We Wear The Masks
We Wear The Masks, Hosted by Michelle Singh
We Wear The Masks
Removing the Mask of Tolerance What My Mother-in-Law Taught Me About Boundaries
A single joke can carry a lifetime of weight.
Michelle opens up about the mother-in-law comments that seemed playful on the surface but hit a deep nerve, reigniting shame around sexuality, identity, and belonging. What starts as a family story becomes a blueprint for how high-achieving women can stop performing for approval, listen to their bodies, and draw boundaries that protect dignity.
We walk through the uncomfortable middle: when a partner doesn’t notice the harm, when “respecting elders” becomes self-erasure, and when the urge to be the good wife and good daughter-in-law demands too high a price.
You’ll hear how silence enabled small cuts to stack up, why indirect aggression can be more corrosive than overt conflict, and how one honest conversation can change the climate of a relationship. Along the way, we unpack the psychology of tolerating, attachment to roles, and the nervous system signals that tell you it’s time to step back.
This conversation is equal parts confession and toolkit. We talk practical boundary-setting, from naming the harm to taking a pause from unsafe spaces, and we explore how one shift at home can ripple into work, friendships, and self-talk. Most of all, we consider legacy: what our daughters learn from the way we handle disrespect, and how modeling self-trust can rewrite a family pattern.
If you’ve ever laughed along to keep the peace, felt small in rooms you were told to honor, or wondered whether you’re “too sensitive,” this is your reminder: your feelings are data, not drama.
If this resonates, follow the show, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs language for their own no. Your stories help us reach more women ready to unmask and choose a life that actually feels like theirs.
Message from Dr. Michelle Chanda Singh
I’m Dr. Michelle Chanda Singh, born in Jamaica, raised in a traditional Indian household where I never quite fit the mold. For over 40 years, I chased every expectation family, culture, society, collecting degrees, titles, and accolades. I had purpose and security, yet something was missing. I was achieving, not thriving.
As an award-winning global educator, Michelle finally realized that fulfillment doesn’t come from perfection, it comes from alignment. Today, she help high-achieving, culturally diverse women educators recognize how disengagement quietly steals their joy. Together, we break those patterns so you can redefine success on your own terms and lead with purpose, from fulfillment, not sacrifice.
That’s why I created this podcast, to tell my story honestly and unfiltered. The truths I buried, the patterns I tolerated, the lessons that set me free. But this isn’t just about me, it’s about you. Through these stories, you’ll see reflections of your own journey and uncover what’s been holding you back.
Join me as I disrupts disengagement, break the cycle of busyness, and learn to lead and live from a place of true joy and wholeness. It’s time to reclaim your power and thrive, not just survive.
Welcome to We Wear the Masks. This is a podcast for high-achieving women who check all the boxes, got all of the degrees and the accolades, and you have it all together, but you still feel empty and disconnected inside. I am Michelle Singh, and I've been there and I'm still there in some cases. So I created this space to tell my story, all of the truths that has trapped me, the secrets that have held me captive, and the people and situations that I endured for far too long. So, as you listen, I invite you to uncover your lessons and your blessings from my story. I invite you to reflect on your own journey because we have to break this cycle of disengagement and disconnect and unmask what is holding you back so that you can find your fulfillment and your joy. Let's dive in. And this is the episode about my mother-in-law. So the relationship I have with my mother-in-law today is totally not the same when we first met. And so when we initially met, it was I was pregnant with her golden child's child while in college. Right? And so imagine. And when decisions were made that impacted my life by my mother-in-law, and my at the time boyfriend, now husband, did not speak up. That made me feel like that teenage girl that was sitting in that family meeting again, being rejected, being blamed, being shamed, being even attacked because I did something wrong. It was me. I felt like she looked at me as some little hussy that got pregnant, you know, with her son's child. And there were even things that she did that confirmed that for me. I remember when Shanda was born, she was at the hospital, her and uh Cordy's dad, and she said to me as well as my family and anybody else who was in the room, something along the lines of, oh, we knew it had to be Cordy's kid because when Shanda came out, she looked just like Cordy. Shanda is the splitting image of her father in birth and in life. Okay. So although I laugh about that now, I felt a way about it then. And I continued to feel very uncomfortable when she would continue to say it over and over and over again at various in various settings and at various events. And she would say it jokingly, but she didn't know that what she was doing was tugging at the biggest shame of my life. The biggest shame of my life had to do, had to do with me being molested, had to do with sex, had to do with, well, if you haven't sex, you you a hoe, you promiscuous. And that is not something that I wanted to be associated with. And that is what that's part, you know, that it in retrospect, that's part of the reason why I hid that particular secret, that shame for so long, because I didn't want to be seen as that. And she brought that, she resurfaced that for me every time she shared that story about Shanda looking just like Cordy, so it had to be Cordy's. Well, then who else's kid is it gonna be if it's not Cordy's? What are you saying, really? What are you saying? So the thing that the thing that makes the mother-in-law situation for me, you know, even worse is the fact that my husband never really said anything about anything until I had to tell him this is how I feel when she says that. And then he told her not to say that anymore. But this had gone on for years and years, and it really bothered me that he never saw that it bothered me. That he never saw, and that's just not the only thing. There were little dabs and things then that she would say throughout. Um, but he never saw any of those things. And I internalized it. I just took it because I'm like, oh, she's the, you know, she's an elder, she's a parent. I can't be disrespectful, or I gotta, you know, this is my mother-in-law, I gotta set a good example. I can't be, you know, she I can't have her see me in a certain light. And I'm trying to fit myself in these boxes that aren't right. They don't feel right for me. I'm tolerating behaviors and and people who shouldn't be in my space because they make me feel uncomfortable. Right? There's another thing uh that stands out for me too. So in another episode, I talked about my grandfather and how when I was pregnant with Shanda and I came home, he would drive me to all my doctor's appointments and drive me to the store, whatever I needed, because he didn't want me to drive. He did he wanted to protect baby Shanda. And so I remember her asking me if I knew how to drive. I'm like, I am 22 years old, a grown-ass woman, and you asking me if I know how to drive. I didn't say that because you know I wanted to be respectful, but in my mind, that's what I'm thinking. Like, I've been driving since I was 15. The moment I could get my restricted, my grandfather took me to get my restricted license. Driving for me was a form of independence. I was independent the moment I could be independent. So I held on to that. And the fact that she questioned my independence, in my mind, that's what she was doing. I'm like, well, damn, lady, what is it that you really think about me? I already know you think I'm some kind of hussy. So now you think I'm like dependent on your son or your family. What is it? And so I just felt that. I felt that vibe from her for such a long time. And I tolerated it. I kept going around, you know, because I'm trying to do the thing, you know, that I'm supposed to do because I got the child and I got the husband and I'm trying to be the good wife. And I put myself in situations and in places where I know that I did not belong. I did not belong there. And I was trying to force myself to be in those places and those situations, knowing good and well I shouldn't have been there. And so as I think back on those things, although again, our relationship now is different. She is a terrific grandmother to Shanda. Um, she is a wonderful mother to her son. He adores her. Um, that is not how things are currently. I still cannot ignore how things were back then and how she made me feel. And what I tolerated and allowed myself to tolerate. Because not only did I tolerate that from her, it uh it actually became so automatic that I began to tolerate things in other spaces. I tolerated things in my relationship that I should not have. I tolerated things in my work that I should not have. I tolerated things in my own family that I should not have. So that just that acceptance of, okay, it's all right because she's the mother-in-law, or it's okay, you know, I'm just I'm just gonna deal with it. That opens you up to more, okay, I'm just gonna deal with it. I'm just gonna deal with it. And then what happens when you just can't deal with it no more? So you you have to draw, you have to set boundaries, you have to draw the line, you have to recognize how people make you feel, and you have to tell them. And you gotta say, like, look, I don't feel right about this. No, I didn't do that, but I did it at some point. There was a point where I told my husband that this bothered me when your mother says this and he addressed it. There was a point where I said, I am no longer going to your mother's house because it makes me, she makes me feel this way. And I didn't go over there for a while. You have to recognize how people make you feel. You have to recognize how you feel in spaces, and you have to honor those feelings. If it don't feel good, don't do it. If in your spirit it don't feel right, don't force it. You have to honor your feelings. And then I think about what kind of example am I setting for my own daughter? My daughter doesn't know none of this, by the way. So she's about to find out. But she's grown too. So she'll, she'll, you know, she'll have a different perspective. She's she's mature. And so the lesson from that is I want my daughter to know. And I want the woman who has been tolerating all these things from all these people for all this time. Know that it's time for you to set some boundaries. It's time for you to say no to them and say yes to you. Thank you for listening to We Wear the Masks and for walking with me through my story. Know that this podcast is more than just a chronicle of my life. It really is a mirror for yours. And it reflects the masks that you wear, that I wear, that we all wear, and those truths, whether or not we like them, that are hidden beneath those masks. So I hope it sparked a reflection for you about your own journey, those lessons and those blessings that are part of your experiences, as well as the masks that you are ready to remove. I would love to stay connected with you on your journey. Visit me at iammichelle Sing.com or you can reach me on my social media platforms. And finally, if this episode resonated with you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone you know who needs to hear it because I know you know someone just like you. And remember that this journey to unmasking and uncovering your true self is ongoing. So keep pushing and moving toward that fulfillment that you have worked your entire life for because you deserve it.