How to Be a More Present Parent in a Distracted World | Ruby Ryba

Do you ever open your phone to “just check something” — and suddenly realize you’ve lost 30 minutes to scrolling? Scrolling isn’t just a problem for our kids, it is a problem for parents too. In this episode of Parents Making Time, Anthony talks with Ruby Ryba, educator, statistician, and mom of two, about the hidden costs of phone addiction and how scrolling addiction quietly robs families of time, focus, and connection.

Ruby shares honest stories and research-backed strategies to help parents:

• Recognize the signs of phone addiction and wasting time on social media
• Rebuild healthier boundaries around technology
• Be a more present and intentional parent
• Create moments of true connection and family bonding on a tight schedule
• Model balanced tech habits for the next generation

If you’ve ever felt torn between your phone and your family, this episode will show you how to reclaim your attention, restore calm, and parent without regret. Presence isn’t about giving up technology — it’s about using it intentionally so you can focus on what truly matters: your people.

Breaking the Scrolling Habit: An Interview with Ruby Reba

00:00 Introduction: The Phone Addiction Dilemma
00:56 Meet Ruby Reba: Tackling Phone Addiction
03:47 Understanding Phone Addiction
08:06 Practical Strategies to Combat Phone Addiction
13:04 Ruby's Upcoming Book and Final Thoughts
13:53 Conclusion and Free Resource for Parents

When you finish listening, we’d love for you to connect with us on social media!

Follow us on Instagram and like our page on Facebook to keep the conversation going. It’s the best way to get quick tips, encouragement, and resources to help you make time for what matters most—your family.

Get our FREE resource, "30-Second Micro Moments of Intention with Your Kids", by going to: parentsmakingtime.com/freeresource

Other Resources Mentioned:

• How to Stop Scrolling by Ruby Ryba (coming soon at howtostopscrolling.com)
• ClearSpace App – a powerful tool to break scrolling addiction and reduce distractions

Parenting is hard. Intentional parenting can seem even harder. Motherhood, fatherhood, marriage, and all that goes with those important aspects of life can make it difficult to prioritize tasks, embrace intentional living, focus on present parenting, and build family bonds. We're here to help ease your parenting anxiety so that you can stop feeling overwhelmed, find joy in your parenting journey, and build family bonds that last for generations. Here at Parents Making Time, we are all about that parent-child connection, self-care for parents, and helping you overcome mom guilt and dad guilt. If you have a question or would like to share an experience about your own parenting, please feel free to reach out to one of us! Please note, we may use your question and/or comments as a part of a Q&A Parenting Advice segment on one of our episodes.

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Transcript

Jennifer: [00:00:00] Okay. Be honest. How many times have you picked up your phone to just check one thing and suddenly 10 minutes or an hour has gone by? We've all done it, I'm sure. In this episode, we're sharing a previously recorded conversation between Anthony and Ruby Reba, author of the upcoming book, How to Stop Scrolling.

They talk about how our phones are quietly stealing moments from our families and what we as parents can do to take that time back. We got so much great feedback on our episode about how to gain 10 hours back with your kids by limiting your social media use that we wanted to share this conversation with you.

It's an honest, hopeful look at how we can be more intentional with our devices and more present with the people who matter most.

Anthony: This is Parents Making Time. The show that helps busy parents put family first without burning out. 

Jennifer: We are Anthony and Jennifer Craiker. We don't just give parenting tips. We help you become the parent you want to be.

Anthony: Well, Ruby, I am so excited to talk to you today because this is a [00:01:00] topic that I've thought about a lot because it is such a problem for so many of us, myself included, this phone addiction, this addiction to scrolling and you're on a mission to help people to stop scrolling, and I'm curious what inspired you to take on this challenge, and how did phone addiction become such a personal focus for you?

Ruby: So it's always kind of been a personal interest of mine, but now that I have a family, a husband, two small children, it suddenly became a lot more urgent because my generation is the first generation of parents that are raising the first generation of kids that are born with a phone in their hands

and thinking about how I model my tech use. Is going to have repercussions for generations to come unless someone meaning like intentionally makes a change. That feels like a very heavy responsibility. And then the other thing that I think really triggered my interest was [00:02:00] my husband.

He is. Really, really smart guy, really successful, really present. And when I saw him sucked into the phone, that made me realize, whoa, even you can't avoid this. And so that means that this is a really powerful thing. Yeah. And so it made me curious and my undergrad was my degrees in statistics and I used to be a teacher, and so I really like to solve things in a research-based way, and I felt like this is something that's solvable. There are for sure best practices. If it's being designed in an addictive way, then we should be able to learn what those qualities are so that we can then set up equally strong barriers to push back on what is being thrown at us.

And so these things have been getting thrown at us for almost 20 years now. And little by little it's building so gradually that people aren't realizing that their phone use is [00:03:00] increasing. Like in 2023, the average amount of time that an American used their phone was four and a half hours.

In 2024, it became five hours and 16 minutes. So it's already gone up 45 minutes in just a year. Oh, wow. So we don't notice it, you know? Yeah. And so I think what I care about most is making sure that I. People are making their own choices and not living on autopilot, and that they have the knowledge and the tools that they need to make these choices.

Anthony: Yeah. It's interesting. So my kids are a little bit older. They were born before we had smartphones, but they were born in this time where we're like the Guinea pigs of this new technology. Totally. And it's really, really important that we be cautious of it. So how would you define phone addiction in today's world?

And how do we know if we've crossed that line from a healthy usage of digital devices to harmful dependence? [00:04:00]

Ruby: That's a great question. I think that phone addiction looks different for everyone because depending on your lifestyle, you might need technology more or less based on your job, whatever.

Yeah. That being said, I think when you're addicted to your phone, you have almost an emotional need for your phone. So I think like a good indicator would be, could you go take a 15, 30 minute walk without your phone? How does that feel? Does your skin just start to itch when you think about that?

Or on the contrary, some people say, wow, that would be so liberating, which is also not great, you know, if you feel like you're chained to your phone. So what we're working towards is feeling indifferent to having the phone. With you or not, to not have a super positive or super negative reaction to how much time you would have on your phone and for it to just be a tool.

You know, when you think about other tools in your life like a, a toaster [00:05:00] or just things that you need, like a water bottle like if you didn't have it for a day, you wouldn't be freaking out about it all day. You know, it might be a little inconvenient, oh, I don't have a water bottle, so I need to go to the water fountain, whatever.

I'm thirsty. But you're not having this reaction. And so I think that's what's ideal. And if there's an emotional attachment to the phone, that means that it's being used to address emotional needs. And that's also something to think about. Are we going on Google and Googling things because we actually have a question.

Or is it because we're bored and you know, we just saw something and we said, oh, I wonder what bird that is, Google lens, you know, do we actually wonder, or is it just because you want something to fill those two seconds? Are you going onto Instagram because you wanna check in on your friends, or is it because you're anxious and you have FOMO and you need to stay plugged in?

You know, and so really taking stock of why you're using your phone and what needs your phone use is filling [00:06:00] can be a really great first step for awareness in terms of healthier phone use. 

Anthony: So indifference is what we're striving for. Indifference Yes. With our digital devices. I think so. I think so. I like it.

I like it. So, you mentioned the emotional part of it. What are some of the other hidden costs of this scrolling mindset that maybe people don't think about mentally even in terms of relationships, things like that? 

Ruby: Great question. So. There's so many. One definitely isolation.

The more time we're spending on our phones, the less time we are spending with people in real life. A lot of people, I don't know if you remember this or experience this felt after COVID that we weren't really sure how to interact with people socially. What do I do with my hands? How much eye contact do I make?

You know? And that makes sense. No one's fault at all. It did also create this opportunity for us to spend a lot of time on technology because that was the only way we could connect with people. 

Anthony: Mm-hmm. 

Ruby: Now, it is not the only way we can connect with [00:07:00] people, but a lot of us have gotten into the habit of relying on it, and then that just perpetuates the inability to interact with people in real life

Anthony: One thing I've noticed over the years as I've used social media is we tend to lose our sense of time when we're using our phones at least I do.

And I think a lot of other people do. Why is that? Why does it feel like time just kind of slips away from us when we're checking our phones? Is there any science behind that? 

Ruby: That's a really great question. It reminds me of one of my clients that I worked with on our very first session.

He said that when he had to wait, when he had time to kill, he would go on TikTok because four hours would just go like that. And I was like, wait, is that a good thing or a bad thing? But yeah. That's totally common. I haven't looked into the research for it, but my guess is that it has to do with the fact that we're not present when we're on our phones.

Mm-hmm. You're kind of either in the digital world or you're in the real world, in my opinion. And so when you're sucked into the digital world, you are not here. And so you kind of [00:08:00] miss out on. How things are happening in the real world, including the progression of time. That would be my guess. Yeah. 

Something I definitely recommend for everyone is to use distraction blockers. So there are lots of different companies out there that design distraction blockers that you can use on desktop, on mobile.

One that I really love for mobile is called ClearSpace.

And it uses a lot of psych research to help you to change your behaviors. You can choose apps to block, and they are grayed out and you decide how many times a day you wanna use the app. So for my Instagram, I have it set to three times.

So then if I click on Instagram, it doesn't open right away. First it makes me wait. It says breathe in. Breathe out. At this point, I'm like, you know what? I don't even need the Instagram. You know what I mean? Because it's just such a, yeah, it's, it's often just instinctive. You just like tap it, you know where on your home screen it's, right, and so at that point I might just close it out, but if I [00:09:00] really wanted to, I don't know, check a message from my friend or something and I'm going on there, it makes me breathe in, breathe out, and then it says, are you sure you wanna open Instagram?

It's like, I guess again, I have to say yes, I'm sure. Then it asked me a very important question. How long do you wanna be on Instagram? And you can adjust the times that you select, but the defaults are 1, 3, 5, and 10 minutes. Wow. So then you can select one of those. It gives you a one minute warning, and then it closes you out.

So, so it 

Anthony: It forces you to be intentional. 

Ruby: Yes. Yes. So yeah, Clearspace is a great app. You know, when you go to the dentist and they say, do you want Novocaine? You don't say, ah, no, I don't need the Novocaine. So same thing, right? Like if you're gonna use Instagram and Clearspace is a tool that's offered to you, you don't have to say, no, I don't need it, I'm just gonna use willpower.

'cause guess what? The app is designed to totally extinguish your willpower, you know? Right. And so why don't we use other apps to help us with those things? So I think using tools and setting up your digital space and your physical space in a way that is conducive to [00:10:00] the behavior that you want is really important. 

Anthony: What are some other practical strategies that we can implement? And you know, a lot of my listeners are kind of mid-career professionals. They're juggling family, they're juggling kids, they're trying to take care of their home and they've got a lot going on.

But for somebody in that situation who wants to stop scrolling, what are some other practical strategies that they can use? 

Ruby: So first, no phone on the nightstand. No phone in the bedroom. That's big. Using your phone first thing in the morning really sets the tone for the day and you do not need to respond to the text or the emails at 6:30 when you wake up.

If you do it at 8:30, it's gonna be fine. So that's gonna decrease scrolling in the morning. And scrolling in the evening. So I'm already saving you like two hours out of your day by your phone not being in your bedroom. I charge my phone downstairs in the kitchen. My bedroom is upstairs, so it's literally a floor away.

And then in terms of during the workday, it's tricky. You have kids, you have the plumber calling you it, et [00:11:00] cetera. For that sort of thing, I highly recommend using the focus modes on your phone. So with focus modes, you can personalize what gets through to you and what doesn't? So I have a focus mode called nanny mode, and I have a couple of babysitters in rotation.

I have their phone numbers unblocked. So when it's on nanny mode only the nanny can get through to me. When it's on work mode. For me personally, at least, I just have phone calls because I could get a phone call that comes from like the plumber or my kids' school or something.

Anthony: Sure. 

Ruby: But otherwise it's not urgent. So focus modes and keeping your phone not in your bedroom are important, and then keeping your phone away from you when you don't need it is useful too. For the most part, after business hours, I try to keep my phone not in the same room as me unless I need it because chances are anyone that's contacting me, it's not urgent.

And we have the tendency though, that if we get a notification, we feel like we wanna respond to it right away. There's a [00:12:00] buzz and there's an interesting sound and the notification is red, which to us is something that to humans, we are really drawn to the color of red.

It's urgent, it's blood, you know? Mm-hmm. Yeah. And so knowing that, keep it away from you when you don't need it. Another thing that I do is I don't put my phone on silent. My phone is either on ringer. Or it's on do not disturb. Because in my opinion, if your phone is on silent, you're in a place where you don't really wanna be interrupted by your phone, and yet you're allowing yourself to be interrupted with the vibrations of your phone.

Yeah. So I kind of think your ringer should be on, or it should be off. And that also helps you to start setting healthy boundaries with your phone. Now is phone time now is not, if it's always on vibrate, that means you're always on call to your phone. You know, people talk about how it's so exhausting to be a medical resident because they're always on call.

We are always on call to our phones and we are the ones that are allowing that and we don't have to. We have the choice. 

Anthony: Great advice.

Great advice that I'm going to implement as soon as we [00:13:00] finish this podcast. 

Ruby: Yeah. I can't wait to hear about how it works out for you. 

Anthony: Yeah, for sure. 

Well, tell us about your book. When does it come out?

Ruby: It's coming out this fall. Very excited. It's going through edits now, and I'm on this podcast book tour and I can't wait to get it out. Yeah, 

Anthony: and it's called Stop Scrolling. Is that right? 

Ruby: How to stop Scrolling? 

Anthony: How to Stop Scrolling, okay. 

Ruby: Mm-hmm. It'll be out this fall, but in the meantime, if listeners are interested in learning more. If you go to howtostopscrolling.com and enter your email address, you'll immediately start receiving lessons from my book into your inbox. Awesome. Yeah. 

Anthony: Well, it's been a really fascinating conversation, Ruby. I really appreciate what you're doing and I think you've got a great mission and a lot of people are gonna resonate with this stuff, and I think my listeners in particular will find this to be really helpful.

So I appreciate you coming on the show.

Ruby: Thank you. I really enjoyed talking about it. You're a great host.

Jennifer: So this reminds me of why we started our podcast in the first place. It's because life as a parent is busy and if we let [00:14:00] it, time will just pass on and we'll miss out on opportunities to really connect with our kids. So to help with that, we put together a free resource. We are calling our 30-Second Micro Moments of Intention with Your Kids.

It's a simple list of things that you can do in less than a minute to really connect with your kids. Now, some of the suggestions on there are gonna seem very obvious. Because they are. But if you do them with intention, they really will help you to connect with your children. So how do you get it? You go to parentsmakingtime.com/freeresource.

Put in your email and we'll send it right to you. Print it or store it on your phone, wherever it is helpful to you, because those small, consistent moments, they really do add up and they're often what our kids remember most.

Anthony: And if you enjoyed this episode and you got something out of it, we would be so grateful if you'd leave a rating or review on Apple or Spotify. That helps us get the show out there to more people and bonus points if you share the episode with a friend.

Jennifer: And Speaking of that free resource on our website. Next episode, we're sharing [00:15:00] five powerful micro moments of intention that we've seen improve our relationships with our children. Until then, make time to become the parent you want to be.