Motherhood | An Interview with Jennifer Craiker

Have you ever wondered how motherhood changes you over time?

Not just through the sleepless nights, busy schedules, teenage struggles, and constant responsibilities, but deep down, in the person you become along the way?

In this deeply personal episode Anthony sits down with Jennifer for an honest conversation about more than 22 years of motherhood, parenting teenagers, building strong family relationships, and preparing for the empty nest season.

Together, they talk about the emotional highs and lows of raising children, the pressure many moms place on themselves, the challenges of the teenage years, and why connection matters more than parenting perfection.

From late-night talks with teenagers to the bittersweet process of letting children become independent, this episode is filled with encouragement for busy parents navigating every stage of family life.

By The Time You Finish Listening, You’ll Learn:

•  Why strong parent-child relationships matter more than perfection 
•  Encouragement for moms who feel like they’re failing 
•  How parenting and motherhood can deepen your faith and perspective 
•  Why letting go of your children is both joyful and painful 

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by busy parenting, questioned whether you’re doing enough, or struggled with the changing seasons of motherhood, this conversation will remind you that love, presence, and connection matter far more than getting everything right.

Easily improve your intentional parenting efforts at mealtime with our FREE resource, Dinner Conversation Starters.

Download our FREE resource, 30-Second Micro Moments of Intention with Your Kids, created for busy parents like you who need easy, actionable ways to have daily meaningful connections with their kids in less than a minute!

Parenting Questions? Email us at parentsmakingtime@gmail.com (Please note, your question may be featured on the show).

For parenting inspiration, time management ideas, and encouragement for families, follow the hosts' individual accounts:

Anthony Craiker: Instagram | LinkedIn

Jennifer Craiker: Instagram

Interested in joining our free online parenting community? Send us a DM to receive an invite!

VISIT OUR WEBSITE: https://www.parentsmakingtime.com/

Enjoy the show? Leave a rating & review: Apple | Spotify

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Transcript

Anthony: [00:00:00] Hey everyone. Before we get started, we wanted to invite you to check out our website parents making time.com. There you'll find our full library of podcast episodes, blog posts that expand on the ideas that we talk about here on the show, and free resources designed to help busy parents connect more intentionally with their kids.

It's also a place where you can learn more about me and Jennifer and reach out to connect directly with us. We're continuing to add more content and resources, so we'd love for you to stop by and take a look.

Have you ever stopped and wondered how motherhood really changes a person over time? Not just in the day-to-day moments, the carpools, the late nights, the constant giving, but deep down at the level of who you become. In today's episode, I get to sit down with someone who has lived that journey in the most personal way for me, my wife, Jennifer.

I've had a front row seat to her motherhood for over two decades. I've watched her love fiercely, grow through [00:01:00] challenges, show up when it was hard, and become someone even more incredible than the person I married. And today, we're slowing things down to reflect. We're talking about what she's learned, how motherhood has changed her, what's been harder than expected, and also what has made it more meaningful and beautiful than she ever imagined.

If you're in the thick of parenting or even stepping into a new season like we are, I think this conversation will resonate deeply. So take a breath, settle in, and join us.

This is Parents Making Time, the show that helps busy parents put family first without burning out. We're Anthony and Jennifer Craiker. We don't just give parenting tips. We help you become the parent you want to be.

So you've been a mom for over 22 years now. 

Jennifer: Yeah, you got that right. 

Anthony: Yeah. If you could go back and talk to yourself as a brand-new mom, Bella's just born, [00:02:00] what would you say?

Jennifer: Well, I was really young when she was born. Um, what was I, 23? I would tell myself to be less in a hurry at every stage because I really was. Like, when she wasn't sleeping through the night, I wanted her to sleep through the night. If she was j- in diapers and not potty trained, I wanted her to be potty trained.

I can remember when she was four and in pre-K, or maybe she was even three, and I literally... It's so embarrassing, but I called someone because she couldn't write. I literally called a schoolteacher we knew that I'd been trying to get her to write, and she wouldn't do it. And that teacher, I'm sure... I mean, she was a friend of our family's.

I think she got a good laugh out of me. 

Anthony: Yeah. 

Jennifer: But I'd tell myself to just, just calm down. 

Anthony: Just calm down. 

Jennifer: Slow down. Hold the baby a little longer. It's okay. You'll sleep someday. Like, just slow down. 

Anthony: Yeah. Yeah, that's... I think that's good advice. What, what would you say surprised you most about becoming a mom?

Maybe, like, what... Something you didn't [00:03:00] expect. 

Jennifer: Huh. Well, I... The thing that I think of when I... with that question is just about the exhaustion at every stage. I knew I'd be tired when the babies were little, but I didn't realize how much the problems would change, but the exhaustion was still there, whether it was exhaustion from lack of sleep or exhaustion for the mental exertion or exhaustion for the physical exertion.

Whatever it was, there's, there's a bit of exhaustion that comes from every stage of motherhood. And you kind of settle into it and get used to it, but I think I didn't realize it was gonna be there the whole time. 

Anthony: Yeah. We're about to be empty nesters, so a follow-up question is, do you think you'll still be exhausted after our last one leaves?

Jennifer: I don't know. I don't know. It depends on how they're doing, I guess.

Anthony: Well, I, I know you, you know, w- w- when we were married, starting a family was important to us, and I [00:04:00] know that you always had the aspiration of being a good mom or a great mom. What... How has your definition of being a good mom changed over time? 

Jennifer: Yeah, so when we had our first child and our second, I was very concerned about what I could get done in the day.

How many things could I do with our kids? Was our house clean? Were the... Was the dinner good? Was the laundry done? All of those things, and I really worried about... And I, and I still to d- a degree, I'm a very productive person, I guess you could say. But over time, I've learned that being a good mom is so much less about what I got done, but what kind of relationship did we create?

Mm. And so I'm far more interested in the type of relationship we have in the moment than I am in what did we get done that day. 

Anthony: Mm. Okay. So you would tell a, a new mom, "Don't worry so much about the day-to-day stuff. Just focus on building that [00:05:00] relationship with your kid over time." 

Jennifer: Yeah, and you know, I think a lot of that day-to-day stuff is gonna take care of itself, whether we worry about it or not.

But if we don't build a relationship, we can't go backwards on that, really. You know, we can go forward and build a relationship moving forward if we'd made mistakes, for sure, but I want my kids to remember that we had a good relationship. 

Anthony: Yeah, yeah. Thinking back over the last 22-plus years, what's been one of the hardest seasons of motherf- motherhood for you, and what did you learn from it?

Jennifer: Well, it's kinda cliche, and it's probably what a lot of people would answer, and maybe it's 'cause we're just getting out of the stage, but the teenage years, they've been a little rough. You know, they've been challenging, and- 

Anthony: They're no joke. 

Jennifer: Yeah. There's a reason people talk about them. But they've been difficult, but they've also been so beautiful.

There is... There are times and, and things that have happened that I will cherish forever, and we joke about teenagers, but [00:06:00] seriously, it's... it was a rough time. And I think what I learned is what we just talked about, the idea of it doesn't matter. All... A lot of the things don't matter, but the relationship does.

And so we get so focused on, well, what are they doing wrong or what are they not doing? What are... You know, finding positives and sharing those positives even in the difficult times. 

Anthony: Why do you think those years are so hard? 

Jennifer: Well, I think it's hard because our kids are growing and developing, and they get to this point where they want to exert their sense of independence.

And so there's this push and pull between parent and child because your, your relationship is changing, and they're feeling so ready to be independent. But you know they're not quite there, but they just wanna be there, you know? We have our son who's about to graduate and move on. He is so ready to be independent, yet he's, he's quite young for his gradua- You know, he won't be 18 when he graduates, so he's still almost a year younger than his sisters were when they were doing this.

And he wants to be independent so bad. Right. [00:07:00] And sometimes we've had disagreements and discussions and, you know, I've had the thought, "This is more about him trying to be independent than it is him not liking us." 

Anthony: Yeah. 

Jennifer: You know? 

Anthony: Yeah. And, and in a sense, it's supposed to be like that. 

Jennifer: Yeah. 

Anthony: I mean, they, they're supposed to be becoming more autonomous, more independent, getting ready to leave the nest, uh, so that they can thrive in the real world.

It's just that that process of growth- 

Jennifer: It hurts ... 

Anthony: causes some tension sometimes. 

Jennifer: And it hurts my mom heart. Yeah. I'll tell you that. 

Anthony: Um, can you think of a moment where you felt like maybe you were failing as a mom or failing in some respect, but looking back you see it differently now? 

Jennifer: So many moments. Too many to list here, but yeah.

I mean, I think every mom feels like they're failing from time to time. But now that I look back at a different stage of motherhood, [00:08:00] I kind of ask myself, I'm so much more kind to myself, and I think to myself, "Was I trying? Did I care?" Because if you care, you're not a bad mom. 

Anthony: Mm. 

Jennifer: Right? Only a mom who doesn't care is a bad mom.

We're all gonna make mistakes. We're all gonna make bad decisions here and there because we're... There isn't a playbook. There isn't a guide telling you how to do every little thing, and certainly not every little situation. And so we're gonna have moments or where we're tired and we're hungry, and we just lash out for some silly reason.

Anthony: Yeah. 

Jennifer: But was I trying as a mom? Did I care? I feel like I'm just kinder to myself about it, and hopefully my kids can be kinder in retrospect too. 

Anthony: What are some of the small everyday moments that ended up meaning the most to you? 

Jennifer: So honestly, and again, maybe this is 'cause it's the most fresh in my mind, um, but my...

One of my favorite things are late night talks with our [00:09:00] teenagers. And I just talked about how difficult the teenage years are, but I just think those are really sweet moments, and sometimes- I mean, all the time. We're exhausted, and sometimes we just wanna go to bed, and one of our kids have laid on our bed and we've kinda looked at each other like, "Oh, here it goes."

But it's like they've relaxed and they're ready to talk. And, you know, right now our son has got a job that where he works late nights, and I've been staying up just for those little moments. It doesn't always happen. Sometimes we just watch a TV show. But I really, I really do cherish those moments. And the other one that I guess I think of is just those moments when your kids are just 100% genuinely sweet.

Um, you know, kids can be quite stinkers, and sometimes you have one that's maybe more of a stinker than another. And, uh, like recently I, I was told a story about our son that was just genuinely so sweet it made me cry. And I just will cherish those little moments [00:10:00] because they're the real them. There's no show going on.

There's no, "I need to put up a, a good front, I need to be funny or whatever." They're just genuine and they share love. I love that. 

Anthony: Looking back, what do you think you'll miss most about the in-the-thick-of-it years? 

Jennifer: I think what I'm gonna miss most is being their person. And it's true that they need to move on and find a different person, and I'm gonna be thrilled when they do because I want that for them, but I love being the first person they wanna call when something's good or when something's bad.

I hope that once they find their person I may be the second person they call, you know, always. Mm-hmm. But I will miss being their person. 

Anthony: All right. So now let's get personal here. How has- ... motherhood impacted our marriage, for better or for worse? 

Jennifer: Yep. Is that a loaded question? I honestly think it's made our marriage stronger 'cause it's given us, like, a [00:11:00] purpose and a goal to work on together, and some hard things to overcome together.

And when you are in the trenches with someone, that, bonds are s- made stronger, right? Yeah. You, you grow together, you learn together, you have these shared difficult experiences. You have a lot of things to laugh about. That's true. But I think the common goal of parenthood has really brought us closer.

Anthony: Yeah. That shared purpose just kinda binds you together and- For 

Jennifer: sure ... 

Anthony: uh, uh, definitely. I mean, I think you, you and I would both agree that looking back, we've been married over 24 years, and our marriage is as strong as it's ever been, I think. For 

Jennifer: sure. Yeah. 

Anthony: Yeah. What do you think we did well together as parents?

Jennifer: So I can't say we were perfect 'cause we each have our things at times, our moments, but I think we've been a really good team. I think overall we've been such a good team. Um- When I've had a bad day, you've stepped up and [00:12:00] in my place or, you know, vice versa. But also, it's been rare that we've had to do that.

We've just worked together as a team really well. W- And when I've needed you to calm me down, you do that, you know? I, I just have been grateful for that t- team that we've created in this sense. 

Anthony: Yeah. We talked about the teen years, and now our kids are in the young adult or about to enter the young adult years.

A- as our kids have gotten older, how has your role as their mom shifted? 

Jennifer: This one's hard because we're in this major shift right now, and I haven't found my footing yet in that. And I think- 

Anthony: Still learning. 

Jennifer: Yeah, I'm still learning. It's, it's learning to mother a little bit more from the sidelines. Maybe to be a cheerleader more than a coach, if that makes sense.

And it's a difficult balance, and we're still in the process of letting our last one go, so I still feel like we're in the little bit of the [00:13:00] coach role with him. Um, but yeah, I... It remains to be seen. I'm still figuring that one out. 

Anthony: What, what has that been like for you, that process of letting go? 

Jennifer: Joyfully painful.

Because it's this total mixed emotions. Like, there are... I don't want it to end, and yet I do- Yeah ... if that makes any sense at all. Like, it's diff- like, we sat in Ethan's, um, choir concert last week, and I was, like, trying to hide that I'm crying, you know? Um, but, like, at the same time, I'm like, I love to see...

And we've had two girls do this. I love to see them step out and fly and succeed and be happy, and I wanna see what they're, what they're all gonna do. I'm so excited to see what the things they come up with to do and the experiences they have and the people they bring back into our lives. I'm excited for all of that, but then I'm still sad.

Anthony: Yeah. 

Jennifer: [00:14:00] And so, you know, I'm excited for you and I. I'm excited for what we'll get to experience and, you know, we only li- lived together for two years before we had children. Yeah. So, like, this is gonna be new. 

Anthony: Yeah. This is new territory. 

Jennifer: But I... The only way I can describe it is joyfully painful, 'cause there's both in there.

Anthony: Yeah. I think that's a good way to describe it. W- we kinda touched on this earlier, talking about just kind of the, the day-to-day stuff and not worrying so much, but what, what are some other things that you worried about that in hindsight ultimately ended up not mattering so much? 

Jennifer: I think I worried way too much about whether the...

what other people thought of me as a mom, as a person, but I think I've also at times worried too much about what other people thought of our children. 

Anthony: Hmm. 

Jennifer: Like, I wanted... Like, at times, I had expectations of them based on what I thought other people- would like about them 

Anthony: Mm. 

Jennifer: And that really doesn't matter.

I, I think that I worried far too [00:15:00] much about that instead of just focusing on what do they need right now to be their best self. 

Anthony: When do you think you started kind of pulling back from those worries? 

Jennifer: Far too late, I guess. Not far too late, that's not the right thing to say. But far too, m- far later than I had hoped I would.

You know, I think I figured that out in the last five years, and I think it's even been different for each child. I think, you know, maybe I, I was able to let go of it at different times with each child. 

Anthony: Hmm. Let's talk spiritually for a moment. Uh, how has your motherhood deepened your understanding of God or your relationship with him?

Jennifer: Well, motherhood has a way of humbling you, and it has brought me to my knees more than anything else in my life. And I mean, I've been a mother now for literally half my life. I'm turning 46 in a couple weeks, and our daughter is turning 23 this year, so I've essentially been a mother for 23 years, so half of my life.

And [00:16:00] it's caused me to need to rely on my heavenly Father so much. Like, I have, I hadn't ever needed that as much as I've needed that, you know, before I was a mother. And it's also taught me so much about love, and maybe given me that just a little bit of a glimpse of the love that God has for His children, even, you know, for our children, but even for myself.

Mm-hmm. You know, understanding that the love that I feel for our kids is just a small bit of the love that God feels for them or for me or for you. Um, and so I think it's just brought me closer to and given me a greater reliance on Him because I know I can't do this by myself. 

Anthony: Have there been moments where you've felt helped or guided beyond your own capacity as a mom?

Jennifer: For sure, and again, just like a previous question, I don't have enough time to list all of them, but I've had moments where you [00:17:00] might call it mother's intuition, but I feel like it was so much deeper than that. You know, there, there's a God who cares very much for my children, and He has at times given me thoughts or messages in ways that have helped me to act and do things for them that I think He wanted done for them because He loves them, and because He loves me too.

And sometimes it's been as simple as like a thought. I need to do this. I need to ask this question. I need to check on this. I need to, you know, something's not quite right there. I don't know what it is, but I've had this thought to, whatever it was, you know, ask this question or do whatever. I've even had a couple dreams about our kids that felt like a message.

Mm. And then we've- talked about it. And in fact, one of them I can remember, I s- told you, "I've had this really weird dream," and you said, "That doesn't seem like just a dream." And so we kinda talked through what it might have meant and what we could do about it. 

Anthony: Yeah. 

Jennifer: I just think God cares so much about His children, about our children, and He wants the best for them, and we get to [00:18:00] be an instrument to help them.

And if we listen, He's giving us messages on how to do 

Anthony: that. Yeah. Final question, what would you want our kids to know about how you feel about being their mom? 

Jennifer: These are loaded questions, and I have to tell you that when you first sent me these list of questions, I might have cried a couple times reading them, thinking about this.

And I think it's 'cause we're at this... Three weeks from tomorrow our son graduates. Yeah. That's a big deal, and that- and it's our last one. That just feels so heavy. But what I would want our kids to know about how I feel about being their mom is, first, that I've tried my best, and that everything... Gosh, I don't wanna cry.

Everything I've done has been motivated by that love for them. Man. And that being their mom has, is the greatest joy, the greatest challenge, [00:19:00] the greatest blessing, and the greatest privilege of my life.

Anthony: That's a good place to end. Well, if you liked today's conversation, my interview with Jennifer about motherhood, uh, please leave a rating or review, uh, wherever you listen to this podcast. And even more important, uh, if there's somebody you know that could benefit from this conversation, please share the episode.

Uh, help us get the word out about Parents Making Time. 

Jennifer: Now, before we wrap up today, we wanna give you a preview of our next episode, and this one's a little more personal for both of us. We're gonna talk about what it looks like when one of your children is struggling with their mental health, and how that experience affects everyone else in the home.

We've felt that tension of trying to show up fully for a child who's hurting, while also wondering if the other kids are feeling seen, supported, and secure. We've had moments where we didn't quite get it right, and moments where we've learned what really matters. In this next episode, we're going to share some of [00:20:00] our own experiences, and what we're still learning about how to walk through something like this as a family, how to stay connected, how to communicate, and how to carry something heavy together.

Chances are this is something your family has faced or might face someday. We hope you'll join us for that conversation. And until next time, make time to become the parent you want to be.