Facing Mental Health Issues Together as a Family

What happens when one child's struggles affect the entire family?

Mental health challenges among children and teens are more common than many parents realize.  Yet many parents feel overwhelmed when a child is dealing with mental health challenges. It's easy to become so focused on helping the child who is struggling that siblings feel forgotten, communication breaks down, and parents end up carrying the burden alone.

In this deeply personal episode, Anthony and Jennifer share their family's experiences navigating mental health challenges with their children and the lessons they learned about supporting the entire family through difficult seasons. They discuss the mistakes they made, the insights they gained, and why facing these struggles together ultimately brought their family closer.

By the time you finish listening, you'll discover:

• Why sharing age-appropriate information with your children can strengthen your family during difficult times

• How involving the whole family can lead to better support, greater understanding, and even important insights you might otherwise miss

• Other practical lessons Anthony and Jennifer learned while helping their children navigate mental health challenges

If you're a busy parent trying to support a child through emotional or mental health struggles, this episode will remind you that you don't have to face it alone—and that your family may be one of your greatest sources of strength.

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For parenting inspiration, time management ideas, and encouragement for families, follow the hosts' individual accounts:

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Jennifer Craiker: Instagram

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VISIT OUR WEBSITE: https://www.parentsmakingtime.com/

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Transcript

Parents Making Time Ep. 31

[00:00:00]

Anthony: Hey everyone. Before we get started, we wanted to invite you to check out our website parents making time.com. There you'll find our full library of podcast episodes, blog posts that expand on the ideas that we talk about here on the show, and free resources designed to help busy parents connect more intentionally with their kids.

It's also a place where you can learn more about me and Jennifer and reach out to connect directly with us. We're continuing to add more content and resources, so we'd love for you to stop by and take a look.

Mental health is an important topic, and it is especially important for parents. It's something that can affect families in many ways. Whether it's the mental health of a parent or a child, it affects everyone in the household. And as parents, we need to be aware of needs and be open to seeking help when needed.

Statistically speaking, mental health challenges are one of the most common health issues for youth, as one in five have a diagnosable [00:01:00] mental, emotional, or behavioral disorder. That's 20% of our youth today. The truth of it is that mental health struggles among our youth today are common, not rare. Rates of depression and anxiety among youth have trended up for the past decade, especially since the pandemic.

And while we could discuss the many reasons for why that might be, that isn't what we're gonna talk about today. Today, we wanna talk about the effect of dealing with a child's mental health struggles on the entire family. 

Jennifer: Now, we're going to get really real in this episode, and we're going to share some very personal stories that are specific to our family.

And from the start, we wanna say two things. First, in doing so, we are going to do our best to share just enough information to help others without betraying the trust and privacy of our children. And we may talk more specifics about things at another date if they agree to it, and maybe even bring them on to talk about it, but today we're just gonna try to keep that privacy intact.[00:02:00]

But second, we are not mental health experts. Nothing we say in this episode should be used in place of seeking help from a medical professional. What we do hope from sharing our experiences in this episode is that if you are a parent struggling to handle this, please know that you are not facing this alone.

There were times when we were struggling with situations involving the mental health of a child that we felt very alone. And as we have allowed ourselves to open up a bit about it, we have realized that many others are or have experienced these things. And in opening up, we have found a support system who understands and has been invaluable to us as parents.

So with that in mind, let's get into it

Anthony: This is Parents Making Time, the show that helps busy parents put family first without burning out. We're Anthony and Jennifer Craiker. We don't just give parenting tips. We help you become the parent you want to be

Jennifer: Now, we've talked about it [00:03:00] before, but we have had some experiences with our kids and their mental health. To be honest, we didn't recognize right away what we were dealing with as mental health issues. It took some time and trial and error to understand exactly what we were dealing with.

But I clearly remember one evening when one of our children came into our room crying with some really scary intrusive thoughts. And now, this was completely new to us. I don't even think I had the vocabulary to name them intrusive thoughts at the time. But what I knew was they didn't wanna be left alone, and they needed someone to be with them right then.

And this went on for hours that night. And the problem was it was also dinner time, and dinner hadn't been made, and we had two other children at home, and neither of us wanted to leave our room or our child. 

Anthony: Yeah, I can remember being very aware that while we were very much needed by that one child in our bedroom, there were the two other children just outside the door, completely unaware of what was going on but [00:04:00] feeling our absence.

And for us in that moment, you know, there were two of us there, so at some point I think w- I went out to the other room and made sure that the other two were fed and just kinda gave a brief explanation of what was going on. But what would have... what would we have done had only one of us been at home?

You know, I wonder. And how did those other two children feel when one of their siblings was taking all of the parents' attention and energy without any real explanation of what was happening? And so as the months followed from that night, uh, that child saw their doctor. They tried medication. They increased medication.

They ended up needing to get off the medication because of side effects, but they eventually started therapy, and that was really helpful. Um, and they ultimately started getting the help that they needed. 

Jennifer: Yeah, that whole experience over those months and years really was really difficult. But it really did teach us a lot as a family, especially as [00:05:00] parents And there are multiple mistakes that we could make here, but the thing I think we've learned is that the biggest thing, mistake that you can make is not sharing age-appropriate information with the other children in your home.

So in the story we just shared, Anthony talked about how he went out and he gave somewhat of an explanation to the other kids what was happening, and that of course wasn't the only time we talked about that with them. And they were at varying ages, um, but, you know, we gave them age-appropriate information that was enough for them to understand that something was happening, but not so much that gave away the personal information that their sibling wouldn't want it to be shared.

So as you face this, there are lots of thoughts and feelings you're, that you're going to have as a parent. But sharing that information with the other children involved in the house really helps. So their feelings you might have are things like feeling guilt about giving one child more attention than the others, or feeling like you're giving all the [00:06:00] attention at the expense of the others, right?

Or downplaying the needs of one so you don't ignore the others. Also, you might be so worried about that child's privacy that you keep everything to yourself, and all of those things are harmful for your own mental health or not helpful in the family. And it's not that you need to tell everybody everything, right?

But you can share, like I said, age-appropriate information so they aren't in the dark, because if you're in the house, you're feeling the tension, you're feeling the difficulty, and if we can face this as a family, you're going to have a lot better experience f- for everyone in the house. 

Anthony: Yeah, and when we're feeling that way, uh, it's because we love our children, and when we're wrapped up in the emotions of it, it's easy to get stuck in one of those thought cycles.

And we also make these mistakes because they're, these are hard things, uh, that we're dealing with. Navigating mental health is difficult no matter who it is, but it can be especially difficult when it's our children who [00:07:00] may or n- may not have the vocabulary to adequately express everything that they're experiencing.

And if you feel like you're trying as a parent but making mistakes, just be kind to yourself. Uh, find a support system, including medical professionals, and don't forget that you have a family, uh, that you can call upon, and you can work together to support one another in those moments. 

Jennifer: Yeah, so let me tell you another story about another one of our children who went through a really significant struggle with their mental and emotional health, and it happened right around the time where they were at the height of puberty, so emotions were really high.

And at the time, we already have, had one of our children out of the house. And so, you know, we had shared with everyone in our family of, of our children, you know, kind of what was happening and, and what was appropriate. This child was not fully aware of everything happening at home because like I said, they weren't living at home.

But there was one night where [00:08:00] Anthony and I were having a discussion with the child who was struggling, and in this particular struggle, it led to a lot of arguments, a lot of disagreements, a lot of heightened, um, emotional conversations. And this night really spiled- spiraled out of control very quickly.

And at some point in the conversation, um, the child went to their room to cool off and to take a breather from this conversation, and they ended up calling their sibling who was away from home. And what was significant about this is that After that conversation with their sibling, um, the one who's away from home called Anthony and I separately and said, "You know, I know that you guys are feeling a lot of emotions.

I know this was a difficult conversation. I know it feels like they're just, um-" 

Anthony: Being defiant. 

Jennifer: Yeah, being defiant. Battling, you know, a defiant teenager who doesn't wanna listen to their parents. "But [00:09:00] have you thought about the fact that this might be mental health?" Because at the moment we hadn't. We thought we were just dealing with an unruly teenager who didn't want to.

Anthony: Yeah. 

Jennifer: Whatever. Fill in the blank. Didn't want to fill in the blank. Um, and, and their older sibling pointed out to us, "Maybe it's more," and we really hadn't thought about that, and it was eye-opening. And I can't say that we, like, called the doctor the next morning or anything, but it led us down a path of thinking.

It led us down some research, and it led us to some answers where then we turned to the one who was struggling and said, "Are you experiencing this? Are you feeling like this?" And, you know, they, they kind of answered affirmatively. And we said, "Okay, then we do think we need to go see a doctor," and we did. We went and saw a doctor.

In this case, um, the doctor recommended some medication. Um, we used that medication for a while. We ended up needing to change medication. There was some, you know, trial and error with the medication. [00:10:00] Um, ended up doing therapy and, in this case, therapy wasn't helpful. So it was a process just like their, our other child's process except for in a different way and had a different outcome, where therapy wasn't helpful but medication was.

And eventually we found a way to find help. But the point of that story is we wouldn't have seen that. We were so emotionally blinded by w- just the feelings we were having that we didn't see what someone who was just a little bit outside of, of the, that circle could. And if we hadn't shared with them even just what we had, they wouldn't have seen it either.

Anthony: Right. What was really great about that moment was the fact that a sibling who was outside the home living away and more detached from the emotion of what was going on knew enough about the situation, because we had shared some things, uh, to be able to see what we as parents couldn't see because we were wrapped up in the emotion of the moment.

And that goes back to [00:11:00] what we were talking about earlier. It, it's a mistake not to include your whole family when one member of the family is struggling with mental health. Uh, and that includes older and younger siblings, in age appropriate ways of course. Uh, but including them in, in what's happening.

And if you don't do that- there could be consequences. You could see some consequences like your other children pulling away from you because you're spending all of your time focused on the one who's struggling. Or you could see your, your children pulling away from each other instead of coming together, uh, li- like our kids did.

Or, um, as was the case in the story that Jen shared, you know, we might have taken longer to reach the conclusion that we needed to seek professional help for that child. Um, and that would've been because we didn't share what was going on with them with, uh, [00:12:00] their, their siblings. And so i- it's important, uh, that you face these things together as a family, uh, because the, the consequences could be, be very detrimental.

And, you know- As difficult as those times were, and I'd never wanna relive them again, there were some really beautiful moments that came out of those situations because we were able to work together as a family to help the person who was struggling. And I, you know, I remember another story, another time in particular, when we were still trying to figure some things out with one child, and we'd been to the doctor, uh, but still didn't have a good, good, uh, grasp on the situation, good control of the situation.

And we were having a conversation with this child that quickly spiraled out of control, and both Jennifer and I were, you know, at a loss of what to do or how to handle it. And right about the [00:13:00] time that it escalated, uh, another one of our kids had come home from work, and they kinda walked into this moment of escalating tension.

And without being asked, that sibling that came home promptly sat next to their sibling and literally held them. And that sibling seemed to connect to them in a way that we hadn't been able to, uh, in that moment. And as things started to kinda calm down, they said to the sibling that was struggling, "You know what I know?

I know that Mom and Dad will figure this out right alongside you, and they won't stop until they do, because they did that for me." 

Jennifer: Yeah, it was a really, really beautiful moment. If I remember correctly, I think it even caused me to cry a little bit 'cause just the emotions of it all. And I think that really encapsulates what we've learned in these or through these struggles, is that most, if not all, struggles are far [00:14:00] better handled as we face them as a family.

Doing so has helped the child who is struggling have a bigger support group. It has helped us come to conclusions and solutions faster. But most importantly, it has helped us to grow closer together as a family. And like you said, I wouldn't wanna relive those moments, but I am grateful for the lessons that we've learned, and I'm grateful for the growth that we had because of them.

Anthony: Yeah. You know, I, I think when we treat- mental health issue, like any other health issue, it, it makes a lot of sense to face things together as a family, right? If you have a, a, a person in the family who's got cancer or some serious illness, you don't, you don't keep that separate from everybody else. You, you come together as a family, and with mental health, we can do the same thing.

Jennifer: Exactly. We can allow each other to support one another, to pray for no- one another, to be there together, and to face it together. 

Anthony: Absolutely. So if you liked today's [00:15:00] episode, please leave a rating or review, and please share this episode with a friend who could benefit from its message. 

Jennifer: Now, if you remember, last episode, Anthony interviewed me about my thoughts on motherhood.

Well, next time on Parents Making Time, I'm turning the tables and interviewing Anthony about fatherhood. What it's taught him over the years from the pressure dads often feel about providing and protecting, to the quiet moments that end up meaning the most, and everything in between, this conversation will be honest, reflective, and deeply personal.

You'll want to listen for sure. Until next time, make time to become the parent you want to be