Tamika Carlton on Real Connection, Reciprocity, and Happiness

What if the quality of your relationships is shaping more of your life than your strategy ever could? In this episode of _Elevate Collection_, Tamika Carlton joins us for a powerful conversation on connection, reciprocity, grief, boundaries, presence, and why meaningful relationships are one of the greatest drivers of happiness, growth, and long-term success.

In this episode:

• How grief sharpened Tamika’s awareness of others
  
  
• Why networking often stays too transactional
  
  
• What makes relationships sustainable over time
  
  
• The role of reciprocity in healthy connection
  
  
• How quality relationships impact income and opportunity
  
  
• Why presence matters more than performance
  
  
• Protecting your energy with real boundaries
  
  
• Connection with self before connection with others
  
  

About Tamika Carlton:
Tamika Carlton is a relationship and communications expert, founder of Couples Experience and Tamika Carlton Collective, and host of _The Real Connect_, which launched in January 2025. Her work centers on helping people build stronger personal and professional relationships, and she has been featured by Oprah, Black Enterprise, Hello Seven, and Authority Magazine.

Before you go - here are three ways to continue elevating your legacy & connect:

1. Follow @ElevateCollection.co on Instagram along with your host, @alexandriareed.co & @Jordanhawkins.co
2. Subscribe to never miss an episode and get exclusive content
3. Share this trailer with three people who need to hear it

Remember: Your influence is just the beginning. Your legacy is the destination.

See you soon, where influence meets legacy.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:32

Welcome back to another episode of the Elevate Collection Podcast. We're so excited today. We are joined by our friend Tamika Carlton. Welcome to the podcast, Tamika.

SPEAKER_01 0:42

Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited. We're excited and y'all, she doesn't know this detail that I'm gonna start with after I tell you a little bit about her. And then we're gonna run because that is synergy's crazy. But y'all, Tamika is a powerhouse entrepreneur. She is a relationship expert and the visionary behind the Real Connect podcast. She is on a mission to transform how people build meaningful, sustaining relationships both personally and professionally, with a bold goal of growing the Real Connect to one million members and listeners. So we'll I'm gonna interject. We'll link everything because then go subscribe, follow all the things to her. But anywho, um, Tamika is working to disrupt a staggering reality. Only 14% of people report truly being happy. Her work is rooted in the belief that quality relationships are the single greatest driver of happiness, income growth, and long-term health. Her influence and expertise have earned her features on the Oprah Winfrey show, Black Enterprise, which also Jordan has been in. That's another story for later. Like we'll talk about it later. Um, I mean, I've been in it, but Jordan has also been in it. And if you are not watching this and you're seeing this for the first time, or you're listening to this for the first time and not watching, go to YouTube and you'll understand why that's interesting. Um, the Success Journey Podcast and Authority magazine, and the Hello Seven Podcast. And the reason that one is such a standout for us that we didn't realize until we were briefing on the episode is Jordan and I attended um what was ROI. Oh, nice in Puerto Rico a couple years ago.

SPEAKER_02 2:19

I was probably there.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

Now this gets crazy. So there was a moment that Jordan and I talked about all the time. So we, of course, like we started the Elevate Collection back in Denver years, what what year was that? 21? Yeah, 2012. In 2021, is when we started with Elevate Denver, and then we expanded to Atlanta, which brought up fourth the collection, right? Right. But we hadn't done all the back-end paperwork. We just knew what we were calling the Elevate Collection, and then but we still needed to figure out what we were gonna name our quote unquote parent company. And we were sitting in the auditorium at ROI, and it's such a pivotal moment, and it is a God wink moment, universe confirmation moment every time it happens, and it's only happened what like three, four times since then, where we're sitting and we were doing this grounding like breathing exercise, and I believe it was Tabitha Brown on the stage that was doing it for us, and I swear nobody else saw it, but there was a moment where we looked up and there was a single piece of confetti falling from the sky, and it has been such a marker. So, hello seven. After we attended that, we took on that entire year, and every time we greeted each other, everything was like, Hello Seven, good morning, seven. So it was a part of who we are we were and are at the time, and then also where we birthed so many different things, including how this and how we're showing up on your in your ears or where you're watching now. I love that. So you being here and also being there, it's a really cool connection full circle, always right alignment.

SPEAKER_03 3:50

That is um the three-year anniversary of that is tomorrow.

SPEAKER_02 3:54

Shut the door. I didn't even realize that. Yeah, that was a good one. Uh ROI is great. I've been I had worked with Rachel for several years and the podcast was fun. So it's just funny how like everything aligns somehow, which I love, which is connection, right?

SPEAKER_01 4:09

Well, that's what we believe in, and that's why it's so I'm so excited for this conversation with us, is even when it comes to quote unquote networking, what we believe in isn't necessarily like it. We call it networking sometimes because it's just what's it's easier, it's what's palatable, it's what sure society knows it as. But what we really geared around is connection, their connection experiences for us. How can we create an experience around connecting with other human beings? Yeah, so that's how we receive it. Yeah, but how did you get to this realm of being this powerhouse?

SPEAKER_02 4:43

Yeah, you know, I feel like the the world opens up for you even when you're not prepared for it. And I think that when I was younger, I lost my dad at a very young age, I was 13 years old. He died from a brain aneurysm, and it was completely unexpected. And one of the things that that like created a reality check for me was that life is a short, and there were a lot of things that were unspoken, and I felt like had I spoken them, I would have felt a little bit more free. And after he died, I felt a lot of obviously pain, but ultimately I felt like I could connect to I started seeing people's pain. Like literally, I could see other people's pain because I was in pain, and I think that a lot of times I I my hope with connection and everything is that we don't have to go through the painful experiences to connect to people to recognize and see people, and you know, when I went through that experience, and over the course of several years, obviously I'm no longer 13, but I think that more than anything, it was like no one really was willing. Life goes on after you experience painful things, right? No one's really willing, or no one really connects to you or says, like, what are you going through? What are you experiencing? How are how are you feeling? People just kind of pass on and go on about their days, and I felt like I was really focused on making sure that no one felt like I felt. And ever since then, I've been very demonstrative about ensuring that I listen to people, I'm more intentional, I'm very aware. And I think that when you talk about networking, it's like a lot of times when you quote unquote network, it's about transactional relationships when the truth is that those are not quality relationships. I mean, there's a time and a place for everything, right? But at the end of the day, we need to dig a little bit deeper to understand the value. Like you research, you saw the Hello Seven, like I was on the Hello Seven podcast, and it's like, oh, now we have a tie that's deeper than just me being here, right? And I think that there's so much more alignment, but it started from my dad passing, and then over time I just realized that people just are not connecting on a deep level, and it's gotten worse, especially after the pandemic.

SPEAKER_01 7:05

Did you sharing the story of losing your dad, has that been a catalyst for further connection for you at all?

SPEAKER_02 7:13

Yeah, uh, that's a good question. Um, I think it's a piece, I think that's the foundation for the why of what I do, but I don't think that that is why I connect to other people only. I think that I am more aware because I experience that, and I'm more aware that we all experience struggles, right? And the struggles do tie us together, but at the end of the day, we also experience so many triumphs. So I want to celebrate that too, right? But I think that there is so much to be said about understanding that we are more than our struggles, as I mentioned.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

So yeah, or even building on plight, you know, like you see a lot of like um content around or like film television show that build around like well for for common sake, like black plight or the the addict plight, you know what I mean, of like life and society of those things. So it's very interesting, um, and not a trauma bond. Right. But like for instance, like Jordan lost her father at a young age. I lost my father a few years back, and it's an interesting thing because we understand you see that you can identify that pain, but I think what's really beautiful and unique is hearing your story, and then I reflect back on your story about surviving a hundred percent of your worst days, and then I connect that to my story of like grief was such a catalyst for me of so many different things of like how I show up in life and how I show up in the lives of other people or how I see people. So it's very interesting that you can take these things that are meant to not meant to, but I mean they bring you down, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:01

They bring you down, they drop you sometimes, but it's those things that I think allow us to be more relatable.

SPEAKER_03 9:10

Totally. One thing I always say is, you know, my my story is very traumatic. And when I tell people, I have to preface it with like, hey, this is going to come off as a lot. Like, but no, like I'm cool, like I've dealt with my stuff. Like when I say this, it's gonna be a shock to your system. But like I've regulated. Um and people are always like, wow. It's because she says it with such a straight.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

She's like, so da-da-da.

SPEAKER_02 9:35

Like, I've been through this and I'm okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

And I can't remember where I was gonna take that, but but it you took it the next way, and it was there.

SPEAKER_01 9:45

So we can run, we can still run with that because of all of those things, and I'm sure with Jordan, like she wakes up with joy, like so much joy in the morning making she survived 100% of that.

SPEAKER_03 9:53

That's what I was gonna say. Y'all are in line, we all are connected, okay? We all are so what I was gonna say is never mind. It's clearly not supposed to come out. I literally just love my body again. Yeah, I have no idea.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

We're gonna have to cut it in this little bit. We are and like I love that. Honest again.

SPEAKER_03 10:14

It's real life. Because my memory lately has been like um. Oh, I was gonna say, I'm not a victim of my circumstances.

SPEAKER_02 10:21

Truly, truly, truly.

SPEAKER_03 10:25

Just in her memory, not her circumstances. But like I can still wake up every day with joy and find sunshine because I survived those 100% of my worst days, but I'm not a victim of my circumstances. The things that happen to me, like, maybe they happen for me. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 10:41

Nothing to do. I mean, as unfortunate and annoying as it can be, the truth is, is it is the truth because I think about where would I be had I not experienced that? Like, had I not experienced a lot of the trials that I've experienced. I mean, they say failure is just a redirection, right? And it's like that wasn't failure, obviously, but it was something to move me in a different direction. And again, my hope though is that people don't have to experience circumstances that are trash before they get it, before they recognize that like connection is valuable, people around you are valuable, you know, you know, support or or be present with the people that you love. Because I would have never expected to lose my father at a young age like that. I wasn't acclimated to the world of brain aneurysms or anything like that, right? And he died in his sleep. And to this day, the PTSD is real because you're like, oh my gosh, I could lose anyone at any given time in their sleep, right? And I think that's a big fear, and it also is a momentum builder. It's like if that's the case, then let me not waste time with the people that I'm around.

SPEAKER_03 11:54

How does that impact like how you move with the people in your world?

SPEAKER_02 11:58

Yeah, I don't think I consciously am moving that way, like, oh gosh, you're gonna die tomorrow. You know, but I think uh in my soul, in my presence, I recognize that if I'm around people, let me pay attention, let me be here. Because at the end of the day, you know, we have a lot of things going on in our worlds, but when you're somewhere, be there. What are we, what are we, why are we preventing ourselves from being focused and present? Because those are the times and those are the things that matter the most, and those are the memory creators. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:32

What in your mind and in the work that you've done, like what we can connect, right? Like you can connect, you can make the connection, those can be quality connections, you can be intentional about those. Sure. What do you believe makes these relationships sustainable? And how to determine which ones should not be, you should not be sustaining.

SPEAKER_02 12:52

Pretty strong, let me tell you, reciprocity is my thing, right? And I think you have to be intentional and aware of what you need from any relationship. And I think a lot of times I'm a strong believer that we were not really taught to be in quality relationships, like in elementary school, no one the only thing that we were taught was right from wrong. We weren't taught like how to truly socialize unless our parents taught us that. So I think a lot of it is like just being willing to be open to hearing what people need from you and being willing to communicate what you need from other people, and I think that is a vulnerability that we do not always want to access, but that is how you are able to have quality relationships.

SPEAKER_01 13:37

Let me tell you something. I'm gonna be don't cuss me out later. I won't even look at you right now when I say this because you're gonna be like, Alex, I can't believe you say that. Okay. This is so beautiful in this moment, and when it talks about building this podcast and building this business, how it built yourself and builds you. This is a relationship that takes so much work, and we're so grateful for it. Don't get me wrong. But what you just said is exactly what we have consistently had to do, had to do and create dialogue and create safety around it. Girl, you just preached to my soul because it's a quality relationship, and it's hard, and it's hard at all.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

It is not easy to be like, girl, I needed this from you, or this annoyed me, or whatever it is, but you have to be willing to break down the walls of what you require and what you expect, or to share what you're thinking, whether it's good, bad, or indifferent. It could be a vision that you have. A lot of people don't feel comfortable sharing their stories or their visions or their creativity with people because they're like, A, are you gonna take it? Are you gonna think it's stupid, whatever? And it's like if you have a good relationship, you can bounce ideas off of one another because you're willing to share and say, Oh, I was thinking about this, or I know this person, or we should connect here, or whatever it may be. A lot of times we don't build that because we're so accustomed to being within ourselves, and that's not gonna get you anywhere. I mean, the the point is that you know, research says that 14%, only 14% of Americans report being truly happy. And research says that quality relationships can get you over the threshold of being happy, and I think the true that is true. I mean, you two are an example, right? Without you two together, your life would be different. It would. I mean, truly, right? And and it's I we all want this, we all need this, we all require it, but who is really willing to break down the barriers to get to what you can actually how you can create it?

SPEAKER_03 15:44

I mean, we actually just had a conversation the other day about how our friendship and business is essentially a marriage, yes, like and like especially when you're in business with your best friend, like it's hard keeping those boundaries, and it's hard being like we deal with finances, we deal with we have partners, we have children, like there are a lot of external factors that come into this, and you know, it sales cures all and sales aren't always hopping, and like you have to have hard decisions, and it's like, hey, what are we gonna do about this? And and you know, sometimes your dreams and visions and goals are different, or or sometimes you're not speaking the same language. Correct. That's something that we struggle with a lot, and we're like, we're saying the same thing, but we're talking past each other, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:27

Right, and we can be vulnerable in that. There are definitely times where we are literally saying the same exact thing, but neither one of us are hearing each other because we are we're talking past each other because we're like, I want you to understand like where I'm coming from, and she's like, I do too.

SPEAKER_00 16:40

And I'm like, Oh shit, we're saying the same thing.

SPEAKER_02 16:42

Yeah, I think that's interesting too because it's like when you're when you're communicating with people in any dynamic, your your priority is to make sure that you're heard. Like you want to make sure that you're understood, and the best relationships work when you recognize that it's an us, and if I listen to you and you get me, we're now bound bonded, like we're connected in that way. And I think a lot of I mean in a marriage and whatever, it's like sometimes you don't want to hear what they got to say, but the truth is is that they know you better than you know yourself sometimes, so you need to listen.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

Truly with that, and now we're gonna y'all just track with us, bear with us, okay. Okay, so from a real estate, so our background, of course, is real estate. Like we've spoken, like, like I spoke on this panel years ago about like taking connections and converting them to commissions, right? Yes. You in your philosophy and what you've built, you talk about how quality relationships are a driver of an increase of income. I love what do you like explain to us how you're linking that? Like, I understand from a real estate perspective and like from building a business perspective as an entrepreneur, but to someone maybe that's not in that mindset, I would love to hear how you correlate them.

SPEAKER_02 18:02

I mean, everything that I've accomplished in my life outside of it starts with a connection to self, right? Your connection to self can then be expounded to connection to others, right? But every connection that I'll be using most, I know, right? Most lap, I mean, most connections that I've had have amounted to something else. And it's such a small world that just like you researched that I was on the Hello Seven podcast, there's so many other people that like I was I was interviewing someone the other day for a role, and they're like, Oh, I know you, my husband knows you from da-da-da-da-da from 15 years ago. And I was like, I don't know who your husband is, but that's crazy because here we are again, and you're gonna help me make money. Path is perfect, you know. And the thing is, is that we have to, you know, there's a saying, don't burn bridges. That is truly don't burn your connections. People are paying attention to you wherever you go.

unknown 18:58

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 18:59

People are looking at you up and down wherever you go, they're acknowledging your energy, who you are, what you present, wherever you go. I think a lot of people undervalue when you walk into a room, you may not recognize that people are paying attention, but someone is. And that same person, five years later or 10 years later, or whatever, can be the person that's gonna help you make money. And that's all in a feather.

SPEAKER_03 19:23

So you know a place where I that's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 19:27

I love that feather.

SPEAKER_03 19:28

That's not true. And like it won't go away, is it?

SPEAKER_02 19:30

Yeah. Oh my gosh, y'all be having too much like we're hyper-aware.

SPEAKER_03 19:35

We're very woo-woo over here.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

I like I love it. The confetti, the feather, hello to the moment.

SPEAKER_03 19:41

I think a place where like truly seeing people and the value that they bring to the table is customer service. Yeah. Like, I love to go into a Starbucks and just receive impeccable service. And I'm like, hey, if no one has told you this today, like you're amazing at what you do.

SPEAKER_02 19:56

Thank you for doing that because a lot of people don't recognize that. Like, a lot of people don't even the service industry sector, people don't value that.

SPEAKER_03 20:06

I tell you what, if you can work retail or in the bar or in a restaurant or anything that's customer facing, anything hospitality customer facing, you can't convince me that you wouldn't be successful at anything. You're you're dealing with so many different energies, people coming in. And a lot of times, um, like I managed a retail store for years, that's actually how Alex and I met, but a lot of times, like you, as the customer service representative, can be pivotal in the person's life, and so many people just don't even realize that. Like, you never know what someone's going through, and you have the opportunity in that moment to make such a large no matter what role you have.

SPEAKER_02 20:43

I think that's another thing too, because I think so many people undervalue you know certain roles of jobs, if you will, and like every role has value no matter what, because of customer service, because they may be present when you have a need, you just never know. The point is is to just be present, be connected, and recognize that every person that exists has something, even people that you don't agree with, cut them off, but there was value in that cutoff.

SPEAKER_03 21:16

How do you protect yourself and protect your energy and preserve like your boundaries towards what you're going towards?

SPEAKER_02 21:23

Yeah, I always say good boundaries um don't have any exceptions. So, like, if for example, I do not work on the weekends, I don't open my computer, people can message me, text me. All I don't, and that's because for years I worked on the weekends. And now that's a boundary. I need space, I need my time. And there is no exceptions. There is no, well, this weekend we have a podcast this week. No, we don't. We can that can wait. That's number one. Number two, for me, like everyone around me that's close to me understands that like Tamika will answer your phone call, but if it's unimportant, Tamika will get off the phone. Like, I don't have time for things that are not real, real problems. Like, I want to be present, like, I'll answer your phone call. Are you good? I'm about to hop on this meeting. Are you okay? If you're not good, I'll take a moment. The meeting can wait, whatever. But if it is not important, if you're trying to gossip, I don't have time for that. And my husband knows like, don't bother Tamika during bath time. Okay, Tamika, give her her glass of wine and she let her do. Okay, like, but I think you have to create moments for yourself. For me, it's like I have shower every night with my candles, and I have my my rituals. Yeah, and rituals are important. That wasn't important to me 10 years ago, but now it's definitely important.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

I love this. It's just because it's not only are you talking about the connections with other people, but you said like connection with self-house. So much of this is rooted in yourself and like what you tolerate for yourself. Back in the day, like when there was an author that was like viral, she was all the places, she had like a couple books after that, but it was a book, and one of the things that I remember, I don't want to get sued or nothing, so I'm not saying it. But um you just never know. No, you never know, right? But there was this thing that I love, the principle that I love about it, and it something that stuck with me is like not breaking promises to yourself.

SPEAKER_04 23:27

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 23:28

Like you are so good about keeping these promises to everybody else and showing up everybody else. So, like, my thing at the end of the year, because I'm always weary about New Year's resolutions. So I try to start things like at the end of the last year. So I'm like, how I end something is how I start something. So I can't wait. Um, but my thing was take your damn vitamins. Yes. And so it was my promise to myself was take your vitamins every day. And it's so simple. I know it's ridiculous. I mean, it's not though. But I'll keep my promise to myself.

SPEAKER_02 23:55

I think that's a good point. I mean, keeping your promise to yourself because we we don't a lot. Like, we're like, I'm gonna work out, I'm gonna take care of myself, I'm gonna tell people that they get on my nerves or tell the truth. You know, I I tell people I'm in my truth era. You send me an email that doesn't is ridiculous. I'm telling you. I'm not about to be like, oh, it's okay. No, you need to not be like this to other people. When is your birthday?

SPEAKER_01 24:19

September 19th, Virgo. Okay, Virgo. I we gotta introduce her to Kayla, because I just there's so like Kayla's a really dear friend of mine, and maybe it's an Aries Virgo thing. I don't know. Kayla. Like you're just it's it's a beautiful it's a great thing. That's good. Um go, Kayla.

SPEAKER_03 24:36

Tamika, what's next for you personally and professionally?

SPEAKER_02 24:40

You know, I'm I'm kind of in flow, but I really am enjoying the podcast. I would really like for the podcast to continue to grow, and I think that we can make some really amazing connections. It's interesting because for a long time I didn't want to be in front of the camera. I went to school for broadcast journalism, and I was like, no, I think I'm not, I want to be behind the scenes, and then now I'm like in the forefront, and I'm I I feel like it's it's it's time, and I think that momentum will continue to build with the podcast. I'm excited about that.

SPEAKER_01 25:14

I love this. And then I would love to do, as we round out the episode, a little segment of In N Out with you. Okay, especially from a connection expert. Out, out, out. No, I'm gonna all of it, all of it, done. Okay, so right off the bat, and this, y'all, your answers are your own. Yes, okay. Fast growth. Uh out. Being highly accessible. You already answered this one. Out leading with empathy.

SPEAKER_02 25:44

Actually, you know what? No, it's out. I'm that was your instinct. Was out. Your instinct was out. I know. What is that? Sorry, I listen.

SPEAKER_01 25:53

Leading with empathy.

SPEAKER_02 25:54

Oh, in.

SPEAKER_01 25:55

Keeping work and personal life separate. In sharing personal experiences publicly.

unknown 26:02

Oof. Out.

SPEAKER_01 26:05

Building community before scale. I'm super private, y'all. Listen, there was a client who's been a client of ours for what last couple years, and and we've had conversations, don't get me wrong, but she was like, wait, you have two kids? And I was like, Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:17

See, because you're yeah, you don't share that.

SPEAKER_01 26:20

I think it's also probably I'm scary sometimes. Cause I was like, I know people that are researchers, and I'm a researcher myself. And being the space that we often work in, I will screenshot something and reverse image search that thing, and I know, and now I got your address, baby.

SPEAKER_02 26:34

Hello.

SPEAKER_01 26:35

So anyhow. Exactly. Building community before scale.

SPEAKER_02 26:40

Oh, definitely in.

SPEAKER_01 26:41

Strong boundaries. In being visibly vulnerable.

SPEAKER_03 26:47

In consistency over intensity. In quiet leadership? Uh out. Front leadership. In rear leadership. Out.

SPEAKER_01 27:03

Love. Yeah. So in this moment, in this season, outside of making sure they're connected with your podcast and everything about you on socials, what is something people under the sound of our voices or visibly watching this podcast can do for you to help move your needle forward?

SPEAKER_02 27:20

Be better. Be better humans, man. Connect with people. Listen. Be aware. I think just be present with your loved ones. That's really important to me. If you don't listen to the podcast, if you don't do anything else, be good humans that connect and listen.

SPEAKER_03 27:37

I love it. Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom with us. Thank you for teaching us to be better connectors in 2026. Yes. I love that.

SPEAKER_02 27:47

Thank you so much for having me.

SPEAKER_03 27:48

Thanks for joining.