Episode 19 - Chris & Gem Ward - She had the Silver Bullet, our Truth was the Smoking Gun

Episode 19

Guest – Chris & Gem Ward

On our upcoming episode of the Broken Fathers Podcast, I sit down with Chris, a 35-year-old father from Tasmania who works in the Federal Government. He'll be joined by his fiancée, Gem Ward, a nurse. Chris was raised by both his parents, who are still together today. He met his ex-partner in 2008 and, looking back, he recalls early signs of her questioning his every move. For example, when he helped her friend, who was too intoxicated to walk, into a cab, she accused Chris of cheating.

Chris joined the Army in 2007 at 17, moving off barracks and in with his ex-partner shortly after meeting. In 2010, Chris was first deployed to Afghanistan, and then again in 2011. Chris recalls listening to other diggers on the phone during his deployments, hearing about the problems they were having back home due to the immense pressure of being away.

In 2012, Chris applied for special forces. His psychological assessments identified extreme stubbornness as a character trait. Chris acknowledges that his perception of his ex enduring his deployments, led him to propose to her. In early 2015, Chris married his ex-partner. In 2016, Chris deployed to Iraq with a good friend who later took his own life. This was a wake-up call for Chris, leading to his discharge from the army. Not long after the suicide, there was an inquest into his death. In mid-2018, Chris's ex-partner became pregnant, and in February 2019, their beautiful son was born. He recalls holding his son for the first time as a life-changing moment.

Not long after his then-wife returned to work, he noticed a change in her behaviour. His ex began working at an employment agency and began spending time with male work colleagues for coffee outside of work hours. Chris noticed she started getting her nails done, and then this work colleague began coming to their house to pick her up. When Chris questioned her about who he was, she simply replied, "he's just a friend." The next time he came over, his ex-brought him into the house and introduced him to their son. Soon after, she started going on late night walks and would seek to spend time socialising with these colleagues of an evening on the justification that Chris would be working one night a week as an Army reservist.

Chris recounts the shocking experience of his property settlement, early in the separation, which (in hindsight) signalled his ex-partner’s intent. The Real Estate agent employed to sell the house was identified by his ex, and after signing him on, this agent refused to communicate with him, despite him being the one occupying the property. The agent would conduct inspections of the property without Chris’ knowledge, and when Chris identified missing items, he was left with no choice but to chain lock the door and sneak out of the bathroom window to leave his home.

Gem opens up about her difficult upbringing in a broken home, including her mother's attempts to blackmail her against her father and making outrageous claims in court, such as stating he was a threat because he was a firefighter and knew how to light fires. She also shares her experience with a physically abusive ex and how one of Chris's most admirable traits when they met was his refusal to speak negatively about his ex. Gem's unwavering support for Chris through family court, however, inadvertently brought up her own childhood trauma.

The episode delves into the family court's apparent disregard for Chris's care of Gem's children whom he cared for 12 nights per fortnight. Chris also shares a disturbing incident where his son split his head at childcare, and when he sought answers, he was shockingly informed he was no longer on the enrolment form and therefore not entitled to them. He vividly recalls a 5 PM Sunday handover where