Episode 35 - Pete Dane - I've been knocked down more times than most could ever imagine

Episode 35

Guest - Pete Dane

This is a touching story of a man, by the name of Peter Dane, who has really seen it all - literally from both sides of the fence, and I mean both sides! 

By all accounts, Peter was an upstanding law-abiding citizen, having spent 19 years working within the NSW law enforcement and criminal justice system, to then being managed by it! 

He was hard-working, a loving, and devoted father, a genuine, straight-shooter, and all round good bloke, that so many people easily got along with! 

Unfortunately, after having separated from his now ex-wife back in late 2016, after having spent 18.5 years together, things turned sour quite quickly! Having three (3) children from this union, his ex-wife began to make things very difficult for him in seeing his children (constantly withholding the children from him and playing mind games etc), whereby he was forced to commence family court proceedings in order to gain fair access. Such family court proceedings went back and forth through the family court system for about five (5) years or so, costing him hundreds and thousands of dollars along the way, and at the end, very little was gained!

Shortly after his separation from his ex-wife, his ex-wife began to bring their personal marital/relationship issues into his workplace (via her attending the house of, and speaking to one of Peter's female work colleagues at the time), coupled with her making multiple fabricated, vexatious, and malicious allegations against him, which in turn caused Peter enormous and irreparable damage to his work environment and relationships with his then work colleagues. This was all in part to his ex-wife "rebelling" and her "resentment" against the separation, as she made a comment to Peter just prior to him leaving the family home, saying words to the effect of "The moment you walk out this door, I'm going to make your life a fuckin living hell, make no mistake about that, you hear me"! By all accounts his ex-wife was a very "scorned", "spiteful", and "resentful" woman! 

In late 2017, about 12 months or so after his marriage separation, Peter (with reservations at the time) began a new relationship with a woman he met and fonded a strong relationship with through work. What appeared to start out great, soon turned out to be a living nightmare! Peter describes how his new partner (now ex-partner who he was in a romantic relationship with for about two (2) years), was fixated (on his ex-wife), and would constantly bring up matters involving his ex-wife and her toxic and hostile behaviour. His ex-partner would constantly (on a near daily basis) engage in heavy alcohol use (to the point of intoxication), whereby she would become extremely aggressive, abusive, threatening, throwing objects at him, and constantly looking for and wanting to engage in heated arguments and confrontations, namely over matters his ex-wife had and was continually causing etc! She would also make up things to start an argument, that simply weren't there or true! 

Peter describes how once his ex-wife became aware of his new relationship, things with his ex-wife deteriorated rapidly, and spiralled out of control, whereby she took things to another level! Peter describes how he was subjected to countless violent threats, abuse, hostilities etc from his ex-wife and some of her family members; he was subjected to physical assaults by his ex-wife, including attempts by his ex-wife to run him over in her motor vehicle while their three (3) children where inside, his ex-wife turning up to his house uninvited and creating a scene at the house (yelling, screaming, making verbal threats etc), including kicking the front door, amongst many other incidents. 

Peter explains he made about 11 reports to police about these various incidents, seeking an Apprehended Domestic Violence Order (ADVO) be taken out against his ex-wife, but it was to no avail. It was only after his 12th police report being lodged, and his car being damaged by his ex-wife, that police finally took out a ADVO. Despite such, Peter advises that his ex-wife not only breached such ADVO once, but twice, and in turn was only given a "verbal warning" from the Courts regarding such breaches. 

Given the significant toxic and hostile issues Peter was experiencing, namely involving his ex-wife, and ex-partner, coupled with the access limitations he was having in being able to see his three (3) children at the time; Peter's mental health had deteriorated rapidly, to the point whereby he sadly made numerous suicide attempts, resulting in him having to spend many weeks in and out of the ICU, hospitals, and psychiatric units. By all accounts, Peter should have been dead by his poor chosen actions at the time, but by some absolute miracle, he is thankfully still alive and here with us which is amazing!

Sadly, in late 2019, things between him, his ex-partner, and his ex-wife continued to rapidly deteriorate, coupled with the fact his three (3) children were being withheld from him by his ex-wife, which had tipped him over the edge. Very sadly, and unfortunately, as a result of Peter reacting, acting out, and engaging in some very poor choices and poor behaviour on a particular night, he found himself in some serious trouble with the law, whereby he was charged by police with several DV related offences, to which he plead guilty to, and was subsequently incarcerated for! 

It takes a real man to own up to his mistakes, and Peter fully and openly acknowledges, accepts, and takes full responsibility for all his wrongdoings, his poor choices, and his unacceptable behaviour (without minimising), regarding the events of what happened on that horrendous night! 

This is definitely a life-changing story on so many fronts, which is not to be missed!!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Fathers podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal advice. If you are going through the family law court process, particularly as a father, then this podcast may be relevant to what you may experience. Some things we discuss in these episodes may be triggering, and if you suffer from any form of mental health-related conditions or subject to domestic or family violence and need any assistance, then please call 1-800 Respect and Lifeline. The views and experiences discussed by people on our show are not necessarily the views and opinions of Broken Fathers podcasts or their guest speakers. We strongly advise you to seek your own independent legal and professional advice as the Broken Fathers Podcast will not be liable, answerable, or accountable for any loss or damage or litigation resulting from discussions on our platform. Right, this podcast is now in session. Hold on guys, the judge is running away to court. So whilst we wait, I'd like to take this moment to acknowledge our platinum sponsor, Straight Up Construction. At Strade Up Construction, they take pride in delivering hard work across every trade. From new builds to renovations, no job is too big or too small. Director Luke Miller and his dedicated team tackle every project with integrity, hard work, honesty, and a commitment to delivering superior quality results every time. Stride Up Construction is built on the belief that strong foundations matter just as much in the bones of a home as they do in the heart of one. Families should stand strong and every loving parent should maintain their right to be a part of their children's lives. Stride Up Construction believes that in Trinity Spirit, everyone deserves a fair go. That's why we're proud to have Stride Up Construction as our platinum sponsor. With their support, we continue to produce the Broken Fathers Podcast and shine a light on the struggles of men who have been let down by the system. Good morning, listeners and viewers, and welcome back to the Broken Fathers Podcast, Australia's first and only podcast dedicated to addressing family court issues from the perspective of fathers. I'm your host, Percy. Now, before I introduce my next guest, just a reminder the link for my podcast merchandise is in our bio on Insta, Facebook, TikTok, or just go straight to fkvx.au. Now today's guest has lived through a journey that few people could ever imagine. For nearly two decades, he worked within Australia's law enforcement and criminal justice system in management roles, building a career dedicated to upholding the law and serving the community. By all accounts, he was a respected professional, a law-abiding citizen, and a devoted father. But behind the scenes, his personal life was beginning to unravel. What followed was a series of events that would completely change the course of his life. He found himself navigating a bitter family court battle, prolonged separation from his children, serious mental health struggles, multiple suicide attempts, and extended periods in psychiatric care. He experienced firsthand what it felt like to move from working within the justice system to being subjected to it. His life eventually spiral to the point where he faced criminal charges, imprisonment, and the loss of everything he had worked so hard to build. Yet despite hitting rock bottom, he survived, he rebuilt, and today he joins us to share his experiences, his lessons, and his perspective on family court, mental health, fatherhood, resilience, and what it truly means to start again from nothing. This is a story of loss, survival, accountability, and rebuilding a life when everything appears lost. Please welcome today's guest, Peter Dane. Welcome, mate.

SPEAKER_02 3:26

Thanks, Jared. Thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

Mate, thanks for coming on. Like all my guests, I want to acknowledge that you've taken time out of your day, money out of your pocket to travel up here from another state. Thank you very much. Before we crack on to the family court, which I call circus, I think it's important to know where my guest is from. So where was Pete born and what what was life like growing up for Pete?

SPEAKER_02 3:53

So um thanks, Janet. So born in Westmead, um, New South Wales, obviously New South Wales, born and bred. Um spent uh all of my life living in New South Wales except for probably two years I spent up in Queensland in my younger years, um, but otherwise pretty much New South Wales through and through.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

Yep. You spoke offline, you're a doggy supporter.

SPEAKER_02 4:16

Doggy supporter, yep. Supported them since I was a young kid.

SPEAKER_00 4:19

Nice. Uh what was schooling like?

SPEAKER_02 4:21

Schooling, yeah, um obviously finished, uh went up through to year 10, uh, then did a trade. Um spent a bit of time in the trade, uh mechanical trade, and then um converted over to law enforcement in spit. As you said, nearly 20 years in there.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

Mate um siblings?

SPEAKER_02 4:38

Uh none. I'm the only child. I've got I've got uh I've got stepbrothers and sisters from my father's side.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

So your mum and dad split that when I was young.

SPEAKER_02 4:47

When you're I was probably four or five.

SPEAKER_00 4:49

Do you can you remember much of that?

SPEAKER_02 4:50

Was it amicable or uh not really? No, it wasn't. I would say it's not. Um mum left my father. Um yeah, they didn't obviously see eye to eye uh there, but you know, I spent minimal time with my father um during my formative years. Um but I I guess my relationship rebuilt with him probably from about 17, 18 I was. Yeah. Um we still maintain contact, he lives in Queensland. Yeah. So you know we we see each other, but yeah. Um yeah, my mother's obviously passed away. She she passed away in 2017 to cancer. Sorry to either. Thank you. And um, yeah, I was extremely close to mum. Yeah, um obviously, you know, very, very strong relationship with my mother. Um and yeah, you know, get on very well with my dad. And my dad's getting older now. I mean, he's pushing actually he is 83. So um, yeah, he's he's going well for his age, that's for sure. Yeah, but um, like anything in life, you never know when things can change.

SPEAKER_00 5:53

Yeah. So, mate, you finished school and then where'd you go to from there?

SPEAKER_02 5:57

From school. Yeah. So finished school, did my mechanical apprenticeship. Yep. Um, did my four-year apprenticeship there, um, was a qualified tradesman, spent a number of years in that trade, um, and then converted over to law enforcement. There wasn't enough money in the um mechanical trade back then. And a friend of mine actually got me into uh going to the law at criminal justice system. Yeah, so um I thought, yeah, I'll go go go over and give it a go. And I did that and uh yeah, I really enjoyed it.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

And um so how were you then about 23 or something when you was Yeah?

SPEAKER_02 6:34

What year was that? It would have been 2000 and 2002.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

So you're 21. 21, yeah. So 21 you joined corrections? Attorney General's department. Okay, yeah. So what's that? What's uh so that was working for the courts? Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, okay. And how long did you do that for?

SPEAKER_02 6:55

Um probably two years.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

Yeah, and what were some of your roles and responsibilities in in that role?

SPEAKER_02 7:00

Basically working alongside the sheriff's uh sheriff offices and things like that in the um in the district court. Yep. Um so initialized district court system, so I did that for yeah, a couple of years. Um then went over and worked for the in the transit, basically like the transit police for a period of um six and a half years. Yeah, well. And then um from there went over at corrective services. Yeah, okay. Uh spent twelve twelve and a half years in there.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

What um prison were you at there when you did corrections?

SPEAKER_02 7:34

I wasn't in the prison, I was actually in parole, so I was dealing with the parole unit.

SPEAKER_00 7:37

Oh, okay. So, how's that work? Because I don't know how it works.

SPEAKER_02 7:40

So we manage offenders that um Oh that are on parole, okay. Parole court-based orders and things like that. So yeah, I I was a a manager in that in that um position. Yep. Um so yeah, worked my way up. Um was in a special unit within that department as well for a while that managed um the highest risk uh offenders in the state. Um yeah, so it was a an eye-opener uh having spent that long in there. Um it was uh I really enjoyed the role. Um very challenging. Um took its toll at times, as as most jobs do. Um, but yeah, it was uh something that I took great pride in. And um, you know, I was you know, I consider myself very firm and fair. Um and as I said, I had worked my way up from you know entry level coming in um to uh to middle management type of position.

SPEAKER_00 8:37

Yeah, nice.

SPEAKER_02 8:38

Mate, um so I guess somewhere along this journey you meet your your partner at some point during this journey, your first yeah, my my my first, so obviously my ex-wife now, but um yeah, I met my ex partner uh who obviously became a wife back in we were very young.

SPEAKER_00 8:59

Because before we start, you heard you just so people don't get lost, you've got two um ex-partners, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:08

I've only been in three series for relationships. Yeah. Um my now ex-wife, who I was with in total duration for eight and a half years. Yeah, we were together since I was 17, she was 16. Uh my then ex um we're together about two two years um after I separated from my ex-wife. Yep. And obviously my current wife, who I've been with for um just over six years.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

Okay. All right, sorry, mate, back to the yeah, so you you met your first wife? Yeah, we were uh back in high school. Oh well, just after, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:39

It was, yeah. So I I was an apprentice at the time. Uh apprentice, I think I was second year, yeah, uh, for memory. Um she had just finished up school, I think she was in year finish up year 11 or something like that. Um we're going back a long time ago now. Um and obviously, yeah, we we kicked it off uh at a young age. Um and yeah, you know, we had, I guess, like most couples, you want to eventually have children and get married and so on. So so we did. Uh we had look back then a lot of problems. My my ex-wife uh had a lot of problems falling pregnant. Uh sorry, not falling pregnant. Um falling pregnant was easy, but actually being eight, we had a lot of miscarriages, so she wasn't able to kind of get past that first trimester, um, which took you know obviously a lot of toll on on both of us, but obviously particularly her because she had to go through the the mental side and physical side. I was just going through the physical side of it and being by side. So had about eight miscarriages, I think, in memory. And then um when we finally got past um the first trimester, I think, say on pregnancy nine, um, we then had a stillborn. So our first one at 23 and a half weeks gestation. So yeah, that took a massive toll, and um that was 2003 in memory, I think. 2003, and um, yeah, our firstborn, um 2004.

SPEAKER_00 11:17

That would have been a big uh what's a relief or big um not real, what's the word? Blessing, I guess. Blessing.

SPEAKER_02 11:24

Blessing, yeah, blessing. You can certainly say that. So it was uh yeah, phenomenal. Um boy, girl, boy, boy, yeah. So I've got we've got three children together. Yep. Uh two boys, two oldest ones are boys, and the youngest one's um girl. Yep. And they're um, this is now twenty uh twenty-one, going on twenty-two, twenty going on twenty-one, and my daughter a couple of months ago turned 17.

SPEAKER_00 11:47

So Was there any dramas or any miscarriages after you had your first son?

SPEAKER_02 11:52

There was between so the first two, no. Uh the the two boys back to back. And then the twelve, they're they're exactly 12 months and three weeks apart, and then there was one miscarriage between the second boy and then my daughter. Yeah, we actually weren't going to have the third one um because it was just enough. We were grateful to obviously have one, let alone two at that stage. But then we really wanted to try and go for a girl, and you know, we got that, and that was yeah, we're very blessed with what we have. So considering we could have had no children, yeah, to ending up with three healthy children is um gotta find the positive and the negative.

SPEAKER_00 12:29

Like you said, it's a it's a blessing. Um if you don't mind me asking, I always ask all the fives. Um, did you watch the your ex-partner give birth to your to your son the first time?

SPEAKER_02 12:40

I did. So we because of the medical issues um that obviously transpired with all the miscarriages that she had, that um they decided to do cesarean sections on all three of them. So I was in I was in the surgical ward theatre um when all three were delivered. Yep. Um so they were obviously um you know planned in terms of when they were going. They weren't emergency seizures, um, they were planned seizures, but because yeah, um of the medical issues, they said it was too risky to go natural for her and and and the baby. So um, yeah, I was present on all three, which and how was that feeling first time?

SPEAKER_00 13:23

First time fantastic.

SPEAKER_02 13:24

Bore bore my eyes out. I think we both did um very, very um, yeah, it was beautiful feeling, something that just you know we cherished hit with a semi-truck full of emotions. Absolutely, like you know, I I never I never thought we'd have children just because of all the issues that um we went through and despite all the tests and that they couldn't find any reason, so there was no medical reasons for it. It just was what for whatever reason it was one of those things, just as I said, you couldn't get past the the first trimester, and then when we did finally get past that first trimester, we ended up with our having a daughter that we you know obviously because she went over 20 weeks gestation and when they you deliver, you've got you've got to bury them. So you had to go through the full funeral and that as well. So it was um very horrendous traumatic experience, you know. It's um, you know, and and I I took my hat off, uh, and I still do, you know, despite our differences um to my ex-wife, you know. Um she stayed very strong through that period, you know, and um I know how bad it was for myself. I can only imagine how it was for her going through the emotional side and the physical side. Yeah. So um, yeah, it was uh it was it was tough days back then, and you know, it it it still no doubt um traumatizes us, I guess, to some degree.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

Were you s given everything that you both had been through, were you scared to have a second one knowing that we could be, you know, you know, face the same hurdles we did the first time?

SPEAKER_02 14:55

Look, you know, getting after we got to uh that ninth ninth pregnancy of the of a daughter was where we had a stillborn.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

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SPEAKER_02 16:31

Yeah, so it was tough. Look, we after that we weren't going to um even try for another one. And uh Hellbent that um we we did. And yeah, it was it was shaky ground. But even that pregnancy, I still remember it wasn't it wasn't smooth sailing. I mean um as I said, I think she had with the medical reasons they had what they call weak cervix. Um and therefore when the pregnancy got so far in um I'm no doctor, so but you know, from from a perspective is what I got explained to me is that you know, uh as the the the the baby gets heavier, the cervix because they're weak and they shorten, they start to open, they then go into um premature labour. So they had to she would go through the high-risk unit pretty much every week. She would go to a clinic and get monitored both by her ultrasounds and and you know, high-risk doctors and stuff like that. And it got to a certain point where they would monitor it. Once they saw the saw the cervix start shortening, they then put a cervical stitch in. And then she was bedridden, I remember, with my oldest one. Um six, seven weeks and was in hospital for you know before. So and look they let her go to about 36 between 36, 37 weeks gestation, and then they delivered with all three of them.

SPEAKER_00 17:54

Yeah. Um I know we haven't got to it yet, but you know, because I'm sure there was at some point there was fractures in the in the relationship. But um do you think the um the the miscarriages and I'm I'm jumping the gun here, um, you know, took a toll, obviously on both of you, but on on the strain of the the relationship, maybe? Oh without a doubt.

SPEAKER_02 18:15

I mean, you know, psychologically, um it how couldn't it? Yeah, it would it would have to. Uh so there is no doubt that um that trauma uh that we went through um played a toll and and you know, I think a big the the big thing, I guess, and I've had plenty of time to reflect on where things probably went wrong. I mean, we were obviously quite young when we got together, um, and I think we just grew apart. That's how I believe, you know. I mean, obviously like any relationship, you have your ups and downs and things like that. But um, you know, through the entire the entire way through it, um until we separated, there was like there was no domestic violence whatsoever um you know from a physical perspective. Um it was, you know, you have your your fights and your arguments, you know, your verbal fights and arguments I'm talking about and disagreements and so on, but you know, you kind of work through them and you get by and just yeah, towards the back end, we just didn't say eye to eye. And um got to a a a point I know from my perspective where you know I I knew things were bad when because I've been very sporty all my life, uh particularly in you know, rugby league scene and things like that. And um got to the back end there, go where you know I always I just I love to be able to rush home to get to my kids to see them in bed before I go back and fully training and and see them in bed. Um see them before they went to bed, you know what I mean? And towards the back end of that relationship, I just chose to stay, you know, I'd stay back longer at training, I'd go to the pub with the boys for a beer and things like that, which was out of character for me. Just so I didn't have to face spent less time with her basically, which then it obviously impacts on the children, so I knew then it's the time. Yeah, you call it.

SPEAKER_00 20:03

Um so you had your you had your two boys and your daughter. Um and then sort of how far later on did did uh the the the relationship come to an end after you had your daughter?

SPEAKER_02 20:16

So the the relationship so my daughter was born in 2009 and the relationship didn't end until the until December late twenty yeah, tw December twenty sixteen.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

Oh okay, so yeah, it was still still together a while. Yeah, another seven years, yeah. Um okay, so you guys obviously come to an end. Was it amicable, smooth sailing? Did you end up in court?

SPEAKER_02 20:43

Definitely not amicable. Um so the the the court scene started the following year in 2017. Um so basically so when it separated, uh I'm the one that called it. Um enough was enough from my perspective. Um it just I was just not happy. Um you know, it was I could see it was starting to affect the children as well. Um and I knew, look, I knew my my ex-wife wasn't happy either, to be honest. I think like like a lot of people, you you you probably stay in in the relationship for the sake of the children. I certainly did, and and I'm sure that if she was us, she would say the same thing. So uh it was just time to go and I I made that cut and and um having done that, uh then we had to so I moved out of the family home and left her with the the children there. Um and then it was about trying to work out um you know, custody arrangements, things like that. And and that's when obviously family court got involved because it just wasn't going to be an amicable situation, it wasn't an agreement. Um things kicked off around about in you know, in the year two thousand seventeen.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

Okay. Well uh real quick uh one question I think uh I've never asked um Because I've never been married before. But even if everything was smooth sailing and you guys want to go your own way, you'd still have to go to court anyway. Because because you're married, you gotta file for the divorce, wait 12 months. So regardless, let's just say it was all smooth sailing. People that are married have to go to court anyway to finalise this the divorce, is that right? Correct. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02 22:19

So that's correct. So when you when you divorce, you've got to be separated. I I'm not sure what other states' laws are, but New South Wales is 12 months. 12 months, yeah. So um the I couldn't file for divorce until I think it was roughly January 2018. Um, and that's when you go through property settlements and so you you do divorce, and then they go through the breakdown of what the assets are going to be and finances and so on. So um, but yeah, family court had kicked off before that because of trying to access the children, whether I was I never wanted to try and take the kids away from my ex-wife, the mother, she's their mother, she you know deserves to be in their their life like I deserve to be in their life. Um, I just wanted equal share. That's that's all I was after.

SPEAKER_00 23:07

So all right, so we'll slow it down here. Um family court, cust fighting over custody of the kids. What's some of the hurdles you face here?

SPEAKER_02 23:19

Look, um, as most of your um viewers can relate and yourself, you know, yeah, it's the courts uh the perception for the court's very one-sided. Um the financial the financial aspect's a huge one because you've got to have the money to be able to def you know to to run a claim, to be able to get solicitors involved and things like that. Um it drags out, you know, everything you do there, nothing happens quickly. It takes forever and a day. Um the allegations then when you get when you get there that can be unproven. Um, I mean, at that stage, there was no police involvement, there was nothing at that stage, but you know, allegations kept, you know, not not about me being violent, but certainly about my mental health. My mental health was constantly brought up in the family court system. Um, and what I tried to articulate and explain to the the judge in the family court system was my mental health is deteriorating because I'm not seeing my children. Exactly. Um, that the ongoing conflict with my ex-wife um through the separation, trying to work out, you know, obviously it's I can understand it's a huge life-changing event for both parties, and we're trying to both adapt to the situation. Um also, you know, like the the the kids being used as pawns, um, you know, getting told that um, you know, I don't love my children, um, you know, I don't care for my kids, um, which is all just complete bullshit, you know what I mean? Like, um, they they were my world.

SPEAKER_00 25:00

Because how old were your kids around this time? Maybe nine or something?

SPEAKER_02 25:04

Yeah, so what's um so 2017? Uh the the youngest youngest was s uh say seven. Yep. Um, ten and eleven.

SPEAKER_00 25:14

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02 25:14

Yeah, so eleven, ten, yeah, seven. So so still not not not babies, but not old either. Um, and they certainly, you know, it's true those formative years, you know what I mean? They they wanted all the kids wanted was to see both parents. Um, you know, they kind of didn't get what separation meant and divorce meant and things like that. It was just they wanted to be able to have a a positive relationship with both both parents, and that's all you can ask for. That they're they're they're happy and they're number one. But um things got met things got messy um with the family court system as well once I um I got into a new relationship, which is now we'll refer to that as my my ex, my ex-partner, the one after my ex-wife. Um so I was separated for about 12 months, 11 to 12 months before I I moved, I finally moved on to another relationship.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

I might jump the gun here because this is a common behavior I see, and I'm jumping to the conclusion here. As when you started seeing someone else, is that when she made your life hell seeing the kids? Absolutely. This is a every guess I get on, the same thing.

SPEAKER_02 26:23

It it just it went oh like beyond beyond a joke. Like um, I then got accused that I was having an affair, you know, whilst I was in the relationship in the marriage with my with my ex-wife, with this particular person. Uh it was complete rubbish. It was there was absolutely it was not the case. I was clearly separated um from my ex-wife before I moved on. Um and and as I said, for about 11 to 12 months beforehand. So, but yeah, just I don't know what what it was. I think well, she was looking for for answers and reasons why um that she could blame on me why I left, you know. She couldn't believe or get through her head that I just left because enough was enough. Try to say, oh, well, if a bloke's gonna go, there's gotta be he's he's not gonna leave a relationship unless there's someone else on the scene, which is ridiculous. So I just enough isn't I couldn't take it anymore. Fizzled out. Completely did.

SPEAKER_00 27:19

Um how did so how did you meet your your your your ex-partner uh after your wife? So your your next partner, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 27:30

So that was through work, so through my work at the time, and um she had or was also going through um a separation with her, her um husb ex-husband, yeah, uh at that at that stage.

SPEAKER_00 27:44

So I guess Is this do you feel your b uh trauma bonding or confided, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:50

Confided. That's what we were doing, that's exactly what I believe how um things obviously we were working together. Um I think she'd only been there for a couple of years uh in the department at that stage. Um and yeah, you know, I I guess um working within my team and and things like that. And so kind of I got to know her a lot better and um yeah, we we we were bouncing off things with each other and probably like we said, confiding. Um, and then yeah, it just obviously things kicked off one thing, went to another, and you know, for my point, uh, it was a bad move. Um I wish I could turn back the clock, I guess, in so many areas, but certainly in in in that regard, that uh you know hindsight's a lovely thing, and it was never a good thing getting into a relationship with someone I work with. Um because as we'll talk about, you know, moving forward, it uh it created a lot of animosity and a lot of dramas, especially when that relationship breaks down.

SPEAKER_00 28:54

Um, so how long did the family court still go on for whilst you're with your next partner? Five years. Five years.

SPEAKER_02 29:04

Oh shit 2017, it's uh it it didn't finish until 2022.

SPEAKER_00 29:08

I mean, I I'll take my hat off to you. I lasted three years and I was broken. Yep. Three years gone, tapped mentally drained, physically drawn, gone. Broken.

SPEAKER_02 29:17

Yeah, it's um it's it's as you know, you've you've lived it as well, Jared. Um it's uh it's a horrendous system and and the costs involved. I mean, I've spent in legal, total legal bills, you know, uh with the family court, and we'll get to the criminal side of it, uh, in due course will be a quarter of a million dollars. Best part of it. Uh so near nearly nearly 250,000, I reckon I've spent.

SPEAKER_00 29:43

And um, you know, for those that have been through it will understand what I'm about to say. Those who may be about to go through it, like I've got a mate fold. Um, 2019, it's 2026, still going. Like, what does that tell you about the system? Like, it you know what I mean? It's it it's not a system, but when when he when he updates me, like, oh, I get the shivers because it just reminds me the the constant legal correspondence, the affidavits, the emails, the uh go do another cause, and you're just like, oh, like, as um, you know, even though my journey's over, like, I just that revolving door of just never ending, it just taxes you.

SPEAKER_02 30:22

It it does. It does. And and you know, um look being a male, we're we're just we're just behind the eight ball to start with. You know, we just honestly, um, you know, we're we're we're you and I and and and many of your your followers and that we've all lived it. And um it's just they they try to say it's an impartial and you know, system and fair system and that it's it's not it's completely broken, um, it's completely one-sided, and you know, everyone that I've spoken to, any, any of my friends and and that that have been through it, um, everyone says the same thing. No one has positive thing to say about it saying that they got a fair outcome. Um, everyone said that it's gone the other side every every single time, and you know, why I keep saying um, because I'm a massive advocate for mental health, for men's mental health, and I have been for many years because of my own, particularly with my own battles and that. And um, you know, you've only got to look at, and I'm sure you certainly know, the the the high suicide rates that we have in this country, um, particularly for males. Um, you know, it's it's just outrageous.

SPEAKER_00 31:33

Um Yeah, if if anyone's watching now, if you don't know who Senator Toron Witten is, he's uh Senator in Western Australia for One Nation Party, but uh I've been in touch with him. If if you don't know, he's the one that asks uh Penny Wong, you know, if there's an office for women in this country or an office for men. But he is a he he is, in my opinion, a true leader for this country. He's a big advocate for for males, for father's rights, and uh if anyone's watching, you definitely got to get behind him. But um yeah, being June, as we are now, men's men's mental health month, it's um it's you know, I don't try and create a gender divide on my podcast, but you know, when it comes to to male suicide rates, it definitely gets it doesn't get as much publicity and get swept under the carpet, you know, um compared to to female. So um, but sorry, mate, you carry on.

SPEAKER_02 32:23

Yeah, it's uh it's it's just yeah, there's not the same amount of services. No, that's right. You're right, you hit the nail on the head there. Um and and look, it's hard for males, but I think we're just because we've got, you know, you as a bloke, you're not supposed to cry and get emotional and and you know, look weak, you know, it's that stigma that's um I I I know myself, I try and break down um to anyone that I speak with, you know, in terms of it ain't weak to speak, you know. Uh at the end of the day, um, I'm always there, you know, whether a phone call or a message or whatever away from from any of my mates or anyone in general, um that just to be uh, you know, and you to listen to, or you know, um, because having a conversation with someone I know myself, I've been able to, when I've gone through the most horrendous times, you know, sometimes where I've been able to just kind of empty the bucket, so to speak, and um talk to to talk to somebody, it has helped.

SPEAKER_00 33:21

Yeah, you know, absolutely. So um so when your family court ended, were you still with your second partner at the time, or did your second partner did that collapse by the time your your your family court had finished with your first partner? Collapsed, collapsed within within it, yeah, yeah. So the relationship So you're you're sorry, KF, you're juggling two. Two while you're still yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:45

I was juggling two, so all all my so my three children obviously are with my first my ex-wife. Yep. Um, no children with the ex. Yep, and no children with the current.

SPEAKER_00 33:55

So just yeah, so did you have to go to court for anything with your with your your ex, your second partner?

SPEAKER_02 34:01

Not family court.

SPEAKER_00 34:02

Not family court, okay. Um well I'll let you uh carry on your journey if if you want to keep going on family court with your first one or dive into your your ex-partner.

SPEAKER_02 34:11

So yeah, so through the the family court system, obviously, as we as we spoke, it went all the way through and um it was just you know backwards and forwards and and like you said, you know, uh affidavit after affidavit, trying to do this and going through counselling and you know they want you to do all these courses and programs.

SPEAKER_00 34:28

Did did did you ever go to trial and get it and have it adjourned? Uh as in not not by your request, by the because the judge or the ICL wanted it adjourned?

SPEAKER_02 34:36

100% 100%. There was adjourned and adjourned and adjourned, and yet, you know, and you still have to pay. Still have to pay. You'll you'll love this one, is that um there was one one occasion we turned up to court and my solicitor at the time said, look, you know, um, convince me um and and obviously in their best interest, I can understand, you know, I'm not criticising um my team at that stage because they they thought it was in my best interest to do so. They convinced me to get a uh senior counsel barrister involved on a particular hearing that we had listed. And um I thought to myself, oh, do I, don't I? You know, because I knew the cost involved, it was $10,000, right? To have her uh the senior counsel for whether she's in there for five minutes or whether she's in there for the eight hours, right? So I thought, you know what, it's only money at the end of the day. I've got to give everything I can to try and get access to my children. Uh um, and you know, money's nothing at the end of the day if you don't have your kids, yeah. So I bit the bullet, spent the 10,000. Um, and she was in there, it was an AVL uh via phone, sorry, um, at the time, and would have been in there for 10 minutes. Um, eventually the matter ended up getting adjourned anyway. Did they say why? Uh, the other side weren't ready.

SPEAKER_00 35:57

Okay, this is what I hate. The whole point, and correct me if I'm wrong, but we I went we went to a pre-readiness trial. And my understanding is the whole point you go to a pre-readiness trial is to make sure is this party all good? Are you all good? You've crossed your T's dot your I's because I'm not going to give you a trial date unless everyone's good. And they go, Yeah, we're all good. So we get the trial date, and then we rock up there, and then the ICL will be like, Oh no, I want to I want I want another report. It's like, hold on a sec. What's up? We we just had the pre-readiness trial. The judges asked everyone if we're good to go. Then you have the audacity to actually get the trial date and tell me, no, we're gonna adjourn it. Oh, fuck you. Exactly. We rocked up, ready to go. Even my ex, she was like, No, we're good to go. It's the ICL. I was like, hold on, so I still have to pay. I've taken time off work. All my witnesses and family, they've taken time off work. I've still have to pay my legal team because you wanted to adjourn something and you only brought up on the day. It's it's it's it's it's robbery.

SPEAKER_02 36:58

Absolutely. And and look, we were trying. I was lucky in that respect that it never went to a trial. Um, we were trying uh the whole thing I wanted to do was just get consent orders, you know. But but even that, that was backwards and forwards and backwards and forwards because we could not come to an agreement. Um, and eventually, as it does with most people, money dries up and you've just got to you've got to roll over and you've got to take what you can get. And that's what it did to me. I just enough was enough. Um, you know, by the time that things had finally um come to a head and and finalised, my children were a lot older anyway. You know what I mean? So they were making their own decisions. So um I'd gone through all the the criminal court, which we which we're gonna get to, and and you know, the the expenses involved in that and my head, I just couldn't take any more. I was at rock bottom. The the the children were just significantly affected, and I just thought of myself, you know, I'll take what I can get now. You know, what what what do you do?

SPEAKER_00 38:00

What did your ex-wife do for work?

SPEAKER_02 38:04

Worked in a bank.

SPEAKER_00 38:05

Worked in a bank? Okay. Um and then your your ex that you met after your wife, or did you worked in corrective services. Oh, yeah, okay, that's right, you said you worked in your um okay. Um so some drama obviously happens with with your ex. Um what what uh happened to you?

SPEAKER_02 38:30

So that relationship, um as as I said, when we we started to see each other um around about November about a year after you've got November 2017, um having separated from the ex-wife in December 2016. So look, when we commenced that relationship, um it was already tarnished in the fact that the ex-wife was just hellbent on making our life a little my life a live in hell, which then eventually brought the new partner into it at that stage. So I'll give you an example. So the course she obviously knew who I was with at that stage, so she brought our which I I cannot believe that she did this, but she she knew where one of my work colleagues had lived, which was close to near where we were residing. And not they weren't friends or anything like that. This was a female uh staff member who I was working with, and um, so she one particular day she went around to this person's this this lady's house. Um and for whatever reason, well I know what the reason is now, but at that stage wanted to bring my marital issues and marital separation stuff into the workplace, but making allegations that I was having an affair with um when you party. But this was so she did that in about April also of 2020 seventeen, right? Way before I was even with this person, right? It was just because again, we were talking a lot because we were confiding in each other. Remember, we were both going through separations, you know, we weren't together per se. It was it was just an amicable work relationship, you know what I mean? Like it was just two people getting getting on really well, and um she couldn't buy it, didn't believe it. So, you know, at the end of the day, in say April 2017, she's at some date she's gone over to this uh staff member's place and told them whatever she's told them. And next minute this staff member's come back who's got a who had a bloody big mouth, and just you know what, when rumors run through workplaces, it just went troppo. So it caused a lot of disharmony, a lot of fractions in the workplace for both myself and and my now ex-partner. Um and look, to be honest, I I remember we weren't even going to get into a relationship when we eventually did in say November 2017 because of everything that had already been portrayed in the place, you know. Um it was, I guess you can't help your feelings for one another, and and that's how obviously it it they they grew toward each other, and we eventually did get in a relationship, but yeah, it it nearly didn't even happen um because of the turmoil that had already kicked off. So that caused enormous drama in the workplace uh for both of us, for both you know, my now ex-partner and myself. Um so I think things were over. When again in hindsight, Jared, I think things were over and and tarnished before it even began when you when you look back because of you know toxicity and um that was started. And it was this was about relations, you know. I'll give you an example. So she would she's gone to this person, this staff member's this staff member's place and said, allegedly having an affair with this work colleague, right? Couldn't provide any evidence where wasn't happening, just was not happening, you know what I mean? It was it was just the fact that again she could not accept that I had had enough, right? What I can't understand, and still to this day, is that she wanted to leave me a number of times towards the back end of that relationship and that back end of the eight and a half years we were together, and she eventually stayed, as I said, for the earlier, you know, for the sake of the children too. Um, likewise I did. And so she knew it wasn't happy, it wasn't, you know, it wasn't tenable anymore. You know what I mean? But you reckon she still loved you? Is that why she did it, you reckon? Oh, absolutely, yeah, no doubt about that. And um, you know, I was at the look, I've always, I guess, earned reasonable good money. Yeah, um, I was the main breadwinner. Obviously, she she wasn't, she didn't have to work at that stage. We'll we'll, I mean, certainly, you know, um weren't rich by any stretch of the imagination, but comfortable, comfortable, we could get by, you know. So she didn't have to work and I was the breadwinner and providing, you know, for the family and you know, could cover the expenses. We were lucky enough that she could stay home the bulk of the time when the children were younger, so they didn't have to go to childcare that much. They still went to go, you know, mingle with children and things like that, but they didn't have to go per se, you know. Um, so yeah, so I guess a big thing that I saw is the back end of that relationship that she was very sour as well because she had to go back to work. Um, from a financial point of view, she had to go back full-time because she couldn't afford to pay the rent and so on like that on her own, despite me paying her child support and also um giving her cash on top of that. You know, I would I would I did that because I wanted to make sure that her neither her or the children were were disadvantaged.

SPEAKER_00 43:55

Do you think she got comfortable and com what's complacent then that having that Freedom or lifestyle, then having to go back to work was kind of like uh Yeah, it was.

SPEAKER_02 44:05

And there's no doubt because it puts a lot more stress on and she's got to manage, you know, she's managing the children, managing the day-to-day work commitments, you know, um the added expenses that come involved and things like that, because no longer you could just rely on me. So it it went sour. Uh, as I said, there's so many things that sent that off. Um, none more than the fact but when eventually I did go into a new relationship. So that, you know, from from the time that she made all these allegations and that that um that had no proof whatsoever behind it that were unfounded about um me allegedly having an affair to the point where eventually, you know, another six, seven months down the track of I get into a new relationship, she's just gone troppo and gone berserk. It was like a switch flicked, it just set her off at a rate of knots.

SPEAKER_00 44:56

This is a common behavior I see and hear when I get a a lot of guests on. Um, yeah, interesting. I wonder what the psychology behind it is, whether the partner still loves you, whether the X still loves you and's trying to, you know, make your life hell, be spiteful. That way, I'm not too sure. I don't know if the answer.

SPEAKER_02 45:13

Yeah, look, she I I have no doubt that she obviously still has strong feelings for me, and um you know, it was it was like, well, hang on, I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you as well. You know, that's kind of the the controlling in a way, really. It is, it is controlling, it is, and um, you know, as as you mentioned before, you know, um that the rely, I guess the reliance and complacency about me being the one that's working and you know, um the provider, and all of a sudden that that's gone to a large degree, even though you're still supporting from a child support perspective, and and um as I said, I paid additional money on top, like I can't remember what I owed her at that stage, but whatever it was, I was paying substantially more on top of that. Um and all I said is um, you know, look, just don't cause me any grief. Um I just wanted to be able to have an amicable situation with her. Um, I wanted to be a proactive and an active father for the three children. Um but I'll I'll I'll tell you this, this is this is this is something that uh really set the tone, Jared, in terms of um it's it's stamped in my head and stamped in my memory, it'll never go away. She said something to me uh the the day I the day I moved out of the family home. And it was stuck with you since. And I'll quote it. It said, she said, you look me in the eyes, and she said, You make no mistake with what I'm about to say. The day you walk out this fucking house, I'm gonna make your life a living fucking hell. You better remember that. And I tell ya, there's never been a truer word said than when she said that. I thought, oh, you know, a lot of hot air, a lot of lip service and whatever, you know, it's all okay. Correct, in the heat of the moment, emotions are high, um, hot air, you know, like we all say things, um, you know, heat of the moment with things that we might regret down the track or what have you. I certainly have many, many times. But um, I just thought, oh, well, you know, she's just angry and upset. Fair enough, you know. Nope. Spot on. Absolutely spot on with what she said. Never, never, ever truer word said, you know, and um the sad part is too, is that, you know, you look back, and I'm sure you'll relate to this too. Um, and a lot of the viewers, is that she was also guided by a lot of her friends that have also gone through toxic or so, you know, separations. And one of them in particular had had had that many previous relationships that I was aware of that was that she was my ex-wife was quite close to, that was so-called giving her guidance. I thought, yeah, well, how's that going to end? Right? You know, look at your form, you know what I mean? Um, you're probably the last person that, you know, but again, that's her friends, and you know, I I I I can't tell her what to do, and you know, you'll find out the hard way. But um, unfortunately, I was having to live it because she was rolling her up and poisoning her and feel feel feeding her with all this bullshit and crap and um myself and my children and having to continue to go through it, you know. And um, but after the separation, so when we were separated, um, that's when things really escalated, um, both you know, verbally and from a physical physical perspective. So one particular day in um, so it was after when she was trying to accuse me of having this affair, I I remember a day I had my oldest son, um, so let's let's just assume he's it was around about 11 years age. Yep. Um, went out, we went and um, I think I I had to go to, you know, get a computer or something like that. So I came back, he came out with me anyway, and went shopping, came back and dropped him home. And uh I pulled up and I remember seeing my ex-wife and one of her very close friends, they were they were standing um in the front yard, and um my daughter was was playing with her friends, and my my middle son was playing with uh he had some of his mates in the garage because the garage door was open. Yep. So anyhow, I pulled up to drop my son back home, and she's kind of come over to the car and give me instructions like like this pointing down to wind the window down. So I wind the window down and her friend standing close to her, and she's absolutely unleashed on me, right? Just called me everything under the sun, you know, I'm fucking this, I'm fucking that, and whatever else. And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, she starts punching me in the head about five five or six times. My son is still sitting in the passenger seat. What is cynical, right? Punching me. I've got my seatbelt on it, just absolutely laying into me five or six times, right? Punching me in the head. So I said to my son, you know, you better get out, you know, inside. Um, you know, I just wanted to um, yeah, I don't know. I I just wanted to get out of there. Like I was just the emotion was just her, you know, yeah, it was overwhelming. So um, as I said, she was just calling me every under son again, trying to accuse me, you know, of having an affair with her or something. I said, I don't know what you're talking about, right? I don't know where you're going on about. And at that stage, her friend that was standing next to us smirking, you know, at this smirk on her face. So once my son got out, uh, the car, I've taken off. I got around the corner and I remember getting around the corner, and I remember just absolutely breaking down in tears. I was just beside myself thinking, what the hell just happened? Like, I've got my son sitting in the car. Witnessed it all. I've just got assaulted, right? I didn't retaliate at all, at all. Not once. Yep. I just said cry. I tried to block, just tried to block myself from getting hit. And um, you know, she was yelling at screaming at me. So all the children had heard, my three children obviously heard it. Their friends that were at the house heard it because this was, as I said, they were in this happened on the front lawn. I'm in the car in the street, they're in the driveway or the garage, so they clearly can hear it. And um, she just didn't care, you know. So um, yeah, I remember, you know, Jesus getting around the corner and breaking down. And what do I do? What do I do now? Do I go to the police? Do I go and report it? Do I mean things are already quite, you know, it's in turmoil. Is this gonna make it worse? So I rang up and spoke to my uncle at that stage, who is very high up in the police. Yep. And um kind of reading past what happened, and he said, Look, he goes, but you know, you can you can go and report it by all means. But, you know, do you really want to go down that path? It may add fuel to the fire where things are currently at. Um, because he they they knew my family knew how toxic this this separation was, you know, and um he said, Look, I'm gonna leave it with you. Uh if you want my opinion, I wouldn't, but I'll leave it with you. And I thought to myself, he's probably right, you know. I mean, if I if I go and and I do it and they and if if a big if if they charge her uh for assault, um, you know, and we get dragged through, then what's this gonna do? Family court touring underway, it's yeah, you know what I mean? I just dragging the kids in. So I just said to myself, I just cop it. You know, mistake number one, I guess, you know, at that stage.

SPEAKER_00 53:01

Uncharted waters for you. I haven't been in that situation before. Until later on, you'd find out, oh geez.

SPEAKER_02 53:07

Exactly right. So, you know, um that that that was yeah, but things just started to spiral from that point onwards, spiraled out of control uh at a rate of knots, you know. Um it became worse and worse and worse, you know, she'd come around my house and when I moved out and she'd put scenes onto the house, the ex-wife. Um yeah, it was it was it was toxic, you know. There's times there. Um well, I guess if we moved through, so when we move into where I got into the new relationship, you know. Um after spending uh a while together, we eventually moved in. The the new the new partner and I and um the ex-wife would come around and lose it, lose it at the door, you know, put on a scene in like my my ex-partner had three children from her previous relationship. Three boys from her previous relationship and they had to witness the ex-wife just absolutely carrying on like a banshee, you know what I mean, in in the the front door and things like that, and um it was horrendous, you know. I'd I'd go, Jared, I'd go to football training um because our our th my three children very active and and and play sports and um you know whilst down at the footy ground um my ex-wife would put on the biggest scene, she would yell and abuse me and scream at me and call me again, call me everything under the sun in the presence of you know other parents and other children. Um one one day she attempted to to run me over in her vehicle. Um she, you know, with with the children, mind you, with the children, our children in the car, you know, um, took off accelerated, saw mean accelerated at a rate of knots, and because it was gravelled surface, the wheels were spinning and gravel flying out the back. And you know, um, look, there was there was just drama after drama. She came around our house, tried to kick the door, or did kick the door in, you know, not not physically in, but like kick the door. Um, it just it was on and on and on. Like it just got bombarded with um with you know messages on the phones. And like because of the toxicity, this is coming back to the family court scenario, is that we had to there was an agreement there because we obviously couldn't communicate because hostilities were so high, we had to have this diary, right? So I used to call it, I nicknamed it the Book of Evil, right? So we had this diary in place, and it would come from so when the kids went home with her, she was supposed the reason why this was done is so she could write um things in there, you know, in terms of directly supposed to be related to the children. So, you know, if the kids had an event on, if I could attend or if I need if I could pick them up or whatever it was supposed to be directly, yeah. She used this as a venting exercise. So paragraph after paragraph, um, there was just a spray. I was absolutely sprayed from pillar to post. So she wasn't using it as it was supposed to be used for, right? And these poor children had to convey this diary. One of them had to put it in their school bag, um, take it to school with them because I pick them up after school when I had them. Um, and then I was to read that and then I was to reply. Most of the time I wouldn't reply because I was I would only reply to stuff that was directly by the kids because I'm not responding to getting sprayed on, right? I kept all the evidence of it. I had photos of them all, right? And um, so I thought, okay, when we go back to the family court, I shouldn't. Nothing. Doesn't matter. Oh, it's emotional, you know. But there's it's threats in there, like there's threats. So, you know, like you've got to be joking me. Like, what more do you need? It's it's like the kids got to the stage where they would fight amongst themselves about who's taken the book because they didn't want to take it. That's how traumatized they were. They knew that um whatever's in there is not 99% of the time not going to be good, you know, and not it wasn't designed for purpose because we could not communicate. The ex-wife and I could not communicate, you know. But but Jared, there was it took 12, 11, so there was 11 police events made by myself, right? Abo incident after incident. So the incident where she came around to our house kicking door, and incident where, you know, tried to run me over in the car, all the threats and abuses at the football grounds, um, you know, the threats on the phone, the you know, everything. It just there was about oh, she threw um items at my car, you know what I mean, that were captured on CCTV out the front of say Hungry Jacks and things like that. You know, majority of the time it was done in the presence of our three children. So the three children have witnessed the behavior that's displayed by their mother, right? So 11 police reports are made, which they call them events, right? Documented. Now, I did that because I wanted it to cover myself. I was I wasn't physically scared of her, right? Yeah. From a physical perspective. I was emotionally concerned, right? And I'm concerned, I was concerned for my partner at the time, you know, which was the new partner. Yeah. And I was concerned for, you know, what shit, if this keeps going south, you know, I I need something to protect me as well, because if if eventually I lose my shit, which I was trying at every avenue not to do, I want backup. You know what I mean? Only on the 12th event, finally, I got I got an AVO. No, no, so but with the 11 events prior to that that was Haying, they would contact her, they would either go to her house, they would ring her, whatever, and they would say to her, is this going on? Blah blah blah. And they warned her, right? So they warned her. So the 11 occasions they warned her, but no 11 too many. 11 too many. Only on the 12th occasion they finally took an AVO out. And type two, no contact AVO. So it goes through the court system, we get to court. Uh initially the police wanted to take it out for a standard two-year period. She said, no, no way. I'll I'll only gonna accept it for if I'm gonna accept it, I'm gonna accept it for six months. Six months. No, I'm only gonna accept it for six months. So without it going to a to a hearing, uh, finally between um the police and her solicitor, they agreed to 12 months, right? So she said 12 months, okay, I'll wear I'll wear it. This was in September 2018, because it expired in September 2019. So um it was a 12-month type 2 no contact ADVO. I was the pin-up person who needed protection. Yep. So despite that in place, on two occasions she breached it. Right. First time she uh was contacting uh so she spoke to me at the football ground, yelling and screaming and carrying on to me. Second time was at another football ground where she was absolutely into me, abusing me because my son was getting limited game time and I should be standing up to the coach and this, and she absolutely unleashed again witnesses present left right and centre. First time the police go around, they warn her. Yep. Second time, um, when she was carrying on and making threats, mind you, as well, towards me, as I said, in the presence of a number of people, they charged her for breach contravening AVO, right? Now, me knowing the system, how I do, because as you know, I spent so long in it, if a male person or anyone for that matter gets charged with a breach of ADVO, you're supposed to be locked up, front court, and you can reapply for bail, and the judge or magistrate make that decision whether you get bail again.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:14

So the first time the police go around and speak to her, they did that, they gave her a warning, told her, right, no, you can't be doing that stuff, you need to be pulling your head in, blah, blah, blah. Second time, when they charge her, eventually, she gets what they call a can, so it's a court attendance notice, right? So, where they issue to her at a house and that she had to front court on a particular day for those charges. She turns up to court, I go to court, and the magistrate gives her a warning and dismisses the matter, right? And I'm just absolutely livid with what's going on, going, I can't believe it. That the prosecution was up there trying to say, look at this history. There's been event after event after event on this case, right? And that's what happens. I just could not make any sense of it. And I was remember, I'm still working in the system at that stage, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:09

Well, I've never heard of that happening to a father, and I'd based on the stories I've told, like I I've only learned this since doing the podcast. I I I can't get over how many people in prison for breach of DV. When I say breach, she'll text you, oh hey, we're up to this weekend. You reply, yes, breach. I'm just thinking, and some these guys are getting locked up. I'm just thinking, you've just replied yes, or or yeah, I'm I'm free this weekend. You've just replied to a message you've breached and you're in prison. I'm just thinking, that is fucking crazy.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:42

Unbelievable. It it is exactly what happens.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:45

Yeah, it's it's it's but then you tell me that, and unfortunately, it doesn't surprise me because she's a female, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:52

I have um look, I uh I had a lot of mates in the police um because of my previous occupation, and I played football with a lot of police over a lot of years, you know what I mean? So I had a very good relationship with a lot of them, and they could not even believe that what had happened happened, and they said, look, if it had been a different LAC to local area command, then it would have been a different story. Whether that was the case or not, who knows? But I couldn't believe it because yeah, you know, I'd seen in my occupation that um from my time with corrections that breach after breach, you know, that you should be getting like locked up, then you've got a front court, and then you've got to, you know, you've got to put your case forward for why you should be released. Do you know what I mean? Didn't happen. So it was like, wow, like yeah, what is it gonna take? You know what I mean? Is is it gonna take for me to be killed or or or what? I don't know, I don't know at that stage. Um so anyhow, moving on from that. So September 2018 comes and goes, and the AV expires.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:01

Well, and then she got free range.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:03

Oh, exactly. And when that free range hit, did things escalate and they escalated at a rate of two, yep. It was like, fuck you, you know, you're like payback, I'm gonna, you know. And you know, again, like she'd she'd been doing it all the way through anyway. But I mean, times of manipulating the kids and saying to the kids, you know, stuff like, you know, uh obviously trying to poison them. Oh, I love my my now ex's kids more than I love my own, you know what I mean, and trying to turn the children against me. But um you to go to your father's this weekend, no, you're not going. Right. So she wouldn't let me have them, right? So there was periods there where so the agreement was I was supposed to have them every second weekend. And on the off week, I would have them for two days during that week. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 1:04:53

So um Wednesday, Thursday, something like that, something like that.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:57

You know, I I think it might have might have been like pick them up on a Tuesday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Tuesday night and then have Wednesday and then go back, yeah. So it was midweek. So I was happy with that. I thought, okay, that's satisfied. You know, kids were happy with that when it happened, right? The sad part is it didn't happen that often. Yeah. And as you know, if they don't comply, those court orders, consent orders aren't worth the paper they're written on. To get a breach, to get a breach in, heard, to get a breach heard, takes forever and a day. More money, you know, like it's just ridiculous. So I kept trying to liaise with her. Um, cool, calm, and collected as I could possibly be. Obviously, the AVA's expired, right? So, look, I want to see my kids. Fuck you. You'll see them when I want you to see them. Alright, here we go. Right. I I just knew this was going down a bad path, right? Mind you, through this entire way uh along this situation, right? My mental health. Has continued to deteriorate, right? So my mental health from the time we separated, right, to where things absolutely blew up, which was in the 5th of December 2019. Okay. It deteriorated at a rate of knots. And I ended up in psych units. I was getting psychological treatment, but because of the ongoing issues with um with her, it wasn't working. I ended up um you know, like attempting uh suicide on multiple occasions. Um as I said, I spent weeks on ending psych units, you know, because I was copying it from both ends. So I with my new with my new partner, right? Things she couldn't deal. Like she had her own dramas with with her ex, but yeah, but she couldn't deal with the fact that the drama that was going on with my ex, you know, and she would constantly I could not make any sense of it, Jarrett, because she constantly said, Fucking, why don't you go back with her if you care for her? I said, What are you talking about? If I wanted to go back with her, I never would have left her. And I've had many of chances to go back if I wanted to try and go back with her and reconcile that relationship, right? For some reason, she was like, as our relationship, I guess, grew with my ex-partner, a lot of traits became known. And, you know, um, for example, like when we first got together, like she wasn't really a smoker. She had a cigarette once in a blue moon because I don't like my personal thing is I don't like be with smokers, right? That's just me personal thing, right? So um she then started to contain contain um cigarettes on a regular basis. She then was drinking excessively, right? So with the ex, we would sit out, because when we're living together, the only real time she had the young children, so the only time we could kind of have adult conversations was out in the back under our pagola area, right? While her children were occupied on the video games or what have you watching TV, right? So so often in our house we would have arguments would just they would increase, right? They they they weren't there at the start, but gradually, surely they increased. Yeah, they were all to do with the ex with my ex-wife, right? Some of it was, well, you know, your ex has fucked up our work situation, blah, blah, blah. And look, some of it's valid. She's right, 100%. But I what she I gonna she wasn't uh articulating is that that's affected both of us, and I felt bad, don't get me wrong, I felt horrendously bad for her because it it was our our our work relationship was tarnished massively, you know what I mean, with what's gone on. So, and that was a safe space before, and then it wasn't, it was a place that I actually enjoyed going to, and then I didn't, yeah, right. So the ex- partner had a lot of hatred towards obviously my ex-wife, and then that hatred shifted towards me, right? Um, because obviously I was, I guess I was in pre well, was previously in a relationship with my ex-wife, and my ex-wife's now come in and ruined her employment, blah blah blah, which happened 100%. Yeah, she ruined mine as well. Right. So we're both in this. So I was trying to show empathy, compassion, and all those type of things because I could understand where she was going from. But yeah, one thing led to another, and our our relationship began to diminish. But a concerning part, Jared, was that each time we sat out the back and we had a conversation in this on this um in our Pagola area, was that she would drink and drink and drink, and she would get to the point where she'd get intoxicated and she'd unleash on me. Like that, you know, they get that uh extra strength, and she would just unleash on me, you know, and just fire whatever she wants without thinking, you know. So there was a lot of hurtful stuff spoken, a lot of threats made, um, and it just completely disinted the relationship, you know what I mean? Yeah, so um obviously with the um with the ex-partner, so you know, as I was saying, but um we to have conversations, we're at the back in the Pagola area and things like that. And um, when we when we did so, um, you know, nearly on all occasions she'd be out there and doing drinking and so on. And um, you know, I I wasn't a big I've never been a big drinker myself, um, but obviously I was out there with her, and you know, we I don't get me wrong, I'd consume a couple as well. Um, but my ex would get to the point where she was heavily intoxicated uh on a regular basis, and um it just caused argument after argument after argument, you know, let alone the financial impact that we were doing, because obviously we had a joint account too, and you know, so uh for the financial costs involved, but it was yeah, I we we didn't have the same drama when she wasn't drinking as what we did when she was. Do you know what I mean? So um, and yeah, as as the relationship, I guess that as that relationship deteriorated, um it just became more and more volatile in the sense that you know, verbally and you know, there was pushing and shoving and carrying on like that in bits and pieces. So um things were just yeah, it was it was just toxic. It was toxic too. So um moving on from that, um very sadly uh everything came to a head. Um sorry, I'll I'll come back from that. So we ended up deciding that in best interest that we kind of uh would still be together, but we'd move out. So she moved out with her children, um, ex-partner, and I moved um closer to work because uh what I probably didn't mention earlier is that because of the uh the fractions that were brought into the workplace, um I ended up uh getting relocated to another workload, to another work location.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:37

So um where I was living, it was a decent commute. So I ended up once we decided that okay, we'll look we'll we'll we'll still be together, but we'll kind of move out separately, um, maybe to let the dust settle, is um I moved yeah, closer to where I was gonna work, you know. So anyhow, um things continued, we gave it a shot and um continued to um to to stay together, but it just yeah, it was I I guess where both our heads were um in the scenario the damage was done. Look, um she was also dealing with um her ex husband who well yeah he actually committed suicide. Oh shit. He actually committed suicide um about seven months maybe after we got together. Shit um as well. So she was dealing with the fallout of that and then the fallout with a lot with the children. Oh, it was look, the whole thing was a mess. A lot of moving parts, a lot of moving parts. It was uh it was it was it's just horrendous. And and and look, in fairness, what we didn't need, it was already bad enough. Like she obviously already had her issues with her ex-husband, I already had my issues with the the ex-wife, but once that crossed over it it just the the waters were too muddy, and despite how strong we both tried to be and we tried to manage it and bottle it, it just it just you know continued to do sets back 100% and um it was it was bad, bad situation. Look, she I d I don't know. I she was hell bent on wanting me to somehow fix the situation with it with my ex-wife, as in what can I fucking stop her from doing how how am I gonna stop her from doing what she's doing? I can't I can't control her. The police can't even send a controller and stop her. You know what I mean? Like, she's just running uh rabbit the way she is, you know. It's just I there's no there's no way in the world um that I could stop it. So yeah, I mean our our relationship and and again to Jared, you know, other other friends and you know a family get involved and and things like that. And um it just when more people stick their finger in the pie, it just derailed very quickly. So um, as I said, I I moved out um and I was trying to to get my head uh in a better position. She was trying to get her head in a better position and so on, and we saw each other all the time. Um and uh I I guess leading leading into December, uh the 5th of December uh 2019, um I hadn't seen my children for about six weeks. Um my ex-wife was hell bent to contain them. My son's behaviour, my my middle son's behaviour at school had deteriorated. Um he was finding himself getting in a bit of trouble. Um because, you know, they hadn't been seen, like they they were sensing that the the issues that were going on between obviously the ex-wife and I and myself were having huge impact, as they would, on the children. Do you know what I mean? So they were obviously, you know, he was getting to arguments, he was getting to fights at school, she was getting contacted because she was the primary carer, she was getting contact from the school about the children. Well, guess who got the blame for the kids' behaviour? I did. So she would either message me or ring me up and absolutely unloaded me, you know. Um my son's been suspended, you know, gonna get suspended from school, been in a fight, done this, talking to people inappropriately, it's all because of you, it's all because of the way you speak to me. Oh, hang on, hold on a second here, right? No, you know, you're not seeing them, you're bad influence on the kids. Bad influence? I've not even seen them. Right. How kind of bad influence? You're not letting me see them. So I I just as I said, like, I just tried to be as amicable as I possibly could be, and tried to be the best person, the best father I could be. I was also battling um enormous mental health issues at that stage, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:17:08

I'll pause you there real quick. Um, you know, I work at uh I didn't care if it was I work at Golco Union Hospital anyway. I um during my time when I was going through family court, sometimes in our roles and responsibilities we have to uh go into PICU, which stands for you know psychiatric intensive care, you know. And um I'll never judge the patients for being in there because I used to sit there thinking, I could I could end up in here, you know, when you're having seen your kids, you're staring at this in every night, you know, you never know someone's story, you know. And um there's times where I I used to think there's even so I think, how am I still here? You know? And I think my dog, I think there's every time I walk past that unit, I'm thinking, man, there I could have been in here one time, you know. So yeah, sorry.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:53

Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. It's uh so yeah, it's um it was it was bad, you know, like and and and leading like I I I was in a hell of a headspace um around that time. Uh as I said, because of the relationship issues um between my ex-wife um and my ex-partner, I'd already spent considerable time in private mental health facilities. Um, and when I say considerable time, at least a month. I think I've been in there twice for two weeks at a time. So I'd spent a month in there to try and get myself better, and that was in um 2018 and say say start around about the start of 2018 or so, and it was about 12 months later, start of 2019 or thereabouts, you know what I mean? So I wasn't in a good way. Um, and I was trying to, you know, because I knew I had to be good for myself and I wanted to be there for the children, yeah, because I could see, I could sense the way this was going down. Like I was on myself, I was going, I was having bad thoughts, bad headspace. Um, I was abusing my prescription medication that I was on. Um, you know, my antidepressants and you know, like your Valiums and Tamasopams and all sleeping tablets and everything else. So I was popping them like tic-tacks, you know. Um it just it became my way of to cope, you know. Temporary band-aid. Yeah, yeah. So I I I never used illicit drugs. Um, it was prescribed medication was my was my problem. It was my um, you know, my coping mechanism, I guess you could say, because to try and numb that pain, you know. Um, but uh in hindsight, I was only making it worse because by doing that, it um, as we're about to get to when I discussed the incidents that took place, is that it inhibited and affected my ability to think rationally. Yeah, yeah, you know, so um it wasn't good. So as I said, so I spent some time in those um private facilities. So getting closer towards um December uh 2019, um having experienced obviously, I was still copying the ongoing relationship uh separation issues with the ex-wife. I was battling the because my ex-wife was just relentless. I was going through um, you know, a very uncomfortable situation where we were at with the with the with the ex-partner at that stage, you know. Uh, as I said, you know, she was battling her stuff as well, I was battling mine, and we're battling our stuff together that we were trying to work through. It was um, you know, as I said, her alcohol, I mean, how I would describe it was an alcoholic because she relied on having to drink alcohol. She was certainly functioning because she could work and she would turn up to work, but she would certainly drink large portions, and when I mean large portions, she could go through two bottles of wine in a sitting out the backyard. She could go through one bottle of wine and you know, half a dozen to a dozen beers.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:00

Was she always like that?

SPEAKER_02 1:21:02

No, that's the thing. No, she wasn't, because I would not have I wouldn't have been there. Yeah, right. That's what I'm saying is that she wasn't like that at the start.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:10

It escalated to that that that that was her band-aid, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:14

Yeah, that's that's how I look at it exactly. It was her band, so it was her coping mechanism um to deal with that. And and we all know that you know, you get yourself in that state, it affects your ability to think and process and whatever else. So she's saying probably stuff that you know she didn't really want to say, or I'm assuming you know, she regret and whatever, but like any when things are said and done, some you can't take it back, you know, and it's quite hurtful and spiteful. And don't get me wrong, I I I I'm sure I've said some horrendous things as well. So I'm far from innocent as well, you know, uh, from this situation. And um it was it was bad, it was bad. So I uh I could see where that relationship was going. It was going to a point where that was going to end. And um, I as much as you know, in hindsight, I look back now and you know, there was a lot of red flags at the start where I probably shouldn't have even got into that relationship, but I did. Um we've it was comfort.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:10

We felt do you think that might have been a band-aid too, the second relationship you're there with the ex-partner? Look, it probably I know that sounds rude and mean, but you know, maybe you know, you're looking for comfort. Yeah, you know. Yeah. While you could deal in before the family court drama.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:26

Possibly, you know, and possibly it was um at that stage, and possibly it was for her as well, you know. Um I I I I I don't know. Um, but it was w when I've looked back at it and I've had a lot of time to reflect, is that you know, there was a lot of red flags at the start where before we even were in a relationship, just when we were kind of, you know, you know, confiding in each other or maybe feeling each other out and things like that. Do you know what I mean? Like it was um yeah, I I just anyway, you you can't help you who you fought who you fall in love with and and you feel for, so um, for sure I should say. So um, yeah, it you know, that relationship happened. And and you know, don't get me wrong, I had some strong, I had very strong feelings for her, you know, I really did. And um, she articulated to me that she had the same. So, but look, you know, that didn't stop things from from going down the the bad path. So um we were we're all dealing with a lot, you know. As I said, she was dealing with the fallout, you know, the the the suicide of of her ex-husband, having to deal with managing three children on her own, um being a mother of those kids, trying to work in a situation that was completely in turmoil now for both of us, because again, of the fallout that we both went through um as a result of what my ex-wife had brought into the workplace. Yeah, it just cannot be underestimated how much damage that did. It really did for both parties, you know, for both my ex-partner and I. Um, and I think that that was the start of the end, the beginning of the end, once that happened. Um, because yeah, when you know, we we both had that that work, our workplace was our our safe place, our workplace was where we enjoyed going. We we both loved our job. We loved being able to do our job, provide, you know, to the community and do what we did, you know. And um unfortunately that was a that was significantly affected, you know. And um, when you're dealing with personal stuff at home and on the outside of work, then you got your work, personal stuff coming to the workplace and you're doing workplace. There was just no safe space. There was it was in your face 24-7, you know. So we're copping it at work, we're copping it when we go home. That's yeah, okay, there's no nowhere to go. So um uh yeah, leading up to December, um I noticed um because the ex-wife had completely withdrawn the children from me. Um, and as I said to you earlier, that she was blaming me for the children's behaviour at school, um, and everything, and she was copying apparently a lot of grief at home from the kids and because they wanted to see me, we want to see dad, and blah, blah, blah. So I I was still having phone contact with them, but I hadn't seen them for, as I said, leading up to about six weeks. So um, sadly, um, I guess the headspace I was in, uh, Jared, I um was in a bad place. I thought there was, I thought, well, you know, I'm not gonna see the kids. My workplace is toxic. I I I I don't want to be there anymore. That's going down a bad road. My my relationship with my new partner's probably gonna have to end if it already hasn't, if you know what I mean. So I had all these horrendous thoughts going through my head, and um at that stage I wanted to end it. And um so uh I had considered various methods how I do that, and um without going into too gruesome of um uh details uh I attempted to hang myself on uh two occasions and I was found. Uh I was found in time. Um conscious. I don't I don't remember, I just remember waking up in hospital. Um I don't remember after I did what I did um to the next point. I remember waking up in in hospital. Um there was times I woke up in the ICU, there's times I woke up in psychudents um where I can recall of being told by Yeah yeah, because unfortunately, you know, family had found me on one occasion, police had found me on another occasion, um on another occasion I attempted to uh gas myself by putting a hose in the exhaust pipe with the windows up in the car, I fell unconscious at the wheel. I was found by police, the police who knew me, obviously from on a on a personal level, so I can only imagine how traumatizing it would have been for them. Um but again I woke up in ICU um as a relation to that. So there was uh there was a few occasions that I attempted and and I I still have no idea to this day of um how I'm still here. Um because I shouldn't be, you know, on all accounts I shouldn't be. And uh it's it's yeah. I don't mean I know I am, but that's heavy, man.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:28

Do um appreciate you sharing that because I know it's gonna connect to a lot of other files out there. Uh during this I should maybe I should ask certainly, are you uh uh atheist? And like since since since you know, go um trying to take your life, have you have you turned to God at all, maybe or uh not not really.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:48

I've never been a religious person. Yeah, same. I've never been. I've never been I've never been religious. Look, there's there's no doubt. I you know what, uh it might sound strange. Um do you know I'll put it down to I put this down to my mother? Honest. Yeah. I've always said she's my angel, yeah. Up above. Um, and and again, I'm not a religious person at all.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:07

You're spiritual? I'm spiritual. Spiritual, yeah. I'm the same. I'd say spiritual. I feel the universe. If you're here, you're here for a reason. The universe aligns your stars for a reason.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:16

So I'd certainly say spiritual, definitely. Um, and and I looks clearly someone's looking over me. Uh I mean, uh for example, you know, like I was told um so my auntie had found me the first time. Um the second time police had found me on the ground because the branch had snapped a tree. I was unconscious, so I I don't remember. And as I said, the the the other came, the um the uh gas in uh police found me slumped over the wheel that someone from what they tell me because I asked them how a bystander had walked past the vehicle walking their dog and seen that there's this garden hose connected to the they rang the police and the police came and I don't know whether they smashed the window or broke into the lock. I don't know, I don't know how. I don't know. I can't remember how that happened, but they found me and as I said, I next time I woke up I was in hospital.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:12

It's interesting this, um I won't it's interesting this we're having this topic now because recently um you know I've reconnected with my my daughter and the mother of my daughter overseas and haven't spoken to for years, but you know, I um I've taken talking I've spoken a little bit saying that you know I I was struggling myself, similar to you. Uh and I just asked, I said, did you ever think like, you know, if I ever took my life, which I there was times where I thought of, uh, I I didn't go to the attempt of executing it, but would would you have cared? Like deep down, I feel like maybe you that would have made you happy, you know, like because you know, it's you go on toe-to-toe for those years and and you know, she sort of broke down, she said, Of course not, like I'd I'd be heartbroken. I said, It's you know, I guess maybe we're when we're when you're on either side of the fence, you don't really put yourself in that other person's shoes, but sort of sort of where I'm going the story. Did your ex-wife find out about this? And did she was there a caring part there or did she care?

SPEAKER_02 1:30:10

Or was uh they certainly both both found out so the obviously the ex-wife found out and the ex-partner found uh well then ex-partner found out. Um I don't know what I I look I I don't know from a certainly from my perspective, she never checked in or anything like that, and nor did I expect her to. Do you know what I mean? Like the ex-wife or minor. Um I yeah, I I I know what she said behind closed doors to the children. Um, but look, you know, they certainly know that I had gone to those measures. Um I I was I saw no other way out. I I I saw no other way. And and look, you know, as I was saying, Jared, I um, you know, I was uh heavily abusing prescription medication, heavily to to get myself into the state where I was, and I was drink, and at that stage I was drinking on top of it. So, you know, mixing that cocktail of um prescribed medication, like heavy, heavy prescription medication.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:15

If you don't mind me asking, what I used to take Lexapro or antidepressant didn't I was on the same Lexapro, yeah. I was on the same. Did you find trying to come off it was hard? It was hard, yeah. I didn't realise until I was trying to come off how hard it was, and I was doing all this research, and people were like trying to sue the company because they couldn't come off it. You really had to taper down taper, taper, taper. But I must say, like, I'm not it did help me when I was on it, when I go through the times, um, but trying to come off it was hard.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:47

Look, I I um I was on probably so many different types of energy. So LexaPro was the one that I handled I handled best, but I was on so many, you could think like I they the the psychiatrist and psycho uh had tried me on so many different variants of medication. Um and that was LexaPro was the one I tolerated the best, but it still didn't nothing to curb my my my thoughts at that stage, you know. Um and they upped my dose and up my dose and up my dose, and I was on quite a high dose at that stage. The only thing that was working for me was taking large amounts of Valium, and I was I was and and it and it made me like a zombie. Zombie. So you know, you should take, you know, I think the doctor prescribes one to two as required. I could pump 20 of those things. Uh I'm not joking to you. Uh uh there's times, as I said, where I had a box of 50. Right. I had a box of 50, they came in, and the times where I uh did what I did, I'd take that box. Right. Um made me sick and I drink and be vomiting and whatever else. And uh that's the that that's the headspace I was in because I just wanted I wanted to remain numb. It made me numb. So I wanted to remain numb because by being that feeling, it it blocked out um me being so sensitive to what was going around me with the separations, not seeing my children. Not more the feeling, yeah. It did, it did, it did, and um, that's where I got so and I've always been quite fit and healthy and very as I said to you earlier in our our chat, a very um athletic and sporty type of guy. I play football all my life, you know, and um yeah, it just it it it knocked me for six, you know, it became so heavy, everything became the the whole world just became heavy, you know. Um and yeah, you know, I I'm I'm like most people, you you you pay for child support, you're paying for kids that you can't even see, you can't even see. So, anyhow, um things got that bad, and you know, so where it all came, I guess you could say, to a head once and for all, was the 5th of December, 2019. So uh leading into that day, as we've already spoken about, there were those number of suicide attempts. Um, I wasn't seeing my children, but I was copping it day in and day out from my ex-wife. Um, my relationship was on the rocks with my ex-partner. Um, you know, we were we were kind of still seeing each other, but it was certainly strained. Do you know what I mean? Um so anyhow, on this but on a on the particular day in question on the um the 5th of um in December is uh my uh ex-wife had unleashed on me about behavior of my son. Um this was the Thursday, mind you. Um I was due to have them that weekend. I already I already had missed out on them. I had everything planned that week. I was so looking forward to it.

SPEAKER_00 1:34:56

I know that feeling.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:56

So she had unleashed on me, um, you know, said, no, you're not fucking having them, you know, uh the behavior at school, she blame me, blame this. Um, and she we got into a pretty heated argument because what she had done. So when when my mother, so to give it some context, my mother had passed away, right, in in 2017, and she used to treat my mother like absolute shit, right? There was it was just a Pauline the way she treated my mother. My mother, you know, was such a loving person, gentle person, would give the clothes off her back for anybody, right? So all she wanted to care about, she cared about me, she cared about like the her grandkids, you know. So she always did whatever she could to make sure they had a good life, yeah. And my ex-wife saw that as my mother trying to take over, trying to take control of the kids, which she never did, right? Because my ex-wife's mother was the opposite to what mine was, you know what I mean? So um, yeah, anyhow. So when my mother, before my mother passed away, because um she did not get on well with with my ex-part ex-wife, she made a promise to myself and my auntie who were by her bedside, right? Because my my mother died in my hands, Jared, you know, uh in my arms. Um she actually said to me, she goes, I need you to make two promises to me, to both my auntie and myself. And that was that my ex-wife never got a cent of her inheritance because she knew that like my ex-wife knew that the inheritance was going to come to me because I was the only child from that union, and um she never knew where she was buried. Well, she ended up being cremated, but she didn't want her to know because she said there's no reason she needs to come and ever see me. I just wanted to let it go. So coming back to it leading to that day, the same night on the 5th of December 2019, when she unleashed on me about my kids' behaviour, and you know, was telling me you're not gonna have the kids this weekend and whatever else. I also found out through my my son that they had this day off school, and I don't know if it was that day or I don't know if it was that day or it was the day before there was a a pupil free day or something happened, a teacher strike or something happened, and they went to the cemetery. Kids went to cemetery. Usually I wouldn't think twice about it. Well, you know why you go to a cemetery, right? All of a sudden, what would you go and see my I thought, okay, well maybe because that's where our um our firstborn was was cremated there, you know what I mean? Like the stillborn we had. No, no, no, we went and saw nan. We went and saw nan. Oh mum and I. And and all I said, what all of his? All of his, yeah. Now I never, Jared, told her ever, where my mother was buried. So what the kids said when I said to them, how did you find that? Like, how did she find out where she is? Right. Mind you, I was beside myself with this. And I know some people might think that's quite trivial, but it wasn't. To me, it was very important because I'm trying to uphold what my mother's respects were, not mine, right? So they turned around and said that she had got that information out of my my daughter, my young daughter, because she was young, she told her where it is. So, anyhow, she went there. So I was absolutely beside myself because um she was told not to ever there was no need for her to go there, right? So, and also, Jared, what I forgot to tell you before was that when my mother passed away in 2017, right, because this shows some more context into the situation, is that so when the when my mother died, I went around that night because I said to my ex-wife, I'll cut, do you mind if I come around because I want to break the news to the kids? Right, yep, that's fine, you can come around and tell the children. So I went around to the family home and I told the kids this was the 26th of July 2017. I remember that that day, clear as day. And I went around to the children and sitting at the kitchen table, uh, yeah, kitchen dining table, and they knew something was clear, they could see me and they knew they already knew that their grandmother was in hospital because they'd seen her a few days earlier. So once I broke that news to them, they were absolutely bawling their eyes out, right? Balling their eyes out. Likewise, so was I, right? I was just an emotional wreck. And after I can tried to con you know, I told them what was going on and tried to calm the children down and giving them cuddles and saying, look, it's gonna be alright, you know, confide in the kids and what have you. Um and settled them down as best as could be. I was having a conversation with the ex-wife at the kitchen bench. And at that stage, I just said, Well, look, you know, this infighting and arguments going between you and I, it needs to stop. Right. I said, enough's enough. Like Christ, I've now lost my mother. The kids have lost their grand their grandmother, who they were exceptionally close to. We've gone through a lot of crap. I remember this is back in 2017, you know, and this is where things are really heating up. And she's turns around and I s I cannot believe that she said this, Jared. And I said to her, like, come on, obviously what her name was, and I said to her, what's it gonna take? You know, given with all evidence going on, what is it gonna take for every this to stop? Like, enough's enough. She lean over at the kitchen bench and when I just when I thought I couldn't get anywhere, she said to me, You give me a hundred thousand of your mother's inheritance and I'll leave you the fuck alone. And I said, What did you just say? She said, You fucking heard me. I said, Yeah, I did. And I tell ya, how I can say it now, how I didn't launch over that table or that bench at that stage, I'll fucking never know. Right? Because I saw red. But I didn't. Straight away, the kids are right behind me, grabbed my keys, grabbed my wallet, and I got out of there. And again, I got out of there and I just bored my eyes out around the corner. I could not believe that she said that. Why is it that there's some women are just so f money greedy, focus on you know, it just so that's why that's why I say, you know, having this context behind and all these sorts, it leads up to what I was saying getting closer to December. So you can put into context that why it was also because I I you know she was told, I made it clear to her after mum passed, that mum, mum's wishes was that she's not to get anything from her my mum's inheritance, and she's not to know where she is. So she knew from me that that's what my mother had request had asked for. That's it. That's not my request, that's my mother's request. Respect it. We're not together. You don't need to know, you don't need to get any. She still got money out of the inheritance out of it because she got that part of the property settlement when we went through the divorce, because the divorce obviously happened at the start of 2018. So she got something out of it anyway, because my solicitor turned around and said that that money becomes part of the pool, right? So part of our the the breaking up of the assets and the money was that she not only got what we had and and she got most of what we had, and I signed the family car over to her and everything else, where she got a percent, uh she got some of my mother's inheritance.

SPEAKER_00 1:43:08

Do you reckon this is why she dragged family caught out for so long? Well oh wait, no, but your mum, sorry. Because what year did your was your grandmother or your your mum, yeah, 2017. Okay, yeah, I got ya. But the when did the inheritance clear? Not till late later that year. Later that year, okay, okay, I got ya. Oh man, that's yeah, it's like I I can put him on my heart. Like I would never do that to my ex or you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 1:43:41

Yeah, it was it was it was horrendous. So all the that's what I mean, like all these feelings are coming over me. And and when I got to the stage that we were talking about before, so we're getting to the the really bad bit in you know in 2019 is that um all these fe all these thoughts and feelings and emotions come flooding back about what was going on, right? So all of a sudden, we've had a massive argument on the phone, massive argument on the 5th of December. So 5th, yeah, 5th, yeah, 5th of December, 2019. And so remember, wouldn't give me the kids that weekend. I hadn't seen them for six weeks. Um she's blaming me for the kids' behaviour at school. Find out she's gone and completely ignored my mother's request to go to cemetery. I was in an and I was heavily drug affected at the time by prescribed medication that I was popping it the front and center. Um I'd also at that stage I was already off work because I took some sick leave at work because I wasn't coping. Yeah. So I was already on um on sick leave at that stage. So, you know, work knew I was going through a very difficult period in my life. Um, but obviously they didn't know to what degree because I tried to shelter a lot of that, you know, I didn't disclose to them how bad it actually was in terms of my mental health, right? Um, but I was on sick leave. So all of a sudden, you know, I remember the conversation. I was just having bad thoughts again and going, what am I gonna do? And I'd be messaging my my kind of my partner at that stage, which is now the ex, you know, and um we'll we'll said, excuse, come down, come down, have a chat with me. Come, come down to my place, and oh yeah, you know. So anyway, I thought, okay, I'll do that. So I went down, um, went down to her place, and I got down there, and she was already half pissed when I got down there. I walked in and there's half a bottle of wine already drank and things like that. I could already tell she was quite tipsy, you know what I mean? So anyway, she said, What the hell happened? blah blah blah. So we get up and um, you know, like we're having a conversation about what's going on because she she could tell by me on the phone earlier that uh that I was really in a bad way, you know what I mean? So I was down there and um, yeah, as I said, look, I I heavily under medication. So getting down there, we're having a conversation, she's drinking, whatever else. And I said, look, you know, I'll go. I I I was having a couple of beers at that stage. Um, she says to me, look, because I said, I'm gonna go. I said, I'm gonna start, I'm not, I'm gonna start, I'm gonna go. Things are getting quite heated with us here. Um, because it went it went from a conversation about you know, about what's been happening with me to back towards our relationship. You know what I mean? There was kind of the relationship where we currently were at, as well as I was more down there for the fact of what's going on with my kids and not seeing the children that because I was beside myself, right? My mental health space. And she said, No, you're not getting in the car, you've had too much to drink, you can stay here for the night. Said, too much to drink, like three or four beers, whatever I've had over a space of a time. There's no way in the world I had that much, right? She goes, No, no, no, you can stay here. So, um, anyhow, long story short, we just continued to have a chat and whatever else, and all of a sudden I could see how pissed like drunk she was getting, right? So I said to her, no, no, no, no, that's it, enough. So tried to help her inside, you know, as you do, because she was quite unsteady on her feet. So I tried to help her inside and um get her up to bed because she had a bad back. So kind of and she was living in a two-story house. So I tried to get her upstairs, take her over there, and I was gonna just sleep on the lounge, right? So get inside, you know, put the glass on the uh kitchen bench and towards the lounge room. What are you doing? Your room's upstairs, and we're gonna didn't say anything to me. Come on, get you upstairs. Anyway, all of a sudden, turns around and goes off. Bang, just slaps me clean across right, clean across the face, you know what I mean? And um had a massive which I ended up seeing up having a massive handprint quite shouldn't have reacted and kind of fucking don't fucking hit me and kind of just just jabbed out, you know what I mean? And unfortunately, I got her on the bridge of the nose, you know what I mean? That was the end of it. Get out of my fucking house, you fucking dog, you're fucking this and that. Threw me wallet, threw me keys out and while out the front lawn and and told me to fuck off. So, you know, I shouldn't have done what I did. I take responsibility full responsibility for my reaction, right? I shouldn't have done it, and um that was bad. Like it was bad for my part because I have never, ever, till that day, touched a female in my life, ever. And I felt like the lowest piece of shit you could imagine. And um, so I was just mortified with my behaviour that I what I did, you know what I mean? Because I didn't mean it, it was a reaction to being struck. I was, you know, I I don't know what else to say. I was in a hell of a headspace, wasn't thinking rationally, and I just reacted out. Do you know what I mean? So anyway, told me to get out, so I left. Left. And um where again I made a a really, really poor judgment and a really poor error was then after that. I used to always keep um some spare medication in my glove box of my car. If I'd ever stayed out anywhere and I forgot some tablets, I had some, right? Yeah. So stupid me then um gets in my car because I'm absolutely redlining about what's just transpired. Um I'm angry, I'm emotional, I'm I couldn't explain to you. I had all thoughts, you know. Um I just popped whatever I had in. My glove box, which is probably about another dozen um tablets, right? So, anyhow, I'm getting there and I'm livid and what's going on, and where my ex-w wife lived from where my ex-partner lived was probably 10 minutes away. So I don't know what came over me, uh Jared, but it it was said to me, nah, while you're down here, you need to sort out getting those kids because you need those kids, you'll get those kids tomorrow, right? You can't not something say to me, you can't not have them again. You know what I mean? So I thought I'd go over there and try and have a conversation, which in hindsight was never gonna end well. Um, in the headspace. I was I was clearly in, right? Um, and I went over there and knocking on the door and coming, you know, eventually comes out. Who is it? I said it's me. You know, it's Peter. Fuck him, what do you want? F and this, called me everything. I was saying, fuck off your C U N T and this, that, and called me everything, right? She just absolutely unloaded. What are you doing here? Look, I'm here, enough shit's happened. I just want to have my kids tomorrow. That's what I'm here for. I'm here to sort out having my kids, right? No. Hell bent, get the fuck off. No, I'm speaking to you. No, I said, for Christ's sake, will you be an adult about it and talk to me about it? I want to, I want to resolve this issue. I just want my kids tomorrow. Not taking them tonight, right? I wasn't in a state to take them tonight anyway. I was due to have them tomorrow. Just please let me pick them up tomorrow, right? Anyway, so she's yelling at me, abusing me. I said, Can you open the door a bit so I can see you? Like, you know what I mean? For Christ's sake, right? So the smart ass opens the door like about that much, right? Are you serious? You know what I mean? So we're having a conversation, and she's just calling me everything out of the sun. I should have, I know I should have, in hindsight, or one, I shouldn't have gone there in the state I was in, but certainly at that point, I should have gotten the car and fucked off. Yeah, right. Because it was getting heated, very heated, and I didn't. So she's given it to me, I'm giving it back to her, and it's getting heated. So eventually she opens the door as I said, that much, Jared. And I said, Oh Christ, I can you just open the door. I don't want to come in, just I'll talk you at the door, right? Just talk to me so I can see your face instead of being as smart as right. So all of a sudden, I go and I just kind of wanted to push push the door open a little bit more so I could talk to her face, right? Yeah, she's instantly closed the door. My hands jammed in between the door and the frame. The frame. Yeah, so broke, got no knuckle. Broke, broke my hand in the door. Instantly, I I felt this crack straight away, you know, and it was stuck in the door. And she was pushing hard against it, you know what I mean? So there was no way in the world I was gonna get my hand out unless I either pushed it open or she let she let go of the other side, right? Because it was jammed in the door. I was obviously yelled out to her, Mark meant hands in the door, can you open it? No, no, no, it wouldn't. So I've had to shoulder charge the door to get my hand out. As a result of that, with a momentum, I've ended up going through the other. Well, the door swung open and I've ended up inside the house. Then massive dramas, right? So massive dramas have happened, right? And then she hit and kick me, and I've retaliated, and it's fucking shit fucked. Right. So yeah, and then all hell broke loose, you know. I mean, there's you've got broken glass, fucking windows being broken, you know, I've bloody knocked broken broken door, broken door, broken fucking I've I've lost them a shit and broke the mirror of a car, and it's just a shit fight, right? It was just an absolute shit fight. So it's very daisy that kind of stuff because of still to this day, yeah, still to this day, I am all over the shop with what happened. So it's like I remember only bits and pieces of it. Do you know what I mean? So um, yeah, so I was just I don't know, I was just in an absolute rage that night. I was I don't know what came over me, right? Um, and I take full responsibility for my for my actions and behaviour. I was I was appalled, you know. I I still to this day, I um yeah, it's just it was completely out of character for me. And I, you know, um I don't know what else I can say if I was just saying. I earn it and and um, you know, and and yeah, just and just shit just went what got worse and worse and worse. I ended up then I ended up at bloody the um the brother at the ex-brother-in-law's house, you know, on my way home that night, apparently. So I'm driving I don't even know how I got there in the car. I was in the car. I I don't even know how I could manage to drive my vehicle in the state I was in, and I ended up at um the the the front of the ex-brothers place, you know, and when where the cops where the cops got me, um at the front of the ex-brothers place, you know, um, which was 45 minute drive away. Yeah, 45-minute drive away, because that was close to where I was living. Like I was living probably 15 minutes from there, you know. So I yeah, I don't know. It's just it's a big blur, yeah. Like from that. So in a nutshell, I ended up getting the cops, the cops were waiting there, they got me there. I got charged with some pretty serious offences. Um, and uh was at that stage I was suspended from work as a result, and those those charges and went through the um the the the you know criminal justice system and spent about 12 months um going through backwards and forwards and um you know coming back to it, but right, it was already bad enough with what was going on, Jared. And you know, I knew I was in the wrong. I knew I knew I was in the wrong. I knew, despite not being clear-headed, despite not knowing exactly what was going on, I could only go on what I was reading of police statements and and things like that. I had to wear it and I had to own it, which I did. But I was also aware enough at that time that certain things that were said in the statement initially to the police from the ex-wife did not happen, right? Well, over time, when I had to get a solicitor and a barrister involved, my ex-wife's statement changed not once, not twice, not three times, not four times, but five. Five times because we had what they call a case conference, right, with the DPP. And we went back and forwards with my barrister and solicitor and the DPP, and it went backwards and forwards and backwards and forwards. Because initially I got accused that I broke in. No, I didn't. The method how I got in changed from breaking the lock, you know, to grabbing the keys to doing this. I said, no, go for it. Get my DNA. Go get my DNA off. Whatever you're saying I've touched, get it. Couldn't. Because I never did that. I knew I was coherent enough to remember I didn't do that. You know what I mean? I knew that I didn't do that. So the story changed five times. And eventually we had an agreement, agreement of facts, right? Which I just had to, you know, as my barrister said to me all the way along, is that because I was disputing how even end up in there. I said, What do you want me to do? My hand's broken in there. I get it. I shouldn't have been in the first place, but I was, right? Can't take that away. But my hand's broken in the door gonna get my hand out. Me ending up in the house was a result of me shoving the door open to get my hand out. Yeah, you know, yeah, not deliberately trying to get into the house if that makes sense. Yeah, he said, I get ya. But technicality, you're gonna go because as soon as you cross, you're not welcomed into the house, as soon as you your toes cross that um, you know, door entryway, you're gone. So, in a nutshell, I just pleaded guilty, right? All offences, I plead guilty. So they they initially they changed and withdrew a couple of the offences, they modified the change, and then I plead guilty to all of them after that, right? So I was on bail for um uh 11 months, nearly nearly 12 months. Um, so 27th of November 2020, went to court, district court, and got sentenced. And um this is this is the uh part uh you you you're gonna love this one, is that um so the ex-wife, so I'd seen so during sorry, so during the bail period, right? For the bulk of the bail period, I wasn't able to see my kids at all. Because the ex-wife said, no, he's too violent and his mental health isn't stable, he's not seeing the kids. So eventually we're still going through family court. So going through family court, eventually the only way they would give me, the only way that she would agree to give me any time with the children was supervised contact. Supervised contact. So then I now feel not only is it bad enough what I'm going through, I then, because the kids were begging to see me, begging to see their father, right? Likewise I was. So then not only am I going through the court case and then family court, like criminal matter in the family court, I'm then battling the issue of trying to see the children. I then treated like a sex offender, yeah, a child sex offender, because I've got to have supervised my contact with my kids, despite me never ever, ever in any way, shape, or form doing anything wrong to my children.

SPEAKER_00 2:00:11

Yeah, I've been in the supervised contact since.

SPEAKER_02 2:00:14

So I eventually saw the kids on supervised contact and a few times. And then it was only on probably it got to the back end right near before I went to court to get sentenced. So I saw the children twice. Um unsuper unsupervised, right? Which was right at the back end. It was like the start of November. Yeah. Now I remember seeing the I had the last time I saw the kids on that time was the night before I went to court. So it was the twenty it would have been the 26th of November. And the children could see, like we we just we had such good time together, you know. It was and they could see how I guess emotional I was. And they said, Don't worry, Dad, you know, don't worry. Everything's gonna be fine. I said, No, it's not. They said, Yeah, it will. I said, They said, Mum's promised us. I said, sorry, they said, Mum's told us, looked us in the eyes, and promised us she's gonna go to court tomorrow, and she's gonna do whatever she can to help you stay out of getting locked up if that's what's gonna happen, right? She doesn't want you to get locked up. She doesn't want you, she can see you've changed, you know, what you've done, you know, you've you've you've made attempts and that. I didn't buy it. Didn't buy it, but anyway, you know, you kids are telling you. Um so that's what she told the kids. Absolutely promised them that she would do that. So the next day comes up, go to court. So she gets up and she reads a victim impact statement. I don't know if you've heard of them before, but it's uh victim impact statement. So it's a it's they're victims could get there's an opportunity for them to say whatever they like, right? So she could get up and say whatever she liked in this courtroom. It could not be challenged by myself or my legal team, right? So it doesn't matter if it's unfactual, factual, the whole lot. You say whatever, yeah. Yep, could be complete bullshit. She got up there and absolutely smashed me. Smashed me from pillar to post. Couldn't the lies that came out of that, like the situation's already bad enough, completely bad enough as it was, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:02:20

Were the kids in court?

SPEAKER_02 2:02:21

No, they didn't. No, no, she wouldn't let them come. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:02:24

And I'm brainwashing.

SPEAKER_02 2:02:25

Yeah. And I'm glad, I'm glad they didn't, right? Because it's not a place for the children to be, right? But yes, she deliberately kept them away. And as I said, I am happy that they didn't come, right? But she got up and you know, crocodile tears were coming down, and she she got up there and she's reading out and slowly read page after page after page, never starters. I had already seen that, and I knew that that right it wasn't hers. I just I was with her long enough to know how she can write that. So I just knew that that wasn't hers, right? So, anyhow, she um yeah, absolutely slammed me, said this, that, and whatever else, and you know how she didn't believe that I had learnt my lesson. It was all contradictory to what she'd already told the children, right? Despite I'd apologized countless times for my behaviour. I took ownership, I took responsibility. I said in court, I accept what happened. I did what I did, right? I deserved to be punished. Punish me, right? Yet, as I said, it was already bad enough, she made it a million times worse. So she gets off the the way the court was set up. Obviously, the the judges at the front, as you know, the witness boxes on the side, the the dock where I was positioned was in the middle at the back of the court, and there was a public gallery on the left-hand side and the right hand side of the dock. My family and support people were on the right hand side, her mother and friends were on the on the left hand side. So she gets off after reading the victim impact statement. She's walking back towards me. She gets close to me. Exactly, Jared. She gets close to me and goes, the big fucking smile on her face. Like, in other words, fuck you. I've just sunk you. Because every time she was reading, took her for ages to read that document. And every time, you know, she would pause and she's getting emotional. The judge looked across at me, just kind of shaking his head. And I remember looking at the my my my now wife, uh we'll together obviously just in a relationship at the time and looking, I'm fucking gone here. I'm gone. Right. Because I knew, I just knew, right, I could sense the vibes in it, this is not gonna end well. I just knew I'm in a world of world of shit, right? So anyhow, um you know, this when that happened, it was like a big fuck you. She sits down, you know. My defense, my defense uh barrister and solicitor had attempted um to you know put our case forward, obviously, but the the the most pressing part here um was that he tried they tried to explain to the judge, first of all, that I fully, that their client fully accepts his response and and his involvement and what he did in the entire situation. Yeah. Not minimizing it, not justifying it in any way, shape, or form. I truly do accept it, right? And I'll and I'll own it to the day I die, right? But what they tried to do is provide some insight into the history to try and let the judge context understand how things had got to the point they'd got to. You know, so you've got a bit more understanding about it. The judge absolutely blatantly said, I am not going to listen to any victim blame in here whatsoever. Stop it enough. I'm not hearing it to my barrister, he said, despite a number of times saying, We're not trying to vein the blickdom. I've just told you, my client accepts it, responsibility. You you can acknowledge that. Didn't want a bar of it, right? Looks at me and he says, Mr. Dane, you will be going to jail this afternoon. You will be going. My jaw just dropped, right? I didn't know what to do. I was sickened. And he said, in the position you're in, i.e. referring to my background, you should have known better. Yeah. I accept that. I accept that. Jared, I should have known better. But I'm still human. I fucking made a mistake. Biggest mistake of my life I made back in the 5th of December, you know, 2019. And I'll I'll I'll I'll wear what I did, you know. I should never have done it. Right. My reaction to what unfolded got me into the position I I'm at I was at and I'm at, you know. So he said, you should have known better that you're in a position of trust and so on. I'm gonna make an example out of you. So he said, I'm gonna make an example out of you. So despite, you know, hearing all the submissions and all that kind of stuff and what have you, he just then started no no adjournment started reading off a document this judgment about you know, summarising the case and what I was going to be sentenced to. He reads straight off this document. And um so he hadn't taken so obviously after the submissions were uh were taken by by the female prosecutor and and my barrister, instead of having, you know, what what generally happens is they have time to consider both sides of the argument and then they'll prepare their their judgment. Do you know what I mean? So whether that's on the same day or whether that's at a different day and they adjourn it, so be it. But that gives them an opportunity to think about it. He didn't think. Well, this he already had it pre-written because he didn't even leave didn't even leave the bench, right? So as far as mm where or how mine his mum's already made up, regardless what was said.

SPEAKER_00 2:08:30

It's funny you say that, or shouldn't say funny. I'll pause it there real quick. I got made of mine, he's a criminal lawyer, DV. He was representing the father, and he just said, he goes, This was a clear-cut case, like it was a clear win for the father, because we went in there. The judge, he said he knew the judge had already made up her mind before the case would have even heard. Yep. But so that that's what you remind me of. Sorry, mate.

SPEAKER_02 2:08:53

No, no, you're you're you're right, Jared. And that and that's that's the thing. So the moral of where I'm going with this is that you know, the fact that there was a document that was pre-written that you've just heard the prosecution case, our case, to put that into context and to be able to have time to think about that. How can you then read off a document that's already done without going off the bench and and having time to prepare something? It's clearly pre-done. So, anyway, I got absolutely smashed. So I got sentenced to four. Now, this is a person I had no priors, a person of excellent character. Obviously, working in the criminal justice system law enforcement for 19 years, you know what I mean? Yep. I made one hell of a bad mistake and bad judgment that night. There's no doubt about that whatsoever. I accepted my responsibility. I still to this day accept my responsibility in full. Um, and I got sentenced to three years, three months. Head sentence with one year, ten months inside. Full time. So I got obviously taken downstairs, um, court, and then um the next 22 months, so best part of two years, was an absolute living hell that I endured the entire way. I mean, um, you know, being incarcerated for no one is is a good situation. Uh no one in their right mind would say it is, because it's horrendous. And anyone who's been in there knows exactly what I'm talking about. But when you've got someone in there with a with a background like mine, um, you have a lot of drama. And I was in fights and fights and fights.

SPEAKER_00 2:10:40

Did that to put you in protection? Uh I was just at at times, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:10:44

It was in, yeah, was. Um I was in protection centres and things like that, but I still had dramas. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:10:50

Still had dramas because it's not, you know, you've still been doing some people think protection is just for petos, but it's like famous people, cops, uh, you know, I got moved around to a number of centres and I had dramas nearly all of them.

SPEAKER_02 2:11:02

I was recognised, I was recognized by you know other inmates that I'd I'd dealt with familiar in the past. I'd rec I you know, I knew staff left, right, and center um at all these different centres. Um and so I was recognized widely throughout the system and um yeah, you know, I I it was it was horrendous, horrendous experience. Um and it's uh it's done some significant damage to to to you know that's it's not a place you go in and supposed to make you better. It's uh you're in there for punishment, it doesn't it doesn't make you better. You know, if I I've I've um on a on mentally I'm in a way worse situation than what I was before I went in. Um but you know what at the end of the day I I was you know I could I can't change the decision. Um I had to own what I did, and I do, and uh that's one thing that I I I really Wanted to get across to is that um make it crystal clear that you know um I don't minimize or justify what what happened any bit whatsoever, you know. Um it's just it's one of those things, you know. Uh and I never thought I would be in the situation that I was in. Um I was doing everything to avoid going down that road, you know. Um, but as you know, what I've heard that much psychiatrists and psychologists tell me um the whole way through, you know, Jared, that um I've got to stop being so hard on myself and that you know everyone's got a breaking point. And um they know that's not my character, and that I was just pushed beyond my limits in the headspace I was in, in the drug-affected state that I was in. Um you weren't um yeah, you do know what I mean? You weren't to make a proper proper judgment, proper, you know, yeah processes, you weren't in that. So, but look, I I've had like even in there, you know, like um it's it's been it was just horrendous. Yeah, I bet like tough, tough time.

SPEAKER_00 2:13:12

You're still standing here today though, bro?

SPEAKER_02 2:13:14

Mate, I was I I I don't know how. I I really don't, you know. Um I've come out the other side and um I've had to rebuild my life completely from the ground up, you know. Um I was literally nearly killed inside, you know, um very, very close to being killed inside. I was, you know, I was um attacked. Um you know, I had um a number of other inmates that tried to gang up on me. You know, uh not once did I have any drama for the nature I was in there for. I mean, sadly these days, I mean, every second every second person's inside is there with you know domestic violence for that stuff. So it was my dramas was all to do with my previous employment background. Yeah, that's what my drama was. Treated exactly the same as what a police officer would be inside. Um, or you know, anyone that's got authority like that, do you know what I mean? So um it's your time's certainly more onerous in there, and um, yeah, it's uh it's a very difficult situation to to do. And um, but I I fought, I fought hard and um I did what I needed to do to survive, and that's what I did, and I and I survived um to get to the other end, and the big driving force of that was um my children at the other end, and my now wife, my now wife, my now wife. She was, yeah, she was waiting for you. She was a she knows everything, you know. She was a she was a very, very supportive um influence on me and probably a lifesaver. Well, actually, not probably, she is. She is a lifesaver. Her and her family have been nothing but supportive of me through the entire um dealings of it all. There's nothing that they don't know, you know, they know everything. Um and um they've just supported me the whole way through because they, as they can say, as they say, they can see, they know that I'm not that person. They know that, you know, um what happened was completely entirely out of character and such an isolated incident, you know. But I'm still, you know, battling um the psychological trauma and damage that's that's happened coming out of that, and I probably will for the rest of my life. Um, but I've tried to, you know, accept what's happened because I know I can't change it. I've got a good job. Um I'm I'm still working in senior uh senior management positions, uh, all but not within law enforcement, but well and truly out of there. Um, you know, and and I've I've got such a strong relationship with my three children. That's bad as that's good. Yeah, my my my three children. But still to this day, Jared, I'm still copying grief from my ex-wife. Just won't let up. She is just relentless, you know. I have I have no contact with obviously with the ex-partner. Uh we haven't had any con any contact since before I went in custody. Um, but my ex-wife, I obviously still have to because I've got children with her. Um, and still to this day do I cop grief. It still has not ended. So you you look at it this year, we're coming up to December this year with 10 years since we separated. Well, still ten years since we separated.

SPEAKER_00 2:16:57

Still hasn't let up.

SPEAKER_02 2:16:58

No, seven years since the incident took place in December 2019. Well, as I said, coming up seven years, right? And it is still such a toxic situation that she's just like you know, still tries to get money, still still argues me money. I've only got one on paying child support for now. She's she's 17, she's she's 18 next year, so it's another what, you know, uh eight months to go with that. But there's still the issues in terms of poisoning the children, um, you know, trying to manipulate um the children into thinking, you know, how bad I am and and all this kind of stuff. And it's you know, I mean, as I said, the two of them are young adults now, you know. Um, it's just that's like I said, it it's you know what's I won't say it's funny, but you know what uh a number of correctional officers actually said to me when I was inside, they said, you know what, when you get out, Peter, you should write a book. I said, because I mean I know our our podcast has a limited time frame, and and I mean there's so much that you know I've had to skim over. Yeah, you've got to skip, you've got to skim over things, and I've gone backwards and forwards with things. And um, but it it it there is literally there is that much that's happened. And and I say, as I said to you, you know, when we first started to work in, I've gone from what I believe the pinnacle of life. I was such a good job. I was doing well with life, you know, upholding the law, you know, advocate out there, such a positive influence on other people, um, leading by example, you know what I mean, uh, and on how you you would expect someone to behave, you know what I mean? Like a real role model. And that completely got flipped on its head, right, by my actions. And, you know, living the life that I had to live inside, um, where you're just on edge, hyper vigilant every single day. You know, I wasn't able to see, so my kids, my kids wanted to, they begged their mother to come and see me when I was inside. She would not let them come and see me, she refused. Yet she told the children that it was the jail that would not approve them to come and see me. Yet it was her. Because I spoke to the jail saying that's not us, we don't care. She's just got to sign the form to let them let them come and see you. She refused to, right? So it's just this brainwashing, it's just this this lies, this constant, it's j when's it gonna end? Probably never will, right? Um but it's just been relentless, you know. And I I I I just I try now, like I guess um I savour every minute of freedom and and and and and appreciate in life, and and you know uh that I'm still here, I'm still in one piece, very broken, but still in one piece. Um, you know, I've got the children, I've got a very good relationship with the kids. Um, you know, uh like it's yeah, our relationship is very strong. And and and I think the older they get in, the more they realise that, you know, it's Jesus, right? There's more to this, way more to this, you know, um, than what's actually taken place.

SPEAKER_00 2:20:31

Mate, it's a heavy story, it's a hectic story. Um you lasted longer than I did in in family court, you know. So um hats off to you, mate. You're still here. What didn't break you make you stronger, so mate. Look, I might have to move on to these conclusion questions. But before we do, do we I know there's not enough hours in the day. Um do we miss anything that we want to add in there?

SPEAKER_02 2:20:58

I don't nah look, I mean, like you said, you know, I mean there's so much to discuss in such a yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:21:04

Seven years in court, yeah, we're not gonna get to it all.

SPEAKER_02 2:21:06

It's just such a such a lot long period, you know, we just gotta skim over it. And um, yeah, it's it's just it's just tough. So I I I just always say to people, you know, um, there's a lot of people going through some bad shit. Yeah. A lot of people out there, you know. And and and and I can certainly relate to those people, and you know, all I say is there's light at the end of the table. You just gotta day by day. You just gotta hang in there. Yeah, yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_00 2:21:32

Well, mate, I've got some conclusion questions here, if you don't mind me asking. Um, the first one is any advice for fathers knowing what you know now, would you have changed anything during the court process?

SPEAKER_02 2:21:44

Yeah, well, for starters, what I know now is it's not worth spending the money. And and and it's it's a shame to be able to say that because your kids are priceless, right? Kids, your kids are priceless. Um, but it doesn't matter how much money you invest, the system's the system, the system's got its main mind already made up, and it doesn't matter how good your defense counsels are, they can't change the law, and uh that's the bottom line. So um I wouldn't have if if I had my time over again and I had to go have gone through it, I would have self-represented and I would have um yeah, you know, it is what it is. It's that's that mentality because you can't change it. As wrong as it is, and it's it's you you know you're no better off five, six, seven, eight, ten years down the track, except a quarter of a million or more that's right and lost money. Yeah, when yet that money should to go in for the kids.

SPEAKER_00 2:22:42

I agree, mate. Mate, second one, how do we change the system? Abolish it. I mean, I agree. I mean, I don't even know how to answer that, you know.

SPEAKER_02 2:22:54

I I look the the the thing is all I can say is to anyone that's listening is that um, and I know it's not certainly not always possible because I'm in that same boat, is that you've just got to try your best, your very, very best at all to remain calm and try and sort it out at a local level, like with your your partner or ex-wife or whoever it might be, and that's um to try and get a resolution, you know, whether counsel or what, because the only benefits out of this are solicitors.

SPEAKER_00 2:23:25

Yeah, yeah, the only lawyers win.

SPEAKER_02 2:23:27

The only lawyers win. No one else wins out of this, and that's their job. That's not taking anything away from them, that's their job. But you know, the the the the money you you have to spend and and the the financial stress, that's right. You just it should go to the children. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 2:23:43

Mate uh fun. I was gonna say funny one, but I've had someone else uh same position as you got put away um five times in the air. But uh third question is you're on death row, the guard comes and asks you what you want for your final meal, drink, and dessert.

SPEAKER_02 2:24:02

You're on death row, the final meal.

SPEAKER_00 2:24:05

I've had a lot of people lately say they're not they don't have sweet tooth. I don't know what's going on.

SPEAKER_02 2:24:10

A lot of people I'd stick with my favourite and go the caramel slice.

SPEAKER_00 2:24:15

Oh yeah, mine's sticky that pudding. Yeah, with that as well, either or what about a hot meal and what do you wash it down with?

SPEAKER_02 2:24:21

Hot meal. Wow. I love a pizza, good pizza, good Italian pizza, good Italian pizza, so I'd have to say that and wash it down. Oh, look, the old trusty cog zero of Pepsi Max.

SPEAKER_00 2:24:32

I'm a Pepsi Max boy, yeah. Either or on tap, I like it on tap. Mate, if you were in a room with every single person you'd met or interacted with on this journey, who was the first person you'd be drawn to and why?

SPEAKER_02 2:24:43

On this journey. Uh my wife. Yeah, nice. My my wife. My wife would be the one without a doubt. I mean, um, you know, just to look to Jared, to stick through somebody that when I first met her, I was on bail, right? Um, and I not knowing what the outcome was going to be, not knowing whether I was gonna get an order, a court community-based order, whether I was gonna be locked up or whatever happens, you know what I mean? And to stick by me, I I I can't thank her enough for that, you know, and and to support me through the entire duration that I spend inside, that's just that's a special person. Yeah, she is and um I I I owe I owe a lot I owe my life to her, and as I said, to her family and um her kids and everyone's because I mean that they they they treat me like their own, do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 2:25:40

Shout out to your wife, mate. Thank you. Well done, mate. Two more. What strategies or tips help during the process that you could recommend to any listeners?

SPEAKER_02 2:25:51

Strategies rely on yourself, rely on you you've you've got no one else when you get in tough times and and you know your back's against the wall, and you know you just you're isolated in that. You've only got your own mind to think.

SPEAKER_00 2:26:08

You've just gotta don't look for that temporary band-aid.

SPEAKER_02 2:26:11

You've just gotta stay as hard as it is, is you need to try it. You need to find the positive and the good in something, and um just try and like I I I did it uh and if I can do it, I think anyone can do it. Yeah, uh, I know like my family would disagree, they would say that you know I'm one of the strongest people they've ever met. Um, I don't see it that way, but you know, thank you for that. But um it just you know you need to just try like you know and and look for the smallest positive, smallest light in anything in the darkest days, you know, but but talk, talk to somebody, you know. One thing I I can't emphasize enough is that it ain't weak to speak, yeah. And you know, there's there's people out there that'll pick up the phone, that'll just hear you out and let you just unleash and vent and empty the tank, and that can make a world of difference because when we bottle things up, um, and I certainly know, and we we get ourselves into such a bad headspace, we make irrational decisions. Um and I'm a prime example of that of making horrendous decisions when I've allowed myself to get to a bad headspace.

SPEAKER_00 2:27:28

Yeah, well said, mate. Last one, any message for your children? Uh I love 'em. And um take your time, brother. It's been a journey.

SPEAKER_02 2:27:59

And um I might not be here for a long time, but over the time I'm here, I'll do everything I possibly can to be the best man. Father, husband, the person I can be, to make sure that I never ever go back to being that person that I was. And that um I'll give them provide for give them the best life that I possibly can.

SPEAKER_00 2:28:33

Nice mate. Mate, um I have got something else I just want to add to you. Yeah, mate, if I can use your time, brother.

SPEAKER_02 2:28:42

Just want to say that um thank you very much to yourself. You know, you've you've you're an inspiration to so many people with what you do. Um, and look, you know, I I I know myself, I've felt up until now, I felt I've had no voice. And you've given me that voice by inviting me to come along and share my story and um just feel so many times we're not heard. I think blokes feel that we're not heard. We can get up in courtrooms, we can do anything, but you just don't feel heard. And and and by to relate to someone like you who's gone through your own journey and created the Broken Fathers podcast, but what it does, it means more than you probably can imagine, you know, just listening and things like that. But so many people can relate um to what you know, I guess all your guests come on and and say at various parts. And it's been um, I can only speak from my own personal experience, it's been a hell of a ride, one that I'd never wish on my worst enemy. Um somehow got through it, and I guess I just wanna moving forward. Um I know my mother would always say to me, you know, she always used to say, good or bad, I was a good boy. Which clearly it's not the case, but um yeah, I just I I want to be there for my children and for my wife, my family and her family, and just do the best I can and and you know, um whatever time we've got left on this planet is to to to give a hundred percent and um just be a good person, you know.

SPEAKER_00 2:30:24

Mate, um I hope that uh you know when you go back today, you know, I'll feel confident that it will it's um weight off your shoulders and to feel like it's a chapter that you can close because you've told your story in detail. Because you probably get sick. People ask you about what happened, you get sick of repeating. I know for me, I get sick of repeating. People ask me about me. I said, you know what, if you want to know the if you're that interested, episode one, I've told my story, there it is, you know. And for me, I can just sort of put it to bed and hopefully it's a sort of a release of trauma in in a way, and that that's a way of few shoulders, you can just bury it, move forward, there it's done.

SPEAKER_02 2:31:00

Um but yeah, what I struggle with, I what I still struggle with, and and and I'm I'm getting better at it, is that you know, in your true friends never leave you, yeah. So I'll call them associates, but it hurt at the start when all this went down because I lost so many people, yeah. Because they believed what they heard or they believe what they read. The only ones who know the truth are the ones that were present, you know, and I've never shied away from the fact that I've made errors and I made big errors, right? And um I've got to live with that. I've learned from that, and you live and learn, don't you? You know, but it it hurt, it hurt, and it still does that I've lost so many people who I thought were were good mates, you know, um, and they've just turned their back on me for whatever reason. And um, but I used to want to explain and get more get it out there, Jerry. You know, that now I'm like what you just said, you know what? You believe what you want to believe, right? Yeah, you want to know the truth, but you come and ask me, yeah, yeah. Otherwise, yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_00 2:32:04

Well, mate, on behalf of the Broken Fathers podcast, I'd like to thank you for and your wife because I know she's travelled up here with you today, taking time out of your life, your schedule, spent money out in your pocket flying up here. You know, I appreciate that. My followers appreciate that, and I have no doubt that you've connected with some fathers that when they watch this, you've connected with them, helped them. Uh, because I know every episode does, I get the feedback and they say thank you. And because I can guarantee you there'll be a father watching this that's tried to take their life as well, or they've they've been put in prison. It's I I can assure you, it it it's definitely going to connect. So, again, thank you for coming in and being vulnerable and open up and telling your story. And uh wish you and your wife and your kids nothing but the best for the future moving forward, mate. And um, yeah, I hope the roosters beat the doggies. Thanks, Shared. Thanks for coming on, brother.

SPEAKER_02 2:32:53

Thanks for having me. Thank you very much. All good.