Episode 310: Desiring God Thinks Marriage Is Like Peddling Furiously on the Back of a Tandem Bike

We're kicking off 2026 by teaching you how to think critically about Christian marriage and relationship advice! Rebecca and I walk through some really problematic articles and social media posts - from the Gospel Coalition's piece against therapy to Tilly Dillehay’s tandem bike marriage metaphor - and show you exactly why they make us feel unsafe. We'll teach you how to spot red flags, question who benefits from this advice, and why prioritizing your safety and discernment isn't selfish - it's Biblical.

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LINKS MENTIONED: 

• The Desiring God article on tandem bikes
• The Gospel Coalition article on therapy
• Our book The Marriage You Want, and the video series that goes with it
• The study on followership behaviour

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome & 2026 Intro, Patreon Book Club
• 3:15 The Problems With Gospel Coalition’s Article: "Why Women Are Going To Therapy Instead Of Church"
• 13:00 Why Pastors Good Actually Want Women In Therapy
• 18:23 What Does It Mean To Be In Safe Community?
• 21:42 How The “Seductive Woman” Analogy Dehumanizes Women And Enables Cheating
• 29:23 What Is Wrong With Tilly Dillehey's Tandem Bike Marriage Metaphor
• 42:23 Tilly’s Marriage Tip #1: Your Husband Knows He’s Messing Up, Don’t Tell Him (Really??)
• 44:43 Tilly’s Marriage Tip #2: Don’t Bring Up Things That Bother You Because Not Everything Is A Sin (Spoiler: We Disagree)
• 47:15 Tilly’s Marriage Tips 3 & 4: Stop Being Negative And Choose To Be Grateful (But Sometimes Feedback Is Necessary!)
• 51:22 All People Need To Feel Safe In Relationships, And That Means Honest Feedback
• 57:13 Real Research: Followership Behavior Study And The Implications For Complementarian Marriage
• 1:00:38 Protect Your Safety In 2026 By Fixing Your Algorithm & Finding Healthy Community