"Why Are We Choosing to Stay Single? Is Marriage Still Worth It?"

Summary

In this episode, Samantha & Luther engage in a deep conversation about relationships and marriage, featuring guests Ericka & Dayo who share their experiences and insights from over a decade of marriage. They discuss the importance of clarity in relationship goals, the impact of social media on modern relationships, and the significance of community and like-minded individuals in fostering healthy partnerships. The conversation emphasizes the need for peace, purpose, and a strong foundation built on mutual respect and understanding. In this episode, the hosts discuss the impact of relationships on personal choices, the dynamics of modern dating, and the importance of self-discovery. They emphasize that conflict can be a catalyst for growth in relationships and explore the concept of submission as a powerful tool for partnership. The conversation highlights the need for open communication, understanding, and the willingness to grow together in a relationship. In this episode, the conversation delves into the depth and authenticity required in relationships, emphasizing the importance of self-love, purpose, and accountability. The speakers discuss how the energy one emits affects their relationships, the significance of patience and vulnerability in marriage, and the need for understanding gender differences. They also highlight the power of femininity and the importance of building community through love and support.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Relationships and Marriage
03:13 The Journey of Marriage: Insights from Long-Term Couples
06:02 The Importance of Clarity in Relationship Goals
09:04 Navigating Modern Relationships: Feminism and Family Dynamics
12:00 Building a Strong Foundation: Lessons from Family
14:54 The Role of Peace and Purpose in Relationships
17:48 The Impact of Social Media on Modern Relationships
21:01 The Importance of Community and Like-Minded Relationships
25:50 The Influence of Relationships on Personal Choices
29:41 Navigating Modern Dating Dynamics
34:04 Self-Discovery and Personal Growth
39:03 Conflict as a Catalyst for Growth
43:48 The Power of Submission in Relationships
48:07 The Importance of Depth in Relationships
49:30 Self-Love and Purpose in Attracting the Right Partner
51:23 Frequency and Attraction: The Energy You Emit
53:51 Accountability and Healing in Relationships
55:04 Advice to Younger Marrieds: Patience and Vulnerability
57:11 Authenticity in Relationships: Trusting Your Gut
01:00:05 Understanding Gender Differences in Relationships
01:02:28 The Power of Femininity and Authenticity
01:03:53 Building Community Through Love and Support

Titles

Navigating the Complexities of Modern Relationships
Building Lasting Love: Insights from Long-Term Couples
The Journey of Marriage: Lessons Learned
Finding Peace and Purpose in Relationships
The Role of Community in Fostering Healthy Marriages
Understanding the Impact of Social Media on Love

Sound Bites
"Fear and logic don't go together."
"You have to lead from the front."
"Relationships are mirrors."
"Start hanging out with wives."
"It's not a competition."
"Conflict is necessary for growth."
"We only see affection in marriage."
"You have to love yourself first."

Transcript

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (00:01.294)
Oh man, so look, we are back, we are back, we are back. What's going on, Lothar? What's going on, babe? I'm good. How are you this evening, honey? I'm doing really, really good. Okay. Had a little technical difficulties. We got our very, very first guest on Let's Talk About It, a relationship podcast. First two guests. First two guests. Yes. Couples, that's what we like to talk about because that's what we want to do around here, talk it to happily.

Erika And Dayo (00:11.276)
You

Erika And Dayo (00:21.196)
Thank

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (00:27.734)
married couples who did it early by the way. Yeah. I gotta give a shout out to people who not trying to make sure their careers off but actually building together. Love that. Love that. So Luther and I, I'm Samantha Lampkin and my husband, Luther Lampkin. already know. We, the basis of our podcast, let's talk about it is to talk about relationships, getting in them, staying in them and really what it takes to make it work. Like you said, Luther, a lot of the times we hear about

people when they first get married and then all of sudden this divorce. And so it's like what happened and what's the in between what makes it stay, what makes you stick and what makes you just stick around if you will. And I would like to introduce our guests tonight. Well, let's have them introduce themselves. So Luther, you and I officially will be married one year on the third, February 3rd. one full year. One whole year. Our guests tonight.

Erika And Dayo (01:20.141)
Hey!

Erika And Dayo (01:27.649)
We.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:28.097)
Our guests tonight have over a decade of love. Yes. Over a decade. decade. Yes. Going into 12 years this year. I'll have them introduce their, well, we'll have you all introduce yourselves.

Erika And Dayo (01:32.108)
Crazy.

Erika And Dayo (01:41.078)
So first off, thank you guys for having us. Tell me, Dio, I go by Dio and my wife Erica. Yeah, over a decade of love and marriage, going on 12 years this March. Yeah, 12 years. Yeah, so it's been a ride. It's been a journey. that's really, that's the basis of what marriage is. It's a journey. A journey and a worthy destination. So.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:45.941)
Okay. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:52.429)
Okay.

wow.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (02:05.548)
Hmm, okay.

Erika And Dayo (02:08.64)
Yeah, we're happy to share. We're happy to, I mean, I don't know if we're necessarily experts per se, but you know, still here. After five years, you're an expert. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (02:17.069)
Man, look, being together married, well, 100%. I would say so. Man, look, the way people getting divorced nowadays, no, 12 years is like, I mean, the standard used to be 30, now all of a sudden the standard is three. you know, they're really making up the breakup. So it's like, how can we really, really do this? But one of the things that we want to do.

Erika And Dayo (02:31.282)
Right. Crazy. That needle. That needle move.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (02:43.658)
is talk to couples, start asking them questions and really diving deep and not these cookie cutters. I'm sorry. The stuff that we see on the internet, you rarely get the real type of conversations, not the embarrassing type, but just conversations of what it really takes. Because as we know, they had all these different podcasts out here. And one of them that we saw that really just imploded lately was, what was it? Tonight's Conversation? yeah. And now you see them all on the internet going after each other. The one thing I can say that

that bothered me the most was the fact that I didn't feel like that was a solution based show. You know, we weren't telling people really how to get into marriage. We were just telling people how to hook up or telling people how to satisfy their needs. you know, at the end of the day, pretty much. we also want to make sure that we PG. It is important. You know, it's important to have sex. before. But in proper context, because if we just having sex without no commitment. Right.

Erika And Dayo (03:29.9)
Yeah, it was as important.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (03:41.664)
Now we still are perpetrating the same thing that we got going on in the black household. Absolutely. you know, getting together is important. And one of the things of the McCarthy's, what I admire about them, they are not just a married couple, but they are a family. Yes. They have two amazing children. I think one of them is trying to stay woke past her bed. And the other one, you you're chilling. But I will say one thing I admire about you two is

Erika And Dayo (04:01.268)
Always.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (04:11.213)
Just the cohesiveness that you all have and that the genuineness of love, the ups, the downs, the sideways. I like how y'all keep it tight. So, So you want to go back and so we're going to make this conversation. So you want to go into the first topic and we can start asking the questions and start to have a conversation. Well, Luther and I, like I said, we've only been married a year, but we dated a little bit before that. And so before you all leave and got married, we...

Erika And Dayo (04:19.67)
Thank you.

Thank you.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (04:38.837)
I know you all story, but for the people that may not know, like before you all even got together, what did you all, did you all even think about me or did y'all think that you, you two would be, you know, where y'all at now?

Erika And Dayo (04:52.694)
girl? Well, so yes, yes, I, when we met, or when we were introduced to one another, neither one of us wanted to be in a relationship. he was like over the situation he just got out of, it was toxic and all those things. And then I was in a situationship that just wasn't moving forward. And I knew I wanted to be married. I knew that I wanted children.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (05:05.709)
Okay.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (05:10.241)
Okay.

Erika And Dayo (05:21.764)
And I'll share a funny story like on our very first date how sure I was after our friend had introduced us when we started talking on the phone because I was living in Florida at the time and he was in Chicago, but I was transitioning back and but we got married. I know for a couple of weeks for about four to six weeks. It was about four to six weeks before I moved back. And so once we had our first conversation on the phone, I mean,

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (05:32.695)
Okay.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (05:37.377)
about to say y'all about to do that long distance love

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (05:43.201)
Yeah

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (05:47.713)
Mm-hmm.

Erika And Dayo (05:50.892)
We never stopped talking. Literally. Literally. And so on our first date, I remember sitting down. I was tired. was like, I'm, my friend told me I need to meet this guy. He's perfect for me. And one of the first things I told I was like, listen, I want to be married. I want to have children. I was like, it doesn't have to be to you. It doesn't have to be tomorrow, but that's what I want. And I'm like, and if you're not on that same path, we don't even need to do this. Like I'm actually good where I'm at.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (05:52.609)
Mmm.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (06:02.54)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (06:11.949)
Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (06:16.076)
Yeah.

Okay.

Erika And Dayo (06:20.204)
you know, and then the woman taking his wine and he sifted back and was like, okay, what am I seeing bad side? I'm ready to eat. What is happening right now? Wow. Did we get here, Deborah Cox? What's going on? I don't know what's going on.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (06:21.185)
Okay.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (06:27.265)
mean, look, he probably had, he probably, yeah, he probably. It was nobody supposed to be here situation. So Erica, what I like about you, you were, she was in the dough, in the dough ready. So my brother said he sifted back because he, you wasn't, did it just take you by surprise that a woman was like,

you know, ready about what she wanted.

Erika And Dayo (06:57.792)
Yeah, I mean, it didn't. I was surprised that it was coming at soon. I was surprised that it was happening on the first date, but spiritually I'm built for this. I've been setting myself up my entire life to be a leader, to provide for somebody and my many means. So, at that time I was in a place professionally where I was in a career that I didn't expect to be in, but I was finding success.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (07:03.341)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (07:15.937)
Yeah. Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (07:27.552)
So she actually caught me in a little window where I'm like, I'll be good. I'm making some change. The light was on. Yeah, the light was on. So the timing. yeah, when she was saying it, I was taken back but turned on at the same time because I could appreciate how sure she was of herself. And it was coming from a genuine, authentic space. And there was something inside of me that I was like, OK.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (07:30.209)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (07:33.953)
Yep. The timing. Timing. Time is everything.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (07:48.471)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (07:51.938)
Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (07:56.076)
Yes, me too. just didn't know now, but we're gonna talk about it now. yeah, you know, on the first date, but no, it I really appreciated it when I when I, you know, look back on it.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (08:00.429)
That was the first day.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (08:09.505)
How old were you, Alixar?

Erika And Dayo (08:12.428)
27 and 29. She's older. No, I was between 26. No, 27. I was 27. So I was 25. Yeah. I was 26. Okay. Around that age.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (08:14.955)
Yeah!

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (08:23.853)
Okay. So now here's, so I got, I got one for you. Uh, it's going to be for both of you guys. Um, I'm going to do a dial first. Dial. How did you feel with Erica putting it all out there when usually that's our role. That's we're supposed to be doing. How does you feel that she beat you to the punch on the first day?

Erika And Dayo (08:33.536)
Mm-hmm.

Erika And Dayo (08:39.916)
Right.

Erika And Dayo (08:43.98)
You know, I'm fortunate to come from a very sure of herself mother. So she reminded me of my mom anyway. know, my mom is very much so, yeah, she was like, if it needs to happen, if something needs to get done, she's going to just move. So it was that sureness about herself. I like this felt familiar, you know, and it's sensible. mean, it's at end of the day, you know,

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (08:53.878)
Okay. So that was a checkbox already, right? Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (09:04.374)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (09:10.038)
Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (09:14.806)
we're wired to create, right? Whether it's life, whether it's a lifestyle, whether it's children, whether it's, we're created to create. So that part of me, she spoke to. I don't think I was conscious of it at the time, but it felt comfortable and that's what I come from. yeah, I don't wanna say. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (09:17.133)
All right.

Mm-hmm.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (09:27.372)
Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. So it didn't, didn't bother me too much. All right. I got you. Now, Erica, now, and I got to put it out there in the era of feminism being so strong out here. what possessed you to, because you got, you got to some force behind you to want to go out there and put it all out there online. Because right now we're in that, we're in an era that, let's face it, the black community got.

Erika And Dayo (09:48.724)
I don't know.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (10:02.733)
uh, gender wars going on. And what you see now is, uh, most women not, uh, want to build. And also, um, they chose their career. You were still, you were right there and we would call your prime years, but you already wanted to be a wife and a mother. And you really just don't hear that because we're telling women now to wait later and later after their career. So what's that? To be that forward.

Erika And Dayo (10:18.902)
Mm.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (10:32.629)
in an era that that's not that's not really heard of anymore. Right.

Erika And Dayo (10:36.882)
sure. I was so forward only because I had just got I've been dealing with someone who wasn't sure about what they wanted with me. And going into the date with him. And mind you, right? We already been talking for six weeks prior to that before moving with great chemistry. it was like, yeah, it wasn't like we've talked like we met somewhere one on a date. And I'm like, you know,

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (10:46.626)
Gotcha.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (10:54.485)
Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (11:02.411)
Yep. Was this before FaceTime? Yeah, I think it before FaceTime.

Erika And Dayo (11:08.267)
No, we FaceTime. We did. Yeah, yeah. FaceTime. Oh yeah, because I fall asleep because we talked for like two in the morning. asleep or on the camera. Yeah. So, you know, went into that saying that to him just on, I think really just feeling like I just didn't want to waste any time. I was in a space where, you know, I just moved back.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (11:09.869)
Okay, okay, okay.

I remember those days. Like you sleep. No, I'm up.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (11:31.871)
Bye.

Erika And Dayo (11:34.964)
career wise, you know, I had just left a job that I actually loved so that I could come back to Chicago and took one on that I didn't love just to get back. And so it was just like my transition. like, I just really don't have time for, for any games if that's what you're on. And it was just really me being forward with this is what, this is where I'm going. Are we going in the same direction? To answer your question about, you know, in times of feminism and being like a wife and a mom.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (11:39.074)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (11:43.167)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (11:48.993)
Yeah

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (11:54.603)
Yeah. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (12:00.973)
Man, yeah. Okay. Come on. All right.

Erika And Dayo (12:04.076)
groomed to be a wife and a mom. So my grandmother and my mom, you know, both groomed me since I was a little girl as to what a wife should be, how a wife carry herself, what she should be able to, you know, do for her husband and her children. And on top of that, they were both examples of that. And they both, you know, are, were in marriages, are in marriage, well, my grandmother is no longer here, but was in a marriage.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (12:14.253)
Okay.

Yeah

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (12:23.841)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (12:32.469)
Yeah

Erika And Dayo (12:33.42)
that she saw through to the end. I mean, I lived with my grandma the first seven years of my life with my mom. I at a young mom, I grew up in the house with my papa and my grandma. And I saw my grandma in house. She was very traditional and she took very good care of my grandpa. And my grandpa took very good care of her. then my mom and my dad, get married. We move into the house with them and it's starting to create

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (12:35.532)
Mm-hmm.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (12:40.653)
Okay. Yep.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (12:50.594)
Right.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (12:54.946)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (13:01.644)
Hmm.

Erika And Dayo (13:03.36)
our family unit and seeing my mom and my dad work together. Like I had like probably one of the healthiest marriages, relationships to see. So I didn't fear it at all.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (13:04.833)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (13:11.469)
Alright.

Yeah. So you didn't fear it. You didn't fear it. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of us fear it. And that's why Erica was able to come from that place because she saw it. And many of us that didn't see it, part of that is the fear of he going to have to it to me ain't got time. This man, I'm out sat out and put on some makeup. know. Yeah. And that's unfortunate because what we see now more than anything else is fear. We see fear driving every decision that they make. And we all know.

Erika And Dayo (13:38.314)
Mm-hmm.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (13:41.934)
If you're making decisions based off of fear, it's never going to work anyway. know, it's not logical. know, file short. Right. Fear and logic. Say that again. Yeah. I know. And that's why so many of us are, you know, in a polarizing space in our lives. And so many of us are stuck. And what Erica just really described is when someone here is a woman of a certain type of caliber or here, she was grown to be that way. Well, I ain't getting ready to do this. I ain't get ready. Well, you get ready to be by yourself.

Erika And Dayo (13:44.64)
Nihilogical. you fear logic don't go together. Fear and logic don't go together. Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (14:11.542)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (14:11.783)
And that's what, and you know what's so crazy? That's what we see. We see, we, and the crazy part is now what we see that is, I can't even imagine is the more successful you are professionally. Personally, your relationships are terrible. know what mean? And what you see at an older age now is you see all the tiredness looking. They'll be young and still look tired because they've been doing so much stuff and they don't have the replenishment of having a partner to balance out a life.

Erika And Dayo (14:26.252)
Thank you.

Erika And Dayo (14:34.666)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (14:40.672)
Yes, in the sex. They're not having sexuals. And you can tell by looking at them that they're like, man, somebody touch them, they're go off like a fire. mean, so, you know, it's like, man, somebody need to get some. Or somebody, or they get it and it's empty. Well, yeah. mean, now I'm going to be honest with you though, in this era of lack of monogamy or with everybody and the non-exclusive stuff.

Erika And Dayo (14:41.022)
I'm sorry.

Erika And Dayo (14:54.277)
Alright,

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (15:09.069)
What Eric could display is I guarantee you what most men will be looking for. You see how Dio snatched that up? He did that. That wine went back. What kind of wine was it? Do you remember? What was?

Erika And Dayo (15:16.684)
Man, man, listen. The funny thing was, like I told myself, because the situation I got out before was rather toxic and I was burned out on relationships. Clearly I got relationship written on my forehead or husband material. I've been in relationships since I was 13. And in most of them, they weren't.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (15:28.107)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (15:36.875)
Okay, yeah

Erika And Dayo (15:43.5)
You know, I started like the first one where you're kind of just curious and you think it's the thing to do. But most of them, it was just like, yo, let me pull up, let us grow into something. And because of similar to Erica, my home was peaceful as well. My parents were together until my father was no longer. And I saw them work together. It was just sensible. It was peaceful. So when she hit me with that energy, even though it straightforward, I could feel the peace behind it.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (15:46.785)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (15:52.465)
huh.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (15:56.173)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (16:09.025)
Wow. Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (16:09.868)
Even when her friend was trying to connect, her friend was trying to connect us for weeks. months. For months. And I kept saying no, because I was just tired of relationships all my life. But you know, and I thought it was so good to be true. I'm like, there's no way you look this good and you're as peaceful as what your friend is saying. I've heard this before. Peaceful.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (16:16.565)
Yeah. Okay. He was over it. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (16:28.333)
Now you hear what you just said though, you said peaceful. Okay. And man listen, I peaceful You then took him down the road. listen, I mean peaceful is what we still trying to establish in our household. you ain't, I thought we doing a lot better. Peace is like, I mean, but you know what though, it's something that's worth, you know, going down It really is. And Luther, we could be very transparent. When we first started dating, Luther broke up with me because he told me-

Erika And Dayo (16:35.654)
Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (16:43.98)
I can't even work this.

Erika And Dayo (16:50.284)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (16:58.38)
Samantha, you're disturbing my peace. And I it just like this. I say, am peaceful. Just like that with the neck. It went. And I'm sitting there looking like... It was the peace. And I knew it. But I had never had anybody tell me that I didn't come from peaceful. I came from...

Erika And Dayo (16:59.948)
That peaceful neck roll.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (17:18.721)
I knew that my parents, my stepfather and my mother, my biological father and mother never married. my stepfather, I knew of the institution of marriage. We went to church, we did the things. I didn't see a lot of affection. But I knew that I wanted to be a wife and eventually a mother. And I'm like, okay, well, maybe my time gonna come. But what I'll do is succeed in my career because it never failed me. And it really did. But to me, successfully, I was straight.

Erika And Dayo (17:43.36)
See ya.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (17:48.194)
But personally jacked up and that mess with my peace. Sorry, Luther. Yes. Cause, but you know what? I didn't come from peace either. came from really a hectic background growing up. But what I did figure out as I started going in this dating America round is that if I didn't have peace and purpose and I couldn't be a good husband. And so that was one of the biggest things that I started to really, really require was peace within myself first.

Because if I didn't have that first and I didn't have a purpose and I really wouldn't know how to lead and by me growing up without a father, I didn't know how much purpose meant. Because when I was meeting women, I was more taught by my mom was everything was 50-50 and then she was empowerment and feminism and everything else. my mindset was always either 50-50 and everything else. But

but it messed me up because there's a, there's an aspect of your life that you have to understand how to lead and leading. can't leave from the side. You got to leave from the front. And if you know that you have to be the covering, then yes, you are not going to diminish what your wife has already created, but you also have to understand what your role is in that. And I didn't really know that. and so what I loved about meeting Derek, mean, being Erica and Dayo was the fact that it was a young couple.

had their stuff together. And honestly, guys, we got to tell you that we admire just, you you, your life, what you guys have built, your children. And because, sometimes what happens is we keep surrounding ourselves with the wrong people. We do. And you wonder why your own life is jacked up. And so it was really, really important to start to be around people who actually were living the way that we want to live and the way that we aspire to live. And I remember when I met Erica and Dayo.

Erika And Dayo (19:17.676)
Thank you all.

Erika And Dayo (19:25.9)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (19:36.47)
I was doing my radio show at the time and Luther, that was that break. Y'all met when we were on that. Yes. And it really hurt my heart. I'm like, what I got to do to get myself together because I admire what you all had. I remember the kids, I think they had swimming that day and just to see, my memory is top notch. Yes. And just to see a father and a husband come in and support his wife.

Erika And Dayo (19:41.153)
Okay, yeah.

Erika And Dayo (19:51.596)
in the news. Yeah, on point.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (20:02.253)
and what she was doing and what she is amazing at still doing. And I'll just say this, and I know you might not remember, but I told you my memories. That's one thing I hope the Lord don't take from me is a good memory. Dio, you said, thank you. You said something one day and we were all together and you said, and it made me look at my husband differently. You said, relationships are mirrors. And I was like, cause he had, we had an argument that like an argument. I'm like, I ain't got time for this.

Erika And Dayo (20:06.828)
I'm just kidding.

Erika And Dayo (20:14.188)
It won't.

Erika And Dayo (20:31.276)
you

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (20:31.47)
So and so, but when you said that to me, well to us, and you just said it just cool, relationships are mirrors and I was like, what you say? So that made me and Luther are looking at each other. said, what he just, I don't even think he realized. But stuff like that and what we were saying, being around people in your circle that are doing good things or things that you want to do, how do y'all, how important do y'all think that is to be around people of like minds or that you aspire to be like in some way?

Erika And Dayo (21:01.834)
You know, you know, I definitely believe in iron sharp as iron, right? I have this thing where alignment, we call it alignment, right? You know, you you need similar frequencies for there to be synergy for there to be peace. At the end of the day, that's what we're all here for. Right. This is balance of light and dark, you know, hot, cold. So.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (21:14.281)
Okay, yep.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (21:22.38)
Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (21:29.268)
the having that community is also another form. This is a mirror right here. Y'all are mirror of us now, right? As you you know what I mean? So we want peace, bliss, love, joy, all of the good that comes from the balance of union. That's what we want. So being around that, it helps submit that frequency. know, going back to what you're saying about, you know, the mirror.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (21:35.743)
Yeah, yeah, and it was a long journey to get here.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (21:46.889)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (21:52.3)
Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (21:58.924)
You know, at the end of the day, this is a, this is a, a team like we, you know, use the analogy of sports or football. got your 11 guys on, on the field at a time doing what they got to do to get, to get a W for that game. And you get enough W's, get a championship. Everybody's got that North star, that thing that they're reaching for and everybody just plays their part. So I think, you know, to what, you know, what you're saying earlier about the issue with marriage these days.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (22:02.858)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (22:19.287)
Right. Mm-hmm.

Erika And Dayo (22:26.796)
Nobody is playing for the true championship. The championship has been flipped on his head. A lot of women think the championship is the wedding. know, a lot of guys think the championship is having a trophy wife. You get that on day one, then what? You got the rest forever. So the biggest thing is finding out what is that? What is the champion? What does my Lombardi trophy look like in marriage? And for us, it's creating something that outlives us, right? So what you saw, you know, that night,

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (22:30.54)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (22:36.769)
Yeah

Yeah. Right. Come on.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (22:50.678)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, legacy.

Erika And Dayo (22:56.394)
It was, Samantha was, you know, the children, I want them to see me support her, right? Just like how she saw her parents supporting one another. saw my father drive the Springfield on behalf of my mom's business, you know, while, you know, they both got jobs. So being, you know, children don't care about what you say to care about what you do. So for me, my North Star or my, our championship is

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (23:03.809)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (23:10.829)
Thank

Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (23:19.937)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (23:23.767)
Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (23:24.202)
It's really going to be them because when we're gone, they're going to be maybe on a podcast speaking in the same way. but that gives me something that gives us something to where it's not such a short-lived goal, right? The house, the car, the job don't when you get those then what? Right. Then what?

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (23:29.505)
Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (23:39.854)
Yeah. Then what? Yeah. And unfortunately, that's what we see people living for. We see people living for that. The things. Well, the things, you don't have no choice because of our lifestyle and you see that they put the lifestyle more than family. unfortunately, family is what sustains you. Right? And so now we've seen so many people, whether it's men and women, they're not having family and they're trying to

Erika And Dayo (23:53.142)
Good things. What a lifestyle.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (24:09.565)
Or if they are trying to do it, they're trying to do a which for the life of me, I don't understand. I don't either. Now, Erica, now that you have been in a marriage for 12 years and you have your outlook, what do you constantly see from the women who are still on the other side and still on the track, as we like to call it, that still can't get off of? What do see that's plaguing them as far as crossing and getting into the other side of being married like you?

Erika And Dayo (24:37.298)
One, I really do think if you haven't seen it played out, someone fighting to the end for each other being a team, it's hard for you to jump in and know how to be that. That's where I was very fortunate in that way. I think a lot of the women, especially the modern woman, I think...

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (24:43.713)
Mm-hmm.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (24:47.649)
Yeah. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (24:56.086)
Okay.

Erika And Dayo (24:59.756)
you know, social media gets in the way. That's where I was also, very grateful. There was no, was gone as good as it got. There were no dating apps. think, was it, eHarmony? eHarmony had just came out and to me it was weird because I'm like, who meets people on the internet? I think social media plays a part because now you're in all of these, this imagery of what a marriage or relationships, and they just show the fun part.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (25:06.509)
Praise the Lord.

man. Wasn't no abseil. E-Harm, the one that's paid for. Yeah. Yeah.

Man.

Mm-hmm. It does.

Erika And Dayo (25:30.142)
No one showing like there's real work to get into the relationship and there's work once you get in it. And Sam, that reminds me of when we first met at the radio station. You had said something to me at the end of that night where you was like, I want what you got. I want to get married and I want a beautiful family and kids. And you asked me if I had any advice for you. And I was like, start hanging out with wives. Like hang out with the people.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (25:34.027)
Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (25:43.937)
Bye.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (25:50.893)
Ha

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (25:55.693)
Yep.

Erika And Dayo (25:59.432)
That you that you respect and that you want to you know, you you want that that same life that they have like your version of it You were like, know what? I'm gonna do that because I was like your single friends are gonna keep you single. They're single for a reason You know, and it's just no knock. It's no shame, but it's Yeah Yeah, your single friends will keep you single and so, you know when you're looking at for advice

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (26:01.57)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (26:07.349)
Absolutely. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (26:12.107)
Baby. Man, I mean. Come on. You know, Erica, we call a spade a spade. So your single friends will keep you single. this is coming from fine Mary.

Erika And Dayo (26:28.586)
you know, it should be from someone that you respect, someone who's done it, someone who's doing it and living it, yeah. And I think nowadays with a lot of women, I think it's just they're on this independent track of, you know, no man ain't gonna tell me. And you know, we've lost that traditional side of being feminine and showing up that way. We think that we have to compete with our person.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (26:33.035)
Yeah. Living it. Living it. Yeah. Cause we see a lot of people.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (26:46.412)
Yep.

Yeah. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (26:56.3)
Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (26:56.428)
It's not a competition when I went I met like I made more money than he did But no one would have ever known that and that was another one of those things that my mom and my grandma would put me to the side and say listen No matter how successful you are That comes to the side your man comes first like that doesn't matter I'm gonna make more money at some point. I'm gonna catch up but

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (27:01.345)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (27:11.499)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. That's amazing. Still sexy to me. See. Right. At some point. But the fact that money's not leading. The money is And she never made him feel like that. Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (27:26.112)
You're welcome.

I never made him feel like well, know, even if we got it this girl never like well I made more money than it was never You know, we weren't doing 50-50 when when we decided, you know that I was gonna start standing his place more We you know, and I was you know, pretty much living there, you know, he never asked me for rent He was like I got this like I got this I bought groceries, you know like

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (27:36.352)
Right.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (27:40.14)
Right.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (27:47.533)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (27:51.054)
Yeah. You added value to what he had. And that's really what relationships is about is adding value. know what mean? We don't really understand that we need to pour into each other's cups. She bought the groceries. She bought the groceries. You helped me with Colonial. You know, I was still at the Macy's kind of. He wearing Gucci. He was wearing guilty. He was guilty out here. I was guilty with the Gucci.

Erika And Dayo (27:57.344)
yeah.

Erika And Dayo (28:02.377)
It is.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (28:20.567)
I walked up in the sacks. was like, man, I wasn't ready for this type of, and you know what's so funny with that story? Probably about, maybe about a few months ago, I returned the favor. I took her to Saks, went through all the different areas so she can smell everything, so she can smell Delina. I don't tell nobody what sin is now. You just told him, I was just, I was going to give him variety of books. You said the name. Here we go. go.

Erika And Dayo (28:41.804)
He's a school-

Erika And Dayo (28:47.639)
You're y'all getting a hand, up, what?

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (28:49.934)
But that doesn't mean that's what you chose. I'm just saying that you got a chance to smell back root and all these different things. But it's the fact that you put me on game and then sooner or later I got my sin game up. In my own way. And all I'm saying is that we all, I'm going quote unquote, have some type of deficiencies. But if you can look at the person from a core aspect of it say, know what?

I can come into this person's life and I can pour into them and then they can pour into me. Now you are not depleted of energy, peace and everything else. And that's really, really what we're talking about when it comes to relationships. And we're not going to hold you too much longer. We got a couple more questions that we're to get through and then we're going to leave with some gems to leave for married couples. So go ahead, babe. Go ahead, Erica.

Erika And Dayo (29:40.716)
And I wanted to add to this especially with like the more with the modern women and the sink, you know being single, you know One of the things like when I would leave a date when I was dating I'm in sales So, you know, I treated almost like a sales call where I would evaluate if it didn't work out I didn't take it personal because not everybody's supposed to be your person right? Not everyone is the one right?

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (29:45.647)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (29:51.799)
Mm-hmm.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (29:57.515)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (30:04.193)
That's right. Say it. it. No.

Erika And Dayo (30:07.532)
You're on that journey to figure out what works and what does not work. So it didn't work, you know, there's some I might have been more upset about I cried for a day and then after that, you know, and then the next day I regroup and I'm like, what did I what was I attracted to that for that person that even brought me to the point where I'm upset that it ended and then it ends and it's like thinking about

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (30:11.231)
Yes.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (30:16.831)
Yeah, you know, natural. Natural.

Erika And Dayo (30:34.952)
well, where does that put me? What did I not like about this? Why didn't it work? And then going into the next situation with those tools and really being able to figure out like, all right, these are the things I do like about someone. And then when I start seeing those red flags or those qualities that aren't for me, I can eliminate myself a lot faster. Even today, modern women have actually have an advantage with social media because you can use it as a tool.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (30:38.186)
Right. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (30:51.917)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (31:01.921)
Yes, they do. Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (31:03.628)
And I tell like my cousins, I tell everyone who I know who single this. I'm like, do you ever listen to what the real men on social media are saying? And then go into the comments, right? And then go into the comments and see what the majority is saying about that. They don't have to be your type, right? I know a lot of times women don't get caught. Well, they ain't my type anyway. It doesn't matter. Yeah, it doesn't matter.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (31:12.659)
No, they don't. They listen to the panda bears. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (31:23.351)
Yeah.

We get stuck on a tight. Yeah. Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (31:29.472)
Look at the comments. What is the majority saying if the majority is saying that they want their woman to show up a certain way, right?

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (31:35.662)
Yeah. Well, and that's the issue, Eric. I'm sorry, Luther, I had to cut y'all. I was going to just say that unfortunately with empowerment and independence, they care more now about what women think than the person that they're actually being sued by. And who are you trying to attract? You want to attract your home girl or the guy, you know, and that's what we write. can tell with all these organizations they joined. Don't you start.

Erika And Dayo (31:47.604)
Yes. Yes!

Erika And Dayo (31:59.274)
Thank you.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (32:00.544)
But, but what I will say, Erica, you, I'm going go back to you saying you will find out what didn't work and what you needed, you know, pull from somebody else. Many of us, we get out of something and we stay in Hurtville for 10 years and you blink and you 40 and this life will shoot. I don't, they live there and they live there with that. But I really, really love what you said about, look at what the majority is saying and to hear people to get stuck on the type in the comments. That's where we at. Well, you know what though?

Erika And Dayo (32:11.05)
Yeah.

Nobody to live there. Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (32:26.826)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (32:29.453)
If you think about it, guys, think about it this way. Even though we say, look at the majority are saying, it'll still be in delusion of like, hey, you know what? They may be saying this, but I ain't going to stop doing me. I'm going to keep living my truth and not the truth. And so when you live in that land of always just following what doesn't work for you, they don't even pivot. Look at all these women that we keep seeing in all these organizations looking tired, like they on the track. Not even just in organizations, but in life. In life, looking tired.

Erika And Dayo (32:50.252)
Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (32:56.524)
Yeah

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (32:59.118)
How you going to be 35 looking like you got the mentality of a 60 year old? Like it just looking tired, like the world with all their shoulders. Cause it is on their shoulders. I mean, goodness. Now I know, and as we talk about this and we, I know wanting to get deep into marriage, but people aren't even getting to relationship these days. I applaud y'all for doing it in the twenties because that's high flying time. That's yacht boat bikini. Man, And speedo.

Erika And Dayo (33:24.746)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (33:29.389)
They won't even get relationships in the 20s. Shout out to my boy, Dio, because he got his own Bolton service in Chicago summers. Dio, you want to go ahead and give a business drop? All right. look, there you go. There you go. Summertime shot. So you got it. You heard it here first. They wear the bikini on the, pardon me. Yes, but they see it.

Erika And Dayo (33:36.684)
Yeah,

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (33:59.555)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (34:04.907)
Yeah, I love it. Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (34:06.07)
to learn me because my philosophy for that was, all right, if I wanna be married and be a wife and I wanna have children, I knew I wanted to show up a certain way. But in order to do that, I had to exercise this relationship with myself first. So I dated me for a few years and I was learning like, what do I like to do? What do I not like to do? I mean, just ask myself those questions that you would want from someone else. Because I'm like, I can't expect to show up.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (34:16.929)
Yes.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (34:21.154)
Yes.

Okay, yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (34:30.049)
Yeah, Yep.

Erika And Dayo (34:35.914)
in a relationship or a marriage and expect someone else to make me happy. I'm never gonna charge someone else with my happiness. I want to be complete full of fulfilled And that's when she pulled the, I'm not gonna cut you off, but that's huge. Cause I had an effort net. I had an absolute effort net. So I had to lean on her to really articulate what that looked like. And we're talking like literally in the last three years, have I been in my bag and like, like what makes me happy?

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (34:37.708)
Yeah.

Man. Yeah. Come on.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (34:50.551)
huh.

Yeah. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (34:59.182)
Yeah

Erika And Dayo (35:05.512)
My vision of marriage was to outdo my dad, right? My father was there and he wasn't a bad man or husband or father by any means. It was just the health and financial struggles. So I put all of my faith and all of my gumption of being a husband in being a better provider than him. So my ambition with school, my ambition with sports, when I thought that was going to get me the bag and being a professional.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (35:05.591)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (35:09.119)
Okay.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (35:15.266)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (35:18.583)
Mmm.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (35:29.387)
Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (35:35.412)
And then, you know, seeing how peaceful she was and I'm just, my engine is just going, going, going. And I'm like, wait, I gotta be more like you. I gotta be like more like Erica. How do I figure this out? You know, and you know, whether it's Erica asking me, my therapist asking me, like what makes you happy? I didn't have an answer. You know, I didn't have an answer.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (35:39.81)
Yeah.

right

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (35:46.209)
Wow. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (35:51.564)
Yeah. Yeah. And I love the transparency, what you said in the past three years. this is... This is new. It's new. It's new. Yeah. Man, that is definitely a journey.

Erika And Dayo (35:58.504)
Yeah. So now, exactly. So eight years, right? So we're going on 12. So the first seven, we did and do a lot of things right. But no, she had to be patient with me. Like she had to be patient with me and lean on the things that I did right, as opposed to what I wasn't doing right, because I didn't get the chance to really know me and know myself.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (36:14.189)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (36:26.408)
I wasn't gracious with myself. So you can imagine how much harder it was to be gracious with her and the children.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (36:26.507)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (36:32.001)
Man, look, and you don't, and kids, man, I want to know how they balance that. How did y'all really come to, and is it still a work in progress? Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (36:40.864)
That was, I'll say that was the, that was probably the worst. I mean, that's, that's the worst. That was the worst of our marriage. Like that is my, I don't know if you want to call it a trauma response, right? That is where I sucked. And it was her grace and her patience to where she was like, I know there's something in there. You're going to figure it out. And she always created a safe space. You know, I could, I could spit, I could speak, speak what it is that I was going through. And she was like, I got you. I was like, you do?

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (36:43.853)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (36:49.771)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (37:00.194)
Yeah. man.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (37:09.495)
Yeah. Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (37:11.052)
All right, let me out for you, right? Not for myself, but so you can also benefit from it. that's the see like, that's the part that when you talking about the modern women,

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (37:16.769)
Yeah

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (37:23.105)
Yeah, and modern may not hear by the way, because they up here want to be super single. You know what

Erika And Dayo (37:27.264)
Yeah, even. But they that you know what I noticed about women today, they look for the red flags to get out. Nobody's looking for the green flags, right? And they don't want no conflict. They'll go to work and deal with a crappy boss. Your paycheck may come may not come. You're going to give your company get acquired you something you so patient with the institution in the system. But here's the person that's about to give you

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (37:38.899)
Right. Yeah. No, no.

Right. Yep. Say it. Yep. Been there. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Erika And Dayo (37:56.5)
your human being that's going to outlive you and you don't want to deal with no conflict.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (37:59.053)
Come on.

At all. we conflict the adverse when it comes to your partner. But then we can go to the job and they can tell us to get, you know.

Erika And Dayo (38:09.608)
and patient is Jesus. Yeah, conflict is necessary. Yeah, conflict is necessary for growth. as hard as it can be in that moment, it can feel like it's over, it can feel devastating, it can feel all those negative things. But then when you get past it, it's usually a growth moment for the both of you. Now you have a more common understanding of what this person is going through or

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (38:17.267)
I agree. I agree.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (38:30.035)
Mmm. Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (38:35.66)
or what you're going through and you guys can be on the same page. And now, right, alignment, you can be more aligned on your journey of where you're to get to. It's very similar to, you know, I was a personal trainer, it was my first job. And in order for your muscles to grow, when you contract it, it's literally tearing, right? And it's tearing, and then when you consume the right food, it rebuilds and becomes what? Stronger. So there's an intentional tear.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (38:35.692)
Yeah

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (38:46.253)
I that.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (38:55.507)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (38:59.982)
That's right. Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (39:03.756)
that you're choosing when you're married, right? Just like when you're working out and on the other side of it, you strong. Now there's a difference between lifting weights within a, in a healthy manner versus taking on toxic or unhealthy tearing of the muscle or within relationship. So you get, that was the issue with my relationship before Erica. There was this unhealthy and I'm not trying to rag on her cause I know

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (39:06.379)
Yep. I love it. Yep.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (39:15.969)
Yeah

Yeah. Yep. That's right. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (39:28.717)
Mm-hmm.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (39:32.747)
Yeah. Absolutely.

Erika And Dayo (39:33.822)
Everybody's just a product of what they've gone through and everybody's trying their best. So this isn't a dig. But what happens is when you haven't healed from certain traumas and toxic traits, you know, you put a little bit too much dip on your chip when it comes to that conflict. the conflict becomes the star of the show versus like, no, we've got to go through this so we can get somewhere. And that is that habit that I'm fortunate that we

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (39:43.533)
Yep.

Man. Man.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (39:55.649)
Get to the other side. Yes.

Erika And Dayo (39:58.976)
You know, I'll say we mastered. know when we're conflict, when there's conflict, when there's friction, it's cause there's a misalignment, but our goal are both to get aligned. So we got to just get through that discomfort, which is just a pattern now. Like it's at a point now that like when we get into it, like, all right, what's the lesson? Just got, what's the lesson? Give me the lesson so we can keep it moving so we can grow. But there's, but I'll say in the beginning, it was so uncomfortable for both of us, maybe more me.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (40:00.78)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (40:09.557)
I love that. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (40:18.303)
Yeah, love it. Yep.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (40:26.133)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (40:27.072)
to where I didn't like that pain because like the modern relationships, they make you feel like it's almost like whenever we see examples of marriage, we only see the good stuff. We only see affection.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (40:32.012)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (40:38.726)
Uh-huh. No, no, we promote all the breakups, divorces. mean, look what we did with the whole Corey Hardwick and Tia Mari. I mean, now she did a whole divorce, a divorced campaign and now reportedly she now is back with him. Thank God. Like, and you know what? the what's the point? But you know what? You know, listen Come on, cause there ain't nothing out there in them streets. want to...

Erika And Dayo (40:43.35)
Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (40:47.34)
hear me? You hear me? We're near.

Erika And Dayo (40:54.22)
Back to the actually want to pull back out and spend that block. Yeah, I realize.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (41:02.733)
Ain't out here ain't nothing. You know what you dip your toe and you get bit. so. Get kicked out the door, dip your toe, get kicked out the door. And many of us like, and I love that, that we're talking about this, any kind of uncomfort, we running for the door. 100%. Running for the door. And I love that y'all did the stick to it-ness of it. Because again, like you mentioned, we'll sell out for our career, sell out. But what about selling out for love? And when you hear that.

Erika And Dayo (41:08.98)
Really?

Erika And Dayo (41:19.052)
Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (41:25.984)
Yep. Yep.

Come on. Legacy.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (41:31.821)
Yes, and legacy selling out for love and legacy. And when you hear it, it's like kryptonite. So something people, I ain't selling out. What you mean? Submit. Well, you know what? Because you don't, got to, we got to reclaim, just like reclaiming your time. We got to reclaim these words. All right. These words mean something. And so when we say submission, submission doesn't have to be a negative thing. It's not a bad sentence. Yeah. It's like.

Erika And Dayo (41:36.662)
Yeah... Yeah... It's alright.

Erika And Dayo (41:47.876)
Yeah, thank you. It's not a negative word. It's not negative at all. People it's like slavery. Like, you're a slave. It's like, it's not a slave at all. It's just, if you have a man who is on a mission, and you guys are in alignment together, I mean, you're going to fall. I mean, honestly, it's the other word for being soft. You get to be soft. Yeah, absolutely. Yes, girlfriend.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (41:58.38)
Nah.

Yes. Yes.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (42:08.791)
Girl, they submit at work. Listen, they submit to everybody but their husband. You know what saying? And that's the problem right there. submit to their sorority. They submit to their job. They submit to the babysitter. They submit to, you know what I'm saying? The dog sitter. They submit to everybody. Everybody. mean, but their partner.

Erika And Dayo (42:16.232)
Yeah.

Yep. Which award are you talking about?

Erika And Dayo (42:32.432)
everybody but a partner. I'll say a couple things, know, in this, you know, I want to make sure we're not just speaking to the women. So women, we have to be good at or amazing at being able to articulate what our God given mission is. Because I'm submitting to what that is. Of all the things that I could be doing on this planet and in this universe, of all the things that could resonate with me.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (42:44.407)
Yeah, absolutely. And the man to

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (42:52.641)
Yes.

Erika And Dayo (42:59.742)
of all the ways that I could choose to make money. I choose to go after what I choose to go after. That could only come from one place. So now I'm submitting to that. So in my submission of that and the outcome and the product of that, whoever is going to submit to me benefits from it. So we're both in submission. So I'm getting that. So it's not like don't submit to me as if I'm your God. I'm submitting to God's vision for me.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (43:05.067)
Yeah. Yeah.

Yup.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (43:14.242)
Yes.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (43:18.269)
Yeah, Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yep. Yep. And she submitted to your vision. Yeah. I really, really like what you just said because at the end of the day, Erica is not just submitting to you, she's submitting to the vision that God is giving you. And because of that, submitting to the vision, now it's like, okay, how does that cover this household? How does that cover our children?

Erika And Dayo (43:27.744)
So now she is on that and we all win.

Erika And Dayo (43:46.796)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (43:48.034)
How does that cover our legacy and our life of the things that we want? And because God is in the center of that, now it takes us, it takes all the things that we look at each other. And instead of the conflict destroying your relationship, you guys look at, you guys overcame that and it's just another life lesson. And I do love that. What five tips, Eric and Dial, would you give? Five. Five.

Erika And Dayo (44:12.704)
hot.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (44:12.781)
One, five, ten, I'm like five, they might forget at two. But I will say Luther, about the men and their purpose again and the vision, because that's important. And there's a lot of super single men that look good on paper. Yes. And also too, your career does not determine your mission.

All right, so we got to make sure that we understand just because you're successful in your career. I know a whole lot of people that's super successful in their career and they're so objective. so having your mission and your vision has to be in alignment that she's willing to submit to that fellows. That means that you need to submit first and then that's when somebody can submit to you. That's right. All right. So know what your vision is. It's not your career. Yes. All right. It's something God gives you a purpose and alignment. And if you need a book about that.

Go look up The Way of the Superior Man that can help you out a lot. know, it's a really We had to try to get that author and get all four of us back with the author. I will answer my lady, stop looking for what's wrong with them. Stop looking for perfection. Stop looking for perfection. You know, we all are work in progress, you know. He might need a little help, you know, in the department, like I said, any department. might not know how to make eggs. to me, listen to me, listen to me, other side.

Erika And Dayo (45:02.558)
I was just about to mention that book.

Erika And Dayo (45:09.164)
Yeah

Erika And Dayo (45:13.802)
Yeah! This looks great! Yeah!

Erika And Dayo (45:24.518)
I'm ready.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (45:30.029)
You know what, we keep looking at a word called potential, right? Well, the other side uses a different word. They look at projection. All right. And they know that they're seeing somebody that just need a little polish and they're going to work with that person to really, really get to where they need to be. Right. But we look at those types of things and say, well, know, he already needs to meet or exceed me. That was my slogan. Yes. And unfortunately, that comes from a term called hypergamy. And that means that you need to be on my level or above.

Erika And Dayo (45:33.932)
Mm-hmm.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (45:59.82)
Well, at this point now we got to redetermine what that really means. Well, that's why many of us wind up by ourselves, you know, with.

Erika And Dayo (46:05.097)
Yeah. I mean, and the other side of it too is like, are you on that level? Are you on the level that you requested and you requested it?

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (46:08.779)
Come on. They not Erica, you know they not. Man. They ain't on that level at all. They on level zero, but somebody on 10. But you know what?

Erika And Dayo (46:17.355)
Yeah, know, yes, I hear women say he has to be fit. He has to go to the gym. You're not that like so how are you requesting that from somebody? You know, there's a delusion that is a gift to

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (46:23.331)
man. Nah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (46:30.765)
You know what? That's what we got church for. They go up in the church and they get that Sunday morning prayer and they said, drink your water. You're working out. It's like, no. But they live in the Dulululand. They live in the Dulululand because again, Erica, like you said, are you even meeting some of the things on your checklist? No, they ain't. They just being an adult.

Erika And Dayo (46:48.268)
Yeah. You know what I'll say is and it's going to be fairly high level mankind is 250,000 years old and the way that we're dating and mating right now is extremely artificial, especially for our people are melanated people. Right? There was a hostile takeover where we was doing our thing. We was one with guy. You can call it perfect and perfect, but we have been doing it the longest and then any other group on the planet.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (46:59.586)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (47:04.724)
in

Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (47:13.271)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (47:17.366)
Right.

Erika And Dayo (47:17.48)
And when this hostile takeover came on, the goal was to take us out of our mind and was to disconnect us from what it was that had made us so prolific. So what we're doing is we're living in this era of artificiality, this era of superficiality to where the stuff that don't matter, they're making it from mainstream. how the enemy wins because we're not procreating for the right reason.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (47:25.108)
Yep. Yes.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (47:31.723)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (47:38.281)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's right.

Yep.

No.

Erika And Dayo (47:46.156)
We're doing things that's stopping us from procreating. We're doing the things that keeping us when as a father and a husband and a leader, I can't describe what turns on in you when you know the seriousness spiritually of what this is, the response. I have a whole soul that I'm responsible for. We got two souls that we created. So now I look at the world different. I need my ironman to be better. I need

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (47:49.143)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (47:55.245)
Mm-hmm.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (48:02.829)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (48:07.617)
That's right.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (48:12.353)
Yeah. Yep.

Erika And Dayo (48:15.532)
I care about politics. I care about the things that are going to affect my children and my me after I'm gone. We don't have that perspective anymore. Our perspective is somewhere down here where I just want to look good on the book. I want to look good on the ground. until we figure out like until we get to that richness of what this union is, the richness of team, the richness of a true Super Bowl, a true championship.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (48:18.102)
My hand.

Yeah.

That's right.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (48:29.601)
Math. Man.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (48:35.713)
Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (48:44.14)
What does the championship look like for a marriage or for a union? And if you don't have something substantial, you're gonna fall for all the superficial stuff. And that's why we talk about the divorce because you didn't go in it with deep roots about what this is supposed to be. And can we make that popular again? It's, know.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (48:44.449)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (48:49.515)
Love it.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (48:55.287)
Yeah. Yeah.

That's right. No, were, were. Listen to me, they were, they were going, they were going in there for the highlights. Now I got, until we make it popular again. So give me, give, if we want to give people who are looking for love, but don't know how to do it in the right way, in the right magnitude, what would you give advice now for people who are on outside looking in saying, Hey, what do we need to do to get ourselves in alignment to actually attract the right person?

Erika And Dayo (49:10.292)
Yeah, we're gonna make it cool again.

Erika And Dayo (49:30.156)
wanna say one thing is important is to, you have to love yourself first. You have to have that relationship with yourself first. Again, because if you don't, then you're always gonna charge someone else on the other side for your happiness or your security, where happiness and security has to come from you first. And if you don't have that, he can't give that to me, you know? That's an inside job. Yeah, that's an inside job.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (49:34.871)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (49:38.944)
Mm-hmm.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (49:45.069)
That's right. Yeah.

Okay.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (49:56.002)
Mm-hmm.

Erika And Dayo (49:56.428)
And I'll add to that, purpose. Like, why are you here? I know it seems so far removed, but of all the sperm that could have impregnated your mom's egg, that was the one that did it. don't even, like, I think we, need to take for granted the power of that magic. Like, there is nothing talking to that sperm. There is, it has its own inner power.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (50:08.077)
Yeah. Yeah.

Gallo deep, this one, we gotta get deep.

Yeah

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (50:25.002)
So when it connects with that egg, our creator, there's a purpose, there's something there. So kind of to piggyback what Erica's saying, that look in the mirror, why am I here? Why am I here? What is this world supposed to get because I'm here? And then once I know it now, if I know what that is, what kind of partner do I need? Right? So if we don't have something that's bigger than us, that's bigger than you, that's pulling you.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (50:25.228)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (50:29.227)
Yeah. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (50:34.785)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (50:40.567)
Yeah. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (50:45.771)
Yeah. Yep.

Erika And Dayo (50:51.244)
to create something that wouldn't be here if you weren't here outside of just having a house, a car, a cute stuff It's not deep enough. Don't do it. If you don't want to get that deep, don't do it. It's not worth

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (50:51.394)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (50:56.609)
Yeah. Right. Yep.

Yeah, like that.

Yeah.

So what you're really saying is that we need to start operating on a higher frequency because right now we on low almost off. We don't know why we keep attracting low vibration, right? Because we all in the low vibration right there, right? Yeah. Come on Erica. So we always say that.

Erika And Dayo (51:12.908)
100 % 100 % We're nursing Zemo vibration

And that's the other part. You are what you attract. You are what you attract. you have... So that's a lot of times I'll hear friends or single women that I know in my circle and they're like, all these men are trash. The dating pool has piss in it. Why are they in front of you? Why are they in front of you? Yeah. And like, why do you keep attracting that? Because I'll say this all day. I have never attracted a toxic man.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (51:36.076)
Yeah

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (51:41.353)
Yeah, yeah. Well, you tried. Man, well, you know what though?

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (51:53.613)
BOOM!

Erika And Dayo (51:53.9)
I've never attracted a man who's wanted to do wrong to me. That's not my experience. I lead with peace. I lead with my authenticity and my love. Yeah, I'm a support system. Like my man, I'm always gonna gas my man up and be his cheerleader. And so therefore, you know, I've always been rewarded with people who want to take care of me. It feels good. That feels good. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (51:57.547)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah

Yep.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you are. You really are. Yeah. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (52:19.627)
Yeah

Look at that. You see he's swaddled up in the chest. You see he felt good. You know what I heard though? I heard the true essence of femininity and masculinity. Erica has that. Femininity and Dior has the masculinity. They have it down pat. And that right there is a good synergy, a good balance of the scales, if you will, because I remember when I was attracting foolishness. I'm like, but I had to really do look in the mirror because I said, Samantha, why do you keep attracting?

Erika And Dayo (52:24.928)
Hahaha!

Hahaha

Erika And Dayo (52:47.148)
You

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (52:50.271)
foolishness or men that didn't want to commit because I was non-committal in my life, not just in relationship, but just where I was. I'm like, okay, I was flighty. So I was attracting flighty men. And when I started realizing that, and when I knew that I start professing, like literally I said, I'm ready to be a wife. I want to be a wife. I met Luther right after that. And that, and I'm glad that you are, Your frequency. My frequency, it totally changed, but I had to do the adjustment to the frequency.

Erika And Dayo (53:09.974)
No, no. Your frequency change. Your frequency change.

Erika And Dayo (53:19.756)
That part. That part. That part. Most women don't want to, they don't want to do it. They want to keep going. Where something wrong with him or something wrong with him. Do not make a mean. If you don't get to that mirror and get that ugly conversation over with, look at your good, your bad and ugly. I don't think there's anything bad about any of the three. It just is. Own it. Now adjust what you got to adjust in the name of attracting that right partner. Simple. Simple.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (53:20.041)
Hmm, yeah, you know

do we know? Yes, I'm on it. Yeah.

Yes!

Come on.

Yes.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (53:39.659)
Right. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (53:46.158)
Yeah. Yes. Yeah. But you talk, but see, the thing is you talk about that's a hard order for some, but but you talking about accountability and in this generation, everybody lacks accountability, right? And they wonder why, and they wonder why they have not been able to move past a lot of situations. They'd be stuck in neutral. Man, listen me, or in reverse. Look, I got this one quick story. Like when I got healed and I got back into the data market, the one of the things that kept driving me nuts is I would meet all these women.

Erika And Dayo (53:51.393)
I

That's another one.

Erika And Dayo (54:00.362)
Yeah. Yeah? Yeah?

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (54:14.925)
And for some strange reason, they were so much still in trauma that they could not believe that I was a man who was centered and core up and a believer in God and knew what I wanted. Yeah. thought something was wrong with you. Exactly. See, and they were too good to be true. And they had to do the circle back and all this other stuff. And it's like, you know what? That's your trauma talking. Because at the end of the day, if you are healed and ready, you will be able to receive instead of reject. And so at that point,

Erika And Dayo (54:28.05)
He's had too good of a show. Too good.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (54:44.109)
I think that's when I started to notice a light bulb clicked off in my head is that we're all still living in our inner self, you know, for trauma that we have not healed from. And then we started doing all of it, bringing all these other people into the drama. So what I would like to say, you know, and in this, uh, I got one more question. know, go ahead. One more question. What would you all tell your younger married sales?

Erika And Dayo (55:04.588)
Hmm. I'll let you go first. I was gonna let you go first. You're like the younger version of us when we got first got married.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (55:08.435)
Yeah, that was a one.

Erika And Dayo (55:15.756)
I would say it's hard to say like be patient because I was patient. I was very patient. Because patience is very and I think that's another thing that a lot of people lack is the patience. Everybody wants finished products right off the bat and it just doesn't work that And we were guilty of that in beginning too. It's natural right? You say the I do's, you live with one another.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (55:21.515)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (55:39.617)
Yeah. Yep.

Erika And Dayo (55:44.416)
You mean this, these four walls where you live is supposed to be where you can be your most authentic self. Now you got another soul that you love in that dating field and you loved out there. Now y'all both in here being y'all raw itself. And it's like, stuff. Like I gotta adjust. can't be too wrong. So, you know, but, but I will, if there's something I could say to myself,

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (55:44.503)
Mm-hmm.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (55:49.495)
Right.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (55:58.734)
Man. Right. Oh, Lord. Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (56:13.792)
And it didn't take super long, but just trust your gut. Be completely vulnerable. I'll tell Erika this, especially us 80s, 90s, baby, we grew up on the R &B, we grew up on the sitcoms. The Love Jones, to the Martin, everybody did everything perfect as we were downloading and consuming these media. And the irony was most of these people weren't living that life behind the scenes, which we know now.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (56:17.751)
Yeah. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (56:25.234)
Right. Man.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (56:30.998)
Yes?

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (56:35.841)
Yeah

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (56:39.233)
Yep.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (56:42.739)
Absolutely. Yep.

Erika And Dayo (56:43.818)
Right. But my point is there was this era of perfection, right? So then you it's easy for us guys. this is what I'm supposed to say. This is this is how I'm supposed to move. This is how suppose and I think we have to be the ones to write our own narratives. I actually asked this question to anybody that we're having this conversation with if you can write the narrative to your life before you come out, what would you write? But this is the caveat. It can't look like nobody else.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (56:47.457)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (56:52.181)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (57:03.244)
Yeah.

Yeah. Yep. Yes.

Erika And Dayo (57:11.4)
It can't look like anything you've ever seen. So now that pure energy or that pure story is really what you're supposed to submit to because that can only come from what? One place from that creator. So if you submit, if you trust that and don't try to live this life that Uncle Phil was living, don't try and live like be as perfect as Martin. Don't try and be a, you see what I'm getting at? Like who am I entrusted and know that it comes from a pure space. So I'll say the beginning of my marriage.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (57:11.433)
Yes!

Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (57:18.401)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (57:22.143)
That's right. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (57:29.975)
Man.

Right.

Erika And Dayo (57:40.606)
I was trying and I'm a pretty authentic person. I sucked at it. I wasn't a good actor. She used to act like, like, why aren't you happy coming in the house? And it's like, it just, I'm doing all the right things. It just doesn't feel the most authentic. I don't feel like I'm doing it a hundred percent my way. I think owning who I am, owning who you are as a man and you know, women being okay with just hearing it and giving them a chance to present that.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (57:46.091)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (57:53.334)
Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (58:06.091)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (58:08.468)
It's either for you or it's not. It's really that simple. You know, so I just think trust in your gut. don't want to live in an artificial culture. We're responding to somebody else's will on us. So in the name of surviving, we've assimilated and we've lost ourselves. So yourself is really what's going to hold you down in this marriage and in this union or anything that you don't commit to that's bigger than you. So if there's something I could tell myself, trust my gut. It is okay. It comes from a good place.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (58:16.725)
Yeah, yeah. We do.

Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (58:24.065)
Yep. Yes. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (58:30.315)
Yeah, 100%.

Erika And Dayo (58:37.644)
It's either for you or it's not. If you work for it's cool. If it don't cool. And I think that would be the main bag. I mean, it took some time and then we're there and this queen, she was like, Oh yeah, I rock with you. It's authentic. It's coming from good. What's your with women too? It's like, you know, being in that heel space so that, you know, he can come to me. He literally can come to me and tell me anything. And I'm not snap for a trip or get an attitude about it.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (58:37.751)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (58:41.836)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (58:51.401)
Yeah. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (59:03.042)
Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (59:06.988)
Because at the end of the day, you have to take a step back and say, like, one, it's what it made me feel like a criticism, it comes from a place of love. He wants the best for me, you know? So why would he come to me with something that is going to hurt me or harm me in any way? And I think it's just important to realize that, you know, about the person that you choose to be with or the person that you're looking for. I think society has done such a great job of training

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (59:12.853)
Right. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (59:20.397)
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (59:32.108)
Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (59:37.34)
women and men in the space where men don't feel like they can be honest because next role and when she might hold out on you because you get punished like the people that are present exist and if you you do that you should be married you shouldn't be in a relationship period because I Should be the soft place the land right when you walk through that the world is already hard on a black man, right?

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (59:41.185)
Yep. 100%. Yeah.

Yeah man.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah, right.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (59:57.377)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:00:01.09)
Yes. Come on, Eric. Yep. Yeah. That's right.

Erika And Dayo (01:00:05.932)
It's already hard to be a man. I read the book, Way of the Superior Man, and know, I've, the ladies need to read it. The best way to understand men is to read and to look at resources and understand that we're not the same. We operate completely different and it's totally fine. And it doesn't mean that you're not good enough. It doesn't mean...

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:00:10.029)
Yeah. Tell the ladies to read that. some. That's it.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:00:20.405)
Understand. That's right. No, we're, it is okay. Yep. You're not lesbian. Nope. Nope. Right. fear you. We just different. Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (01:00:33.311)
You're not inferior. I don't want to be like, I don't like all the things they got to do. Like, I I like being feminine.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:00:40.972)
Man, no. I don't need to, I want to be feminine. I want to be soft. And we talk, I'm a girl too. And the whole, new word, we're just a girl. Let's say we are just a girl. And the thing, Erica, the new word, the soft life, you know, that's the term they got out here, the soft life. They say they want the soft life, but what you have to do to, you got to submit to get the soft life. But you not.

Erika And Dayo (01:01:06.57)
What?

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:01:09.485)
downplaying yourself, but you are willing to do the things to live in your femininity. Well, I'll tell you this much. be just a girl. I hear so many people say, well, you know what? I'll be feminine when the right men show up. Well, there you go. And so what you're noticing you're hearing now is it's too late already. It's too late and you ain't. So what we're saying is you have to practice this stuff before you get here. Yeah. Not on the job training. They won't. All right. They want to be on the probationary.

Erika And Dayo (01:01:12.62)
No? No.

Erika And Dayo (01:01:22.188)
No! Too late! Too Too late. Anyway.

Be it, live it. And that's what we're drawn to. You know, we're spiritual beings first. There's something inside of us that dry. I kind of look at the body. Like the Bible says, the body is the temple, but there's a spirit behind it. I'll tell Erica this story. was this young lady that, you know, on paper, not the most attractive, right? And the way she used to smile from the inside out.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:01:39.904)
Yes.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:01:43.648)
Right.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:01:47.691)
Yeah. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:01:55.724)
Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:02:00.387)
Wow.

Erika And Dayo (01:02:00.868)
it did something. was like, I was in high school. was like, inspired me. was like, what am I feeling right now? What is this? Because her eyes would light up her, her shoe would laugh on the inside out. And it was like, it was like blissful. It was blissful femininity. And I was like, but you know, I'm not typically, it's not really my type. That's not how I like it. But my point is if women leaned on that and could stop

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:02:03.435)
It inspires you. Yeah. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:02:13.751)
Main.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:02:18.881)
Man.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:02:22.519)
Yeah

Erika And Dayo (01:02:28.576)
leaning on this superficial stuff. I'm not saying don't do anything, know, get your back, whatever makes you. But do it on your spirit though, right? Make sure that spirit is authentically glowing. When you do that, is undeniable.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:02:30.413)
Right. No. Yeah. Yeah. Put on a little rouge, put on some gloss. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Work, work, work from the inside out. Yeah. Yes. And you know what's up? Contour that spirit, put a little highlight on that spirit. Well, you know, because here's the thing. You'll hear, you'll hear so many women say, you know what? Uh, where'd you meet him at? You know, there's a scarcity of me another guy. You know what it is?

Erika And Dayo (01:02:47.382)
Thank you.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:02:58.429)
men are attracted to femininity. So the more you are feminine, you will have this radiance about you that will attract that masculine energy. And you could dress it up. You can do all the things that your money will afford you to do. But if it's not on the inside of you, it's going to start pouring out. You haven't met somebody so cool till they open their mouth and they'd be like, dang. know, and so we are definitely talking about from an interior perspective. we also wanted to make sure that we wanted to talk to

Erika And Dayo (01:03:00.864)
That's the energy.

Erika And Dayo (01:03:17.164)
it right there.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:03:28.061)
intact married couples who are happily married, not just fake stuff. And we wanted to talk about the ins and outs, the good and the bad, because at the end of the day, we want people to understand that is, you know, the side that you need to be on is the side that we're trying to preach. On the winning side. we can actually, we can actually build our community again, because right now we are so fractured and thinking that we can do this by ourselves, but in reality we can't.

Nope. I want to thank Erica and Dio for coming on being our first ever guest on our podcast. We gotta do this again. Yeah, we'll definitely do a part two. And I just want to say guys that we are grateful that you guys are in our lives. That's what we really are. You know, because at the end of the day, know, iron sharp and iron and we try to do as much recruiting as possible to get our black community back together. Because first, first you heal yourself.

Erika And Dayo (01:03:58.154)
Thanks for having us. This is so fun. Yeah, what's the death of this again? like this. It's a vibe.

Erika And Dayo (01:04:21.26)
Yes sir, that's it. Start with the fam.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:04:23.927)
First you then you go ahead and you cover your family. And then outside of that, we need to get back to community. Erica told me to hang around married women and I latched on to her. Yes, there you go.

Erika And Dayo (01:04:33.356)
You know Sam, I always use you as an example to my single friend who just can't get it together. And I say, listen, I have this friend, I was like, my friend Samantha, was like, she asked me when I first met her, how do I, you know, how do I, how do I get what you got? want, you know, a version of what you have. And I was like, hang out with the people who have it. Like.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:04:38.155)
Apparently.

huh.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:04:53.121)
Yeah.

ashamed to say it either. No. I wouldn't. That's right. Yes, they are.

Erika And Dayo (01:04:59.308)
Because married people, married women are going to talk to you different. We're going to give you different truth. We're going to drop. mean, successful people leave clues, right? When you listen to someone who's successful in something, they always are dropping a clue or a nugget or gin about how to get it. And so once you change your environment, and you told me, you and I, went to Wishbone and had brunch. And you were like, you know, you're like, I

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:05:08.533)
Yep. That's right. Yeah.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:05:14.733)
Yeah. Yup. You just got to be open.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:05:24.781)
So do you.

Erika And Dayo (01:05:28.182)
I was hanging out with wives and then six months later, you's a wife.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:05:34.422)
engaged. Yeah, I was, but I wasn't ashamed to even admit that to Erica. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm somebody who, thank you for, thank y'all for that. And I'm somebody who, if it, when you look at it in the whole social media, the perceptions that we have of people, you will see.

Erika And Dayo (01:05:38.88)
That's only key.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:05:51.564)
did have pride, but I knew I'm like, I said, you know what, I'm willing to sell out for the love, but not sell out in a way like, you were, you know, that comes with negative connotation. But I knew that I had to readjust to get the adjusted life that I wanted. And I just wasn't ashamed. I had no pride in that, you know, because pride will keep you stuck. And I knew that I had to be unstuck. And so when you open your heart and open your mouth and the things that you profess,

Erika And Dayo (01:06:00.055)
Yeah, we will.

Erika And Dayo (01:06:06.39)
Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (01:06:12.788)
It will.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:06:21.325)
When you start saying it and speaking it, watch your life change. Yeah, because if you want a husband, what you say, you say, I'm a wife. said I was a wife. Hey, listen to me. I knew it. That'll scare all the people who ain't really about Scared that brother that was big chocolate, that blackened his shirt. That brother turned white when I said I'm a wife. And he said, oh. Oh. So the lesson in everything is profess it, believe it. He wasn't a husband. And see it, right? And that's it. All right. So, all right.

Erika And Dayo (01:06:23.251)
yeah.

Erika And Dayo (01:06:29.822)
Yeah. Very climate.

Erika And Dayo (01:06:39.564)
Too much.

Erika And Dayo (01:06:45.963)
Yeah, I used to live it I used to just feel the vibration of being a wife I I never it was never a day in my younger life that I didn't know I was gonna be a wife I was like I'm gonna be one day I didn't even worry about it I was like it'll happen when supposed to the thing about me is I didn't care if it happened at 25 or 35 or 45 and I just wanted it to be the right situation and I knew that it was gonna come to me

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:06:57.473)
Wow.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:07:05.003)
Yeah. That's right.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:07:12.767)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Erika And Dayo (01:07:12.876)
God knew I wanted children. So I knew it wasn't gonna happen like way later, you know, I had no but Yeah, yeah, and people want to act like that doesn't exist it does it exist. Um Yeah, but I just I didn't move that way, you know, and I didn't do that thing with guys where it's like Oh, I don't want to do this because that's too much. No, I'm gonna be too much if you bring me too much

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:07:17.325)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we got to be honest, it's the clock. You you got to be honest.

It does. We can talk about that another day too. And Veecho ain't cheap either, by the way.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:07:38.19)
Yeah. Yeah. Eric, because you meet the guy. Yeah. Come on Erica. Cause you know women, say, well, I ain't really looking for, you know, not right now. And you attract not right now, Nate, you know, and that's what happens. to me, a man with a purpose is going to be a person who is going to come into your life and be direct. And you're going be over here like, he moving too fast. No, he is just moving with a purpose. Intentionally. Intentionality. That right there is key.

Erika And Dayo (01:07:41.804)
I'm a patient too.

Erika And Dayo (01:07:48.972)
Yes.

Erika And Dayo (01:07:58.538)
Yep.

Erika And Dayo (01:08:02.004)
Intentionally. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. That's it. Yeah. Thanks. Man, we're going go for hours. We're going to go for We're safe for part two. We're safe for part two. We're running back.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:08:07.117)
I enjoyed you all. know we can like, we have been in person. Yes. Yeah. We're going to a part two of this. Let's talk about our relationships. We're glad to have our friends, mentors, confidants to do our first ever guest appearance. We don't have them back again. Thanks for showing up for our fifth episode. showing up for love and for loving each other. 12 years.

Erika And Dayo (01:08:25.824)
Thank you for that.

Erika And Dayo (01:08:31.404)
Always. Especially for our people. Always.

Lets Talk About It - EP 5 (01:08:34.603)
Yes, because guess what? The only thing we're going to do to be able to fix our community is start with love and end with love. There it is. There it is. All right, y'all. Appreciate y'all. McCarthy's much love.

Erika And Dayo (01:08:41.044)
Yeah, that part. That's it. Appreciate y'all. Love y'all. Peace.