EP 148: When your business becomes your identity - what are you really avoiding?

Your business was never meant to define you—it was meant to amplify who you are. But what happens when it becomes your whole identity? Let’s talk about why this happens, what it’s trying to tell you, and how to break free.

Welcome to Alive and Thriving, where we dive into the deep, transformative work that helps soul-led entrepreneurs thrive from the inside out. In today’s episode, we’re tackling a topic that so many high-achieving women secretly struggle with: when your business stops being a passion and starts being your entire identity.

If you’ve ever found yourself working harder to prove your worth or avoiding deeper emotions by staying “busy,” this episode is for you. We’re exploring why this happens, the toll it takes on your emotional well-being, and the steps to realign your business with who you truly are—so you can create sustainable success from a place of ease, not exhaustion.

Key Takeaways:

1️⃣ Why Overworking Is Often a Coping Mechanism:

• It’s not just about being passionate—it’s about avoiding the hard stuff.
• We dive into how unresolved emotions, like grief, fear, or unworthiness, can manifest as “busyness” and how to start addressing these patterns.

2️⃣ The Warning Signs Your Business Has Taken Over Your Identity:

• Chronic burnout, physical symptoms, and a disconnect from life outside of work.
• How to recognise when “hustling” has become a mask for avoidance.

3️⃣ Reclaiming Your Identity Outside of Business:

• The importance of unbecoming the version of you tied to overworking.
• Practical steps to reconnect with who you are beyond the titles, the milestones, and the endless to-do lists.

4️⃣ Healing From the Root Cause for True Freedom:

• Why emotional processing, nervous system regulation, and subconscious reprogramming are essential for sustainable success.
• How healing the root cause can unlock more creativity, energy, and fulfilment in both life and business.

Reflection Questions:

• What emotions or experiences might you be avoiding by staying busy?
• Who are you outside of your business?
• How would your life and business shift if you gave yourself permission to slow down and heal?

If this episode resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. DM me on Instagram at @‌jessica.read.ilc and share your biggest takeaway from today’s episode.

If you’re ready to go deeper and do the work to heal, release, and rebuild your business in alignment with your true self, explore my private mentoring or the Transcendence Mastermind. This is your invitation to step into your highest expression of success—one that honours your well-being and amplifies your impact.

Transcript

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Are you a soul centered entrepreneur ready to step into your power and create a life and business you love? Welcome to the Alive and Thriving podcast, where host Jessica and industry experts explore how your inner world fuels your outer success. Let's dive in and ignite the embodied leader you were meant to be.

squadcaster-99dh_1_12-10-2024_145933: 0:27

What if I told you that throwing yourself into your work, pouring all of your energy into building your business, running your business, expanding and scaling your business to the point where it becomes your identity? Soul identity where you don't actually know who you are outside of this business. What if that might actually be a form of avoidance? A coping mechanism that has been developed by you at some point. Let's unpack in today's episode, what it could really be happening when work becomes your identity. And more importantly, how we change that. Welcome to alive and thriving. This is a podcast for solid entrepreneurs who are ready to transform from the inside out. My name is Jessica Read. I am your host. And today we are diving into a topic that is at the core of so many conversations that I have, particularly in my private client space. Okay. And this is the topic of when your work. Becomes your identity. My question to you is what are you really avoiding now? You might be thinking no, I just, this just happened. I love my job and I've thrown everything into it because it's my passion and that's fine. This episode is not intended as an attack for anyone who really genuinely loves their identity being. Intertwined with their business, but this episode comes from years of working with high achieving women, coaches, healers, other service based businesses, product based businesses who are brilliant at what they are doing, what they do, what they are doing. I don't know which one I want to say who are brilliant at what they do. But they find themselves stuck in this cycle of doing and striving and proving. And they are asking, why does it feel like I have lost myself in this business? Why does it feel like my worth is tied to my success? So I wonder if you have ever found yourself caught in this cycle of doing more, working harder, believing that your next big win will fix everything for you only to feel more disconnected than ever when you achieve it. If that is the case, this episode is for you. And so is my private healing space. My private bespoke mentoring space, where we get deep into the subconscious truths that are keeping you stuck in this attaching your worth to your work, to your identity, where we emotionally feel and heal and reprogram. Everything that has been suppressed that you have actually numbed with your business, because the truth is when work becomes your identity, it is actually often a coping mechanism for something deeper. And I want you to really start thinking at the point where I threw myself in, what was that for? And it often starts from a really positive place. We have this dream, we have this passion, we're excited, we're in love with what we're doing, we are so fine with our late nights, and we're fine with all of these weekends and things that we're pouring into our business because we love it, because we're making a difference, because we've got a business to get off the ground, but somewhere along the way, the lines blur. And that drive for success becomes a way to avoid what's really going on inside of you. Oh, now this may not be everybody, but I haven't worked with someone who hasn't been impacted by this conversation. If they are coming to me and there were their identity is entwined with their business. So before we dive into the heart of today's conversation, I want to invite you to really pause and to reflect. Are you using your business as a distraction from emotions that you don't want to face? And I have been guilty of this too. Sometimes when my anxiety has become really heightened and my body feels absolutely awful and it's in these states of emotional distress, these states of panic, I am so aware that anxiety is a messenger. I know it is, but sometimes I'll catch myself instead of paying attention, asking questions, Figuring out what this messenger actually is about. I will distract myself. I will go and I will create a new offer. I will build a website. I will I will play around with things that are literally not important for my business at all, but I'm working hard and I realized that I did that because as soon as my mind was distracted, I felt better. So I was doing this to avoid these uncomfortable sensations in my body. Not because that particular work needed to be done. When was the last time that you truly felt connected to you outside of the roles that you play in your business outside of motherhood? What would it mean for you? If you're a mother, what would it mean for you to build a business that actually amplifies your wholeness rather than one that consumes you? These questions are at the heart of the work that I do with my clients. So today we are going to now begin to explore why this happens, how to recognize the patterns in yourself, and most importantly, how to reclaim your sense of self while still being yourself. Building a thriving business now, as we get into this, if you feel like you want to dip the toe in and start to maybe explore what, if there is a limiting belief, if there is something that is programmed inside of you, that is ready to shift, then you might like to check out my becoming limitless. It is an online immersion. It is only 79 Australian dollars, and you actually get a 30 minute call with me at the moment. As I record this, that may change. As a bonus part of that process. So if you feel like you want to just dip your toe in, that might be a really beautiful way for you to start. So let's just start with the fact that this always starts from a good place, but it becomes something else. Most of us start our business with a really positive motivation. We want to make an impact. We want to create freedom. We want to do meaningful work. We want to support our families. But for so many women, especially high achievers, especially women who have identified with perfectionism, women who feel like they always need to be doing in order to be successful, in order to be loved, accepted, to prove themselves, whatever your reason behind your high achieving is, that drive for success can morph into something unhealthy. So this often will look like things like filling every gap in your schedule, saying yes to projects or clients that drain you constantly striving for the next milestone, without pausing to actually celebrate how far you've come to live the life that you are creating in the in between, or to feel the things that are going on for you. In life, as you were running your business. Now, we may talk about this. We'll talk about this a little bit later, but that is often because we have this, mentality that it's I don't have time for this. I'm building a business. I don't have time to grieve. I'm building a business. I don't have time to deal with that rejection, with that loss, with that hurt, with that frustration. I don't have time to feel this. I need to make money. And the thing is, though, we can become so tied to our business that we actually lose touch with the woman that we are behind it. Your worth feels tied to your productivity. And that's when burnout can come in. That's when illness can come in. And so often we've spoken before about energetic, emotional components behind illness. But so often. We will keep pushing through that, even though this cost on our mental health, our physical health, our emotional well being, our spiritual well being. This is the cost that we are paying. This is what it costs us to throw ourselves in as far as what we do. So it's really important to be aware of this. I would actually really love for you to take five minutes today. To really journal on it or, meet with your coach or your healer or your therapist, or start working with me and let's chat about this. What is my business giving me that I feel like I can't get anywhere else and what am I avoiding by staying busy? Are you avoiding something? Why are you staying busy? Is there a need to prove something behind that? Is it, that story? Because we know that society has celebrated busyness for far, too long. People wear it as a badge of honor. So whatever your reason is. Having awareness to this is going to be the first step in changing it. So the next thing that we're going to look at is the emotional patterns beneath the overworking. So in the nature of the work that I do, people often will come to me in the space of burnout. They come because they have run their body and their mind down so low that they don't know how to climb back out of it. And sometimes that comes in illness and panic attacks, or sometimes it's just the doctor telling them that they have burnout. Sometimes it's something they've recognized within themselves. Sometimes it's being highly emotional, making mistakes, feeling highly stressed. However, you're recognizing it within yourself. That is often my people are reaching out to me. They're reaching out to me reactively. Okay, not proactively. And so I have seen this over identification with work. It often stems from emotional runes or patterns of avoidance. Maybe that could be fear of sitting with difficult emotions. I cannot tell you how many people I have met who have experienced a grief or loss and rather than allowing themselves to quote unquote fall apart through that or that uncertainty. That trauma that challenge they throw themselves into work and so maybe that comes from a belief that you're only worthy when you're achieving maybe that comes from the fact that you feel like if you fall apart in those moments you won't get put back together like your business will fall apart if you fall apart. I remember saying to my mentor when my best friend passed away, she's like, how can I help you? How can I support you? And I was like, look, I'm going to fall apart right now, but please just don't let me not come back to my business. But I need to fall apart. I need to fall apart. I need to feel these feelings. I need to grieve. I need to fall apart. And I never believe I'm broken. I never believe anybody is broken. That is a belief that I carry. We are not broken, but I do need to fall apart to put my mosaic back together. And so what I have seen so frequently is that these women are having these emotional challenges and rather than allowing themselves to feel that for what they are. Whatever reason that may be, and sometimes it's literally also because that discomfort that comes with that is far too painful. And we don't know how to have a healthy emotional experience. And that is a part of what I'm here for. I'm here to help you find safety in the depth of that discomfort. As you feel that, and as you process that, and as you allow your body to move through the motions and the emotions that it needs to, so that you can show up on the other side of that. As a better business owner, because ultimately when you, allow that to process. You will show up as a better leader, but what is happening in these moments is your nervous system is in overdrive. It is keeping you stuck in this fight or flight cycle. Now, I'm, if you are not new to this podcast, then you have heard me talk about fight or flight a lot, but if you are brand new and you're not exactly sure what fight or flight is, fight or flight is a sympathetic nervous system state, which is basically another way of saying. Our brain believes that we are under attack and our body is responding as such. Okay. So using the proverbial tiger, the metaphor that everyone has probably heard, you are let's say you're out and you're hunting, you're gathering, you're a deer and you're out. And then there is a tiger, right? And that tiger, Is danger. So what happens, your body releases all of these stress hormones, cortisol, adrenaline and it pumps it out to the parts of your body that are needed to fight off, to fight or flee. And so you have this moment where it's I'm going to either fight off this tiger, I'm going to flee from this danger, but then when you're in safety, that system switches off if you're a deer, you go back to foraging, eating, I don't know what you're doing if you're a deer, I don't even know, I've never even seen a deer, but hopefully you're getting what I'm saying, but as humans, our fight or flight response It doesn't end. We don't have these ends of our cycle because our tiger is in our mind, it's in our thoughts, it's in our emails it's in our running late, it's in our expectations, it's in our traumas, it's in our memories, and all of these things continually showing up are telling our body that we are not safe. And so your nervous system is in overdrive. It is literally just trying to keep you alive and keep you safe. And this is what's happening when you're going through an emotional challenge. Your nervous system is in overdrive. And this makes it really hard to actually step back and truly connect with yourself outside of your business makes it really hard to feel safe in feeling the big scary things that you're feeling at that point in time, because there is nothing comfortable about emotions like grief. There is nothing comfortable about anxiety. There is nothing comfortable about chronic stress or panic attacks. There's nothing comfortable about that. But when these unaddressed emotions don't go away, they manifest in other ways. Like burnout, physical illness, strained relationships. And so this growing sense of disconnection as well will also manifest because it's a disconnection from the very life that you're trying to create. From even from the business that you first stepped into create as well. So I want you to start asking yourself, because this is the point, like this is the one that has driven me to record this episode. This is the point that I have to seen time and time again. We throw ourselves into work to avoid something emotionally, and that becomes our coping mechanism. It becomes the only way that we know how to cope with these emotions. And so then that becomes a bit. That becomes an ingrained way of being and of doing, and we forget how to be. We literally forget how to be, and then work becomes our soul identity. But the thing is that your body is screaming at you along the way, to stop, to listen, to slow down, to pay attention, to feel the emotions that you need to process. And because we push those aside and we just keep going, and I'll deal with that later Oh, I'm stressed today, but I'll keep going. I'm anxious today and I'll keep going. Because we push that all aside, I don't have time to feel that anger, I don't have time to feel that sadness, I don't have time to go through all of the different emotions that come with a grief experience, then we end up unwell until the point where the body is screaming at you. And sometimes, and some of this I found with some of my clients, is that by the time it You know, there is a lot of recovery to be done then physically, mentally, and emotionally, which is why I commented earlier that so often people are coming to me reactively. I suggest that you start looking proactively as well. Because your business should reflect you, it should not define you. One of the biggest shifts that my clients experience is that realization that they are actually so much more than their business and that we have to actually become willing to find out who we are outside of the business. Because so often their business has been created with these beautiful intentions of building a life of freedom or being able to laptop lifestyle, be present with their family the financial, have a lucratively financial business. There are all of these amazing goals that they have. But once we've attached our identity to our business, and once we've thrown ourselves in so deep that we literally can't see a way out, then what happens is we have become far detached from the things that we actually valued to begin with, from, the whole purpose of why we created that business. And we're in a cycle where we're in a cycle where the business is actually consuming our life, and the business is this full integration. With who we are and what we do rather than it being something that actually fuels a purposeful life. And if you are someone who loves your business so much that it's I'm so happy for that to be 80, 90 percent of my life, that is fine, if that is healthy for you. But in these situations that I'm speaking about right now, that was not the intention. The intention was that the business was going to feel something bigger and that this, these people wanted a life outside of it. But instead they've ended up so entwined with it. They're not co creating with the energy, which is something I teach in business energetic foundations. They're not co creating with the energy of their business. They have fully intertwined themselves with their business. So when your work becomes your identity, it's really easy to lose touch with the woman behind the success. The more connected you are to yourself, the more aligned and magnetic your business actually becomes. I'm going to say that again. The more connected that you are to yourself. The more aligned and magnetic your business becomes. So what does this look like? And I know you're going to say, this is easier said than done. I'm a little bit too far in. It's fine. It's fine. You can get back out. But this looks like things like giving yourself permission to pause, teaching yourself how to feel that it's safe to feel, to ask questions like, who am I outside of what I do? A little bit like when our kids are transitioning, maybe from being in that like newborn, I need mom, that early toddler stage. And then they're at school and it's Oh I'm still mom, but who am I? Maybe you're stepping into empty nesting. Who am I? A little bit like that identity shift. I want you to ask yourself, who am I outside of what I do? I nearly got caught here and love what I do. And I find working on my business so, fun, but who am I outside of what I do? That question challenged me. So this isn't about you just throwing yourself into some self care. It is actually about self discovery because who you are outside of what you do is going to build who you authentically are. It's all going to feed into that and sharing that with you is going to build such beautiful, deep connection with the people who you are serving. It's liberating because when you connect with yourself or reconnect with yourself or connect with this version of you, who you are now, it's Your business starts to feel lighter, you will make decisions from a place of alignment, not of fear. And you attract clients who value your energy and value your expertise, not just the results that you deliver. So I would really like you, I would encourage you I always have to give you an action step to really create a space this week to reconnect with yourself, go for a walk without your phone and just be in your mind, even if that feels really scary. Journal or what lights you up outside of work or what used to light you up. What felt magical for you as a child? What felt fun? What would fun look and feel like now? Start exploring who you are beyond the roles that you play. And then start exploring how you release the patterns and rewire your inner world. Because this isn't going to be magic quick fix. And I'm not pretending that this is easy. Some of the women that I have worked with in this space, it has been months and months because we have had to go through this inevitable drop. When we start feeling safe in our body and our fight or flight response starts to realize that it can switch off and we're okay. What can often happen is we become unwell, our energy drops dramatically. There are, challenges to go through to do the work always. This kind of healing is long term. It is not a quick fix. And I'm sorry if anybody tells you it is. Oh, I would personally question that because it is multi layered. It is rewiring. It is releasing deeply suppressed emotions that have not allowed to be felt for years. And then it's your body learning how to readjust without those emotional vibrations living inside of you. And then it's learning to rebuild new habits, new thought patterns, new ways of being which impact your way of doing. So releasing the grip that your work has on your identity. This is not about you doing more, this is about you undoing, and it's unbecoming. You peel back the layers of that conditioning that has taught you to tie your worth to your success. We peel back the layers of the emotions that have been ignored, suppressed. I promise you, they haven't just gone away. It's not funny. They haven't gone away. They're still there. I promise. This is how I support my beautiful clients in this work. We do this through EFT to release emotional blocks, through hypnosis to reprogram limiting beliefs. I have been so blessed with this gift. To be able to get to the depths of the root cause to support deep emotional processing, because this is for your business. Yes, but it's not just about your business because the ripple effect that comes from you healing the woman behind your business and then coming into your business with a whole different mindset, with a different narrative, with a different nervous system state. That is going to give you a level of success that your current self now may only be dreaming about. So I would like you to ask yourself now, what belief am I ready to let go of in order to step into my next level self? Because this is the work that transforms everything. What emotional challenge am I ready to face now and feel in order to heal? This is the work that transforms everything. This work of releasing, reconnecting, healing, growing, shifting your mindset, all of the things that come along with this process, it is not easy. It's not, and I'm not going to lie and tell you it's comfortable either. It's not. It's not, but it is the most important work that you can do, not just for your business, but for yourself, for your family, for your quality of life. If this episode resonated with you, then I would invite you to come and explore how we can go deeper together. I have bespoke mentoring where I will meet you where you're at with either a three month or six month container, depending on what your nervous system needs. I have a beautifully supportive mastermind space. We create space for you to release these patterns, rewire your inner world, and step into this woman who leads her business from a place of alignment and ease. These containers are designed specifically for sole led entrepreneurs who are ready to meet their edge to heal deeply and to create lasting success without sacrificing your wellbeing, your family, your quality of life, your nervous system health. We hustle to the health of our nervous system. And if you need help healing the damage that has been done in the past, leading into where you are, then I can help you with that. If you need help preventing this from ever happening again, I can also support you through that. So I think the best way to figure out which container may be right for you is just to come onto Instagram and say hello. There are shown in the show notes below, there are links to my programs. You can explore how we can work together. But we can literally just have a chat in the DMs and just see if I'm a good fit. See which program might be the most supportive for you based on where you are at right now. So I want you to remember that you are so much more than your business. So let's reclaim who you are and let's create your business that amplifies your wholeness. Let's see it for today's episode. I loved being in your ears today and I cannot wait to connect with you again next week. And as always, I'm here to support you to have a healthy emotional experience in your business journey to fully embody that version of yourself who gets to hold what it is that she wants to bring in that she desires to bring in. To create those internal resources, the beliefs, the nervous system state, the emotional wellbeing that is going to actually allow you to embody her fully. So until next week, I will see you then have the most amazing week. And thank you for treating me today.

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That's a wrap on today's episode. Feeling inspired to explore your inner world and reach your full potential? We'd love to hear from you. Subscribe for more, leave a review and share your takeaways on Instagram at jessica. reid. ilc. Until next time, keep thriving!