EP 164: Why proving yourself has become your business's biggest block

There comes a point in every high-achieving woman’s journey when she realises:

The addiction was never to productivity.
It was to finally feeling like she was enough.

We overwork. Overgive. Over-function.
Not because we lack clarity- but because our nervous system has equated success with survival.

In this episode, we explore what happens when you stop trying to earn your next level, and start allowing it.

We go deep into:

▪️ Why the need to prove is wired into your nervous system
▪️ How childhood conditioning created your overworking patterns
▪️ The hidden cost of staying in a proving loop
▪️ How to rewire your nervous system for presence, not performance
▪️ The key identity shift that unlocks sustainable, soul-led success

This episode is a sacred reminder:
You don’t need to prove your value.
You don’t need to hustle to deserve what you want.
You are already enough.

And when your body believes that—everything changes.

Reflection Questions:

• Where am I still proving instead of allowing?
• What belief about rest or receiving is ready to be released?
• What would change in my business if I no longer needed to be “enough” to succeed?

The next round of Ascension Academy is coming.
This is the recalibration for visionary women who are ready to build and create high ticket offers from nervous system safety, not emotional survival.

Resources:

https://jessicaread.com/offerings

https://jessicaread.com/resources

Transcript

0:01

Welcome to Resource with Jessica Reed. This is the podcast for visionary entrepreneurs who are here to build a thriving business and luminous life, fully resourced from the inside out. Here we unlock the magic of inner alignment, emotional mastery, and energetic strategies, so you can lead with clarity, confidence, and ease. This is your space to shed what no longer serves you, embody your highest potential, and expand into the next evolution of your business and soul's work. You are meant for more, and it all starts here.

Jessica Read: 0:47

Here is what changes when success stops being something that you have to earn and starts being something that you allow. Now for most high achieving women, the addiction isn't to productivity, it is to the feeling of finally being in. We overwork, we overgive, we override our body's need for rest. And not because we are unclear of what we've gotta do or even unclear on the fact that we need rest, but because deep down our nervous system doesn't feel safe unless we are proving ourselves. So in this episode, a resource with Jessica Reed. I'm gonna show you why more output will not heal your self-worth and the nervous system shifts. That is actually going to create sustainable success. So inside this episode, you will hear why the need to prove is wired deep into your nervous system, how childhood conditioning and emotional memory fuels overworking. We can chat about signs that you are stuck in a proving loop without even realizing it. That was me. I did not realize that I was stuck in this need to prove myself. We are going to talk about the nervous system recalibration that unlocks your next level and the number one reframe that frees you to create and to lead and to rest without guilt. So let's dive in. So how did proving actually become your default? I wanna be really clear. I don't believe that this is about willpower. This is about biology neurobiology to be exact. Your nervous system was shaped from your earliest experiences, and if your worth was ever made conditional on grades, on behavior, on achievement, on helpfulness, then your body has learned that output equals safety and love. So it makes sense now that even as a conscious driven entrepreneur, you will still equate success with pressure, with performing and with perfecting. Oh, that I say that and I still get a feeling in my body because that was me, and in some levels it still is. I'm still breaking through this layer by layer because that younger version of you, she's still in the driver's seat when this is happening. There is an inner child coming to the window of your mind and she's there and she's got the wheel and she's just believing she's running your business and she's believing if I do enough, then they'll see me. If I succeed, I'll be safe. If I rest, then I will fall behind or I'm lazy. And this is what I call emotional addiction to proving. It is a loop wired into your nervous system where rest feels dangerous and overworking. That feels noble. So what I would really like you to take away from this and, I've really just let this land, you don't need to earn your next level. What you do need though is to feel safe enough to receive it. Because there is a cost of chronic proving. Proving might feel productive, but actually it is really depleting you. And if you are honest, you've probably felt it. You've probably had the launches that leave you feeling energetically fried because you did everything right, but you felt disconnected. You've probably been overdelivering to the point of resentment in low ticket offers that no longer light you up. You've probably been been in a constant content creation that just feels more like survival because you have to be doing this in case your business tanks rather than a beautiful self-expression and authentic connection with your audience. And you've probably been saying yes to things that you have outgrown or that you don't have the energy for because you don't wanna be seen as selfish and you're avoiding conflict at all costs. Now all of this is rooted in a nervous system that is still seeking approval, still chasing enoughness, and the most painful part, even when you hit your goals, that feeling doesn't last in this stage because your identity still doesn't feel safe to hold it. And this is where the work must go deeper within you. This is why all of the strategies that you're piecing together in your business, they're not lasting. So put those aside for a minute and let's completely turn inward because you need to rewire your subconscious patterns from proving to presence, to already being enough and healing this pattern. It doesn't mean that you just magically do less. But healing it is about doing what is rooted already in enoughness. This is the work we do in the Ascension Academy. Okay. We do this through a unique blend of subconscious rewiring, nervous system regulation and emotional embodiment. Okay? We are not just doing mindset work, we are doing a full identity recalibration. And I wanna break down what this recalibration looks like from the lens of my Energies of Success framework. You've heard me talk about this framework before. It is the underpinning of. Everything that I do, and if you can just master these three energies of success, then you will have a scalable, sustainable, successful business that you can actually hold sustainable being that really key part. So under our align pillar, we are tracking where you are building from contraction instead of expansion. Your proving patterns show up here. Your body flinches at rest. This is your signal. Pay attention to what your body is telling you. In our clear pillar, we are releasing the subconscious stories that say Your worth lives in output. And we do this through different types of somatic work. Through direct work with your subconscious and through emotional release, we give your nervous system a new reality to anchor into and define safety into'cause that is really key. And then under the leverage pillar, once you are building from wholeness, then we can bring in a line. Strategy goals, offers pricing. High ticket offers leadership all from clean regulated energy, not from the energy of proving. Because the energy of proving is still rooted in a scarcity energy. Your next level is not going to come when you prove that you deserve it. It is gonna come when your body believes that it is safe to hold it. So let's pause here for a minute because I would really love for you to tune into yourself. You may like to use these as journaling reflections. You may like to just spend a moment, close your eyes and place your hands on your heart and just check in. Let's do a tune in here. Are you still in this proving loop? Do you feel like you panic when things slow down? I. You have a perpetual never ending to-do list often that you're looking at validation from as well. Do you know, can I tell you something? I I love how I asked that question. We're listening to a podcast. Oh yeah. Jess, you are gonna tell me anyway. I joined a mastermind four years ago, and in the beginning I was coming in. With my ideas, with my launch plans, with everything that I was doing, sharing everything that I had achieved, and you've probably heard me share before that I can go through phases where I barely create, where I'm in that emotional low, where the energy behind the thing is not there, and then the energy comes, I'm in alignment, and I can create more in one or two days than most people would do, I don't know, in a month, honestly. And what I was doing though with all of these things was I was coming into my mastermind and I was sharing this all, and I was almost looking for approval. I was looking to prove my worth in that container. I was looking to prove my worth as a holistic therapist. At that point, I hadn't started business mentoring yet because I didn't believe that anyone would wanna learn from me. So I want you to feel into what happens when things slow down? What are you trying to prove and who are you trying to prove it to? What happens when you keep launching even though you're exhausted? This is a sign that you might be proving. I cannot tell you how to run your business model, but I know for me. And for my season of life and for what I have experienced recently which I've opened up a little bit on, I was gonna launch the Ascension Academy at the beginning of the year. And I believe in timing in so many different layers. And at that point in time, my nervous system needed a break. I had some C-P-T-S-D that had caught up with me. And I needed space. I needed to pull back. I needed to honor my nervous system's capacity, which is exactly what I did. I didn't keep trying to push through it. There was still a part of me in the back of my mind that was having all of these stories about my ability to help people about what people might think if I didn't keep showing up. And I did, again to my capacity. And I've recorded a whole episode on the systems that I have in place in my business to allow me to continue to show up when life is happening. But my point is, if you are still in that proving space, you may be continuing to force yourself into launching even when you're beyond exhausted. Now, I can tell you from deep personal experience that there is a capacity to what your nervous system will tolerate. There really truly is a capacity. So I actually allowed myself, and this came with little moments of, oh, okay, this was in your income plan, like this was in your revenue plan. What happens if you don't make that revenue this quarter? All of those kinds of questions were coming in for me, but it was really important that I actually went no, I'm gonna embody what I preach. And I'm gonna allow myself to pause on this launch. Now I am launching as I record this, I am launching the Ascension Academy. It is a refined. A refined version of my Embodied Entrepreneur program really narrowed in for the woman who is ready to have the wealth identity, the visibility identity, and the unwavering self-trust to create and launch high ticket offers. So excited to deliver it. This, I'm launching this in six weeks as I record this, and the fact that I didn't launch. Out of fear, scarcity, and desperation at the beginning of the year because I had to honor what was going on in my body. It was a really beautiful sign to me that I'm breaking that proving loop because what did I have to prove? What does pushing yourself beyond your body's capacity and capability to the point where you may end up burning out so badly that you can't even function? And yes, I've been there. I have been there. And so I say this from experience and from so much love. It's not worth proving yourself to that capacity. So some other signs that you may be still in the proving loop is that you are feeling resistance to charging more even when you deliver massive value. What are you trying to prove? And this, oh my gosh, the Ascension Academy is gonna help you so much in this space. Or maybe you're worrying about the fact that rest means failure. These are all signs that your body is still looping through that old pattern, and not because you're weak and not because there's something wrong with you. You are human. You are having a human experience. But in terms of the beliefs, the core beliefs about yourself and your self-worth, they are currently being operated from outdated programming. It is like you are showing up with these beliefs that were programmed in 1988, and you are bringing that Windows 1988 and trying to run your business from it. It is not going to work. Okay? Your system, your nervous system, is loyal to safety. And safety means what it knows as familiar. And if what you knew as familiar was proving performing, then that is where your pattern is looped. But. Neuroplasticity tells us that we can rewire our nervous system. We can rewire our neuro pathways. We can learn to think differently, to feel differently, to be different if we choose, if we identify that, that particular belief, that paradigm, all of that is clouding the lens of perception of how we're operating our life and our business. When we identify that, is now limiting to us. So for you, if you are here identifying that it is time for you to create a new safety one that doesn't require you to prove yourself to be worthy, I wanna remind you that you don't need to earn rest. You don't need to earn. You don't need to earn it. In fact, rest is a core requirement. I wanna say that again. Some of you were just laughing at me. Yeah, I've got 2, 3, 5 kids, I run two businesses. Rest is not possible. Yes it is. You need to find a way to prioritize rest because for you to be that mom, that business owner, your body needs to be at its best and rest falls into that and you don't need to earn it. So I've been through this in a couple of different phases, where, and I love personal development, like it's one of my favorite things to do. What do you like to do for fun? I like to listen to personal development podcasts and learn about new spiritual tools and all these all these fun, all these really fun things for me. Growth. So fun. But. What I was doing was I had developed a story, particularly as I started hanging out with some really high level people. I started to tell myself that rest in the sense of, I don't know, wanting to just hang out and watch Desperate Housewives wanting to just binge something, just literally just switching off that, that was lazy. Now, nobody ever told me that everyone has their own version of what rest is. So on my rest days, I was actually learning more, doing more. And whilst I enjoyed it and it was fun for me, it really wasn't rest. And so I wanna give you an example of my day yesterday, which still in some ways felt a little bit uncomfortable, except that at the beginning of this year. When I was telling you before, my nervous system was at capacity for what it could tolerate at that point in time. What I really, realized was I had this deep desire to just pull back and not just rest, but like deeply, rest, and deeply just do nothing, give my body a chance to recover from survival mode essentially. From things that were still anchored into my body in different layers, even though I had dealt with the first few layers. I love how everything comes in layers and it comes up when you are ready to move through. It comes up when you are ready. I wanna say that again, comes up when you are ready to move through it. And for me, my subconscious knew that I was ready to break some lifelong patterns, and that's why I've ended up in that space. So yesterday, okay. I ended up working on Saturday. Not because I needed to, but because I was in one of those energetic, I'm gonna create something. And I did. So last week I created over a three day period, I had created my whole She Holds wealth program. It is a 40 14 day money mindset and pricing energetics program. It's gonna be ready to go out next week. In those couple of days, I recorded the whole audio program. I created it all in my online platform. I delegated for my va. I wrote out all the workflows for her to go and automate. I placed that offer in my trip wire. I've planned the emails, I've written all the sequences I have written, all the follow ups I have done. I've written the sales pages, like everything that I often needed. I was able to do as well as set up more workflows in my business. I've been having so much fun playing around with this new platform that I'm using. DME, if you wanna learn more about what it is an all-in-one amazing platform. I have gotten rid of Kajabi, my contracts, my forms oh gosh, I'm saving myself about$6,000 a year. By being on this platform. But that, I digress. My point is, my choice was because I was so excited and we had the space within my family, I was so excited to create this. So I was creating, I worked on Friday, which I don't typically work on. I worked on Saturday. I worked well into the night'cause I was just so excited about this. Sunday came along and I knew, okay, I've reached my capacity now. My energy has drained from it, but in a very satisfied way. And so my day yesterday, we, I got up with absolutely no rush, no voice that says You need to be here, you need to do this. You need to prove something. No. I just got up and took my time. Then we took the kids down the oval and I thought, you know what? I won't do a workout later. I'll do a workout while we're here on the oval. And I did it in a way that felt fun for me. And then we came back home and I was like, what am I gonna do for my afternoon? The girls had a friend over, my partner had a friend over, and I thought, I'm gonna watch and first of all, I'm gonna do a Zumba class'cause that felt fun. And then I'm going to just spend the afternoon watching Good American family. And that was it. That was my whole day, and by the end of the day I was just so zoned out with the tv, but in a way that actually felt a little bit indulgent for me. And then I ran a bath, and then I spent an hour and a half in the bath. I don't need to earn my rest, and I didn't rest because of the work that I did. I rest because I chose to, just in the same way that from January right through to March, I pulled right back. And I rested because that's what I needed because I chose to. So there was no, I'll stop when I rode my energy. Now, in previous weeks to that, my energy might have stopped after just one day of creation. Might have stopped after an hour of creation because some days I just don't have that energy there, and I'm not meant to have consistent access to that. I need to ride my wave. So when it does come. I write it, it's fun. I've got the energy for it, but if I don't, I have nothing to prove anymore. I have realized that me trying to prove myself is an unhealthy expression of a center. I actually have defined in my human design, I have consistent access. I don't need to prove anything, and I don't need to earn my rest. If I need the rest, I will take it. And that has been a huge, paradigm shift for me, particularly this year in a whole new level and a whole new capacity. So I want to really, the whole point to all of that story was that you don't need to earn rest, and you don't need to hustle to deserve success. You already deserve success. Say it with me. I already deserve success. I am an embodied entrepreneur. I do not need to earn rest. I already deserve success. I do not need to prove my value through my output. I get to feel safe receiving. I get to feel safe being seen. I get to feel safe showing up without pressure or performance. Yes, you do. And that is the work that we do inside the Ascension Academy. It is sacred recalibration. For the high achieving woman who is done building from survival, ready to build from belonging within themselves, ready to own the identity of the woman who holds the impact, who holds the identity, who holds the wealth recalibration of the woman who brings in high ticket offers. If this speaks to you, if you are ready. To do the required energetic and emotional pre-work to creating your high ticket offers, then join the wait list for the Ascension Academy. You are going to be offered an amazing, discount around$800 off the program. If you are on the wait list, you'll be the first to access the next intake that is going to be in just a few weeks time. The link is in the show notes to the wait list. And if you are listening to this beyond, pop yourself on the wait list.'cause again, we'll relaunch. And as I leave you today, I wanna remind you that your success does not have to cost you anything, especially not yourself. You are already enough. I see you next week.

24:02

Thank you for tuning into resource with Jessica Reed. If today's episode spoke to you, I'd love for you to share it with another soul led entrepreneur who is also ready to rise. Make sure to subscribe, leave a review, and stay connected because when you are deeply resourced, you become unstoppable. Until next time, my friend, stay resourced. Stay radiant and trust in the magic that is you.