EP 187 - The nervous breakdown I didn't see coming - and how my business thrived regardless

There’s a point where your body stops whispering and starts screaming.

In this soul-baring episode, Jessica takes you behind the scenes of a deeply personal unraveling - a nervous system breakdown that interrupted a thriving business, challenged her identity, and ultimately became the catalyst for a profound rebirth.

This isn’t a story of burnout. It’s a reckoning.

Jessica shares how years of unprocessed trauma, emotional suppression, and survival-mode success led to a full-body collapse. From panic attacks to agoraphobia, and a 10-month internal winter, she walks you through what it really means to heal from the root - and rebuild your business from safety, not stress.

Inside this episode:

• What happens when your business keeps growing… but your body shuts down
• The truth about emotional resilience vs emotional suppression
• Why loving yourself enough to pause can be the most profitable decision you’ll ever make
• Identity collapse as a sacred portal, not a failure
• The invisible ways trauma patterns shape our visibility, pricing, and pace

This episode is raw, real, and radically honest. If your nervous system is asking for a different way to lead, start here.

Searchable Moments:
[00:01:00] Nervous system collapse in the middle of business growth
[00:04:00] The breakdown that became a nervous system awakening
[00:06:00] Leading through shutdown: surviving success
[00:09:45] Identity death and energetic rebirth
[00:14:20] The cost of emotional avoidance in soul-led business

Transcript

0:01

Welcome to Resource with Jessica Reed. This is the podcast for visionary entrepreneurs who are here to build a thriving business and luminous life, fully resourced from the inside out. Here we unlock the magic of inner alignment, emotional mastery, and energetic strategies, so you can lead with clarity, confidence, and ease. This is your space to shed what no longer serves you, embody your highest potential, and expand into the next evolution of your business and soul's work. You are meant for more, and it all starts here. You know that saying the breakdown comes before the breakthrough? Yeah. There was a time where I really rolled my eyes at that as well until recently. Now, this year my nervous system said, do you know what? We are done surviving, and I found myself smack in the middle of a full blown nervous system breakdown. And what comes underneath all of that from here, streaming it down, identity collapse, physical health, emotional capacity, everything that came from that. And let me tell you that one, it had been a long time coming and I feel like I'm finally ready to open up and talk to you guys about it today. I will not share the reasons why at this point, because they don't just involve me. The reasons why, they involve other people. They involve my children, and so what I will share though is my experience of it, because on some level I know that if you are here in my world, you are going to resonate with some part of this. So at first I fought this. This was the second thing I really wanted to share. I fought it. I fought it, I resisted it. I could not see at the time, a part of me knew that because of the deep, deep-seated beliefs that I have that I've spoken to you about before. Because of why I'm here, because of part of that, that even in my human design, you know, to, I'm here to help transmute, struggle into purpose. Struggle into strength. And so there was this part of me that really knew that at some point I would be on the other side of this, that at some point there would be so much growth, so much power, so much impact. So much life for me to live on the other side of it. But when I was in it, when I was in it, in this nervous system breakdown, I was in the depth again of panic disorder. Now you've heard my story before. You know I've been there before. I was in the depth of agoraphobia. Now if you know what acrophobia is, then you know how terrifying and painful it is. You know what a mental fuck around it is if you don't know what acrophobia is. I'm gonna paint a picture for you as I tell you a little bit about what I've been through this year. What I wanted so badly was to come out of the cocoon, like I could not see at so many points throughout this year. That I was literally disintegrating into Cosmic Goo like I have been saying, and actively investing in myself, actively doing so much work, actively looking within, going first, doing all of these big scary things for so long now. And I'm like, I want this identity upgrade. I want this next level. And God has literally gone, okay, you know what? Here you go. You can have the next level. So let's completely break you down first. Now I am on the other side of this enough and just enough to now be able to talk about it. I'm on the other side of this enough to be able to share some parts of the wisdom. And also to be able to see that I'm actually really glad that this has happened, and I know I, I have recorded episodes o other times of cha, other things of challenges that I've had, how I deeply believe that the challenge leads to us being stronger. I still held that belief through this whole period of time. In fact. That is probably the only real belief throughout this whole period of time that got me through was being able to some part of me, even in the deepest, deepest, darkest times, some part of me be able to connect to that. So welcome back to Resourced. It's an emotional one today, guys. And if we haven't met, my name is Jessica Reid. I am a business mentor. I work with a Frequency first approach. I am the woman behind the Frequency Embodied Success Movement. I help entrepreneurs, coaches, and leaders recalibrate their energy and their identity so that they can lead, live, and earn from their fuck yes frequency. And today's episode is honestly one of the most personal ones that I have ever recorded. You guys know I am pretty much an open book if you listen. Uh, and today was hard and today was hard to talk about. And so I, I really, I wanna take you behind the scenes of my rebirth this year, the rebirth that literally broke me into a million pieces that rewired my nervous system and has reshaped now. Everything from me completely reshaped everything. So in this episode, you're gonna hear what really happens when your nervous system forces a pause, even when your business is still growing.'cause let me be really clear, this pause wasn't caused by my business. This pause was caused by something that, for the majority part, was actually outside of my external control traumas. Ongoing emotional challenge that felt completely inescapable. You're gonna hear how loving yourself enough to stop performing and start feeling can become the most profitable decision that you're actually ever gonna make. And you're going to hear the deeper reason. Breakdowns are actually identity recalibrations and why resisting them keeps you looping in survival. Oh, alright. So the first thing that I wanna say. Is actually start off by saying how proud of myself I am from the lens of my business. I still had a six figure year in my business. I was still able to support my clients. I still invested in my mentors. I didn't leave the mastermind that I was in just because I wasn't actually in the capacity to show up for what I thought might only be a month or so, but actually turned out to be nearly 10 months behind the scenes and what my, the closest people around me knew was happening. My body was actually in a full shutdown, a full shutdown, and it started, it built for a very long time, and as it had been building, I had been feeling, I had been dealing with it, but there were things going on in my life, things that, as I said, involve other people and so for their privacy, I'm not going to talk about it, but there were things going on that essentially led to me beginning to feel. There was one absolutely no escape from the level of emotional distress that I was experiencing, regardless of how many tools I had, regardless of how much growth I was having, regardless of what was going on for me, because it had gone on for so long and then there was this huge part of me that continued to, as I said, I dealt, I felt there's so many things that I've had to deal with along this way. But when you live in this space where it feels like that constant threat isn't going away, and it's been there for the majority of, I don't know, the better part of close to 20 years, at some point your body goes, I can't take this anymore. And this, this emotional distress built on top of. Traumas that yes, I have dealt with traumas that I have worked through traumas that are showing themselves in different layers now because of the layer that I am now, the level, sorry, that I am now ready to heal the level that I am willing to face. And what I really, really wanna say throughout this healing journey for me, particularly this year, is the level of radical responsibility that I have been willing to take. For my role in something that I have always blamed, that I have always perceived as being fully out of my control. Okay. I had to go deeper in my healing this year because my body forced me to. But also because I know I was ready to, and I think that's another really, really big point because the things that I have experienced through the re piecing back together of this have challenged every single thing that I believe about myself. It is breaking generational patterns that are deeply in every cell of my body. It is not just doing it for me, but it is also doing it for my children. So there was this point for me last year where things, as I said, started to become too much and I was really feeling like there was no escape from it. And that on top of all of the things that I was dealing with, the traumas, the grief. The physical things that were happening in my body from the level of cortisol that I was living in every day. I know I've spoken about that in a couple of episodes. You know, waking up with everything spiked so far through the roof that literally my body wasn't metabolizing the cortisol. So then what happens is I went into a freeze response. So I was watching over the course of a few months, this anxiety and panic start to creep back in. And that was there because there was such a clash in my values and what I wanted and how I wanted to live my life and what I wanted to experience, how I wanted to feel. There was such a clash between that and, and what was actually happening. And so that anxiety was creeping, creeping, creeping, and I'm listening to it as a messenger and I'm looking at the thing that I need to deal with going, this is the biggest, scariest thing that I've ever dealt with. I don't wanna deal with it. Surely I can just continue to heal until I couldn't. And then I got to this breaking point, and all of a sudden the panic attacks that I had been relatively free from. In the sense of, yes, they still came, but I could cope. I had tools, I could still live my life. They came back with a vengeance, and what I found from that then was that's the cycle that I got stuck in that fear, adrenaline fear cycle. My body became depleted in every sense of the word. There was SIBO in my gut. My hormones were so far out of whack because of the constant cortisol. My estrogen was not metabolizing properly, if that's how you put it. It just, everything was wrong. Every single essential mineral in my body was depleted. Everything, every single thing I had test after test after test, take about a thousand supplements. My nervous system was fried in every sense of the word. So when we think about a nervous breakdown, we think about it from the lens of physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And I was broken in every single aspect of that and the, and what happened then? Was I went into my body's way of coping, which is dissociation panic disorder, to the point where I was even scared to have a shower because of how intense the panic attacks were standing up like that feeling dizzy, Z. And so what happened from there? And this is the part that has been probably the biggest, one of the biggest challenges to move through. Was, it was no longer just panic disorder. It was the acrophobia lens that came in. And at first, let me say that, not leaving, not doing anything, having the space to be able to discern who I work with in my, in my client base, whether or not I take on more clients or not. Having the space to be able to actually step back for a little while from all of the morning duties and things like that, like that was a blessing. But it happened because I collapsed so badly that I couldn't, I couldn't do it. I couldn't do the things that I, that a regular human does. I couldn't do the regular mum things. All the things that I value being there for my kids. I was there for them, but at home. But being out. Being there at school, drop off and pick up. Like all of those things that I value that I built my business around being able to do. I couldn't do some of those things and I needed that for a little while. In fact, the first thing that my therapist said, she's like, how can you switch off from life for a little while? Can you just switch off from life for a little while? And so I said to everyone at home, I was like, this is what I have to do. Because at that point it was switch off from life or go and like commit myself. So I don't, I don't know if it would've been that bad, but that's what it felt like for me. Like switch off from life or, or go somewhere where you literally, you can't do those things because that's how depleted I was. That's how depleted I became from this fear response. From this fear response. But what then happened from there, because I was experiencing if I drove my car I mean, waking up in a state of panic attack and it just not going away. When I talk about being frozen, I'm talking about the inability to think function or even really move until lunchtime. I'm talking about waking up, wanting to throw up every single day. Being dissociated sometimes so dissociated that it's like, I wasn't even, I wasn't on this planet. That's how it felt. Anyway, that's how intense the panic and anxiety disorder got for me. The panic disorder got for me, and as I said, I've been there before and I've conquered it, and this time nothing that I could hold myself in was gonna move me through. And that was a really challenging thing for my ego. It really was because I was like, I have, I've worked through so much stuff. I've been here, I've always been able to, yeah, I've always been able to help myself and this time I just couldn't. There is, and it's for the best, there is the best team around me. From my naturopath to my psychologist to another somatic therapist that I was working with, to the hypnotherapy that I've done this year. To my family, there is the best team around me. And what I really just wanna say, and I know I'm jumping around a little bit here, but this is why I took the pressure. This was gonna be one of my most like. Financially expansive years. That was my plan. I took the pressure off myself for that. Okay. I took, I took the pressure off myself because I could still support, I could still create, in fact, the business and doing that. That was like my connection to Joy. That was the thing that I was like, this excites me. This lights me up. This is what's getting me through. I come back to the we are embodied entrepreneur beliefs that I shared with you guys last week, week before last three, and one of those is that we are no longer here to hustle through our wounds. We are here to heal them. Now, me slowing down in the way that I did, me taking off those massive growth expectations, me being able to let go of the continued story in my head, the one that was so fucking loud. They kept saying things like, you are a high level woman and you are not functioning like a high level woman, and everyone's gonna say that. Everyone's gonna judge you for that. Everyone's gonna leave your business for that. Like that's what was going through my head. So many points in time to be able to put all those things to the side and go, it's okay. This comes first. This comes from that belief. I was not here to hustle my way through what I was going through. I had to pause, I had to pause. I had to pause and remember that it was a season. It is a season. It is still a season that I'm kind of in that spring now and I'll, I'll get to that shortly. The other thing that I think really, really hit me through this process. Was just how much integrity I felt like I wasn't showing up with, even though I was, and I say this because I know so many of you, when you were in that breakdown moment, when you are experiencing the depth of humanity whilst also trying to run a business and be a mom and do all the things, there is this real guilt. There is this real like, oh, who am I to be helping people? Who am I? Well, guess what? I was here feeling the things and doing the work that it took, doing the things that I preach other people go and do. I was here doing that so that well, so that I could live my life from business perspective so that I could match the frequency of my business because that was the disconnect for me. My business was in this beautiful frequency, and it was me that was in the survival frequency, and that's okay again, season humanity. But I was doing this work so that I could live again. I was doing this work so that I could move out of the situation that had consumed me, that felt inescapable, that made my body go, do you know what? You can't escape this. Fuck this. I'm done. I'm out. We are literally leaving this planet for a few months. I, I need to do this work so that I can move forward with my life. So that I can live the values driven life that I deserve and that I desire and, and that I help other people to do as well. So I wanna say to anyone who's questioning like the integrity of what they do, just because they're struggling, stop it. Stop it. Let that story go. That story has to go out the window. Not only is it not serving you, but if you are actively helping yourself, then it's not fucking true. It's not true at all. So I spent the good part of the first, probably six months of this year, six months disconnected from the world, disconnected, slowing things right down, really leaning into the systems that I'd built, really leaning into my team, really channeling where my energy really went, who got the best of me, and what capacity I actually had. Leaning on support handing over things in my life that I never, in 10 years of being a mom, thought I would ever be able to hand over because for the last 10 years I haven't been able to hand it over. But it's amazing what kind of support comes around you when you collapse and you can't get back up. And it's a shame that had to come about that way. But again, there are lessons in all of it now throughout that journey for me. I think I said this earlier, and I know I've spoken about taking radical responsibility as an entrepreneur. One of the things that I really had to sit with and work through for myself is the parts of me that were keeping me stuck in this. There was a reason, there were core beliefs. There was parts of my brain design, parts of the way that I am, parts of these core, core systems that I function from that made me believe. That this emotionally distressing situation was inescapable and there was a part of me that I really had to sit with. And I know some of you're really gonna resonate with this. When you allow yourself to that, realize that part of me wanted, and I'm gonna say wanted because it wasn't conscious, but it was the goal. And if you've ever read the courage to be disliked, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I gifted everyone in my mastermind, that book at our virtual retreat. The goal was to keep myself miserable. Why? Because there was a massive part of me. That did not believe that I deserved better, and that part at that point in time was taking the lead. That part believed that I wasn't worthy of unconditional love. That part believed that I wasn't good enough to be taken care of or loved unless something was wrong with me. So I was actually getting a lot out of this collapse and the fact that suddenly. I collapsed and then I was getting the help that I needed and suddenly I was getting all of this, like, yeah, people were helping me. Like there was, there was all the things that felt like I had to do on my own. I suddenly wasn't, that just reinforced that story for me. But the biggest piece was really real. Well, not the biggest. There's so many big, I cannot tell you how many pieces they have come through over this time. That was the first piece that I had to move through. Was the fact that I had actually genuinely believed that I was I would get the love and attention that I needed if something was wrong with me, if I was unwell, if I was struggling, and then I had to face a part of me that, that loathed myself in a way that, again, didn't genuinely believe that I was worthy of actually feeling good, didn't believe that I was worthy. Of being happy. Didn't believe that I was worthy of not being miserable, and so I was addicted to keeping myself in that state to some level. And it's just, it's just been such an interesting journey. And honestly, like I said, all the layers, like I've gone through three journals just in the last couple of months. Everything that that has come up that I've worked through in between my therapy sessions that I've processed somatically. All of the bitterness and resentment to myself, to other people involved in this situation. All of the inner child work that I have had to do, every layer of it, every piece, I can see the purpose of it. And I think that's so helpful and I know that, that having, that is a gift for me. And so some people don't see that, and that's why it's not coincidence that I really help people in these spaces too, because I can see the gift. I can see why I've been through this. I can see the purpose. So this wasn't, and you know, yes, every part of me was burnt out because this was the clinical nervous system breakdown. A nervous breakdown, like let's call it for what it was. I'm not ashamed to say that now. I'm ready to talk about this. I'm ready to share. It was also an identity death, massive identity death, and like I said, the pause was driven by the fact that I deeply believe that we are not here to hustle through our wounds. And that was actually really reinforced for me just even on the weekend, that bigger ripple effect. If you can actually stop, not even stop, but if you can allow yourself to feel what you need to feel and experience what you need to experience and process it, even though. Yeah. Even though you know that it is deeply painful, even though you know it is deeply uncomfortable, even if you're like me and you're, you are completely dissociated and you've stopped driving your car because of panic attacks and, and all of the things, if you can do that, you are showing that is safe also for your children. I had a conversation with a child. It wasn't one of my children. I had a conversation with a child over the weekend. Who she was saying I, I think I wanna go and see a therapist. She wanted to go and talk to someone, but she was terrified of having to feel the things that talking about the problems that she had had would make her feel. And I could say, from my own experience, I promise you that it is harder to keep feeling them than it is just to talk about it and feel them in that moment. It is actually so safe. To do that and your body will thank you for it. In the long run, we are showing the next generation if we cannot hustle through our wounds, if we choose to not hustle through our wounds. So after I was able to have the space to literally take away those higher levels of stress in the morning where I could not think, cope, or function to move my business around and in a way that deeply supported me, as I said, we still turned over over six figures this year. That's amazing. Given that I was operating at about 5% capacity, imagine what's gonna be possible at a hundred percent. I hope you're all buckled up and ready for the ride. So my next big challenge through this has been the acrophobia. Now acrophobia is another extension of anxiety, of panic disorder. Agoraphobia is where you essentially fear the fear, so you fear the panic attacks themselves. You fear leaving the house because of that fear. You fear driving your car. You fear being in a line, you fear anywhere. And the reason for that is because your nerves are so, uh, what do you call it, aggravated that even just that slowing down at a set of traffic lights slowing down in a supermarket line. All of a sudden, your nerves that are so aggravated are going, Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. And we induce panic again. But when you have the acrophobia, you literally start to fear the sensations in your body. And that's where I was looping. I was looping in this fear of what was actually happening within myself. Looping the fear of the way that I felt in my head looping the fear of what was happening in my body and looping the fear of the fact that it's how I was feeling every day. It felt inescapable and honestly, at some point I was like, I imagine this is what going crazy would feel like. That's what I felt at some points. If I'm gonna be brutally honest with you, I imagine this is what going crazy would feel like. And that logically, I know that is literally just the flooding of the stress hormones. It's just a chemical response in your body. It's literally just your brain being flooded with stress chemicals. That's it. That's why it feels like you're going crazy because your logical brain has flipped open it's lid and, and your life is being run by a survival brain. I understand it logically, but agoraphobia is not logical. And so towards the end of August, I hit this point where I was like, I am at my rock fucking bottom like I have been. This is now eight, nine months of breakdown of little highs. I spent five weeks down the coast with my parents, and at that point I felt like my inner child needed to be held, and so I went to be held. I took my kids and we went to be, I went to be held and I was held by my parents. I was held by the ocean. I was held by nature. I started driving the car. I was more regulated. I was living my life again, going to all these different beaches and just being, and that was a real catalyst. That was a couple of months ago. And then I've come back and within eight days of coming back, the acrophobia just spiked again. It spiked, and it was a couple of weeks after that where I was like, I'm at rock bottom. I have just taken so many steps backwards, and I know that that's part of the healing process, but I took so many steps backwards and I knew that I had to do something different. I knew I did, but the thing about moving forward through panic and agoraphobia, and this was one of the biggest blocks that I had. The thing about moving forward through it is that the only way to move forward through it is to actually go into it on purpose. So what I mean by that is to actually induce the panic attacks and use your tools to deal with them. So there was this day, it was a Saturday, and I was like, okay, rock bottom. Righto, Jess, you've put on 10 kilos. You've just gone straight back downhill. You were, you know, you had a week of driving your car when you got back here, and now all of a sudden the panic attacks are back when you're driving and you know, you can't think again. And my brain was just so tired from the constant stress state. Like my brain was just so tired. I could barely speak. My hair was falling out this year. Like chunks of hair at the back of my head, like. I was tired, so tired, and somehow I'm still managing to look after myself in the sense of like the basics, the exercise, the nutrition, but I'd isolated myself on, well, it's really hard to be social when you're in that state. So I went looking for a podcast, something that would give me inspiration that Acrophobia can be overcome. And I was like, I'm missing something. I'm missing something. Like there's gotta be something else that I haven't done or tried that can really, you know, help me overcome this. And I found this podcast, and then that podcast talked about a book, and I listened to that book within about a day. I'm happy to send you the book if you are listening to this and you feel like you need it. It is very targeted to people with nervous breakdown, particularly from the lens of anxiety, panic attacks, and agoraphobia. And I listened to this book, and then I've actually listened to it three times since then, and I messaged my therapist and I was like, right, I'm ready for the exposure therapy. Something just switched inside of me. It was that moment where I was like, you know what, the only way through this is through this. And I sent my mom a message. Uh, no. She asked me how I was and I was like, I'm not I don't feel okay right now. Like, I feel like. I've hit rock bottom. Like I said, I'm 10 kilos heavier. I feel miserable within myself and I'm really coming to the realization that the only way through this is to go into the panic, to go into the fire. Like literally to make myself fear the sensations. Because if you've ever had a panic attack, you know. That in those moments, it feels like the world is ending, like it is the most intense, terrifying, doom inducing experience you can ever have. And here I am. Now going, okay, well I have to go through this. I have to actually put myself into situations that are going to bring up the panic. But in that moment, I clicked because I was like, I have actually, this has cost me too much now. I can't move forward in the emotional challenges until I am stronger. This has cost me too much. It has cost me almost a year of walking to school with my kids. My favorite thing to do. It has cost me almost a year of connecting with my beautiful friends, a year of more growth, more impact in my business. It has cost me a year of living my life, and I know how necessary it was. I know how deeply, deeply necessary it was. And as I said, I can see how the healing of, and the facing of, and the feeling of every single layer that has come from so far this journey. I know it's not over, but I can see how every single layer, every lesson, everything that I have faced and dealt with, I can see why. So I love that, but the only way through. Was to step into the fear. And I think that was the moment where I was like, yeah, this has cost me more, that I'm actually willing it to allow it to keep costing me. And there's a lens that I didn't look at this from until recently, as well as my, one of my mentor, Tracy, she said My favorite thing about my experience with you this year, Jess, is that you have loved yourself enough. To do what you need to do, and I just love that so much'cause it's just such an exhale for someone who is so high achieving such an exhale for someone who helps others succeed when she feels like she is deeply failed, although I know I haven't. But again, it's just this, those little stories, I've got them too. I work through these things as well. It's like, yes I did. I love myself enough to finally face. A challenge that is deeply traumatizing, deeply challenging, deeply ongoing, deeply cycle breaking here and, and, and do that. Yeah. I love myself enough to fit to do that. This is what healing looks like. Loving yourself enough to stop forcing and just let your body recalibrate. And what I really like, and it just is so fitting for what I do, and it's like, and it's so fitting for me, having to go through this shit first, like that six three and the Channel of Struggle and the channel of crisis thank you God for that design. It's so fitting that, here I am helping people through the rebirths and through the messy middle. And I'm going through this and I'm like, that cocoon that I was in that complete disintegration into that cosmic mush. It was never punishment. It's a space that my body actually needed to be able to rewire into safety. I, so at the beginning of September, I committed to 30 days of exposure therapy. Which involved putting myself into places, situations like driving a car, going to watch my daughter perform in her choir at the a IS with 3000 people. Put myself into situations knowing what was gonna happen, but using the tools that I had learned. And one particular process that I focused on, one particular process that I learned. It's very similar to, um, acceptance and commitment, what they teach in acceptance and commitment therapy. Using that process to stop fearing the fear and it's working and it's been terrifying because I literally have to go, okay, how am I gonna try and induce a panic attack today? And then it starts to rise and I'm like, I'm willing to feel this. It is such a mind fuck, I'm willing to feel this. It's okay. I notice my blame, my brain being flooded with stress hormones and I'm willing to feel this. And then I imagine floating through and I'm doing, and I disconnect from how long it takes to feel better. But you know what? That stopped that secondary fear on top of my very, my nervous system that was really struggling to regulate itself. Really, really struggling to regulate itself. That stopped that secondary fear. And so now I get to then focus on being able to, to self-regulate, which is beautiful. And so I, I've been driving my car, I have been doing other things, like even just walking, my, my kids' school has like 2000 people there at drop off and pick up. So I've been putting myself into those situations. And now, and I'm sharing this with you all now too, I'm no longer ashamed of, of what I've been through. And so you'll see me sharing things like, Hey, we are walking to school again. And for you, you're like, great. She's out in the sunshine walking. Everyone does that. And for me, I'm like, this is the biggest fucking deal ever because I am choosing to go out knowing all too well. That going into the situation could cause a panic attack. And I'm going to prepare, be prepared to, to feel it. And be willing to feel it. That's what true acceptance is. Willing to feel it. So I, I've been practicing my driving. I've think going, I've been social again. I've had these beautiful healings lately. I've worked with some amazing people. And what is coming now from this energy shifting? I can tell you what's coming now as I start to come out the other side of this, which I have only been able to do because I chose to face the fear and step deep into it, and I mean deep into it. As I'm coming out this other side, all these things are clicking into place for me. All these things. There is this part of me that I have reconnected to that I completely forgot was there. I am so naturally playful. I'm so naturally cheeky. I'm like the person who's jumping out from underneath the stairs to scare the shit outta someone. Like I am that person. I am the person with a really crude sense of humor. I am the person who is so intimately spiritual and safe and deep and nurturing, but also able to be like, this is gonna activate your fuck yes energy. Let's go. I am that person. And I had forgotten that I was, or not even forgotten. I just was so deep in survival. I was out of touch with that person. I was out of touch. And it's like I love the heart of me that has gotten me through to where I am. I'm so grateful for her. But welcome back, like, welcome back, how nice it has been to smile, to feel this energy, how nice it has been to start to live my life again. Like living has been my edge. This year. Going out doing things has been my edge. And now I am literally coming back into that purpose. Part of my purpose is to awaken the spirit in your body. And I feel like that has now happened for me, and I love that. And what I've seen as I've really like all these things have been clicking into place. There are these two amazing conversations that I've had. With a mentor that I'm doing one-on-one with work, work with at the moment. And one of them I went in,'cause I was in this moment too, where I was like, okay, now I feel really disconnected from my business, like what is going on? And I know that's because again, there is an energetic mismatch between the business and my identity. That's the work I teach. Like that's what this all is. And so I said to her, I was like, there's a disconnect. And she just gave me space to work it through. And I realized that the disconnect was the fact that I am supposed to be really talking about and sharing and in my messaging, in my core, everything like it is about going from in my world. And it's so funny because over the last two years, that is the offer ecosystem that I've built. I just never saw it come together until now going from the survival identities. Into the rebirth and then into the overflow. And that overflow is activated by your Fuck Yes. Frequency. And that is the frequency of, fuck, yes, I can charge this. Yes, I can do this. Yes, I am worthy of this. Yes, I am worthy of feeling good. I am worthy of being happy. Yes, I am worthy of holding this business. Yes, yes, yes, yes. That is the journey. And it's amazing that I've created this office suite and this ecosystem for my clients to move through this journey from the Ascension Academy, which takes you from the survival to the rebirth, to the Mastermind, which is taking you from the rebirth into the overflow, my private containers that is taking you from the overflow deeply, deeply into that Fuck yes, energy. The Mastermind takes you into that energy, all of that. All of that has come from the safety that people feel in my world to embrace their humanity, to know that this is a season and that this too shall pass. All of that. All of that plus. How I feel in my life, plus the decisions that I'm making in my life, plus the money that is flowing in, plus the regulated nervous systems of my children. All of that, every bit of it is flowing from me, breaking down, disintegrating into absolute caterpillar, goo all of it. And again, I know I'm not fully on the other side yet and I'm stretching myself bit by bit. I'm doing all the things that I preach. I feel so embodied in this work. It's been a really tough year and mentally like to, to know that you are going and facing the things that your body literally has a phobia of. And that those things make you feel like you are dying in every second, and that everything is inherently so deeply unsafe and doom and terrifying. That takes a lot of mental strength. And so I, I love that I can sit here and say, I'm so much fucking stronger than I think I am so much stronger. And this next chapter. As it continues to integrate, and I know this won't be my only rebirth, but gosh, I hope they're not all as challenging as these last probably five years have been, probably even longer, eight years really, if I really zone out and reflect on all the pieces of the story that I've shared with you guys, all the medical trauma, all of the things that I've had to face. The different occurrences of panic disorders, the different occurrences of car accidents and losing my best friend and, and all of these things. They weren't separate rebirths, they were all me. Getting into that cocoon this year has been the breakdown and that's okay. It's okay. I'm so accepting of that now. Yeah, I don't even know how to wrap up that session. I dunno how to wrap up this conversation today. That's what I've been experiencing this year. Real, raw, honest. It's been beyond challenging and in some ways some weird warped way beyond liberating as well. So I guess if you are in that cocoon, the best thing you can do is not to put a time on the rebirth, detach from the time detach and, and know deeply, deeply know that there is a purpose for this. And I know you might not feel like that in that moment, but there deeply, deeply is. And when you start to emerge, look, you even got, if you can, if you're on YouTube, you can see I've got the butterflies on my phone case to remind me of this. When you start to emerge, oh, the possibility is endless. It really is. Your business, your life, your voice, your impact will all carry a new frequency for you. And that's what this whole thing is all about. So thank you so much. If you are here still, if you listened to this whole story today I appreciate you. I appreciate you being here. I appreciate you tuning in every week. And, you know, let's keep going as the amazing, embodied entrepreneurs that we are and really build something so special. So I will see you all next week on Resourced, and if my story today resonated with you, please just come and say Hi on Instagram. Tell me what's been going on. Tell me about the cocoon that you're in. Come and say hi and, and let me know that sharing this big, scary, vulnerable piece of me. Let me know how it's impacted you. Thank you for tuning into resource with Jessica Reed. If today's episode spoke to you, I'd love for you to share it with another soul led entrepreneur who is also ready to rise. Make sure to subscribe, leave a review, and stay connected because when you are deeply resourced, you become unstoppable. Until next time, my friend, stay resourced. Stay radiant and trust in the magic that is you.