228. Why Grief Hurts: How Loss Shows Up in Your Body

Have you ever been deep in grief and wondered: why does my chest actually hurt? Why can't I sleep no matter how exhausted I am? Why do I feel like I'm getting sick all the time? If that's you, this episode is for you.

In this episode, I'm breaking down how grief shows up physically in the body and, more importantly, why it happens. Drawing from Dr. Mary-Frances O'Connor's book The Grieving Body: How the Stress of Loss Can Be an Opportunity for Healing, I walk you through some of the most common physical symptoms grievers experience, the science behind them, and a few gentle ways to take care of yourself while your body is doing some of the hardest work of your life.

Here's what we cover:
✨ Why grief is not just an emotional experience
✨ The role of attachment theory and how our loved ones were actually regulating our nervous systems while they were alive
✨ The difference between heartache and heartbreak
✨ How cortisol and stress hormones stay elevated long after a loss
✨ Why sleep becomes such a difficulty during grief
✨ How grief suppresses your immune system
✨ The gut-brain connection and how grief shows up at the dinner table
✨ Crying, including why it happens, what it does for our brains, and why I am a huge proponent of letting it out
✨ Five gentle, doable ways to support your body while it's grieving

Whether you're in the thick of early grief, years out from a loss and still noticing physical effects, or supporting someone who is grieving, this episode is for you.

📖 The Grieving Body by Dr. Mary-Frances O'Connor → https://www.amazon.com/dp/0063338904

📖 The Grieving Brain by Dr. Mary-Frances O'Connor → https://www.amazon.com/Grieving-Brain-Surprising-Science-Learn-ebook/dp/B093ZZ7HZY

🎙️ Episode 213: Grief Brain / Brain Fog → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/213-grief-brain-why-youre-so-forgetful-and-foggy-after-loss/id1688812587?i=1000763788105

Learn more about Letters of Light 💌✨ https://lossesbecomegains.com/letters

Transcript

Welcome to The Grieving Body

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to Morning Sips and Soul Shifts, the space on the podcast where we keep it cozy, we keep it real, and we talk about the ever-evolving things that we are constantly dealing with as we're grieving. Now, before we fully dig in, I want to apologize for my voice. It is not at 100%. I had a cold in the last week. My voice completely abandoned me there for a bit, and it is still on the mend. I feel like I'm like 80% there. So if I sound a little raspy, my voice cracks here and there. I'm so sorry in advance. Hopefully, by the next time I record, it will be better. But I wanted to get that out

Why Grief Hurts Physically

SPEAKER_00 0:37

of the way first. That all aside, I invite you to get comfortable because today we are talking about something that I think every single griever has experienced in some capacity at some point, but maybe didn't quite have the words for, or you perhaps didn't understand the why behind it or why a physical symptom of yours was happening. Welcome to the Life with Grief Podcast. I'm your host, grief and soul purpose coach, and fellow griever, Tara Accardo. So let me start by asking you this. Have you ever been maybe deep in your grief and thought, maybe like, okay, why is my chest hurting right now? Why can't I sleep no matter how exhausted I am? Why do I feel like I have the flu when there is nothing medically wrong with me, right? Like the list goes on. None of that is in your head. That is in your body. And today we are talking about why.

The Grieving Body Science

SPEAKER_00 1:36

And what sparked a lot of this for me is I have been reading Dr. Mary Francis O'Connor's book, The Grieving Body. If you have not checked out her book prior to that, The Grieving Brain, I literally recommend it to every single griever, every person I can possibly recommend it to, I do. It is such a phenomenal book. And The Grieving Body is this other beautiful iteration of that that's just as important. And honestly, it has given me so many, like, oh, that's why, moments that I knew I had to bring here to you today. If you don't know her, she is a neuroscientist and psychologist who has spent her career studying what grief actually does to us, not just emotionally, but physically. And the science behind this is not only fascinating, but very deeply validating. So between Dr. O'Connor's work and this book and some other research, I'm gonna break some of this down for you today. And I want to note, because it's very important, we're only scratching the surface on how grief shows up in the body in this conversation today. This topic could honestly be its own series, probably. Maybe I should do a part two or even a part three. But I just want to give you a solid foundation on some of the biggest things that I see and hear fellow grievers dealing with in case it helps you along today. Maybe it gives you a little permission to take any physical symptoms that you might be feeling seriously, not to scare you, just from an educational perspective, and help you feel a little less alone at it all, and just reassure you that none of what you're feeling is abnormal. I mean, of course, not a doctor. Always go get your checkups and make sure you're doing your due your due diligence, but just things to pay attention to. Or maybe these were things that you felt in the past and you're feeling a little bit better now, but you kind of always wondered like, why was that? Or what was that so early on in my grief? Man, I was so out of sorts. So I just really hope this can give you perhaps some clarity around that. So to kick this off, this is the reframe I want you to just sit with a little bit today.

Attachment and Nervous System

SPEAKER_00 3:45

Grief is not just an emotion, right? It is a full-body psychological experience. I think a lot of us tend to think of grief as something that, you know, lives in our thoughts and in our feelings. But Dr. O'Connor makes the case that our bodies are grieving just as much as our minds are. And one of the most powerful things she explains is that our loved ones helped regulate our nervous systems when they were alive, their presence, their hugs, their voice, even just being in the same house as us. All of that was keeping our bodies in kind of a balance that we perhaps didn't even realize was happening at the time. I definitely felt that with my mom and dad. And when they die, that regulatory input is just gone. And our bodies now have to figure out how to function without it. It is all about the strength of our attachment as it relates to how deeply we grieve them, no matter who they were to us. So whether that is a parent, a child, you're gonna hear me talk about, you know, child parent relationships a little bit more today. That's what's brought up somewhat often in her book, but please know this can apply across the board. You may or may not be familiar with the attachment theory. I've talked about that here and there in past episodes. It was first described in 1982 by British psychologist John Bowlby. He observed infants who were separated from their parents, particularly orphans of World War II. And he described their protest and subsequent despair when they were orphaned. And let me tell you, as a full-blown grown adult orphan myself, I can tell you this really hit home for me. But we can't study grief and loss without studying love and bonding. And his studies of separation revealed this sort of invisible tether of attachment between parent and child. So again, I feel like you can apply this really to anyone you've lost. I don't want to discriminate on losses here. There's just this sense of, you know, I must wait for them to return. They will always come back for me, right? Even though we might know on paper that's like not possible. It's like our brain still needs time to catch up with that, right? Or there's this innate sense of like, I must find them. I know they're out there waiting for me. It's it almost, I almost liken it to like little birds waiting for their mama bird in the nest, you know, like that's kind of how I visualize it. And anytime I think of it that way, I just it makes me so sad. Once we form this bond with a loved one, it's like our brain understands that this loved one is different from any other person in our species. Our brain uses dopamine, opioids, oxytocin, and cortisol to motivate us to seek them out. So attachment theory predicts two responses to the absence of our loved one. As I mentioned earlier, protest and despair. So, in other words, if loudly protesting their absence doesn't work and that doesn't bring them back, then despair settles in. And this is our brain recognizing that this person sadly will never return. And it's this kind of manifestation of this deep knowing of our new reality. And of course, there's a lot of very complex and complicated feelings after we start having these realizations as well. But Dr. O'Connor describes this really well in her book, and this really resonated with me. She kind of described the protests as like, oh no, they're gone, and despair as, oh no, they're gone. And both reflect awareness of our new reality. And this is where a lot of my work as a grief coach and a sole purpose coach comes in, because from there, it's this natural learning process that leads us to slowly, very gently return to living in the present moment to transform our relationship with the person that we've lost through continuing bonds. And it can even allow us to strengthen relationships or attachments with those who are still living or even form new bonds, right? But the way in which the body can handle this is extremely important to acknowledge. And that is ultimately what we are getting into today. And our attachment neurobiology is designed to allow us with the right time and experience and support to continue pursuing a meaningful life with these losses as a part of it. So, that all being said, if your body at any point has felt like it has been in complete chaos since your loss, I want you to know that is not a malfunction. That is your body doing exactly what it is supposed to do when something essential has been taken away from

Common Physical Symptoms of Grief Overview

SPEAKER_00 8:36

you. So let's get into exactly that. Let's talk about some of the most common ways this shows up because I want you to be able to hopefully listen to this and go, oh my gosh, that's me. That explains something that hits home, right? First, I just want to touch on brain fog. I have an entire episode on brain fog or grief brain, however you want to word it. If you want more on that specifically, go check out episode 213. I will link that in the show notes, but I dig into more of that there because, like I said, I felt like that deserved its own episode.

Heartache vs Heartbreak

SPEAKER_00 9:08

So, with that aside, let's first talk about the heart. I think most of us have used the phrase broken heart, sometimes perhaps without thinking too much about it. But there is a very important distinction between heartache and actual heartbreak. Heartache is expected, right? It is a painful adjustment that I would say most, if not all, grievers feel. That heaviness, the ache in your chest that you carry around with you, what feels like everywhere you go, every day for a very long time. Heartbreak is very different. And by the way, just to preface this, what I'm gonna mention in this section especially, but really throughout this whole episode, it is not to fear-monger, it's not to put anything in your mind. It's really just to share some statistics and facts, and I think things that are just good to be aware of, whether it's you are the one grieving, or perhaps you are trying to support someone grieving as well. And I think it's just very important to be aware of. Heartbreak can actually be physically dangerous. Here is a statistic that kind of stopped me in my tracks. A heart attack is 21 times more likely to happen in the 24 hours immediately following the death of a loved one. And that's not just the first day. After the death of a parent specifically, research shows that your risk of ischemic heart disease rises by 41% and your risk of stroke increases by 30%. This all really hit home for me, honestly, because of how quickly after my mom died, then my dad died. I have been convinced for a little while now that my dad died of a broken heart. I could just feel a shift in him after my mom died. He was not the same. Rightfully so, right? How can you be the same after you lose a spouse? So, of course, I expected that, but it wasn't until I found out later when he was in the ICU that a nurse told me, like, no, sweetie, like he's very depressed, like, kind of like he is not okay. Now, granted, he had prostate cancer at the time that my mom died. And while I don't know that his like heart specifically was affected, I'm gonna touch on this a little bit as well in terms of like our immune system. But he clearly was already immune compromised. And I'm telling you the story because maybe you can relate to this in your own way, whether it's a parent or anyone else in your life, where you might see existing physical symptoms or an illness or, you know, chronic disease, whatever, worsen after someone dies, or someone actually does die shortly after another loved one dies. You may know this as the broken heart syndrome medically. I'm gonna try and pronounce this right, bear with me. It is takotsubo cardiomyopathy, where extreme emotional stress actually causes your heart muscle to temporarily weaken and change shape. And this happens because grief floods your body with stress hormones like adrenaline. And in a rare but very real cases, it does happen, that flood is enough to actually stun the heart muscle itself. And I say this because I just think it's so important for grievers and supporters to hear, again, not to scare anyone, but if you were ever curious about broken heart syndrome and if it's a real thing and like what that is, first of all, I encourage you to do a little more research on it. Of course, like I said, this is kind of a we're scratching the surface in this sort of mini sode here today. But I really want to bring this up because our culture tends to minimize grief and the impact that it has on us in our day-to-day life, that initial shock when it first happens, right? Like, and here is science saying, no, this is serious. Your heart is under real, measurable medical stress right now. And this is why I want to bring awareness to this and to these topics, because I just think they're too important to ignore. So in case you were at all curious about sort of broken heart syndrome and what is medically going on, that is a great example. And maybe you're like me, where you've lost loved ones close together and perhaps had an inkling that they did in fact die of a broken heart at some point after losing someone that they loved. I don't know. I I guess it's situational, but I definitely don't think it's always an accident. I don't know. I'll just speak for myself. In my case, it seemed a little too coincidental that my dad had cancer for like five, six years at that point. And then just six months after my mom dies, the cancer metastasizes and goes into his brain, and he's he's dead six months later. Like the timing is just too sus for me. I don't know. So anyway, I hope that give you a little glimpse into that today. That is just one way grief can affect the body.

Stress Hormones of Grief and Inflammation

SPEAKER_00 14:33

Let's next talk about stress hormones and inflammation. Because speaking of stress on the heart and all the other places in your body, on a hormonal level, grief sends your cortisol, your primary stress hormone, through the roof and it stays elevated for much, much longer than most people expect. Here is why that happens. I'm gonna get a little sciencey, but just bear with me because I again I nerd out on this, I find it very interesting. Cortisol is designed to be a short-term survival tool. It is meant to help you respond to immediate danger and then ideally shut back off once the danger passes, right? But grief is not a single moment of danger, right? Like, yes, the initial loss happens, but that shock, it does tend to wear off. And then it I feel like it enters this like ongoing state, right? So in some cases, that hormone just stays switched on day after day, week after week. From an evolutionary standpoint, your body is actually treating this like an emergency because separation from the people that were bonded to, your body takes as genuinely life-threatening. So that prolonged cortisol elevation leads to chronic inflammation throughout the body. And this inflammation can affect your cardiovascular system, your gut, your skin, basically every major system that you have. This shows up differently depending on what your body is already sensitive to. I just talked about my dad, right? He he had cancer. Someone with arthritis might notice their joints flaring up more. Someone with asthma might find it suddenly a little bit harder to breathe. Someone with no prior conditions might feel just generally run down or achy or foggy, almost, almost like a low-grade flu. I feel like in some cases, that will just not go away no matter what you do. I can definitely think back to those first few like weeks, I would say, after my mom died, but really after both my parents died, definitely felt run down, definitely felt foggy. And this combination of cortisol and adrenaline doesn't just create inflammation, it can also create this bone-deep exhaustion that so many grievers describe having. Where it's like that feeling where you could like sleep for 10 hours and still feel like you got hit by a truck. So if you have felt like your body has literally been falling apart since your loss, again, not a doctor. I feel like I really should have said this in the beginning, but hi, not a doctor, not medical advice that I'm trying to give out today, just trying to be informational, right? And all my sources are linked in the show notes here. But that could be part of why it's not in your head. It is a real measurable psychological stress. Okay.

Sleep Disruption in Grief Explained

SPEAKER_00 17:31

Speaking of sleep disruption, raise your hand if sleep has ever been a complete disaster for you since you experienced your loss. Because I feel like this is one of those most universal things that happen to us grievers. And let me tell you, this has definitely happened to me. It was weeks, weeks and weeks of this. Difficulty falling asleep, waking up in the middle of the night, sleeping way more than usual, feeling exhausted no matter how much you sleep. All of these are incredibly common physical grief responses. And this happens partly because of that elevated cortisol that we talked about. Your body is essentially stuck in a low-level fight or flight state. And it's really hard to fall into a deep restorative sleep when your nervous system thinks it needs to stay alert. Grief can also disrupt your circadian rhythm, which is you might be familiar with this. It's your kind of like internal clock. It tells your body when to feel awake and when to feel sleepy. And that is also part of why so many grievers describe their whole sense of time, just sleep and just time in general, feeling completely warped after they go through a loss. Many people also experience really vivid dreams or even nightmares as they are grieving, especially in that like really deep grief, which researchers believe is actually connected to how the brain is trying to process and integrate the loss, even when you're unconscious, which I always thought was very interesting. But there's also something deeper happening here tied to attachment. Our brains have a built-in attachment system that for millions of years has worked to keep us bonded to the people that we love. When that person dies, this system doesn't just shut off, it keeps searching for them, as I alluded to earlier, which is part of why grief can include this physical sensation of yearning or searching even when you're asleep. So there is so much more I feel like I could say here, but if nothing else, please hear me on this. Your nervous system is trying to recalibrate without the person it was used to being regulated by every single day. That is a big deal. That takes brain power, that takes body power, and that is gonna take time. It takes time for your mind, your body, all of it, to get used to that, to get used to this new reality of yours. So be super gentle with yourself. There's nothing wrong with you. It will slowly but surely get back to normal, so to speak. There's support, there's help out there for you. If you do not feel like you're getting the appropriate sleep or it's feeling really prolonged, like again, always, always, always ask for help if you need it. Do not suffer in silence. But I do just want to normalize this that especially if you're catching this and you're hearing this in your first days or weeks or months, please do not be alarmed. It is just one of those things where I mean, like again, your your brain, your body, it is getting used to an entirely new reality. And most notably getting used to a reality where your beloved person is no longer here in the physical world. And that takes a lot of energy. Okay.

Immune System Under Stress in Grief

SPEAKER_00 20:57

So this next one, I alluded to it a little bit earlier when I was chatting about my dad, but I'd be remiss if I did not bring up the immune system. This one is for anyone who has ever wondered why they keep getting sick after a loss. This is so ironic. I'm getting over a cold right now. When every cold, every little bug, every random ailment seems to find you. This probably goes without saying, but grief puts your immune system under enormous stress. And chronic stress is known to suppress immune function, meaning your body's natural defenses are much, much lower during this time. This is why so many grievers report getting sick more often, healing more slowly from minor cuts or injuries, or noticing that old health issues seem to be flaring up seemingly out of nowhere. I want to note there's also this connection between grief and increased susceptibility to viral infections, specifically, because some stress hormones that spike during grief. Interfere with how effectively your immune cells communicate with each other and respond to threats. This is backed by real research, not just of healing. Bereaved people consistently show measurable changes in immune markers, including inflammatory markers, compared to people who are not grieving. And this isn't just about catching colds. Research actually points to long-term implications for things like cardiovascular health and chronic disease risk when immune suppression goes on for an extended period. So I want to take this opportunity to remind you being gentle with yourself right now isn't indulgent. It's not selfish. It's not you giving in to your grief. It is necessary because your body needs that care more than ever, right now. So advocate for yourself. Advocate for that. You are not weak for needing it. You are under a lot of stress and pressure and sadness right now, potentially. So as always, make sure you're taking care of yourself and getting the help that you need. All right.

The Gut-Brain Axis

SPEAKER_00 23:08

Then there is the appetite piece, which I think is one of the most relatable everyday symptoms of physical grief on some end of the spectrum. Some people can't eat at all in early grief. Food just feels unappetizing or even physically difficult to get down, almost like your body doesn't know how to prioritize something as basic as nourishment. That was me. Definitely was not eating, didn't want to eat. Nothing sounded appetizing. I just like, especially when my mom was really declining and I was having to drive back and forth to see her in the hospital. It was like 45, 50 minutes each way at the time. Like I basically lived off of like McDonald's sausage McMuffins, which don't sound very healthy, but that was like damn near the only thing I was eating all day. It was like that and hospital coffee. It was horrible. And Starbucks. And Starbucks too. My my winter Starbucks drinks. I've shared that on social media before. That's like my yearly thing around my mom's death adversary is getting one of those Starbucks drinks. Those are like the only things that's first any joy for me as her health was declining. But more to the point, I didn't want anything. And what I did want was very limited. So you might be on that end of the spectrum, or you might be on the other side of the spectrum where some people find themselves stress-eating or reaching for comfort food constantly, which makes sense too, because eating can be a way that the body and brain try to self-soothe during very overwhelming stress. Both of those responses are valid and both are your body's physical reaction to an enormous amount of stress. Again, for the third time today, not a doctor. I am not gonna sit here and tell you what is healthy, what is not healthy. I do not want to speak out of turn. What I want to say is that your gut and your nervous system are deeply connected through what is called the gut-brain axis, which is part of why so many grievers experience nausea, stomach aches, or digestive issues that don't seem to have any other medical explanation. As always, consult with your physician, consult with your doctor, okay? But one of the last things I want to say here as it relates to appetite, et cetera, is dehydration. This is also a very sneaky thing, a very sneaky factor here. Grieving people often forget to drink enough water. I've also been there. And that dehydration can actually make fatigue and headaches and brain frog noticeably worse. So I wanted to bring this up today, really just to validate this experience. If you've found yourself anywhere in that spectrum at any point, and this whole gut-brain axis connection can show up at every single meal, every single day for the foreseeable future, which is exactly why something as simple as eating can suddenly feel so complicated as we're grieving. And in my experience, and in the experience of people that I coach, it is something that, you know, we have to be mindful of.

Crying and Attachment

SPEAKER_00 29:21

So Dr. Connor touches on this in her book, and she says that I just found all of this so interesting that while science actually knows very little about why we actually cry and what impact that has on our body, for many of us, first and foremost, the crying spells will usually decrease in frequency and intensity on their own over time. And there's no timeline on any of this, right? So I don't even want to put this out there. But if you just feel like it is going on a really long time or the crying spells are still really prolonged, really intense, gentle reminder, reach out to a counselor, a therapist, a grief coach like myself, someone who could perhaps help you work through that. Okay. Just want to throw that out there. That all being said, crying, it is a natural expression of grief on its own timeline. It is such a strong response that we do not, as you probably know, don't have control over it at times. But I see this all the time, you guys. There are some people that are afraid if they allow themselves to start crying, that they will never stop. I've lost count of how many times people have said that to me in some capacity, or that they just won't be able to like bear the pain. Simply put, that will not happen. You will, of course, stop crying at some point, and it actually makes us feel better or at least calmer afterward. Dr. O'Connor mentions that in her book as well. And this is likely because there are some of the same pain-relieving neurochemicals that we've been chatting about today that are released when we do. A lot of theories about why we cry have highlighted that it's actually a form of social communication. And crying visibly allows us to show others that we need comforting. But Dr. Connor also thinks that prolactin is stimulated by oxytocin, which plays a very important role in a grieving body. And the role of oxytocin, which you may or may not be familiar with, can be seen in attachment behaviors like baby nursing or sex. It's to develop bonds. It is how we learn that, for example, an infant or a mate or a loved one is important and that we should care for them and remember them and return to them. So she hypothesizes that crying is another attachment behavior. Oxytocin has a permissive effect on our brain, which means that while it's flooding to our brain, the likelihood of making connections between neurons are how we learn new information. So we are likely to learn from the situation that we find ourselves in. Here is where the grief comes in. When we grieve, we are reminded of the absence of this person. And when we cry, she believes we may also be learning. But learning that they are no longer with us in the physical world. Crying enables our brain to make this connection that their absence is permanent. And while, of course, that is super painful, it's part of the processing of our new reality and restoring meaning in our life. So, y'all, I am a big proponent of crying. It just makes me so sad. Not to the point of crying, but it makes me so sad when I see anyone like, no, no, no, don't cry. It's okay. Like, don't, you know, don't cry. Whether they say it to another fellow adult or a little kid, I see this all the time on like social media or like reality shows, like, no, like, no, like, don't cry over him, or like, don't cry, be strong, don't cry, be strong. Can we not with that? Can we just like learn that it's okay to let it out? Because if Dr. O'Connor is right here, and I really loved what she was saying in the section, which is why I wanted to include it in this episode. If that helps our processing, if that crying helps our brain make a connection that their absence is permanent and it helps us like work through that, is it freaking painful? Yeah, absolutely. I'm not gonna sit here and say that like it's gonna feel great, right? Which, you know, having a good cry does can make you feel better, absolutely. But again, I'm trying to get away from the word of like stuck, but I'm thinking of like some certain clients, right? So because again, I don't want to like project. But in a lot of instances that I've seen, a lot of people that are just trying to be happy or they're trying to kind of tamp down their emotions, or they don't want to let themselves go there because they're so afraid of what they might feel, or that it's gonna make it permanent. Yeah. Yeah. It it probably will hurt. It probably will make it feel more real. It will be very confronting. But also, it's like I'm like, what's the alternative? We we can't not face it, right? It's gonna come up one way or another. And if we don't let it come to the surface, it's gonna come out sideways. And then who knows what's gonna happen, right? Grief will just go rogue like that if it's not seen and witnessed. So again, I just wanted to throw this section in there. I thought that was very interesting. I thought her hypothesis on that was very interesting. And if you or someone you know has struggled with the crying thing one way or another, I just hope that was helpful.

Gentle Body Support Tips

SPEAKER_00 35:00

Okay, so as we slowly start to wrap up, I always just want to leave you with some things that you can consider that you can put into practice that you can keep in the back of your mind and come back to later. Because I didn't want to just leave you with the science. I want to always give you a few gentle, doable things that you can actually implement to support yourself. This is not a to-do list, it is not about fixing your grief because that is not something to be fixed. There's just some small ways that you can help your body feel a little more supported while it is working so, so hard. First and foremost, move your body. Even just a little. You don't need to run a marathon. You don't even have to hit the gym. Even a short walk around your block can help regulate your nervous system, gets you some much-needed fresh air. It supports that vagus nerve that we talked about earlier. This is all the stuff in all the brain body connection things that we were talking about. And again, that natural light and fresh air can genuinely help lower your cortisol levels. Even gentle movement, like stretching or yoga or just literally stepping outside for 10 minutes with your coffee, putting your feet in the grass, any of the above can help signal to your body that it is safe to come down and out of that fight or flight state, even just for a little. And let me tell you, getting outdoors, going on walks around my neighborhood, especially after my dad died, and I was like really alone, because also this was during COVID, quite literally saved me. Truly. So try it out. And and also breathing, literally, just breath work, right? Like put your hand over your heart as I'm doing now. If you're not watching this on video, do some box breathing. So, you know, in for four, hold for four, out for four, hold for four. Like, so powerful. And it's just a really amazing way to come back to yourself, come back to the present and ground yourself. Number two, prioritize hydration. Sounds so simple, I know, but as I said earlier, that dehydration, she is sneaky and it can cause some fatigue and headaches and brain fog and all the things I mentioned earlier. And it can make all of that worse when you are already running on empty. So if you don't already, try keeping a water bottle somewhere visible. Got my hydro jug right here. Or sip on warm herbal tea like chamomile, which can offer your hydration along with a little bit of calm, or especially before bed, right? Maybe helps you sleep a little bit better. Literally, for years now, I have had a Stanley Cup or some other water bottle, which, like many people, I now refer to as my emotional support water bottle, uh, with me at all times. And it's still something I do today. And I, I personally don't track how many ounces I drink. I just I love water. I don't, I don't drink soda, like I just don't drink other things really. I just don't, I don't crave it. I don't feel like I need it. So I'm pretty good about drinking water. So I don't track my ounces. But if you feel like you need to be aware of how many ounces you're drinking, right? And I understand that that can sometimes feel like a chore or like the tracking it is just like kind of it's like one more thing you have to do. Trust me, I get it. But basically just don't neglect your hydration, especially as you're grieving. It's more important than you might think. Okay, number three, let yourself rest without guilt. Please, your body, if it's asking for a nap, give it a dang nap or go to bed earlier than usual. Just let it let yourself have it. It's not laziness. Your nervous system, your brain, all the things are working overtime right now. And resting is not lazy, it is necessary. And I know sometimes our work doesn't care about that. Sometimes people around us don't even care about that, or we might have kids, or 50 other things that we have to do. And rest is hard to come by. But again, as I said earlier, like advocate for yourself because your mind, it is literally rewiring itself. Your body, it is doing so much of what it can to keep you afloat and functioning. And that takes a lot of work. So we have to care for ourselves. And that could mean lowering the bar on what you expect from yourself in a day. That is completely okay. Let yourself have it, at least for right now. Number four, touched on this earlier. So I'll keep this one short. Nourish yourself however you can. If eating feels hard for you right now, or if you kind of find yourself like overeating or eating because it's just it's like a comfort thing, just remember you don't have to aim for perfect meals. Just aim for small, manageable bites, even of something nourishing, even if it's not a full plate. And maybe just do that a little bit more frequently, right? Foods that support your body during stress can be a very gentle but impactful way to give your body a little extra support without putting more pressure on yourself. I know even now I really try and stick to this diet, but it's definitely back then when I was trying to be more aware of it. You know, the typical stuff like leafy greens, making sure I had protein. Protein was a big one. But you know what? I'm also not above a little square of dark chocolate every once in a while because we deserve a little, a little spark of joy too, right? So consult a doctor, consult a nutritionist if you want, but just make it work however it can for you. And the biggest thing I want you to take from this is that none of this is about doing your grief right, quote unquote. It is just about giving your body a little bit of support while it is carrying something so heavy. So, that all being said, here is what I really hope you take away from today. Your body is not betraying you if it's hurting or if it's aching or if if it's you find yourself sick more often, right? Like your body is grieving too. Like, just think of it that way. Every single physical symptom we talked about today: chest pain, exhaustion, getting sick, not sleeping. Again, the list goes on and on. Those try not to think of those as signs that there is something wrong with you. Again, as I mentioned earlier, right? Like do your annual checkups, all the things. But as it relates to grief, what I can tell you is that they might just be signs that you love someone deeply and your whole system felt that loss, not just your heart and your mind. And there's this idea that grief like makes a home in your body. And I think that is such a powerful image. It's not just passing through you, and it's just gonna miraculously kind of go away one day. It lives inside you for a while, forever, maybe. And that means that your body deserves the same gentleness, the same patience, and the same attention that you are perhaps already trying to give your heart or other pieces of you, right? So this is your reminder today that taking care of your physical self as you are grieving is not a luxury. It's not something to feel guilty about. Rest, the movement, nourishment, the sleep. They're not extras. They are literally a part of how you actually survive this. So please always remember that. Advocate for yourself, get all the things in however you can, and just be so, so gentle with yourself because you already got a lot on your plate. So if this conversation today resonated with you, I would love to hear from you. Drop a comment or send me a DM and tell me a physical symptom that maybe you've experienced in your grief journey that you did expect, or maybe one that completely caught you off guard. Like, let's talk about it. I want this to be a beautiful conversation because I also feel like many of us are going to have a lot of very similar or the same answers. And if you want to go deeper on this topic, again, this I feel like we've really only scratched the surface today, but I cannot recommend The Grieving Body by Dr. Mary Frances O'Connor enough. I am still working my way through it, but I will link it in the show notes for you. It's wonderful. The Grieving Brain, her other book, also a phenomenal read. I did read all of that one and wow. But it's just so accessible, so validating, and so worth a read. Thank you so much for spending a little of your morning, your afternoon, or even your midnight with me today. I appreciate it so much. And I will see you in the next one. I am sending you a huge thank you for tuning into today's episode, my friend. Be sure to hit that subscribe button if you haven't already, and share this episode or this podcast with someone who could use it too. I'll catch you in the next episode.