Divorce Diaries: Lessons From the Trenches

EP #4: Resilient Divorce Approaches and Practical Advice with Guest Attorney Kelly Krupinski

• Cary Jacobson, Esq.

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Unlock the secrets to a more empowered and less stressful divorce with guest, Kelly Krupinski, a seasoned family law attorney who brings her wealth of experience to our discussion. Together, Kelly and host Cary Jacobson, attorney and mediator, uncover why having a specialist in family law can make all the difference, offering creative solutions to steering clear of court battles. Listen now to gain practical tools that can turn this challenging life transition into a more manageable experience.

Visit jacobsonworkshop.com to learn more.

Intro/Close Speaker:

Welcome to Divorce Diaries, where Attorney Cary Jacobson brings you real stories, hard truths and practical advice on navigating divorce and family law. Whether you're going through it, considering it or just curious, this is your place for clarity, confidence and resilience.

Cary Jacobson:

Welcome to Divorce Diaries: Lessons from the Trenches. I'm your host, Cary Jacobson. On this podcast, we explore the challenges of divorce and how to navigate them with the expert advice from professionals who have seen it all. Today, I'm excited to have Kelly Krupinski, a family law attorney, with Jacobson Family Law. Kelly is experienced in settlement agreement negotiation, mediation and collaborative force. Kelly is passionate about helping families resolve conflicts amicably and she's here to share her perspective on how to avoid some of those common mistakes during divorce and to build a better future for everyone involved. So, Kelly, thanks so much for being here today.

Kelly Krupinski:

Thank you for having me.

Cary Jacobson:

Absolutely. Can you start just by sharing with our listeners a little bit about your background, both personally and in the law, and how you became interested in family law?

Kelly Krupinski:

Sure. Well, I started law school kind of not really sure what I wanted to do, you know, and so I got involved with a clinic that was a juvenile clinic. It was based more on criminal aspects or you know, of the juvenile. But since then I've sort of gone back and forth in my career between juvenile matters and family law, which are of course very similar. So I started with legal aid and I did the representing children in foster care there and then transitioned to their family law unit. So I've sort of gone back and forth between the two and landed here in family law right now.

Cary Jacobson:

Awesome. Is there anything that you find most effective for those families who are navigating divorce?

Kelly Krupinski:

Yeah, I definitely think if you're going through it, you want to find someone who's knowledgeable and experienced in family law. It's something that I think some people think oh you know, I can just handle this on my own, but it really is nuanced and something that it would be beneficial to have, somebody who really is aware of the law and kind of different solutions that might be. It's sometimes really pretty creative in the solutions that you find to help out families try to get through the process of divorce.

Cary Jacobson:

Yeah, I think many times I have seen over my career where people just think you know, going through a divorce so any attorney can help right. Very much like the practice of medicine, where you have kind of specialties, those you know you want to have a cardiologist who is working with you if you have a heart problem and not an orthopedist. So you really you want to have someone who works in family law and not just a general practitioner or someone who handles criminal matters or, you know, personal injury matters, because they are so different and so specific. So I think that that's just something for those listeners out there be aware of, because many times there is really a specialty and a focus on a particular practice.

Kelly Krupinski:

I would definitely agree. I think you know if anybody had a criminal problem they probably would not want me around. So I think you know having the experience with family law is definitely beneficial. It's something you see, something you do, and not that it's common or that you don't take every case you know with the specifics, but it's just definitely something to at least be able to catch some of the issues that might arise.

Cary Jacobson:

Yeah, absolutely. So. Let's dive into the divorce process a little bit more. What are some of those biggest misconceptions that people have when they're starting the process? Is there something that you see regularly?

Kelly Krupinski:

Yeah, I think when a lot of people kind of are starting out, they think that it has to be kind of court driven, that they need to, you know, file right away, like they need to have the court kind of make these decisions on their behalf, and I don't think that that's really necessary. I think that in fact, it works better the less the court is involved. Yes, the court is needed for actually doing the divorce, but I just think it's not necessary that you have them involved right from the beginning.

Cary Jacobson:

Are there any particular reasons why someone would want to file for the divorce first before trying to reach an agreement, instead of trying to reach an agreement first and then filing for the divorce?

Kelly Krupinski:

I mean, I think in cases of like, maybe emergencies and things especially relating to children that might be something you can let the court involved immediately because you might need that intervention if you don't have a partner or spouse who's able to really work with you, and there might be something that's necessary to get them involved. But generally I think, and most of the people I see, it's definitely a case where they might want to try to work it out on their own not on their own, but might want to work it out between themselves so that they can figure out what works best for their family. Yeah, do you?

Cary Jacobson:

find that people are able to negotiate those agreements with less stress than if they are in the court system.

Kelly Krupinski:

Absolutely. I think, you know, by doing it, either through mediation or settlement or however they choose to do it, I think just kind of them in the driver's seat, I think is definitely something where people feel more in control and able to kind of navigate the process. I think when the court's involved, there might be deadlines, other things they're not really sure of and the next steps they should take. So I always think, if it's possible, then I think it's always better to try to do it on your own think, if it possible, then I think it's always better to try to do it on your own.

Cary Jacobson:

Yeah, can you share with the listeners an example of a case or a situation that could have been prevented if they had had some prior planning, and how our listeners could avoid being in a similar situation?

Kelly Krupinski:

our listeners could avoid being in a similar situation. I think you know the big thing that comes up for. That is like prenuptials, especially lots of times in second marriages, because there might be other things that need to be addressed, such as, you know, other prior families, children, that sort of thing. I did have a case once where someone had remarried and had adult children and then had in the second marriage without a prenup. Then he was kind of trying to deal with some of those issues that maybe he really hadn't been planning on, and so I think it's always a good idea to have somebody kind of look out for those things for you before you might enter into that second marriage.

Cary Jacobson:

Yeah, absolutely, I always think you know, especially those situations where it's a second or subsequent marriage a pre or postnuptial agreement is invaluable because it addresses things like what assets both people are bringing into the marriage, how they're going to handle the division of assets if something happens in this relationship, but also, especially if you have adult children, right, how, if something, if one party dies, how those children may inherit from the you know from each other. So it is absolutely crucial, in my opinion, to have those pre or post-nuptial agreements in those situations and really can prevent, prevent, you know, those situations where there's fighting or disputes in that second marriage or even the first marriage. You know, doing that prenuptial agreement the first time. I think it's just one of those taboo subjects people are so worried about bringing up.

Kelly Krupinski:

I think it's just one of those taboo subjects people are so worried about bringing up. But you know, it's definitely maybe sometimes hard to bring it up, but especially in a second marriage but also a first one, it's a good way to kind of discussions about how you plan to handle finances handle assets, those sorts of things, it's always always beneficial.

Cary Jacobson:

Yeah, I mean I can, at least in my experience. Finances is one of the main reasons people get divorced, not to mention the communication. But I don't think you know many couples do have those conversations about how they're going to handle finances in a relationship and then you know you have couples with differing values when it comes to money. Right, you can have someone who is the spender and you have someone who is the saver, and then that can get really messy when you're going through a divorce because it's like well, why should we divide the assets of this? You know the person who's been saving when the other person was spending. So a prenuptial agreement would address all of that.

Kelly Krupinski:

Absolutely.

Cary Jacobson:

Yeah, Do you find that you know when your clients are dealing with high emotions, how do you help them with those practical solutions when handling the emotional side of the divorce process?

Kelly Krupinski:

although there are solutions and practical solutions that you need to reach, I think you can't just ignore that the emotions are really the driving force behind everything. So definitely just kind of acknowledging it and and not to be their therapist, because that you know not the role of an attorney, but but just to say, look, this is hard, this is you know, this is something that you have to deal with and you know, if there are children involved and you're trying to still handle everything you need to do for the children while handling everything for the divorce, it's, of course, very hard to manage those emotions. So I just think, addressing it, really just making sure that the client knows that you are aware of this and it's you know, even if you are an attorney and this is what you deal with all the time, it is still really hard for the person that's dealing with it.

Cary Jacobson:

Yeah. Do you ever find situations where you may refer that individual to either a therapist or a divorce coach?

Kelly Krupinski:

Absolutely yeah, because you know, if it's something where that person is spending a lot of time just focusing on that and then it's not, it's kind of impairing their ability to get to those practical solutions, then that is certainly where another professional would be helpful.

Cary Jacobson:

Yeah, I think sometimes having that outlet of working with a therapist or a coach can be really helpful for people to discuss those emotional aspects so that they can make the important decisions related to their divorce.

Kelly Krupinski:

Yep.

Cary Jacobson:

So for any of our listeners who may be parents.

Kelly Krupinski:

Is there any advice that you would give them to ensure that the divorce process minimizes the impact on their kids? I think which I think really most of the people kind of do this anyway but just making sure that your focus is the children you know and generally people everybody is like, of course that is my main goal, but I still think sometimes, even if that is your main goal to focus on the children these emotions do come up and anger comes up about you know the other person. So, just trying to maybe focus on the children and even if you might think something is better, try to consider other possibilities or try to consider compromises to ensure that the children are kept in the forefront of everything.

Cary Jacobson:

Yeah, are there any particular practical things that you advise clients on as far as how to focus on the kids or to minimize that impact?

Kelly Krupinski:

or to minimize that impact. I think there are lots of ways for communication between the parents that you can do, and sometimes we'll recommend like an app where they might have everything in there so there's a record of everything. There's a lot of them out there that do this. That just kind of makes it easier to look back and record text messages. Things can't be erased, that sort of thing, so that way it just makes it so everybody's aware of. This is kind of how we're going to move forward and I think that's been helpful for a lot of clients.

Cary Jacobson:

Yeah, the one I think I recommend the most and I've seen the courts typically recommend the most is Our Family Wizard and we can add a link of that to in the show notes. But you know many of them. There are paid ones and there are free ones. It kind of depends on how you know what features you need, but a lot of them will have lots of different pieces in it. I think Our Family Wizard has an expense tracker and a calendar like a shared calendar, and also, like you mentioned, you know the communication tool built in and God forbid if anything happens in the future and you end up back in court you know you have access to all of those communications without having to go back to text messages and emails and that sort of thing.

Cary Jacobson:

So, yeah, okay, Is there any particular, you know, piece of advice or encouragement that you would like to leave our listeners with who are going through and navigating this divorce process?

Kelly Krupinski:

I just think, reminding people that it is a process, just like any transition. It can sometimes be uncomfortable, sometimes be uncomfortable, but I think at the beginning a lot of people are just so overwhelmed by the thought of thinking everything needs to change, you know, and everything's going to change, in kind of the logistics of things. But I think is, you know, you go through it and you start to recognize, well, this is what this aspect might look like and how that might look in the future. I think you start to realize, okay, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and so you know, just recognizing that, that it is a transition and it's sometimes bumpy and messy, but it does eventually get to the point where you are in a much better place.

Cary Jacobson:

Yeah, absolutely Related to that and recognizing that it is a process and that you know, every situation is somewhat different, but is there a typical timeline that you, you know, see with your clients as to how long that process takes? I know that people often ask, well, how long is this going to? You know, take us to handle. So is there something that you typically see as far as what that process looks like?

Kelly Krupinski:

I think it also depends on kind of what path the client might choose. So you know, if they're deciding they want to kind of work on this agreement before filing anything with the court, we usually give about six months time to try to really do the negotiation piece, you know back and forth and getting the agreement completed and then hopefully even within that time have the divorce done through the courts. Sometimes that can take a little longer, depending on assets, custody issues, whatever might happen, but generally six months to do the negotiation. If they choose to do mediation, that we usually try to say, you know maybe two to three sessions, depending on a two hour sessions, depending on, again, the same kind of issues, and then that's sort of based on their schedule and when they can kind of fit that in. But if the two of them are working together and able to really communicate, I would say within six months probably that it can be completed.

Cary Jacobson:

Yeah, and for all of those listeners out there that you know, six months is nothing when we're talking about the alternative of court world. Six months is nothing when we're talking about the alternative of court world. You know, and here in Maryland I would say, the fastest I have seen, a divorce that has gone all the way through court probably is more than a year, just because of scheduling and all of the things that go into that process. I would say 12 to 18 months is probably the most common. So six months is relatively short when we're talking about a timeframe. We've seen them happen much quicker than that, if you know, if people are working together, but I would say six months is pretty common for our clients.

Kelly Krupinski:

And I would say also that if they decide or are unable to do it through themselves without using the court, lots of times, the court is going to order them to do what we're trying to accomplish without getting the court involved anyway, such as mediation or those sorts of things. So it's, I just think, way more beneficial to try to get this resolved, get many of the issues resolved, before filing anything with the court.

Cary Jacobson:

Absolutely. Is there any last piece of advice that you would like to share or, you know, share how listeners can learn more about you and what you do at Jacobson Family Law.

Kelly Krupinski:

Sure, they can go to JacobsonFamilyLaw. com that's our website and they can schedule a consultation with me, with you, and see the best way that we can help them. I think we also have a lot of great resources on that website with blogs, and that might give information that you might have more specific questions about.

Cary Jacobson:

Absolutely. Thank you so much for being here and sharing your experience and advice. I appreciate it.

Kelly Krupinski:

Thank you so much.

Intro/Close Speaker:

Thanks for joining us today on this episode of Divorce Diaries. Thanks for joining us today on this episode of Divorce Diaries. Remember, every journey is unique, but you don't have to navigate it alone. No-transcript.