Divorce Diaries: Lessons From the Trenches
Welcome to Divorce Diaries, where host Cary Jacobson, attorney and mediator brings you real stories, hard truths, and practical advice on navigating divorce and family law. Whether you're going through it, considering it, or just curious, this is your place for clarity, confidence, and resilience.
Divorce Diaries: Lessons From the Trenches
EP #7: Navigating Alimony in Maryland
Discover the essential tools you need to navigate the complex world of alimony with insights from host Cary Jacobson, attorney and mediator. Ever wondered how alimony is determined and why it's so different across states? We bring clarity to these questions by focusing on Maryland's unique approach to alimony, breaking down pendente lite, rehabilitative, and permanent types. With Cary's legal expertise, we unravel the different factors courts weigh when deciding on support, shedding light on how age, health, education, and marriage length influence outcomes.
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There are officially 11 factors that the court takes into consideration. Some of those factors include how old each party, each of the people, are, what their health condition is, how much education they may have, how long they have been married, who the primary caretaker of the children has been throughout the marriage. Who the primary caretaker of the children has been throughout the marriage. The reason for the divorce can be one of the potential factors.
Speaker 2:And so there's a whole list of them that the court has to go through. Welcome to Divorce Diaries, where attorney Carrie Jacobson brings you real stories, hard truths and practical advice on navigating divorce and family law, whether you're going through it, considering it or just curious, this is your place for clarity, confidence and resilience.
Speaker 3:Well, welcome back to Divorce Diaries. Charlie McDermott, producer, co-host today here with Keri Jacobson. Keri, how are you? I'm doing well. How are you Doing terrific. And boy, your show is just plugging along and I'm usually in the background listening. You have some great experts that have come on already and I know you have more lined up here. Before we get into today's topic, I know you have a bunch on your schedule, One or two guests that you had planned and what their topics are.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we have a mortgage broker coming on who's going to be talking about mortgages through the divorce process and how complicated that can sometimes be, especially in our current housing market situation. And then we've got, you know, other therapists that are coming on and you know people just to really get into some of the depths of issues that people facing divorce go through every day yeah, that's great.
Speaker 3:that, that's great, love it. So today we're going to get into navigating alimony and boy, there's so much to this whole divorce thing. Alimony is a big piece. So let's start, carrie, with what is alimony and why is it a key component to divorce settlements.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I will say that alimony is very jurisdictional, specific meaning. Every state is going to do something different and have different rules when we're talking about what alimony is and how it gets addressed, Because what happens here in Maryland is going to be drastically different than what may be available to listeners in other states. So definitely talk to someone in your particular state. But what alimony's real purpose is is it's spousal support. It's to ultimately get the financially dependent spouse on his or her feet so that they can be financially independent themselves and not have to continue to rely on that financially independent spouse.
Speaker 3:Okay, okay, so are there different types of alimony arrangements?
Speaker 1:Well, there's different types of alimony. That itself especially here in Maryland. So we have three different types of alimony. The first is what we refer to as pendente lite. It's basically Latin for what's pending the final litigation, and so it's. You're usually during that separation period, from the time parties or spouses separate from one another until, if they are in the court process until their final decision or agreement is made.
Speaker 1:The second type of alimony is what we see the most of, which is something called rehabilitative. This is really that scenario to allow the financially independent spouse to become self-supporting. You know, it could be that that spouse has been out of the workforce for a period of time because they've been caring for children, or they've let a you know certification or a license lapse during that period of time and they need to get back into the workforce. That's probably the most common. It can also just be that you know they've. It can also just be that you know they've, they just had not been working to their full potential. And then the third type of alimony, which we don't see as often, is what people refer to as permanent or ongoing alimony, that alimony that's going to continue until either spouse passes away, typically, or the receiving spouse potentially gets remarried.
Speaker 3:And I know we've talked about kind of myths and misconceptions in the past Do you find that that last one is the one that people tend to think is the norm? I?
Speaker 1:think so yeah. They really do kind of think that they may receive alimony or have to pay alimony for you know forever.
Speaker 1:And that's typically not the case. Usually, the only time we see permanent alimony come into play is when the financially dependent spouse, the person who is receiving funds, can't be self-supporting. It could be because they have an illness. You know they're either physically or mentally ill and cannot work. Could be because of their age you know they've been out of the workforce or they they can't get back into the workforce and, you know, really you know become self-supporting. I've had some clients. They're in their 60s and 70s and getting a divorce. They're not going out and getting a job and being able to, you know, make enough money to pay for all of their expenses. Those are probably the most common. Either a disability or age would be the reason for a permanent disability scenario.
Speaker 3:Okay, okay, interesting. So how do courts decide who gets alimony and for how long?
Speaker 1:So it's very complicated. There are, officially, 11 factors that the court takes into consideration. Some of those factors include how old each party, each of the people, are, what their health condition is, how much education they may have, how long they have been married, who the primary caretaker of the children has been throughout the marriage. The reason for the divorce can be one of the potential factors, and so there's a whole list of them that the court has to go through if they are going to be the one to make that determination. What I say, though, is how much weight any one judge gives or places on any one of those factors is 100% subjective, and that's the difficulty. When we're negotiating and or arguing for alimony in Maryland is that you can have the same exact fact pattern heard by five different judges, and every single one of them may do something different, so this is not a scenario of you know really taking it to court because you know what's going to happen, because you just don't.
Speaker 3:And I mean obviously you've been doing this for a while. Do you kind of have an idea, after seeing a judge over and over and over again, kind of where they're going to head at the end of the day?
Speaker 1:Well, fortunately for us, we don't go to make those decisions, and so what we really tell our clients is you don't want a judge to do this, because you don't know what you're going to get.
Speaker 1:So we use lots of different things when we're really most of the time negotiating this with the other spouse or their attorney or their attorney, because, at the end of the day, what it comes down to is how much money does the receiving spouse need in order to make his or her financial ends meet, right? How much money do they need to compensate for? And then, on the other side, how much does the other spouse who may be paying alimony? How much can they afford? You know, after they pay all of their expenses, how much money, if anything, do they have left over in order to pay support for the other spouse? So really, when you get down to the basics, that's what you're really looking at.
Speaker 3:Okay, okay, and you know, as I guess, part of that, maybe you've already answered. It answered what role does income disparity play between spouses?
Speaker 1:it's definitely one of the factors that we're really looking at. You know, do you have a spouse who may be making, you know, 80 to 100 000 in some areas? You know higher, lower cost of living areas that may be okay, um, where we, that doesn't get you too far. You know, as far as a household. But then you may have a spouse who you know. If you're looking at someone who on the other side may be making three, four, $500,000, that's going to be more likely that you're going to have an alimony component versus if you have a spouse that may be making $150,000. So income disparity definitely plays a role in whether or not it's going to be appropriate.
Speaker 3:Okay, okay. So then, under what circumstances can alimony be either modified or just flat out terminated?
Speaker 1:So many times when we're negotiating alimony, one of the things that we're negotiating is whether or not it's even going to be modified. So oftentimes in the negotiation each spouse is kind of giving up other things right and so many times it's a non-modifiable situation. So, no matter what happens in the future, it can't be modified and they go into it knowing that. If a court makes the decision, then there are scenarios where it can potentially be modified or terminated, which typically would include you know, the person who is paying, the obligor or paying spouse. Maybe they've lost their job or they've taken a substantial reduction in pay.
Speaker 1:It could be because they've retired. You know, we've got those great divorce clients where we are, you know, seeing 60 and 70 year olds. Maybe they are retiring and don't have that income coming in. Maybe it's a financial or a health situation where they they no longer can work, and so those would be scenarios where they could come back to court, where the parties could renegotiate a modification or a termination.
Speaker 3:Okay. So then that maybe answers my next question, which is how can someone request a change in their alimony payments? Would they need to go back to court then?
Speaker 1:Generally so, because most of the time those that are modifiable were as a result of court, though there are scenarios in the negotiations. I have seen scenarios where they have negotiated kind of tiers of support. So we had a scenario where we were working with a couple in mediation and the husband in that particular scenario was a very high earner and owned a business and the wife was a stay-at-home parent of their minor children, and in that scenario they basically tiered it out. It said this is how much husband's going to pay for this many years. Said you know, this is how much husband's going to pay for this many years, but if his income drops to a certain level, then alimony will be Y, and if it drops between this you know range, then it's going to be X.
Speaker 3:So you can predetermine that in the negotiation, so that you don't have to go back to court and spend all that money on attorney's face. Yeah, wow, very smart, okay, so I'm learning so much and I hope I never have to use it. I'm sure I'll be right. This is interesting, all right. So how about some of the challenges that people face with alimony agreements? What comes to mind?
Speaker 1:I think you know number one it's definitely emotion you know, you definitely have those scenarios where it's whether it's the male or female it's like I just don't want to pay Apple money, right. There is an emotional component to that and I totally recognize that, and especially if you have to make that payment each and every month like that can be difficult, um. So one of the things that we often talk about is what's referred to as an alimony buyout, where, instead of paying that monthly amount each month, you pay a lump sum, um at the at some point throughout the process or over a period of years, and then it's not. It doesn't have that same emotional connection. I feel, as you know, um, as having to write that check each month or having deducted from your paycheck, um. The other thing that comes into play is simply, are there enough, you know, funds in order to do an alimony buyout or structuring it in a way that works for both parties' needs?
Speaker 3:Okay, all right. So then, individuals who want to protect themselves financially during negotiations any tips there?
Speaker 1:Well, if you are the person that may be paying alimony, don't work extra overtime, don't go out and get another job, you know, because the more income you show, the more likely it's going to be that you're going to be paying more in support. More likely it's going to be that you're going to be paying more in support. But also, even in those scenarios where you may have been the individual receiving support, you want to be able to take care of yourself and not necessarily have to rely on someone else. So it's going to be necessary in most scenarios for you to be able to go out and get a job and so going, starting that research. How long is it going to take for you to be self-supporting? How much education are you going to need? How much time are you going to need so that you really have that plan and can make that request in the negotiation?
Speaker 3:and can make that request in the negotiation. Okay, okay, good stuff. How about tips for those entering the alimony discussions? What comes to mind?
Speaker 1:The main thing that everybody needs to do at the beginning of this process is really look at your budget, go through the last 12 months of expenses and really put it on paper. How much are you spending for housing, how much are you spending for food each month, transportation, et cetera? And that's going to potentially look different than what it will be. That, this potential second budget, which is what is it going to be when you're out on your own and you have your own second residence.
Speaker 1:You know that is likely to be a different scenario. But that is the first part of this exercise, because you don't know what you can ask for, nor do you know what you can offer, unless you know what your budget is. So really tackling those numbers, looking at past credit card receipts, your bank statements, and diving in deep on the budget is probably the most critical piece, and then having the backup documentation to support it, so that you can say I'm not just making this up, this is really backed by. You know what we have been spending and what I know it's going to cost.
Speaker 3:That's great, Great advice. So wow, this is really insightful. Any resources or professional recommendations, Carrie, that you can provide your audience?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we have on our website the budget templates that you can use for, you know, when you're diving into that process and then when we are working on these negotiations. Many times we will work with some of our professionals that we've had as guests, which are certified divorce financial analysts. They really can help us look at those budgets and create that financial plan to determine what your needs are if you are the one receiving support and what your ability to pay will be, if you are the one who may have to pay support, whether it's going to be possible for you to do an alimony buyout. What does that? How does that impact your financial plan going forward? You know so working with that team, extra team member is always helpful when we're dealing with alimony negotiations.
Speaker 3:Well, awesome, awesome. So, yeah, you and your team have done such a nice job of putting together these resources for your listeners and viewers. You can go to Jacobson Family Law dot com Jacobson Family Law dot com for those resources and then other episodes you know your interviews with your different professionals and upcoming with the mortgage professional and upcoming with the mortgage professional. I think is just a really good recommendation for anyone listening and really want to put all the pieces together, or the puzzle, and be totally prepared as much as you possibly can before, I guess, making that decision. So well, carrie, thank you again for carving out time and until next episode, have an awesome day.
Speaker 1:You too. Thank you again for carving out time and, until next episode, have an awesome day.
Speaker 2:You too. Thank you so much. Thanks for joining us today on this episode of Divorce Diaries. Remember, every journey is unique, but you don't have to navigate it alone. Visit JacobsonFamilyLawcom or call 443-726-4912 for support and guidance.