Divorce Diaries: Lessons From the Trenches
Welcome to Divorce Diaries, where host Cary Jacobson, attorney and mediator brings you real stories, hard truths, and practical advice on navigating divorce and family law. Whether you're going through it, considering it, or just curious, this is your place for clarity, confidence, and resilience.
Divorce Diaries: Lessons From the Trenches
EP #32: Empowering Women Through Divorce with Guest Heather Quick, CFA, CDFA
Divorce can be one of life’s most overwhelming transitions—but it can also be an opportunity for growth, strength, and transformation. In this episode of Divorce Diaries: Lessons from the Trenches, host Cary Jacobson sits down with Heather Quick, founder and CEO of Florida Women’s Law Group, to discuss why women often feel pressure to “give in” during divorce and how they can reclaim their power in the process. Heather shares her journey from prosecutor to women’s advocate, the most common challenges women face during divorce, and practical strategies for shifting from victimhood to authorship of your next chapter.
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I just watched, I'm like you're just caving in and whatever. But you know she just wants to be done. She wanted to be done. And so then, as I recognized that with women and I was like no, like don't quit. Now we're almost there, I know what you're entitled to. Like don't walk away from this. And I felt as though I could offer that you know as their attorney and build a practice like where we have got your back.
Intro/Close:Welcome to Divorce Diaries, where attorney Cary Jacobson brings you real stories, hard truths and practical advice on navigating divorce and family law. Whether you're going through it, considering it or just curious, this is your place for clarity, confidence and resilience.
Cary Jacobson:Welcome back to Divorce Diaries Lessons from the Trenches, the podcast where we talk about the real challenges, lessons learned from divorce and how to move forward with strength, clarity and peace. I'm your host, Cary Jacobson, divorce attorney, mediator and advocate for out-of-court resolutions. Today's episode is all about women's empowerment through divorce and how the process can look different for women compared to men. My guest, Heather Quick, is the founder and CEO of Florida Women's Group, and Heather is an incredible background. She began her career as a prosecutor and later practiced family law, criminal law and even medical malpractice litigation before opening her own firm in 2006. Since then, she's dedicated her career to advocating for women in divorce and family law matters. Heather is also the author of four books with a fifth on the way including Women's Guide to Divorce in Florida and Time to Fly the Untold Stories of Courageous Women Conquering Divorce. She's also the creator and podcast host of Women Winning Divorce. Heather, welcome so much to the podcast today.
Heather Quick:Thank you so much for having me. I am really excited to be here.
Cary Jacobson:Absolutely Well. I would love for you to share with our listeners a little bit about your journey and why you ended up starting Florida Women's Law Group.
Heather Quick:Sure. So this was back in, I think, 2010. And I was really trying to figure out what to do. As far as you know, legal career, I had been a prosecutor, worked in all these places and I needed to do something and, for those that recall, the economy was not in a great spot at that time. And so I, you know my first thought, which I think you know is normal for most people oh well, maybe I'll just go back and work for the firm that I did before Not really whether or not I love that job or it was great for me. I was like I probably should go do that, and they really weren't hiring, met with a partner, and so my husband encouraged me to open my own practice.
Heather Quick:Now, at the time, I was like, all right, I'll do it. You know he's like, oh, you have all this flexibility which we know is true, right, saturday, sunday, night, morning, day, all the you know, seven days a week, all the time. But I did, and you know we began doing that and I was really trying to find something that you know what would I practice. So I'd done criminal prosecution, I'd been a prosecutor, I had done a little defense, I'd definitely done family law. And then, of course, medmal. Well, I wasn't going to do PI, that didn't even meet the top 10 or anything.
Heather Quick:But then I was thinking it was criminal law, because I really enjoyed that, but I failed to recognize.
Heather Quick:I'm a prosecutor at heart, not a defense attorney, and and also, for whatever reason, I just was really getting more family law cases through my connections and they were coming and so I did that and I did what most every probably practitioner does when they first start family I represented either side. It didn't even occur to me at that time to do anything different and you know, the evolution of representing women only came through just a lot of really examining what kind of cases I had, what kind of cases gave me the most fulfillment, to where I felt like I could make the biggest difference. And that's really when I made the decision that we're going to represent women. Only because I really noticed that women kept going through the same patterns same patterns that I'd watch my mother go through when she had been through a couple of divorces and I thought I think we can. We can really make a difference here and in a difference that means something to me, by helping other women.
Cary Jacobson:Absolutely, and it's always. I do find, as practitioners, it is often an evolution, you know, taking on all of the cases at first and then kind of deciding what niche really speaks to us. I, you know, did something very similar and I just got out of the point, got to a point where the litigation was not fulfilling anymore, and so that's why we now focus on all out of court resolutions. But I think we all go through that to determine, you know kind of what our quote unquote specialty is going to be.
Heather Quick:Right, right, I agree.
Cary Jacobson:What are some of your personal and professional experiences that have really shaped that mission to empower women in the divorce process?
Heather Quick:Well, as I mentioned, you know my mother had been through a divorce, so my parents were divorced from one another when I was young, and then they subsequently both had been remarried a couple of times and then divorced a couple of times and then divorced.
Heather Quick:And so I remember watching my mom go through the divorce and felt like she didn't really stand, she wasn't really standing up for herself, right, valuing what she had brought to the marriage and and it really, you know, it was upsetting for her, really emotional, and there were no children from any of her other marriages, right, it was just financial. So it can still be extremely emotional. And you know there had been a, you know, power dynamic in the relationship and so she just felt, you know, from my perspective I don't know that we've ever really talked about it, but, like I just watched, I'm like you're just caving in and whatever, but you know she just wants to be done, she wanted to be done. And so then, as I recognize that with women, and I was like no, like don't quit. Now we're almost there, um, I know what you're entitled to, like don't walk away from this and I felt as though I could offer that, you know, as their attorney, and build a practice like where we have got your back, like you want, I know you want to quit, you think now is better, but if you'll, you know, for the cases that work that way or this is the best settlement, like, do it now, right Before you know you end up maybe not having as great an opportunity. And I really care about women. I think what they bring to the marriage has a lot of value.
Heather Quick:I at the time I was probably focusing more on my marketing at the time speaking to women, you know who are more stay-at-home moms and alimony, and you know when you if I think what you're, if your listeners don't know I will tell you your attorney does matter.
Heather Quick:And you know, if you have a really good attorney on those contested issues and you go to trial, it will make a difference. And so I just felt like because for me I really wanted to do something that meant something to me, just like you said. You know, you kind of you evolve into that where I don't, I'm not going to just run a business and do that Like if it doesn't have some purpose, for me that really makes it so much more important. And so that's really how that happened and it allowed. So it was my personal experiences and it was really like those had been long before I was a lawyer, you know. And then I'm representing the women. I'm like I'm seeing these patterns and you know, you really start thinking about it and seeing the patterns and that's when I was like that's it. I can apply all that I learned growing up and observing these different ideas and then now what I've seen in the legal arena and I can be helpful in that way.
Cary Jacobson:Right, yeah, how do you work with women who have that pattern of wanting to give up, wanting to give in, because it is something that I recognize as well. I do tend to find that it's primarily women, as opposed to men though sometimes it is men as well that want to, you know, move the case along and kind of get it over and done with. But how do you support them in knowing when it's right to proceed and when it's time to I don't want to say give in, but to, you know, to settle in essence?
Heather Quick:Well, I think it really matters Like one. Obviously, you know what's the what are we talking. You know what are the issues the finances or the children and you know, understanding their particular situation, what they told me they wanted. You know, understanding their particular situation, what they told me they wanted. You know we really work on what are your goals, objectives, and then, okay, how does that fit in with your case, the law, and what's the offer on the table? You know we in Florida, we have mandatory mediation in all family law cases, so there's always going to be an opportunity to settle. And you know it's kind of like if the offer is somewhere in between your best day and your worst day in court.
Heather Quick:Let's talk about the pros and cons. We really do try to work with our clients before mediation. Hey, what's the bottom? Like, where are you like walking away? Because then now, if we know ahead of time, right, we can look at that. But then, um, you know if In a lot of cases it's like their worst day in court, and you know we weren't, we're not doing that, and so you know this comes with the premise that we have a trusting relationship with our client.
Heather Quick:They trust us, they you know, and that's what we talk about. Obviously you've hired us. You want our advice. You know, if you don't want to go forward, if anything was that drastic I haven't had anybody not I might you know if, if you don't want to go forward, if anything was that drastic I haven't had anybody not I might you know I would probably make them sign a letter that this is against my advice and I don't recommend it. But like that doesn't make anybody feel any better after they've made a deal that they didn't want to do. So I think it's more of. You know we got to weigh your options. Know what, in a lot of cases back in the day I hate to date myself like that, but like there it was just the law was very favorable to alimony and it was very much dependent on what you could litigate. You know how good your attorney was and so we. I knew they had a very good chance and it was going to be, and the other guy's offering like nothing right, I mean it was really that crazy, because sometimes when we're in the middle, you know we got to look at both sides.
Heather Quick:The law has changed significantly in Florida and maybe you know, as I've gotten older and more experienced. I am a I've never been against settling. I'm always a huge proponent, and now, though, I I really am even more inclined because I feel like the judges make a lot of mistakes, they're really slow and it it's maybe not, it's probably not going to be your best outcome, if there's any opportunity at all. Right, Like, sometimes, you know you, we have those clients. The husband is just off, like it's never going to work, right, and that's just what it is. Everybody buckle up because we're going to litigation, and it's just the way it is, which is usually more dependent on their husband, and they can probably predict that very early on. So I think that's it.
Heather Quick:And now it's really one of the things that you know we talk to our clients about, especially when settling or mediation. It's like, listen, you're telling me, these certain things are important to you, right? Okay, you're not going to get those in front of a judge. He's never going to do it Like I or she. I promise you, I know enough like, these are very specific things you want. So if he's willing to give you that, like, if we can reach that, where are you willing to give? And let's keep in mind, in mediation there's an opportunity to be creative and get something that you're not going to get elsewise.
Heather Quick:So let's work towards that and I think that helps people with, especially when it comes to children.
Heather Quick:You know we've all got our own specific things and things that are special and that they want, because the money is what it is and you might have to give on the money or whatever in order to do that. But you know people know what they want. I try to really help them get clarity on if we can come to a settlement and not everybody has all these special requests but if there are things that are really, really important to you, um, you know this is a place where you can get that Right and you have to be very clear with clients. We also do like that's not happening in front of a judge. Never, any day of the week, is he ever, ever, ever going to carve out every single Wednesday afternoon for you two to go to church together? Like it's never happening. So, but it's that important Then let's try to work through. So, because things you know, there are certain things that are so important and that's why mediation is such a wonderful, wonderful tool.
Cary Jacobson:Absolutely, because they can really craft that agreement that fits their particular family's needs that they're, like you said, are not otherwise going to even come close to getting in court, because oftentimes you know the schedules, specifically in custody matters, are pretty cookie cutter when it comes to a court making the decision as to what the schedule is going to look like. Yeah, it's going to be the guidelines on as to what the schedule is going to look like.
Heather Quick:Yeah, it's going to be the guidelines on the holidays, the summer, all this stuff Like you're getting. You're not getting the first two weeks of July every year, because that's the year that's when your family goes on vacation. They just it would be just so very unlikely because you know for them to do it.
Cary Jacobson:Yeah, what are some of the most common challenges that you find that women face during divorce, whether it's emotional, financial or legal?
Heather Quick:It's probably all of them, right. You know especially, and I think, the majority of our clients it doesn't matter how educated you know anything you are. You could even have a law degree. You know doctors. It really is. It's different because it's one. It's not your specialty within this area of law and it's your life. It's your life and the emotions do take over so often. I find that to be very challenging for our clients and for us to help them. And I'm not saying don't have emotion, you're going to have them. You don't have control over that. But it's recognizing when this might be more of a emotional decision rather than a logical one. And you know how we proceed.
Heather Quick:I think oftentimes women some of the challenge financially, with the cost of representation, and they'll say well, I can't, you're for women, how are you charging me this much? But it's like, well, we are women and we run a great business, provide excellent service. We ought to be paid as well and we will be. And you know that sometimes happens. They're like I just can't believe this, but it they there's that you know, mindset of I don't know what, like I should be getting this for free. It's kind of a victim thing. Um, that we try to work through you know and and help them understand. But it's like you deserve to have legal representation and be advised. So that's a big one and you know, I think, just as you know and for your listeners you know the legal.
Heather Quick:Once you kind of get into that legal system, it's foreign, it is so crazy different, it's very, can be intimidating. We have a different language. We have all these rules and procedures that make no. It's very, can be intimidating. We have a different language. We have all these rules and procedures that make no sense right To regular people. Why is this taking so long? It's like, well, really, it's almost been six months, we're almost done, like that's great, you know, and they're like what you know? Or why does it take so long to get this? And it's like it does?
Heather Quick:It seems unreasonable for a regular, you know, for anybody who's not in it, and so I think that's a challenge because you know we work really hard to educate our clients, I'm sure, as you do, but there's only so much we can, you know, and we're trying to give you like on a need to know basis, right, because there's so much information coming at you. So we are trying to help you along. It's just a lot and not everybody can hear it all, or they try, but it's a lot to process because it is your life, so that also comes up with it. And that, I think, is the interesting challenge in particular family law, which makes it to me mean, you know, hey, we're really here to help you.
Heather Quick:You are a person, we're trying to help you grasp everything we've got you know to decide, and it is a lot and you know, I think that's what makes it really special and for people who really like family law is because they know they can really, you know, help individuals. It's like their worst thing that's ever happened to them, you know, like they're at their worst. They're just really can be sad, mad, you know, just, you know, confused, lots of things.
Cary Jacobson:Yes, there's so many emotions that go into it, whether it's because of custody related issues or even, you know, when we only have financial issues, there's still an emotional component. Do you ever have your clients work with either a therapist or a divorce coach throughout the process?
Heather Quick:Yes, ideally. Yes, can't make anybody do anything. And they say, well, it's already so expensive, you know it's like, well, it'll really make your legal cost less. Well, it's already so expensive, you know it's like, well, it'll really make your legal cost less. We very encourage it so much. I wish more people would.
Heather Quick:I think there's a place for both therapy and coaching and ideally you would have one of each right. But you know, I think part of I've wondered this so often, Cary, I'd love to know, like your experience, like cause, we see as it is, anytime you're on the outside looking in, but I see all the things that you need and all the things that I know will be helpful. But for our clients, the conclusion I've come to is they're overwhelmed and there's just only so much. Yeah, right, like, like, I really do. I have all these books. I was like I want you to read this, I have all these resources, like I want you. They're only willing and able to do so much and they don't always use the coaching or the therapy.
Heather Quick:It's unfortunate, because I do think it can help in so many ways and really maybe even reduce their attorney sees, you know, if they had that. But I, I, I strongly encourage it. I talk about it all the time, like on our podcast, with guests like you know who? I have a lot of the guests that are doing that right. They are the coaches, they are the mental health professionals, because this is your like, this is a major, you know, traumatic event in your life that will affect you forever and it can affect your health. Certainly you know your mental health, but also your physical health and really, when you have those lined up, I do think those clients are the most successful Right and probably more successful sooner. Right Because they had those resources to help them.
Cary Jacobson:Yeah, I agree, when they're really working with that support team, the attorney or the mediator or, and the mediator and the coach, you know, having all of those team members in place, I agree A lot of people believe, well, isn't that overkill? It's a lot of money, but in the long run it helps you get to the result quicker because you're dealing with those emotional components with, you know, with the professional that deals with the emotional components, so that you're ready to deal with the legal components, with the professional that deals with the legal components, finding the make sure that they can, you know, have access to all those resources and understand, you know kind of the why behind it is sometimes hard to get across.
Heather Quick:It is, and I do think it is really a situation of how much bandwidth do I have? Right, I don't have the mental energy, I don't have the emotional energy to add that right now, and I, I completely understand that I get that, I do, and I. That's why it's like, well, not that I could make anybody do it anyway, but, um, you know, it's like I, I hear you, I I'm here to support you. It's just we think this would be very helpful think this would be very helpful.
Cary Jacobson:Yeah, you mentioned earlier sometimes women feeling like they are the victim. How can women begin shifting from feeling like the victim to being the authors of their next chapter?
Heather Quick:That's a big question, right. That's like a whole episode. So it I think it's just taking that first step and honestly, like a lot of things. Right, that's like a whole episode. So I think it's just taking that first step and honestly, like a lot of things right. Like, okay, acknowledging understanding really what that role is and if you believe and you're willing to take responsibility for you know that, 100% responsibility A lot of coaches talk about that and really take that on and willing to do that and really begin to look at certain roles Maybe you've played, just because it's been a pattern, you know.
Heather Quick:If you're willing to look at that, I think that is the first step and in determining that maybe that doesn't serve you right, because I think if you continue in that role, even if maybe you're not in awareness about it right now right, and that would be most likely it, because nobody hears that word and says, oh, I want to be a victim, that I would believe. I think that you're just not an awareness of that. But when you see that we all operate under patterns and that maybe you could do something different and act in a different way, and what would that look like for your life? I think it starts with a like, you know, and that's why divorce is such a great time, which, I know that sounds terrible, but like it's an opportunity you have. Like you have such an opportunity to really understand yourself, understand how you showed up in a relationship, understand just who you are and and give yourself the time and grace to figure out who you are and who you want to be.
Heather Quick:And maybe you were playing that role subconsciously, just because that was kind of a role you'd always played in your family. And then you know, through coaching, through there's so many resources, so many great podcasts and so many great coaches and therapists out there but, like you know, listening to things and maybe reflecting on how, how do you want to show up later? And I think then that's the invitation that somebody who's going through something that is really difficult, challenging, life-changing, all those things it's an opportunity there where you can say, hey, maybe I want to do something different, because don't you think? I think, as the victim, you're just always getting the raw end of the deal. So if you could flip that script that you know won't be your story anymore, which could be amazing for your life.
Cary Jacobson:A hundred percent and I agree that the divorce, while we don't want you know, we never wish divorce on anyone but we recognize that it can be a time of such growth opportunity because things are shifting and now you know you can create that next chapter in any way that you truly want it to look like.
Heather Quick:Yeah, which is amazing because you know you got married. You know things happen fast. All of a sudden you're in a role that maybe maybe you did envision, maybe it's not as great as you thought, maybe it was wonderful, but, like now it's changing. Or maybe you got your. You're like, wow, how did I get here? And this isn't what I thought it would be like right, when I was getting married 10, 15 years ago. But that's okay. You know we, you have so much opportunity to you know you might have to like, look at how you identify yourself. Right, you're not going to be a wife or I mean you're still be a mother, but you want to like who are you? What else? What else are you have the opportunity now to, to be and do. And that's where I think is, you know, a great opportunity that when we have that in our life to really begin to tap into our full potential of what we can be and you know what we can, how we can show up for ourselves and others it's amazing, absolutely.
Cary Jacobson:And also really take a minute to reclaim what brought me joy, right, and really lean into that.
Heather Quick:Yeah, because that's like we were just joy, right, and and really lean into that. Yeah, because that's, um, like we were just talking right, you and I've done that with our practices. We were like, hey, we don't have to just show up and do something we don't want to do every day. We can, we can reshape that and make it something that gives us joy, has purpose for us. Everybody can do that, you know, and just in their own way, with their life, and I think that's what's awesome.
Cary Jacobson:Absolutely Well. I know that you are also the host of a podcast Women Winning Divorce. What conversations there have resonated most with your audience?
Heather Quick:Well, you know a lot of it.
Heather Quick:We try to deliver a lot of content about the process.
Heather Quick:You know, certainly in the beginning, right, what to expect, but now we've really evolved and I think we've gotten a lot of really good feedback on episodes that do talk about how you can begin to heal yourself and ways you can reinvent yourself.
Heather Quick:I've also had some amazing guests, like you know, and talking about you know, maybe even how to show up better or how to, you know, be more present or get more out of your marriage and how that can happen, and I think you know it's definitely positive, right. We've had some you know we have some heavy topics, but, you know, trying to really provide a place for women that it's a resource where they can learn maybe they're in the divorce or maybe they're out of it now, and there's still a lot there about you know becoming who you really want to be, and so I think those are some of our most popular episodes where maybe there's something talking about a new healing thing that you can do, and I think people really like that. They listen to it. So those are some of the things that have been real popular.
Cary Jacobson:That's awesome. You know everyone's who might be going through it or has or is in the process or recovering from divorce. Um, you know, having those resources and tools is always super helpful.
Heather Quick:And it's really nice, cause, you know, with divorce, um, we're not going to put that on the TV in the living room, right? So a podcast, it's such way to consume because you can put your AirPods in or you can be in your car by yourself, you can. You know, maybe you're thinking about it, you don't know, you're trying to educate yourself, which is great. You don't have to do that publicly, right? Right? You don't have to be on a webinar where anybody can see your name or a FaceTime. Instagram Live, instagram live. You can consume this information on your own and make your own decisions, so that, to me, it allows for people in private space, you know, to learn.
Cary Jacobson:Right and to take it in as, so it's not so overwhelming as well.
Heather Quick:It's true, it's true, and I think that's where I you know, where I say I mean I'm very much into education and helping our clients. Like that's really a lot of it I want to resource, I want you to learn and from you know the process is going to be, because then I feel like then you know clients can make better decisions for themselves and feel better about the decisions, because there's so much of the unknown, you know, in their divorce.
Cary Jacobson:Absolutely own, you know, in their divorce. Absolutely Well, if you could give one piece of advice to a woman who is just beginning the divorce process and feels a little overwhelmed, what would that be?
Heather Quick:Okay, oh my God, there's so many good things I could say, so I hope. I hope your listeners aren't mad at me for saying this but start writing stuff down. I'm not even going to I mean, I can use the word journal but, like, start writing some of the things you are experiencing and feeling down, because what I really will promise you is there's going to be growth, even if you're kicking and screaming the whole way. It's inevitable through a divorce, right, because it usually does end up happening. But you'll see a transformation in yourself and you know, I think if you can write things down because there is a lot coming at you during a divorce and write, even if it's just your questions or you know, allowing yourself to be curious about who you could be, and by writing that down, you are putting it out there in the universe and you're taking those first steps to. You know, dealing with the emotions and the flood of information and decisions. And I have found that our clients who do write stuff down sometimes they come to me with their list.
Heather Quick:I'm like bring it on, bring it on, let's go through them all. And then you feel you know, then you feel like, oh, okay, I I've been giving it the thought and writing it down, so that is. I think if there was only one thing you could do, you're right. Like don't tell me, do anything else, Like turn to me a list. That would be the thing that I think will really make a difference for you in your future.
Cary Jacobson:That's a great piece of advice. Well, Heather, thank you so much for joining us today and the incredible work that you're doing to empower women during and after divorce. You've shown us that, while divorce can be one of life's most difficult transitions, it can also be an opportunity for growth, courage and transformation. Tell people where they can find you.
Heather Quick:Absolutely so. Our website floridawomenslawgroup. com, and we are also across all the social media and LinkedIn and my name, Heather Quick. You can find us, and the podcast is Women Winning Divorce. Because I think you can win and you don't have to make somebody else lose, right? If you can achieve your goals, that's a win. And I believe in celebrating our, our wins, as small as they are, every day, because that I'm competitive. Probably, really, if we're going to be honest, I'm just competitive but and I like to win. So thank you so much for having me.
Cary Jacobson:Absolutely Well for all of our listeners. Thanks again for tuning in to divorce diaries lessons from the trenches. I'm your host, Cary Jacobson. Until next time, remember, divorce doesn't define you, it refines you.
Intro/Close:Thanks for joining us today on this episode of Divorce Diaries. Remember every journey is unique, but you don't have to navigate it alone. Visit JacobsonFamilyLaw. com or call 443-726-4912 for support and guidance.