Dissolve Your Fear of Being Seen...INSTANTLY

In today’s episode, we're dissolving the pesky little "fear of being seen" instantly, once and for all. If you’ve been holding yourself back from getting on YouTube, going live on webinars, or fully expressing yourself in your online business, it’s time to look at what’s actually happening when you sit down to film. What if you don't have a fear of being seen?

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Well, hello there, you eternal being. In today's episode, I'm going to help you to dissolve the fear of being seen instantly, once and for all. We can also call this a brainwashing session. This is one of the brainwashing sessions from the podcast. Every so often I get on here and really wash your brain clean of all the nonsense that this world has imprinted upon you. And so today, that pesky little fear of being seen that's been going around like a virus for the past couple generations is what we're going to tackle. This is a especially big issue with those of us who want to do an online business, and maybe it's not, you're not really fully expressing yourself, you're holding yourself back. It's maybe sabotaging you. You know, you want to get on YouTube, but you're a little bit uncomfortable. A lot of people stay in the Instagram territory because they feel a little bit more comfortable posting a 30-second reel or clip or even a picture and not talking in front of a camera. Some people, this holds them back in their ability to show up for a live webinar. You know, you're afraid to go live because, oh my God, what if I mess up? This especially is holding a lot of people back when it comes to your YouTube videos. Something about the fact that billions of people get on that platform every day, and it's like, you know, whoa, if I post a video, there's a chance that millions or billions of people will see it. One of my clients had a breakthrough last year, a breakthrough video. And he said he didn't realize how afraid he was of being seen until he had millions of views on a video. And that once he got those views on his video, he was like, wow, I didn't realize how much I was actually secretly holding myself back because of this um fear of being seen, basically, that it was like a shock to his nervous system. So there's all kinds of trash talk around being on camera that I've heard a lot over the past couple years of teaching online business. So people might say, I don't like the sound of my voice, I don't like the way I look on camera, I'm just not good on camera, um, I'm not a natural at it and all that stuff. And that's not really what I'm talking about today. Okay. So that's a whole separate can of worms. I'm not talking about your confidence in front of the camera. Because truth be told, that confidence stuff, that is, that is actually something that everybody and anybody can fix. You know, there are people that I'm working with who they aren't, they aren't really confident in front of the camera yet, but they're not really like afraid to be in front of the camera. They don't have this weird fear of being seen that makes them feel all locked up. So that's a totally separate issue. As an aside, though, I do want to mention this is the first point. If you feel at all any resistance about your work and showing up in front of people, one of the best things that you could possibly do for that is to be brutal and ruthless about practicing and mastering the skill of just basically communication. So, what I mean by that is really practice, practice speaking when you're on your walks, practice reciting your opener for your videos. Really recite and practice these things. Okay. That's just as an aside point number one. Let's always practice. The more that you practice, even while you're talking to another person, as you're practicing listening and really feeling as natural as you can talking to other people, that's actually more of a practice. That's something that every human being who takes on speaking in front of a camera or public speaking in general, that's something that you will master with time. That just does take a lot of practice, okay? But what I wanted to specifically address here today, like I've already said, um, it's the fear of being seen that a lot of people say, I have a fear of being seen. I really have a fear of being seen. There's this fear of being seen, the fear of being seen, the fear of being seen. And then we have coaches getting out there creating work about how to heal your fear of being seen. And you have a fear of being seen and it's holding you back and all that stuff. And then also, I've seen this title. I've seen you don't have a blah, blah, blah. You have a fear of being seen, you don't have an abuse problem, you have a fear of being seen, you don't have a money problem, you have a fear of being seen. And it's like people have been putting this onto you. So it's kind of a two-pronged problem that we have in the zeitgeist, where a lot of people are saying, Oh, I really am like terrified, terrified to get in front of a camera and feeling uncomfortable to get in front of a camera. And then we have a lot of coaches saying, Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's called a fear of being seen, and they're pathologizing something. So let me get this cleared up once and for all. Because it's driving me nuts. I'm seeing coaches out there charging thousands of dollars to help you to heal your quote-unquote fear of being seen. You actually don't really have a quote-unquote fear of being seen. So I just dissolved it for you instantly. And I know that might sound like it's lacking in compassion, but hear me out. You're gonna feel the love and the compassion in a moment. You don't have a fear of being seen. You don't. A fear of being seen doesn't really exist. Of course, we can feel uncomfortable speaking in front of crowds, speaking in um in front of live events. Of course, you might feel some fear about doing your life's work. Of course, maybe some of us are a little bit more uncomfortable being in front of camera than others. But to pathologize it and uh slap a label on it saying you have a fear of being seen, and it's this thing that you have to figure out and you have to navel gaze about it and meditate about it and talk to a therapist about it and all of this stuff, it's conceptualizing something that doesn't need to be conceptualized. So here's the honest to God's truth. Every single time that I ever film a video and push the upload button, I'm feeling some fear. Almost every person who does anything in terms of getting their selves themselves in front of other people, they're feeling they're feeling some sensations about it. There are singers that have talked about this. Shania Twain had extreme stage fright, quote unquote stage fright. Fiona Apple, same thing, stage fright. Most singers have some fear before they get on stage. What I want us to let go of for just a moment with me, let go of the label of fear of being seen and just take a look at what's actually happening. So this is what I do when people tell me in a live event or in a training that they have a fear of being seen. I say, how does that manifest? And it stops the gears turning for just a moment, just long enough where I can see a little light bulb start to form in their head. I said, How does it manifest? Well, they say, Well, I've not been posting videos and I'm not doing as much work as I'd like to be doing. I said, No, no, no, no, no. I'm talking about you go to turn the camera on, you put the memory card in there, or you turn your phone on, you get your mic all set up, you sit down to film. What's happening there? Now, the first thing I want to point out is a lot of people are saying, I have a fear of being seen, and they're not actually doing anything to even prove that they have a fear of being seen. So, what I mean by that is when I take people through that first thing that I just said, well, they're like, well, I truth, I truth be told, I haven't really filmed anything in the past couple months. So let me think about it. So, first of all, they're just saying, I have a fear of being seen, and then they're not even doing anything. They're just saying, I have a fear of being seen. But then when I say, okay, well, really think about it. When you do set up your camera, talk in front of a camera, you know, what's happening in your body? And they lay it out for me. They say, Well, I feel this tight stuff in my chest. I feel this thing happening, and I'm and then I say, What else? I feel this thing happening in my diaphragm area, my solar plexus, my stomach gets all flippy. Okay, cool. What else? I feel this tightness behind my jaw. There's like a couple different things. I feel sweaty on my palms. I have somebody said they had they had sweat dripping down their back, down their butt crack or whatever. Sorry for the visual, but like they're like, I get all sweaty, my back gets covered in sweat, whatever. And I always get to tell them, me too. Me too. Cool, me too. Of course, mine isn't as extreme because I've been doing this for 16 years, but me too, bro. Me too. So then I say, what else you got? Okay. And I'm not, I'm not, what I'm not doing here, I want you to understand, I'm not taking what you're feeling and experiencing and saying it doesn't matter. It matters a great deal that you experience a tight chest when you're about to film, that you feel unpleasant sensations in your body, what we can deem sensations you would rather not be having. That's fine. There's nothing wrong with those sensations. And it's important for you to understand, I empathize with those sensations. But those sensations actually aren't you having a fear of being seen. And I'm not trying to gaslight you here. I'm not trying to gaslight you. I want you to really take in what I'm saying. When we have sensations in the body, and then we give it a label like fear of being seen. This is a fear of being seen. Now, what we've just done is we've taken a perfectly natural response to doing our life's work, something that we're going to feel, and we've pathologized it and made it something that we have to solve. You don't actually have to solve the sensations that come with doing exhilarating work. Do you understand what I mean? You don't actually have to solve for problems that don't exist. Just like you don't have to solve for when you do pull-ups, you're gonna feel sensations. I used to hate doing pull-ups when I first started exercising. And every time I did a pull-up, it my whole body would seize up and I'd get so frustrated, and I couldn't quite get myself above the bar, and I would have pain in my biceps. My biceps would burn. I would feel all kinds of stuff going on in my abs because you really have to get your abs tight. But when you do a pull-up, and all these things were happening, and I couldn't quite get myself above the bar, and I was kicking as hard as I could, and I was like, oh, and I was feeling so much frustration inside my system. And then afterwards, I'd be really sore in my arms, but I didn't quite get the pull-up done or whatever. And I could have said, I have a fear of doing pull-ups. I have this mind block about pull-ups. I have this weird thing in my mind where every time I try to go to do a pull-up, it's this frustrating experience, and I get all these sensations in my body, and I can't quite get myself above the bar. You know what? I didn't do that because I understood there are sensations that happen when we're doing something that's kind of out of our realm at the current, you know, at the current moment. Instead, what I did was every damn day I put a little pull-up bar above my bedroom door, and every damn day I'd fight with that feeling and I'd embrace it fully because I knew that those sensations are natural part of the process of doing a pull-up. And so, um, and by the way, this tone isn't meant to be like hustle, bro, you know, this tone is more directed at the nonsense coaches who were out there trying to help you with your fear of being seen. When really, surprise, surprise, unfortunately, unfortunately, it's part of the process. But anyway, so I would try to do a pull-up every damn day, understanding those sensations are part of the process. And then I ended up now at this point today, at 40 years old, I can do uh 12 fresh pull-ups before a workout because over the years, I've just embraced that sensation of discomfort and the burning and the frustration and the feeling of inferiority when I first started. And I embraced it all because that's part of the process. So we have millions of people out here labeling themselves as having a fear of being seen and paying paying coaches thousands of dollars to help them with that fear of being seen. But the problem is you're asking to be absolved of a feeling that is part of the creative process. So part of the creative process is you're going to feel sensations in your body. Part of the creative process that involves you showing up and doing your life's work in a way where you're gonna be distributing it to millions, perhaps billions of people, is you're going to feel sensations. You're going to feel uncomfortable. You're going to feel a sensation in your chest. You're going to feel sensations in your diaphragm. You're going to feel sensations all throughout your body. You're going to feel the sensations of electricity flowing through you because that's the nature of doing something incredible, which is your life's work. And so it's just like if a college kid started going to college and then they're they're feeling some trepidation about the curriculum and following their dreams and passions, and then they're, you know, getting frustrated and having their brain sweat a little when they're doing homework, and they're like, I have a fear of doing homework. Do you know? I have a fear of doing this work. And then they kind of throw the books aside and they run to now I'm not saying you're doing this, but I'm saying then there's a bunch of coaches in the imagine a bunch of coaches in the campus of a college saying, Do you have a fear of college? Do you have a fear of doing your homework? Do you have a fear of doing the work? Do you have a fear of this? Do you have a fear of this? That's what's happening here. And it's not even in plain sight. It's kind of the hidden thing that's happening here is there are millions of beautiful business owners who are facing the exhilarating experience of actually putting yourself out to where you should be putting yourself out to, to the world. Your work is being seen, you're expressing your heart and soul. That requires some vulnerability. And I'll give it to you. It requires the sensations that happen in the body that we might label fear. And you're feeling these sensations, and it's a normal part of the process. And then we've got coaches and quote unquote experts saying, You have a fear of being seen? Do you have sensations happening in your body that are holding you back? Come to me and pay me lots of money, and I'll absolve you of those feelings. You won't ever have to feel a sensation when you're doing your life's work. That's not how it works. This kind of thing drives me nuts. So you don't have a fear of being seen. You're experiencing the sensations that will come with doing your life's work. When we do a diet, there's going to be some sensations in the belly that we can call hunger. I know that this sounds kind of cut and dry, but I want to make it cut and dry because it is very cut and dry. I want to really, I want to really emphasize to you, I feel sensations when I'm creating stuff. I feel sensations that I could label a fear of being seen. And you might not believe me because of the way that I show up on camera or whatever. But once again, going back to the pull-ups, the reason that I'm able to show up the way that I do with my life's work and create whatever it is I'm creating and post it out there and seem so confident is because I am confident because I slogged through that sensation and I didn't label it fear of being seen and paid thousands of dollars to some therapist or coach to try to help me to not feel the feelings that are natural in the creative process. So I would like to just share with you my day-to-day and how it works and the sensations that come with the creative process so that you really understand realistically what this entails. I wake up and I meditate for a little bit, and then I face the blank page every day. And the blank page, it's blank, and there's always a sensation in my body of um, it's like an itch to be scratched, you know. I want to say, say like for today's episode, I have a lot to say about the fear of being seen, and I want to say it in an authentic way, but I have to get it down, all these thoughts down on a page. And so there's this rushing sensation of it's kind of a frustrating feeling, the creative process. There's frustration in there because there's resistance, or not resistance, there's um friction, there's friction. There's friction whenever something's coming out and through you, because there's the unseen part and you have to synthesize it with your mind and get it out on paper. That's actually kind of a frustrating experience by nature. You do get into a flow there, but there's a little bit of friction that's natural. Um, and sometimes, if I'm being honest, sometimes I'm sitting there writing and it's feeling kind of boring, or it's feeling kind of arduous, or it's feeling a little bit feeling joyful, feeling there's goods and bad, there's good and bad ups and downs, but every day I just come to the page and know that whatever emotions or sensations are arising, that's fine. When I go to film a video, as I'm blow-drying my hair and get ready, getting ready for a video and sitting down to turn the camera on, there are sensations in my body. There's a um there's a sensation always in my chest. You don't get, you don't get to not, you don't get to do the work that really excites you and thrills you and that really sets your heart on fire, and also not feel sensations in your body. So I feel those sensations, and I do it anyway, because you get to choose. Do you want to feel comfortable in your life and never feel sensations or fear, anxiety, maybe a little bit of anxiety or a lot of anxiety or whatever? Would you like to live your life doing your work and feeling some of those sensations and getting comfortable with them? Or would you like to not feel those sensations and do the safe route? Would you like to ride a roller coaster and feel some some sensations, or would you like to go for a walk in the park and feel, you know, go to the same park every day and you know it that's kind of the the name of the game here. It's not one's not right or wrong, one's not good or bad, but I want to let you know there's no such thing as a fear of being seen. Does not exist. Does not exist. There's just doing your life's work, doing exhilarating work, and we can sit here and pathologize it and try to say, I have a fear of being seen and all that stuff. So does everybody else. All of us do. Almost everybody does, really. And but what but why I'm saying you don't really have a fear of being seen is in that label, that label, the attempt to pathologize a perfectly natural part of this whole process. You don't have a fear of being seen. You're doing your life's work and sensations are arising. So the less you focus on the fear of being seen, you more just focus on doing your life's work. That's how you absolve yourself of this quote unquote fear of being seen. To to instantly absolve yourself from the fear of being seen is to realize it doesn't really exist. You're feeling something that's completely natural and part of the process. Um, we've pathologized something that doesn't need to be pathologized, but the less that you focus on the on the sensations, let them happen. Don't fight with them, but just do the do the work anyway. Feel the fear and do it anyway, really. Just like imposter syndrome does not exist. Imposter syndrome does not exist, and that's another episode. We'll have to stay tuned for next week's episode or whatever. But um I just think sometimes the human species, um the human species is so magnificent, but we can also get ourselves tangled up in these problems that aren't really problems. We're doing self-manufactured issues, um, especially nowadays where we get, we've gotten this beautiful gift of introspection over the past couple generations. And I think we've done a really good job at figuring out our stuff in here, and I'm pointing to my heart, our inner workings, our stuff in here, I think we've done a marvelous job of getting to the root of some of our deep pain and traumas and all of that. But I think that the kind of slingshot effect to that is sometimes we are keeping ourselves stuck where we don't really need to be stuck. So if you're ever pathologizing something, and the result of that pathologizing the thing is you spending time doing anything that's not your work, it's a waste of time. Like imposter syndrome. Every minute that we spend talking about our imposter syndrome, trying to figure out imposter syndrome, trying to be free of it, paying therapists money to be absolved of the imposter syndrome, that's time you're wasting that you could be just doing your life's work. Every time that you're listening to this, hopefully let this be the last time that you listen to anything talking about your fear of being seen. Anytime that you're looking to absolve that sensations that come with doing your life's work, you're spending time that you could be spending doing your life's work. Anytime that you're trying to get out, get out of jail free card, that's basically why it drives me nuts, is because the implicit kind of hope there is can I please do something magnificent with my life and never feel any sensations when I'm doing it? Can I just make this whole process feel like a big giant cotton candy um vending machine every time that I'm doing this? Can this just feel like a total cakewalk, like a slide down the candy land slide on that game board? And unfortunately, no. Unfortunately, you will enjoy your business and your life and your and the process. And that's kind of the whole point. We're doing this for freedom. We're doing this for enjoyment, we're doing this for the exhilaration of doing our life's work. But also in there, implicit in the journey, is you have to, you must come to terms with when you're doing something exhilarating, there's going to be sensations. Sometimes those sensations are actually things that human beings just haven't been acquainted with. So many. Many people start doing their their life's work and they're doing these big, beautiful projects, and they have never felt the exhilaration of letting the divine beloved pour a project through you. There's actually a lot of energy there. So you could call it fear. I mean, some people don't understand, they've never had these feelings before of holy shit, I'm posting videos, and they really, they really are like honoring my life's work, or I'm getting my ideas out there, and you're you're actually finally seeing the stuff that was within you for years and years and years out in the world. Maybe you're getting some sales from it. All of a sudden your identity starts shifting, you know, and it's like, oh my God. And then also you're experiencing that energy flowing through you. The more you give, the more you're given. So it's kind of like a fire hose. The more you give out into the world, the more you're given energetically. That comes through energetically, by the way. And so a lot of business owners are like, what the hell is this feeling? This is a fear of being seen. What is it? And then the coach says, Don't worry, that's a fear of being seen. Give me $5,000 so we can talk about it for 15 hours. And I'll absolve you of the fear of being seen. Let's talk about it. Don't do your life's work. Don't sit down and write a bunch of stuff. No, no, no, no. Don't get in front of the camera. You have a fear of being seen. Let's talk about your fear of being seen. And I'm just saying, screw all of that bullshit. Just get to work. Do your life's work. Know there's sensations involved. Love the process as much as you can. While you're once you get used to these sensations and you start seeing the magnificent journey unfold, you can look back even after a month of doing your work, and you can look back and see very clearly, oh my God, I'm so glad I did it. You can also look back. Here's my promise to you, and here's what I'll leave you with. If you dedicate yourself to just doing your life's work, filming some excellent videos that are the best that you can right now. They don't have to be perfect, just do something that you love and then post them, and then post them, and then post them. And then also do some live offerings, do some live webinars, you know, spend about six months really noticing that you're gonna feel sensations, be okay with the sensations, open your heart to them, breathe through them when they happen, get comfortable with that sensation. And what happens is you get to look back and see the mosaic of work that's behind you that is so beautiful. You get to see all the progress you made. There's no such thing as a get out of jail free card, but there's also no such thing as doing that day by day, step by step, without seeing a beautiful mosaic emerge in front of your very eyes. This is how we grow our business. This is how we get freedom. The ultimate capital F, R E E, D O M freedom. The way we get this freedom is by going through. You know, you have to go through. You have to go through the passage of those uncomfortable feelings. You really do. You have to feel the feelings. You don't get to uh not feel the feelings. And then once you do, then you're free. That's actually the key here for me, you know, freedom. That real true freedom comes from the fact that you can know that you're gonna feel these feelings, then that you're not owned by these feelings, you're not dragged around by these feelings, you get to do your life's work anyway. So you don't have a fear of being seen. You're a magnificent, eternal being. The world needs your message today, even if you do have some sensations, even if you have a lot of sensations, and let those sensations move you forward. I hope you found today's episode helpful. If you could leave me a review, that would be marvelous. And if you'd like the big money blueprint, my five part training series to help business owners like you to really double or triple or quadruple your profits this year, you can go to Brendaturner.comslash big, and I'll see you in the next episode.