#6 How to Raise Up a Child Effectively

In this episode, I discuss the significance of raising children according to Proverbs 22:6, emphasizing the importance of physical, emotional, and spiritual presence in their lives. I share practical tips on engaging with children, the necessity of discipline, and the importance of encouragement and building self-esteem. The conversation highlights the role of fathers in shaping their children's futures and the lasting impact of their guidance.

• Train up a child in the way they should go.
• Physical engagement, like wrestling, fosters bonding.
• Nonverbal communication is crucial for confidence.
• Verbal affirmations help children understand their worth.
• Let children experience adversity to build character.
• Speak to children about their potential and future.
• Be present physically, mentally, and spiritually.
• Discipline should come from parents, not others.
• Avoid participation trophies to teach real-world lessons.
• Encouragement builds self-esteem and trust in parents.

Inspiration source: Men in the Arena | Christian Men's Podcast

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YouTube: @CarryYourCrossStudios

Chapters

• 0:16 Intro to Parenting Principles
• 1:10 Physical Connection with Children
• 2:58 Verbal Communication and Engagement
• 4:49 Setting Expectations and Allowing Adversity
• 6:44 Being Present in Your Child's Life
• 8:16 Discipline and Natural Consequences
• 11:15 Affirmation and Encouragement
• 16:29 Building Trust and Self-Esteem

Transcript

Proverbs 22 6 train up a child in the way he should go Even when he is old he will not depart from it Hello everyone welcome to episode 6 in my last episode I spoke about the the impact that a father's attendance has on his family if he attends church, so that was episode 5 if you haven't listened to it go check it out

but there I discuss the impact of a father's attendance in church on his family. So pretty good episode and it's going to be important that you listen to it because I spoke about the importance of raising your children correctly. And so this episode is going to be about Proverbs 22 6. So what does it mean to

train up a child in the way they should go and also how do you train up a child in the way they should go. So let's dive right in. Number one, get physical. Offer a meaningful touch to your kids. So what I like to do is I like to wrestle with my son. Him and I get a lot out of doing that. It's our way to bond

our way to really connect and it's a surefire way for me to with him, especially when I get home from work or it's been a long day and he's been at daycare or what have you. When him and I see each other, we go straight into wrestling. Another thing that I like to do with him is I like to hug him. you know, in tight with those...

those hugs and squeezing him and we're just squeezing each other. He's just trying to scratch me all up and he's trying to attack me and climb me in all kinds of different ways. So you physical with your kids. Number two, nonverbal contact. It's important that we make eye contact and smile at our kids.

So eye contact is super important. It's going to teach our kids to be confident when speaking to someone or looking to someone that you want to engage by making eye contact. I like to, you know, obviously make eye contact with my son, but I also like to be silly. So really depends on the age of your children. My son is quite young.

So I'm going to speak in that context. But yes, making eye contact with our children. So I like to make goofy faces with son. I like to kind of raise my eyebrows and sort of open my eyes wide so that he gets a kick out of it. But nonverbal contact is another way train up your child and engage them. Number three, verbal. We got to get verbal.

So what does that mean? So you're saying things like, I love you, know, words of affirmation, which we'll get into, but start at, love you. So speak their language, find out what their gifts are. So Sebastian is very much into getting involved what my wife and I do around the house.

He gets very much involved with the chores that he sees my wife and I doing. And he just wants to be there. He wants to be in the middle, sort of copying what we're doing. he just, picks up, he's like a sponge. He wants to just basically copy us. I've also noticed that

He's very emotionally in tuned. So, obviously all kids are emotional in some sense, but what I mean by that is he, he really understands his emotions and there's times when I can tell that, you know, he's, he's really feeling something or he's really considering or he's deep in thought. And it's, it's striking to me at a young age that

I'm already noticing that. it's getting verbal, speaking their language and noticing things that they're starting to do and develop in. So I've noticed that so far my son is a, he's a natural leader and we need to get down to their level, speak their language and speak in that direction.

Another thing, so number four, get tough. So we have to attach high value and expectation to our children. So for example, them to a higher level. See something in them that they don't see in themselves. We gotta let our kids suffer. And I know that sounds harsh. course, we're not gonna let them suffer.

uncontrollably or things that are going to harm them. But we have to let them fight adversity. You know, we can't be parents and solve every single one of their problems because they're never going to grow. Right. We have to let them go through adversity, go through some hardship because that's going to build character. It's going to build

strategies for them to overcome and persevere through situations. So gotta let them suffer a little bit. And there's nothing wrong with that, you know? It's actually counterintuitive to be a helicopter parent. And I know that sometimes it's hard not to be.

but we have to attach high value and expectation to our children. And the best way to do that is to let them go through some things.

Number five, get prophetic. So speak to them about a greater future. Emphasize their gifts, abilities, talents, personalities, and spiritual talents. And we want to speak in these directions.

That's why it's important for us to noticing our children are into, what their strengths are. Again, we have to get down to their level. We have to understand their personalities, their talents. And we really need to take time emphasize these things.

I know it can be tough for parents work a long time if your job is a, you know, if you're getting home late in the evening, it's important to realize for the next 20 to 25 years, the time that your kids really have with you is from the moment that you get home from work until the

the moment they go to sleep. And that's going to be the prime time that memories are made with your children. And those are the times that your children are going to remember you. So it's very important that when you get home from work, it's important to be present. important that you forget about your work day.

and that you become present and engaged with your children because again, from the moment you get home, which is late already as it is, until the moment that they fall asleep is the time that they will have to make the best memories with you. So leads me to number six. Be physically, mentally,

spiritually and emotionally present with your children.

So present, what does that mean? You show up to events. You're around for at least one meal a day. It's crucial that we're physically present. there. We're there with our masculine presence. We're engaging them in conversation. We're making eye contact. We're physically there, We're telling them love them.

So just important that they have data around and that they get to see that data is engaging in the same sort of activities that they're also engaging in.

being mentally present. So do not mentally check out after work. Like I said, time you get home until the time that they fall asleep, which is maybe between two and four hours is the time that you're going to have make the most memories. And those are the times that your children

are going to remember most about you. So men, these next 20 to 25 years of raising children, this is what it's gonna be like. So again, being present, not checking out after you get home from work. And I know it's hard, but we have to train ourselves. We have to train ourselves and remember what's the

goal is. So it's going to take some adjusting, but it's meant to be worth it. Being spiritually present. lead your families to church. Be spiritual leaders. So I spoke about this in episode five. As a father, as a husband, and as a man overall, it's very important that we're leading

our families to church, we're being the spiritual leaders that our community and our families need. So when we're taking that first step, when we're being vulnerable and we're leading, number one, our families follow. And number two, you give other members in the community to do the same.

And being emotionally present. So nurturing them along their path of their own poor choices. So like little Johnny is going to mess up. He's going to make a poor choice. It's our job to there for them as fathers. It's our job to train them through that process of that poor choice. know, the consequences.

You know, the before and after. So it's our job to counsel our children during these times and just to nurture them. So we need to be there emotionally present.

So the next one is discipline your children. Don't defer discipline to a coach, teacher, or another man. The last thing you want is for someone else to raise your children. So definitely don't want a coach doing it, a teacher doing it, and you absolutely don't want another man raising your children. It's up to you.

as the father to again, train up your children in the way they should go. And this is what we're talking about here today.

Discipline with your wife, right? So Proverbs 13, 24 states, whoever spares the rod hates their children.

But the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

So, I'll give you an example with my son. If he hits us, if he talks back to us or does something he's not supposed to in spite of us, he's going to face natural consequences. So, he may be removed entirely from room. He may be... Something might be taken away from him, whether that's, you know, or...

a certain object that he's carrying or something that he threw at us. It might be even tapping him on the wrist or something, just making sure that he knows what he did was wrong and that there are natural consequences to his actions.

So the importance here is to not be permissive, set rules, and natural consequences.

refrain from trophies.

We're not all on a level playing field. So not everyone will be treated equally. for example, one who is most qualified for a job is going be for the job. that there's no other better way to put it. The one who has education and experience is the

candidate that's going to be picked for the job. with this example, it's important to teach our children to live an honest life, to go to school, get an education, and get experience for the job that you eventually want to land. And in that, it's going to take a lot of hard work, a lot of dedication, commitment.

It's going to take sacrifice. It might take some risks, but in the end, the one who is rewarded is the one that put in the time. Same thing with with test taking. So the one who who is going to pass the test and get a good grade on the test is the one who took the time to study, to research the material, et cetera, et cetera. So.

We have to refrain from participation trophies because again, we're not all going to be treated equally. And that's just the harsh reality of, you know, the real world quote unquote.

Don't be overly critical. Be affirming.

affirm your child based on who they are, not what they do. It's so important that parents understand this, especially fathers, because I know that fathers can be super at times and fathers tend affirm their children based on what they do rather than who they are. I've seen

often one too many times where

Children are growing up in sports and the father incentivizes the child's performance in this organized sport that the child's playing. And if the child does well, then happy. If the child doesn't do well, if the child strikes out, if he doesn't pitch well that game or, you know.

score a touchdown or draws a flag, then, best believe in the examples that I've seen, that child is going to get an earful from his dad on the way home. So this is not the way to interact with your children. need to affirm your child based on who they are.

So a better way to approach it giving them praise for actually stepping out of their comfort zone to play this sport. Giving them credit for trying their best even though they may fail. So it's doing things like this. It's just being encouraging. It's not being And then lastly, don't belittle your kids. Do encourage them.

and build their self-esteem. So don't be little, encourage and build self-esteem. So that kind of ties in with I just stated earlier. So yeah, that's the main goal. The goal is to avoid wounding your kids and to build their self-confidence and their love and trust in you.

So your son, your daughter, they want to look up at you as their dad and they want to feel a sense of They want to feel a sense of pride, a sense of love, most importantly. And they want to feel loved, their dad. They want to look up to you as their dad.

They don't want to be scared of you. They don't want to resent you. want to trust you. They don't want you. And that's why it's so important to approach these situations with love, kindness, respect, the fruits of the spirit. So.

That can totally be a whole different episode, but in the context of this episode, again, the goal is to avoid wounding your kids and to build their self-confidence and their love and trust in you. All right. So I hope this advice helps. was kind of just researching this stuff this is what came about all that. So I compiled.

all of this advice, all of these tips to sort of give you a blueprint on how improve your approach or even change it. But again dads, you want to raise children the way they should go because when they're older, they will not depart from it. They might experience some bumps in the road, but

at end of the day, under proper guidance, your children will be solid and they will be exceptional

That is all I have for you guys today.

Stay prayed up, blessed, and I'll see you in the next one.