#28 Darryl Haber

In this conversation, Darryl shares his profound journey of faith, detailing his struggles with personal challenges, the importance of forgiveness, and the transformative power of God's love. He recounts experiences that led him to a deeper understanding of humility and the necessity of seeking God in times of hardship. The discussion emphasizes the significance of overcoming adversity, the role of forgiveness in healing, and living a purposeful life aligned with Godly values.

Podcast Instagram and TikTok: @pespinoza.cyc

Podcast X: @pespinoza_cyc

Podcast YouTube: @CarryYourCrossStudios

Chapters

• 2:47 A Life-Changing Injury: The Ankle Incident
• 6:05 Finding God in Difficult Times
• 8:36 The Healing Process and Recovery
• 10:21 Staying Active Despite Challenges
• 15:44 Darryl's Journey to Faith
• 27:54 Transformative Experiences and New Beginnings
• 38:55 A Transformative Encounter
• 40:51 Finding Faith and Overcoming Fear
• 41:49 The Journey to Forgiveness
• 48:45 Understanding Unforgiveness
• 56:41 The Importance of Forgiveness
• 1:01:44 Living a Life of Freedom
• 1:04:47 The Path to Healing and Redemption

Transcript

Pedro Espinoza (00:00)
Hey guys, quick disclaimer. If you notice that parts of this episode are out of rhythm, it's because I was having issues with my internet connection. I did my best with editing during post-production to give it a seamless flow, so the majority of this episode sounds great, except for a small portion at the end. I hope you guys enjoy this episode in.

Pedro Espinoza (00:32)
we dive in, I just wanted to say a quick prayer. that good with you?

Darryl (00:36)
Yes, please. ⁓

Pedro Espinoza (00:37)
All right,

God, thank you Lord for this day, for this time. ⁓ I just pray Lord that you use Daryl and I as vessels to spread your message and reach lives and souls that need to hear the message. Father, let Daryl's testimony really impact the lives of others so that they may walk in Christ and follow you ultimately. So God, just...

I want the Holy Spirit to lead and that's really all that matters in the end. So thank you Father again for this opportunity for this day and in Jesus name, here we go.

Darryl (01:19)
Amen.

Pedro Espinoza (01:20)
Yeah, so I just to discuss the elephant in the What happened to your ankle and how did it happen?

Darryl (01:28)
I love doing trail running. feel like I get away from the city. I get out of the house, the cars. I went out to Round Valley, which I've done for the past 20 years. It's called the Middle Loop. It's and...

It's called Hardy Canyon Loop, if anybody's familiar with Round Valley. It's a lot of climbing. When it's hot, you're dealing with high heat, but I get alone with the Lord and I feel that it clears my mind and he pours into me. And so it was Sunday evening, not this one, but last Sunday. It's been a week as of yesterday. And I was on the downhill side, maybe one mile from finishing.

And it was the fast part because it's the downhill canopy covered with the trees. It's like running through the jungle. It's my favorite part of the run. And I was flying down and I just my left foot on the way down when I placed it, it rolled over my ankle and I heard it pop. So I broke it.

Pedro Espinoza (02:36)
Yikes. Yeah, I've been to that hike a few times and you're not kidding when there is like that that downward slope toward the end. And I think that's where either the magic happens or tragedy happens. ⁓ And in this case, unfortunately, tragedy, but all for the glory of God. Right.

Darryl (03:00)
Yeah, because I was out there alone. It was around 7.45 in the evening. I very rarely will even run on a Sunday, but I was alone and I thought, let me go get that time away, keep my mind right, my wife's away, my daughter's not in the home. I could watch movies maybe that aren't appropriate or I could do anything, but let me just go spend that time with him was my thought to carry me through this week coming up.

which was last week. And I did, but even though I was alone and I was hopping on one foot back, the Lord, he never left me, never saved me. I saw somebody working at the farm. There's a ranch out there where you can see the horses towards the end. You're kind of looking through the trees. It's a good distance away, but I saw somebody because they had a white t-shirt on, almost like a white flag.

And I, it just stood out and I said, well, if I can just get to that fence, I can get to my car. And I just said, Lord, I'd just be with me. I hobbled and I hopped there. And even though I broke my ankle, the Lord had a lady that was checking her horses before she went to bed that night. And I said, hello, hello. And then finally she heard me and I didn't want to scream help help because

I did need help, but I didn't want to freak her out. So I was holding onto her fence because I couldn't stand on my ankle was just, it was pretty bad. So she drove up with a quad, a four wheeler with two little dogs on the back, an old farm lady. name was Kathy. She had to be late seventies, but she's a tough farm lady, you know? And she says, okay, here's what we're going to do. You got to get on the back of my quad. And I said, okay.

And she had two little dogs back there. It so funny. Cause one was like a ⁓ brown and tan weenie dog, but she was old. And the other one was a hairy chihuahua, but they were sitting on a little flat plank in the back of the quad where she could store stuff, but the dogs were on it. So she said, hop up there between my dogs. And when I did, both the dogs leaned into me.

And one of them put their head on my... I couldn't believe the comfort and the peace that I felt in that moment. It's like, I felt the Lord say, you're not alone. You came to seek me. Don't think that you didn't find me. You found me. But you didn't find me here. I just want you to know that I'm always with you. And I felt it in that moment. She drove me to my car, which was about a half a mile away. She had to open a gate, hop through the gate.

She used a little bungee cord. She was like amazing, out of nowhere. It's like I couldn't have planned it. And then she got me to my truck and I called Dr. Matt Lucero, who's a good friend of mine, really nice young doctor. And he's in Brentwood at John Muir. And I've done a lot of cycling and training with this man. He called, set everything up for me. I drove myself home, crawled up and down the stairs.

and changed my clothes and my son-in-law took me to the hospital. And then my wife was gone the whole week, so it was very humbling because I was crawling up and down my stairs, face down. And it's, I know the Lord showed me, I heard this question in my spirit, like when was the last time...

He were on your hands and knees on your face for me. And it really humbled me because I feel like he showed me circumstances are not what's supposed to humble you in this life, because they will. There's storms coming, there's difficulties coming, there's marriage, there's children, there's work. All these things can humble you. Sometimes they get overwhelming. But I felt in my spirit what I was supposed to be learning in that moment is

humble yourself before me because then these circumstances are going to come to all of us, but that's not going to be what's humbled you because you're already there. Your heart is already there with me. And it was an emotional thing and. And I mean it. I got emotional. I teared up a little bit because. I haven't been face down on my hands and knees like desperate for him. And it took me crawling up and down my stairs sometimes.

Well, this time to realize he wants more from me, he wants more from you, Pedro, wants more from each and every one of us.

Pedro Espinoza (08:00)
That's powerful. And as you were saying that it made me realize that God truly does communicate mysterious ways and he gives us revelation that we wouldn't have seen otherwise. ⁓ For the good, or indifferent. And in this case, unfortunately it was through a broken ankle or a foot. I'm not sure what the diagnosis was.

But I think all for the glory of God in the sense that he did remind you or at least have you realize that you do have to be on your hands, hands and knees more often than not. ⁓ So I think that's, that's a beautiful silver lining in this experience. How long are you out for? What's the healing process? How long?

Darryl (08:51)
So I just to fill you in I went to Sutter Delta that took the x-rays. Dr. Lucero called in and got he said you have an 80 to 85 percent break horizontally in your fibula which is the

You have the tibula on the inside, the fibula on the outside of your foot, on the outside in my left foot. So it broke, he said, perfectly horizontal. Like your ankle just rolled over, so it made a perfect break. So he doesn't think I need surgery, but he said they'll probably cast it, which they did a temporary cast because when it's swelling, they can't put the...

cast this one split somewhere in the middle so it can still expand and then they gauze wrap it and still feels like a hard cast. It is a hard cast but three quarters of the way. But he said it's a it look he believes I won't need surgery but tomorrow I go to the orthopedic specialist in Walnut Creek and they're going to tell me exactly what I need but my doctor's opinion is I won't need surgery and then eight weeks in a cast and then the recovery.

Pedro Espinoza (10:06)
Got you. Okay. Well, I hope for a speedy recovery, ⁓ Are you able to walk?

Darryl (10:15)
Well, with crutches, I have my crutches right here and I hop around. The whole week I was crawling up and down the stairs because my wife has her cat upstairs, her litter box. And so I had to go do that. And my little chihuahua wants to go out every 30 minutes in the warm sun and warm up and come back in. So it was a lot of up and down and getting used to the crutches.

Pedro Espinoza (10:18)
Yeah.

Yeah, and I would imagine that you're probably still, you know, biking and cycling and whatnot. ⁓ At least trying to.

Darryl (10:50)
Well, what I am doing

is I am a member of the place down here in Brentwood called the camp. It's circuit training where there's eight or 12 stations. And I actually went and did that. found out my leg was broken on Sunday. Tuesday I did my first circuit training modified, but then Thursday I did the full class.

I had the incline bench and did all the incline dumbbell presses and then I would crawl between each station. I was kneeling down doing the 777 arms and then the cling presses where you cling up. just did everything I did and I was thinking well I'll just do as much as I can but I'm pretty determined and stubborn and I feel like I know I have a long road ahead of me. I'm not just gonna

lay around and just take it like, well, this is my fate, woe is me. No, I'm gonna do everything I feel that I can because the Lord our God is my strength. And people came up to me after the class and said, I gotta tell you, it's like, I feel like I have no excuses anymore. It's like watching you do this on one leg, crawling on your hands, it's like keeping your foot up. It's like, I'm...

I don't care if I'm tired, I don't care if I'm hungry. I can't, I mean my excuses are gone, so thank you for being an inspiration. And it wasn't for that reason. I wasn't trying to show off or show somebody like, look at me. It's more like, Lord, I'm not gonna waste a single day to be the best version of who I can be for you anymore. I'm gonna let your light shine. I'm gonna take.

Like this could be a bad thing for me, because I'm not a good sitter. I want to go, go, go, go, go all the time. So this could seem like a bad thing. so far, everywhere I've gone, it's been a blessing. And the Lord has shown me that He's slowing me down, because He's got different things for me to do. Because we built this office, and my daughter's beauty salon right next door.

I'm going out in the field because I'm an electrical contractor. I go, go, go, go, go on six days a week, 10 hours a day. Saturdays are my estimate days. So I'm gone for most of the day, seven or eight hours on Saturday. And it's like I kept saying, I mean, I'm 61. I can't do this forever, Lord. I mean, I'm healthy and I'm fit and I feel good and I want to keep going. I'm not looking to retire. I don't want to.

Pedro Espinoza (13:37)
You look great.

Darryl (13:40)
I don't want to ride off into the sunset and just go sit on a beach and drink my tides. I want to do, I want to keep going as long as I'm healthy. I don't see a reason to slow that down. But I'm trying to build the team around me and allow them to be better. But if I'm there, I do all the hard stuff because that's just how I am. Or I'll run it and I'll drive the train. It's like the Lord is saying, no, it's time for some

These guys, if you train for 10 years, they need to shine too. When you're there, you will try to control everything. Let these guys show you what they've learned. And I've been in my mind doing that for the past year, easing my way out. But now it's like, okay, the Lord has said, no, I've been telling you to let these men become who they are and shine. And if you're there, they...

It steals a little bit of that from them. And I feel like I have to trust the Lord more. I have to believe that he's in control of all things and not Darryl because I'm organized, I'm early, I'm always trying to be on top of everything. So I try to like have such control. And it's like, I'm learning that I have to let go, not only with my life.

which I've learned, I'm learning each day to do more and more to surrender that to him. But I have to trust that other people can do things and not just me, you know? Which I know they can, but it's hard to, I mean, change is scary, no matter what kind it is. So you take yourself out of something you've been doing for 41 years.

You forget who you are. And the Lord is saying, that's not who you are. First and foremost, you are child of the king. You're my son. Get that straight. Let that permeate your mind and your heart. Because if you keep trying to find your worth and your value out there, you're going to just be tired, frustrated, and wonder why you're getting angry and feeling frustrated when...

My plan for you has always been to grow you spiritually each and every day.

Pedro Espinoza (16:12)
Amen. And I think so I'm going to ask you this, but I think that I've already heard pieces of your testimony. So I just want I want you to walk us through your journey to faith and really what your testimony is from start to finish.

Darryl (16:30)
Absolutely. This is a...

This is my greatest treasure. This is my favorite thing in my life. From birth, other than seeing my children being born and witnessing, this is something that I cannot wait to thank the Lord for when I stand before Him. I grew up in Louisiana, super poor. When I say super poor, people say poor all the time.

Our electricity got turned off all the time because my dad was a gambler and he didn't have, he would lose every job he ever had because he had a really bad temper. So I watched him hit my mom, hit my sisters and hit all of us. And I hated him. When I was little, I wished bad things would happen to him. But my mom was the kindest person in the whole world.

All my friends loved her. All my friends would come over and want to talk to her. Girls that I were dating would love to spend time with my mom. And I'd watch my dad hit her. when I was little, I'd say, I'm going to hurt that man one day for hurting my mom and my sister and my brother. I was the youngest of three kids. So going to school, we didn't, I didn't have shoes. I always got hand-me-down stuff. And so I just felt.

like the world never saw me. felt like I was nobody, I wasn't important. And I never went to church, never knew anything about the Bible, never ever stepped foot in a church. And I knew every curse word in the book. I've watched violence before me from as young as I can remember. And ⁓

I started boxing when I was 13 because I said, I'm going to beat this dude up. I wanted to learn how to fight really good, not because I wanted to hurt people, but I wanted to defend the people that I love. It's like nobody's going to hurt the people that are around me. And I got really good and got into Golden Gloves five years in a row. And then when I was older,

I don't know, my heart was changing. I don't know how or why, because all this anger and bitterness. One day, my dad was yelling at my mom. I'd left home when I was 16. And I was just bouncing different places and staying in apartments with different people and getting into trouble all the time. my mom said, hey, why don't you come see me? And I came over there. I was almost 17. was still, yeah, I think I was 17.

and I was sitting in the chair, but I've been boxing for four years now and I could fight and I was fighting in the streets all the time because I wouldn't let anybody say anything to me. I had this huge chip on my shoulder with life and I was like, my dad hurt me when I was little, but nobody's going to hurt me again. And I'm a little dude. So I was very, I didn't have any tattoos like I have now. And I was, I didn't look like much 135 pounds. I'm still almost the same now, but, but

I was sitting in the chair at my mom's house and my dad started yelling at my mom. And I felt myself getting frustrated. And I said, hey, why don't you leave her alone? And he came over there with that same face and his hands were knuckled up and he goes, would you say to me? And I was sitting down, but this time I stood up and I said, you heard me. And I looked him dead in the face and he stopped dead in his tracks.

And he just looked at me and he said, ⁓ don't yell at me, I'm your dad. And he walked away and I was like, what? What just happened? This dude would kill you for nothing, had me up against a wall by my throat. When I was little, mean, I was so scared of my dad that I wet myself. I wet my pants till I was like nine years old and I didn't wet my pants anymore. But when he grabbed me, I was that scared. But now he walked away.

He goes, don't yell at me, I'm your dad. And I said, well then don't yell at me, I'm your son. And I remember I said to him, I said, you know, I never ever wanted to hit you, but how is it so easy? Because I love you, so how is it so easy for you to hit me? I asked him. I looked at my mom and I said, mom, look, I'm sorry, but I gotta go. And he left, he was leaving her alone, so I left. Anyway, I moved to California. When I graduated high school, I finished electrical school.

And the company I started working for out here sent me to the company where I met my wife and I thought she was so beautiful. She is so beautiful. And I just was like, man, so I'd have to go bring my paperwork into my office, into their office after it was a big transco envelope company, like three football fields long and two wide, full of all these machines.

I was changing the three phase 208 to three phase 40 and cut all the power in half. So it took about two and a half months to change all the machines and rewire them. So in the time I'd been going in there was this lady, which this girl, so so beautiful. I would go in there and all the ladies were married except her, so they would say, what do you think of her? They were like teasing me all the time. I go, she's really pretty. you like her, huh? Well, she is very pretty, so.

They kept saying, can you fix this? Can you fix this? I said, okay, if you get me a lunch date with her, I will fix that outlet not working for you or whatever. So I'd been going to a deli called Gino's Deli right down the street from her work where I could walk to. And I met the owner, old Italian guy Gino, who was so nice to me. I said, hey, I'm gonna bring this girl.

I want you to meet her. goes, no, no worry, Darrell. I take really good care of you. You know, the Italians, I mean, he was incredible. So our first date, we walked to the deli. She always had a Coke and a Snickers bar and I was into health and eating good. And so I walked into this deli with her and I said, Gino, I heard so much about you. And I said, Gino, this is Merck's.

Pedro Espinoza (22:39)
Right.

Darryl (22:57)
I couldn't even say her name until she spelled it because it's M-I-R-T-Z-A. People would say Maritza or Marza, but I couldn't even say

And so I couldn't say her name until she spelled it for me. It's M-I-R-T-Z-A. So Mertz, I'd never heard of it. She's from Guatemala. She's really beautiful. And so I introduced Mertz to Gino and I said, hey Gino. Now this is the first day I've ever been with this girl. I don't know her, but God had given me like this tender heart for things. can't explain it. But I said, hey Gino.

Merch is gonna come down here every day on her break. Whatever she wants, I don't care what it is, just let her have it and don't charge her and I'll pay for it on Friday. I was making like $19 an hour, I was only 23 years old, I'm single, I have my own apartment. That was a lot of money from a guy that was making $5 an hour in Louisiana. So now I'm making $19 an hour. I've got five years experience and she started doing that.

And then I would say four months later we were living together. And we have our daughter and then we have our second daughter, my wife was pregnant for. We got married and I called my mom and dad to tell my dad that I was getting married. And he said, I told my mom, she said, I'm so happy for you. And that's how they, she goes, you want to tell dad? And I said, I guess so.

I said, hey dad, he goes, hey, what's going on? I said, hey, I met this girl, I'm in love with her, we've been living together for four months now and I'm gonna get married. I mean, I don't wanna be crude because of what we're gonna talk about God's word, but I wanna be honest with what he said to me for the impact. He said, Jesus effing Christ, why would somebody like you get married? And I was like.

And my wife was right behind me and I was in a kitchen and you're not allowed to cry. I was not allowed to cry as a man in my home. He gives you something to cry about. So I learned not to cry even when I was getting beat. So when he said that, he goes, well, why would somebody like you get married? You have girls throwing theirself at you. You got two girls pregnant out here. You have girls ever sent you all over the place. Why would you get married? Why would a guy like you get married? have, and I,

And he goes, I gotta go. And my mom came back to the phone. She said, I'm sorry, Darrell. I it's okay, mom. But I stood there looking out the window of my apartment. I was afraid to turn around to my wife because I was getting emotional. And all of a sudden I felt tears coming down my face and my girlfriend who hadn't become my wife yet put her hand on my back and said, are you okay? And I just started bawling. And...

I said, all I didn't want nothing. don't want money. I never asked him for anything. I never wanted advice. I didn't ask him to help me. All I wanted him to do was be happy for me. And that dude couldn't do that. And I cried. And I said, this is the last time this dude's ever going to make me cry, which it wasn't. I'll tell you, because I found the Lord. But that was my journey how.

I met my wife and then growing up in Louisiana at the end of my street, I used to play in the St. Philip Nury was a Catholic church. I saw these kids in uniforms with their lunch boxes and I never had these things. So I thought they were better, smarter and they were worthy, but I'm just, I wasn't, I wasn't, I was nobody, I was hidden. And so when I had my daughters, I didn't like South city where I was living because the fog would roll in.

and I'm used to the heat being from Louisiana. So my mother-in-law lived in Pittsburgh over here in the East Bay. And so I went there and it was 95 degrees. I was like, whoa, I love it over here, man. So I moved to Pittsburgh with my wife and two daughters. Well, my wife was pregnant.

Pedro Espinoza (27:07)
Yeah.

Darryl (27:15)
And she was in her eighth month pregnancy. And my daughters were just old enough, they had them in a little preschool. But when I rented this house in Pittsburgh on Natalie Court, off of Loverage by 7-Eleven, my first week there, I saw this big guy, man, a real guy, six foot five with a beard. I was...

I don't know, 29 years old and I still could barely have any hair on my face. But this was like a big dude and he had his arm around his son on the porch and he was hugging him. going, oh, I love you. love you. I'd seen Jason. I'd seen Jason because they, was just a young guy out there. And so I was throwing the football with the kids in the court. When I'd pull up and say, Hey, what's up? they, they became friendly with me the first week. And so.

Pedro Espinoza (27:54)
You

Darryl (28:11)
I saw this guy but I didn't speak to him. My wife sent me to the grocery store and there was this real attractive girl there. And she's being really nice to me. My wife one time was with me and she goes, I don't like how she's looking at you. I never saw it until my wife said that. My wife don't even know this. So I'm gonna say some things to you guys that my wife doesn't even know. So.

After cleaning up the backyard, I was going to go to the dumps, but I ran to the store first and this girl put a note in there and said she wanted to meet me at the Buchanan Park, Stoneman Park or whatever down there on Harbor after work. And I'm thinking, well, that's the way I grew up. I was that way. I'd go with all these girls. It was just my lifestyle. I didn't, now I'm married. I didn't know I was supposed to be different. I never had, I just, that's just the way I lived my life. That's was like.

cool back home. That's why I didn't understand really how wrong it was. And because it was just looked upon like cool and society like guys are cool and girls are dogs for doing that, you know, so I was going to go meet this girl. And it was all planned out which is sad on my part even with children how lost and broken I was because I had a lot of insecurities and brokenness from a child.

and wounds that hadn't healed. I wasn't a good person. I could get mad like this and get out of a car and fight and all kind of things. I wasn't good at all. I had a nice smile and a nice person and somewhere in me there was good but I had masked over it with hardness for a lot of years. And I was going to go to the dump and I saw this big guy, Gary, and we had met. I said, hey, how you doing? I'm Darryl. He said, I'm Gary.

I go, I'm going to the dump, do you have anything? His name is Gary Hart, his son was Jason Hart. Well, Gary said, yeah, I got a couple of things, he puts it in there. So I drive all the way to the dump, which used to be on Summersville Road right there. All those years ago, where all the houses are, was a dump. So it's about 4.30, quarter to five, and the lady said, oh, you're my last one, so I'm not even gonna charge you, go ahead and go in. like, oh.

What's my lucky day? I don't have to pay for the dump. I'm about to go meet this girl if you can. And I'm thinking, I'm living the dream and what a good life, how good life is. And I'm unloading my truck and I go to pull the bed liner out and it pulls and it goes kind of quick, quicker than I thought. And so I jumped backwards instead of falling back into the dump. And when I went down, I looked down. I really liked why it was just a similar.

I don't know, I know I wasn't a good guy, but I liked white trucks, white everything. It just looked clean to me. And I look down in this box, and my foot's in a box, and I see Holy Bible in gold letters. Now, I never opened a Bible, never went to church, never looked in the Bible, never read the Bible, didn't even know really what was in the Bible at all. So...

I'm standing there in the dumps by myself and I look at this box and I look in it.

And I just looked up. I don't know why I looked up, but I looked up like I guess he's up there. And I said, well, I'm 29 years old. I guess you're telling me I'm supposed to read this. So.

I don't know, so I picked it up and I put it on the seat of my truck and then I just sat there and I'm like, wait a minute, a curse? I'm not a big drinker, but I will have some beers or something if my friends are.

I'm not a good person, I'm very promiscuous and very sinful. And the way that I talked, my words coming out of my mouth, every word was MF for this and that. I was the funniest joke telling on job site. I'd have people laughing all the time and I saw a funny side to everything. And I would just, that was like.

Like the tears of a clown, know, when you're really broken on the inside, you want people around you laughing because you're really hurting it. It just feels good to be around that. So I kind of did that from when I was a kid and that carried on into kind of thought who made me who I was. So I pull up at my court and I'm looking at the box and they had this big shade tree in my front yard shading me because it's hot in Pittsburgh and I'm in the shade and I'm looking at that box and I go.

What am I gonna tell my wife? I don't read the Bible, we don't go to church, she's gonna laugh at me, she's gonna think I'm soft, she's not gonna think I'm a real man, she's gonna think I'm, this is my crutch now, because I'm looking at my crutches over here. That's gonna be my crutch, and I'm all.

I'm all, no, I don't know. And I'm looking to my right where the box is sitting having this debate with myself. How do I tell her? Do I leave them in the car and hide it and sneak read in the dark? I didn't know. And somebody taps my window and it scared me. Well, here's this big six foot five man, Gary, full beard, motorcycle ride, nicest guy in the world. put my, Roman here goes, hey.

I'm going to church tomorrow, you wanna go to church with me? And I'm like, and I looked at the box and I'm thinking, even in my...

corrupt mind that I'm about to go cheat on my wife. I realized something's happening here and I can't explain it. It's like, I don't know how to explain it. So I don't know. And I go, ⁓ yeah. He goes, okay, we're gonna leave here at 8 30. It's right around here on Stoneman and it's called a Cornerstone. And, and now it was changed along the way, but I go, okay. So I go in, I tell my wife this story. She starts laughing.

She says to me, well, I'm not going with you. So you want to go, you go. She said just like that and she chuckled and she left. What? She really looked at me like, well, you're not going to church?

Pedro Espinoza (34:49)
Bye, you, you, bye.

But you didn't tell her about the other girl? Never, right, okay good.

Darryl (34:55)
No, no,

not then. I did tell her after, because I told her she was right, everything she saw was right, and I told her why, but I didn't tell her at this point, but I didn't go that night. That's a whole nother story, but I wish I could say, ⁓ I triumphed over all my failures. No, I had many failures along the way because I went to church that next morning.

Pedro Espinoza (35:00)
Gotcha.

Wow.

Darryl (35:21)
I started reading Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John 45 minutes after going to that church service. I felt the music. I looked over. Now I'm not supposed to cry. You don't cry. I look at that big guy who is a man and he loves his kid and he hugs his wife, tells him all he loves him right in front of me unashamedly, tells him how he loves him and he's crying during worship with his hands up like this. And I felt it, but I didn't know what I was feeling. couldn't, I was like, what?

is this? But I liked it. I wanted more of it. So the next morning I was working at a place called, it's the Livermore extension of the dump. I think it's called Sweats. It's because they had one in San Francisco and one in Livermore where it's a transfer station for garbage. And they haul all those trucks in and out. And so I'd get there 45 minutes earlier. I was reading Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. I just went

I for God's word and I loved it. I didn't even understand it, I was compelled to keep reading more and more. And then I was asking questions. Then I started going through the Berean Bible College online. I wanted to know if this is real. And I didn't want to, because I had an experience that I haven't really told too many people about. I didn't want think I'm crazy, but I went to a three-day revival.

But I started going to church, and on the third week I come home and my wife said this to me. And I found out they had a private Christian school there. And so the church was in a building program, so I donated my electrical talents and skills that the Lord had already given to me that I didn't know they were from him. And I was able to...

why are they building for my children to be able to go to school? And I thought, my kids won't feel what I feel. They're gonna be in a private school and they're gonna be learning about Jesus. And my daughter came home and quoted John 3.16 and I didn't even know what it meant. And I was embarrassed because she was learning things I didn't know. So I got deeper into the word and I said, this can't be. I'm not gonna tell them and be that hypocrite and say, you go learn but I don't know nothing.

I want to know what they're learning to make sure that what we're doing is right. Because my mother-in-law was a Mormon and the Mormons were coming around. That's a whole other story for another day. But I was like, no, that's not true. This is truth. And I believe this is true. God's word is true. And the Lord gave me a dream. And so I knew the Mormons weren't the thing to do for me. So I started going to church. came home on that third week and my wife says to me,

I don't know what it is. She grabbed me by both my hands. She looked me dead in my face. She said, I don't know what it is, but there's something different about you. And can I go to church with you next Sunday? And I said, yeah, of course. My whole family now, from my wife, my daughters, who my youngest is 28, my oldest is 40, all.

Pedro Espinoza (38:31)
amen

Darryl (38:42)
served the Lord, my whole family, my brother, 17 years later of mocking me in his own way, like, hey, where are going? Well, I go, he'd say, where are you going? He's in Louisiana. said, well, I'm going to church. He would say, well, I'm going to my sanctuary, the football field. That's my sanctuary. And he would kind of go, that's where I find my peace. What can I tell you? I said, well, let me pray for you. And I would just pray for him. I wouldn't judge him. I would laugh because he's funny.

Pedro Espinoza (38:46)
my gosh.

Darryl (39:12)
And I would pray for him. 17 years later, I'm watching him give his testimony at his church in Louisiana. said, my brother never gave up on me in 17 years. And it's because he never stopped praying for me. I saw that and I believed him. And I always knew it was right. I was just stubborn, but I knew all along that he was right. And the way he would pray for me, it's that love of his prayer.

that I wanted to have what he had. He's 62 years old. I'm 61, he's 63 now. He got married at 62, gave his life to the Lord. He said women are good for one thing. He was a dog. And he got hurt when he was 15 with some girl and he just, he had a different life than me. He wanted to date one girl for the rest of his life and be married. He wanted one girl so he never dated and the one girl he liked hurt him.

And so all women were bad. He had this chip on his shoulder. he, he was, he wasn't a good person to them. Treated them all bad, just bounced around. And now he's married. And, and I know this is going to sound crazy, but his wife is from Honduras. My wife is from Guatemala. His wife is Maritza. My wife is Merza. And I said to him jokingly, said, what is...

Pedro Espinoza (40:39)
No way.

Darryl (40:40)
My life brother? I'm just kidding. But now he serves God and I know he's going to be in heaven. So I found the Bible's in the dump when I tell my testimony to people, but really God found me. That's where my life truly was, Pedro. My life was in the dump. I was going to blow it. I was going to mess around in my life until she left me.

Pedro Espinoza (40:48)
Mm-hmm. Praise God.

Darryl (41:10)
I was planning my own failure, like life can't be this good, even when good things were happening for me. I didn't even want to start my own company because my dad said I was stupid and there'd be nothing. I was afraid to take my contractor's license because I believed if I failed, he's right. I am stupid. But when I accepted the Lord, I got this little gold cross on a key ring and I put it in my hand every day. I started studying for my exam.

And I went to Oakland to take the test. What I didn't know we had to do it on computers. This is. You know. 33 years ago and I never knew nothing about a computer. I was terrified and I'm still not that good with computers, but we're on computers right now. But. I was sitting there and the lady starts before we get in there. You're in this little waiting room and there's like 12 guys there to take their test. The law you gotta take your contractors. The trade.

for the contract that you take the trade and the California law. I grew up in Louisiana, nothing about California law. So was I fearful to say the least? Yeah, but I studied. And so.

I had that cross in my hand and I prayed all the way there and I was reading the Bible like crazy. was getting God's word in me and I'll never leave you, I'll never forsake you. I'm with you in your times of trouble. Every comforted thing I could think of, I was thinking and I sat in that waiting room and I hear these guys say, how many times have been, well this is my third time, I've failed the law, I haven't even started my trade yet. Another guy said, well this is my second time taking my trade.

I haven't even started the law yet. And the other guy's like, yeah, this is my third time too. That's the only three people I have. I'm sitting there and I'm like, but I looked at that cross. I've never been that smart in school. I cheated off of people. It's not that I wasn't smart. I just, it wasn't important to me. Like sitting, I couldn't sit still. I didn't have an attention span that much. And I didn't care what they were talking about, to be honest with you. My life had to go home and survive.

Like I'm not going to have food maybe. You know, nobody knows what's going on. So what they were saying was like, who cares about Christopher Columbus? Who cared about math when I don't even know if I'm going to eat, I'm going if my dad's going to hit my mom, he's going to break all the furniture in the house.

Pedro Espinoza (43:39)
cared about proper English? Yeah.

Darryl (43:41)
Right, exactly, exactly. I

wasn't afraid to take it, but I knew that I had the cross with me and I knew that I went in there. I took, started, she goes, want to start with the, you sit down at these desks. I looked at the computer, you just press up, down, left, right, key. My family just walked in our office. gonna.

Pedro Espinoza (44:08)
No worries.

It's okay.

Darryl (44:11)
So ⁓ I was looking at the keyboard and she said, you don't have to use these keys. So right away I became eased. I wasn't worried because I only have to use up, down, left and right. So she said, what would you like to start with? She was a black lady, but she had a kindness I can't explain to you. She was like, are you ready, Daryl? And I go, yes ma'am, I think I am.

She said, yes ma'am, where are from? said, well, I'm from Louisiana. My accent's different now. I mean, had it more back then. I've been here a long time, 40 years now. So I took my trade first and she said, raise your hand when you're done. So I look around, nobody's raising their hand. So I raised my hand and she goes, are you ready already? It must've been like 30 minutes. And I go, She goes, do you wanna look? And I said,

No, I might change something that's right. I don't want to look at all. I believe I did the best I could. So she goes, okay, here we go. everybody, could see people stopping there looking around their computer. she, she taps in this code and I'm sitting there and I just, I didn't even look at the computer. was just looking at my cross. I know it's just a symbol, but what it meant to me was everything at that moment that he's with me. And she said, you passed.

I like, I contained myself like, fantastic. And she's like, do you want to take a break? I said, no, let's go into the law right now, you know? And then I did the law and I was thinking to myself, it's okay. Don't get down yourself. You passed your trade, good for you. Just be ready if it's, I mean, just be ready either way. Don't get, don't let it bother you because you get three chances. You're going to be okay, right?

So I took it and when I raised my hand, there were still two people that hadn't even finished the first, hadn't even raised. So I was a little nervous. I thought, did I go too fast? So I started looking back through it and I said, no. I said, let me just by faith believe that I did my best. And if I didn't pass, it's okay. I'm not studying law. I'm not a law. My trade I'm good at so I could study the law more.

convincing myself I was gonna be okay. And she came back and she ran it through and she said, I just kept looking at the cross and she said, Daryl, you pass. And I was like, are you serious? I'm gonna be sad, are you serious? Like, I don't know why I asked that question. I go, are you serious? Because I had doubts, man. And she's like, yes, you did. She said, you did really well. I said,

Pedro Espinoza (46:53)
haha

Darryl (47:06)
Thank you. And I looked around, I saw people like just looking at me as I was walking out and I walked out casually, but soon as that door closed, I ran down the stairs. I ran into the parking lot and I said, thank you, Jesus. You are so good. I know you were with me. I know I didn't do it. I know you helped me because I'm not that smart. I know I'm not. And I just kept saying thank you, thank you all the way home. called, I don't even know if I had a cell phone back then. I might've pulled over to a pay phone.

Pedro Espinoza (47:22)
Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Darryl (47:36)
called my wife and said, hey, my past. She's like, ⁓ I knew you would. She said, we've been praying for you. And so I realized it wasn't by my strength or my knowledge, but it's the spirit of the one true living God was with me. And he had favor on me. And I don't know why. I didn't deserve it. I didn't earn it. I wasn't good. But I kept seeing little things happen in my life.

Pedro Espinoza (47:42)
Wow.

Wow. Hallelujah.

Darryl (48:06)
to tell me that he's real. But you asked me about a couple of topics and I had unforgiveness as one of the ones that I chose.

Pedro Espinoza (48:15)
And I see that it's tattooed on you on your forearm.

Darryl (48:19)
It says, And see, I didn't believe that. And really, be quite honest with you, I'm 61 years old, 30 years later after accepting Jesus, and I'm just now scratching the surface of what it really means. Like, I thought I knew, I have it on my arm, I have it in the scripture, I have it, but unforgiveness...

Pedro Espinoza (48:21)
Wow.

Darryl (48:47)
was something I had deep rooted inside of myself. a lot of people, like I had a lot of unforgiveness for my dad, for our government, for injustice, for the police treating me bad because I was so poor in Louisiana. And I realized that I had all this stuff inside of me. But when I accepted the Lord, I felt like he squeezed so much on me. I was sweating profusely.

and I cried, I didn't want to cry in front of nobody. I felt so much shame for crying, like I was weak. But I didn't know that Jesus wept until I read John. And the Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John words said the shortest verse says Jesus wept. I thought, man, Jesus wept.

And it made an impact on me when I read that. But the unforgiveness I had was for my dad. So when I was new with Christian as a Christian.

It was Father's Day coming up and the Lord said, write your dad a letter. I was like, what? Write that doodle letter? Write that doodle letter? No. And he said, no. He said, do you remember when he stood you up on the toilet and he combed your hair? And I said, yeah. He said, do you remember when you made the track team and there was track shoes on your bed when you came home? And I said, yeah, I do.

remember that. Said, you remember that?

He showed up at your football games, even though you hated him. And I said, yeah.

He said, just tell him the things that you remember that he did good. He goes, because I'll deal with the other things. I want you just to tell him what he did good because it's not for you, he needs this. I was like, it's Father's Day and this isn't for you, which it was for me. He was putting me in the perspective that he was bound in the chain in the prison of what we held against him. My sister to this...

until he died, didn't have forgiveness for him. And so I wrote this letter and I said, ⁓

Pedro Espinoza (51:23)
you

Darryl (51:24)
Man, I just want you to know, Dad, I'll never forget that you used to put me on the toilet while you were shaving and getting ready. You'd call me in the bathroom and you'd comb my hair for me and you'd make sure I looked good and...

Pedro Espinoza (51:38)
Wow.

Darryl (51:39)
You you always made sure that we were safe. When we were with you, I knew nobody could hurt us. Because, I mean, you're the one that were hurting us, if I didn't say that. I I knew that I was safe with you. I said, I always looked up to you, and I wanted to be just like you. Because you're like a hero. Your dads are heroes, you know? And then I said, I remember when I made the track team, you didn't even have a job. But somehow, you went out.

Pedro Espinoza (52:00)
Yeah.

Darryl (52:08)
He didn't tell me good, he didn't tell me that there was track shoes on the bed for me.

Pedro Espinoza (52:15)
Jeez, man.

Darryl (52:15)
And that

started this relationship with my dad that he called me and he cried. I'd never seen my dad cry before, never seen my dad. And he just said, thank you. He goes, cause I know that I'm not a good dad. I didn't deserve this, but I just want to say thank you. I said, no. I go, I'm choosing to see you that way for the rest of my life now. And I said, I hope that you can choose to see me.

as your son. And he goes, I always have and I've never said this to you, but I'm so proud of you.

And it made me cry because he's never said that to me before. He goes, you're a good man. You're a good dad. You're everything I wasn't. And it hurt me that this is Father's Day and I was a father too. And he said, you're a good, you're a good one. But I wasn't. Pedro, wasn't a good one. I was trying to be and I wanted to be, but I didn't know how. I kept failing. I kept letting lust and deception and all these other things.

pulled me away from my walk with Christ. I had to be demons. I don't know that I never really dealt with. I held on to things that I thought made me cool and who I was and why people accepted and liked me. I wasn't willing to give all that I The only thing I did good and had, I wasn't willing to give.

things that brought me that kind of pleasure, even though it's sinful, there's pleasure in it. But it's wrong, and I was my battle that I struggled with the most. But it's when I was able to forgive my dad.

that I really started forgiving myself. And it took 30 years, 30 years for me to really forgive myself and I'm still doing it now. But now that the real forgiveness was I had to forgive myself for all my shortcomings, for all my failures, all the horrible things I did and all the people that I hurt and the ridiculous things I did, things I did to hurt my family, the most beautiful thing God gave me.

But the point is, the master of deception is real. He's out there, he has a plan for your life, my plan, and everybody's life. His plan is to steal, kill, and destroy you, and to break you, and to keep you from the life that God has for you. Like, we're all gonna face the judgment seat of Christ. We're all gonna face the judgment seat of Christ.

Pedro Espinoza (54:41)
Yes.

Darryl (55:05)
And uh, hi Leah. Hi, sorry. And so we uh, the judgment, at the end of that judgment we're going to two places. There's only two places. We try to complicate everything. It's very simple. There's one God, there's one...

Savior for all mankind and it's Jesus Christ. And we stand before that Judgment Seat. You either go into Heaven or you go into Hell. There's no other places. And we overcomplicate things and the Lord tried to simplify it even when He walked with His disciples because of the 613 rules and laws by the Pharisees and Sadducees.

And so, you know,

but I realized I had all this unforgiveness still in my heart. And it was, it formed roots and I wasn't willing. And then I, I didn't realize how all that stuff was, going back to the relationship with my dad that I had when I sent him the letter, so it started getting good. Our relationship, I'd call him now. He would call me and then,

Fast forward a little bit later, we had my last daughter, we have four daughters, me and my wife. My youngest daughter Danielle was born, but God had been blessing me, Pedro, but the problem is I wanted the bigger car, more houses, I had two houses, I wanted this big 4,300 square foot custom built home in Brentwood, I wanted, and I was being blessed in business and...

and I was tithing, I was doing all the things right, I didn't want it.

for the right reasons. I was letting these things tell me who I was before it was this other sinful things I was doing. I just transferred it from relationships, inappropriate ones, to bigger cars, bigger houses, more money. was just like, okay, I'm not doing that sin, but now I'm doing this. wasn't, I didn't see it as that. I thought I was doing all the right things and people are gonna see that hard work pays off and.

Yeah, I grew up with nothing, but now I can buy the cars that I want. can buy the houses that I want. But I was still, I knew just something was wrong. And in my heart, wasn't any happier. I had some money finally in the bank. I had my own company. All these things that I thought were gonna make me happy, I now had, but none of them were making me happy inside. I still felt.

Sometimes I lost broken little kid that was messed up in Louisiana. And I...

I was using my big box truck to unload our first set of boxes into our branding home. We got the key, I opened the door, there's nothing in there yet. I'm carrying the first box in, I get a phone call from my dad. This is in, I want to say January of 2002. He said I have.

bad news for you and then he got quiet and I'm like well don't get quiet now you can't say you got bad news and then be quiet he said your mom has two weeks to two months to live she's got diagnosed with cancer and her cancerous tumors in her stomach can you hear me

Pedro Espinoza (59:04)
you

Pedro Espinoza (59:10)
Alright man, yeah sorry I was not expecting my internet to be this bad.

Darryl (59:15)
You're still there though, right? ⁓

Pedro Espinoza (59:18)
Yes, ⁓ we can actually wrap this up, but I wanted to share some verses. When you were talking about forgiveness, I thought of the verse Matthew six and it's 14 through 15. And it says, for if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, their sins, your father will not forgive your sins.

Darryl (59:38)
here.

Pedro Espinoza (59:48)
And so to me, you

Darryl (59:48)
Absolutely.

Pedro Espinoza (59:50)
know, that verse is powerful because earlier this week, I think it was Monday, I was sharing with the group that for me, forgiveness is one of the biggest barriers and hurdles to climb. And my biggest weakness is rejection. I cannot stand being, denied. And when I feel that way,

⁓ having to forgive that person is probably one of the hardest things for me.

So.

Darryl (1:00:23)
I agree. I have the same thing. I wrote scriptures and everything down for us as well too. But we can do, if you want, could always talk again on some of the other topics. But I appreciate your time and for letting me share with you.

Pedro Espinoza (1:00:43)
Yeah, absolutely man. Did you want to wrap this up by saying anything? Maybe if ⁓ there's somebody struggling with, you know, with the lies of the enemy, maybe they're going through a hard time and they don't see, you know, any hope. Is there any words of encouragement you can offer?

Darryl (1:00:49)
Thank you.

Sure.

Yeah, and then can I pray it's out? Would that be okay? I would just say that.

You know, the Bible is very clear about unforgiveness, and especially in this Matthew 18, it talks about a...

servant that was forgiven for so much a huge debt, then he was unwilling to forgive somebody else and when his master which represents our Lord Saw that he didn't have the same compassion forgiveness on his fellow servant he withdrew his forgiveness and put the full wrath on him and threw him and so that's this Jesus was telling the story in Matthew 18 and I want to tell anybody that is struggling with unforgiveness

It's first of all, it's a commandment of our Lord to forgive others because He has first forgiven us everything, all of our sins on that cross. When He put His hands and said, is finished, He shed His blood so that I could be forgiven. So it's very hypocritical not to forgive others. And when we do though, when we're obedient to what He asks us to do, it frees us.

It's not saying it's okay what they did. It's not saying it's okay that they hurt you. Not saying okay that they rejected you, because that's how I felt in my own home growing up, that I wasn't accepted. And or loved. And so by you, what the Lord is doing, it's a miraculous thing here. He's allowing you to be set free from that bondage, that unforgiveness.

builds bars and prisons us, it frees you to be able to live your life and live and breathe and have your being, the life that God has for you. Because it weighs us down. It's heavy. And that was the greatest thing. The Lord, He forgave me and He accepted me and I'm going to heaven. That's incredible. But while I'm here, I'm not

holding on to things that I'm not supposed to anymore. Because it says we're running a race. And everything you hold onto, it doesn't matter what it is, it's weighs you down. And this you can see because it's my water bottle. But the things that you can't see are holding you back from all the good things that God really has for you.

Pedro Espinoza (1:03:38)
Yeah. Yeah.

Darryl (1:03:40)
And

that's the real downside. That's the real harm. That's the real failure on our part that we don't live our best life now. Because when Jesus said it is finished, He died. while I'm here, I can be the best version of Daryl now. It's not going to take 100 years.

It can start now and unforgiveness is one of the main keys that unlocks that door that you can walk through with a new life. ⁓

Pedro Espinoza (1:04:16)
Amen. Ephesians

432, be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Darryl (1:04:29)
Amen.

Pedro Espinoza (1:04:37)
Alright folks, I think Darryl signed out. I don't blame him. I did not anticipate having this many internet issues. For some reason my connection is way off and I'm having technical difficulty here. But everybody, that was Darryl and he's a powerful man of God. You know, for anybody who's struggling with forgiveness such as myself.

You know, this is a great episode to play back. And actually we were going to get into other topics, but you know, the internet issues did not prohibit that. ⁓ the other topics were struggling with sin and rewards in heaven. And of course I wanted to talk to him about Romans seven, 15 through 20. ⁓ definitely look that verse up and marinate on that scripture. ⁓

1 John 1 9 also talks with sin. And then to conclude this episode, I also wanted to talk about rewards in heaven. So we have Matthew chapter 6, 19 through 21, 2 Corinthians 5 10 and Revelation 22 12. So hopefully we can get Darryl back on. He has

a lot of knowledge about the scripture and he's just a wise man of God and somebody that I look up to. So again, I do apologize in advance for the internet issues. I'm going to do my best in post-production to minimize all the bugs and delays, but thank you so much for listening and

Share this episode with anybody you feel is struggling with with sin or unforgiveness, right? ⁓ We must come together as The body of Christ so that we may be there for each other So that we're not struggling alone and that we're doing life together Are you guys until next time take care of yourself and take care of each other. Bye