Bridesmaid Demotions, SIL Drama & Tough Boundaries with my MOH!

What happens when your vision for the perfect wedding collides with reality?

In this episode, I sit down with my best friend and matron of honor, Ivette, for a candid and hilarious conversation about the highs and lows of wedding planning.

From juggling family expectations to incorporating meaningful cultural traditions, Ivette shares how she navigated the chaos of planning her wedding while staying true to her values. We also dive into some of the wildest wedding hot takes submitted by listeners—prepare for strong opinions and unfiltered reactions!

Whether you're a bride-to-be, a bridesmaid, or just love a good wedding story, this episode is packed with relatable moments, laughs, and real talk about what truly matters on the big day.

Join me on Patreon and get bonus content every month! 

Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments

• The Reality of Wedding Planning – Ivette opens up about the stress of balancing her dream wedding with family pressures.
• Bringing Culture Into the Celebration – How Ivette honored her heritage through unique wedding traditions.
• Hosting a Full House – The chaos (and comedy) of accommodating 11 guests in a tiny apartment.
• Wedding Hot Takes – We react to bold listener opinions on cash bars, unplugged ceremonies, and more.
• The Bridesmaid Selection Dilemma – Do brides really choose bridesmaids based on skills and aesthetics?
• Setting Boundaries in Wedding Planning – Ivette’s take on standing firm against outside expectations.
• What Really Matters on the Big Day – The moments that made Ivette’s wedding truly unforgettable.

About Ivette

Ivette is a mommy, a wife, and a psychotherapist in training. She loves girl talk and giving unsolicited advice. She's all about conversations that matter because she believes people matter. She was also Christa’s Maid of Honor in her wedding.

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A Team Dklutr Production

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 2:40 Wedding Memories and Friendship
• 6:55 Wedding Planning Stress and Traditions
• 9:54 [Ad] Travel Trends with Dan Christian
• 10:45 (Cont.) Wedding Planning Stress and Traditions
• 12:11 Hot Takes and Wedding Drama
• 29:27 Wedding Planning Chaos Begins
• 30:03 Bridesmaid Drama Unfolds
• 32:34 Family Tensions and Wedding Demands
• 44:48 The Wedding and Aftermath

Transcript

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Christa Innis: Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of here comes the drama. I'm your host Christa I don't really have much of an intro today because i'm just so excited and want to jump right in I have one of my best friends and the matron of honor from my own wedding Ivette And we're just going to have some like girl talk just kind of hang out we recorded this at night.

So we're drinking our favorite cocktails So depending on the time of day you're listening grab a coffee your favorite mocktail your favorite cocktail And just hang out with us. we go over some crazy wedding stories, some crazy hot takes. And most of all, I feel like I say this every week, but the most insane story that's ever been sent to me.

I don't want to spoil anything. So let's just jump right into the episode and I hope you guys enjoy because it's insane. So here we go. Enjoy the episode.

I'm so excited for the episode today. And I wanted things to be like a little less formal because I have one of my very best friends, Ivette here, who just so happened to also be the matron of honor in my wedding. And so I thought it would be more of just like it. A fun hangout session because we're busy moms and this is how we hang out these days on zoom call.

Yes, 

Ivette: and I knew that we were going to do this and I was like, we need to have a drink because we just need to relax, enjoy ourselves and have fun. 

Christa Innis: Seriously, I know. I feel like we actually need to like just start scheduling these because it's just so hard to get together with everyone's schedules and the kids.

It's just like, right now, all our kids, I should say are in bed because that's just like perfect time to just. Exactly. 

Ivette: Yes. 

Christa Innis: What are you drinking today, Ivette? Margarita. 

Ivette: It's go to. You can never go wrong with tequila. You make a 

Christa Innis: good margarita. I know and I'm like, that sounds so good.

I'm drinking some wine. this is not sponsored but a brand sent me this. It's called Grazi wines, right? And it's really delicious. It's a rose. It's a rose. Yeah. It's like a no sugar added, but it's a boxed wine. I don't know. That really sounds like it's sponsored. I swear to God it's not sponsored. but anyways, cheers.

Cheers to hanging out. All  

Ivette: right, let's get into it. Virtual hangout reminds me of our COVID hangouts. 

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. It's so funny you said that because I was just looking at pictures because I was like, Oh, I want to do a little post that I'm going to have you on the podcast. And I was like, Oh my gosh, 2020 we had like weekly virtual, like game nights.

Yeah. It, like, changed everything. 

Ivette: I know. Thank God that you, like, would set that up with not just us, but other people, because I was just going stir crazy. 

Christa Innis: Oh my gosh. Same. was mostly Zach. Like, he'd be like, we need to, like, call people. And then once that started, we'd be like, yeah, let's, get this going.

So I feel like we would call you guys. We'd call, my cousin in Texas. Like, we had, like, a little group going, and it was so great to connect with people because it was like, you couldn't go anywhere.   

Ivette: I'm like Zach's sister was on too and we were all just hanging out. Yeah. Yeah. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. 

Ivette: Good times.

Christa Innis: Yeah, we, needed that. Oh my gosh, I'm so glad you said that. Like, brings me back. Someone posted something about 2020 Today and they're like, isn't that crazy to think that was half a decade ago? And I was like, no. 

Ivette: That's wild. 

Christa Innis: I feel like so much has happened since then, but the same time that feels like yesterday.

Ivette: Yeah, same, but also so many lifetimes ago, you're right. 

Christa Innis: Yeah, I feel like that's just how life goes now. Alright, before we get too far into it, can you just tell everyone a little bit about you and like, what you do? You're like, oh my gosh, pressure. yeah. I mean, I feel like there's so much to know, but just Okay, 

Ivette: So for those of you that don't know me, I'm joking. for Krista's wedding, I was like, that was how I started my speech. I said, you know, I asked my husband for all this advice on how to start my speech. And he's like, whatever you do, don't start it with for those of you that don't know me.

And so I did that. but yeah, I mean, I met Krista through, my husband, who's actually her husband's friend. And he was a, Best man in their wedding. And then Zach was the best man in our wedding. but yeah, I'm currently a mom of two. I'm a grad student about to graduate in eight weeks. and yeah, I think I'm a really like authentic, real person.

. I like to be vulnerable and get to know people and so I'm not really good with surface level conversations I like to get deep and get to know people. So 

Christa Innis: yeah are that person that like I feel like that's when we like started connecting is when we're like Oh, we love these one on one conversations we would just get lost in conversations like it didn't matter what was going on around us 

Ivette: Yeah, 

Christa Innis: it literally went from us Knowing each other to very service level, knowing each other to like in distance.

Like we'd be like, oh, okay. Hi Eva. Hi Krista. And then all of sudden we're like, bam. we'd be texting all the time when we see each other. We'd be like these deep conversations. And then it was just, the rest 

Ivette: is, like, I felt like you were my partner in crime for like a good amount of time before the babies came.

Like for sure. 

Christa Innis: Yes. 

Ivette: and like, yeah. 

Christa Innis: I feel like those last few years before. COVID, and then like, obviously doing our virtual calls a lot during 2020. Those years, really, like, brought us together, I feel like, and now, like, we were just saying, now it's been, years. I mean, because I, probably first met you when Zach and I first got together, which was 11 years ago now, which is crazy.

Or going on 

Ivette: 11, going on 12, I don't know. Yes. I still remember the day that I met you. Like, I will always remember the day that I met you. Which is so weird, because I tell people that. I'm like, isn't it so crazy? I think I've told you this before. Like, it's crazy to think that you always remember, like, the important people in your life.

I remember meeting you. I remember meeting Matt. I remember meeting, like, some of my other best friends. And, like, anyone else, I don't really remember. But I, Remember like what people are wearing and so yeah,   

Christa Innis: yeah, those vivid moments that stick in your mind Yeah, no, that's funny.

I don't know. I feel like the same way I was just looking back at like Wedding photos too when I was like picking out stuff and I was like, oh my gosh even that like for my wedding I feel so long ago And yeah, just all the craziness since then okay, before I get too, like, blabby because Y makes me chat a lot, so I'm gonna slurp.

Ivette: Not going to lie. I may have had like a tiny little shot to keep up. 

Christa Innis: Hey girl, this is moms after dark. I mean, I know when this episode comes out, I'll come out in the morning. But if you guys if you're listening and you don't listen to it till later have a glass of wine with us have a margarita with us your drink a choice a coffee, you know, what have you just run a like let loose and hang out a little bit.

so Let's get into crazy stories and some wedding hot takes, but I kind of want to switch it up a little bit Talking about your own wedding. I know not like saying Oh throw people under the bus. No, I'm not saying that talking about your own wedding. Like what was like the planning experience for you?

I know you were really stressed during your wedding planning and that was like A lot. you talked about like having a lot on your plate at that time. what's something unforgettable about your own wedding experience that you kind of just like held on to? like good, you were saying?

I brought up like the stress, but like, yeah, what was your planning like? And then looking back, your like memories that you held on to about it. 

Ivette: So, yeah, I think planning was really stressful because I really wanted to, like, stick to my values and be like, okay, this is what I want, this is what I like, but also, like, more importantly, I wanted to build a foundation for my marriage, and I wanted the people that I feel like helped Change my life for the better or we're like really important into like my pivotal story of like this is who we've at Was this is who I am now I am like proud to be this person this woman entering into marriage And I want those people to like stand beside me not just to come to my wedding but to be like listen support you through any season in your marriage, right?

That's like super important to me And so I think I was stressed out because so many of those people Don't live in our state. They live in other countries. They live in the U. S. But maybe they live on the West Coast, right? or even East Coast. so for me, it was really stressful to get everyone together at the same time and make sure that they were, like, taken care of.

Like I could take care of them the way that they've taken care of me, so I think that's, that was really,  stressful and then of course, you remember, like, we had our apartment in Chicago and I think there was like 11 people staying at our place, like, we had a one bedroom apartment in Chicago and it was like body after body  after body, like just anyone sleep anywhere, you know, like during our wedding season, so that was intense.

Um, like the 

Christa Innis: epitome of Ivette, I remember specifically, there was like one moment in all the craziness where it was just you and me like in your apartment and you were like Really worried about like pleasing everyone around you and I was like just take a breather It's your wedding. You should enjoy and you're like but Krista There's people from everywhere and we like had a moment.

I was just like take up like it's okay But you're like you were hosting so many people when you say it that way, too It's like people are flying from another country or from other side of the country And so you put like a lot of pressure on yourself.

It's like very normal. 

Ivette: Yeah and then I think like the biggest takeaway is like, I am bilingual. I speak Spanish and English and I wanted every single person at my wedding to feel like seen and like. understand like, Oh, this is a part of me. Like, so just being like very true and then very true to myself.

And then also like, it's so sweet when you get to have, like, I'm sure you remember your wedding, every single person that has ever like, meant anything to you. that's the sweetest thing in the world. And so I think that's just like the biggest takeaway. I'm like, can we like renew our vows just so that our favorite people are together again.

Cause That's so special. Yeah, 

Christa Innis: one of my favorite things about your wedding as a guest was all the like Cultural and traditional things you kind of like brought in together and just made it your own are certain things that you guys did that I'd never seen at weddings before which I was like, this is so fun This is so cool.

Like, can you explain some of the like things that you guys did at your wedding? Like was like the bridge thing, right? 

Ivette: oh, oh, yeah, so there's just like Mexican traditions that we wanted to incorporate into our wedding, it's just been passed down through generations, I don't know what they mean, I was just like, oh, I've seen this done time after time, and I don't know what the meaning is, but it's important to, like, follow those traditions, and, be true to my roots kind of thing, and so, um, 

Christa Innis: Oh, I love that.

That was like one thing I couldn't stop talking about. I was it was so like beautiful and unique to like you and your story. And I thought that was just like, it was really cool. 

Ivette: Yeah, you're talking about the, it's called La Vibra de la Mar, which is everyone lines up and hold hands and you like, the groom is, Um, and he's standing either like on a chair or being held by his groomsman and then the bride's on the other side and then he's like holding up her veil and everyone's running through the gas, like holding hands, like really, really fast and then the music speeds up.

You keep running faster and faster and like people are like tripping or losing their shoes or like, falling over everywhere. And so, yeah, yeah, it's a really fun tradition that we do. And there's a couple of dances that we do as well, like country style dances that we do, line dances.

And so, yeah. 

Christa Innis: Yeah, that's 

Ivette: awesome. 

Christa Innis: I love that. All right, let's get into some hot takes. So these are, opinions, some very strong that people send me on Instagram. We're just gonna react to them together, and just give me your first reactions. Okay, first one is, all lettings should be unplugged.

Ivette: Oh, okay, this is hard. Okay, I agree. I agree, but being a mom, I'm like, oh, that's hard. Like, have your phone for, like, emergencies.  But I don't need people, like, taking pictures or recording, because, like, I paid for a photographer and a videographer, and I want you to, like, enjoy the moment. You know, yes.

Christa Innis:  yeah, I don't see unplugged as like, we're gonna have you turn in your phone and lock it in a box, heard of like very extreme, you know, places doing that. But yeah, like, turn your phone off and make sure you know how to turn it on silent. Or like have vibrate because I can't tell you the number of weddings I've been to where there's signs literally and people announce it and you still see people with their iPad or their phone and I'm like, no, don't do it.

Ivette: Yeah. That's so worse. I do hate that. yeah, I be present. I'm all about being present. 

Christa Innis: Yes. Yeah. And chances are as good as the iPhone photos are, the photographer is still going to be 10 times better. Okay, next one says if you are going to have a cash bar, just don't even have one.

Ivette: Oh, like the gas pay? No, no, no, no, no. No, they're your guests. This is like your event. It's not like you're doing like, I don't know, backyard barbecue. No. Oh, I feel like you should, pay for the guests or 

Christa Innis: something 

Ivette: like 

Christa Innis: that. So this person saying that if you're planning on having a cash bar, you might as well just not even have one because I think they're agreeing.

You should have a bar like open bar. 

Ivette: Yeah, 100%. 

Christa Innis: Yeah, I agree I was just telling a story so sorry if to people listening if I just told us on a podcast episode Or if it's coming out soon, but I was at a wedding once where it was open until like 8 p. m. But they didn't tell anyone. They switched it.

So I remember Zach and I going up to the bar and he ordered drinks and the lady was like, 10 bucks or 15 bucks. And he's like, Oh, I thought it was open. And they're like, Oh, it's switched to cash at eight. And they didn't announce it or anything. And yeah. Was I at this wedding with you? Cause I feel like I've been to this too.

Like I don't think so. So when Zach and I first started dating years ago. Oh, okay. Those poor people listening are like, oops. No, they want to be listening. 

Ivette: Okay. I feel like I've been to a wedding like that too, but I feel like I knew that was going to happen. They're like, okay, open bars, closed.

Now it's like, you know. Yeah. 

Christa Innis: my thing is too, it's like, There's different levels for what you can afford, obviously. And so I've been to all kinds where there's like, I don't think I've ever been to a hundred percent cash bar. I think I've been to like ones that are just wine and beer.

And I think that's great. if only in your budget, you can fit wine and beer and. seltzers or like, some kind of pop drinks or whatever non alcoholic. I think that's great I do think there should be some kind of beverage that's offered. That's Yeah, 

I don't know I get and there's also different levels of like How formal someone wants their wedding, I get it sometimes that that's the vibe But yeah, I'm all for I knew I wanted that was like something in my budget I want an open bar.

Ivette: Yeah, if you're like getting married at Drake In downtown Chicago and you're like having people pay for their drinks. That's a problem But like if you're more conservative and like, Not as wild with your then it makes sense. Like, okay, we're gonna just have the basic stuff and that I 

Christa Innis: totally agree with but Yeah.

Okay. This last one says some bridesmaids are only chosen for their talents or aesthetic. Is this a say it or drink? 

Ivette: Yes. Yeah, I didn't choose bridesmaids because of this, but I have friends who I feel like may have been chosen for this reason. And it's like, they have the skills, the equipment, that kind of thing. Mm hmm. Yeah. 

Christa Innis: I feel like I'd be really careful what I say sometimes.

There have been times I've felt in the past where I was chosen because of like, I'm very crafty. I'm a crafty girl. I love my crafts. You give me a project. I won't. ever do like a C minus job. I will do that A plus job. I will give extra effort. And so there's been a time or two that I was a bridesmaid that I was like, should I have been a bridesmaid?

I don't know. And it all was great. It was great. But, I think just sometimes you have to really think about down the line or even at that time, who you want by your side. Not for what they can offer you, but like your relationship to them. feel like it's complicated because everyone looks at it differently.

But I don't know, I've also heard of people, and this is not anyone I know personally, just through stories that people have sent me, it's just like, they'll be asked to be in a wedding, and they're kind of like, they kind of ask themselves, like, why am I a part of this? Like, you don't even try to be my friend outside of the wedding planning.

so I've seen that happen a lot, where they're like more questioning, like, do you just want someone by your side? Whereas 

Ivette: I've actually had that happen to me before. Yeah, where, Okay. It was clear that they were meant to be in the wedding and this person asked me to be in the wedding and it was like, are you sure?

Like, we were both kind of like, why would she ask? Like, it was just really strange. And, you know, of course I said yes. but yeah, it just didn't fit well. And then of course our friendship isn't. Yeah. 

Christa Innis: I know that's interesting how that works with, like, it's almost like a precursor maybe. 

Ivette: he has 10 people, I have 8 friends, I need 2 more people.

I 

Christa Innis: need to add somebody. Yes. Yeah. No, I totally see that. Yeah, that's interesting how that works when you kind of look back and you're like, Okay, maybe that's why. I will say, majority of the times that I was a bridesmaid, it was like, I kind of had expected it. That being said, if you were asked today, or I feel like most of your friends are married or, committed, do you feel like at this point you would be in any other weddings?

Or if someone were to ask you, do you feel like you're better at saying no if it wasn't the right fit? 

Ivette:  I think, okay, so I have a few friends and family members who are still going to get married and I know like for a fact that I would say yes. I would have to find like a really good excuse for someone who is like a little bit more than a friend kind of thing because that's just who I am.

It's like, I've always told people like if you mean something, if we've had like a relationship in my life, Life like I will never forget you like I will have your back You can call me like 10 years later if we've lost touch, you know that kind of thing So I'm just a sucker that way So I want to say like because I'm a mom and I'm busy now and work stuff Like it would be easier for me to say no at the same time I am a people pleaser a little bit which I'm working on.

Christa Innis: So I had a like beg you to like say no to me, even like when you were like doing stuff for my wedding. I remember you had so much going on, just different things that would come up. And I'd be like, Ivette, it's okay if you can't come to the bachelorette party. It's okay if you can't do this. you're like, I'm going to be there.

And I was like. Okay, but like, I know the pressure's not coming from me. Oh, no. No. But I know, it's hard, because there are people like that, and you put an expectation on yourself. I'm the exact same way when I'm a part of the wedding. okay. I warned you before we got on, but I have a story for this week, and it's a little long, so I want to jump right in.

if we haven't been chatting for like, I don't even know what time I got on. 20 minutes? I don't so feel free to stop me at any point. this week's story submission. Isays, phew, this may be petty, but this story needs to be told.

My sister in law, let's call her Lizzie, was a narcissistic Nightmare of a Bride, and she and my brother don't speak to my family anymore because of her insane wedding drama. Not exaggerating, they have now not spoken to me in over two years and claim to have cut me out of their lives fully and forever with no explanation.

I'm sure you'll think I'm the crazy one because of that, but hear me out. Let me first say I will not think you're the crazy one because I, especially through receiving all these stories. There are three sides to every story, and I'm sure you know this in your line of work, like, you can only, like, hear so much and just absorb, what you're being told, right?

I mean, I don't want to read into things, but yeah. 

Ivette: I'm also such, like, a devil's advocate, though, so I'm always like, well, we'll What about this or what about that? I'm like, yeah, sorry to whoever said this, but yes, I am. I'm here to listen I mean, I 

Christa Innis: agree with you though, too. I feel likewhen I first started sharing stories, people would get like, I shouldn't say people for the most part, people like the stories, but everyone's gonna be like, you only talk about mother in laws.

How about you talk about mother of the bride? And I was like, well, yeah, Fun fact mother in law could be of the bride or the groom, but okay, and they were just getting offended and I was like well, I try to say stories about all kinds of people related to the story, most of the stories I get just happen to be from brides.

so now I try to look at it in a lens of like, okay, what are the other details I'm getting? Because sometimes I read a story, I'm like, oh, that's not the best. Not the best looking, but okay. she says I'm the oldest of three siblings. My sister, Cassie is in the middle. These are all fake names.

my brother, Max is the youngest. My brother, Max, and his now wife, Lizzie started dating in college. They're young in their mid twenties at this point and started talking about getting married in 2020 and planning their wedding before they got engaged, which I thought was a bit weird, but whatever, no harm, no foul until My sister Cassie fell in love with her now husband, oh, Alex, the same year, 2020.

My sister Cassie and her man Alex are in their mid 30s, so they're older and ready to start their lives together, buy a house, and start a family. They get engaged in the spring of 2021 and tell our whole family they're planning to get married in a year, March 2022. Yay! We're so excited for them. Or so I thought.

Okay. The next thing I know, I get a call from my younger brother, Max, who is not engaged to Lizzie at this point. They're still just dating, but he's upset. He tells me Lizzie has been inconsolable, crying and depressed in bed for three days because my sister got engaged first.

Oh my gosh. 

Ivette: Yeah.

This is hard. This is hard. that sucks. Sorry. Like, why would that mean anything to you? Yes. you should be happy. You should be happy for them. Like, that is a really big red flag if you're like, Uh, I didn't get engaged first. Like, what about me? Like, I've paid my time. No, like, these people are happy.

They're older. you don't know if they want to have kids, right? Like, you don't know what, their plan is. Maybe they're more like financially established. You don't really know. So I feel like if you're looking forward to like get married and be a part of someone's family, you should be happy when they reach their milestones too.

And when, The siblings get engaged. Like, why would you make it about yourself? 

Christa Innis: I know. Especially because they're not even engaged at this point. Like, and even if they were, like, us and we're engaged at the same time. Like, I don't get the competitive, like, back and forth. that was a similar story I just shared about a girl, like, demanded to be engaged before her, they were dating brothers.

Demand to be engaged before her. And this was like a true story. Someone sent me and it's just like, I just don't get that. 

Ivette: my sister in law and her husband now they had been dating forever. You actually went to high school with them. But my husband and I, Matt, we actually got engaged before them and.

She asked me like, is it okay if we get married, whatever date, which was before our wedding. And I was like, yeah, of course. Like, I really don't care. Like, I'm happy for you. what can I do to help you? You know? And it was so fun to like be in the process together and be like, Oh, look at your ring, look at my ring.

And. What are you doing with this? And, oh, I might bounce that idea off of you, and, oh, that's good for you, but I don't like that style, and it was, so fun to be a part of each other's wedding, so. 

Christa Innis: Yeah, that's what people, I don't get, because it's like, then you have a fun, unit of, your family's growing, like, now you have a sister, and, you know, you have someone you can call up, and, like, it's the same with, When a mother in law gets angry or brother in law, whatever.

It's like you're just causing more of a barrier like wouldn't you want I guess people that think like that don't think down the line like We're not gonna get along. I don't know. 

Ivette: Right? Oh, yeah, so I can really play devil's advocate here 

Christa Innis: Yeah, but the girl that Wrote this in is on their side 

Oh, and took their wedding year. She said, yes, reader took their wedding year. I'm like, hang on, Max. What do you mean? It took your wedding year. You're not even engaged yet. He says, well, we wanted to get married in 2022. And now Cassie is going to steal our thunder because she's getting married before us.

I'm like, but you're not even engaged yet, Max. I had like two of my really good friends, two of my best friends get married the same year as me. And I was like, that's so fun. Cause I'm thinking like 10, 20 years down the line, we're the same anniversary year. Like let's go on an anniversary trip.

Like, that's the way I think. 

Yeah. And you're like going through all the seasons together. Like it just makes it so much more fun. Like a big party, I mean, I hear of two people getting mad too about like pregnancies and stuff and I'm like, I love that. Like, yeah, that's a thing. That is a thing.

I got a story where a girl was kicked out of the wedding because she announced her pregnancy and they were like, I don't want you announcing stuff. Well, I mean, people are insane. 

Ivette: Oh my goodness. They 

Christa Innis: thought the pregnancy would take away too much attention from the bride. I was like If you really care about those people, you'd be celebrating them.

You'd be like, how can I make the day better for you? Because you're pregnant at my wedding. I was 

Ivette: I was pregnant at your wedding. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. I was like, I had two pregnant bridesmaids and I thought it was so fun. And it's so fun to look back at pictures and be like, Oh, like, I don't know, just looking back at those memories.

Yeah. And then we get to like go through this chapter together with our kids, like. 

Ivette: Mm hmm. Imagine me being kicked out of the wedding because I was pregnant. 

Christa Innis: I'm like, I, like what? 

Ivette: Yeah, no. That 

Christa Innis: needs to be like researched in a deep, I don't know laboratory somewhere people that think that way.

I'll be like part of my next psych research. Yes very niche I know she says I'm like, but you're not even engaged yet max You haven't proposed. You can't expect our sister, who's older than you, to put her life on hold because you guys called the wedding year 2022. it's not like calling shotgun.

He's super hurt by me saying this, and said it's important that you understand our hurt over this. I'll be honest, I did not mince words, and maybe that was a mistake, but I said, I love you, but this is crazy. You're an adult. Please be happy for a sister and stop making this about you. I think that's pretty nice.

Yeah, 

Ivette: and I'm honestly so shocked that this guy, bought into his girlfriend's whatever she has going on, like, in her mind, this, game that she's playing. for you Just sit there and be like, no, my girlfriend's right, who you've been dating for, I don't know, a couple years and you've known your sister your whole life.

Christa Innis: It's like, really? Like, I don't know. yeah, that's just like a big red flag for me. Nope. Yeah, you wonder what manipulation's going on behind the scenes. What's 

Ivette: Gaslighting there for sure. 

Christa Innis: Yes, like, oh, your family is terrible. Like, I'm no expert. I don't know this stuff just from like seeing stories.

I'm like, if a person you're dating is pulling you away from your family instead of celebrating them, that's It's a red flag. that's kind of like textbook, isn't that? Yeah. Yeah. 

Ivette: That's not good. 

Christa Innis: when you and Lizzie get engaged and married, we will be just as excited for you, she says.

For the next four months, my brother, Max, and his still girlfriend, Lizzie, proceed to have lengthy talks with my parents and us about how hurt they are about my sister's engagement. Oh my gosh. And wedding planning. They say they do not feel cared for or validated in their pain. Cue gagging noises, she says.

Oh, it's terrible. mean, and I hate to be like, oh, she said they're 20s and then the older sister's 30, so I don't know, like, if that means, like, 23, 24. But they just, they sound very, like, they need to, live a little life. But I mean someone in their 40s could act like that.

So I don't really want to play the age game, but it just sounds very odd to just not all of a sudden not be happy for your sister because you're supposed to get engaged first. 

Ivette: Yeah, absolutely. And then still not being engaged and still complaining about it. Like it's my wedding year, but you're not even engaged still.

That makes no sense. Absolutely. 

Christa Innis: Okay, I'm going to read into it before we read a little bit further, but it's almost like the brother doesn't actually want to get engaged. The younger brother, right? So instead of like, the pressure being put on him, he's going to turn it on his family and be like, Oh, can you believe that?

Well, now they're taking your thunder, so I can't. Because don't you think if this happened and he really wanted to get engaged and married first, he would just propose? 

Ivette: Yeah, he would have proposed like right away. And then set a wedding date before that. And then like beat them to the, yeah, I was just gonna say that.

And then like beat them to the, wedding date. And said they're just over here crying about it 

Christa Innis: and not doing anything. 

Ivette: he's kind of a coward too. 

Christa Innis: I think it's. Him kind of pushing his feet in the sand or whatever the phrase is. 

Ivette: No, it's not that he's being a coward. He's like, I know the red flags and this is just giving me time.

Christa Innis: Yes. Let's direct it toward the anger towards my family and not me. Yes. That's just the vibe I'm getting. My brother, Max, finally proposes to Lizzie in the fall of 2021, and they start planning their wedding for September 2022, six months after my sister's wedding will take place.

 Okay. For a while, everything is copacetic. I hope I'm pronouncing that right. And then Lizzie starts sending lengthy wedding planning emails that are insane. She starts off with me and my sisters as bridesmaids.

After that, I would not want to be her bridesmaid. Talking about, I don't know. I guess it's hard because it's like you want to just like move forward. He's probably your baby brother. So you're like, let's just make things work. But you know, things are going to be. Not great. but pretty quickly, oh, pretty quickly demotes us to special guests.

Ivette: Oh my gosh, no. That 

Christa Innis: might be the kindest thing she's ever done for me, she says. She wants us to attend a bachelorette weekend, a wedding shower, an engagement party weekend, and the wedding. All separate weekends and all flying out. That's a lot. That's terrible. 

Ivette: That is. Yes. For her to first be like, yeah, I want you to be a bridesmaid.

where, in your timeline of being a part of this family, do you see that being a good thing? Do you see them saying, yes, I would've, that I would've been like, no. , no. and then to be demoted, like to demote them? I can't believe that. I can't believe that. how do you even have that conversation with them?

Christa Innis: a special guest now, so you just get like a badge or something. Like, what does that mean? But yet, she still wants them to attend four different things and fly out for all of them. 

Ivette: Still come, still pay for everything, still make me the center of attention. 

Christa Innis: Yes. Oh my gosh, and she's probably that kind of bride, even if you have like a white speck on your dress, she's like, change.

Don't have any white anywhere near you. 

Ivette: You can't have white shoes. No way. You can't. I don't know if you're dresses poofier than hers. You're out. You're out. 

Christa Innis: I was just telling someone how my cousin Jasmine, how when we were out at the bachelorette party, she had a shirt that had like white flowers on it.

And she was like, I won't wear it. I'm so sorry. And I was like, Jasmine, you can wear that. I literally, you could literally put a white shirt on right now. What? I was there. I know. I didn't know if you were like, during that conversation, but I was just like, Oh yeah. 

Ivette: Yeah. I think we were all like looking at ourselves in the mirror and then she like noticed it.

And then that's when you guys had like, Oh, that's, 

Christa Innis: yeah. Right 

Ivette: before we were leaving. 

Christa Innis: I don't care.

Ivette: you could tell her like her whole outfit could be white and it would be fine. 

Christa Innis: Yeah, I was like, I would have been like, yeah, we're both the brides. I literally don't care. I'm just happy everyone's here. And I'm like, and I'm someone too, where it's like, I, to multiple people, I was like, don't feel like you have to come to everything or any of it.

Obviously, the wedding's the most important. So if you can't make it to a shower or bachelorette, I'm fine. Two or three people couldn't come to the bachelorette. And I was like, that's totally fine. Like, people that were in the wedding. And it was like, we moved on. We did our own thing. It was all good.

Like, to put pressure That's the thing is like, everyone's different. But like, to put pressure on people. Like, you have to come. Spend all this money. And That's where people get stressed out. And I'm like, I'm more excited about people just being by my side at the wedding. That was the biggest thing for me.  

She says, okay. I'm like, girl, again, I love you, but I don't have the money to fly out for four separate events. I can come to two of these. Plus, my sister's getting married too, so I've got her bachelorette and wedding, remember? Which kind of would take precedence, would think. Yikes. Shouldn't have mentioned that.

We immediately start getting lectured. Lizzie tells us, we told everyone that your sister's wedding would steal our thunder and look, see, we can't have the wedding we want because of your sister's wedding. But it's like, either way, you are asking people to fly out to four events. Like, that is insane. 

Ivette: Yeah.

And then for, I just can't believe that she's like, see, it's taking away from my wedding. Like, it's over yourself. I'm over this girl. I'm over her. I'm over 

Christa Innis: her. It's so, like, this is why there's the name Bridezilla, because of this bride, and I hate that because, like, so many times it's, like, a nice bride that just has a boundary, and it's like, okay.

 No, she's not a bridezilla, but this is like, no, like everyone bowed down to me. It's my year. I own the whole year. And it's like, no, that's not how it works.   

Ivette: No, I'm out. I don't like her. Yeah. 

Christa Innis: And also to like be in the mind of the bride who's already having issues, you know, with everything. why would you want the sisters to be at your bachelorette party if you don't like them so much?

Where's that? 

Ivette: Yes. That perspective. Perfect. yeah. It's like, they're doing you a favor. by getting married around the same time. It's like, thank you, yes, perfect. 

Christa Innis: Yeah, so you can be with your friends. And I just, I don't get it. okay, it says, Lizzie and Max continue to rag us about this.

Including the week of my sister's wedding. With long, ridiculous emails about how they feel abandoned by the family. Because not everyone can attend every single one of their expensive destination events. I wish I was joking and I wish I could copy verbatim the email they sent to my immediate family five days before my sister got married about their hurt feelings.

Also not to mention they're getting married six months after the other sister. That's plenty of time to then focus on them, right? it's not like they're getting married the week after. 

Ivette: Literally start sending save the dates right after the wedding. Yeah. Like, yeah, shouldn't even overlap at all. 

Christa Innis: No, that's plenty of time away from each other.

can you imagine demanding someone to pay attention to you the whole year? this is my year, nothing else can happen. 

Ivette: yeah, I don't, have friends like that, thank God. I don't think I could be friends with someone like that. No, 

Christa Innis: no. It makes me wonder, I mean, how, maybe she only has the sisters.

Because she doesn't have friends. Yeah, I don't know. That's rough. she said they even requested that my sister not speak about her wedding at any of their wedding events. I feel the need to insert here that my sister Cassie is very down to earth, unfussy, lovely and intelligent college professor.

She is not a diva. She never makes things about herself. Or makes herself the center of attention. So the fact that they even felt upstaged by her is truly a masterclass in security. This girl should be a writer. I love this like image. I was going to say that she's so insecure. I think it's probably too.

It's like the fact, like the way she just described her older sister, the younger girlfriend or now fiance sounds very. intimidated, almost. Like, oh, they've got, their stuff together, she's intelligent, but it's like Maybe you can just look up to her. Maybe pick apart a couple like things that you want to like Yes I just I don't my sister Cassie lovely husband Alex have a beautifulheartfelt budget friendly Wedding in March of 2022 family and friends attend our Midwest cousins who all have kids are able to attend because the wedding is driving distance for them and my sister thoughtfully planned it over their kids school break my brother Max and Lizzie sleep late miss their first flight so they don't even make it in time for the rehearsal dinner weird weird how that happened something I now wonder about did they really sleep through their alarms or was it just a stunt to pull the focus Probably.

He, 

Ivette: like, wakes 

Christa Innis: up, like, changes 

Ivette: the alarm, like, on their phone. 

Christa Innis: Yes! Oh my gosh. I have no idea. They probably, like, purposely, planned a later flight or something. 

Ivette: 100%. I think she did it. I don't think the brother did it. I think she was like, Oh, babe, I looked at the flights, they don't have any more.

It's just, like, we have to go to the later one. 

Christa Innis: Mm hmm. It makes you wonder like someone that's acting like this and he's so easily manipulated Or she might make up stories to tell him like, oh, this is what they said to me This is what they did to me and just like victim mode. Oh my gosh. This could be like a whole series After the wedding my sister and alex go to their honeymoon to europe While in Europe on their honeymoon, Lizzie and Max start texting their complaints and grievances about who is not attending their pre wedding events to the family group chat again.

I text them privately and say, hey, it'd be cool if you let our sister enjoy her honeymoon for a minute. If you have issues, please text the rest of us directly, but leave them out of this. Spoiler alert. They don't block. I'd be blocking. I'd be like, I'm on my honeymoon. 

Ivette: Yeah, 

Christa Innis: by the way, like 

Ivette: maybe through pictures, but like, I'm not, I suck at answering text messages and phone calls.

So my honeymoon, it's like, Ivette's dead. She's gone. You were like, you weren't even 

Christa Innis: thinking about that. 

Ivette: No, absolutely not. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. I don't even remember texting anybody on my honeymoon. I feel like we left our phones in the hotel room because we were at a resort. Sorry. 

Ivette: I think like, we actually never went on a honeymoon.

We went on a trip. But our trip. that sounds like a bridezilla thing, a thing of bridezilla. I don't 

Christa Innis: even know, I don't know, shut up. 

Ivette: I think I only use it for pictures, I don't even know if I had service. So it's like, I don't know. 

Christa Innis: Yeah, I would be blocking if someone just kept bugging me I'd be like I need to be in this oasis away from all that And good on this I don't know whatever the OPS whoever like sent in this story good on you You're being a great like Boundary holder for your family.

That's a lot of responsibility, but I'm proud of you for like stepping in Lizzie makes the next six months hell for my email inbox. She sends detailed look books and dress code guidelines for her engagement party weekend, micromanaging everyone's travel plans, setting detailed schedules down to the minute for every single pre wedding event.

And giving main character syndrome, I'd say, a whole new meaning. She also continued to complain about how they feel abandoned and unloved by my extended family from the Midwest, who have been invited to their engagement party weekend, but cannot attend. I'm sorry, I would not be flying to an engagement party.

I just 

Ivette: want it. And also the fact that you are sending, dress codes and lookbooks to the engagement party? Like, it's not even the wedding. 

Christa Innis: Yeah. Like, that's a lot for a wedding, but that I can understand a little bit more. But an engagement party, you're going to tell people what to wear, so they have to go out to a store, pay more money.

the engagement party weekend is at a small beach resort town. It's expensive to fly to and the kids all have school. My sister's wedding was over their spring break.

I try to explain to my brother and Lizzie saying, hey, the side of the family has kids. They're not rich and they genuinely cannot afford to come to the event. It's a multi day event that would put their kids out of school. You're talking thousands of dollars just in plane tickets, not to mention hotel rooms.

You didn't even invite them to your wedding. Just invited them to this and they Can't afford to come. Like the kids. Yeah, they invited the parents and kids, the engagement party, but didn't invite the kids to the wedding. So, she says, don't take it personally, you just really didn't plan this with them in mind.

Telling my brother and Lizzie this truth was clearly a mistake. Lizzie sent our whole family a text saying that it was unfortunate that our family didn't support or care about them enough to show up. At this point, I really started to feel ill over the fact that my brother was marrying this girl.

It's just a red flag after red flag. I'm beginning to feel like a prop, because the other thing I haven't mentioned, she's becoming a wedding content creator during all of this.

Ivette: Oh my god, I want to know who it is! Oh my gosh, this is bad. We can't share this!

Christa Innis: Hey, the girl submitted it and you're all like, I would, maybe share it. She goes, yep, you are that right. She quits her job at a consulting firm to work full time as a content creator and decides that her wedding is the best way to start. We are the props for her perfect Instagram wedding. At this point, I'm hating every minute of her wedding BS, but I'm also trying to keep a relationship intact with my brother because I love him and I'm also like blink twice if you need help.

You know, 

Ivette: oh my gosh, this just put everything into like a whole different perspective like it makes sense like everything needs to be extravagant because the pictures need to look perfect because it needs to be filtered. So that you get more followers and I'm not saying every content creator is this way, but this person sounds like this is what they're doing right yeah 

Christa Innis: totally 100 percent terrible.  

Ivette: Two months before the wedding, my plus one is revoked. Lizzie and my brother feel like I've defended my sister too much and taken her side during all the wedding drama.

Christa Innis: They want to punish me. My plus one is my boyfriend of a year and a half, and we already bought plane tickets. They can't do that. I'd be like, I'm not coming anymore. It's not like, oh, behave and you get a plus one. If you don't behave, you take it. That's not how plus ones work. I call my brother and say, Hey, we already bought plane tickets and got an Airbnb.

It's incredibly cold and rude to disinvite my partner.He said that he and Lizzie now feel as if I'm trying to upstage their wedding by bringing my boyfriend! This cannot be real! And they don't want me making a big deal about it.  oh my gosh.

Okay, at this point, I'm like, F it. I say to my brother, My boyfriend is going to come with me the weekend. If he's not invited to the wedding, that's up to you. You can exclude him. It's in New York City, so he can find something fun to do on his own. My brother says, If you bring him to New York City, I will consider that as an attempt to draw attention from us on our wedding weekend.

Oh, come. These people are insane. I don't, 

Ivette: I don't like him. I just, I can't. I don't. I would 

Christa Innis: not be going. 

Ivette: No, I go. I would go to New York City. I would do all the fun tourist things. I would maybe like, oh, that's your wedding. Oh, hey. And then just keep going about my stuff. But yeah, no, I would go enjoy New York City.

I would not want to be a part of that wedding at all. At all. 

Christa Innis: I see you wouldn't go to the wedding. Oh, no. I would go to New York. Yeah. Hundred percent. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would go to New York. Mm-hmm . Or I'd go to the wedding and like I'd say this, but I would never do this. I'm like, think of something like petty, like wear the wrong color or something.

I wouldn't do that for all white . Walk in a ball gown. Ball gown. Yeah. No, I just wouldn't, I can't do confrontation. I wouldn't be there. I say, well, we're not cancelling his flight. He wants to spend time with me and our family, so he will come and he'll spend time with us outside of the wedding.

You're the one who disinvited him at the last minute in an effort to punish me. One month before the wedding, I get an email from Lizzie telling me that she needs me to get my hair and makeup professionally done. She's not a bridesmaid. You can't make someone do that. She tells me what color to paint my nails, what type of shoes I should wear, and what type of jewelry she expects me to wear.

I respond by telling her politely and a firm boundary. I say, You've given us wedding dress code. I will show up looking lovely and appropriately dressed to your big day. You don't need to tell me what type of specific jewelry to wear or how to paint my nails. I to do my own hair and makeup as I cannot afford to pay a hair and makeup artist of your choosing on top of all the travel expenses.

Thank you. 

Ivette: She's not even in. She was demoted. How dare you?  

Christa Innis: And I'm one for two, where like, even if you are a bridesmaid, give them the option. Like, never You give them 

Ivette: options. Yeah. This is who's doing the hair, this who's doing the makeup. If you want to, sure. If you don't, that's fine too. You 

Christa Innis: feel more comfortable doing it yourself, that's fine. I don't care.

Ivette: This is the company, these are the dresses, or this is the color. These are the 10 different styles that they have. Whatever you want on your body, that's what you choose. Like, you did that for us. Yeah. And, this person wants you to do this, this, this, this, this. it has to be that or you're out. Of what?

Of being a guest of honor? 

Christa Innis: Yeah, I don't even know what that means. This is like, honestly, the craziest story I've ever read. Every week I'm like, oh, this is the craziest I've ever read. I think this is honestly the most insane. Alright, we got two little paragraphs left. Well, that was the last I ever heard from her.

I went to the wedding with my family and without my partner. The food sucked. The venue was ridiculously expensive. She yelled at guests for accidentally walking into the venue too early while they were taking photos. My brother looks like a hostage. Yeah. My mom cried during the vows, but not because she was happy.

My dad talked to the father of the bride and learned that Lizzie had spent triple of the wedding budget. Yikes. She got all the Instagram footage and TikTok dances and pictures she could ever want in order to launch her career as a wedding content creator. There it is. She cared more about the outer, which I feel like people get caught up in so much.

It was like, they get more into the outer appearance of what everyone's going to think about their wedding. Less about your marriage, the future celebrating with your family and friends. Yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent. one of her best friends. And bridesmaids don't even speak anymore. She asked people to pull out their phones during the ceremony and take selfies for social media.

She blocked me on instagram after the wedding because I didn't post about the wedding and I haven't heard from her or my brother in two years. This is gonna be sad. My brother used to Be my best friend. I'm confused and heartbroken and worried about what his life will be like.

Sometimes I peep on their account from my other Instagram where I'm not blocked. I see her keeping up appearances and to be quite honest, she's building an empire as a wedding content creator. Oh my gosh. To her credit, she works her butt off, but I know that every beautiful highlight reel posted to Instagram has its own dark story underneath.

That's it. Imagine you and this girl have partnered up. She's been on the podcast. Oh my. Oh my gosh, that is so sad. That's really sad, and that's the thing with social media too, is like, you never know what's actually going on behind the scenes when people are Posting all this aesthetic. I mean, you hear about influencers, like renting out jets.

So it looks like they have a private jet just to 

Ivette: sit I've heard that too. Or like people being accused for that 

Christa Innis: is a better 

Ivette: way to put it. 

Christa Innis: Cause we don't really know. I guess I don't really know. Right. that's just the whole appearances thing. Cause I mean, it's just like, I guess if that's your brand.

Ivette: Yeah. I think in a day where like you can filter everything, you can Be like in your basement and make it look like you're at some expensive resort somewhere right like people really crave authenticity and like realness and, talking about like harder stuff and it's like, that's why I don't even post anymore.

Like, it used to be so fun to post on social media, but it's like. I think I've told you this, I've struggled because it's like, why am I posting this highlight of my life when it's not all, rainbows and sunshine, you most of my days are like crappy kind of, or like I'm busy or I'm tired and yeah, so.

Yeah, 

Christa Innis: I know, I totally relate to that because like I, obviously I post on social. But I don't post a lot of personal stuff because I feel like and we talked about this too, it's like if I'm looking for that craving of someone to like applaud my life or to applaud something personally, then I'm lacking somewhere else or I feel like I need something or sometime with myself or I don't know, it's just like, I'm the same because I used to like, Facebook days, I used to post all the time in college.

Like, you'd go out for a night and you'd post all 25 pictures. And then it just got to a point where it's like, who am I posting that for? like, I love to entertain with content now, but it's like, if I'm just, at home, Or I'm out. I'm not. I just don't post about that stuff.

I think some people get caught up in this where they like start seeing people engage and they're like, I have to keep it up. But like, that's stressful. It's also stressful to keep up appearances like that. 

Ivette: I was just gonna say she spent triple the budget. And now like There's an expectation of like, oh, this is the kind of like space that you are in.

These are the kind of things that you purchase. So like every picture has to either be like that or up it or it's not entertaining. You know what I mean? But when you're posting like about your work, your work is like the center of attention. That's different, right? And so. 

Christa Innis: Yeah, I feel like some of my favorite people to follow, like you were saying, they're so authentic.

Elise Meyers is one that I follow who's so authentic in her story and how she talks and shares, she'll just be like in her room and just talk about her workday. Jen, who's a labor nurse. I cannot think of her last name.

It's gonna kill me. But, yes, I sent her stuff. Um, she'll be like hair up in a bun. And she's like, This is my life right now. I'm like with my chickens and it's just very like Normal stuff and not like I have chickens, but you know I mean like she doesn't try to put on this facade of like my glamorous life everyone's life has aspects that are glamorous or nicer but yeah, I think so easy to get caught up in that and just I don't know I feel really bad for this girl because it sounds like I can't speak for everyone, but I'm sure we all can think of someone that's been in a relationship like that where you're like, he or she is like lost because they're so enamored in what's going on with their partner and they've turned away from their family.  

Ivette: And I'm thinking to like imagine hard it is like when you're in a relationship with someone and you're like, oh, I want to leave or but then it's like, oh, what is this person going to think? What is this person going to think? But now it's like, it's not just your friends and family. It's like all of your followers.

All of your business, not to say that that's where they're at, because we hope that that's not the case. Right. But, if everything is based off of appearances, it's to be that much harder to change, walk away, be true to yourself, you know, so 

Christa Innis: yeah, that was a rough one. That was really, thanks for this girl for sharing it.

I feel like it was probably therapeutic for her to type it all out. I hear that a lot from people. They're like, I've held all this in and so me being able to type it helped me feel better. So I can't imagine though, like just having your brother just not speak to you or your family because of their partner.

So. 

Ivette: even hearing the though, I feel like. She did things the right way, she was very, like, composed, very mature, and I love the way she spoke about her sister. It was so beautiful. You know what I mean? I feel like her heart is at the 

Christa Innis: right place. A hundred percent. Yeah, she did a great job, setting the boundary, not letting this girl walk all over them.

Right. and it also goes to show, too, there's no pleasing people like this, because I think a lot of times people think, like, especially as people pleasers, we think, like, Oh, if I just do this for them, then they'll understand If I say, okay, then they'll be fine. And it's like, no, once you let them tread over you, they'll keep going.

Yeah. Yeah. So it's like her with even her boundaries, it was not okay. Cause probably she's never been told no before. Right. Yeah. Good for her. Yeah. Props to her. well, that was a long story, but thanks Frank. we need to do this more often because it's kind of fun just to like. Hang out and like have a glass of wine because we never get to do this.

I loved it. Thanks for having me. Thanks for doing this with me. Yeah. so before you go, is there any last parting advice or anything you're working on that you're excited about?

Ivette: I'm almost done with grad school. I have like eight weeks left and I'm so excited because it's meaning that we can actually hang out. my schedule is not going to be booked and maybe the next time if we do this, it'll be in person. 

Christa Innis: Yes. That was our goal for everyone like listening. That was our goal to do in person and I feel like our schedules are not like It was just hard.

And also we were like, wait, three more weeks have passed. We got to figure this out. And I recorded my closet as of now. And I'm like, how would we do in person? I guess we can go in the living room. We got to find a space. And then I was just naked in that closet. 

Ivette: We could just 

Christa Innis: squeeze in here. We probably could.

We've sat in weirder places together. Yes. It would 

Ivette: be fine. Normal. Yes. All right. Awesome. Well, thanks for having me. Thank you.