Beyond the Box
Beyond the Box with Monica Kelsey is a powerful podcast dedicated to raising awareness, educating the public, and advocating for change in the fight against infant abandonment. Hosted by Monica Kelsey, Founder and CEO of Safe Haven Baby Boxes, this podcast dives deep into real stories, expert insights, and the life-saving impact of Safe Haven laws and baby box programs across the country.
Each episode features compelling conversations with firefighters, legal experts, healthcare professionals, policymakers, adoptive families, and even mothers who have used Safe Haven Baby Boxes. Together, they shed light on the challenges, victories, and ongoing efforts to provide safe, legal, and anonymous surrender options for parents in crisis.
From heartwarming rescue stories to policy discussions shaping the future, Beyond the Box is a must-listen for anyone passionate about saving lives and supporting vulnerable infants.
Beyond the Box
#13 My Husband and I Built a Life-Saving Organization While Our Family Was Falling Apart
Behind every life-saving organization is a deeply human story of vision, sacrifice, and perseverance. In this revealing conversation, Monica Kelsey turns the microphone toward her husband Joe, unveiling the remarkable journey they've traveled as co-founders of Safe Haven Baby Boxes.
What started as a sketch on a napkin following Monica's trip to South Africa has blossomed into a nationwide movement with 365 baby boxes across 24 states. Joe shares how they navigated the early challenges—from building the first prototype with a local firefighter for $700 to the meticulous process of changing safe haven laws and gaining public trust. As Woodburn's mayor and a National Guard member, Joe brings a unique perspective to his role as Senior Project Coordinator, handling the critical behind-the-scenes operations that keep the organization functioning.
The conversation takes a powerful turn as the couple opens up about their darkest period—when their son's involvement in a fatal drunk driving accident nearly derailed their mission. For almost two years, they put the organization on hold, visiting their son in prison every weekend while their marriage weathered tremendous strain. "Our family was devastated," Monica reveals, while Joe affirms that divorce "never crossed our minds." The turning point came when they received news of their first surrendered baby in November 2017, just months before their son's release—a moment Monica describes as divine intervention saying, "It was almost like Christ was saying it's time to get up."
Despite facing critics who oppose anonymous surrenders or adoption itself, the Kelseys remain steadfast in their commitment to saving lives first. Their unwavering stance on anonymity—even declining partnerships with locations unwilling to guarantee no surveillance cameras—demonstrates their pledge to mothers in crisis: "We're not going to sacrifice integrity for growth."
The most heartwarming revelation? How surrendered babies often form lasting relationships with the firefighters who receive them, creating extended "families" through this life-saving program. Their story is a powerful testament to how personal dedication and unwavering partnership can transform tragedy into purpose and a simple idea into a movement that protects our most vulnerable citizens.
Support the mission that started from scratch in 2015 by visiting shbb.org today.
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This is Monica Kelsey from Beyond the Box, and today I am interviewing my husband. This ought to be very interesting, so you guys might want to stick around. Welcome to Beyond the Box.
Speaker 2:Thank you, Monica.
Speaker 1:This is kind of weird isn't it?
Speaker 2:It is weird, yeah.
Speaker 1:This is kind of weird, and I even have Harper on my lap, because we're all a family.
Speaker 2:Yes, we are Harper how appropriate, how appropriate?
Speaker 1:So, for those who don't know who you are besides my husband, obviously but tell our, our viewers and our listeners, what you do.
Speaker 2:Well, I have three jobs actually.
Speaker 1:I uh you have four cause you're the landlord of my mom's house.
Speaker 2:Well, let's go back. Um, let's go back a few years. You and I met working for the same company, remember?
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:For the same company and we got married and we both left. I think we both had a drive for public service.
Speaker 1:We did.
Speaker 2:You actually had a drive for helping people. You know you became a firefighter and a medic and and I had a lot of interest in in politics. You know public, public awareness, things like that.
Speaker 1:And so in 2015, what did I come to you and say Well, you came to me and said that you wanted to run for mayor of our city.
Speaker 2:And what did you say?
Speaker 1:I thought you were having a midlife crisis.
Speaker 2:No, I was very interested in it because, uh, you know, there were things that were were not happening in the city and it was our community and I wanted to be a part of the uh person. That's that uh is the solution. I wanted to be a part of the solution to the problem, you know, and, uh, I ran for mayor and uh one fairly easily, um, which is a good thing and at the same time, we were starting a thing called Safe Haven Baby Boxes.
Speaker 1:We were. We were kind of launching two things at the same time, you know, with the running for mayor, and then Safe Haven Baby Boxes, and, yeah, so you are the mayor of the city of Woodburn, you also work for Safe Haven Baby Boxes and you're also in the Army National Guard.
Speaker 2:The Army National Guard. I was actually in the Army National Guard long before we decided to go off on our public service pathways. I joined at the ripe age of 37 in 2007 and been in for 18 years. Looking at retirement pretty soon. Love every minute of it. It takes me out of the every time I go. You know I do the weekend warrior thing, which is you know how they say Weekend warrior, my ass, yeah, there ain't.
Speaker 1:no, it's not just weekends, it's weeks and months, and then deployments and but anyway.
Speaker 2:I love it. You sign up and you think it's two days a month, but it ends up being three days a month and then two weeks in the summer and all these other schools but sometimes deployments you know, like I say, it's a.
Speaker 2:It's a chance to get away and be a part of something even bigger, more important defending the country and you get to learn so many skills. Plus, I get to hang out with a bunch of guys that I have grown to. You know, I've grown to become brothers to them and they're brothers to me in the military.
Speaker 1:So every woman in America that their husband is in the guard right now is wondering do you want to go to the guard on the weekends to get away from your wife?
Speaker 2:No, not at all.
Speaker 1:Liar. All right, so we know that you've got three jobs. Actually, you got four jobs because you're the landlord. You own a property that my mother lives in now, and so you are her landlord and she calls you every week telling you that there's something wrong with her house.
Speaker 2:Deep breath, deep breath.
Speaker 1:Yes, okay, so let's get back to Safe Haven Baby Boxes. So the whole reason that we're here is to kind of talk about your role with the company and you are one of three of the original members, and I've already interviewed Pam Stenzel, who is a good friend of ours. That was one of the original founding members. I mean, actually there was two of us founding members because there was two of us at Cape town, south Africa. But uh, when I quickly, when I got off that plane, I quickly came to you and said, hey, I got this idea and we kind of went, we kind of rolled with it. But so you've been there since the beginning of the flight back from Cape Town, south Africa, when I got off the plane and seen this company grow into what it is today. I don't think either one of us thought that it would get to where it is.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:But what was your thoughts and we talk about this a lot the original moments of me kind of bringing this to you and you wrapping your head around the fact that I was asking you to partner with me and women putting babies in boxes at fire stations, and and so what was your thoughts when I first came back and handed you this napkin? That was the drawing of the original Safe Haven baby box.
Speaker 2:Well, I'll go back to when you were still in South Africa. You called me one time. I don't know if it was at an airport or it was before you left.
Speaker 1:I called you probably a lot of times from South Africa. Yeah, you did you did.
Speaker 2:But the one time you told me you had this idea and you and you sort of described it to me about, um, this church that had had the box, and um, it uh, is a place where mothers can surrender their baby, and and uh, I, I, I want to, uh, bring this idea back to the back to the country and let's talk about it. I want to do this. I can't remember your exact words, but I remember getting off the phone, hanging up with you and thinking I have no idea what she's talking about. She's my wife and I'm going to support her. But when you got home, you described it to me and we, through another friend, we discovered Casey Cox, who was our state rep. Then we realized that we had to change the law, the safe haven law. We started learning about the safe haven law and how it works and the different nuances of why babies are abandoned and things like that.
Speaker 2:Then you went to a builder. You found a builder and without me knowing and I think you discovered him because you're a firefighter and he's a firefighter and that's how, by word of mouth, you got to know him and you called him and told him what you wanted to do. And, as you say you, you wrote a check from. You wrote it, wrote him a check to pay the $600 from my bank account and uh, and walked out there like a boss. And then you told me later but I knew, I know you and I know when you have a dream or a vision, there's no stopping you, and I knew this was something that we were going to do and it was going to be, it was going to be a legacy at the time.
Speaker 1:Did you ever think that it would get, that it would get to this point, that it would get this big?
Speaker 2:I never thought of it in those terms. I just one day at a time. You know we had the struggles of starting it in Indiana, you know.
Speaker 1:We had a lot of struggles we did.
Speaker 2:We took that prototype and it's funny creating the prototype. Uh, when you create a prototype, everybody thinks that that's the final product.
Speaker 1:That's the beginning.
Speaker 2:You're going to put this in a, in a. No, this is a prototype, this is just the idea and, uh, we were describing to people how it's going to have sensors and alarms and things like that and I think finally people got it and fortunately, casey Cox, he got it right away and he supported us in it. But, yeah, we went through how many prototypes I think the design we're at about the 20th design or something like that I don't even I've lost track of where we're at but we've changed a lot of things over the years based on the, you know, advancements of technology.
Speaker 1:You know the boxes are truly built by technology and what technology can do for us. You know, instead of a woman dropping her baby at the door of a fire station and hoping someone finds the child, now when a woman drops her child off at the door of a fire station in a baby box, we're going to know it. You know, we're going to know it pretty quickly, and so we have done a lot of prototypes over the years. But you know to to go from one box at our firehouse in Woodburn, indiana, to now 365 boxes in 24 States. It's just incredible when you really think about it. You know, and we have had a lot of struggles because when, when we go back to 2016,.
Speaker 1:You know, um, and most of our viewers know about our son and he was on, I think, episode four or five. You know where our son was. You know, in a rollover accident. He was at a high school graduation party where the homeowner bought booze in our community. You know, and you as the mayor, um and uh, our son decided to get behind the wheel of a vehicle he didn't own and do donuts in a 19 acre field and his best friend got killed and our son went to prison and uh, uh a lot of our followers know that because they've they listened to his podcast, a few podcasts back, and heard from JJ, you know, and, and now he goes into schools. But that was a part of our life. That was, I don't want to say, shaped us, but it shaped us because it changed us. You know, we and we had a lot of struggles during that time, you and I and our marriage took a hit.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I think for any married couple they're going to take a hit, because our family was devastated. Our family was and we were still trying to build this company called Safe Haven Baby Boxes. You know, we had two boxes in the wall and then we decided to kind of put it on hold and focus on our family. And so, you know, for a year and a half you and I every weekend went to see JJ.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, and we learned later that you know people talk about when they go through a tragedy like that. When families go through a tragedy, a lot of times it ends up in divorce. They do, you know that thought never crossed our minds. You know, I don't think it did anyway.
Speaker 1:Maybe yours no it never crossed. There was a lot of trying times, so a lot of anger, a lot of bitterness that I don't even know where it came from. You know we were just. We were very bitter for a little while, especially when JJ went to prison. You know it was fighting for him, and so Safe Haven Baby Boxes did take a little bit of a backseat, and I think any reasonable family would have done the same thing. I don't. I don't think that we did anything that was out of the norm.
Speaker 1:I think we were just fighting for our family and fighting for our son and making sure that he was okay, because, you know, um, waking up every day knowing that you caused the death of your best friend has got to be, um, something that is not pushed under the rug. And so we did focus on JJ a lot and we focused on his healing. And I look back now and I think, wow, we really were the family that he needed, because we rallied around him and tried to protect him mentally. You know that almost shattered our family silly. You know, uh, that almost shattered our family. Um, but you know the November. You know he was getting ready to get out in January, uh, out of prison in January. And and then in November, november 7th, we had two boxes in the wall. He was still in prison, we were still going every weekend and and we got the call from Cole Springs fire department that they got a baby in their box.
Speaker 1:It was like two, two months before JJ was to get out of prison. And I look back at that time now and I think how it was, almost like Christ was saying it's time to get up. You've sat down long enough. I know you've been focused on your son, but now it is time where you step up to the plate because we need you now, and um and then we got our first baby and I think for you and I, that was the the part that we needed to continue to keep moving. Yeah, that that it just kind of solidified it for us that this is real, this is needed and we're a part of it and we're changing the way women throw away their babies. We're getting them to not throw them away anymore. And so then we launched the third baby box in America.
Speaker 2:Well, that was really where it took off, because we were putting everything on the line. We had no idea, we didn't even know if anybody was going to actually use it.
Speaker 1:Remember.
Speaker 2:And we had. The chiefs of the two stations had trust in us.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And this is one of these times where, when that first baby was surrendered and it's not looking at necessarily our success, it's looking at wow, we're actually a part a part of giving mothers another option.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, it's not our success at all. It's. It's basically looking at these moms and giving them, giving them the protection that they needed. You know, this is so much bigger than us.
Speaker 2:It's it's, it's our success in the thought that, hey, we're a part of making change in the country, you know, but uh, it's really about the mothers, you know, giving them another option and uh, giving them a safe option.
Speaker 1:And who?
Speaker 2:so we had, uh, uh, the first two boxes and then, um, uh, number three. I can't remember where that, where was that one? At Decatur Township? Decatur Township and I think Chesterton was about number five, weren't they Hicksville.
Speaker 1:Ohio was number four. Hicksville was number four.
Speaker 2:Okay, so then we were in Indiana and Ohio, and we were in Indiana and Ohio quite a while and we thought I remember thinking that Ohio would eventually catch on and there would be other locations in Ohio, but there wasn't too many there.
Speaker 1:No. Defiance Ohio was one of the first ones in Ohio. Defiance Van Wert Hospital, yep.
Speaker 2:So we thought well, the next state that's going to happen is probably going to be Kentucky. And who was the next state that called?
Speaker 1:Arkansas, Arkansas yeah.
Speaker 2:I think the chief read about the story in one of the firefighter magazines or something.
Speaker 1:Well, I think it was about the baby that was surrendered in Cold Springs Fire Department that he had seen which was in November of 2017. That's right, yeah, and then we started working on the law in 2018. And then we launched the box in 2018. And then they got their first baby in 2019, which was baby Ollie.
Speaker 2:Chief Ford, yeah, chief.
Speaker 1:Ford. And you know, it's interesting too, because baby Ollie and Chief Ford still have a connection, they still have a relationship, which I just love that. You know, when these babies come through the baby boxes and they come through the fire stations, the fire department, it becomes their baby, you know. And for Chief Ford and Ollie to still have a relationship, I just love that. Well, you look at Carmel Fire Department Chief Moriarty still has a relationship with these kids too, and so these kids come back with their adoptive families and they become a family, which I just love that. I absolutely love that. But yeah, so the third state in America was Arkansas.
Speaker 1:It was Arkansas, yeah, and then the fourth state in America was Kentucky. It was Arkansas, yeah. And then the fourth state in America was Kentucky.
Speaker 2:Was Kentucky, yeah, was Kentucky.
Speaker 1:And then it just kind of took off from there. I think Nancy Tate, representative, nancy Tate, in the state of Kentucky, when she took it in front of the legislator, it was during COVID and we actually put that state on hold and waited for the following year because COVID pushed everything back. Um, and then, you know, we launched uh, and so it's been an incredible ride, uh, to launch in all of these States and see the success of the, the baby box foundation and all of our team just stepping up to the plate and and putting moms and babies first, and and it all started because of three people right.
Speaker 1:The, the founding members who were the first three board members, because, remember, we had a board meeting. The very first board meeting was me, you and Pam. Me, you and Pam.
Speaker 2:But that's the most appropriate, because the minute you and Pam started speaking together, you guys hit it off right away. You guys have been great friends and I consider Pam a great friend too, yes. So the three of us, we have a real tight bond and I appreciate that and we're the three founders of the company. And it wasn't shortly after Arkansas, remember I don't remember what, the, what state was next, but it was pretty soon after that when the mayor of Ocala, florida called, contacted us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Well, I think Ocala was, or I think Florida was, the seventh state seven, I don't know why, but that seems like, for some reason, I think they were the seventh state, um, but you know, tennessee was one of those states that that picked it up. You know, um, wow, I don't know, I don't know what the well you know. And then New Mexico came up you know, with Espanola, you know, choosing to do it without the state statute being on their side.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and their chief is a warrior.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, it's assistant chief assistant chief Wickersham man, he's, he's on fire, he, you know, and he's just a great advocate.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know he's kind of like chief Moriarty. He's just one of those advocates that just continues to just fight for these moms and these babies in their communities and literally across the state. You know, chief Moriarty has probably talked to hundreds of fire stations about the Baby Box program because he's so vested, he's seen it work. He, you know he tests it every week.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:He trains his people and he responds to the Baby Box alarms and he's just such a huge advocate for Safe Haven Baby Boxes and for these moms and these babies across this country. It's just amazing to see. So we're in 24 states now. We've got 365 boxes. What do you do for Safe Haven Baby Boxes? I mean, I know you're a part-time mayor, You're part-time in the National Guard and you're full-time with Safe Haven Baby Boxes and what do you do for the company now? Well, we started off Whatever my wife tells me to.
Speaker 2:Well, that's always. But Well, remember, when we started off, we really didn't know how to form a company.
Speaker 1:We didn't we don't have a business degree, you're technically the founder.
Speaker 2:It's your idea and you carry the passion for everybody here, for the company and everything. So it was appropriate to call you the CEO and you are the CEO still. And I said, well, I'm chief operations officer, you know, not really realizing what what that meant.
Speaker 1:Let's just give ourself a title. Yeah.
Speaker 2:But after we, after we, you know, we grew a little bit and we started to. We had a growing board presence and we started to learn more, with me dealing with the locations and I don't want to say dealing with the locations with me communicating with the locations and getting the contract out.
Speaker 1:And plus, being behind setting up our CRM and refining the provider guides and implementing that and showing people what the refinements are and what we need to implement. So you like to be behind the scenes, doing the little things that people might think is very small but ends up being a very big part of our company.
Speaker 2:Making sure the signs on the boxes are just right. Making sure you know the programs, like right now are rolling out the online courses. Making sure that program is just right. Figure. A more appropriate name for more appropriate title for me was Senior Project Coordinator. So that's what I am Co-founder, senior Project Coordinator and board member. Just add that to your list of jobs, and mayor and National Guard member. Just add that to your list of jobs.
Speaker 1:So you deal with every location. I don't want to say deal, but you handle every location that has a contract, because we have each location sign a contract letting them know hey, you're going to test it, you know, once a week. You're going to do two visual checks a day. You're not going to put any security cameras on the box itself. Those kinds of things are in that contract and you are the one that is, I could probably say, negotiating because we do. We do it just our contract.
Speaker 1:You know, it's not about the contract. It's about saving the life of a child. And if we have to to bend a little bit, we will. But there is one thing we will never bend on and that is the security cameras on the boxes, which we've actually had a location that refused to take that out.
Speaker 1:They said they could not guarantee that and we said well, we're not going to sacrifice integrity for growth, and so we're not going to, you know, we're just not going to do the baby box program with you. You're going to have to find another company, find another company.
Speaker 2:And so we have been very successful in um making sure that we don't, you know, sacrifice our integrity, uh, for the growth of of this company, especially when anonymity is so important to these moms, Yep, and that that is the integrity part, right Cause we we have a um, a promise to these mothers that they will be anonymous, you know, when they surrender the babies, and I think that's more of the communication piece with the location. As to the, the importance of the baby box program as opposed to the safe Haven law, it's kind of an education.
Speaker 1:They just need to be educated on it.
Speaker 2:Yep, and I think when, when locations, attorneys or or law enforcement get involved and rightfully so they want to make sure that no nefarious activity happens with a baby box going in the wall and there's an open door and everything else. But I think people respect it enough that we haven't had anything like that happen, except for babies being surrendered in boxes.
Speaker 1:Well, we did have a set of kittens.
Speaker 2:We did. We did have a set of kittens. That was an interesting story. Yeah, Our mole-fired apartment.
Speaker 1:Right, so okay. So let's switch gears for just a second. Let's talk about the haters of safe haven baby boxes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we love our haters your wife's life has been threatened.
Speaker 1:Does that just piss you off? Your wife's life has been threatened. Does that just piss you off? Yeah, it does. It really does. Does it just want to make?
Speaker 2:you like and there's really nothing I can do. You know I can't. You know, get a hold of my army buddies and say let's go on a trip. As much as I would like for you to. But yeah, that is, that is frustrating, and but when you really start to look, at our haters. You realize how insignificant they are and how much they just spout off on random things. Um, when you're doing something good that we're doing, um, it, it, it really doesn't matter.
Speaker 1:Well, and I think the larger we get, the more haters we're going to have the trolls out there.
Speaker 1:But a lot of our haters hate adoption.
Speaker 1:That's where a lot of this comes from.
Speaker 1:There are adoption haters that that think that every child should be raised by their biological parents which I am at vehemently against, because there are crappy parents in this country that should never be raising any child and, um, or they think that every child deserves to know their heritage or their medical information, and I believe I think you do too that we have to save the life of the child first, and if they get their medical information or they get their ethnicity information second, that's great. But first we have to save the life of a child, and so, um, as an adoptee, I would rather have my life than know who my parents are, my biological parents are, and I think we as a company understand that. But there are people out there that don't agree with it, and that's okay. We can agree to disagree. Advocating against a program that is out there saving the lives of kids simply because you think they should have their medical information and their ethnicity information and you know, know who their parents are, is is just crazy. It's just absolutely crazy.
Speaker 2:So we were at a conference, uh not too long ago, and uh I was speaking to somebody and and they said, uh, there are. There are just as many parents out there that want to adopt that are having difficulty as there are children that need families in this country. And it's amazing how sometimes adoption is so difficult and there's children out there that don't have families. They're in the foster care system and they want a loving family and they can't. So that's a bigger problem that we have to deal with as a country. But hopefully we can, and with our program, if there's a surrender in the box, the adoption process is easier, I think.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is in most states. As long as the legislation allows it to be easier, yeah it is in most states. Yeah, as long as the legislation allows it to be easier.
Speaker 2:Right, and I'm not trying to encourage somebody to surrender in the box as opposed to hand off. You know we always want a mother to walk in and hand her baby over.
Speaker 1:But if she can't do that, then they use the box.
Speaker 2:Then we want her to use the box if she can't hand the child to a person so well.
Speaker 1:thank you for coming on beyond the box with Monica Kelsey and uh really, really it was.
Speaker 2:Uh, it was probably hard for you to get ahold of me. You know I'm so busy.
Speaker 1:I mean, I've left numerous messages for you and you've not called me back. Yeah, so I just rolled over and smacked you this morning and said we're doing a podcast this afternoon.
Speaker 2:Literally, literally. I found out this morning that we were doing a podcast today. That's how we roll.
Speaker 1:That's how we roll. Well, thank you for coming on Beyond the Box.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:This is Monica Kelsey from Beyond the Box, with my husband dropping the tea of how this company was started, and if you would like to support Safe Haven Baby Boxes and the ministry that we have started from scratch back in 2015, you can do that today at shbborg.