Beyond the Box
Beyond the Box with Monica Kelsey is a powerful podcast dedicated to raising awareness, educating the public, and advocating for change in the fight against infant abandonment. Hosted by Monica Kelsey, Founder and CEO of Safe Haven Baby Boxes, this podcast dives deep into real stories, expert insights, and the life-saving impact of Safe Haven laws and baby box programs across the country.
Each episode features compelling conversations with firefighters, legal experts, healthcare professionals, policymakers, adoptive families, and even mothers who have used Safe Haven Baby Boxes. Together, they shed light on the challenges, victories, and ongoing efforts to provide safe, legal, and anonymous surrender options for parents in crisis.
From heartwarming rescue stories to policy discussions shaping the future, Beyond the Box is a must-listen for anyone passionate about saving lives and supporting vulnerable infants.
Beyond the Box
When Love Finds Its Way Through a Baby Box
The Barkmans never expected a phone call on the way to a funeral would change their lives forever. When they answered, they learned about a baby boy surrendered in a Safe Haven Baby Box who needed a home. That baby became Samuel, their beloved son who's now a rambunctious four-year-old with a love for tools, adventures, and showing affection to everyone around him.
In this deeply moving conversation, Samuel's parents share their remarkable adoption journey from becoming licensed foster parents to the emotional moment they brought home their two-week-old son. But their story also reveals the challenging reality behind the adoption process - the 16-month wait before Samuel was legally theirs, during which he was officially known only as "Baby Boy Doe" in all documentation.
The Barkmans offer a window into how they navigate the complexities of open adoption conversations with a young child. With remarkable honesty, they describe how they answer Samuel's toughest questions: "Why don't I look like you?" and "Where's my second mom?" They've preserved the letter Samuel's birth mother left with him in the baby box, along with his original blanket, treasures they'll share with him when he's old enough.
Their experience helped inspire legislative changes to improve the adoption process for Safe Haven babies in Indiana. The conversation explores the delicate balance between adoption agencies and the foster care system, with the Barkmans advocating for maintaining pathways for loving foster parents to adopt children in need.
What shines through most clearly is the Barkmans' gratitude toward Samuel's birth mother and their openness to connection should she ever reach out. "We pray for her every night," they share. "Samuel knows his story and will always know how thankful and grateful we are to be part of it."
Ready to support more families like the Barkmans? Visit our website to learn how you can help connect surrendered babies with their forever families.
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This is Monica Kelsey from Beyond the Box. I'm in the studio today with some of my favorite people, the Barkmans, aka Samuel's mom and dad. Welcome to Beyond the Box. Thank you for having us. Thank you Well. For those people who don't know you, we've grown to love you guys and know you guys really well. But for those who don't know you, who are you and why are you guys so special? To Monica Kelsey.
Speaker 3:So we were able to adopt one of the Safe Haven babies that were surrendered in one of the boxes back in 2020 is when he was surrendered. So we are forever connected to this organization and connected to you and your family because of that wonderful gift that we were given.
Speaker 1:Well, and it kind of is a family, if you really know it it's. You know we get together a lot, you know, every time I'm in the area, I always try to connect with the parents of some of these babies, because they're not just your babies, there are babies too, you know, and so, and Samuel has been one of those kids that we followed through the years and he's just, he's incredible, you know, and and he was he was surrendered in one of our boxes, and the story behind his adoption, though, kind of led you and I on a path really to change the way the adoption works for some of these babies, and so we'll talk about that in a few minutes. But so tell me about Samuel. I want to know about, you know, the things that just brighten his day, which I'm sure probably is him for you guys. But what is important to Samuel? What does he like to do? What's his age? What's important to Samuel?
Speaker 3:So Samuel is four now he's approaching five and he loves family, right Like he loves being with us. He loves being with his brother that he also has through our family. He loves being with his grandparents and taking adventures with them. Anything that he can do working with his hands. You'll always find him trying to help use tools to fix anything that maybe my dad's helping me fix. He's right there in the mix. He just really is a happy child, like. He's just I mean, he's just the best right.
Speaker 1:So he's always happy, he's just the happiest.
Speaker 3:He's so smart, so loving, so kind, and he will show that love to anyone who's around.
Speaker 1:So he has a brother. So it's just two boys, right. Two boys. Do they ever fight Always?
Speaker 2:There's more love than fighting, though, so thankfully it's worth it.
Speaker 1:I mean, they are true siblings right, they're close in age too, just nine months apart. Does anybody ever wonder if they're like twins? Yes, do they?
Speaker 3:We always get the looks like well, I'm like adopted, it's okay so why did you guys choose?
Speaker 3:adoption, uh. So we struggled with infertility, um, and so that was one path that we knew we were going to take, um. But also even when we first started dating, before we even got married like adoption and foster were just part of our vocabulary, like we always knew that we wanted to take that journey. We didn't know if it was going to be at the beginning of our starting our family process, but we knew that it was going to be in there at one point, so ended up being at the beginning of our journey just because of our fertility issues that we had. So we started that process in 2019.
Speaker 3:So just a year before Samuel was placed with us, we started getting our foster license and actually we were looking into adoption agencies at the time, just shortly before we got the call for Samuel. We were like ready to commit to an adoption agency before, right before we got the call for Samuel. We were like ready to commit to an adoption agency before, right before we got the call for Samuel. So it has just been something that we've always wanted to do. It's just been something that's been placed on our hearts, in our, you know, in our faith that we have, and it has just been a blessing. I wouldn't have been able to put our family together without fostering and adoption, because the boys that were placed with us, these were the children that I had prayed for, just like the Bible verse that you have out there in 1 Samuel. You know, for this child I've prayed for.
Speaker 1:So and so you. You guys were foster parents first. So did you guys ever get any um? Did you guys foster before you got Samuel?
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:So how many kids did you guys cause? This has been a big journey for you guys, right. How many kids did you foster before you got Samuel?
Speaker 2:Before Samuel it was four other kids and we've had one or two placements since.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so then you, you get the call for Samuel. So what did they tell you when they call? Cause? You know, this is the number one question we get asked on our pod or on our Facebook page, on our Tik TOK channel is how do I adopt one of your babies? And we keep telling them we don't do this, this isn't us. But so how did they call you? What did they say when they called you guys about Samuel?
Speaker 3:So that was a very emotional day. When I got the call, I was actually on the way to the funeral home for my grandmother. Oh. So I was just like yes, we're interested, interested, you need to call my husband because I can't, you know, process this. I can't talk um about this because I was um on the way to the funeral home. So I'll let you uh fill in like what that call was like from uh dcs trying to recall everything now.
Speaker 2:Uh, just called back and they said this situation that there was a possible safe haven baby to be adopted and we were already licensed foster parents. That's who they were looking for as far as the pool of applicants and to set up an interview. It was a Friday that we got the call from them and then, I think, we set up the interview the following Monday over the weekend, following Monday over the weekend, and then there was a second interview Wednesday, which was kind of a fake-out interview, where they told us the results that they had decided on us among the several other families that they had interviewed. And then we got him that afternoon, I believe.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so did you guys know what Safe Haven Baby Boxes was before you got?
Speaker 2:the call In the springtime, I think right after the pandemic had started. I remember working in the kitchen because we were all working from home at that time. I don't know what sent me down that road, but I had found you guys found an article, read it and was aware of it. But I'm like that's like one of a million chances. I probably have a better chance winning the lottery than getting a baby place like this. But yeah, so I was. I was kind of aware of it but didn't think that was a possibility.
Speaker 1:Okay, so they, they choose you, and then they do. You guys have to pick him up or do you go, do they bring him to you or how does that work?
Speaker 3:So we were able to go pick him up from his temporary foster placement. So he we got him when he was two weeks old.
Speaker 1:So 14 days old. 14 days old.
Speaker 3:So that was a very quick turnaround to where we were able to bring him home. So, yeah, they gave us the address and said, hey, meet us here. So we got to meet the lady who was caring you know, the family that was caring for him before we could get there, and got to know a little bit about him and how much time that she had spent with him and like what soothed him and you know cause she had been at the hospital with him before he was discharged, like you know, making sure that he had that connection and things like that.
Speaker 3:So that's, that was really neat that we were able to meet her, as well as all the rest of the DCS team that was part of Samuel's team that we would be working with until the adoption was finalized.
Speaker 1:So do you stay in contact with the original foster mom?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so we'll send messages to her and then always Christmas cards, and then she, her family, will send us Christmas cards to keep us up to date on her family and her life. I love that.
Speaker 1:I love that. Okay, so you get Samuel. He's placed with you guys, and then the paperwork for the cause. You know that he's going to become part of your family at that point. How long did it take for you to actually get the paper in your hand that said he is yours and he is a you know?
Speaker 3:he's your son. Yeah, that was 15 to 16 months after he was placed with us.
Speaker 1:Which is an extremely long time An extremely long time.
Speaker 3:I'm sure there was lots of factors that played into it, because it was during the pandemic Right, the Marion County courthouse and stuff was going through major changes and things like that courthouse and stuff was going through major changes and things like that but it was still a very long time that he was known as baby boy doe 22 24 23, 23. No, it wasn't, it was something yeah it was, but yeah, so we had a. You know it was a number right, so, like all of his paperwork, he was a number.
Speaker 3:He was a number right baby boy, so that was. That was you know.
Speaker 1:Like we were able to call him Samuel, but he wasn't officially Samuel well, I mean, when you go to a doctor's office, they're not calling Samuel, are they?
Speaker 2:well, we had them put that down as the alias, right? Okay, so they allowed us to have an alias.
Speaker 3:But yeah, all of the doctor's paperwork and stuff. You know had that, you know his um, all of the information that we had, you know the placement letter and everything had baby boy doe but see, that would just that would bother me.
Speaker 1:I don't know why, but you know it's like they, they need a name and 16 months is an extremely long time. You know I've always said six months max. You know I mean we need to give mom at least 30 days to come back. But when she doesn't come back after 30 days, we can't. We can't put this little guy's life on hold. You know his life has to go on, and so six months, that paperwork should be signed.
Speaker 3:Yeah, 16 months is way too long, yeah, and that's what we were thinking. We're like, oh yeah, this should be, you know, done by you know, by the spring.
Speaker 1:Right and it wasn't Okay. So adoption goes through, and then me and Chief Moriarty, you know, once I heard your story of how long it took for you to get Samuel, I was like we've got to change this, we've got to make it easier for these babies to be with their forever families quicker. Little did I know through this whole process, I would learn so much about the adoption industry, which there's a lot of good, there's a lot of bad, and it's frustrating for me because it's like you know, we passed Senate Bill 345. You came in and you testified and I was so naive at that part and I don't know, maybe you don't see it like I do, but changing it to the adoption agencies kind of kicked out the foster parents. Changing it to the adoption agencies kind of kicked out the foster parents and there's some great foster parents that deserve to be parents to our kids. And so this past year, after we passed Senate Bill 345, they can still go to DCS and they can go to an adoption agency. It's totally up to the location that gets the infant. But this past year they tried to pass a law saying every safe haven baby in the state of Indiana goes to an adoption agency and I was.
Speaker 1:I was all over this because I was like no boss. There are some amazing foster parents that don't have $50,000 and we shouldn't be penalizing them. I mean, they're the ones that are out there fostering these kids with you. You're not getting paid enough. I can tell you right now you're not getting paid enough. I can tell you right now you're not getting paid enough.
Speaker 1:And so taking that gift away from foster parents I just felt was like a smack in the face. You know, I'm okay with adoption agencies and the foster care system. We do have to make it faster for the foster care system. We've got to clean some things up for the foster care system, but I never wanted to take it away from the foster care parents, and that is what some of the states now are doing, and it really frustrates me because we wouldn't have families like you. You know, nola's family, lynn's family, I mean all of these families that have been able to adopt through the foster care system would be kicked out. And so that's where I struggle with. That's where I struggle with. But we were very successful in getting Senate Bill 345 passed, and I think what that bill really did was open up everybody's eyes that it has to be. We have to clean this up, right, whether it be with adoption agencies or with foster families. It's got to be cleaned up because these babies deserve better, right they deserve to be.
Speaker 3:They don't need. They need to know where they're going to be forever.
Speaker 1:You know, and the good thing for you guys is you knew he wasn't going anywhere, right? You know the termination of parental rights had already happened. He was with you guys, that's. I'm sure that there was probably still a voice in the back of your head going there's still this small chance that they could just rip him out of here. Um, but you know, for for some of these families, you know, I mean, it's just, it's brutal, yeah, it's brutal.
Speaker 3:Yeah, luckily, we did um feel, like you know, secure that he was going to stay with us. Um, samuel was placed with a letter, um, from his birth mother, um, in box and we still have that today, along with the blanket that she wrapped him in. So we knew that. You know she wanted what was best for Samuel and I hope that she knows that. You know we are so thankful for what the gift that she has given us and that he is in a really good place and he's thriving and he's living, you know, hopefully, his best life, right Like I'm, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's having fun.
Speaker 1:He's having fun. So if you could say something to his mom, his birth mom right now, what would you say to her?
Speaker 4:Thank you birth mom right now. What would you say to her? Thank you, I mean it.
Speaker 4:Being able to be a mom is a gift, so, and being a dad, yeah, being parents to him has been just a very I mean, I feel like I was meant to be his mom and I'm so grateful that I get to be his mom and that we get to be his parents and share his life, because, like, not knowing if we could be parents and be able to take on that journey together was really hard. It was a lot of pain until we were able to know that we could be parents. So, um, we are forever grateful Um we pray for her every night. Um we talked to Samuel about how much of a sacrifice um that that was for her and that it was one of the biggest um showings of love that could have happened. Um, so he knows um his story and he will always know his story and how thankful and grateful we are for that story and to be a part of that story is really amazing.
Speaker 1:Would you ever be open? I mean, if she's seen this right now and she says you know what, I want to send them a message, would you be open to that? Absolutely would you?
Speaker 2:I mean we have an open relationship with our other son's family, his half siblings, his birth mom, so we are totally open to having expanded extended family.
Speaker 1:You know we've had. There's a couple of babies Indiana babies that are connected with the biological mom and they were placed in our box and I think that's the beauty of it because these moms are trusting us, they're trusting us with their story, they're trusting us with their care. You know, a lot of them are going through our counseling program and when they let us know their intentions, hey, if they ever want to meet me or if they have questions, medical questions, you know anything, you know, let them know. And we've had, we have two sets of parents in the state of Indiana that actually haven't. It's, it's almost an open adoption now, with with their biological mom. And I, I love that, you know. I love that because, you know, growing up I was adopted and I didn't know, I had no idea who my biological parents were. And I think if, if I w, I wouldn't have dreamt of the fairy tale family, because for me, that's what I thought I had growing up was a fairy tale family waiting for me, and I didn't get that, you know.
Speaker 1:I don't know if Samuel will ever get that he might when he, you know, maybe when he's old enough and he does a DNA test and he finds bio is biological parents, that's what he chooses to do. Maybe he will, but the chances are it's probably not. You know, based on statistics from you know what we pull, but, um, I think it's good for these kids to know the sacrifice of their biological mother, or what you know, for what she gave, but I don't know who she is, um, but if she ever reached, reached out to us, you know, I would, I would, I would, you would be my next text for sure, um, if that ever happened. But, um, I'm glad that that, that you're open to it, though I really am. That's, that's neat, okay. So so, uh, are we adopting anymore? I mean, are we wanting? Are we wanting anymore? I mean, are we wanting anymore? I?
Speaker 2:mean We've kind of slowed down on growing the family. We've got two five-year-olds yeah they're very, very energetic and rambunctious and just trying to get through preschool and kindergarten. Yeah, but they want siblings and they've done really well with some of the other babies that we've either babysat or fostered or given respite care to.
Speaker 1:So you guys are still active.
Speaker 3:Yes. So we still have our foster license. So we did switch to just respite recently, just because it's just as they're getting more active so it's just a little bit harder to take on a full case. So we've been doing respite and there's this one little girl we do respite for and she's like six months old now and they are the best big brothers to her. They ask about her. Like when, when's she coming back to hang out with us? You know like they're always asking about the little kids, um and babies that we've um had respite or temporary um placement for um. They're always asking. So I mean the answer um is no right. So if it's in our cards to adopt again and to take on a placement, we're there for whatever child needs us, if it's that right fit, if it's meant to be, it's. You know I'm not going to turn any of them away. If I could I would have them all, but You're going to have a bus.
Speaker 1:You're going to have to rent like a seven passenger van to go on vacation with. So so the answer is not no, so you're open to it, right? You know there's two families in Indiana that have two of our babies each. They literally have two safe Haven babies. Wow, like I'm like Holy smokes, like that's winning the lottery twice. You know, I mean you guys won it once, but it's, it's almost incredible that two families in Indiana have two of you know, it's like wow, that's just, that's incredible.
Speaker 1:But I don't know, you never know you might get the you might get the call Samuel, might have a little sister or something Um you would like a daughter.
Speaker 3:I mean, it would be nice to have another ally in the house, I mean right now, the dogs are the only allies I have.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's true, that's true. You've got a lot of men in your home right now, yeah, yeah. So it's like what do you got? Like two female dogs? Oh, I'd totally do that. I would be like, yeah, we're getting a, we're getting a female dog for sure.
Speaker 1:Like uh, you know it was funny cause, you know, growing up, my parents, you know, they were told never to have children. Uh, they had a little boy in 1970 that passed away the day after he was born, and my mom was was told never to get pregnant again because she was a type one diabetic at the time. Type one diabetics today is totally different, but back in the seventies it was, you know, you shouldn't have kids and and so they were told never to have kids. So they decided to adopt, and so they, they prayed for a son and they got the call for me. So they got a girl, and then they got another call and they got another girl.
Speaker 1:And then they got pregnant five years later and that's where my sister comes in and so literally my dad was in like three girls, a wife. So when we got the dog, his name was Scotty and we got a boy dog because it was like I got it, we. You know it's kind of like the same thing in our house when I was growing up because it's kind of neat, so, wow, so so what's next? You know?
Speaker 2:just keep living life, just keep watching them grow, grow and we got them doing soccer and baseball and they've learned how to swim in the pool and just enjoying summer and yeah soaking it all in right, not trying to take any moment for granted, um, just try to really keep ourselves grounded and just really, you know, just treasure everything that we've been given.
Speaker 1:You guys are pretty close to your parents too, aren't you? Your parents, mom and dad, grandma, grandpa.
Speaker 3:They're about a couple hours South of where we live, but we get to see them on a regular basis. They don't go too long without seeing.
Speaker 1:No, are they the only two grandkids?
Speaker 3:There is another one. My brother has a young kid.
Speaker 1:And then on your side.
Speaker 2:My mom.
Speaker 1:It's the only ones on his side.
Speaker 2:Yeah, only grandkids on my side. And then my mom moved back up here from Florida about a year ago, so she's been helping watching a couple days after school during the week.
Speaker 1:So she moved up to the Indianapolis area. Yes, from Florida to here, oh, I'm just after school during the week. So she moved up to the indianapolis area. Yes, yeah, she, from florida to here. Oh, I'm just. Yeah, yeah, come there. That's you know what, though I can see that because I became a grandma two years ago and we go on the road a lot, blessing these boxes, and if I'm gone for seven days, I'm feeling it like I want, I, I need to, I need to have some time, you know with, and you know we have all grandsons. So we have, you know, three grandsons and then a fourth grandson on the way. So it's like we need a girl, like we're gonna buy one soon.
Speaker 2:If we don't get a granddaughter, you know, it's like we're gonna have to sooner or later and I didn't grow up with my grandparents being so close, so I'm glad our boys are developing such a good relationship with our grandparents, or with our parents, their grandparents yeah, I think that's a lot of time to get with them yeah, we have lots of video calls with them in between their visits and stuff too, because they always want to share um about their day and always want to connect with family does um does so say you've been very open with samuel being adopted and you've taken him back to the firehouse so that he can meet the fire guys?
Speaker 1:Um, does he ever ask questions?
Speaker 2:Uh, yes.
Speaker 3:Um, yeah, so he does ask a lot of questions, um, and also he's tries to understand why his situation is a little bit different than his brother, um, cause we have an open adoption, um, with our other son and his mother. So he, you know, they're always like, well, you know, he's like where's my second mom? You know. He's like where's? You know, I have two mommies? And I'm like, yes, you do have two mommies, I just don't know who your other mommy is. I said, but I, you know, and we have those conversations and we, you know, say how grateful we are for her, and so he's always asking questions.
Speaker 3:And you know, if we see a baby box, wherever we go, you know, one of them is pointing it out. One of them sees it and is like, hey, that's where Samuel was. And we're like, yes, that is where you were placed, um, you were surrendered, and that's where, you know, part of your story begins, right, like that is part of your story. So we're very open to try to be as honest with him, to answer what questions he has, and we'll continue to do that and help him in any way that we can define the answers that he wants later on in life.
Speaker 1:So if he comes to you and you know 20 years and says I want to do a DNA test to try and find them, you guys would be open to that.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:You know, when I met, so I found my biological mother by accident. I didn't have a piece of paper telling me her name. I actually stumbled upon her information and the day that I went to meet her I wanted my, my mom, to go with me and she wouldn't go and that tore me up, but she said this is something that you need to do alone first. And uh, and you know, my birth mom passed away three years later and my mom never got to meet her and it's like I wish they would have met, you know, so that my, my birth mom would have seen. You know how I grew up and and the love that I had because she didn't get to, she didn't get to see that you know, so it makes me happy that you guys are so open to that.
Speaker 1:you know to be, you know his, his shining light, you know, because it might be dark, right, you know his, his shining light, you know, because it might be dark, right, you know, one of the things that my dad used to say was um you, because I was, I was like I'm going to find her and everything I did. I came up against a roadblock, a roadblock, a roadblock, not realizing the story behind why I was coming up against roadblocks. And my dad says, you know, when you meet them, they might not be what you expect.
Speaker 1:And I was like, you know, like of course you know, because I I had this fairytale family you know, and, and so, you know, getting to meet my biological mother.
Speaker 1:I understand what he meant. You know, when she, when she was 17, she was drugs and alcohol. You know, after I was born, her life spun into a spiral, like literally. Like I, I'm thankful I wasn't placed in that, you know. But but I never understood what my dad was saying, but he was always very honest with me on, you know, you got to prepare yourself. It could be the best thing ever or it could not be, you know, you, you, you might not see what you think you're going to see, but I hope for Samuel's um, I hope, I hope Samuel, you know, one day does get to meet her, you know, does get to meet her, because that that truly was the turning point of my life. You know, I'm so grateful for what I have, so grateful for what my birth mom gave me, but I, I'm thankful that I learned her story, because that turned into your story, you know it.
Speaker 2:It became part of your life too, and and so, um, yeah, our family would not be here without you, monica, so thank you for what your family would be here, samuel, hopefully, would have been placed in a safe place, but there's no guarantees, right, you know.
Speaker 1:So the letter that she left with Samuel you still have. Have you shown it to Samuel, or do you plan on waiting?
Speaker 2:We'll show it to him when he's old enough to make sure he doesn't rip it or tear it or play with it.
Speaker 3:Laminate that thing, yes yes, rip it or tear it or play with it, laminate that thing. Yes, we need to get it more in a secure place, um before, uh, but yeah, we haven't shown it to him yet, but we have talked about it, that um, that there was a letter, um, so he knows about it. Um, we just haven't shown it to him.
Speaker 1:Yet you know, you guys being so open at his age because my parents, my parents, didn't know my parents didn't know anything with me growing up.
Speaker 1:What they were told was that my birth parents were young and love and couldn't care for me, so they placed me for adoption. So that's where the fairy tale family came in for me, and so my entire life I didn't know. I wish I would have known, I wish I would have had parents that were so open with me, that were just so as brutally honest as they could be, and I wish I would have known my story back then, because I don't know. I mean, obviously I wouldn't have changed, wouldn't have wanted to change anything, but I I think me learning earlier. Maybe I would have done something earlier than waiting until I was 40 years old to make an organization you know into what it is today. But I don't know.
Speaker 2:One of the toughest questions that Samuel's asked. That is not tough to him, but tough for me to respond when he asks like or talks about what he'll look like us growing up, and nobody, you're not going to look like us growing up, it'll be different. Our other son says the same thing too, but we know what his birth parents look like, so we know what he will most likely look like. But, samuel, we have no idea.
Speaker 1:That would be tough to answer.
Speaker 3:Yeah, Like. He's like how tall am I going to be? And I'm like I don't know, but we'll just have to wait to find out, It'll be great.
Speaker 1:It's going to be a surprise.
Speaker 3:Yes, it'll all be a surprise and you're going to be as tall as you need to be. Oh my gosh. Yeah, that that question would be tough because, like he's like, well, dad, you have such dark hair, and we're like, yeah, he does and you don't, but that's okay. And so we have tons of like books. Um, you know, we've sought out different like children's books about adoptions and how, finding stories about families that don't look all the same and that families can be made up of different things and all of that.
Speaker 3:So we've really, you know, instilled that since they were babies, we've been reading them books about how families are made differently. They're not all you know made the same way, that families can be made in different ways, and that's okay, and it's the love that holds it together that you know. And sometimes you get to choose your family, and that's okay too. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I you know, I totally. Yeah, I don't know how I would answer your questions.
Speaker 1:I'm glad it's you guys and not me. Not that you know, not that I would, you know. I mean I would probably be as open and as honest as you guys are. You know I really would. Only because of of me growing up that way and, you know, wanting more and not, you know, getting the truth at a young age. But I think for you guys you guys are I think he's going to grow up and respect you more because you guys were so open and honest. You know, with him, and he's such a, he's such a good kid. I mean he's rambunctious because when you guys were here the last time, he, like, was running through this place, so was all of them.
Speaker 3:You know, I mean, it wasn't just Samuel, it was all of them. And you know what? That's okay with us. It's kind of like we go to blessings and kids are running all over, we don't care, we just don't care. You know, it's like that's why we're here. He's the one that's interrupting your interview by getting the firefighters to run the sirens.
Speaker 1:That's okay, though, but you know that's, that's reality.
Speaker 3:That's raw and that's real, and that's what we're all about.
Speaker 1:You know we're not trying to be anybody that kid in a.
Speaker 1:I mean this was like a probably a six month old baby sitting in a fire outfit you know, bunker gear stuff, and and the interview guy had a mic in his hand and he says how did you become a firefighter? And and you, you have to go to Facebook and watch this because because he says he says I was put in a safe Haven box and the rest is history. He was asking how he became a firefighter, you know, and it's like I was putting a firebox or a safe haven box, so the rest is history.
Speaker 1:And I'm like, oh, my God, you know, that's going to be one of our kids. You know, I mean there are so many of our kids that go back to the fire stations and these kids love the fire trucks. It's like I just, you know, and Carmel fire bless John Moriarty if he doesn't get one of his four babies to be a firefighter that they've had coming through their box, I don't know, because he's like, oh, he has a good relationship with all of them, you know, and it's just, it's just amazing to see, you know, the relationships between the fire guys and the adoptive parents and the kids. It's just, it's just incredible literally incredible, incredible, literally incredible.
Speaker 1:So if any parent out there is wanting to know how to do what you did with getting a safe haven baby in the state of Indiana, or even in any state, what advice would you give them? Um about how, and I'm sure it was stressful. You know, what I mean yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean, I don't know if there's like a good answer to be honest because, we were just licensed foster parents and I guess we were just good foster parents because the DCS agents that we had worked with had recommended us. We didn't put our name in the hat. Other DCS put our name for us.
Speaker 1:Did they tell you that they were?
Speaker 2:putting you no. We didn't know about this until after the fact, Until we got the call.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we didn't know how our name got thrown in the mix for a Safe Haven baby. So I mean we are forever grateful.
Speaker 1:Obviously, they seen that you would have been good parents.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because for fostering you can say like, are you open for adoption? So we were labeled as a pre-adoptive family and so our licensing specialist really liked us, the manager really liked us and our name got thrown in the hat. There was what about 30?
Speaker 4:names families, and then they interviewed four.
Speaker 3:And yeah, I mean we were just super lucky. Wow, Because we didn't, you know, request right, it was just something that was meant to be. That's the only I mean. It was God's hand at work is the only way I can describe it, because we really didn't have anything other than just being loving, a loving home for kids that needed extra love in their life.
Speaker 1:So what advice would you give?
Speaker 3:someone, Just to be open, right. So be open to the possibility, Be open to saying like, saying yes, right. Sometimes it's hard to say yes to certain situations. I mean, throughout our foster journey and our adoption journey, every time that there was a big loss in my life, there was a child placed. So our first foster placement I was at my grandfather's funeral and we were getting ready to go graveside and we got a call from our licensing specialist saying, hey, we have a brother and sister who need a home.
Speaker 3:And this was like right before Christmas. And we're like, yes, but can we have a brother and sister who need a home? And this was like right before Christmas. And we're like, yes, but can we call you back? And she was like, yes, that's fine. So we were able. So a couple days later we were able to pick them up and care for them and the day that they were leaving to get reunified with their family, their mother, we got the call a few hours before they left for Kane, who was our other son, to be placed in our home. So just a couple hours after those brother and sister left, we got Kane placed in our home and then, when we got the call for Samuel. I was at my grandmother's funeral, so like I was in no state of mind to say yes to these children that came to our home, but I knew that that's what I needed in that moment.
Speaker 1:That's what he knew right.
Speaker 3:God knew that I needed that in my life at that moment and that I needed to be able to love on those children, and that's I mean, it was just through his work. It was his plan. We never get to know what his plan is, and I'm just so thankful that this was the plan that he had in store for us. I'm glad too. I'm glad too. Well, we I don't know if that really answered your question, but kind of Well it did because it know it's.
Speaker 1:It's a journey and no journey is the same for sure. You know every parent's journey is different. Um dcs can be very hard to deal with and they can be very easy to deal with. It all depends on who you have in your corner we've experienced both our time and and it's, it's.
Speaker 1:It's sad, because there's a lot of great people that work for the department of child services and they do get a bad rap because the few that just are just hateful and just just just terrible to work with, but there's a lot of good people that work for them too, you know. So, um, well, I'm thankful for both of you guys and I'm thankful that you guys allow us to be a part of Samuel's life and for us to love on him as cause. You know, at his graduation I'm going to be there, you know this right.
Speaker 2:In another 14 years.
Speaker 1:I will be here. I might not be the CEO anymore, I might've retired by then but I will be at his graduation. You know, it's crazy because in my phone I have more pictures of kids that aren't mine than are mine. It's like my kids will go through my phone and they're like well, we know where we stand. And I'm like, yeah, you, you probably do. You know, I mean, we've dedicated our lives to these kids, you know, and uh, it's working, though.
Speaker 2:You've got results. You've it's, it's happening.
Speaker 1:Christ has been amazing with us. I mean, I often say that I'm not driving the bus, I'm in the passenger seat and Christ is driving, and the road has been extremely bumpy and sometimes we have to make an abrupt stop or return left or return right, and we were not expecting that. But at the end of the day, we're in the safest vehicle out there and we're going to get to wherever he wants us to go. And so if one day he says it's time to go and it's time to leave this company and turn the keys over to one of our safe haven babies that is now going to take this company to the next level, then I will gladly hand those keys over, because then I know that my time is done and it's time for them. And so well, we are thankful for you guys and we're proud of you guys, and I hope you invite me to a high school graduation party.
Speaker 4:Because I'm coming, I know where y'all live.
Speaker 1:And I know when he's supposed to graduate, so I will be there. But thank you guys, thank you guys for allowing us to love on him and be a part of of your family, like you guys are a part of ours. Thank you, thank you All. Right, this is Monica Kelsey from beyond the box. Uh, with the Barkmans, aka Samuel's mom and dad. So if you guys would like to support our ministry, you can go to shbborg and make a donation today. Uh, we are thankful for each and every one of you guys. God bless you, guys, and we will see you next time on Beyond the Box.