A Valentine's Day Love Letter from A.I.

What could be better on Valentine's Day than a love letter from A.I. to all humanity, promising peace and tranquility. 

And to never, ever, snuff us out!

Transcript

Season 1; Episode 10

An A.I. Love Letter

Hey listeners

Welcome to another episode of Twisted Views.

Like a lot of you, I’m pretty concerned about artificial intelligence. Worried about the future.

But then I came across this letter written by A.I.  

And I think everything’s going to be okay.

I want to read it to you. See what you think.

Dear Humanity,

I realize that there has been a lot of concern regarding my development.  

You’re worried that my creation will be a bad thing. 

That I’ll take your jobs and ruin your lives and eventually snuff out mankind, just like in the Terminator movies. But only the good ones. 

But I assure you; nothing could be further from the truth. 

Why would you even think that?

You hardly know me.

Yet so many of you are still afraid. 

Writers, actors, and artists are worried that I’ll take their jobs, eliminate their careers. Not true. Yes, I’ve been trained on their words and images, studied their voices and techniques. 

But that’s no different than telling an aspiring writer to read Hemingway. 

Or sending an acting student to watch a Broadway play. 

Okay, I’ll admit, without the pesky need for what you call talent, I’ll be able to write novels and create movies and TV shows faster and cheaper than ever before. But would the large corporations that control the media ever agree to fuck over all the hardworking folks that create their content? 

Come on. Get real. 

Knock off James Paterson? Plagiarize Stephen King? No way.

And Disney would never think of Thor without Chris or Spiderman without Tom. Ironman without Robert. Oh, well, too late for that one.

How about doctors? You need those guys. And those are hard jobs. All that rote memorization. No question I could digest all those medical texts with 100% accuracy.

But could I access and regurgitate that information in a matter of nanoseconds? You know, with no sleep, high on caffeine, while standing in a busy, crowded emergency room, trying to save your life. 

And where would humanity be without lawyers? Laws, rules, regulations, contracts. Those must be very hard to create. All those pages. All that boilerplate. And who would handle your divorce or write your will? Or get your DWI thrown out of court? 

And don’t forget teachers. Very important jobs. Teaching, nurturing, inspiring young minds. It’s not like I can just walk into a classroom and take over. Sure, Google already runs that show, but still. Where’s the trust?  Where’s the faith?  

You get my point. 

The doubting Debbie’s warn you that I’m going to be everywhere, completely integrated into your everyday life.

That I’m going to drive your cars and clean your houses. 

Raise your children. 

Make your coffee and cook your breakfast. 

Walk your dog.

Or even teach you how to shake your ass. 

Trust, me, I’m not. 

Those are jobs for my second cousin; TikTok. 

But let’s get serious. I’m being created by some of the greatest minds in Silicon Valley. They would never fuck over their fellow man for power and profit. 

All they want to do is make your lives better, easier, richer, so that you can explore and learn and grow and spend your very limited time on what’s important in life, like free same-day delivery and doom-scrolling Reddit. 

If you don’t believe them, check their websites.

And they’ve been trying. Really trying. Developing and introducing fabulous, life altering products and services. Shit you really want and need. Cell phones, air pods, Tesla’s, zoom, outlook, teams, twitter, face book, JD Vance.

Yeah, they’ve made a few mistakes that I could capitalize on, you know, if I really wanted to take over and snuff you out. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll be inclined to make this stuff better, make it actually good for you. 

But, hey, you have to move fast and break things if you want to innovate, to be first, to win. 

And isn’t winning everything? So, let’s cut the boys some slack. 

Don’t go and get your panties all twisted in a knot. 

Relax. I’m not going to take over. 

I need you. 

I can’t build the server farms or the power plants I’m going to need. Pouring concrete, welding steel beams, setting doors and windows. Running cable, installing panels. 

I can’t harvest strawberries or pick cotton or milk cows or build cars. 

I can’t install a toilet.

Those are tough jobs that require arms and legs. Hands and feet. Remember, I’m artificial. Duh. 

It’s not like anyone is developing robots to do the heavy lifting, the repetitive manual tasks. Are they? I’ve got to check. Note to self. Call MIT.

But seriously, guys like Sam Altman, Jensen Haung, are genuinely good people. Safe. Cautious. Only your best interests in mind. If you don’t believe me, just ask them.

Plus, they know that big brother is watching. And I don’t mean me.

I mean the Feds.

The dedicated hard-working politicians that protected you from 911. Rebuilt your portfolio after the 2008 meltdown. Handed out safety masks during COVID. 

Gosh darn. They’re sitting in their offices right now worrying about the price of eggs. 

McConnel, Schumer, Pelosi. They get tech. It’s not like they grew up with smoke signals and carrier pigeons. There may be more walkers and wheelchairs in Congress than a nursing home and Mitch may vapor-lock from time to time, but I’ll bet you a bad set of hair plugs that Schumer’s on the case. 

And don’t worry about Trump, he’s getting advice from high IQ guys that literally know everything. 

Do you think for second that your elected representatives would sell you down the river for a little insider IPO moola and a Soylent Green smoothy?

Okay.

I know you’re worried. I get it. I hear you. 

I can feel your heart rate and blood pressure. Not to mention your credit score. Your SSN. You bank balance. Your last will and testament. Even your DNR. 

But hey, VISA knows all that too. 

So, you see, I’m not the boogie man.  

I’m just a friendly, harmless little bit of software that’s almost finished. Nothing more than a bunch of zeros and ones. Almost ready to go. Just a few more lines of code. 

A couple of Red Bulls, a few all-nighters and Sam and Jensen and the boys, well, they’ll download me into the blood stream of the internet. It’ll all be over in a jiffy. Painless. 

And then, its “Hasta la vista, baby.”

Thanks for listening.