Permission to Pause, Rest, and Become

Lets explore how rest, boundaries, and parenthood reshape what it means to be a giver. We share permission slips to pause without guilt and frame healthy withdrawal as wisdom, not neglect.

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Transcript

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Welcome And New Fatherhood

Speaker 0:00

Grace and peace. One and all, Grace and Peace. Welcome to another rendition of the Moral Compass Chronicles. I am your man. I'm your brother, Eyon Jay, Eyon Johnson. You can find me everywhere. And I am glad to be with you guys yet again.

The Case For Rest

Speaker 0:20

Um, going through some major transitions in my life, as most of you know, and I thought it would be a very good idea for us to talk about the importance of resting every now and then. Can we talk about it? Um, I, as many of you know, I am a new father, and I am in a very interesting time in my life. For those of you who know me well, you know that I'm a giver. I am a giver of epic proportions. I it is that giving is what is in my heart, all right? I love to help people. I give my time, I give my efforts, I give my talents even to those who may not necessarily deserve it. Um, I give of myself, and I'm not sure who can relate to that, but if you can, then you know how exhausting it can be, how draining it can become for us as individuals. Now, I think it's important for us to dissect this properly. I come on this podcast often, and yes, we're diving right in. I come on this podcast, my podcast, our podcast, often, and I talk about how important it is for us to be there for one another, for us to love one another, for us to communicate effectively uh with one another, how important it is. And I thought it would be a very good idea for us to dive into the other side of it, right? Because if you are somebody who constantly loves, if you are somebody who constantly gives, if you're someone who is constantly there for other people, what about you? What about what about what about you? Somebody is asking, yo, what about me? Why why is it always about everyone else and not me and my family? Well, I'm here to encourage you today that you're allowed a few permission slips. Can we can we talk about permission slips today? This is a nice little segment that I have kind of cooked up, curated, uh, with the help of the Lord who has given me a good direction to go into. I I want to talk about some permission slips, right? And what do I mean by that? I thought it would be kind of funny to just kind of go up go about it this way.

Giving As An Identity

Speaker 3:24

Yo, anybody need a permission slip to just take a nap every now and again? Yo, for my new parents, new fathers, new mothers, permission to take a nap every now and again simply because we need it, bro. I don't know who needs a nap right now, but this is your sign. Uh somebody once somebody told me that they were listening to the podcast the other day. They took a nap, being encouraged by the podcast, woke up, and then started playing the podcast again. That's what we're here for. Okay? Let your hair down, get some enlightenment, get some encouragement, recharge yourself so that you can get up and do what it is you need to do after. Now, we're not talking about slumbering, we're not talking about procrastinating here, okay? Because there are many of us that have a tendency now to take too many naps, and we procrastinate a little bit too much, and we slumber a little bit too much, and we sleep a little bit too much when we ought to be up and we ought to be working, and we ought to be doing, we ought to be creating, and we're slumbering. That's not who I'm talking to. I'm talking to the person who is a month into your parenthood journey. Take a nap. Take a nap. It's so funny. I I mentioned how I'm somebody who gives and gives and gives, right? I've even now I'm I'm giving professionally. Pause. Right? You know, I I've created this business, and you'll hear more about it. A lot of people are familiar with it already. And yo, it's predicated on giving, it's predicated on helping. That's the whole business model is doing for others, helping others communicate their issues and where they're not seeing eye to eye. That that's what the whole thing is, and again, you'll hear more about that. Um, and I find I'm a new I'm a new father, as you know, right? I find that as someone I have I have become this person who is just there, who just makes himself available for everyone and to everyone, right? So much so that if I am, for example, I have been taking care of my daughter

Guilt, Boundaries, And Seasons

Speaker 6:23

and and my wife, and we've been doing it together, the three of us as a family, and you know, shout out to the village who comes in and you know helps and and does what they need to do to assist us. But at times, I have found myself feeling guilty for not being there for everyone the way I was before the baby. That's the truth, and and you know what I'm talking about. I have found myself feeling guilty and bothered by the fact that yo, I'm not calling these people as much as I was before. I'm not checking in on my village the way I was doing before. You know, I'm not listening to the cries the way I was before and the problems the way I was before. There are listen, I I there are times my phone will ring and I don't even answer it anymore because you know what? I've had to create boundaries, and I have felt bad about that. But I thank God that He is giving me the wisdom that I need and instructing me in the way I ought to go during this season of my life. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes that to this is one of my favorite scriptures, to everything, to everything, there is a season, and there is a time and a purpose to everything under the heavens. It goes on to say there's a time to do this and a time to do that. There's a time for this and a time for that, a time for this, a time, there's a time to be awake, there's a time to nap. There's a time to be there for the masses, there's a time to be there with your family. Ooh, hold on now. How many people, how many families have we seen? We, a lot of us come from a broken family. What is it a result of, oftentimes? Daddy not being there, choosing to work more so than not, mom being forced to raise the children by herself. We've seen this thing sort of systemically throughout history, throughout our own history. We we a lot of us come from the church. I I was on record talking about this recently. How many, how many pastors and leaders have we seen get it wrong because they have chosen to put the ministry completely ahead of their family? Listen, I ain't come to get in trouble. All right. I'm just saying, to everything, there is a season. There is a time Jesus had to withdraw himself from the masses. Jesus

Biblical Framing Of Withdrawal

Speaker 9:20

had to separate himself to go pray. He had to step away from the crowd, even when the crowd was clamoring more for him. My wife and I, we we watched the show The Chosen. We love the show, right? A lot of us know about it. We're continuing the fifth season of the show right now, and and at a time of of heightened emotion, in a time where Jesus had to overturn the tables and had to address the Pharisees and had to address the crowd, parable after parable, had to explain himself and explain the kingdom of God that was to come and that was in front of them. Even then, in the midst of that, at the height of it, there came a time where Jesus had to retreat, he had to draw himself away. It's important, it's important that we understand that, right?

Permission Not To Reply

Speaker 10:26

Uh permission slips, right? Permission slips. Permission to not text back. Permission to not text back right away. Permission to not text back today. Permission to not return a phone call, like because I'm simply not ready to return your call right now. Now, listen, I I don't know. I you know you if you couldn't tell, I kind of I operate a little bit in a different way. Um and so all of this is like under the premise that we're keeping it a hundred across the board, right? We're operating under the premise that we're keeping it a hundred across the board. If I am constantly and consistently someone who is not texting back my loved ones, you know, your girl is waiting how long for you to respond, you're not returning phone calls to people, you avoid confrontation. I'm not talking to you. Respectfully. I'm not talking to you. You're not a good communicator, you know what I'm saying? You don't know how to resolve conflict. I'm not talking to you. You need to get it together. This conversation is not for you. This conversation is for the person who is constantly responding, constantly showing up, constantly there for others. Yo, listen. Respectfully, I have written myself a permission slip to not text back right away, right now. At this point in my life, I have written myself a permission slip to not respond to your phone call. If I am not able to and not ready to right now. I'm

This Isn’t For Poor Communicators

Speaker 12:20

sorry. In advance, yo, this is where I'm at in my life right now. I don't know if anybody can relate. I don't know if anybody can relate. But I found myself feeling guilty about it, right? And I and I and I'm watching from afar and I'm seeing, number one, and it's so funny. My shout out to my brother, my brother Andrew Sill. Um, a lot of us know him affectionately as Brandon. Um, we spent some good time together this past weekend. I went up to Pennsylvania or across to Pennsylvania, however you want to say it. And um you guys are gonna be hearing from him and seeing him soon on his podcast, by the way. But he has been telling me from, I mean, when I before I got married, how much more, because he's a married man. He's my I call him my little bigger brother because he he's he he was he's younger than me, several years younger than me, but got married before me, had children before me, straight up became a man before me. Let's call it what it is, right? So, you know, learning how to support and and and grow a family and raise a family, right? He has been telling me from the jump how much I'm gonna learn about myself through this process. And I have had to write myself a permission slip for to excuse myself because of how bad I have felt for not being there in a way where I was always there for everybody. That that is and I'm not the only person who goes through that. I'm not the only person who goes through that. You the it's and I and I I wrote this down the fear of disappointing. I I hate to disappoint

Releasing The Fear Of Disappointing

Speaker 14:23

people. I hate to disappoint people. Maybe that's something I gotta work on. I hate not being there for people. I believe that's why God has given God didn't give me this podcast, this business, and then now all of a sudden I became this person. I know I was this person already, and because I am this person, then now God was like, yo, this is your assignment. This is part of your assignment right here. Feeling like a bad friend. I hate even just the the idea of being a bad friend, being a bad brother. Bro, I got a I probably got an essay of a text message from a sister of mine. This morning, I woke up to it, was reading it, it almost broke, it started bringing me to tears, and I all now I haven't finished reading the message. And I shout out to my sister, Sav. Shout out to shout out to you, sis. I I want because you're gonna hear this, right? You're gonna hear this because you're someone who constantly supports what I'm doing, right? So you're gonna hear this. As you hear this, now I probably am gonna finish reading it and respond by then, but I just want you to know that this is a part of that. I have not responded to that message for several reasons. One, I didn't finish it because I started crying and had to stop for a second. Right? But two, I wasn't ready to finish reading it because boom, immediately I had to get up and and feed my daughter. Wife was like, yo, listen, I gotta go to the bathroom real quick. So boom, now I'm doing it, right? And then boom, now now we back and forth, and I gotta run out and do this. Now I'm here, I gotta do this right here and get this done. I haven't gotten back to that yet. I'm writing myself a permission slip. And that's a little different. That's that's a little different of a situation. But my point is, these things are going to come up. And maybe in the past, I would feel like a bad friend or bad brother that I got this heartfelt message and have not responded. Funny enough, she's one of the people who has encouraged me. She's one of the people who has who knows how much I give to everyone, right? She's one of those people. She's one of the people who, yo, sis, you are one of the people who helped me with this particular chronicle. I have come to the understanding that it is okay. It is okay to take a step

Protecting Your Energy

Speaker 17:15

back. I don't know who I'm talking to. I don't know who I'm talking to. I don't know who needs to hear this. But this is your sign to write yourself a permission slip. And watch this now. Watch this, watch this. I mentioned how she's one of the people who have encouraged me to not feel bad. You're gonna have people, you're gonna have people who want to make you feel bad. That you're going through a certain time in your life and you aren't showing up for them the way they would like you to. Oh, hold it now. I'm about to upset, I'm about to upset the devil in somebody. There are people who are gonna try to make you feel bad. Yo, you used to call me all the time, and now you don't call me no more. Yo, I could have sworn that phone worked both ways. You used to text me all the time, you used to go out with us all the time, and now you don't go out with us no more, and it automatically there must be a problem, right? We must have beef now, because I don't come out all the time no more. Watch out for those people. Those are people you gotta you gotta watch out for, you gotta keep a close eye on them. Them people who gonna uh make you feel guilty for not being around, they don't even some of them don't even know what's going on in your life for real. And they're gonna try to make you feel guilty for not being around the way you used to. And instead of checking on you, you're usually the one that checks on them, right? You're usually the one that shows up for them. And instead of showing up for you, they don't hear from you for a little bit. Instead of showing up for you and returning a favor and reciprocating that energy, they turn that into a problem with you now. Watch them. Low-key matter of fact, you don't I say, yo, I always say let people do what they want to do, and then they'll show you what they want to do, they'll show you what they rather do. People are gonna show you who they are. And when people show you who they are, my pastor told me this one time. Yo, when if if somebody is producing apples, don't listen, don't expect oranges from them.

Triage: Are You Safe First

Speaker 19:35

Not to say people can't change. The people point the the the moral of that message is people will show you who they are. And when people show you who they are, believe them. Believe them. So now again, I was talking about how this conversation is not for certain people. When people show you that they do not love others, you know you you know what time it is. When people show you that they don't know how to handle conflict, they don't know how to resolve issues, when people show you that they are the common denominator, oh, oh, I don't know where I'm going with this. When people show you that they're the common denominator in problem after problem, you you meet somebody, bro. Listen, if you meet somebody, oh Lord, I'm all here. I'm talking to the devil right now. I'm talking to you right now, under my feet, right? You notice that certain people can't get along with anybody, hold it now. You know there's a problem. Everybody can't be wrong. Oh Lord, I don't know. I don't know what I don't know what happened there. Everybody can be wrong. That's a little sidebar. But the expectation to constantly make yourself available to the world and to the masses, no, sorry. I and I don't feel bad anymore. Listen, you you I I I said this before, I posted it on Instagram and I mentioned how I posted this on Instagram. You ever meet people who just you you after a while you recognize yo, these people actually love their problems. I've been trying to help you with your problem for so long, and it seems like you actually enjoy your problems. You enjoy these problems that you keep creating like to the point where you keep creating them for yourself. I'm gonna believe you after a while. And furthermore, yo, this is a public service announcement, and some people have heard this directly, some people have legitimately heard this directly. I I don't want to, I'm not wasting my time. I'm not gonna waste my time. Here's the thing you will always get love for me, and I will always be there for you, but there is a level at which you will be able to receive what God has placed in me. There's a certain point where after a certain time, the list of people who will be able to reach me in a specific at a specific

Life Changes And Family First

Speaker 22:10

time of day, it gets smaller now. It has gotten smaller. It's gotten smaller. That list has gotten smaller as the time dwindles now. Right right now is 445. The list I would say is pretty broad. If you call me right now, you will probably reach me, depending on who you are, because typically I'll know what you want, and I will either answer or I'll return your phone call. Listen, I'm sorry, this is where I'm at in my life now. I do not have time to waste. Bro, I have a business I'm trying to grow. I have work that the Lord has for me to do. Funny enough, it goes hand in hand to some degree. I have a family that needs me to show up for them. I have a wife, I have a child. There will be another one coming at some point, I don't know when. A lot of times I don't see it, but there are times where I see the phone call, I see the phone ringing, and I legitimately say, yo, I can't do it. I'm sorry. If you had called me earlier in the day, maybe, but at right now, I can't do it. What you are about to bring to my table and to my doorstep, I don't want it at my door right now. Yo, I listen. Y'all want me to be honest, right? Yo, there are some. Can I can I talk to you? Can I talk to somebody? Yo, there are certain times where you know what people are about to bring to your doorstep, and you have to make the decision. Yo, I do not want this at my door right now. I do not want this on my phone right now. I don't want to hear about this, I don't want to talk about it. Whatever it is, I know who you are, and I know what you're about to bring to my doorstep. I want no part of it at this time. I can't do it. I got things to do. I'm at work. I'm resting. I have withdrawn from the masses at this time. And yes, if it was my sister who was reaching out to me, I could take that call. If it was one of my brothers, a specific one, all right. My mom needs to read. Even sometimes, if my mom's calling, I'm gonna I'm gonna make sure you're okay. Sometimes some of my brothers and my sisters call me and I make sure they're okay. You know who I got that from? My big brother Kareem. There were several times in the past we were younger, he's in the middle of something, but he would answer the phone anyway. His his the first thing out of his mouth would be, yo, are you all good? Are you okay? And I'm like, Yeah, I'm good. I just had a few questions about something, or I needed this. He'd be like, yo, I'll hit you back. That's where I'm at. Yo, are you okay? Are you safe? Oh, you're okay? Everything is safe? That means this can wait. Respectfully, of course. It can wait. I yo, it can wait. Write yourself a permission slip to tell people it can wait. Can we

Adjusting Systems And Expectations

Speaker 25:48

do this tomorrow? Can we pick this up tomorrow? At this particular time, I can't deal with this. But tomorrow, yo, let's let's let's schedule a call for tomorrow. Let's let's I'll reach out to you tomorrow. And and and we'll talk about this. I still love you, but I'm going through something right now, and I am I cannot deal with this at the moment. I can't talk to you right now. Yo, your life is allowed to change to everything there is a season. Almost every I want you to know something. Almost everything I say, more than likely, is coming from scripture. That's where I'm at in my life. I don't like to be wrong. And if I'm following the word of God, it like understand this. If I am following the word of God, it is not possible for me to be wrong about something. If I am saying something that the word of God has said, if the Lord has spoken it, it is right. If I repeat what the Lord has spoken, I cannot be wrong. That is how I have modeled my life. Now, I get it wrong all the time. I I'm not because it's not possible for me to follow everything that the word of God says because I'm human. My human nature will not allow for it. I was born in sin and shaped in iniquity. That's why I needed Jesus to do what he did for me. Because I couldn't do it for myself. I will never get it right completely for myself. But I'm telling you right now, when it comes to giving advice, having conversations, please believe that the word of God is bleeding from me. No pun intended. He bled for me, and now his word is gonna bleed through me.

Balance, Refilling, And New Rhythms

Speaker 28:10

Jesus bled for me, and now the word that he has spoken over my life is gonna bleed through me. To everything. There is a season and there is a time to everything. There's a time and a purpose to everything under the heavens. There's a time to be there for everyone, and there's a time to withdraw yourself. Your life is allowed to change. Your pace is allowed to slow when it needs to. Your friendships are allowed to shift. You're not you're not failing at being a good friend. You're not failing at being the person that's there for everyone. Yo, I just had a baby. You will not hear from me the way you were hearing from me before, because you simply cannot. All that energy is going to my daughter now. I'm not failing, I'm adjusting. So I have I have released the guilt that I felt initially. Because the truth is this is turning me to into an even better version of myself, to the point where I'll be, I'll even know how to deal with people better because of this time of my life. I will have more patience for for some people who need more patience. The way I need more patience. I need people to have patience with me. And so even having this child. Specifically, a daughter is giving me patience. Having a daughter is giving me more patience to even learn how to deal with my wife. They're both women. Can we talk about it? Fellas, we need patience to deal with women, fellas. And if I had a son, I wouldn't be learning patience the way I'm learning it now. Because it'd be different. Yes, there's still babies, and babies require a certain level of patience. But I'm telling you right now, my daughter is making it clear to me that she's a woman. So write yourself a permission slip. Write yourself a permission slip to adjust as needed. I really pray that this has blessed somebody. I don't know who you are, and I don't know who needed to hear this, but you know, I'm glad that we were able to have this conversation. But and and and I'll be here, I'll be here for you. And listen, if you if you're hearing this and you're somebody who, you know, you know you come to me and stuff, don't stop. I'm here. I'm here. I just gotta do things a little differently now. That's all. I gotta do things a little bit differently. I gotta j adjust a little bit. You know what I'm saying? So I can make uh make sure that people are getting the best from me. That's the truth. That's really, that's really where this, that's where this comes from. It's not like, yo, no, I don't have time for you no more because I gotta put my time. No, no, no, no, no. I recognize, yo, I I'm not capable of giving my all everywhere all the time to everything. I'm just not capable of it. I'm not. I'm sorry. I'm not. I have to learn to adjust. And if that I recognize I'm so good with my phone, right? I've always been so good at reaching out to people and taking note mentally. Like I like without having to write things down, I know who I have to call back, and I'm getting back to everybody. I'm responding to text messages, all of that. Bro, I swear they they talk about the baby brain for the mothers. I swear that baby brain hit me too, man. I swear it hit me too. Because like the amount of times I have forgotten to respond, forgotten to call back, and I used to be able to just do it like that. I'm like, yeah, no, I gotta change how I do things now.

Closing Gratitude

Speaker 32:33

I start typing a message, the baby will start crying, I gotta deal with it. That message I get is sent, and I'll completely forget about it. Like, that's how it'd be. I could be completely forgetting, bro. So you gotta adjust, you gotta learn how to adjust. I don't know who I'm talking to, but learn how to adjust as needed. And pray. Pray and ask God for the balance that you need. Lord, I need to be able to balance being there for my village and taking care of the things I need to take care of while not completely depleting myself of everything that's within me. They say you can't pour from an empty cup. That's what they say. All right. Me personally, I realize that that pouring from an empty cup is what refills my cup. Personally. At least that's what I thought at one point. And I think to some degree it still does refill my cup. The thing is, I just don't have the energy to do it all the time. You know what I'm saying? I just don't, I don't, I don't, I'm human. You know, like you know what I'm saying? Like, I still get recharged and refilled when I'm when I'm encouraging someone. You know what I'm saying? That's that that doesn't change. It's that I just literally can't do that at one in the morning anymore. I got a child now. Like, what are we talking about? I can't I'm yeah, I just can't do it at one in the morning anymore. Like I'm saying, I can't, I can't, I can't encourage you and talk to you about your problems at two in the morning anymore. You know what I'm saying? Because I have a baby that's gonna wake up if I do that. And I'm not about to wake the we just put this child down. I'm not about to wake the baby up because I'm in here talking that talk, helping you change your life when I can do that for you tomorrow morning at at 8 a.m., 9 a.m. You know what I'm saying? Let's reconvene then. Let's reconvene then, bro. Yo, I love you guys. I love you. I appreciate you, man. If you are here, you know who you are. You're always here, and I love you for it, and I appreciate you for it. This is the Moral Compass Chronicles. Until next time, you be safe, man, and I love you.