Married Men United: With Andrew Scille - FIRST GUEST APPEARANCE!

We sit down as two Christian husbands & fathers, and discuss with zero fluff about lust, discipline, and what it really takes to live like a married man in public and in private. From getting married young to learning how to set real boundaries, we keep it practical, & we keep it real!

Transcript

Welcome And Why We’re Here

Speaker 0:01

Grace and peace, grace and peace. Welcome to another rendition, a very special one, a very special rendition of the Moral Compass Chronicles. I'm your man, I'm Eyon J. You already know where to find me. And particularly this week, you can find me here in Connecticut, as you already know. Holy Convocation, 10th year anniversary. The whole family is here. The whole family's here, including a very special person. I have the privilege, as I told y'all on the last episode, of having my brother here. Andrew, Brandon, Scille. If I had a clap check, we'd be clapping to make some noise for this young man. But my brother, what's the word, man? How you feeling, bro? Hey, man.

Speaker 1 0:41

It's a blessing to finally grace the platform. Grace the platform. I've been listening to the information that you've been putting out within the last year and a half or so. And it's very uplifting. So to finally be on here to give my piece of thought on the way we live life as children of God, the way we live life as fathers, the way we live life as husbands. It's just an honor. I'm just so happy to finally doing this with you.

Speaker 1:15

Hey, man. It's an honor to have you, bro. It's an honor to have you. You know, we we've known each other our whole lives. Entirely. Known each other our whole lives. And the truth is if I was smarter, I would have turned these chairs a little more to each other so we can look at each other for it. But it's okay. You know, we learn it. We'll do that on the next one because there will be another there will be a next one. There'll be a next one. There will be a next one. This is what God has given to me, this platform, as we know, but married men unite. Married men united is something that the Lord dropped into my spirit a while back. And the only person that he mandated me, I believe, to have this conversation with, at least for now, was you, bro. And I told you, and now here we are making it happen. We have not had many conversations about doing this. We've had many conversations about it, though. Correct. You know what I'm saying? And so it it this is gonna, this is gonna be an easy conversation for us to have. You know what I'm saying? Because the only difference is we're in front of some microphones now. Yeah,

When A Man Knows It’s Time

Speaker 2:27

right? Married men. We are we are two married men, and you you were you were married before I was. Yep.

Speaker 1 2:36

Right?

Speaker 2:37

How long you been married, bro?

Speaker 1 2:38

Since 2022. So this December will be four years since I'm married. Wow. Wow. How how's that feel? It feels great because one, I didn't expect it to for me happen so early. So when I got married, I was 25. Wow. When I got married. And for me, I didn't see marriage until maybe after 30. And but I remember the day that it happened when so my wife now, we have been together in total eight years.

Speaker 3:11

Amazing woman, by the way. That's my dog now. I love her. I love her, bro.

Speaker 1 3:16

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. That's yeah. Eight years we've been together in total, and I the thought of marriage when we were together always came across my mind. But for some reason, I just thought there was always the moment where as a man, you know, yeah, it's time. Where since we could just get right into it, right? Man, we in it. Get right into it, right? So, you know, as a man, you just always feel like you you always gonna just think or think about one woman in totality, and just follow me, because I'm I'm gonna get I'm gonna get to that point. Go ahead, right? As a man, you just always feel like there's just always gonna be one woman where you could only ever look at one woman you could only ever think of in certain ways, right? And what I mean by that is that a man never really stops lusting over everyone else. A man never stops, and that's just honest to God truth. I remember when my father came to me, and you and I shared this before, he asked me, When are you gonna be ready to get married? And I said to him, I'm gonna stop when lust leaves me. And he looked at me and he said, Do you think that that's gonna happen? I said, Yes. And he left it there. Now at that moment at that point in time, I didn't really think much of it when I got married, or the morning when it hit me that I should go buy a ring and propose to my now wife, that's when it hit me. But what it is is that it takes a man who knows, because we are lustful creatures, it is natural we are lustful creatures, but it takes a mature man to know that he can focus on one woman only. And that morning when I woke up and something said to me, When you leave work, drive to the mall, buy an engagement ring, and propose to your wife tomorrow. So this was a Saturday morning. I went to work, left work, I drove to the mall. I came back from the mall, I went straight to my father, I called him and I said, Listen, this is what I'm gonna do. And he said, Son, I'm with you. And I I had I had a plan in my head to do it, the engagement, the proposal such a special way. But something just kept pushing in me, no, no, no. It's not the time to be cute, just get this done. And I did it in service that Sunday, and then six weeks later, we getting married. Wow. So but to answer your question in short, marriage is amazing. And four years later, I'm still here and I'm happier every second that passes by.

Speaker 6:12

There we go. Camille, if you if you listen, he's talking to you. I see you're looking at her, bro. Now, you said something interesting, bro. You said something very interesting, and married men, and it's a working title. I don't know. Married Men United, you know, Married Men Unite. I think the whole point was for us to come together. That that was the point. So whatever the whatever we're gonna call it, we call it. But we we live a very different type of life than unmarried men. And you know what? Being married with children, it we live a different life than

Men Are Not Made Of Iron

Speaker 6:50

you know, even men who have children and who are married. You know, we we got that, we got the best of both worlds. We can we can put it, we got the best and the worst of both of those worlds. And you you you mentioned something. See, earlier I was talking about being single and saved. So I guess that's for the people who know know the Lord, right? You're in Christ, right? How we're supposed to be living while we're single, while being men who are Bishop Smith always says, that we are men are not made of iron. And when men, that's that's where dudes go wrong a lot of times. They live their life as if they're made of iron. What is what do I what does he mean by that? It's referring to women. You gotta be careful of the positions you're putting yourself in with these women. You gotta be careful of the rooms you're going to, you gotta be careful of the places you're going to with these different women, you got to be careful of what time of day it is when you're hanging out with these women at certain times, because yo, yo, ain't no there's much good, you know, ain't great things coming from being at a woman's crib at you know 12, 1 in the morning. Right, you know, uh we ain't many things to do right at this time. Right. We here for a reason right at this point. Absolutely, and we're not praying. We're supposed to live while we're single. And there are many things that we shouldn't be doing that many of us found ourselves doing in the past, and some find themselves still doing now. So, you know, you you mentioned you mentioned, you know, lust and dealing with even before before we were married, dealing with being men of God, bro, children of God, but struggling with this thing that we all struggle with, which is leaving the married stuff to the married people. Leaving the married stuff to the married people. That was a struggle for me. Was that a struggle for you at some point in your life, bro?

Speaker 1 9:09

Absolutely.

Speaker 9:14

Just like many of us, if we be honest, right?

Speaker 1 9:16

Absolutely, absolutely.

Speaker 9:17

That's a that's that was a problem for a lot of us, bro.

Speaker 1 9:19

Absolutely, like they always say, leave grown folk business to grown folks. Yeah, so the the thing with that is, and that's a great point, bro. Men are not made of iron. And I think oftentimes as men, we want to explore a bit too much. And it's different for those of us, those who are like us who are in the church. Because as much as we attend church every day, you know, you have the Sunday service, you know, you have the Bible study, you know, you have midday service or midweek service, rather, oftentimes we are so drawn into the activities of the world. We go through school, we go through work, and we hear people talking about those who are not children of God, speaking about the experiences that they may have with said females. And because it is it is not for uh generally speaking, it is not a topic that is talked about much. Sex, uh fornication, yeah, it is just shunned. But the thing is, which I'm which I am thankful for for personally speaking for myself, that although I was curious about married people business, I still had people who would let me know, listen, this is wrong, right? And you are to make sure you're not putting yourself in this position, right? But in an event, you are in this position, do the right thing. Okay and oftentimes,

The Information Age Needs Real Talk

Speaker 1 11:00

did I do the right thing for me, yes, but for the Holy Spirit, no, and I think that that has become the biggest thing because and I do believe that because it is not a topic that the older generation wants to really get in depth with, it causes young people like ourselves to want to find out ourselves. And the problem is when we find out ourselves, because we're not speaking and having these certain conversations, we we don't we don't know what to avoid. So we just experiment everything. And experimenting everything, you are bringing yourself down a path where you may or may not never come back. And that's just the truth. So, what I would say to even those who are in our position or those who are trying to get out of our position, I would I would first and foremost realize that the Holy Spirit is real and that it does guide you. But in order it for it to guide you, you have to feed it right now. We speak about the spiritual side all the time, and I think that's why young people are often maybe at a sense drawn away, because no one ever wants to speak about the natural, no one wants to speak about that hormones are real, that the feelings do come over you, and what should you should do if they come over you. And I think that that is why the young people oftentimes they just draw themselves back from the older folks and there's a disconnect. You know, it's just so fitting that the the topic was preserving the apostolic legacy. It's so fitting that they chose that scripture because Jude 1, 3, it says, contend for the faith. Right. And Pastor Gail, he said something that sucked with me. He said that the way our forefathers got it, we may not get it the same way. But the point is that we get it. So that tells me that the core values, because that's what the scripture is saying, fight for the core values. The core values, we're all gonna get it. We all, we all have we have to we have to keep on the keep the core values, right? But I think the disconnect is because we're not having certain conversations, young people aren't getting it at all. And then that's the problem. So now it gets to a point where they are they're fighting this battle where there's no core value to hold on to because all they're doing is just finding a way to get out. But because they are not open, I don't want to talk too much. Yo, but you know, because they because they don't know how to get out of it, they don't they don't even want to rather they don't want to speak on how to get out of it because they're there's no connection. And in order to for us, he said uh the preacher said to pass on the mantle. The preacher said to pass on the mantle. In order for us to get the mantle, there has to be some some form of communication. There has to be some form of connection. Because if you are passing, uh I believe it was the Tuesday night, and the preacher used a reference of track and field, and he did the relay. Right?

Speaker 14:18

If that was um, yeah, that was uh what's her name? That was Wednesday. That was Wednesday Blackwood. That was when the Okay, okay. They had me passing the baton. You're right.

Speaker 1 14:26

You was the first leg.

Speaker 14:27

How how I'm passing the baton to a bishop. I was like, yo, is this kind of foreshadowing? No, this is just positioning. I was on this side.

Speaker 1 14:37

It could be foreshadowing.

Speaker 14:38

Yo, you know that girl on Instagram that does that, she does those skits where she's like talking to God and she'd be like, I'm gonna see for myself. Nah, somebody, somebody, this is being a knows that one. I'm gonna see for myself. God is saying, yo, don't do this. And she just looking at God like I'm gonna go see for myself. And then your life gets wrecked, bro. We be we be wrecking our lives, putting ourselves in these situations because we be trying to see for ourselves. Correct. And you know what? A lot of it is, I feel like, because the cop, like you said, the conversations don't get had. Correct. But I'm grateful for our generation. Correct. Because I don't know about you, but I be having a conversation.

Speaker 1 15:24

Oh, yeah. I be having conversations.

Speaker 15:26

I thank God, like I ain't that old yet. We're not that old, bro. We're ministers, bro, youth presidents. These young people trust us, the young people younger than us, the ones our age, and then even the ones older than us, they trust us, bro. They trust us and they come to us and they talk to us, and we give them the real. I tell, I tell Sabina, yo, I'm I'm a realist nigga, you know for real. Honestly, yo, in terms of life experience, work, keeping it 100, you know, the the way God flipped my life, 180, bro, not 360, because some of us be getting chewed up by that analogy. 360, bro. That takes you right back. Right back in the same spot. Same spot, bro. Same spot. 180, bro. And I'm not perfect yet, bro. Never will be, but I keep using this reference. Paul talked about becoming saints. We're getting there, we're striving to keep getting there. It's a constant strive, this walk with God, bro. We never actually attain perfection, but we're just we're looking to walk how Jesus walked, bro. We he's our model, right? And so we, bro, I was having this this, like I said, the single and saved, and then now this I did it again today, where I was talking about that path, bro, that you mentioned that we go down and we just try everything, whatever our flesh tells us it wants, bro. We get it. We looking to go get it. Yep. And bro, we don't understand the damage that we're doing to ourselves until it's too late. Until it's too late, and oftentimes it's because we want to see for ourselves. Maybe, maybe they weren't as open with us as we wanted them to be, the elders. But they damn sure told us, yo, don't do that.

Speaker 1 17:17

Correct.

unknown 17:18

Correct.

Speaker 17:18

Don't do it, don't do it. They may not have gone into great detail, but they said, Don't do it. Them soul ties, bro, all them connections that we we laid up in bed, everybody laid up with each other.

Speaker 1 17:32

And then that and that that brings me to a point where, right, they were in a sense vague in what they were saying. Right now, generations evolve, right? Eras, they they evolve. For sure. And I believe in this era, you know, back when we were much younger, it was do as I say. Yes. Don't ask me, don't, don't ask me why.

Speaker 17:54

Do what I say, not as I do.

Speaker 1 17:56

Right, right, and don't ask me why. This generation, bro, there is no such thing as just do as I say, and I'm not gonna ask you why. The the the children of this generation, they they want explanation. And I believe it's great for us to know that and have lived through that. Yeah, yeah, yeah and to know that, okay, well, I understand that you know they weren't as open with us in regards to giving us detail. They may have they have told us not to do it. They didn't tell us why we shouldn't do it. But for us now, it's our I believe it's our mandate, our duty to explain to these younger, these younger people or those who are even the same age as us that listen, this is the reason why you shouldn't do it. Here is A, B, or C as options as to what could possibly happen. Yes, and you need to avoid it the best way you can.

Speaker 18:46

This is the information age, right? Ah, perfect. The information age. I love that. Not it all, bro. And we have access to all of it at the tips of our fingers. Yes. One of my one of my last podcasts, bro, the title was raising and mentoring TikTok teens in a world of Snapchat and Street Violence. Super long title, you know. Won't get you know, won't get picked for any slogans or anything, right? But raise that's so real, bro. That because that's what we're doing. That's what we're doing as as ministers, bro, as as elders of these younger ones, bro. And we're trying to help them stay on the right path. We're trying to help them and keep them from doing all the stuff that we did that we shouldn't have done for real. Absolutely. We made it out alive, bro. We made it out alive, yeah, virtually unscathed, you know. Absolutely. I mean, it like on a scale of what could have happened.

Speaker 1 19:40

What could have happened? I'll give you a testimony. Bro, there was a time when, you know, things was, you know, you as a young person, you're living your life and you're you're moving a certain way. For sure. Because you know, I don't know if every anyone is like me, but I felt like I was bulletproof. I would walk around like I'm 50 Cent. He got shot nine times and survived. And I remember there was there was a lady in our church who got demonized. Oh Lord. And at the very end of it all, the the demon said to a group of people, and she said, Pastor, speaking to my dad, she said, or it said that your son has a bullet with his name on it. And the information got back to

Signs Conviction And God’s Exit

Speaker 1 20:30

me, I think maybe either the same night or day before. And it kind of took me back a little bit. And I'm with a thought process, like, all right, well, first and foremost, I don't cause trouble. So there's a bullet, if there's a there, a bullet can't find me if I'm not looking for trouble, because I don't look for trouble. And a couple months later, I found out that I was gonna be a dad at this point. And it was said in church that the the Lord had to slow you down because who knows what could have happened to you, insinuating that me having a kid would change how I live my life, because where however I was living it before, wasn't getting it done. So as to that point, give God thanks for that, bro.

Speaker 21:21

Bro, I remember I made a I made a covenant with God that that's on here too. I'd be y'all be telling all my business, bro. I be telling these people all my business at this point. I I but you know what? It's who I am, it's who I've always been. When I was younger, bro, two two when I was younger stories. Anytime I I used to get in a lot of trouble in school. But anytime I got in trouble, I would come home and tell my mom first.

Speaker 1 21:51

Absolutely.

Speaker 21:52

And right away. My mom never beat us for real. It was my dad that that that put in the work for real. Oh geek. But I would come home, tell my mom, then by the time the evening time came, teacher called his house and would tell my mom what happened. My mom'd be like, oh, I know. I know what happened. I'm I'm handling it. He told he told me already. Teacher's like, I'm sorry? Yeah, yeah. He told me already. He tells me everything. So he told you that he, X, Y, Z, yeah, yeah. We're handling it.

Speaker 4 22:21

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 22:21

Mm-hmm. Like, nah, you're not gonna, first of all, you're just not gonna beat me to it, bro. You know what I'm saying? You're not going to. I don't know why I was like that, but that's that's me. So now seeing for yourself now. I'm somebody who you couldn't tell me like fire is hot, bro. When I was younger. You can't tell me fire is you can't tell me, yo, don't put your hand by that flame, bro. It's gonna burn you. Stay away from the fire. Bro. Bro, no. I had to feel the fire for yourself. To know, yo, this hurts. Right. I can't do this, bro. And I don't even need to go into no examples, bro. There's so many times I did some dumb stuff as a little kid. Put on metal in an outlet, bro. What? Bro, put metal in an outlet. Here's the worst thing that happened. You know the worst thing that can happen when you're doing something you ain't supposed to do is that there is no consequences yet. That's a word, right? We can, we can, we can apply that to everyday life, bro. We can. One of the worst things that can happen to us when we live in a way we shouldn't live. All right now, Lord. I hear you. One of the worst things we can do, bro, when we living living nasty, filthy lives, bro, doing stuff we shouldn't be doing, going places we shouldn't be going, bro. Yep. Living a life we shouldn't be living. The worst thing that can happen is that there are no consequences. Or at least you don't see any. Because when you feel like, yo, I can keep living this life, bro. I can keep going, going to the parties, I can keep getting drunk every week, bro. I can keep smoking. I can keep smashing everything I want to. When you do that, and there it doesn't seem like there's any consequences, bro. Your finances, God not tying your finances up, God ain't sending no sickness to get your attention. That's when you should worry. God ain't, oh, that's when you should be worried. That's when you should be worried. Because in the beginning, when you're doing stuff like that, there's a conviction. There, yo, but that that's for some people though. Some people, some people like, they're not even at the point of feeling conviction yet for real, bro. Some people And some people ignore it. Yo, the worst thing that could happen is that you don't you don't feel no, you don't get burned. That's the worst. You don't get burned. That's the worst. You don't you don't niggas die like that, bro? Word. Yo, I'm living this life. I'm a gangster, bro. I'm trapping. Worst thing that could happen to you when you trapping is that you're doing it successful. Well, I guess can't say that's the worst thing. Like, that's why people that's why trappers keep trapping, because they getting money and ain't nothing happened to them. Nothing happened to them. They ain't getting shot yet. Some of them and some of them get shot, don't die. It's like, oh they rap about it. You just you mentioned 50 cent earlier. Word, word. They rap about it, bro.

Speaker 1 25:18

Yeah, worried. They walk to that bank teller with confidence because they know nothing gonna happen to them.

Speaker 25:22

These dudes ain't getting arrested. Ain't nobody telling on them.

Speaker 4 25:27

Word.

Speaker 25:27

They not getting caught, yeah, bro. Yeah, I got out of that life, bro. Got in it. That conviction you talked about, I certainly had it.

Speaker 1 25:38

Certainly, absolutely. I'll tell you another story. I remember one time I shouldn't have been doing something, and my pops he worked in the city. That particular day, I was in the city, and I'm at the stoplight coming back from doing what I shouldn't have been doing. And I just happened, I just happened to see I'm at the stop. I'm in the car. I'm at a I'm at a traffic light. And I see my dad walking across the street, and I ducked. I was like, God, there's no way that's my pops. There's no way I see my dad after I already committed what I committed. There's no way I see my dad. Anyway, I get back to Brooklyn. I'm having a conversation with my grandmother. My grandmother says, Brandon, your father said he thinks he saw you in Manhattan. Were you in Manhattan today? And me, like like an idiot, say, Manhattan? I don't know. So it's just like, yo, it's just like, it's it's just it's just funny how even in the midst of you doing your wrongdoing, bro, you there's signs. There are signs.

Speaker 26:45

And the Bible says God always makes a way of escape, bro. Yup. When we when we when we in somewhere, something we shouldn't be in, bro. Yep, God always creates a way of escape. And you're aware. Yo, there's an exit down there. Bro, I see you know how many, so like we have failed that many times, but I thank God for his grace, bro. I thank God that his grace is sufficient, bro. And I thank God that I'm no longer taking his grace for granted. Nope. I'm no longer taking his grace for granted, bro. Nope. I'm in a place where I see the exit.

Stop Moving Like You’re Single

Speaker 27:20

I'm taking it, bro. Yep. I'm taking it. Nope. Especially as a married man now. Here we go full circle. Yo, I'm married now. I was actually just talking to Bean about this. Bro, some of these, some of these married men, bro, they still living like they single, bro.

Speaker 1 27:39

And then that's the problem. And then that that kind of brings me right back to the beginning of this conversation where it takes a mature man to realize I can focus, I can focus on one woman. You know, in the Caribbean culture, you know, we talk about gallus, who could have the most women, or you know, in more American culture, womanizer, right?

Speaker 4 28:03

Yeah.

Speaker 1 28:03

You know, it's cool when you in school. It's cool when you in school. Yeah. Right? Because, you know, when you in school, all the girls, you, you know, you play sports, maybe, or you might be a popular kid. It's cool when all the girls run to you.

Speaker 4 28:15

Yeah.

Speaker 1 28:16

But you you become older and you realize, and for me, for me personally, when when I found that I was gonna become a father, I immediately told myself that I wanna be the man I want my son to be. And I change how I talk. And some oftentimes, even now, I catch myself behaving a certain way, and even my son may see it, and I feel bad because I don't want him to grow up thinking that what he saw his dad do was okay and then emulated. Yeah. And I think that and and that that's it that's very important because as you say, men live like they're single still. You know, I check in with my wife. Like I check in. It ain't ain't never gonna be a time where I'm gonna just get up and go somewhere. I'm I'm gonna I'ma get up, I'ma have the thought to do something, I'ma check with, I'ma check in with wifey. Yo, we good? You you need anything before I go? All right, cool. There's there's no there's no moving a certain way as if you don't have a family at home. Here we go, bro. And that falls into a double life.

Speaker 29:21

There we go.

Speaker 1 29:22

You know, are you hot or are you cold? You can't be lukewarm. There we go. You're gonna be single or you're gonna be married. You made the commitment to be married. So why move like you single? And I just feel like a lot of men get caught, get caught in that.

Speaker 29:35

And yo, to that point, uh-huh, as much as I believe God is keeping me, and I am successfully not stepping out on my wife, bro. As a man with a man's brain, I see why so many men fall. Yeah, bro. I see, you know why? Because getting married doesn't change your DNA. No, it doesn't change how you're how you're what you're made of. I'm still a man. We are still men, we are primal beings, we are hunters by nature. Correct.

Speaker 1 30:22

That is how God made us, and I think that's the reason why men don't want to commit fully. Yes, because they they think that there's like this special juice you drink that just makes everything else go away. No, it'll go nowhere. No, if you are hearing me, it does not go away, but it is discipline, discipline is discipline. Do you have the natural discipline and spiritual discipline to understand that I am a man, a married man, walking with God. Come on now. How does this image look for me to step out? That's why it's important, it's very imperative. Please, when you are in pursuit of a wife, because marriage is lifetime, right? Marriage is a lifetime. So when you are in pursuit for a wife, seek God. Not every woman is going to be perfect. There are going to be things you do not like, but seek God. You you put before God the the the qualities that you are looking for, right? And you find that and you move forward. Again, no marriage is perfect, no woman is perfect. There are going to be things that you do not like, and vice versa. Because for the females as well, there's going to be a man that you love, and there are going to be things that is not he's not perfect, right? But you want to pursue the qualities that you find that you can live with for the rest of your life. You know, my dad said something to me one time. My pops was like, son, let me tell you something. He said, When a woman wakes up in the morning, that is, I just use this word, the ugliest she's going to look. Right? And he said to me, he was like, But you have to find the woman that you're going to be okay with.

Speaker 4 32:21

There we go.

Speaker 1 32:22

Waking up to like, because not every woman is the prettiest when they wake up. That's it. You know, they got this song, I woke up like this. Like, nah. No, you didn't. No, you did it. No, you didn't. So you have to be okay with what you wake up with in the morning. There we go. So if you wake up to what if you if you're okay with hot breath, if you okay with the the the white marks inside of the mouth when they drool and the s not, if you okay with that, the the eye bugs and all of that, you gotta be okay with stuff like that. You know what I'm saying? So yeah, so it's it's not back to the the original point of living like you're single, not the TV show, but like living like you're single when you when you're a married man. It's discipline. You have that you have to have the discipline, you have to choose wisely. Um, when you're choosing, you have to seek God.

Speaker 33:04

There you go, man. There you go. Man, I I thank God, bro, that I'm not lost. You heard me up there yesterday. I just thank God I'm saved, man. Absolutely. I thank God that I have my head on straight, pause, you know. I honestly thank God, bro, because the I can think clearly, bro. I understand this conversation, I understand it's not easy. Sought the Lord for the very first time back in 2022, 2021, excuse me. Said, Lord, all right, show me, show me some good options. That's what I said to him. And he didn't give me one, he gave me several. But the first one he gave me is my wife. That's all that's all I know.

Speaker 1 34:01

Shout out to Tashia number one option.

Speaker 34:03

And she denied me twice. She said no. She said no. I wasn't on her mind the first time when I came around, bro. But it was that conversation that put me on her map. Then she said no again. You know? And guess what? After she said no the first time, I went to options two and three that God gave me. He gave them to me. At this point, bro, it wasn't about like, yo, I'm like, Lord, you do it. And he did. He did, bro. And and man, it's not easy. The lifestyle change is serious, bro, especially when you involve the kids, bro. And we're we'll have different, you know, uh facets of this conversation. Absolutely. You know, this is kind of like a general one. Part one of many. But man, I thank God that he's keeping me, bro. He's keep it's only it's yo, my strength alone can't do it, bro. Nope. Cannot do it. Nope. Yo, the temptation didn't stop. Nope. The desire to be my own man didn't stop. He didn't go out the window. Nope. Nope. But it's that discipline and it's that decision. I understood. All right. It's not good for man to be alone. Correct. I understood, all right. He that findeth, if you find a wife, you find a good thing, you obtain favor from the Lord. I wanted to see favor from the Lord. I understood that it was better to marry than to burn. I was burning, bro. I was burning with lust, bro. I was burning with it.

Speaker 1 35:39

Mm-hmm.

Decide Means Killing Other Options

Speaker 1 35:40

You know, you said you said a word that stuck out to me, right? You said you mean the decision. Right? So the with the word decision or with the word decide, right? Because you said you had options. Yeah. Right? And you said the Lord gave you three options, that's correct.

Speaker 35:57

He's funny too, because I knew I had options. Like I, yo, I'm like, yo, I could call, I could choose any one of these women and make them my wife.

Speaker 3 36:05

Uh-huh.

Speaker 36:06

But I go to God about it, and God give me more than one. I'm going to him, like, yo, Lord, show me who a good choice would be. That's what I that's how I put it. Show me who a good choice would be. And then he shows me several good choices and said, All right, now what you gonna do? Right. I'm like, bro, really? And and what you did was decide.

Speaker 1 36:24

I did. Yes, sir. You may you decided on Natasha, right? I did. And you know, the special thing about that word decide, right? You know, you have the word genocide, right? Which is a killing of mass people. All right, you have homicide, the killing of a person, right? So the suffix side, c i d e that means to kill everything. Right? So when you decide, when you decided, you killed every other option. Wow. And made Tasha the one. The one. Well, right? And that's what married men do, but they subconsciously don't realize that they have to follow through. Because when you make a decision, that means you are killing every other option that there was. Any other woman that there was, like they're dead to you now. Like the thought of them are dead. And the one before the only living option, the only option is in front of you. And that's you moved forward with. Now, everyone makes a decision, but you decide on marrying one person, yeah, and you have the discipline of being loyal to that one person.

Speaker 37:45

That's it, bro. That's it. Yeah, that's it, man. That's it. Yo, for the for the for the single men out there, young brothers, older brothers, not married yet, these are some wise words from from a married man. From a married man, from two married men.

Speaker 1 38:08

And I'm still learning.

Speaker 38:09

And we bro, still learning. Do we ever have it figured out? Will we ever figure it out?

Speaker 1 38:14

There's no such thing as figuring it out. You may have an idea.

Speaker 38:18

Marriage in of itself is like, honestly, the marriage itself sometimes feels like another child that you have to tend to just from that standpoint. Correct. You've got to tend to it, you've got to nurture it. It's a plant. Whoo, a plan is better. A plan is better. It's a plant. You've got to take care of it. It's a plant.

Speaker 1 38:41

Yep. Or else it'll die. Correct. You have to know when to water it. You have to know when to step away, give it time to grow. You have to know when to put it in the sun. Sometimes it just needs sunlight. Sometimes it just needs sunlight. No. But you have to know. Yeah, and you have you have to know. If you give it too much of one thing, you're killing it. You understand?

Speaker 39:00

So it's even though water is good for it.

Speaker 1 39:03

Even though water is good. So water can still drown it. Correct. Because they tell you if you drink too much water, that's not good for you. That's it, bro. All right. If a person works, works chest five days out of the week, that's not good. Your muscles aren't recovering. There we go. You're just tearing it apart day and day and day out. And there's no recovery. Everything gives time. So it's okay to get up and go to the park, maybe walk, or go to the gym, or find a hobby that's away from your spouse. There we go. Because you need time apart to get back together. And it's okay. You don't need to be in everybody's each other's face, right? Why do women struggle with that sometimes?

Speaker 39:42

Sorry, we're going. My bad. But I I find that women, women have a difficult time with that.

Speaker 1 39:56

They do. They do. I don't want to say it's clingy, but I because I don't believe every female is clingy. But I I think it's just a a case of safe haven. Because remember, we're the leaders. Yeah. We we we are the one that they we are their fathers gave them to us. There we go. Right? So we're their source of protection. So when we need time just for ourselves, like we have a man cave, right? We want to go in the man cave and we don't want it to bother us, right? It it that separation can can you know in a in a sense, what's what I'm looking for here? Offend them as if we don't want to be around them. I know no, sweetheart, I still want to be with you. But just give me a chance to just back off a bit, right?

Speaker 40:47

Oh man. And then I'll I'll I'll let you I'll let you I'll let you deal with it. I'll let you get in trouble. You did all the talking. I didn't say nothing.

Speaker 1 41:04

You heard that he set me up.

Speaker 41:07

Oh man, but yo, it's it's it's I hear you, bro. It it it comes off, you know, it'd be hurting them. You know, they're sensitive, man. We love that. We love though, bro. Absolutely. They they get sensitive, they love us so much, man. You know, they want to be all up under us, man. You know what I'm saying? I just told my wife, go hang out with her friends. You know, she came back down asking me like what I'm doing. I'm about to record a podcast, baby. Go hang with your friends. Sabina, Sabina said, Oh, she just wanted to spend time with you. I've been with her all week. I've been with her all week, bro. Oh man, I love my wife, bro. I love my wife, love her dearly.

Speaker 1 41:50

Love my wife dearly.

Speaker 41:51

I love my wife, bro. I made a good choice. You made a good choice.

Speaker 1 41:53

Made a great choice. Made a great choice.

Speaker 41:55

Yo, it's good when like you're like some people be lying. Some people ain't make a good choice, bro. Yo, some people ain't listen, it's after it's after hours now. Let's let's talk for real. So we could talk, right? Yo, some people, some people didn't make a good a good choice, bro. Some people didn't make a good choice. No. And you know what though? I'm sorry to say that, though.

Speaker 1 42:19

I didn't make a good choice.

Speaker 42:20

I'm sorry to say that. I'm very sorry to say that because that's their choice. Correct. They've probably made the choice that they thought was best for them. You know what I'm saying? Or maybe truth is too, not many men could get women like ours, though. So it's also that. So it don't even be somebody's fault. So I'm not maybe that was a little too shady and too honest, maybe.

Speaker 1 42:49

No, you gotta be you gotta be too honest because the problem is, right? Or what I think the problem is, is that a lot of these men, bro, they're remember how, remember, so let me let me just quickly ask you something, like, because you you go to you go to the sneaker store and the shoe store, stuff like that, right? What's like what's been a while? Been a while? Yeah. I gotta talk to Tasha about that. So what do you do? What is it, what is your what is your procedure? Do you just see the clothes, like it, buy it, or go in the fitting room, try it on, you realize, okay, and this is not the proper size, I don't like how I look in it. Let me find something else. Same thing with the sneakers, and I don't like I don't like how the laces feel when I when I draw them up. Yeah, right? Yeah, or when a person goes to a dealership, you need a car. What are you gonna do? No one ever sees a car and just buys a car without sitting in it, feeling it, driving it, make sure every gear that you transition into Hold up now.

Speaker 43:52

Yo, how is a man gonna know?

Sex Memories Soul Ties And Grace

Speaker 44:00

See, we we like yo, I gotta know what the what the sex is like. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1 44:06

Oh my god, this is the topic right here, bro. This is important to know because here's the problem. Remember how we in the beginning of the see, we keep going back to the beginning of the conversation. The older folks aren't open enough about real life situations, right? Statistically, and you could fact check me. Statistically, the leading causes, and this is in America, I can't speak for the world, but in America, the leading causes of divorce is uh finances, right? Lack of I'm not making much money, so my wife wants to leave me, right? Business people get married for business purposes, right? Infidelity, if you cheat on your your spouse, she'll leave you and sex, sexual pleasure, sex sexual pleasure, excuse me. And I just think that you know, and this is a very, very fine line that we that I try not to step over because the Bible the Bible does speak about not fornication, yeah. All right, now the Bible specifically doesn't say you shouldn't have sex before marriage, but it does say you shouldn't be fornicating. And what's fornication? Sex before marriage. All right, so it says it. But but it doesn't say the words don't have sex before marriage, but yeah, whatever. Right? But with those things being said, on the natural sense, it's important to be open enough to understand that you should figure out what you like in all aspects. You talk about qualities, right? As a man or as a woman, you know, it's tough to find out the day of the night you get married, and what this person is like, bro, and then what if you don't like it, and then this is what you committed to for the next lifetime. Exactly. And that's a problem.

Speaker 46:07

That's that's tough. And you know why that's a problem? Because we broke the seal, we all broke the seal. We were, and I'm upset it myself for taking so long to get here, but because this is what I was talking about earlier, and I wanted to talk about this. That is why it's that's a problem. We were never supposed to know, bro. We were never supposed to know what sex was like before marriage. There should not have been any experiences to compare our wife and spouses to. We were not supposed to have, and that is the reason why. The reason why God told us not to have sex out of marriage was for that reason, amongst other things. I always say one of the biggest penalties of sin, especially sexual sin, bro, one of the biggest penalties of it are the memories that you are now forced to live with. Oh boy. We are we subject ourselves to these memories for life, bro. Yep. God did not intend for me to see several women at this year's convocation and be able to remember what it was like. I wasn't supposed to know that. God did not want these women to have to see me married and heartbreaking every time because they know what my wife getting. We were never supposed to know that. And I say that for us, and I say that for our wives as well, not just us, every all of y'all out there listening. None of us were supposed to know. And now we we done we done locked ourselves up and tied our soul, tied ourselves to all these people. We done done laid up in everybody's bed, and now hearts are broken. Nobody knows how to move on and move forward. Nobody knows how to move on. And then we gotta see each other in church on Sunday, and we gotta see each other at work. You ever see a workplace blow up cuz cause the ex-girlfriend is disgruntled? Cause this new dude was smashing her, now he's dealing with somebody else, and she's upset, or vice versa. Bro, we were never supposed to know this mess right here. We created, we did it, and God literally told us not to, and because we just gotta see for ourselves, now we see. Now we see so that bro, that that having sex on your married night, and then not being satisfied, you shouldn't even know whether or not you're satisfied. You shouldn't know. We shouldn't know, you shouldn't know. It's just that we do know. Because of our error, the error of our ways, we know what good sex is now, right? We know what we like. We shouldn't know what we like.

Speaker 1 49:21

And that's it's just such a it's such a that's such a deep, this, it's such a deeper conversation than that, bro. Because even apart from people exploring, you know, with other partners, people are also watching things they shouldn't be watching. Bro, oh my god, that that it goes hand in hand. It goes hand in hand because now there's this experience that you're expecting from what you watch. Exactly.

Speaker 49:45

And that experience is not even real, it's not real. And what are you watching? You're watching a bunch of people do stuff that they shouldn't be doing, and love is not even involved.

Speaker 1 49:55

It's not, it's not. So you you're you're comp you're trying to match your experience that involves love.

Speaker 50:02

Bro, sex was supposed to be beautiful, correct. It was made to be enjoyed between man and wife, man and woman. Man and woman. Yo, Romans 1 talks about men doing unseemly with men and women with women. That's Romans 1. Paul talked about it to the Rome, to the Roman church, he spoke to them about that. About the same thing we saw in Sodom and Gomorrah, that same treacherous and and devious and disgusting stuff that we see today. Paul talked about it then.

Speaker 1 50:46

Leviticus 20, verse 13.

Speaker 50:48

Bro, it's been going on for how long? That's an abomination, bro. This abomination, thank you. Right? So Romans talks about it, so but and all of that stuff, bro. We perverted something beautiful. The the devil perverted, and that's what he does. That's what he does, that's what he does, and now we and so now because of that, we find ourselves seeing these, seeing people that are attractive, and we think about what we want to do to them instantly, instantly. I want to do this, I want them to do this. Because we know what we like already, and we shouldn't. Man, I thank God for his grace. I thank God for his grace because it's only the grace of God that could have saved me. I wouldn't have been able to find a spotless lamb, sir. I wouldn't have been able to. Not not this many times. Only but so many sacrifices I would have had to make. Second that God would have jerk struck me down right where I stood. You would have had to. Yeah. You would have had to. He'd have had to flood the world

Why We’re Doing This Together

Speaker 52:10

again. Give God thanks. We think for what he did. Man, this is this is first of many, bro. The first of many. Oh man. The first of many. Think about part two already, dog. I could we could do, we, we could sit here and do this again for another hour. But you know what? We're gonna we're gonna table this, bro, so that we can come back and have the next part of this conversation, bro. How you feel, man? How you feel? Thanks for being here, bro.

Speaker 1 52:41

First and foremost, thanks for having me again, bro. For having me again, dog. I feel, I feel great. I've been wise as I said, I've been watching your episodes and your platform for the for a good while, and to finally be on it and speak and just let other people know you're not you're not in it by yourself. That part. You're not in it by yourself. And that's and that's the purpose of this. To let other men, let other young people, or let anybody, any human being, you're not by yourself. Like we either have are going through something or have been through it. You know, they say each one help one.

Speaker 53:19

Yes, sir.

Speaker 1 53:20

Hezekiah Walker has a song. He says, I need you to survive. Every every every it's it's uh it's a chain link. We walk with with one another. If you take a step backwards, I'm not moving until you get back with the line. So it's it's an honor to be doing this, bro, because I just think a lot of people need to hear this. We're all children in Christ, and we are trying to not only help those who are already in Christ that are struggling, we are also trying to bring other people who are not in Christ to Christ. And this you're looking at people who aren't a finished product. You're looking at people who weren't born at the altar. Well, technically, you, your mother's water broke at the altar, did it not?

Speaker 54:03

Yo, prayer meeting. Prayer prayer meeting on a Monday in Brooklyn. And my pops didn't want me to be born because they was saying take her to Brookdale. He's like, nah, bro. Oh back to Mount Vernon. Oh nah. Yo, shout out my pops. I wouldn't, you know, maybe Kings County or something, but I don't think Kings County was as good at the time. And so he's like, nah, we're going back up to Mount Vernon. So, yeah, bro. We we here, man. We here, we here. We're a work in progress. We we ain't where we're supposed to be yet, but man, have we come a long way? Come a long way. Boy, have we come a long way, bro? We have come a long way. And and you know what? To be able to the the the what I say, the moral compass chronicles, the moral compass group, the goal is to help the world with the principles of the church. That's the goal. That's what I'm trying to do. And so thank you, my brother, for helping me do that here today. Absolutely. You know what I'm saying? We we we we we'll do this again soon, man. Very soon. Very soon. Love you, man. Love you. And we love you guys. We love all of you guys, man. Thanks for joining us again. You already know, man. This is the More Comes Chronicles. Until next time. God bless.