Punishment or Protection? How Perfectionists Misread God's Delays (Part 2/2) | 022

Take the free Grace Scale Quiz to see how much perfectionism might be impacting your life:  leneepezzano.com/grace-scale

When nothing seems to be moving, it’s easy for a Christian perfectionist to assume something is wrong.
In Part 2 of this series, we explore why slow seasons feel threatening—and how they can actually reveal the fatherly heart of God.

Through two simple parables—“it’s like paste” and “let me carry the groceries”—this episode reframes God’s delays as protection, not punishment. You’ll discover why waiting is not failure, why delay is not disqualification, and how God leads the weary with safety before pressure.

If you’ve been questioning whether you’re behind or disappointing God, this episode offers a grace-filled reset.

✨ You’re not behind. You’re being held.

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Transcript

Punishment or Protection?  How Perfectionists Misread God’s Delays (Part 2/2) | 022

Scriptures referenced (in order):

• 1 John 4:18
• 1 Corinthians 3:7-8
• John 15:5

The Grace Scale Quiz

Leneé: Hey, friend. Welcome back to the Redeemed Perfectionist. If you listen to the last episode, I told you that God gave me two parables, and that they completely reframed the season I am in. And then I stopped because before we could talk about the parables, there was something more important we needed to address.

How we interpret seasons where nothing seems to be changing. Because if you're a perfectionist like me, slow seasons don't feel neutral. They feel threatening. They trigger comparison and self-doubt. And that quiet panic that says I should be further along by now.

So today we're gonna dismantle those lies and we're gonna go deeper into the heart of God and offer you a picture of what is really behind his Fatherly Divine delays. Because if you misunderstand the season, you'll 

[00:01:00] misunderstand the heart of God in it. And remember, be sure to join our Facebook community, the Redeemed Perfectionist, so you don't miss special announcements and encouragement along the way. 

 Let's unpack the parables he gave me.

So, He said, “it's like paste and let me carry the groceries.” I, I mean, do you, do you see how I could mistake this for a riddle? But remember, a parable actually invites us to see where we are in the story, and that is exactly what happened for me. That phrase, it's like paste. It just stuck with me. At first, I didn't find it comforting.

I mean, paste is sticky and it's slow, and it doesn't look impressive, and it doesn't feel productive. And if you're a perfectionist, a paste season can feel unbearable because when nothing is visibly happening, we assume something must be wrong.

[00:02:00] We start asking questions like, what did I miss? Did I disobey? Am I being delayed? Is God disappointed with me? Am I falling behind again? For a perfectionist, waiting rarely feels neutral. It feels like failure. And here's what I began to realize. The paste season wasn't what was hurting me…the way I was interpreting it was.

I assumed that because progress felt slow, God must be applying pressure.  That if I wasn't advancing, He must be correcting me.  That if things felt heavy, it must be because I needed to try harder. But that assumption says more about how I learned to survive than about who God actually is. So I wanna pause here. 

I want to emphasize that God is both the Lion and the Lamb, and I struggle with that 

[00:03:00] because as a perfectionist, the Lamb side of God -- that tender, compassionate, gentle side -- that's the side I struggled the most with. I am more comfortable and stronger on the Lion's side. You gimme the rules. You, you tell me that I'm disobeying.  I mean, I am all in to fix it, follow the rule and be more acceptable in your sight. 

And of course, there's unhealthy beliefs under all of that, and we know that that's part of why I'm here. So, if you're somebody who's struggling in the same way I did with the Lamb side of God, I do want to take this moment to say that God is not passive.

He does correct. He does confront and He does call us higher, and I do not want to lose those truths about God. But if you're somebody who is already living under shame and fear like I always was. His first move is 

[00:04:00] often not going to be that corrective pressure as much as it's going to be creating a safe environment and reassuring you. Because love doesn't demand transformation. It invites.

1John 4:18: Perfect love cast out fear because fear brings with it torment and punishment, and that matters deeply in a paste season because what feels like stagnation to you might actually be stabilization to God.

Stagnation to you, stabilization to God.  What feels like delay may be Him reinforcing your foundation and what feels like silence may be Him staying closer than ever.

A perfectionist interprets the paste season as punishment. God uses it as protection. Let's talk about a baby gate. A baby gate isn't there because a child is bad, 

[00:05:00] or at least it shouldn't be there for that reason. If it is, that's like, that's a whole different podcast episode. It's not there because she hasn't proven herself yet.

It's not there because she's failing it, growing. It's there because the parent is faithful. A baby gate says. I see what you can't yet see. I know what could hurt you before you're ready. I've committed to your safety while you grow. 

Paste isn't about movement, it's about connection.  It's the part of the process where separate pieces are being joined together in a way that will actually hold. 

Oh, that hits me deeply. Because again, we also talked about foundation. He is creating a strong foundation. Paste doesn't look productive, but without it, nothing lasts.

[00:06:00] And here's the truth. Perfectionism hates, but Grace loves.  A child cannot grow faster by trying harder.

Growth happens by time. By nurturing and by safety and by relationship. God does not withhold blessings to test your worthiness. He prepares you because he intends to bless you. Delay is not evaluation and waiting is not disqualification.

So, if you're in a season right now where things feel sticky and progress feels slow, or where you're tempted to believe you've done something wrong, maybe consider this possibility.

What if God isn't withholding from you? What if he's holding you? What if this season isn't about correction at all, but about closeness. It teaches you to stay when there's no feedback, to trust when there's no 

[00:07:00] applause, and to remain rooted when nothing looks impressive yet.And that is not a setback, that's formation because anyone can sprint when there's adrenaline, but only trust sustains a journey.

 Okay, so that's where the second parable begins to whisper. 

Think about groceries. They're necessities. They're not optional. They're what sustains life, but they can also be heavy at times and awkward and exhausting to carry for long distances. And sometimes what feels like delay is actually God stepping in and saying, “Hey, you don't have to carry this part.” 

I think that's the part that stopped me in my tracks once again. And I do mean once again! He had to remind me that I have been trying to carry everything.

I'm just such a producer. You know, we perfectionists, we know how 

[00:08:00] to perform, we know how to produce, we know how to get it done. But He had to show me and remind me that I have been trying to carry everything. I think there's a subtle, sometimes subconscious lie that perfectionists believe… things like, if I don't carry it, I must not care.  Or if I don't manage it, everything's going to fall apart. Or if I let go, I'm being irresponsible somehow. 

But faith doesn't mean carrying more. It means trusting more and surrendering more. It makes me think of the scripture in 1Corinthians 3:7,8 where Paul says, I have planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase.  So then neither is he that planted anything, neither he that watereth, but God that giveth the increase. 

God has never asked you or me to own the outcome, 

[00:09:00] only to walk with Him and focus on the activities he asked of me. That's the difference between effort and ownership. Effort says, I'll be faithful today, ownership says I'm responsible for how this turns out. Only one of those produces peace. 

So, when God said, let me carry the groceries, He wasn't calling me to passivity, He was inviting me to partnership because partnership doesn't mean doing nothing -- it means doing what's yours and letting God do what's His.

And for a perfectionist, that distinction is everything because many of us have confused maturity with independence. We assume growth means needing God less, but in the kingdom, maturity actually looks like deeper dependence. 

[00:10:00] Jesus said in John 15:5, “apart from Me, you can do nothing. Not as a threat.  Again, an invitation. An invitation to stop carrying what was never meant to be yours. 

So, what does it actually look like to move forward after a paste season? It looks like doing the next right thing without demanding proof.  It looks like obedience without urgency. It looks like showing up without gripping the outcome.

It looks like asking different questions…not “is this working yet?”, but am I walking with God today? Not…”when is this going to finally pay off?” But Lord, “what are you forming in me right now?” And not, “should I push harder?” but “what are you already carrying for me?” Because when you stop carrying the outcomes, you make room for peace.

[00:11:00] And when peace returns, clarity often follows. If you're in a season right now that still feels slow, hidden, unresolved, I want you to hear this clearly.  You are not being punished. Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't take a deep look within and make sure you're not willfully turning on God in some way that's causing division between you and Him.

But if you're doing all that you know how to do, with as much faith as you know how you're not being punished, you're not being tested for worthiness, you're not being overlooked, you are being formed for something that needs to last, and God is not asking you to hurry. And I know that's a tough one. That is probably my biggest challenge.

[00:12:00] He is asking you to walk with Him. 

So, here's a gentle question to sit with this week. What groceries have you been carrying that God's inviting you to hand back to Him?  And you don't have to solve everything today, and you don't have to prove anything this week. And you don't have to rush what God is slowly building.

Paste takes time, and you may need to revisit this several times until your mind is renewed and you can fully embrace this new perspective. Trust often grows in these kinds of season and and so does maturity. He's helping us to grow into spiritual adulthood, which is a really good thing, even if it doesn't always feel like it in the moment.

Sis, I wanna thank you for walking through this series with me. I wanna remind you that my book, You Will Make Mistakes, establishes a very strong foundation of God's heart and perspective regarding perfectionism. So, if you love a good highlighter 

[00:13:00] and a pen, this is the kind of book that will end up dog-eared and underlined and gently argued with in the margins in the best way.

And if you want help identifying where perfectionism is still asking you to carry too much, take the grace scale quiz. You're gonna find the link in the show notes. And I promise every person who has taken it inevitably is surprised.

I would like to pray over you in just a moment, but I do want to let you know if you can relate to the “perfectionist pendulum” -- that's where one minute you're doing things right and the next minute you're condemning yourself for being a complete failure -- make sure you tune into the next episode where we find out what might be behind that crazy and exhausting dynamic.

Okay sis, let's just take a moment and let's talk to our Papa God.

[00:14:00] God, I am, uh, just am amazed at how real and gracious you are. You're so much more tender than we realize, and I'm so grateful that we can stop what we're doing and no matter where we are. And we can turn to You. I'm so thankful, God, that with You all things are possible. I'm so thankful that when You look down upon us, it makes you smile and that is really your heart.

And Father, you are not a God without compassion. You are able to sympathize with us in all parts, yet You are without sin. God, you know the exact age each of us are spiritually. You know what we've had to deal with in life. You know what all led to the belief systems that we have inside of us. You are the perfect Father.

You know, the perfect recipe, the perfect diagnosis, 

[00:15:00] the perfect medicine, how much we need when we need it. Your heart is not for condemnation, it's for restoration. And as hard as it is for us to wait on you, I trust that you can help us be redeemed through it so that our interpretation of your timing and of your decisions and of your guardrails would not be that we've done something wrong, but that you are very carefully guiding us and protecting us because you have just an amazing outcome and story.

You are forming in each one of our lives. You're fully aware of what you're doing. You're not confused, you're not concerned. You're taking your time so that what you're building will be built upon the rock and not upon the sand. Father, thank you for your compassion and forgiveness 

[00:16:00] toward our unbelief and doubt and fear and worry, and I pray, Father, for every listener, that your anointing will bring these words to life for them.

Father, that you would anoint this episode in such a special way that something is reignited in their hearts and minds and that they would be relieved of any pressure that the enemy has brought that is not of Uou. There's a, there's a healthy pressure from You that's meant to produce the good wine, just like the threshing floor, but then there is a unhealthy pressure that has condemnation and, and unhealthy things tied to it, Father. And so, I just release our listener from the unhealthy and I, I just pray that you will usher in your life and ignite something in the ears of the listeners today. 

[00:17:00] Something that helps them believe that with You, all things are possible…it's not too late to keep going, to keep putting one foot in front of the other, to trust in the principle of obedience, and not fear the timeline and not fear the outcome. Father, I thank you for every one of our listeners. I thank you for this platform. I thank you for the gifts inside all of us.

I thank you for the ways in which you are maturing the body of Christ. Keep us, Lord, keep us in truth. Keep us in the way of truth and in the way of Your life and your authenticity, Father. We love you, God, and we thank you in the mighty, mighty name of Jesus. Amen.

Leneé: