Mystical Misfits with Courtney and Phil
Welcome to The Mystical Misfits, a journey into the heart of mysticism, self-discovery, and spiritual connection. Here, we believe that everyone has the power to be their own mystic, as they begin to trust their intuition, embrace their own unique path, and recognize that we are all divinely connected to each other and to the universe.
In each episode, we explore the deeper layers of spiritual life, from the transitting sky above, energy work, and human experience. Our goal is to help you feel loved, supported, and seen by the cosmos, as we all align with the rhythms of the planets and the wisdom of your own soul.
Whether you're new to mysticism or a seasoned seeker, The Mystical Misfits invites you to tune in, relax, and connect with a community of kindred spirits. Let's decode the stars, tap into our highest selves, and embrace the magic that’s always around us.
Come as you are, and let's make sense of the mystical world together.
Mystical Misfits with Courtney and Phil
Opening Hearts in Hard Times
What happens when we find ourselves suddenly angry or reactive during intense cosmic weather? Phil and Courtney dive deep into the emotional undercurrents that drive our behaviors, exploring how anger often signals unmet needs rather than actual problems with others.
Through vulnerable personal stories -they reveal how our emotional triggers connect to deeper patterns. "If I'm angry about something," Courtney shares, "it's usually because it's something I want that I don't have."
The conversation takes a fascinating turn into shadow work – that challenging process of confronting the parts of ourselves we'd rather ignore. Phil describes his journey from resistance to revelation: "It gets darker and darker, but then it becomes lighter and lighter, because there is an element of self-love there." Their honest exchange offers practical wisdom for anyone struggling with self-criticism or repetitive emotional patterns.
This intimate conversation serves as both comfort and catalyst – reassuring listeners they're not alone in their struggles while offering genuine tools for transformation. As Phil and Courtney demonstrate through their own vulnerability, the path to peace begins with facing ourselves with compassion rather than judgment
hi, phil, so nice to see you and whoever else is watching or listening to us.
Speaker 2:What a nice gift to be here with you yes, thanks, nice to see you, courtney it's so hard to be human sometimes, you know and this week is going to be and this week is going to be eventful. I think all the all the cosmic weather seems to indicate that it will be emotional and maybe not in a good way and maybe not in a good way, and I certainly am feeling that impulsiveness. You know to speak without thinking and to be angry in a way. That's really, when I think about it, not really justified, but I immediately go there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that's such an interesting word anger. I find that we're that anger is just coming up for a lot of us and me, including myself, right, just, and I find it so interesting that you said that being so careful with our words and how words can hurt somebody or could hurt, or how we could hurt each other without even really being conscious of it or aware of it, and that and we're supposed to bring up anger in each other. I mean, that is just the beauty of relationships, so I'm sorry if I ever make you angry.
Speaker 2:No, I don't recall. I don't recall that you ever have, but I think a lot of it is self-generated within me. It's my response to things. You know, if, if I'm, if I'm, if my disposition is testy to begin with, then anything will be a trigger, and I mean anything will be a trigger and I mean anything, whereas if I change my outlook, those things don't bother me at all. And it's interesting that you mentioned how important words are, because once they're out, they're kind of out there, and I find myself now thinking about things I've said years ago and asking myself why did I say that? What was I thinking?
Speaker 1:And you know you want to take these things back, you know. But I think something can I?
Speaker 1:can I give you another, another thought on it? Maybe maybe we're playing roles in each other's lives and what we're saying is exactly, maybe it was for the other person. You ever say something and you're like, why am I saying this? It doesn't even sound like me, but somehow I'm saying it this way and and so maybe we're all. I always say we're players in each other's play, we're characters in each other's roles and somehow, even though it was probably not the highest way to say something, maybe, maybe that other person needed you to say that to them.
Speaker 2:I'm sure you're right, but I do know of times. This is when I was younger, when, you know, I used a sharp tongue when it wasn't necessary and it's definitely Mars energy Cause I felt like I was doing battle. You know, I need to get the last word in, or at least I want to use the word that will I, I don't know cut the deepest to use margin, mars energy, and I didn't, you know.
Speaker 1:Well, but maybe, maybe, maybe I'm just saying maybe, maybe that we have karmic stuff with people and so there's underlining anger in some ways or maybe you were angry about something else, but then it came across that you were angry about that, and maybe you were angry at that person because it was easy to. Maybe you were angry about something else, but then it came across that you were angry about that, and maybe you were angry at that person because it was easy to. Maybe it is easy to be angry at that person, maybe that was a safe person to be angry at and that's, but then somehow that was happening for them too. I mean, I think there is something interesting about noticing where we're angry, and usually it's not at the people we're getting angry at.
Speaker 2:Right, that can be that that's shadow stuff and that can be really uncomfortable, to put it mildly. To pursue that thought More in a deeper way, I mean, I for me, that's where I have to really become strong and brave and look, look at that, and I've been. I've been able to do that now for a while, whereas before, when I heard the word shadow, I shut down because I just either didn't want to understand it or felt like I didn't know what it was about or it didn't apply to me. But again, those were all blocks that I was putting up immediately, so I didn't have to look at those things. I didn't have to look at those things.
Speaker 2:But I can tell you, as I do, kind of process through them very slowly, you know, it gets darker and darker, but then it becomes lighter and lighter, because I think there is a self, an element of self-love there, right? Sometimes I think, yeah, okay, that's something that's scary to look at, you know, but don't turn away, keep looking at it. And then I ask myself if you believe that, do you see a pattern, right? And if I do see a pattern, that's a little bit shocking for me, right, because that's a big revelation, because there's a pattern, then you know it's difficult to brush it aside or put it on somebody else, right? And that's where it gets very uncomfortable, right, because I want to step away from it.
Speaker 2:But as I confront it, you know, it's almost like I can then embrace it and not feel uncomfortable about it and say, you know, I'm a human being, I'm in a school room called planet earth and this is some karmic lesson that I must learn. And if I, if I can embrace it and embody it right and and say, okay, this is where my shadow is kind of making itself known, I don't have to be afraid of it, I don't have to run from it, I don't have to look there and there and point fingers and I don't have to be afraid of it, I don't have to run from it, I don't have to look there and there and point fingers and I don't have to do any of that. And that's where it feels like what people say about shadow work is you know, if you really embrace it and deal with it, you can get to the other side of it feeling much more whole.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, and I think what's interesting is you're talking about something that takes a lot of courage and it's so brave, and we're really being asked to look at our. We're actually being asked right now to like look at our own relationships, the relationships we have. What's making us angry? What do we want instead of that? And if there's anger, it's usually because there's something that's not right. Right, there's something that we're not getting. And I'll say you talk about this period of time of loving ourselves, and so if we don't love ourselves, we're going to see examples of situations that really hurt us, right, the outside is going to really hurt us, and so we're being really asked to understand what we want. But I think the anger, for instance, let's say, the shadow side. If you're angry about something, you're usually angry about something because it's something you want that you don't have, and so if I'm angry, I used to be very.
Speaker 1:I'll tell you a story I used to be very angry at my husband I'm not anymore, not for years about this but when I first had children. So this is a 24. So my oldest daughter is 20, it's going to be 25. So it was 24 years ago and my husband would not come home for dinner on time, like you'd be home at seven and if you have kids, the witching hours really hard and I really would get so angry and I wanted him home. I wanted him home. It was very, very, very important for me and it's very funny now because it's 24 years later. 25 years later and each kid it's so important that we eat dinner together and I trained them to know that and he's, by the way, it took a little while years. I'm sorry, dave, I'm so sorry of me being angry, of saying this is what I really, but instead this is what I need. I need you home by six and whatever else you're doing. This is really important to me because I'm just it hurts too much for me not to have that and he did. He. He knew, he knew I needed that, and but I'll say it took a lot of courage to ask.
Speaker 1:It could have been easier for me to be angry and ignore that, that feeling of being angry, but I got what I wanted and I think that's what the message is. If I'm angry at something, what's the underlining thing? And now I'm serious. My youngest is always like we have to have dinner, like when our each kid left. They're like. She's like it's so important to me. We have to have dinner together, we have to do this and it is. It's to me, it's really important and I've taught my family that, and everyone has something that's important to them. But I think what's when we're angry? It's because we're not getting something that we actually really want. And that is a shadow right. It's like the little voice in your head that says I want to be seen, I want to be appreciated, I want to be loved. You know I need this from you, but do we have the courage to ask people for what we need? Most of the time, you know not so much.
Speaker 2:Yes, I find it interesting that you remember that, because it's not an unusual request at all or a high expectation by any means, but it sounds to me like you had to. You ruminated about it a lot and ruminated about it some more, and then finally you put your foot down and said this is what I want. But you, you had to go through that process, so you didn't just come right out and say it directly. It was, it was, it was churning inside. You know, there was this emotional connection to it, like what?
Speaker 1:I think I was fighting with him. I don't think I was ch turning. I think I was having argument. I was fighting. I was Mars right, Fighting with him about something that. But instead of fighting with him, how do I, how did I turn it around to then see what it was within me that I needed? But you're right, I mean I was ruminating I would get. So I can't believe. I'm remembering this too. I'm remembering a lot of weird I'm going. You said something so interesting. You said you were having a lot of memories of words. I'm remembering so many things of who I used to be, who I was, and then where I'm at now and like I could cry because it's like wow, I mean I. It's a little shocking to me how much I've grown and how much I have faced and how brave I've been, even though most days I'm like did I, did anything change.
Speaker 2:It's so. It's so great that you did that, cause that's it, that's it, that's checking in, you know, and that's a really good thing to do because I know just what you mean. Really good thing to do, because I know just what you mean, when I give myself a few minutes and I check in that way and think about who I was, the things I've done, the places I've been, the situations I've been in and where I am, that's where I get a big shot of gratitude. So if I'm having where I get a big shot of gratitude, so if I'm having, if I'm feeling small and angry and frustrated, if I think on that, that clears it up pretty fast.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a nice way to see, like where I've cut you, where you've come from to where you are. It was interesting. You know what's been coming up for me and I wonder if it's been happening for you at all, if you, if you, ever have ever felt this. So I'm never. I feel very good alone. I spent a lot of time alone. I really like being alone, but I was remembering how lonely I used to be, like I now, by the way, it's like you didn't come home for dinner.
Speaker 1:I'm fine, right, I'm thrilled I don't have to make no judgment. I don't have to make no judgment. I don't have to make it wait, right, I can just eat cheese and crackers and I'm not responsible for anyone. So now, that's not the same thing. I'm in a different part of my life. I I love when I have someone to have dinner with, but I'm not lonely anymore and I think part of of when, when I, before I, had children, I, I think I was lonely, yeah and that that's something I don't feel anymore, and I'm very blessed that I've had my girls and not even that they're here.
Speaker 1:It just is knowing that that I'm not alone.
Speaker 2:Sure, I mean children, that's. You'll never. You'll never feel that way with children.
Speaker 1:I don't know that, but did you ever feel lonely? Was that anything that you ever experienced, or no?
Speaker 2:Looking back, yes, definitely. Yes, I would have to say that, or I. What I will say is that when I was in my twenties, I had a real need to be socializing all the time. I mean all the time. I think that's that has something. That was a way to avoid loneliness, I think you know uh and also avoid yourself, right, right.
Speaker 2:And also it's that age as well, but I think that I was. It's that age as well, but I think that I was. You know, I ran in different circles. I was always out, always making plans, very much a planner and you know, renting summer homes and throwing parties, things like that is. That was really an important part.
Speaker 1:Where were your summer homes In Long.
Speaker 2:Beach. We would my friends and I would just rent homes in Long Beach and Long Island. It was close to the city and you know, it was easy for us to commute from work in Manhattan, so it wasn't the Hamptons, but it was perfect for us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and maybe I think in your 20s you're not supposed to be alone, right? I mean, that's when I was. It's interesting that you're saying that because that's when I felt lonely, like that's my early 20s that I felt and I was like, wow, this is really amazing and I did. I felt very lonely, no-transcript. Then, when we get much older, I think the social people really matter and we're meant to have relationships with people yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:I certainly I, I know that feeling of loneliness and I, I certainly have it, felt it in quite some time. You know I have I have, you know, times like moments, or like a couple of hours in the afternoon where I might feel like that, but it doesn't have the same uh, it doesn't have any fear attached to it. I, I actually like it, you know it's, you know it allows me to relax, first of all, and do the things that I want to do.
Speaker 1:And another thing that is coming up for people are people's fears. Right Like we're, we're in this Venus retrograde and it's it's all about. It is about what are you also fearful about, and so it is interesting to think about like, what scares you? Like what does scare you around relationships and around love?
Speaker 2:I think you know I, as you know, I've got a lot of 12th house energy. I just think my disposition just leans towards solitude.
Speaker 1:Okay, what scares you about love? Okay, here, or you could ask me, or so let's say, if we went more to ourself, right, like if it was all about ourselves, like what's what's our own fear for ourselves? Like, I've been thinking a lot about my, my desire for people to like me right, a very Venus word. And yet you can't always get people to like you. You can do everything that you think that you do right and that they still might not like you. So that's been something I've been with my own Venus work. I've been really trying to know my own worth and my own value and like myself enough to say well, if you like me, I thank you, and if you don't like me, that's okay too. So, is there any fear? Has any fear or anything come up for you over the last week or so?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I, you know. Again, it's I'm a people pleaser. I'm a people pleaser and I not. That you know, it worked for me in my career. But it's not something that I admire necessarily. I, you know, I admire people who are bold, who, you know, have that fiery energy and know themselves so well that they're really that other people's opinion of them does not hold as much weight. It's still important to them. I think it's always important to everybody, all the time. But there are just some people who don't, you know, don't use that as a screen. They just say what's on their mind and they do. They'll share, they'll tell you what that is, knowing that they might alienate a lot of people, but they, but they do it, yeah.
Speaker 1:I think there's something about that. It's like the lower side of Libra energy, of like you just do things or you can. I think that's actually a great question, right, like if you're really asking yourself a great question right now is am I just doing something to make someone else happy or am I actually wanting to do this? I mean, this is really profound, right. Like in some ways, at this moment in time, am I saying yes to make someone else happy, which you can't make anyone happy anyway, or am I doing it because I really want to?
Speaker 2:do it.
Speaker 1:And I think that's the question. You should everyone should be asking about everything they're doing. Why are they doing it? Like? I'm doing this podcast because I really like you, Phil, and I was like, oh my God, I really want it, I want to be with you and I also want to share time with you, but I also think we can have these amazing conversations and we could put it out in the world and somehow someone will find it and and it'll help them right. Maybe not feel so lonely, maybe have the courage to love themselves anyway, maybe to know that they're divinely perfect.
Speaker 2:Right, and you know again, libra energy has a lot to do with keeping the peace which, if it's used skillfully, is an absolutely beautiful attribute. Skillfully is an absolutely beautiful attribute, but if keeping the peace means that you're sacrificing yourself or you're not having your needs met, then that is not a skillful use of that energy. And that's where, that's where your anger will bubble up, you know if you'll try to keep it down, but it will express itself somehow, you know, maybe in the most unexpected ways, but it will.
Speaker 1:Oh, I think it. I think I think it really will right now. And what makes me think about what you just said is that it's going back into Pisces and what's going to be an interesting thing is our own boundaries right. Like, if our boundaries aren't, if we don't nurture ourselves, if we don't take care of ourselves, if we don't do that work, that inner work, we are going to then be very angry because it's going to go back in and it's and there's where people can want to fight with you. So, but you know, it takes two to fight.
Speaker 1:I say Right If you're not willing to fight with someone. It doesn't really work Right. I think I'm not going to fight with someone. It doesn't really work right. I think I'm not gonna fight with anybody. I decided I I'm not. I you know.
Speaker 2:If you want to fight with me, I just I'll say I'm sorry right I don't need to be right yeah, oh, I, I, I'm the same way, but I think there's lots of self anger too, like there's. There's anger that you can hold inside yourself, that you can't release it because it has to do with you, right? So you might funnel it here and there, but it doesn't dissipate, because that self anger has to be addressed through changing your behavior or changing your thoughts.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, well, in our thoughts I mean, we're talking about a time where our mind, we are our worst enemy the thoughts we have about ourselves, what we should be doing or what we could have done, or even no judgment bill, but even how you, I love you. But even how you said well, I should have said it differently that I can't believe how sharp a tongue I was, and there's a judgment of yourself.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:Right, it's like well, I should have done it better. Well, maybe not. Maybe it was exactly how it was supposed to be.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And that this present moment is where we're at and all we could do is, if we make a mistake, we could say I'm sorry. Or if you hurt someone's feelings, you could say you're sorry. That doesn't mean you have to go along with what they want you to do. I think there's the difference, right. I can say I'm sorry to somebody if I've done something to hurt them, but that I have to really decide well, am I going to play along still? Am I going to still? I don't know? That's a good question, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But, yeah, boundaries, I think. I think we're in boundaries with our own mind, like what are you saying to yourself? What are you saying to yourself, what do you say to yourself?
Speaker 2:You're not going to want to tell Courtney now, you know well. Well, it depends, would depend on what the situation is, you know.
Speaker 1:Well, I'll tell you, I was like, looking at my hair and I'm like my hair is back today and I have the backing, and I was like, oh God, I don't like my hair. And it's amazing, right, you look very pretty. It's amazing how hard we are on ourselves, right? It's like so hard on ourselves.
Speaker 2:Yes, Yep Exactly.
Speaker 1:Are you hard on yourself? Yeah, oh. Oh. Here's my daughter. Can you get, because cowboy wants to see you. Okay, we have a dog and then my little daughter's home, can you? Now you have to take him out with you because now now cowboy once he's barking because he hears the kids around. So he used to just go take his nap and be very happy, and now the kids are all around. I want to be with them. I want to be with them. So he's angry and barking because he's telling you what he wants. I think, deep down, when someone gets angry at you, they're actually telling you what they really want.
Speaker 2:Yes, but unlike people, people, the dog doesn't have any um breaks, any and any mental breaks that would prevent him from barking. Like what if the dog said well, what if I bark too loud and if I upset people? Or you know, they get it. They don't have that, they don't have any yeah, there's no mind.
Speaker 2:That's driving them crazy right, exactly, it's just they're just communicating and doing it and not thinking twice about it, without any regrets, you know, and they're getting what they want yeah, and I really think, I actually think we can all get what we want If we're, if we're, if we are honest about what we want, I actually believe that.
Speaker 1:I believe we're at a time where everyone I actually think everyone can be happy and everyone can get what they want If they understand. I think our biggest mistake in general in life is that we don't know what we want. We can't get what we want. And so if I don't know what I want, like if I don't know what I want, like if I didn't know that I wanted to have dinner with somebody every night, that was something that was important to me, then I wouldn't get it. Or if I was lonely, then maybe I wanted to share my time with someone, right, and there's like these gifts in that uncomfortableness of the desire, like the dog, but the brain, the mind, the mind is really a night. Now it's expanding our thoughts or could really drive us absolutely crazy. Thank God, mine or not, by the way, I would just like to say I've worked very hard to quiet my mind.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, it's, but it's um it's a practice. It's, and it's ongoing it's. You know you never achieve ultimate success because it's. You have to be constantly diligent about that Right, and you can. You can have mastery for sure, absolutely, but it's not something that you know, you turn a switch on and it remains that way. I think it just requires daily intention and focus, because we we get hit with examples of of how you know, our minds work with, with us or against us every day.
Speaker 1:You know what I do, and it's a trick that I think is it might sound a little, it might sound a little dreary to people, but it really does work for me. So if, if I had like four days left to live, would this matter Like well, how would I respond? Right, I think it changes the whole. It makes me stay present and it makes me see from a different perspective. It makes me see from a broader perspective, so it keeps me I actually think it keeps my mind sane, like I'm not. I I very much know I'm going to live a very long time and I'm going to pray for that, but I could also know that my life is so precious and then in a moment's time it could change, and if this was it, what would matter, how would I handle things? And so it does keep me out of my mind a lot. I don't know if you've ever tried that.
Speaker 2:It seems very dark, but it's actually like saved my mind long time ago I couldn't find a piece of luggage and I was traveling and I left the luggage somewhere and it wasn't there and I was. Things like that trigger me so much because it it it has something to do with not feeling secure. Never mind that the item is missing, it's like it takes away my feeling of security. Anyhow, it triggers all kinds of things in my mind and I was having a fit. But then I stopped and told myself is this going to? Are you even going to remember this a year from now? Is this thing that's taken up all the space in your head and making you miserable? Is it gonna even be an? Will it even be a distant memory a year from now? And I told myself of course it's not going to be important a year from now. So let things unfold and you know it'll be okay. Luggage is a missing. Luggage is not the end of the world.
Speaker 1:So I think it's what you, I think I keep on thinking about. What a great example. Right now. It's like you think you should be able to control that. It's like right and what you can. It's like right and, but you can. It's like you can't control it, and I think something about losing control. I mean, that does. It feels like like it might seem like a small thing, but you feel like you're losing control, like right and where, and where to go. I mean, did you ever find the luggage?
Speaker 2:no, no, I didn't, but I found out what happened to it. You know a roommate, you know.
Speaker 1:What you can't control Exactly.
Speaker 2:The roommate's girlfriend, something I don't even. Anyhow, like I said, this was years ago. And now this thing that was uppermost in my mind and caused me a total meltdown I don't even remember the details now you know caused me a total meltdown. I don't even remember the details, now you know, but I remember the, the, the emotion and that feeling of feeling losing control and, you know, not having the answer to the missing thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and did it make you? It was, and I wonder, did it make you angry? Was the? Did anger come up?
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, just like I wanted to shake my fists at the universe. You know it was. You know I wasn't accusing anybody, I had no idea what happened to it, but I, you know, I felt like all right, this is. This is some kind of terrible punishment for something that I don't even know what I did. So I don't know. It's just, and I think maybe another person in the same situation would say oh man, I thought I left it there. Maybe I didn't. I'll just borrow somebody else's luggage.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know. I think more people are like you than you think. I think that's what I think. More I more. I think. Yes, there are people like that, but I think they're far and few between. I think people are very much. That would bother me too, and I know that it would bother a lot of people. I know too just this, this idea that something should be somewhere and it's not. And what am I going to do next and how? Moment my husband. I've been talking a lot about being annoyed, right Like there was a guy that parked sideways, like in the parking spot, and he was really annoyed. I'm like well, why are you annoyed? Who cares?
Speaker 1:And he's like so annoyed, he's like anyone would care. I'm like, no, I don't think most people. But well, I'll say, I always say to him it's because you're annoyed and so outside world is making you annoyed and showing you examples, right, and it's okay. But yes, I think more people would be more bothered than you think. And yet I wouldn't be bothered by the car, right, like that didn't bother me at all. Other things bother me, but I get it. He was like well, that's kind of jerky, right, like if you have someone parking sideways, they're not thinking of the other person. I'm like, but okay, who cares? So it didn't bother me and it did bother him. So it is interesting to airing out all our dirty laundry today. Phil, right, I think you'd be surprised how many people hey, you should respond if it would bother you in the comments about the luggage. That would bother me because I want to go away, I want to have my stuff packed. It's my thing, think about it. Right, it's mine. And now someone took it and didn't ask.
Speaker 2:Right, right. So I needed to use my mind to come up with a solution rather than dwell in the emotionalness of it, because if I just dwell there then I'm not See, the emotion will hijack the thought, like your ability to make a plan. So that's where you have to. There's this thing where you you know, I read a lot of horoscopes, and the printed ones, the ones online. I just I like to get kind of an overall picture and see what people are saying, how they're interpreting things, and a theme that's coming up is one of. You know, you're going to, you're going to feel emotions come up, you know they, and you might be surprised by them and they not, might not be pleasant.
Speaker 2:So the advice across the board has been you know, give yourself 15 seconds or give yourself a little bit of time so that you can process through the emotion and get back to thinking. And I think that's, you know, that's something I'm going to use and I actually have. I it has helped me. You know, it's just just not to react right away, even even if you feel justified. You know, even if you're indignant and you want to let off steam, you know sometimes when you do that and it feels good for a second, like to get it off your chest thing, where you feel like, wow, maybe I should have taken a step back and given myself 15 seconds and approached it a little bit more logically and less emotionally. It's hard to do these things when you're in the minute of it, you know and you feel really righteous about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well it's like, it's like you ever have like a coach, right? They tell you do not like if you have like a coach or if you have a problem with someone 24 hours, wait 24 hours, because your response will be very, very different than what it was in that moment.
Speaker 1:So you play a game and there's a problem, you wait 24 hours and then you can respond, and you'll respond from a very different place, because it isn't your emotion, but we do. We have these emotions in our body that are. I think, for instance, we have anger in our body somewhere right, and everyone has it, and then, and it's meant to come up, and so when it's when, when it's coming up, there's the gift, and how do we take responsibility for our own anger? And so then it makes you question even do I wait maybe a minute, right? Am I getting angry about something that I'm getting angry always about? And what do I actually want from this person?
Speaker 2:Right, right, right, right. And you know as a driver, you see that all the time where people can act out when they're behind the steering wheel and they behave in a completely different way behind the steering wheel If they would if you were face to face and you know driving is it can be a really tense experience. It's understandable that people feel tense, especially when not everybody is playing by the rules.
Speaker 1:What makes me think about that is now, yes, driving, but what about how people respond to the Internet, right, when you're not showing a face? To then be cruel or mean or speak with sharp tongues when someone doesn't see you much easier to to cut people off. I'll say when they're not your mother, would you cut your mother off? It's a good question, like if your mother's sitting in the car there, would you cut your mother off? Or would you cut your child off? How would you treat people that you love?
Speaker 1:and I wonder if we, if we could treat people. I wonder if we could, if we, we could love ourselves and not to treat people with a little more compassion right now right, and you know it's.
Speaker 2:it's so easy to share your thoughts online. It's almost effortless, right? It takes seconds. But if you see something, you hear something and it really triggers you, then of course you get filled with that fire, mars energy and you feel compelled to tell the world about something. To tell the world about something, and usually those first thoughts are emotional, you know, and they're not really. Again, it's just designed to release the pressure from you when you're just spilling it out there. But it's not. It doesn't ultimately reflect well on you and it doesn't really move the conversation along in any way, and that's why it's it could be, it's it can really impact my energy if I dwell there for too long. I'd much rather watch animal rescue videos on social media, and that's what I do. I have to for my own.
Speaker 1:Wait, what do you watch? That's so cute.
Speaker 2:Animal rescue videos.
Speaker 1:Like what do you mean? Animal?
Speaker 2:I don't know what animal rescue videos are If there's a mama elephant and a baby elephant stuck in a ditch, then people come and they get the baby elephant out first, and then the mama elephant and then they. I know it's amazing. Or a horse is drowning and they get a truck, or pounding and they get a truck, or oh, there's the. The mama bear has three baby bears in the dumpster and the pickup truck comes with a ladder and just drops Like there's one video where the pickup truck backs into the dumpster and from the back of the pickup truck they just put the ladder into the dumpster and drive away. So if the mama bear comes back and the three little baby bears take the, use the ladder to get out of the dumpster, they're stuck in. There's so many of them and they're so intense, so innate.
Speaker 1:right the nurturing is so innate. The desire to save other people and to help other people. Right, I think. Well, animals right. And you can't?
Speaker 2:I think it's so interesting you can't, but you can watch these videos of how loving Right, but these are people who are get out of their cars and jump into a frozen lake to save a deer or an eagle, it's people, not animals, saving other animals.
Speaker 2:No, it's people saving the animals, people, not animals saving other animals. No, it's people saving the animals. So they'll go into a sewer and rescue a puppy, and these, these are just people, pedestrians, or people on their bicycles. They just happen to see an animal in distress, or you know, you see lines of people are so good.
Speaker 1:I think it's so great it's reminding that people are so good. Yeah, I think it's so great to reminding that people are so good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's great. It's great, it's very intense to watch it because you have to share one with me.
Speaker 1:You're rooting.
Speaker 2:I'll find one for you. But you're rooting for these people to hurry up and rescue the animal, and they always do. It's always successful. But it's not. It's, it's absolutely not staged, it's, it's these. These animals are in real distress. You know there are foxes who are tied up in cords, or you know a wolf and a bear trap, all of it.
Speaker 1:So that's. I think that's such a. I think it's so important what you're saying because it's so instinctual. They know what they want. They want to save the animal Right, and so it's very clear. And then you know what it wants. And I think it goes back to the whole message of if we know what we want, we can get what we want. And I bet you, most of the times those people are very successful at saving the animal. It is like the mom that could lift the car up and it doesn't make any sense. They know what they want.
Speaker 1:It's like that once the baby, I want the deer, I want the bear to be safe and I'm going to do everything I can to get that and I think that's a great. I think what you just said is a great metaphor for exactly where we're at and probably why you watch the video.
Speaker 2:There's one where these people, just strangers, formed a human chain and they went all this way down this I guess, gully of some kind. They held each other's hand and the last guy grabbed the dog and they just like they whipsawed, they acted like a whip, a human whip, and they whipped themselves back up to the to safety. Really, really great stuff. So that's. I love that.
Speaker 1:I, what do I watch? I don't know what I watch. I watch like I don't know. I've been watching, you know, robert Greene. I've been watching a lot of his short videos. He, he, he wrote a book, oh, it's great. It's called the 48 laws of power. And he he's great, by the way, you watch his videos. I really like him. He just talks about, he talks about actually, the importance of your mind, but he talks about doing quick things, doing it intentionally. I don't even know what it is. He talks about power, I mean the 48 laws of power, and how to, I actually think, have power over yourself, right, and if you can have power over yourself, then you'll, you will. You don't really, you don't really need that. You don't hurt as hurt as much.
Speaker 2:You're kind of an autonomous driven, driven well, person so if you can, you know, embody self-love and really live with it and breathe it, and it's, it's not even a question, then you are. Nothing can hurt you. Really. You're not gonna going to, you're not going to get, you're not going to react when you hear certain things. You're not going to feel defensive or threatened. You know all of those things. Wouldn't it be great just to be unburdened from that?
Speaker 1:Oh, I, I, my heart, I, it's my dream, I, I asked for, I asked for myself to like myself enough to it's. I always think of this example If you know the sky is blue, it doesn't matter if everyone else says it's orange, you know the sky is blue, you don't have to be defensive, you don't have to fight with anyone, you don't have to react because you know it in your heart. And if I, if I always, if I love myself enough right, if I really love myself enough and you said, well, you're worthless, or you, you're a hard person, it wouldn't bother me at all, because I know I'm not and I do know I'm not. But yet still, the words, the words hurt, right. When someone says something about you that's not true, it's like you want to get your defenses up. But if you know it's really not true, then why do you care?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Good question. But and may I love myself enough? I keep on, I ask, I ask every day. I'm like may I love myself enough to be kind to who I am? Because I wouldn't say it If I wouldn't say it to you. Why should I say it to myself If I?
Speaker 2:wouldn't say it to you. Why should I say it to myself? Mm? Hmm, yeah, so the best thing anybody can do for themselves is to, you know, really work on themselves and spend being hard on myself. Am I, am I laying guilt on myself for no reason why? And it's it's kind of tragic that these things are going in on inside other people's heads that we interact with every day and we have no idea that they're they're dealing with anguish of some kind. 24, 7.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I had a lot of people right. It's like I guilt is such a big word and I find that so many people have guilt for past and I go back to this right, we really can't change the past and so feeling guilty doesn't really help anything. What we can do is, if we do feel bad about something or if we feel guilt, all we have is this moment and we can be different and we can apologize. I keep on saying that, right, but I'll say to you, guilt is, it is a sin to feel guilt. I think I don't know if that's a word, but I do think it's a sin to feel guilt, because it doesn't really get you anywhere, right.
Speaker 2:And if you were to know that a friend was going through the same kind of internal difficulties or blocks that you are having, what would you tell your friend? You would tell your friend you know you were so loved, you're so wonderful, you make my life amazing and you know I can't tell you how much I admire you. You have so many great qualities, so why?
Speaker 1:can't worthy.
Speaker 2:You're so worthy why can't turn that to ourselves? You would do that to your friend. Just do the same thing for yourself as you would for a friend, because it's completely sincere when you're telling your friend you know, please don't feel that way. I don't see that you couldn't. You couldn't be more wrong that you're not looking at this. You're completely wrong. You're looking at this, all wrong. I've done that for my friends all the time and it's shocking when they tell me these things, like they've tell me well, I'm insecure about that and I I think what? How? I don't, I never saw that, never thought. I thought you were loved it and this was you do so well. And so why can't we do that to ourselves as well? Like, why can't we just be like the best coach in the world to ourselves and turn it around?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and to know we're great. I mean we are really. I keep on thinking that we are really great, like, as humans, we're great and it is our job to know it. I think that is all. I think we're born, and I think it's our whole journey is to come back to this, knowing that we are, we are great and we might have done things that aren't great, but that's okay too. I mean, it's part of learning, right? So, yeah, like I love what you said, bill, how could we be so much more? How could we all know our worth and speak to ourselves?
Speaker 2:Right, just as you would to someone that you love.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and if you wouldn't say it out loud to somebody else, you shouldn't be saying it in your head at all. Guilt shame. I think shame is another word, right? That's embarrassment, being embarrassed right.
Speaker 2:That you're different than somebody else right that you're different than somebody else, or that's. It leads to fear and depression and low self-worth and it just like a it can be a real snowball effect.
Speaker 1:Very quickly right now. I mean very, very quickly, right, that immediacy, so it's just like. So, notice what, what I'll say. It's so important to notice. And I you know it's interesting you're saying this, because what I keep thinking about is, sometimes I don't even think we're aware of the words that we are saying to ourselves, right, we're, we're not even aware, and so what you said is going to watch a video will stop that. That it's um, what is it called? When you ruminate the?
Speaker 1:word ruminate makes me think right, and you might not even be aware that we're ruminating, and so by watching the video it would take you away. Or turning on a song and and listening to music. You know what song I'm liking? I'm liking the kate bush song. Do you know that song running up that hill? Oh sure, I'm really liking that song the last couple days, oh yeah I love her.
Speaker 2:She's amazing, but, yeah, so we. So those thoughts are patterns that create grooves in our mind. That's why we keep repeating the same thoughts. That just becomes this channel that gets deeper and deeper. That's what I think, that's what I feel that it becomes like an old friend, like always there, but it's not serving you. It's not. It's, it's creating an obstacle to your happiness and it's.
Speaker 1:The tragedy is it's all mental, it's all internal, it's nothing and it's usually not real, it's not real, I mean the reality of what the mind is or the fears are what you're saying about us. If you ask anybody about yourself, it would be not what they said about you and yet you believe it. Right, it's like it's not. It's not real, it's not real and I will say alcohol.
Speaker 1:I mean, this is another thing that we need to talk about right now. Taking a pill, smoking a joint, drinking alcohol is not going to take it away. I actually think it's gonna make it worse, right, because it's like trying to numb it and it's going the opposite way. So so I'll say be aware of using food to numb yourself, but anything where it's like really numbing and that could be dangerous to yourself right now I would say I would stay conscious of because, it doesn't help it.
Speaker 1:Just you never do that where oh, you know I don't do that anymore, but years ago you're like, oh, I'll just drink, and then I won't feel it. And then you wake up the next day and you're like, oh my God, I don't feel any better. I'm now worse off.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, so that. So that is interesting, though, that people use it to self-medicate. They're trying to relieve themselves of their, their pain, and they think that's going to do it, and it's like a bandaid that you have to rip off the next day and it becomes much more painful. What really has to happen is you have to identify those networks in your mind that keep repeating these same old negative messages and work on changing that to a new thought pattern to create an entirely different neuron network in your mind. So you have to destroy the old pattern and build new ones to replace it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'll say it a little differently because I actually I love what you're saying and I'll say I think another way we could I do I love what you're saying and I'll say another way to look at it is what patterns are happening with you in all, in your outside relationships as well. Because if you could see the pattern like, for instance, I'm not loved, right, or I don't, or people are ignoring me, or people leave, right, or people I feel I feel abandoned, or I feel I feel like people don't appreciate me, whatever those feelings are, right that other people, that other people are bringing up for you, right, the neurons in your head, right, they're. They're patterns as well, and I think you can change those too. Right, it's like they're grooves. I like how you said that they're grooves and I'll say to you so are your relationships and they're the patterns are repeating through the other, through other people too, right now.
Speaker 1:And so, if they are, and you have a feeling, if you could see that feeling and not and not and notice the pattern, cause I do believe patterns are really coming up for everybody, whether it's in our mind or through other people bringing them up for us. So if we made you pissed during this call, you know, or right, or if someone's listening to this and they feel bothered at all. What's bothering you about it? We're bringing up a pattern.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and and again it goes back to what I said earlier, that the very beginning, I think, is like you have to confront it, you have to look at it and it's not pretty thing to look at, you know.
Speaker 1:Oh, I can't say, I do it every day, by the way. Oh, I can't, then I have to take responsibility for it, and I do. I do every day. I sit there and I take response. I actually really do take responsibility for it, but it's hard, it's hard right.
Speaker 2:But if you can look at it and then, but separate the emotion and just look at it, right, and then you're not, you're not running from it, you're not overreacting from it, you're not hiding from it, you're not, you know, reacting emotionally, just looking at it, accept it, you know, and still love yourself and say this is, this is actually a great thing that's happening. I'm learning something that I that was there all the time and I didn't see it, and now I, oh, wow, I do see it.
Speaker 1:Wow, you know and when you could see it, it could change instantly, the moment you're willing to shine the light on the darkness that dark, the moment you took a flashlight and, as you said, shined it on the emotion or the feeling, or the wound or the mind, the moment goes away. There's no darkness anymore.
Speaker 2:The fear is, the fear goes. And then that's when you're that feeling is great, the feeling of busting through that and like it's that light bulb moment, but it, but it's also love.
Speaker 1:Like you feel it, you feel it in yourself, you know yeah, I can feel it just by you saying the word love. It's. It's so loving, it's so loving to yourself, it is so loving to yourself to to face it and to forgive yourself. Too right for whatever, whatever you've done, right, I mean, we're all going to make mistakes and we're all going to.
Speaker 1:We all have the potential and to forgive yourself too right For whatever, whatever you've done, right, I mean, we're all going to make mistakes and we're all going to. We all have the potential to hurt somebody and be hurt.
Speaker 1:So, I am sorry, I actually am very sorry. If anyone that's I actually am sorry for you to you or to myself and to anyone that's listening that if you have felt hurt by somebody else or that you are hurt, I am sorry and you are suffering, I just I want so much for you to know that you're loved.
Speaker 2:And the thing you can't let that fear of possibly being hurt stop you from being having an open heart.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's. It's been an interesting thing because I've been talking a lot somebody about how important it is to actually be brave, to open your heart, because it takes so much courage to love and it's it's like you think you're just supposed to love and it's so easy. It is so not easy to love. You have to really, you have to be willing to get very, you have to be willing to be hurt in order to be loved. You have to be willing to be vulnerable. You have to be willing to, yeah, and I guess maybe even to love yourself. It takes a lot of courage, yeah, so may everyone's heart be a little more open during this beautiful season, a season where we're meant to find joy and peace and love. But we have to understand what it is that we need to do that. I'll say I love you, phil, and I love that you're taking a chance and we're being bold and risking everything or being vulnerable and sharing about ourselves. I love that we're vulnerable.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I love you too, and I love that you've given me the opportunity to vocalize these thoughts that I have, but also, more importantly, to force me to grow. You know that's, that's that's really happening, you know's, and I feel like I'm opening up and I it's, it's, you know, it gives me more confidence, it gives me more strength, it gives, it makes me feel, uh, more solid. You know I'm I, I know myself better because of you, and I know myself better because of you.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you. Well, and I know myself better because of you, so thank you. I know I'll say it takes a lot of courage. Yeah, it's something about courage really, and being our own heroes.
Speaker 1:I think about that often. So I'm just very grateful, and I'm grateful for anyone listening to this and how much I really do know that we're so loved and that I love everybody. Right, if I could get over my own self, I could love everybody. There's not a person that I don't love. It's my own stuff that gets in the way. So it's. May I keep on opening my heart, may you keep on opening your heart. But thank you for letting me open your heart with this call and thank you for being Phil.
Speaker 2:Thank you, Courtney.
Speaker 1:Somehow I feel like everyone that gets to be around you is that much better off. I know so, so thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you, courtney, wonderful.
Speaker 1:I'll see you next week.
Speaker 2:Bye, bye.