Mrs. Miram Israeli; Songs Of Strength

Many of us know the song Ima Tagidi Li. It’s sung in moments of joy, trust, and quiet faith. What most people don’t know is that Mrs. Miriam Israeli wrote this song years earlier, after the birth of her oldest daughter — when her family was still growing, when children were being added one by one — a time when the thought that she would one day bury a child simply did not exist. But the unthinkable eventually became her reality.

Throughout his illness, and after his petirah, Mrs. Israeli continued to compose and sing — songs of hope, songs of emunah. Because when a parent loses a child, the only way to keep going is with emunah. Miriam’s emunah and bitachon had been deeply ingrained in her from her parents.

In this episode, Miriam shares her journey with honesty and gentleness — what it means to keep believing, to keep living, and to keep singing, even after the unthinkable has happened.

YouTube: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsK24OSmIYG_XWzeplhfmb8LJcWKphITh&si=untn3fmHLLaEEFNm

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/relief-from-grief-by-mayrim/id1788349916

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3AvWNp0DrHqE5AVYJHooiK?si=ufpIObuGRumS5uFXmvrpgA 

Questions or feedback? Email me at: podcast@mayrim.org

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the Grief Journey Podcast, hosted by Mrs. Miriam Ribiat and brought to you by Mayrim. Mayrim is an organization dedicated to supporting families who have experienced the loss of a child. It was founded La Iloy Nishma's Nachamaliba and Miriam Holman. Despite her illness, Miriam devoted herself to addressing the needs of parents and siblings navigating the profound pain of child loss. This mission was deeply personal to her, as she had experienced such loss firsthand when her older sister Nohamaliba passed away. Mayrim continues to honor and expand upon the work Miriam began, with her parents carrying this mission forward with unwavering dedication. If you have any questions or comments for the speaker, or if you would like to suggest a guest for the podcast, please email us at podcast at Mayrim.org.

Meet Miriam Israeli

SPEAKER_02 0:58

Hi, everybody. Thank you so much for joining me here today on the brief journey by Mayrim Podcast. Today I am very excited to introduce you to Mrs. Miriam Israeli, who is a well-known singer and songwriter in Artisur. She is also very instrumental in a nonprofit organization in Artsisor that is helping families with affordable housing. So thank you so, so much for coming on. Thank you for having me. And I guess let's start off a little bit with your story. What brings you on to the Grief Podcast?

Writing Music Of Faith And Hope

A Son’s Illness And Loss

Closure, Epiphany, And New Life

SPEAKER_01 1:31

So I'll backtrack a little bit just to a little bit, you know, about myself. As you said, I'm a singer and songwriter. I've been composing songs for many, many years. Many of my many of people throughout the world know one of the songs that I wrote many years ago, Imatagidili, which is a song about mother davaning and Shabbos candlelighting for her children. You wrote that song. Wow. Yes, I did when my oldest daughter was born. And over the years I kept on composing and writing. In the last 15 years or so, I've been working with singers writing songs for Benny Friedman, such as Yeshtikva, Tada Evrianuchi, or for Yakushweki, for example, Ma'amin Bení Sim, and Tadli Kitai Shramor Khashapiro, Hakomishamayim, very appropriate for this podcast, Makar, and many, many other singers. And I think that if you take the songs and you put them all together, there's a very strong message, which again is relevant for whoever is tuning into the grief podcast, which is a message of strength and emuna and hope and joy, no matter what, no matter what we're experiencing. I know, for example, that the nephrology department in Sharai Tzedek took a song that I wrote, Machar, as its theme song. I know that many people going through illness and trouble have been found strength in many other songs. So that that's something that is very much a part of who I am, you know, to be able to see that everything that's part of life that happens in life is you know is from a Khatish Barakhu, and there's there's always light to be found in the darkness. Maybe not every day, maybe not every minute. Um, but I definitely think that, you know, what I'm about to talk about, which is the part that connects to the grief journey, is um, I think that this part of this way of thinking was always a part of me. So, you know, so when I was faced with grief and loss, I think that in a way I can't say I was prepared, I wasn't prepared at all, but there was something in me that helped me, you know, look beyond and be able to see uh the light and the darkness. So I had my son Yichiel, whose full name was Pesa Chihel Mechel. We called him Chili. When he was um a year and eight months, he did he developed or we discovered, I don't know, a condition called JRA. It's juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, and he had the systemic kind, which means that it affected the inner organs and it just made him made him very sick. So for five years, he was sick on and off with periods of remission and uh periods of illness. And um, when he was almost seven, he he passed away. Uh, I have to say that this illness is rarely fatal, but in his case it was. I saw a tremendous amount of chesed even within in this story, as as piercing as the pain was, and it was, which is first of all, although he was sick on and off for five years, we had no idea that it could be fatal. It it just never is, which I think is a tremendous chesed. Someone has uh, you know, a child with uh an illness that is known to be a you know a terminal illness or a fatal illness, even they're constantly afraid when what is going to happen. We didn't have that fear. Uh we figured he would outgrow it one day because most children do. And especially if he had the systemic kind, which doesn't affect, you know, arthritis affects the joints, but if it's the systemic kind, it doesn't affect the joints so much, and it's much likelier to pass completely. So we were very hopeful that you know eventually he would just outgrow it. And I I see that as a chesed, that we didn't have to live in fear for so many years. Another, you know, another thing that I see is that we did have a little bit of preparation. He first of all, he was very ill the last year of his life. He wasn't really eating. Uh, he was very, very thin and wasted. He couldn't really stand because he was too weak. Although, you know, his passing was so difficult, and all he wanted was for him to live. I remember, you know, in the last few days, they said that even if he lives, he may have kidney problems, he may be dialysis. And I was like, I don't care. Like, let him just live and we'll worry about the dialysis afterwards. But I think that looking back, it's not like he was a kid who was running around and was having a great life. He he suffered enormously. I had nurses in the hospital saying they'd never seen a child in so much pain. So knowing that he was in a better place and that he wasn't suffering, you know, the fact that he had suffered so much in that last year, in a way made it easier for us to say, well, he's in a better place now. You know, we're we're suffering, but at least he's fine. He's okay. I was expecting when he passed away, I was in my I sat Shiva when I was in my seventh month, not so comfortable. Um, and I would when I became pregnant, I was, I don't want to say horrif, but but in a way, I was I was because I had no idea how I could possibly take care of an infant. I had this child who was so ill, he was so ill, I cannot even describe how ill he was. How am I going to take care of a baby? It just seemed impossible. It was impossible. I knew I didn't have it in me. And again, since I'm very much guided by a belief that Akhibara who plans everything and he made this plan, and he doesn't make mistakes. So if I feel that I can't do this, it's absolutely impossible. There must be something wrong with me. I need to see a psychologist. I need to get some because something is not working. Anyway, I didn't see a psychologist. And then when my son passed away, I remember I think all of us who have experienced the loss of a loved one, I think, I don't know. I think that all of us in a way just at in the beginning just want to join them because the pain is so, so searing and so deep. And we know there's a better world. So like part of us just wants to be in that better world with the with the one that that we lost. It's very difficult to contemplate going on with life as we knew it before when there's such a big hole in it. And I remember feeling that way. And I I you know, I had younger children than him. So I was trying to think what why what will make me want to go? I know I need to go on living because we need to, that's what we need to do, you know? And I believe that everything is good, but what will make me want to go on living? And um, I said, Okay, have kids. And I said, Yeah, I know my kids need me, but but it was still like a butt. And the second day of the Shiva, I just like it hit me in three months, uh I'm having a baby. And the thought filled me with such joy that I literally all of a sudden the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. Like I had been so full of doubt and so full of fear, and so and I had such a lack of of understanding of how could a katshibarachu have made this happen? Why why am I pregnant? And it was like all the pieces fell into place because a katshibarachu knew that I wouldn't have Khili anymore then. And he gave me this because he knew what a comfort, what a solace it would be for me. And I remember in Davaning Shahris when I got up to Azyashir and I got up to the words Zekhalivan Vehu, and I remembered what we learned, you know, that a Shefcha al-Hayam, a maid on who passed through the you know, the parting of the seas, was able to see Yah Hashem, the hand of Hashem. It was so clear that's how I felt. I felt like I saw the hand of Hashem in my life, planning everything down to the last detail. And it it was it was an incredible moment of epiphany. It was just an epiphany. And the child that was born, it was a girl, is a girl, and she was just such an easy and cute and sweet child. When I took her for a well visit to the doctor at two, at I think age two, he was like, Where was this one? Why haven't I been seeing her? You know, she was just and she's always been that way. She's been a very, very easy. Were you happy that it was a girl? I don't think it made a difference one way or another. You know, it it's uh but just having the child. I remember sitting in like in Aim Vielet and the mother, you know, convalescent other baby home, and my baby, and it was like it was really, it was so soothing, it was so calming, it was so was literally like putting a soothing sob on a on a on a on a terribly painful wound. And it was, you know, it was incredible.

SPEAKER_02 10:20

You know, so that was like you didn't cry about the tile that you don't have. Like you found it only comfort.

Learning To See Others’ Pain

How People Grieve Differently

SPEAKER_01 10:25

I did. I did. I I can't say I didn't, you know. I did for the first, I would say the first two years I I really grieved. And the third year I was just like, I was just feeling nasty. I just felt like just felt nasty. And then I think it started to pass. And I want to say two things about that remind me about the grief journey. Um, and you know, and how I what I see in other people. But I want to go back to another thing that I saw that Hakatish Bar Khud was with me and holding my hand along the way. When we were hospitalized for the last time, it was really crazy. I went to the doctor, I saw that he looked like gray, you know, his face looked gray. And I went into the doctor, and the you know, the the doctor took a look at him and he was like, ambulance, hospital, now. And we just went straight to the hospital, and I had a show that night. And I have like a crazy work ethic. Like, it's not just about showing up at an office where people are expecting you. There's an audience, there's gonna be like, you know, I don't know, 200, 300 people there, and it's just gonna be a no-show. I just, you know, I didn't know where this was heading, also, right? It was the first night uh of his hospitalization. So I didn't cancel the show. We went into the hospital, and um he just he wasn't doing well. And uh so like I was ready for another hospital stay and another, I've been been there, done that, you know, and I felt this weariness even before I started. And I kept leaving the room because it just like needed to get some ear, and I kept making excuses to my little boy, you know, I have to get something. And at one point he says, You keep leaving me, why do you keep leaving me? And then I noticed that he was breathing very, very fast. So I called the doctor and I said, something seems weird. And you know, they they called the pulmonologist, they they you know, they took him into a room, they said, We have to intubate him. And um right before they intubated him, the doctor said to me, Ima I don't remember the exact words, like ima de brito tevochioto, like speak to him and and bless him. And I I said, I said to him in Yiddish, we spoke Yiddish, you should be well and healthy, strong and healthy until 120. And he said, Oh mine. And he closed his eyes and then they intubated him. And that gave me closure. That was really my goodbye to him because we never spoke again. And when I after he passed away, I went to see the pulmonologist and I said, You know, I really have to be grateful to you. Had you not told me to speak to him, I wouldn't have said anything and I wouldn't have had closure. He says, I knew that you might not have another chance. And I thought that was first of all incredible of him as a physician to see beyond, to understand the emotional impact. And and also Hassraf Hashem, that he he gave me that, you know, that that chance to to say goodbye and not to leave with, you know, you're leaving me all the time. That's what would have stayed with me, you know. And instead I had that moment of togetherness and and love and connection. It was just a moment, but it was very, very powerful. Right. And um, yeah, I had the same thing. I mean, we're speaking about bereavement. I lost my father six years ago. And I remember I came to see him once. I came, he was living in Atanya. He was very, very ill, he was terminally ill with cancer. And the last time I came to visit him, besides for coming on when he was on his deathbed, he couldn't get out of bed and he was too weak to talk. So I was waiting for him to come out of the room and he didn't, and I had to leave, I had to go back home. So I went into him and I just took his hand and he squeezed my hand. And then I left. And that was goodbye. I didn't know. But that moment of togetherness, of connecting both of us to each other, was again that closure that Akadish Barhu in his infinite goodness gave me. So, you know, that's as far as seeing light and seeing the love of Akadeshbarhu through air.

SPEAKER_02 14:28

So let me ask you something about that. Is that something that like you worked on as a much younger person? Is something you just internalize very strongly from your parents? Like, like usually it's something that someone goes to something and then they work on it, and you know, then they could get there. But you already had all that.

Letting Go Of Pictures

SPEAKER_01 14:45

Yeah, definitely my parents. My parents are tremendous Bala Bitachum. Um and it was just it's not the it wasn't even like they didn't work on Bitachum, they just had it. They had it in a sense that, like, of course, like it's so clear. It's not like, oh, let's work on Bita. It's just so clear. My father was very, very wealthy at one point, very wealthy. He gave away enormous amounts of money. Um, you know, if you're in the bereavement business, uh, I don't know if you've ever spoken to or whatever, but you certainly know Rabbi Simfa Skala of High Life Line. Um, he described going to visit my father in the office. He says you couldn't see it an inch in front of your face because both he and his part partner, Marty Krishan Bam, Allah Shalom, um were like chain smokers. And all day, he says they sat in the office on 47th Street and they gave out money. He says, I don't know when they made the money, I don't know when they did business. Because all day there was just people came and they just they gave out money.

SPEAKER_02 15:47

Wow.

Housing Stress And Healing

SPEAKER_01 15:48

You know, so that that was who was your father? What's your maiden name? My maiden name is Wolf. I was Miriam Wolf. My father was Isaac Wolf, he was known uh fondly as Itcha Wolf. And those who know, know. And one of the reasons I'm involved now in nonprofit is because he was also involved. He helped build Laniaro Hospital in Atania, and he was involved towards the end of his life in this project, which is also a tremendous project, and I'm continuing his trying to continue what you know when he began or became a partner. So regarding like lessons that I've learned, when my son first passed away, I was gung-ho, you know, I'm a singer, you know, so I was gung-ho to go sing, you know, everywhere. Well, can we backtrack a little bit? You know, first of all, I guess, you know, when someone experiences loss, they join the club. This is gonna be a very weird analogy, but for those of you who know Harry Potter, I find that Harry Potter has a lot of analogies to real life that are just strikingly, I don't know, brilliant. And one of those is that only those who have seen death can see the thestrels. And that's why Luna and Harry can see the thestrels and Hermione and Ron can't. And I read that, I said, that's so true. Those of us who have experienced loss, we can see something that other people can't. And I saw that very clearly in my life because at one point I was asked to come sing for a woman who was very ill with cancer. Um, and her she was very bloated and misshapen from the steroids. And I remember feeling like I don't know what to sing, I don't know what to say. I sang, but I didn't I didn't connect. And I walked out feeling horrible. I just felt I felt so awful. I felt like maybe everything I sang was wrong, everything I said was wrong. I didn't I didn't understand her, I couldn't connect to her where she was. And after I lost my son, it was different. And I saw that difference when I went to an event, I think it was a Chevabrachas, and I met a woman there who had just lost her father. Had I been the pre-Celie, you know, loss, I wouldn't have known what to say, and I probably wouldn't have said anything. I didn't know her well, and you don't know what to say. But I had lost my son. I went over to her and I said, I heard about your father. I'm so sorry. It was like the floodgates opened. It was as if she had been waiting for someone to say something. She started talking about her father, and I sat next to her and she talked and she talked and she talked and she talked. And I was like, wow. She was just waiting for someone to say something, and I would never have done that. So I feel like that understanding that it gave me and that ability it gave me to connect to people who are going through whatever they're going through. It might be grief, it might be mental illness or different kinds of illness or whatever it is, or difficulty, marital difficulties, whatever it is, it doesn't scare me anymore. I never feel like I don't know what to say to this person because I can just see the person without seeing the whatever enfolds them, whatever it is, and that enables me to connect to the person inside. And I think that's a tremendous gift. And I think that has impacted me, whether I feel it or not, as a performer and as a songwriter. I used to feel when I performed for audiences that were going through difficulty, that I have to tell them what I'm going through because otherwise they're going to think she's telling us how to deal with our troubles. Like, what does she know? And I realized that it's not true. It comes across to an audience whether I say something or I don't. And I experienced that in my life shortly after my son passed away. I think it was maybe two months. I met someone, an acquaintance, and I was debating if I should say something to her because it was still at the top of me, you know. In the beginning, it's it's at the top of you. And I'm like looking at her, and she puts her hand on my shoulder and she says, I heard Shamathi. Wow. And that was it. We didn't we said nothing else about. I felt so comforted. And I met her a couple of a couple of years later. And I said, You know, you didn't say anything, you just said I heard, but it was so comforting. She says, Miriam, I lost a child 20 years ago. And it was incredible. She was able to do that because she had experienced it herself. And even though I didn't know that at the time, I felt what she was conveying. When she said shamati, she was saying, I understand. I feel you. And I felt that, even though none of it was said, which is incredible how what we communicate, not through verbal communication. I think that's a gift. And I I wouldn't have chosen it, but you know, but I'm grateful for it, you know, looking back retroactively.

SPEAKER_02 20:47

Right.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

The other thing is that I thought I understood everyone so well because now I, you know, experience briefly. I was gonna come and I was gonna sing and I was gonna tell them and I was gonna talk. And over time I understood that everyone processes grief differently. And what works for one person doesn't work for another. So I can talk about what I experience, and it can be helpful, but it may also not be helpful because people grieve differently. And and that's something that I I learned over time and you know, with a certain amount of of maturity, because I felt like I had to open everyone's eyes, and I realized that that's not really, you know, that's not really the way it goes.

SPEAKER_02 21:28

One thing that I find very interesting about you, your your way of grieving, because I don't hear this so often, is the the no pictures. That you're just not in the pictures, and you have them, you don't have them. I and I so many like people I hear either have their houses full of pictures or it's like a conflict between them and their spouse.

Unity, Service, And Song

SPEAKER_01 21:47

Yeah, so no, we have we don't have that at all. I could put up pictures of them if I want to. And I'm just like, I'll tell you what, in the beginning, I was so afraid of forgetting. If I would forget him, I would lose him. I don't, I won't lose him until I forget him, which is really, you know, you have to trust Khadish Barakhu's system. We're living in a time where that is that is so weak. There is such a tremendous, I guess, you know, we're living towards the end of days, so there's a tremendous kind of trend of uprooting the system that Hashem put into this world, which is the way the world works, you know. There are all kinds of ideologies that contradict the way Hashem wants the world to work. You know, Kachbar said, Bezayas apechash to kalech, and you your sustenance. And that's why things like communism and socialism and whatever, they don't work because they're not in the system. Likewise, all kinds of engagements, you know, interpersonal relationships that ultimately have no are not sustainable because Kachbar set up a system. And part of that system is Gezeira Al-Hamey, Shishtaqa Mihalyb. It is decreed that the dead must be forgotten. And that seems cruel, but Hashem is never cruel. He's never cruel. He is a loving, he is loving kindness, he is chased embodied. And I would try to remember and I would picture him and I would remember. I would start crying. This would be at night, right? After the day is over, and I would, I would, I wouldn't be able to stop. I would cry and cry and cry and cry. And I said, I'm making myself sick. I really couldn't stop. And after a few nights of this, I said that I will, I will make myself sick. I said, That's it. It's okay not to forget. It's okay. You don't have to remember exactly the way he looked and exactly the way he spoke. It's okay. Let that go. That that was an avodor. That was work. To consciously say I let the go. And I think a tremendous part of my healing came from that, from that willingness to say, it is decreed that the dead must be forgotten and to let go other. And I think it's the same for me with the pictures. Once upon a time, we didn't have pictures. You know, it's not like it's an essential part of our existence, you know, it didn't always exist. I think pictures is just another way of holding on. And I think it's bad. But for me, it's not necessary. You know, where when I was with my son and he was just lying there, he was, he had just passed away, and there was another family that just lost a child, and they were busy, I don't know, cutting off his hair, a piece of hair or whatever. I'm like, he's here for, do you know? Like a memento, and people do keep mementos, parts of the person that is gone. But for me, really the person is his essential being, his soul, his nishamah. That is who the person is. That is never lost, and that is never gone. His physical being, it's just a temporary relavush, a temporary clothing. It really is that. So what's the point of holding on to that? Once the essential part, the spirit is gone, it's just a shell. It's just a shell until the spirit will return, right? But until then, any physical manifestation of the person that is gone is nothing, unless you're talking about a tzadik, who's, you know, we who we know we keep we keep their things because something of their righteousness and their spirit lives on in their possessions. But mostly it's just another way of holding on to the physical because I think maybe because our feeling of holding on to what the person really is is not strong enough. So that was where the work came in. I kept saying, if he if he was in Australia, I couldn't see him. We there was no way to travel there. There was no way to talk to him. But I know he's in Australia and I know he's okay and I know he's happy. That's okay, right? So he's a little further than Australia, or he's in a different state of being than he would be in Australia. And that was where the work was, and it helped me get through the journey. And I think journey is a good word because there's no shortcut through grief. That's what I thought. So I, you know, I would tell people, I feel like grief is a swamp. I don't know, muddy marsh, and you're on one side of it, and you gotta get to the other side. There is no bridge and there's nothing. You gotta wade through mud every agonizing step through that stinking marsh. And you gotta get through it. But you gotta really work in it. So your work, you did all your work by yourself. I tried to read things that made made me feel connected. You know, usually I'm a I'm a very light reader. I like novels, I like Harry Potter. Um, but at that time I read like, you know, more serious stuff. Whatever I got my hands on, I don't remember in particular. I remember reading um Letters to a Buddhist Jew, Rabbi Tats, and I remember reading the Masilasi Sharim by Rabbi Twersky with the translation. Those who I remember, uh Shah Rabbi Tachon, I did a couple of times, you know. So that that helped me.

SPEAKER_02 26:55

And I'm I'm sure that going out to sing always had, you know, gave me something, even if I didn't realize it exactly at that moment, or you know, but it was like it was no therapist and no support group and no no mayorim or high lifeline or whatever. This was like that's amazing. I mean, that's so atypical. Okay. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 27:16

Yeah, well, you know, the only time I was in support with, wasn't connection with, was connected to a support group was when I went to sing for the for I went to sing for bereaved mother several times, and I, you know, I came. It's still, you know, when people actually know that you went through what they're going through, it, you know, it is, it is, it is very powerful. So, you know, it's people feel like you understand them. And um, but otherwise, yeah, you know what, I think the the khenach that I got in my parents' home is really what it just prepared me for for whatever I was going to face. And um, my parents were our my father was, my mother told me I have esraim is an incredibly strong, they're strong, they're happy, they're positive, they're forward-looking, and I would say their motto is it is what it is, and it's from Hashem. So I think that's uh that's why I didn't need anything external. So, what happens today?

SPEAKER_02 28:10

It's a lot of years later. When you have a family simcha or something, and this child is not there, you don't get those feelings of like my family's not complete.

SPEAKER_01 28:19

Nope, my family is complete. Okay, I have one son in Ghanaian, okay, that's fine. So he's not at the wedding because he's gonna but I don't feel like my family is incomplete ever. No, and my kids, by the way, they're like very like we talk about him sometimes, or we don't talk about him, or whatever. He shows up and we're looking at pictures and he shows up or videos, to the extent that when they were younger, they would sometimes talk about him, and and then if it would come up and they would say, Yeah, well, you know, he passed away and he was nifter, and and people would be like flustered, they wouldn't know what to say. My kids couldn't like they didn't understand that people were uncomfortable because they were not uncomfortable. So, like, what's uh you know, what's the issue?

SPEAKER_02 28:57

Right. Wow, wow. It's amazing. So let's talk about your your you were telling me earlier about I mean, okay, so what you do now to try to get affordable housing for people in Eritus South, you said you know it's for any families, but I think it sounds like you have a little bit of a like sensitive spot for those that are also going through child loss or I guess other types of challenges, because like this on top of that, it's just like a lot.

SPEAKER_01 29:25

Exactly. So, you know, what people don't know perhaps overseas, you know, when I start talking about housing, usually like the first thing that people say to me is we have housing problems over here, also you know, that's the first thing. What people don't realize is that in in in Israel, it's not, you know, some families, colour families, whatever. It doesn't matter what you are, it doesn't matter if you're have a if you're working, if you have a dual salary, if you own your own business, unless you are extremely wealthy, there is no way that you can ever buy a home. So they say, okay, fine, so they should rent, but there's no system for renting. There's no there are no project renting, it's not available. And when it does become available, it's not reliable. It's the system doesn't work. It just doesn't work, and it affects basically, you know, 98% of the population in Eretzestral. So that's one part of it. And then of those 98%, many families are dealing with a struggle, a difficulty, a trouble, whatever it is. Maybe they have a sick child, as I did. Maybe they've been, maybe they've experienced loss, maybe they have a handicapped member of the family or a child with special needs or someone on dialysis, or I don't know, like a million different things people go through. And since everyone is going through this housing problem, so whatever else they're going through, it's compounded by the lack of stability or the financial difficulty, whatever, however, it plays out within their family. When I posted about it on LinkedIn, like right away, I got two people sent me messages. I know this divorced, you know, divorced mother that's living in this and this condition, and you know, whatever. So that's what happens. Someone is dealing with an issue, and then they're dealing with this as well. So I feel like if there's something that we can solve, you know, when we help cancer patients, we're helping those who are dealing with that. When we help special needs, we help with that. When we help, we're helping every and we need to. But an eritistral, when you help with housing, you're helping every single family with whatever they're going through, which is why I feel so strongly about it. Not to mention that I feel like eretistral belongs to us, and this is a time when we need to do Ishiva Arat in the way that we're meant to do it originally. We've maybe lost our way a little bit with that because with all the difference of ideologies, but eratistral remains a value. So that's besides, you know, so to fill up Eritral, happy families that are lighting Shabbos candles and lighting Khanik candles and spreading the light, I think that's uh that's something that's you know at the top of the list.

SPEAKER_02 31:53

You settled when your when your son was left there? Like did you have a house?

SPEAKER_01 31:56

You were also So Bar Hashem, yes, because I was lucky. And at the time that my I got married, my father was able to uh to afford buying me an apartment. So Bar Hashem, I had that. Yes. Thinking that I would, you know, as it happens now, I'm renting not because for by choice in a way, but if I would be then, if I would be in that position and knowing that, oh my gosh, I have to make rent every month and I don't know, and should I do I need to move somewhere cheaper? Or isn't he raising is he raising the rent now? Because they raise the rent literally every year or two, but salaries, salaries in Israel are so low and it's so not in proportion. And you have people from Hutzlerits driving up prices, all kinds of things. I don't want to go into the technical stuff. If I have to go through that while I was going through that with him, I don't know. I don't know what would happen. But definitely, you know, it impacted my family as it is, but it would impact my family so much more, my kids so much more. Just like the emotional dynamic of the family would be so much weaker. So, yes.

SPEAKER_02 32:58

In general, that's life really, though. When there's big things going on, there's also small things going on. Life is never like it's never just one, you know, okay, now I'm going through this thing and that's it. It's always always. Always.

SPEAKER_01 33:11

Yeah. Yeah. Hashem has plans for us, he uh, you know, and he believes in us. And I think that's another thing that I learned, you know. We want to spare our children pain. I'm, you know, and I think one thing that I learned also is like Hakach Braha is our father, and he sometimes we have pain because he knows that this is the best path for us, and this is how we will grow, because ultimately we're here to grow as people, you know, and not to put our feet up and say, well, you know, this is how I feel today, and you know, just do live according to that. I just saw a post now that I don't remember comparing the two periods of time or something in the suicide rate, and it's so much higher today when there is so much more abundance and plenty, people have much more, and yet the suicide rate is much higher. So happiness doesn't come from having no challenges, you know. Sakat Brah gives us pain and challenges, and he believes in us, and I think the same we have to apply that same thinking to our children and to believe that they can handle their pain as well. You know, like a Hashem believes in us, we need to believe in our children and their strength. And when we do, we make them strong. And when we over-protect and over-shelter and over-compensate, and I can't say that I'm not guilty of doing that, we actually weaken them.

SPEAKER_02 34:29

It's so interesting that you're saying that. That that's a direct message from Hashem to me this morning through you, because I'm really working at that with one of my kids. Okay, so I guess I don't know, anything important that we didn't talk about yet before we wrap up.

SPEAKER_01 34:42

No, I would just like to say that anyone that's tuned into this podcast, I I'm sorry for whatever pain you're experiencing. One of the things that I I want to do, whether it's through my music or through the housing initiative of the Chef Achaimarachemim, is I want to minimize pain, you know, for everybody. So it's whether it's minimizing the pain of loss, whether it's minimizing the struggle and the pain that ensue from not having a stability in where you live, and whether it's minimizing the pain of Jews everywhere and the you know the different divisions and the rifts in society that cause so much pain to us as a people. Like I really want to bring, I want to bring Jews together because I think when we're together, there's such joy in that and such beauty and such love. One of the things that I I do is I I participate in an initiative started by my daughter. I sing at army bases for Khayalot. You know, started by Shai Gracher for the Khayalim, and we did it for the Khayalot. And it's incredible. We come a bunch of Aradi, you know, really ultra-orthodox Jewish girls and women, and we come to these female soldiers and we do, you know, Hafrashat Khala or Hafrashat Khala, however you want to call it. And some of them have never made a bracha in their lives, and they've never done khala, and and we're all together, and it's so beautiful. And and they stand there and they they light candles and they and they pray for themselves in their lives, and we we do it together, and it it doesn't matter anymore who's wearing a skirt and who's wearing pants. You know what I mean? And that's a place that really I want to bring us all together to do all the good that we can do, regardless of our affiliation, because no matter what affiliation, we are we affiliate as Jews, and those who stand up against us make no differentiation. They don't care if we're wearing jeans or a long pleated skirt, or covering our here or not, or wearing a yarmulka makes no difference. So it shouldn't make any difference to us either.

SPEAKER_02 36:47

Okay, well, thank you so so much for coming on. I really appreciate it.

Closing & How To Connect

SPEAKER_01 36:52

May there be no more pain, and may Hashem soon bring us, you know, the final Ga'ula, their final redemption, and redeem us from all pain.

SPEAKER_00 37:03

You've just listened to an episode of the Grief Journey Podcast with Miriam Ribiat, brought to you by Mayrim. For more episodes, please visit the Mayrim website at www.mahrim.org. Help us reach others who may benefit from this podcast. If you know someone who might find it meaningful, please consider sharing it with them. If you have questions or comments for the speaker, or if you would like to suggest a guest for a future episode, we would love to hear from you. Email us at podcast at mayrim.org. We look forward to having you join us for the next episode.