42. The Matriarch in the Making

When a parent passes, someone quietly steps forward—not by choice, but by necessity. She becomes the keeper of memories, the decision maker, the silent matriarch. In this episode, we explore the unseen inheritance: the emotional and spiritual weight that lands in her hands, and the sacred work of guiding her through it. If you've ever wondered what it truly means to serve beyond the sale, this is a moment worth listening to.

Chapters

• 0:00 Meet the Matriarch in Making
• 0:31 Understanding Fallon's Profile
• 1:38 The Unofficial Crowning
• 3:14 Supporting Through Sacred Work
• 5:50 Carrying the Family Legacy Forward

Transcript

Alexa: 0:01

Today we're talking about a very specific person and you've probably met her already. She's the daughter, the niece, the sister, the one who is not on title, but somehow she's the one who makes every decision. She's sorting through the paperwork, coordinating the siblings, taking the calls, paying the taxes, and not because she asked for any of it, but because somebody had to, she is the matriarch in the making, and today we're going to talk about what that actually means. So when we started building Heirloom, we started with a very specific type of client and we named her Fallon and we did a bunch of research around the heirs that were inheriting property and our avatar, fallon, was created out of that. So Fallon is between 44 and 62. She's educated, emotionally intelligent, and she's often rooted in her faith. She probably lives out of state. So I'm in South Florida here and we have a lot of clients who their parents retired to Boca, right, and their children still live out of state. Sometimes they're local or they live a few hours away, but in most cases the heirs don't live in the same place as their parents and so she is stuck in this place of balancing her own household, maybe working with an aging parent, working with a surviving spouse, right, and maybe she has adult kids or maybe they're still, you know, teenagers. And now she has become the default decision maker for an inherited property. Truthfully, she did not raise her hand for any of this, but when the call came she answered because nobody else was going to do it. And she's not grieving loudly, she's grieving logistically. She's the person that is holding it all together, because if she doesn't hold everything else together, she will fall apart. So inside she's wondering if letting go of the house means letting go of her mother.

Alexa: 2:04

And now I call this woman the matriarch in the making, because typically what happens is mom or dad passes away and it creates a vacuum where the matriarch or the patriarch is no longer there to make the decisions. And now somebody else steps into that role. And it doesn't happen like a coronation, like it does with a king right, but it happens as the inheritance of all the logistics, all the hard decisions, all of the pressure, and it usually comes at a time when the new matriarch, the new patriarch, is also grieving. But they don't have the space to grieve because there's so much that needs to be done and nobody gave her the title and nobody officially gave her the tasks either, but they kind of threw up their hands and said I don't want to deal with this. And so Fallon is the one who said okay, it needs to get done, so I'll take care of it. And so I refer to this as her unofficial crowning. And this happens for men too, right, like it's not just women, but in a lot of cases, if there is a sister involved in this situation, the data shows that it typically is going to end up being the woman.

Alexa: 3:12

She feels the pressure to do the right thing with the home and she feels guilty for wanting to sell it. It feels like she's letting go of the last thing that allows her and her family to feel close to the person who passed. She has some deep-rooted resentment, and that comes from the place of. No one else is helping her with all of the things that need to get done and nobody is even appreciating what she's doing either. She has a fear, a really deep-rooted fear of getting it wrong and as we continue to shift into a new market that is slower and takes longer for properties to sell and she's probably going to have to do price reduction and she's probably going to have to do some repairs to the property. She's worried about doing it wrong and regretting the decision later. But underneath it all, she's wondering wrong and regretting the decision later. But underneath it all, she's wondering what if I mess up? What if this makes me the bad guy? What if I can't hold the family together like she did or like he did right? This is a new role for her and she doesn't know if she's doing it right. And this here is why I say that selling inherited property is not just a financial transaction. It's a spiritual threshold, it's where a daughter becomes a matriarch and it's where family legacy gets passed on, not just in documents, but in emotional and spiritual responsibility. That's why she does not need a sales pitch. She needs a professional who sees her as a person and all the things that she doesn't say, but she needs to be supported through.

Alexa: 4:49

Now, when you understand her, your whole approach is going to be different. You're not going to rush the listing, you're not going to get annoyed when she's taking forever to respond, because you understand the emotions and the grief that she's experiencing and you typically won't see her break down. But her breakdown happens behind closed doors, where you're not going to see it, and so sometimes we forget that the strong person needs to be checked on too. So when you work with her, you're not going to just talk about listing the property. You're not just going to talk about comps. You're not just going to tell her just sell it or just do an estate sale. You're not just going to talk about comps. You're not just going to tell her just sell it or just do an estate sale. You're going to ask about the person who lived there. You're going to create clarity, you're going to hold space for compassion, you're going to help her find closure and you're going to lead her into completion.

Alexa: 5:38

And this is what sacred work is Serving the people who are stepping into the most sacred role of their lives, without a ceremony, without gratitude, without applause and often without help. Now you may be the only one who actually sees her, the only one who names the moment for what it is, and in doing so, you give her something no title, no payout and no probate filing could, a sense of peace that she didn't just manage an estate. She actually carried a legacy and she picked up the torch and became the legacy bearer. And you, sacred worker, were the one who walked beside her when she became the matriarch.