How to Find Bookish Friends and Romance Community Outside Social Media

Making new friends as an adult is notoriously difficult, and when your primary hobby is reading high-heat romance novels, it can feel even harder to find your people. As an introvert who gets overstimulated quickly, the thought of trying to build a community through endless social media scrolling can feel exhausting. In this solo season premiere, I am breaking down easy, low-pressure ways to find bookish friends who match your energy and your favorite tropes (both virtually and in real life) without relying on algorithms. 

In this episode, we're discussing:

• Why traditional social media platforms can lead to doom scrolling rather than authentic connection, and how to pivot to dedicated spaces like Discord, Patreon, and Substack.
• How joining a structured buddy read helps you build deep, long-term friendships over shared chapter analysis rather than surface-level comments.
• Simple ways to navigate your local community, including the brilliance of Silent Book Clubs where you can read in parallel without the pressure of forced small talk.
• How to use indie bookstores, local author talks, library events, and even Little Free Libraries to signal your favorite tropes to nearby readers.
• A simple action step to reach out to one person this week and ask about their current read to break the ice.

Don’t forget to follow over on Substack and join the paid community for fun perks.

BOOKS/AUTHORS MENTIONED:

Shelbey Monae on the Podcast (S3E6)

Shelbey’s Discord Community

Shamoya’s Romance Reads (Substack)

Weekend Reader (Substack)

Running list of books mentioned (Doc)

Transcript

The Adult Friendship Struggle for Romance Readers

Alesia Galati 0:00

Making new friends as an adult can be pretty hard, but it's not impossible, especially if you find some common theme that you have together, like reading. Today we're talking about how you can find bookish friends that not only match your energy, but also some of your favorite tropes. Listener discretion is advised. This podcast contains mature content intended for adult audiences only. Hey friends, it's Alicia. Welcome, welcome, welcome to season four. I am so glad you're here. And I'm so excited. We have some absolutely incredible conversations coming through this season, including our very first man. I'm so excited for you to discover these incredible authors and bookish friends that I've been having these chats with. But let's go ahead and get into today's episode. Today I want to talk about finding and making bookish friends. This is something that I think a lot of us struggle with. And we're going to be talking about finding friends virtually as well as in person. And I know as an introvert and as someone who gets very overstimulated very quickly, that could be difficult, but we have some very easy and simple ways to do this.

Finding Virtual Communities Outside Social Media

Alesia Galati 1:19

So, first, how to find virtual friends. I want you to start thinking about making book friends outside of social media. And I know you're thinking, well, where else is there virtually? I promise you there are tons of different spaces. I would recommend getting into Patreon, Substack, and Discords. Now there are tons of bookish content creators that have Substacks that are creating community and connection in the chats over there. I'll have a list in the show notes of a few. You can even join my community. I have shifted the chat to be free. So if anyone wants to respond to any of the prompts in there, please feel free. I'm also thinking about doing like a virtual book club. Anything that kind of gets you out of the doom scrolling that is a social media is going to help you find deeper connections. And I think that's what we all really want. With what we're seeing as this increase in the loneliness epidemic, especially around those in male bodies, I do want to note that there are studies that show that human beings need to be around other human beings, that we need close friend groups, that we need connection. And I think that finding these spaces is such a great way to do that. But also there are studies that show

The Power of Buddy Reads

Alesia Galati 2:45

that we live longer when we find friend groups. So let's do more of that so we can live long and happy, healthy lives. But also just being able to find your people, being able to find people who understand you, who understand the kinds of books you like, who understand that you have a desire to read. Maybe you only want to read Black romance and you want to be around people who are doing that. That is incredible. Or you really want to start reading more diversely, and you're not really sure how to do that, but you can go to your friend group who you trust to give you recommendations because they know you and they understand maybe what you're looking for, right? We need those communities and those spaces, not just, hey, social media, I have a trope I want to read. Does anyone have any recommendations? You're not going to get that tailored response. So I definitely recommend at least having these communities, whether it's virtual or in person. Now, as we're moving and shifting away from social media and moving away from the algorithm, finding those micro communities is a great place to start. Now, of course, you can either expand from those, but they're just big enough that you can sometimes get lost in, or you can make best friends in. So that's what I love about these kind of micro but also bigger community spaces. So one Discord that I'm really loving right now is the Shelby and the Book Club. And I'll have a link for it in the show notes. But this book club is fantastic. It is fairly big. There are a lot of different chats going on. So it's not difficult to find a space where you can engage or can talk about a topic that you're interested in. They also have a monthly book club, which is fantastic where they go through and they talk about the different books and they have this space where you can talk about books that you're reading or the book of the month that they're reading. And what I love about this is that it is a welcoming community. It's not difficult to engage with. You don't have to show up like face, hey, here is me, and I need to put makeup on today. You don't have to do any of that. You can just go in there and chat around. So between Discord and Subsack, you should be able to find one or two bigger communities that you can engage with. Now, taking it a little further, if you have a specific author that you really love, like that is an author that you

Navigating the Local Library and Indie Bookstores

Alesia Galati 5:10

have all of their books, you are engaged with all their content, I would recommend finding their Patreon or some type of community space that they have and engaging with people there and finding friends there. So for example, I am part of three Patreons right now. I have Katie Robert, I'm also a Patreon of Elizabeth Stevens, and I'm a Patreon of a graphic designer called Create with Vain, V-A-N-E. And they have a good community around bookish content and they create graphics, and I'm really loving it. A lot of it is I'm laughing because of myself. A lot of the content is for Bookstagram and for Instagram, and like a lot of the content that Vane creates is trending content. And I am a very anti-trending person. Unless it's something that is really impacting the bookish community, and I need to talk about it, then for the most part, I ignore trends. I'm like, can we do this in six months? And then I will come back around to it and maybe do it. But I'm not really into like trending sounds or trending, like everybody's doing this. Like right now, there is, and you can tell when I'm recording this by this content, but right now the trending topic is the millennial versus Gen Z marketing. And I hate it. I hate it so much. And I understand sometimes you have to do relevant content, but that's just not me. Anyway, sorry, that was such a side tangent there. But Create with Vain is another one. And when these creators have their comments open, it allows us to have a space to connect with one another, to get to know one another, to find a community of people who have shared values or even a shared, hey, I like this author, you like this author, let's be friends. Another one is participate in story graph buddy reads. These are so much fun. I've done a few of them, and

The Brilliance of Silent Book Clubs for Introverts

Alesia Galati 7:30

maybe I need to, maybe we need to do some. I've I really struggle with buddy reads because most of the time I change what I want to read because I'm such a mood reader. It's a little difficult. But what I love about Buddy Reads is that it allows you to read the book simultaneously on story graph with your friends without any spoilers. So you can share reactions, you can mark things like once you get to a certain point, then it unlocks the discussion around that point. So I think that's a really cool perspective if someone is interested in doing kind of a buddy read with some friends or wants to participate in some of the buddy reads that they have public and available for folks. Now, these are again virtual ideas, and I think they're fantastic for people who have chronic illness or who have chronic pain who maybe struggle with being able to attend things in real life. But I'm gonna give you some easy ways to attend these conversations in real life. Even if you're an introvert, I promise I've got things for you too, because I'm an introvert as well. I get it. It is difficult to put yourself out there and get to know people. The first is something that happened to me recently. My kids go to MMA, you've probably heard me mention that before, and there's a lot of parents around, and we're all sitting on these fold-out chairs, and usually I'm reading, whether it's a physical book or a book on my Kindle. And I was reading a book, and a mom kind of leaned over and she goes, Hey, what are you reading? And I was like, Uh, how do I tell this person that I'm reading about a woman who gets taken from Earth, is sent to a planet where it is a very patriarchal society where they view the women as it instead of humans, and how the women have to kind of rewire the way that that society is created, and there's a civil war habit, like there's so many different things going on. Like, how do I explain to this person? And I was like, uh, it's like an alien smuddy romance. That's what I went with. And she was like, Oh, I love smud. Okay, what

Little Free Libraries

Alesia Galati 9:55

like what's the what's the title? What's it about? And I was like, oh, okay, whoo! Because some I live in North Carolina, so I'm never really sure what someone's religious upbringing might be or how religious they might be. I'm not religious in the least bit. I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian cult, so I just am not very religious. So I try to be careful with what I say around people and how much I tell people. But this was just a quick and easy way for me to get to know somebody new. She introduced herself. I ended up lending her one of my books. She follows me on Instagram, right? So, like all of these different things, just her asking, hey, what are you reading? And this is just an easy way to get to find your people. You see somebody reading a book, you see them reading a book that you know you like, start a conversation. Oh, where are you at in it? Are you enjoying it so far, etc.? Now, another option, if you are someone who that idea sounds like not a good time because you don't want to put yourself out there like that, I get it. Totally okay. We've got more ideas coming right up. The next one is a silent book club. There are tons and tons of silent book clubs throughout the United States. And if you're outside the US, hey friends, I would recommend starting one if you don't have one locally to you. It could be where a community of readers get together either at a cafe or a library or even a park. But this one is going to be really good for my introverts. You do not have to interact with someone if you don't want to. It is only an hour long, and you get to choose to stay longer to socialize if that's something that you want to do.

Taking It One Small Step at a Time

Alesia Galati 11:40

There's no homework, there's no book club, actual like book that you have to be reading, just showing up, enjoying space with other readers, and then leaving if that feels good. Next is the library and the bookstore, especially those indie bookstores. Definitely check out what your local library is doing. We want to support our local libraries. That is hands down such a great way to support your local community. See what book events your local library has. See if they have any authors that are coming to speak that you're interested in. I know my local library has a few adult book clubs. They have a lunchtime book club that's more like light rom-coms. And then they have, I want to say it's two other adult book clubs that are later in the day. One is typically around like a sci-fi or a fantasy, and then the other one is around a fiction. And so what I love about this is it gives some variety for everyone, but your local library is gonna have lots of options for you. And your indie bookstore, go check out their Instagram or their website. What are some events that they're hosting soon? Are they having some of your favorite authors show up? Honestly, those author events at indie bookstores have been some of my favorite. And that's as an introvert and as someone who's like, I don't want to go. Usually I end up getting a friend to go with me, which is always wonderful. But that is a good option, especially if you are someone who is looking to make new friends in your community or wanting to get to know more people. Those book signings or those local author talks are going to be fantastic. Finally, if you participate in your free little libraries, if you're giving books to them or taking books from them, why not add a little bookish love letter to the inside of one of those books that you're leaving there that you really love? Of hey, I loved this trope and I loved this book so much. And if you're looking for friends, here's my Instagram. Just a little easy way to get to engage with new people.

Your Challenge for the Week

Alesia Galati 13:53

Now, I understand that this can feel overwhelming. The idea of going and meeting new people, whether it's virtually or in person, isn't always easy, but I promise you it is worth it. There are so many fun ways to engage with people and get to know one another. Now, I want you to reach out to one person this week, either in a DM or at person at a library and ask them about their current read. Just get to know them a little bit. And if you are looking for bookish friends, come join me in the chat on Substack. I would love to get to know you, get to know your favorite trope. Let's talk.