i'm back to reality and i miss kissing italians

things are getting serious!!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I came back to real life. And when I tell you, reality hit me in a way that's like, I I feel like I've never been hit by reality this much. And when I say reality, I don't mean that it's bad. No. I just mean like I feel like I just came back to planet Earth. So I was basically on vacation for 10 days. If if you are able to listen to uh the last episode before this one, somewhere in the middle of the episode, I was like, I gave a quick update to the real ones, you know, the ones who make it to the middle of the episode. And I was in Budapest. I had the greatest time. Now, for 10 days, I had two nights in Budapest, and for the rest of the week, uh, I was in Serbia. So that is two nights in Hungary, um, Budapest, and then two nights in Serbia. My deal, uh three weeks before, I didn't even know Serbia was a country. I mean, obviously I knew Serbia is a country, but it just never crossed my mind. Like, if you were to tell me to list countries, uh, to list like uh all the countries, it would take me probably forever, and I wouldn't put Serbia on the list. And I was like, let's go. I was like the last one to to to be put on everything, like the place to stay. Into all the bookings, basically, I was the last one to be added. And you know what? It's one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life. I feel forever changed by this trip. I feel forever changed. Now, let me talk about what I wanna what I wanna talk about today. Now, you know, if you were on vacation and then you come back to like your real life, right? Okay, I not I don't I don't wanna say real life because even vacation is part of your real life, like when you come back to like your responsibilities and and uh this whole other life where it's not like vacation, you know, it it can take some time to adjust. It can take some time to adjust. So I okay, so today I went to school because today is Monday, right? I went to school, I went to college. I mean, by the way, I am graduating soon, and by soon I mean um the next three weeks. So if I'm being totally honest, I have some dues to pay, like I have some things that I need to handle. You know, when throughout the semester you've been like uh, you know, every once in a while missing classes. I mean, I was on vacation, so I was out of town. And being out of town means that you're gonna be out of some classes. Yeah, so I had to go handle that. So I showed up to school today and I was like, uh surprise, surprise. Bling bling bling. Guess who's back? Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who's the fairest of them all? Take me out of the list of the ones who we lost on the way. Because guess what, baby? I am back and I am graduating. Nothing, nothing will stop me. Nothing is about to stop me. When I came back, I will, I mean, obviously, I'm I may or may not tell you. I don't like promising because I really value integrity. I try my level best to do what I said I will do. So I don't want to promise that you know I will tell you, I will tell you what happened. Because when I don't, that will not be good. So that's why I'm saying, like, I may or may not tell you everything that happened on this on these days that I was in Serbia. Can I be honest? Sometimes when I want to use the word vacation, because I've been on social media for so long, uh now I have taken critical steps to stay away. But because I have been there before, and this is one of the effects, sometimes I feel like the word vacation should be used only when it's like, oh, by the beach, blah blah blah blah. You know, like this uh constructed image of vacation that we have from social media. I mean, it if you listen to me, it kind of sounds stupid, but it is vacation. I mean, if you're away from everything, right? I mean, you see why I don't want to stay on these apps because like such things, I mean, I guess how many people are battling with the same thing, but they don't they just don't want to say it out loud. Anyway, so when I was back to reality, first of all, I came back and I immediately had to unpack because that's that's the way I live my life. Uh and honestly, a few days ago, I I entered my room because my room is always arranged. I entered my room and I was like, hey, I don't know about the rest of you, but this is better than the hotel room. This is amazing. I love my room. My room is always arranged, it's always like, it's always in place. I am uh I am a clean boy, I am a smart guy, I'm a type A. You know what I'm saying? Uh, and it felt so good to be back. It felt so good to be back, but also I woke up in the morning and I was like, uh, I went into my kitchen. I was like, what do you mean I have to make my own coffee? Like, with the nice old lady at the breakfast place that I was going to for the whole week with all my new friends, uh, and being like, one cappuccino, please. And then the lady is like, first of all, I immediately show up to the breakfast place. Obviously, I'm a little bit late. Uh, I mean, fashionably late, of course. By the way, if you were with me in Serbia and you are listening to this, don't think I am like, uh, actually, I won't tell you what to think or what not to think, but you've like I just have a good memory of the things that I do and the things that people do. This does not mean that everything that I'm doing is like calculated, you know? Yeah. So that I just want to tell you that. So, first of all, usually I would wake, I would be late. Like, because like we are in with three people in my room, right? It's a big room with three people, and then the other room, there's like this like separation where there's like a door, but there's really no door, like an arch, you would say, except it's not shaped like an arch. Uh, and then there is two more other people. So basically you would say five people, right? And so people have to get up, take a shower, and all these things. And I prefer, look, look, I believe showering is uh something that is meant to be done without pressure. So I would wake up late and then my friends would be like, Nick, we've been waking you up. Not my friends, actually. Actually, I can't use the word friends because I found out in the middle of this trip that like one of the guys was a pedophile. Yeah. Oh, crazy, crazy. It was a dark time, anyways. This guy is like my age, mate, but he's a pedophile. And we all found out that he was a pedophile, and you bet you best believe that he was called out. He was called out. That's why I can't say friends. So uh, me and the people in this room, so this the people in this room would be like, oh, we've been waking you up for the past uh one hour, and I would wake up immediately and I would be like, I hate all of you. Why didn't you wake me up? But also, like uh a part of me is like, uh, this was before the guy became a pedophile, but that I would be like talking to all of them, but then when he became a pedophile and I called him out, and he still went on doing what he was doing, basically being in a relationship and like with an underage girl, a 17-year-old girl who we later found out is actually a 15-year-old. That's what it was said. But the thing is, she it's known, it's a known fact that she was an underage girl. Because like this program was like uh it has like people of all ages, right? I mean, we had a teacher, we had people of my age, we had people younger, people who are younger than me, we had people who were like young, like high school, high school people. It was it was it's meant to like shh mirror like real life, right? So we have all these organized like breakfasts and lunches and and places to visit and activities and games, and it was so much fun for the whole week. So this one guy who happens to be in the same room as me. I mean, I'm even scared to use the word roommate, ended up being in a relationship with an underage girl who was 17. No one was pleased with it, which is something I am very happy to see that people can stand up for for things like those. And I am so proud of myself that I stood up for this thing, I didn't let it slide. Or I am telling you, the day I saw that they were like, I was like, oh, why are these people touching each other? I was like, actually, I was not like why this I was like, why is this guy? Because that's the thing, like, that's the thing about like underage, anyone who is an who is underage, the whole situation is a manipulative situation, even though someone will be like, oh, they wanted to. No, they didn't. You are the adult, you are the one who is responsible in this situation. You're manipulating someone who is whose brain is not developed enough to make decisions for themselves. That's why they are called minors, and that's why they are under parents. You hear me? You hear me? And if you're listening to this and you know someone who is in a relationship with anyone who is a minor, now you know it's your responsibility. Call them out. I remember that night we were like playing board games, uh, because we would we were playing a lot of games on the street, and I noticed, I was like, um, okay, why are you touching an underage girl that way? That is not a friendly touch. No, no, no. And I saw it, and I was like, that's weird, that's very weird. I called him out the same night. I was like, what is going on? What is going on? And he was like, oh, and he was trying to talk to me in this way that's like, oh, like, oh, you know, like when people are like, oh, bro, I'll like I'm I'm just I'm I'm like informing you what's going on between me and this girl. And he was like, oh bro, I don't know what to do. I was like, um, you shouldn't be doing anything. That is an underage girl. Like, imagine I ask him what is going on. He can even read my face to be like, uh, this is not great. Which shocks me even more. And he's like, bro, like, he's trying to be like casual with me. And I'm like, hey, hey, this ain't no casual situation, bro. Bro, mind you. I don't even say bro. And I'm not your bro. I'm not a bro with a pedophile. Uh, so I tell him, you know, she's an underage girl, right? You know she's 17 years old. You can't be doing later. People were saying that she's 15. I was like, whatever. Whatever the age is, you know she's an underage girl. If she told you she's 17, that is a minor. 15 is a minor. I mean, we all know the age of minors. So I call him out and he goes, Oh, I won't I won't do anything with her, blah, blah, blah. Mind you, he's saying this with hickeys. With hickees on his neck. I'm like, you can't be doing such things. Why would you even think it's okay? I call him out and he goes, Oh, I won't do anything anymore. Guess what? He continues till I'm, guys, there's only so much you can do. He goes on to be like Lavi Davi with this girl. You know what? Let me tell you something. Everybody hated him. People kept on calling him out. And the girl, now, the thing is, like, it's so unfortunate that the girl is like uh one of those like pick me girls, right? Uh, let me let me like she's she's like a really she's a pick me girl. And so people ended up hating the both of them. And I was like, I mean, if you're gonna hate the girl, hate her for like what she's doing, like because she's a pick me and like because she's like you know, for the way she is. But people were hating her, I guess for both that she's a pick me, and she's like in that whole situation because they ended up doing some really disrespectful things. And uh I don't I don't know if I should even get into it. Uh so uh let me just go ahead and and and put this out. It was a great time, there were so many good things. We cried so much on the last day. Oh my god, we cried. Oh my god, we cried. We cried like it was like if you watch the documentary of how they made Stranger Things Season 5, the way they cried when they were rapping, that is how we cried. That is how we cried, and like the whoever was in charge of the music that day, uh that was not fair because they put really, really, really sad music, and we cried so much, like my eyes were red. It was it was a life-changing experience. I will forever remember my trip to Serbia. But there were also some things on the way that were unpleasant, and it was this situation. So, let me let me back you up for a sec. So in this, in this, in this whole week, uh, I wouldn't say I don't want to say the whole 10 days, because like uh some of these days were travel days. In this whole week that I was in Serbia, we were like people from different countries, right? I met so many new people. So I came with some people from Poland, and we went there and we met like uh we met some people from Italy, there was this group of like Italians from Altamura, yeah, from Altamura, Italy, and then we met this group from Macedonia, and there was this another, uh, there was another group from Montenegro, and there was another group from Serbia, the people who were like from from Serbia, and there was let me see if I'm forgetting anything. Poland, Macedonia, Montenegro, Serbia, uh, Italy, and uh where else? I think that's all. Yeah, I think that's all. I don't think I'm forgetting anything. Yeah, so we spent we spent all the whole week together. We sp basically this this like you would say we spent like this, let's say nine or eight days together. And it's made me realize that that maybe that's maybe that's maybe that's too much time to spend with people, especially if you're like like you know, you got to you sleep in the same place and like you eat in the same place. I was like, uh, that is a long time. Because I guarantee you by the eighth day, I was like, I am about to reap out my own hair one by one. Not all the time, but like at certain times, I was like, I am about to reap out my hair one by one. So now I as I told you, I was the last one to to sign up for this whole trip. So I found out was when I was in Warsaw for like some work things. I found out that like you guys are going to this. Like, sir, I wanna go too. So I was the last one to join. Like, I agreed that I am going. I agreed today, and tomorrow I went to like I no, I agreed today, and then I had to wait for them to be like, oh, we're checking all the bookings to see if there is still some space to accommodate you, right? So the next day it is confirmed that I can go, and I am in Warsaw for like some work things. So I found I find out that like immediately I go back, I only have the next day because I was I was coming back at 11 p.m. I only have the next day, and then we're leaving early morning, 5 a.m. So it was quick. I was like, uh, I guess Serbia is a country, and um let's go. This is this is my line. God works in mysterious ways. I am like, okay, let's go. So at 5 a.m., I take an Uber and I get the slowest Uber driver. Oh my god, I almost missed the train by five minutes. Mind you, I am going blindly. I don't even know what time the train is leaving. This is how how much I was like, uh, this is how spontaneous this whole trip was. I don't even know what time the train is leaving. I get there and I get a call, and my friend is like, Nick, where are you? You only have five minutes to make it, or else you're gonna miss this whole thing. And I'm like, I am I am getting into the train station. I'll be there quickly. And I get there and I'm the last one to board this train. I don't even know, I know some of the people, I don't even know the other people. You know, when you're going on a trip and there's like other people who are like friends of a friend, friend of a friend, right? So I joined, I enter the train, and I am just finding out. I didn't even know that we were gonna be in Budapest. I didn't even know. I thought Budapest was just a stop. I was like, so we had this like uh clean girl type A friend who had all our tickets. At some point, she'd be like, give me all your passports. Like she had our tickets, she'd be like, she would take our IDs. She's like, she's the type of girl who would travel around the world with a white bag and it not be dirty till the day we are coming back. This is this girl. So we get there, and I mind you, I am me, I am like getting into the train. So I get into this train and I sit down just to take a breath. And this, mind you, this guy, oh my god, I this Uber driver, mind it's 5 a.m. It's 5 a.m. I I call the Uber, the waiting time is like 15 minutes. Like, first of all, as I'm requesting the Uber, it's like, oh, six minutes. I'm like, oh, that that will be quick. Immediately as the offer is accepted, like they accept my ride, the waiting time changes to 15 minutes. This has never happened before, and this is the longest 15 minutes of my life. This driver is slow. Oh my god, he's slow. I go out, I'm waiting for him to come down the hill because my house is like down the hill. I'm waiting for him to come down the hill. He's coming down the hill slowly and he's wearing sunglasses at 5 a.m. The only one who can wear sunglasses at 5 a.m. is me and Anawinto. Anyways, he comes down and he's like, he's yelling from his car. Uh by by the way, let me just tell you, I feel like I've told you this before because I recorded a whole episode that ended up not recording. And so now that I'm telling you this, and I feel like I've told you this before, even though I really haven't. He's coming down, like he's yelling from his car. He's like, Do you need help? I have a suitcase. I have another bag that I'm carrying. There's like a carry-on, and and and a big jacket, and like a big jacket that qualifies to be a bag. And I'm like, yeah, he doesn't even come out to help me. I'm like, at this point, I don't need help from somebody who who takes 15 minutes to get here. My injuries was not even that long. And it's 5 a.m. It's 5 a.m. I sit in this car, I am pissed. I am like I put my bags quickly because I'm like, I don't even need your help. It's gonna take you 20 minutes to get from the front of that car to to put my bag at the back of the car. I get into the car quickly, I put on my sunglasses to join him because I'm like, when I am so mad, I don't want to show it because my face is very expressive. I don't want to show it to these people because I'm like, I don't want, I don't want it to be rude. So I put on my sunglasses and I am pissed. I am so pissed. Oh my God. I'm like, if I miss the strength that I don't even know what time is leaving, I was told to be there. At 5 a.m. And honestly, I I who is to blame? I am the one to be blamed because I should have like left, I should have been there at like 4 30. Because if they told me to be there at 5 a.m., I should have been there at 4 30. I except I stayed up all night parking. And at the end of the day, I had to still shower, blah, blah, blah. And in short, it's like five minutes, and I'm the last person to board the train. I get into the train, I'm getting to know everyone, and then I find out in the train. So as I'm getting to know everyone, I meet this guy who's gonna be a pedophile. And this guy knows another guy who is who I have known before. Uh, by the way, if you feel like I'm being so vague, that's because I have decided to share uh some parts of my life, and not everyone has made this decision, so I can't just put on blast people's lives. So, you know, forgive me. Uh it's called respecting people's privacy. I don't want to be invading anybody's privacy. I I don't want to do invasion of privacy, you know. Uh, so I get into I meet this guy, uh, and then he's like, he's like, oh, he's very like jolly at the beginning. He's like, oh, Nick, Nick, you're gonna join, like, uh, he's like, you're gonna join our hood, you're gonna join our hood. Immediately in my head, I'm like, oh, so he says you're gonna join our hood. Now, let me tell you something. The judgment that I am making in my head has nothing to do with the way somebody is saying. I just have this way where I can look at someone and characterize them in my head. It's the director in me. I don't know, is it director or writer? It's the writer in me or the yeah. It's it's the it's the right, it's the sure business part of me where like I can look at someone and be like, this person looks like like I character, I characterize them, I characterize them as a character, like what they would have done if they had their own storyline, right? So I look at this guy and I'm like, uh, this guy looks to me like at some point he's gonna be like, oh, bro, I have the n-word pass. Oh, I have my black friend who gave me the n-word pass. Uh, and he's gonna argue with me that he can say the n-word because his black friend gave him an N-word pass. I don't even wanna get into this topic because I am gonna crash out. But if there is any white man listening to this, there is no N-word pass. You and whoever that black friend of yours gave you the N-word pass, both of you are stupid. There is no N-word pass. It's not real. Nobody can get a pass to say a sla that is offensive and carries millions and millions of traumas and so much deep history of exploitation and so many dark things. There is no N-1 pass. I can't tell you, oh my god, this is one of the hard parts of being black in Europe, is that almost every week you meet white men who are like, oh bro, I have the N word pass. Like, let me tell you. Uh, three days ago, I went to a 2000s party. I had an Afro and a bandana, and I was basically dressed like Michael Jackson. So many people were like, oh, Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson. And I was like, I get like that's not even the issue. It is true I was dressed like Michael Jackson, and honestly, I was inspired by Michael Jackson. I meet people who were like, oh bro, you're so cool, you're so cool. And then I meet this one guy who's like, oh, oh, can I can you give me the N-word pass? Can you give me the N-word pass? And he's like excited, and I'm like, there is no N-1 Pass, it's not real. I mind you, like this and so many other microaggressions that we have to deal with on a day-to-day basis. Uh yeah. Anyways, so my theory is correct because in that one week, at some point, uh this guy goes, by the way, this guy is like an MM enthusiast, right? Uh he goes, at one point he goes, he's talking about something else. At one point he goes, Oh, oh, also, did I tell you this guy says normal? It's normal, bro. It's normal, bro. He says it every after, like, uh, I'm not even kidding, 30 seconds. 30 seconds. Yeah. So at some point this guy goes, Oh, well, if I'm singing a song and they say the N-word, I'm gonna say it because it's just part of the song. In my head, I'm like, this was before he was a pedophile, but like I wish I could react to this situation after I found out after he became the pedophile. I don't know if he has done this before, but I'm gonna work with what I have. I wish I could reply to this after. I would be like, I don't have the energy for this. I'm not arguing with a pedophile, a white man who thinks he can say that. Like, you know, it's so like you guys, I can't even explain it to you. I explain to people, and people like they hold on their foot and they stand on it and they're like, I don't get it, I don't get it. And I'm like, the fact that you feel like you would you would like even think of justifying saying something that is hurting and offensive to so many people, and then you're like finding a way to like be like, I don't understand, I don't understand. It's like like I don't even have to explain to a white person why they shouldn't say the n-word. I never thought I would have to do this explanation. Don't even get me started. When I was in Serbia, I found out that there is a whole there is an this oh my god, there's a full-on song with like two million views in the last, I don't know, couple weeks. In the beginning of this song, mind you, this is a white man. In the beginning of this song, he fully says the N-word, not once. He's like, oh, let's make some music for and then he says the N-word. And then he says, and then I see this other like it's insane. It's insane. I mean, these are the these are the I mean these are the things that happen with some of the the places that you visit. It's like traveling, you learn so much from traveling. There is so many, so much good in it, but there's also so much surprise in traveling. Anyways, my theory ends up being right, this guy is like that. And then throughout this trip, I'm seeing this guy, he's like laughing and being jolly, and and and anyways, anyways, we get to Warsaw and then we get we get on a train on a long train. We have this whole carriage to ourselves, we're like playing board games, and it's like it's a long train, right? So we're playing, we play like, oh, people are playing cards. I can't play cards, so when they play cards, I don't play with them. I mean, I thought I would be reading on this long train, but I didn't read this whole time that I was there. There was there was only one time when I was in Novi Sad, which is a city in Serbia, I read for like a short time on my phone. Not short time, actually, it was like two hours on my phone. And that's because I was waiting for something. That's why I kept on reading. That's why I read. But otherwise, I didn't really have time. I was really present. Also, I was not on social media and I was not having any intention to like, you know, to be like, oh, I'm gonna, I'm I'm gonna like update or post. No. So I was fully present in the moment. So back to like the train on the way to Budapest. We're playing board games, like we're playing like they're playing cards, and then we're playing uh cards against humanity, which was like the wildest game, like cards against humanity. Whoever wrote those cards against humanity. I was like, you uh, I am questioning, uh, I am questioning you, and I am judging you. Whoever wrote those. I mean, they were fun, but like some of them were really insane. And I was like, this sounds like something that comes across your mind for like five seconds, and you're like, I should not be thinking that this guy writes them down. You know, I would say it's a talent though, and then we we play we played this game called Trains. One of one of uh one of the people that we were like six of us from plant, one of the people I was with uh had this game, trains. It's a very I can't it's called, is it called trains? I am calling it trains, but I think it's called something. That's how we called it, by the way. Uh and so like we were playing this game. It's like you all have colours and you have like train carriages, you're like building them from cities. It's like cities in Europe, right? So you can have like a map where you're like you're you're building from like let's say uh let's say London to Paris or somewhere else to somewhere else, somewhere like that. And I let me tell you something. If I am playing a board game, uh I am playing a board game in a way that's like I am on Jimmy Fallon playing the games that they play on a late night show. Because I am an entertainer at heart, right? So all the things that you're thinking in your head while you're playing the game and you're not saying them, I am saying them out loud. I am reacting to every move that people are making. I am an entertainer at heart. It's so much fun to play board games with me because I will let you know how I'm feeling. Like if you make a good move and I'm not so happy about it because I'm very competitive in this game, you will be hearing from me. So I was doing this and it was so much fun. Like everyone was laughing. It was it was great, it was such a great atmosphere, and but like this guy who turns out to be a pedophile, he was also having a great time, honestly, having a great time, but then he would like every once in a while be like, Oh, you talk too much, you too, and I would be like, uh, actually, you can't tell me. You can't be like too much, because it's like on whose limit? On whose limit? You know, and I had already sensed some bad vibes from this guy, but I was like, hey, I don't want to judge people before I get to know them, which is something we all need to do, which is something that I do. That's why I was very nice. I didn't work on any of like the thoughts that I had or any of like the the feelings I had toward this guy of like, oh, there's something very off, something very weird about about this guy, which you know he he's like he turns out to be a pedophile racist, and he doesn't think he's racist. I I can guarantee you that he doesn't think that. But I mean, I've told you. I've told you what this guy thinks. Anyways, so uh when when we get into this train to Budapest, from Warso to Budapest, I mean we had like coffee, breakfast, blah blah blah, and then we get on this train. Uh, I mean, I'm taking you. This is the way I love to tell my stories. I take you, I tell you, like it's it's like it's not like this, then this and this. There's flashbacks and all these things, and that's the way I love to tell it, because I mean, I'm the storyteller and I get to choose how I tell it. By the way, on that note, should I tell you, I cried on the last episode of Stranger Things, the part where Mike was like the storyteller keeps telling stories. I cried. I really cried. Yeah, and the part where they said the graduation scene, because I'm gonna be graduating soon, and I really resonated with what they said. I've probably told you this before in one of the episodes, but anyways, back to the story. So uh well, we're getting into this carriage. This is when we have time to like really get to know each other because we are all in the same carriage. We have like three chairs on this side and three chairs on this side, a table. Like we we have time, like we're helping each other put the bags up, it's a good bonding moment. We sit there and then we start to get to know each other. Like, mind you, this this is what I think. The way you present yourself to people is the way they will take you. So if you immediately show up and you're confident and you start talking to people, people will adjust to that vibe. And yeah, I want a good vibe, so I'm gonna go ahead and create it. So I am getting there, like I'm making jokes, I'm like saying this and that, and then I start to tell them, I'm like, uh, by the way, guys, like I'm making jokes. I'm like, whoever sits next to me, we are sharing your lunch, blah, blah, blah, and we are laughing. And then we I get into the carriage, I'm like, I have this bag, my carry-on basically can survive the apocalypse. I'm not even kidding. I have every single thing. I am very type A when it comes to these things. Because my mom raised me in a way that's like, oh, what if you need this? What if this happens? Like, be ready. My mom raised me like to be prepared. Be prepared is what my mom is and is what I am. And she taught me how to pack things and arrange a bag so I can fit so much into things. Like when I am walking, if I sweat, I have deodorant. And this has helped me so much in my career. This has helped me in like because like you, these are the things they tell you. I mean, it's even in like in contracts and stuff, like you know, prepare yourself for have this, this, this, blah, blah, blah. But I had this naturally. So if I sweat, I have deodorant because I don't want to be uncomfortable. At one point, I may leave and go to the bathroom and come back uh a little bit more confident. That's because I went to freshen up. I pop some mints to make my breath fresh. I chew some gum, and then I put some lip balm. I don't want to have dry lips, and then I have like my mouth spray, and then I have some deodorant, I spray, and then I put some a little bit of perfume, I reapply my sunscreen. I I have like if I I'm about to eat, I have hand sanitizer I didn't have for a long time because I feel like I was having too many things. But recently I got one that like is like flat and it really fits well, it's not bulky, and then I have like hand cream and I have so many things, right? And so, you know, this is not the way most like traditional men are, right? But uh I mean, even the word traditional is not even very, it's not something that can be like, hey Nick, you wanna be normal? No, I'm sorry. I will do what I wanna do. And when my skin is dry and when I feel like, oh, I I've sweated a bit, maybe I'm maybe I'm stinking, or when I'm like, oh, I've been sleeping in this train, maybe my breath is not fresh. I am not very confident when I'm like that. So I if I if I if that means I need to carry a tote bag full of everything I need, I will do that. I will do that, and so that's what I did. So I was like, guys, if you need anything, I have it. And basically, these people don't expect me to have anything, but I have them. So I'm like, mouthspray, and then I pull it out and everyone laughs. And then I'm like, your hands are dry, you need a hand cream. I'm basically making it into like a commercial. By the way, that's such a good commercial for a tote bag. Anyways, uh, if anyone uses this idea, credit me. And so I'm like, you need a hand cream? I have it. You need deodorant? I have it. Oh, you you you wanna feel fresh? I have I'm showing all the things, and every time I pull out something, it's a laugh. It's a laugh. This guy, the pedophile guy, goes, mind you, everyone else is super nice. That's why I keep reverting back to this guy. He and he doesn't even think, he probably doesn't even think that that was like wrong. He goes, Can I ask you a personal question? Uh immediately I'm like, uh, excuse me, did you in my head? I'm like, did you just ask me if you could ask me a personal question by making an announcement? Excuse me, uh, those things don't seem to go together. What do you mean? Can I ask you a personal question? And you're on the mic? And then I go in the nicest way possible. Mind you, I'm controlling my facial expressions. I am like trying, I'm being nice. I go, no. And then like one of like the one of like the type A girl who has like our passports and everything, the clean girl, right? She goes, she goes, oh yeah, like when I say no, he thinks like there's like a communication barrier or something. Uh, because not everyone has like the the best English, you know. And he and then she goes, she's like, oh, I mean, he's asking if he can ask you a personal question because like, you know, you don't know each other that much. And then I go, yeah, I understood. And I said no. And he goes, Why? I'm like, well, in my experience, if you have to ask someone, may I ask you a personal question? It's usually something that you shouldn't even be asking in the first place. Right? I mean, there are some things that you just have to wait until you've known someone well enough for them to either tell you or for it to come up naturally, or like know them for like a long time for you to get to a point where you can ask, I just met you in this train. I just met you, bro. And you're asking me if you can ask me a personal question publicly in front of everyone? That doesn't sound like a personal question. That sounds like you want to be mean. Because if it was really personal, you wouldn't ask it publicly. You would have waited for a moment when like maybe people are sleeping or something and be like, hey, bro, I have a personal question. I would have understood. I would have still said no, because we're still new, but I would have understood. You're like, oh, you're actually making an effort to make it personal, right? Right? And then I go, no, and he goes, Oh, and I see it in his face, it changes. I feel like this guy is used to getting away with things and not really getting like called out. And then I go, uh, when when I tell him that, he go, he, he, his face changes, and he's like, mind you, I'm good at reading people. Uh, he goes, Oh, I can see in his eyes, he's like, Okay, uh, I guess I can't really mess around as much as I thought I could. And so from then, he's a little bit, I can feel it's a little bit different to the way like I can feel it. It's like he's like holding back a little bit. So I'm like, there is definitely worse things to this guy that I can't see yet because he's seen how capable I am. Because most people, when they put you on a pedestal like that in front of people and they tell you something like that, most people would be like, and I I for a long time would be like, uh, okay, ask me. I mean, no. No, I mean, I was like, uh, you came at the wrong time. Like, if you came earlier, those days when I was like a chronic people pleaser, you would have gotten away with whatever you're gonna ask. Yeah, I mean, take a hint to anyone listening to this. If you have to start the sentence with, don't take this the wrong way, maybe you don't need to say it. I mean, maybe, I mean, you can say it, but like if you really, really think of it, if you really, really sit down most of the times, it's something that you would be much better off not saying. I mean, I try my level best to really accommodate someone and to really accommodate people. And like most people don't have that. Like, you know, you'll sit at a table and people would be like speaking uh like a whole other language, and there's like two people who don't understand it, and nobody's even like even making an effort to be like, oh, we're just talking about something, just to even like update, like not all the time we want to know what's going on, but like just to even like update and be like we're talking about something like you know, no people don't have that. But I and many other people that I know, we've learned in our lives to be like accommodative to other people, right? And that's because you know how it feels to be like, you know, left out in situations or to be like uh uncomfortable. People don't have this, people don't think like, oh, you know, and we all make mistakes. I'm not perfect, and other people are not perfect. We all make mistakes, but like let's all just try our level best to really like think of others, right? Before you ask somebody a personal question out loud in front of everyone, uh, just think of the fact that it's actually, I mean, this person may answer you your question because they don't want to like embarrass you in front of everyone by being like, you shouldn't be asking me that publicly, and you shouldn't be asking me that at all. You know, they might not tell you that because they they they put your feelings into consideration even though you didn't put their feelings into consideration. I mean, obviously, we can always be like we I mean, obviously, most of the times there's like a route of people pleasing where like they can't call out someone. But yeah, and I know I look like I can call someone out in the meanest way, but most of the times I don't. I mean, I would even be like I actually don't. But anyway, so this guy ends up being that. So, anyways, I recorded this episode with the aim of telling you that I am like adapting to like this, uh, to coming back to life. Like I'm going to school, like I'm waking up in the morning, and there is like uh there is nobody making my coffee, and uh, there is no like arranged activities, there is no like a board where like we write our names and be like, oh, this is what I'm gonna eat for lunch, this is what I'm gonna eat for dinner. There is no like updates of like, oh, this is where we're gonna have lunch, this is where we're gonna have dinner, there is no breakfast buffet, like there is no, there is no waking up, walking into the room, and and like walking into the breakfast room, taking off my sunglasses and kissing all my Italian friends who are having a cappuccino and a sweet breakfast, you know. The pastries are cleared because the Italians are here. Oh, did I rhyme? The pastries are cleared because the Italians are here. Oh, wait, make that into a rap song. The pastries are cleared because the Italians are here. I didn't know that I I can like make beats. I mean, they're not like obviously the best, but like I can make beats with my mouth, like uh like what I just did, and people have it, you know. But then again, there's the thing where it's like, you know, when you're black in Europe, anything you do, like the minorest of movements, is considered cool. So we can put that into consideration. But people were so happy, and some people would even come up to me and be like, Can you do like the beats thing? And I would do it. Uh well, if it was good, that's up for debate. But, anyways, I'm trying to like come back into real life and be like, uh, I actually can't stay up really, really late like I used to, and and and be okay the next day. I can't have coffee past certain times. Yeah, I can't just use my towel and then just hang it up somewhere and find fresh towels replaced for me. I just can't go downstairs and be like, oh, here's my laundry, and then find it folded on my bed. I have to do it myself. I have to make my own coffee. By the way, I sound like a brat. I don't think any of these things are tedious. I'm just highlighting the contrast. I can't just be kissing with Italians anytime I want. When I say kissing, I mean the greeting, the way Italians kiss when they greet. I just can't go into the room where the Montenegro slick back girls are and see who's bleaching their hair. I just can't uh ask Italians to teach me random Italian words. I can't hop into conversations like sir with Serbians and be like, da da da. Because like that's how they say yes. I can't interfere Italians talking and be like, see, see, see, see. I can't, you know? Yeah. And that's okay. And that's what makes it beautiful, and that, you know, I don't want to be like, oh, I'm so sad it ended, because I'm like, that's what makes it beautiful. I miss the people so much, but every time I remind myself that like what makes it beautiful is that it doesn't last forever, or else you would get used to it and you wouldn't be as valuable as it is. And I learned a lot. I learned that, like, you know, you can just have memories just for you. You know, you can take photos and have them be just for you, you can meet people and then have an impact on them, and they have an impact on you. And always forever remember that you can learn things, you can do things. I mean, people can assume things. Uh, did I tell you everyone that I left with from Poland to Serbia? I mean, we were I was with them also in Budapest, they all think I have a shopping problem. Which, if I'm being honest, I am flattered because that's like Ozempic allegations, right? You know, when people get Ozempic allegations, they're like, guys, I don't take Ozempic, but you can tell that they're like enjoying that they have these allegations because it's like, I don't know. You know, when like people say something about you, but it's kind of like it's kind of like a good thing to not really good, I don't know. I don't know how to explain it to you. I am not entirely mad that they think I have a shopping problem, but the truth is I don't have a shopping problem. I may have a problem with buying sawagamis, which I have handled, cause I got to a point where I'll be like, every like, I would be like, every after five minutes, I'll be like, I could use a pack of sawgamis. And everyone would be like, of course you could, Nick. You always need sawagamis. But I haven't had sawagamis in the last actually, I haven't had sawagamis ever since I came back, and that's been like a long time. So yeah, I'm actually doing great. So I actually don't have that problem. So there is so much that you learn from traveling. And this is what I this is my advice to you. If you have an opportunity to travel, take it. Uh, of course, be smart with it. And if when I say if you have opportunity, I mean if you are able to go, right? Take it. But then also if there is like a little bit of risk that may be involved, like going to a country that you just found out about and you're not like me. I mean, if I would have to talk about like uh the racism and the experience of being black in Serbia, I would have to do a whole other episode. I mean, these are the things that come with it, you know, everything has its pros and cons. So, but at the end of the day, I feel like the good always outweighs the bad if you're positive enough. If you're positive. So that's my advice to you. And I may keep sharing more about this trip, or I may have an entirely different topic next week and maybe share another day. Uh yeah, but I came back and I was like, everything got serious. Yeah, everything got serious. I have the graduation coming up, I am learning my lines, I am like uh printing scripts, highlighting, uh, all these things. I have a show coming up, a theater show coming up. I have my thesis. I'm working on my thesis because you know I'm graduating, I have to pick my outfits for my graduation. There is a lot going on. There is a lot going on. And you know what? If you feel like you have a lot going on in your life, it's okay. I understand you. Today I was talking to somebody and they were like, sometimes I'm so exhausted, I can't even join an online class. And by joining an online class, it's like just clicking a link. And you know what? I understand. And I have had this, I had this, I've had a similar experience, which is why I told you I had to go and pay my dues today. Like, I had to show up to my some of my professors and be like, hey, I know I've not been a good boy, but hey, we can work something out. Yeah, so if you're feeling overwhelmed, I just want to tell you, it's okay. And if you're feeling like if you've had something good and now you're like mourning that it's gone, just think that that's what makes it beautiful. It's because it's not forever, and that's what makes life beautiful because we don't live forever. That's why it's important that you do what you love and go out and explore. And yeah. And if you're in a position where you can't do that right now, don't worry. You will get to a point where you will be able to do that and more. I love you so much. See you next week.