Episode 2- New Years Resolutions Gone Hilariously Wrong. Top 5 Worst New Years Resolutions

Funny Comedy Podcast - Rowd and Loudy

Episode 2 New Years Resolutions Gone Hilariously Wrong

in this episode we recap some funny stories from the year and do our top 5 worst new years resolutions. 

ROWD and LOUDY is the ultimate comedy podcast where two best friends share hilarious, never-before-heard stories in every episode! Tune in for laughs, surprises, and spontaneous humor as each episode features fresh, funny tales that one of the hosts has never heard before. Plus, every episode includes a Top 5 list where we rank and discuss random topics, adding even more fun to the mix. Whether you’re into storytelling, comedy, or just want to hear two friends banter about life, ROWD and LOUDY has you covered.

Listen now for your weekly dose of laughter, entertainment, and raw, unfiltered humor.

Comedy, Funny Stories, Humor Podcast, Best Friend Podcast, Hilarious Podcast, Top 5 Podcast, Hilarious Podcast, Storytelling Podcast, Weekly Comedy Show, Laugh out Loud Podcast, Unfiltered Humor.

Transcript

Welcome to the podcast. We have a great story for you tonight. Here's a game plan. We're going to go over the top five recap from our Santa's naughty list episode five Gifts to not buy your wife or significant other to hear the previous ten ideas Eric's top five and my top five listen to the previous episode the same way you're listening now, whichever way that is We're 2024 past New Year's fails memories Good stories.

We're going to have a good time. Also count down the top five worst resolutions people could make. As always on this show, I have no idea what Eric is going to say, and he has no idea what my list. involves. Tune in and let's toast to make the better, make the year better, or at least funnier. Resolutions next time.

Eric. What's up everybody? So as Brad said, we're going to get into a quick top five from our last episode. Um, Titled Santa's Naughty List, me and Brad both did a top five of the worst gifts to buy your wife or significant other Kind of set the scene a little bit funky. Uh, Brad had a card for everyone that made me really really crack up because And the card would say So our recap of those, uh top five funniest that we thought if you disagree with us, please let us know We would love to have any sort of interaction with you and feedback Um, so we're going to have some better top five, you know, better ones.

Yeah, better. Uh, you know, just don't cross too many lines. I know we already did that. I'm well aware of that. Um, all right, so let's get into it. So we kind of put together a top five, um, of the 10 previous ideas. Uh, number five, two DNA tests. Two of them one for me and one for our son. No way. I'm the dad, but if I am yeah, that's cool So that's that's the that's number five.

We're gonna go from five to one. Yeah So that would be a horrible gift again for a family Number four was a sex casket And as Brad says, the card would say, I'm dying to be inside you. And that was an absolutely funny one for me. That one kind of had me rolling. Um, I just wasn't expecting, the card would say, that was my absolute favorite part because I feel like we both had an assignment of like five funny things to do, to nail.

And I feel like we kind of interpreted it differently. Yeah. Right. Absolutely. And I feel like you did a really good job of explaining like the surroundings more where I went right into it, right? Like I just like went right into like, here's what it is. Bridget doesn't like it. You know, it was all hilarious.

Um, so number three was a visit to the vet to get a spade and the card says, I hope you'll stop being such a bitch. And from that, somehow we incorporated David Spade in the card. Maybe the queen of spades popping out, but we think it would solve a lot of problems for her and maybe the relationship will get stronger.

I think it would. I think absolutely would get stronger. That's a whole new thing. We're going for you. That's a routing Lottie podcast. We're making relationships better. And number two, I think would be a great gift. You know, I really, it's a bondage bouquet. So, um, what this is, is it's whips, a zipper mask, anal beads.

A giant bottle of lube, you name it, all sorts of just weird bondage toys in front of her family. So you're looking to take that next step, right? Right. The next level. And the number one, which is funny too, because right before Brad dropped this on me, he said, I had a lot of trouble with these last two.

And I'm thinking to myself, like a comedian wrote the last one that you came up with, which is our top one of, of the last episode. So the top, you know, Of the top five goes to Mr. Brad this week. So a book titled how to resolve family conflict authored and written by the Mendez, which I thought was absolutely ridiculous.

So, I mean, it has to be in front of family. In front of the whole family, you know, like the, everybody, everybody that you've ever had a family get together that. Yeah. Oh my gosh. But that, that one had me rolling buddy. That one had me absolutely rolling. Just like, just thinking of like a girl opening that gift.

Right. Oh yeah. Oh my god. So yeah, once again, if you want to listen to the rest of those, um, those are, um, uh, you know, Apple, Spotify, uh, YouTube, uh, any way that you're listening, iHeartRadio, um, just listen to episode one and you'll have our full top five. They're definitely raunchy and they're definitely out there, but I think you'll enjoy it.

Oh yeah, absolutely. Uh, so yeah, so we're coming up to New Year's. Yes. Shit, dude. What are we talking? It's going to be 2025. 2025 in a matter of a few days. Actually, I think we should drop this episode on New Year's Day. I think so, too. I think that's what the people want. Because there's going to be plenty of people that are just going to be waiting for this to come out.

Oh, yeah. I think I checked the other day. Our analytics. We had like, 14 listens and I'm pretty sure it was all like me and family, but you know what? Someday when people hear this, yeah. Their lives are gonna be better. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I'm confident in that. Their lives are gonna change. Yes, because everything we're trying to accomplish here is we're not trying to get notoriety or anything.

We're literally two blue collar guys that have hilarious conversations that are like, let's buy some fucking microphones and get it going. Right, right. Because we want the world to laugh a little bit. Absolutely. And you know, our dream is to Interact with our fans and people, you know, if we get fans, that'd be cool, dude.

That'd be sweet, right? That's the next step. That would be great. Yeah, people that actually want to listen. Yeah, but you know what 13 in 2024 I am confident we'll get to 26 in 2025. I'm sure we can double it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. Double the pleasure. Double the fun. Double the roud and loudy gum.

Oh my God. Oh, so, so what's going on with you this year with, uh, with New Year's? You got any big plans? Got anything going on? Uh, yeah, I actually, I got some friends coming over. Uh, we're gonna, we're gonna get together. We'll have a little, Horty vorties, you know. What's horty vorties? Hors d'oeuvres, but it's spelled.

Oh my god, dude. There's so many things like that, like jalapenos. Oh yeah, yeah. Horty vorties, man. Jalapeno? Who gets an H? Jalapeno. Dude, we live in a town that makes no fucking sense though, right? Like Like Portage, Kalamazoo, we have Pfizer. Why, why do you need the P? I get it's probably for pharmaceuticals, but like, we're over it.

You know, spell the shit with an F, it's fine. Who goes to a phone book back when phone books were phone books and like, hey, call Pfizer. Right. I'm not seeing it. Like, did you check in the P's?

I don't know, man. There's a lot of shit like that. If you look at the English language itself. I know. There's a lot of shit like that. Like that's dope could mean a lot of things. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I'd hit that is completely different if you're like driving by and your ex is walking down the road.

I'd hit that. I'd hit that. I'd hit that. No, we can't talk about violence. I get what you're saying. I get what you're getting at though. We're just not violent people. All right. But I do have a good story. Okay. Is this a New Year's story or story from last year? This is, so, I believe this is New Year's story.

This was happened on New Year's. This is about the first time that I tried pot. Ever. Ever. Okay. How old were you? I think I was 19 or 20. I think I was 20. Where were you living at the time? Uh, I was living in, in Grand Rapids area. Okay. Yeah, so I was working at a pizza point, a pizza joint. Right. Delivering pizzas and the whole group of us, all the employees got together.

And I think there was a couple of different stores because you know, it's a chain, you know? So I think we all got together and there's probably 25, 30 people there. And at a store or no, no, no, no, no. We went somebody's house and I don't even remember whose house it was. Okay. But we show up and we're We're just hanging out.

They've got some music going on. I've got drinks, you know, shit like that. And this, no, actually we didn't have, I don't know. Shit, I don't remember dude. You probably don't bring your own pizza to a party with people. No, I mean, you know You work at a pizza joint. Pizzas like you have pizza every damn day.

So we probably didn't have pizza. But anyway Taco Bell. Yes So we're just hanging out and there's a little baggie like a Ziploc bag coming around and there's weed in it, you know And I'm like, yeah shit. I'll give it a try. Mm hmm You And so packed a little bowl. And, uh, How many people were smoking of the 25?

Oh, I don't know. This day we're passing it. Like everybody or? I don't think it was ever, they were just passing the baggy around and like whoever wanted to partake. You took the bag, you took the weed and put it in the bowl. Like each person got a hit or? No, no, no. Like you gotta let me explain, dude. So let me get there.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, my bad, my bad. Trying to, trying to understand. So I packed the bowl, right. And I hit it. And like, a couple minutes go by and I'm like, just really not feeling anything. So I like, I hit another one, right? Dude, like 10 minutes later, I am seeing fucking stars. Like shit is spinning.

It's fucking, whoa, what the fuck's going on? And you know, we're at somebody's house and I'm like, I'm hungry. You know, now I got the Uh, no. Okay. I don't. So I go to the kitchen, right? And I find microwave popcorn. Fuck yeah. Dude, I put it in the microwave. I put it in the microwave and I fucking, I start giggling and shit.

It was like pushing the buttons like this is going to be okay in my head. I'm like, this is going to be fucking epic. And I'm watching this fucking microwave spin and like pop in the popcorn and As soon as it starts popping, dude, it's like the funniest fucking sound that I've ever heard in my life. I'm just staring at this fucking microwave just giggling my fucking ass off, you know?

In front of your co worker. In front of M Duty. I have no idea who's behind me watching me. I'm Brad and I'm here. Oh, yeah. Yep. It was just, it was like, Oh my God. But yeah, it was, it was a funniest. I mean, popcorn isn't funny at all, right? No. But when you're high and you're watching popcorn pop, it's the funniest fucking thing.

Because it's just like watching science, you know, it's like, how, how do you work? Who started this? Like who brought this bag here and these kernels and we're like, you know what? You throw it in this radiation robot thing, dude. You know what? You got perfect popcorn. Yeah. Never been funny, but it is funny when you're high.

Oh yeah. Whoever made microwave popcorn. Brilliant. Or frozen pizza. Like, right. Like I eat that shit all the time. Yeah. Like a Jack's still good. You know, I'll do those ads for free, man. You know, as long as I get four of them in my freezer, I'm golden. Like, yeah. Yeah, I'll give you a blurb, you know, yeah, so I got a I got a pretty funny New Year's Eve story from from the old roots Right.

Okay. Last time I told the story of breaking my aunt's window and actually funny real quick sidebar, right? So I listened to the to the show with my father in law. Okay, Papa. Yep. Yep who you know very well. Yeah You know and we listened to him. We laughed our ass off. So this is probably two nights ago and you know I Smoking a little bit, you know, hanging out, listen to the episode.

We want to be proper when we listen to it. Yeah. So I gotta be in the right, right for my mind. Yeah. So I stop him and I say, Hey man, Hey, you know, shoot me straight. What's up? Like, what'd you think of this? Like, you know, cause me and Brett, we don't really know. Like we're not, we're not even podcast people.

We're just here and we're having a fricking blast. So that's what we're going to do. And he goes, you know, honestly, Eric, I think you nailed it. But one thing I will say is that, um, your Aunt Mary might be a little pissed off. You know, when she hears this. And I looked at him with the biggest smile on my face and I said, well, you know.

Yeah, she's going to tell me about that someday when I get up there to talk to her, but she's not here right now. So I think everything's fine. You just started dying, dude. And trust me, if she was here, she would not be mad about that story. That's the best part about it. You know what I mean? She was my homie.

She thinks that's funny too. Right. We're not out here to out people. We're just out here to tell funny stories, but I thought it was hilarious that that was his feedback. You know? Oh yeah. Um, so the story that I got, uh, is New Year's Eve actually in, so it would be 1999 transitioning to 2000. Alright, alright.

Y2K. Y2K, oh shit. So Y2K was kind of a weird time. Do you remember that? Oh, yeah. Everyone's freaking out. Right? There's all this world is ending. Computers are going to stop. And let's make it clear. This is when the Macintosh looked bigger than the tube television in your living room. Right? Like the Macintosh would take up a whole counter now.

Yeah. Right. The gate gateway. I had a gateway. Why did they have cows on the box? Everyone wants to know why on the box? Like, yeah. Or like why? I don't know if it's your marketing or what, but there's a reason that you're not the gateway to a computer success, you know? Oh yeah. So everyone's freaking out. My parents have a get together every year and it's, it's not so much family.

So like me and my brother are invited, but it's more of our friends from church and our friends from the, the, you know, the school. Okay. Um, things of that nature. So, you know, Danny from Bart Bauer. Oh yeah. He was there. Okay. So it's a lot of our buddies like that. We were all kind of the same age. So I actually met Danny through church, which is wild.

Right. And I know that it's wild that we're saying that on a podcast right now, but I like to be honest, you know, and we've been homies since we were five. So my dad's always been a prankster. I mean, he's just a really funny guy. I think you met him at the hospital when my son was born. No, actually I met him at your Sons, it was at your diaper party.

Oh, dude. Yeah. The diaper party at main street. Good times. I've got a story for that later. Yeah. That'll come up in the top five. Yeah. So. So we all get together at my parents house. There's probably, I don't know, if I had to guess, probably twenty people, you know, probably six kids, probably fourteen adults, right?

So it's all the kids, it's all the people from church, all the people from our neighborhood, whatever, we all kind of get together. And they got together at my parents house, once again, my dad's a funny guy. So, we're getting together and we're getting ready for the ball to drop, right? It's funny when you say that out loud, isn't it?

Like, we're getting ready for the ball to drop. Like, it sounds like we're getting ready for a bunch of, like, pre pubescent teens to, you know, have their moment. Um, you know, it's getting, it's getting close to, you know, five minutes. The, you know, the countdown's going. So all the kids are downstairs. All the parents are downstairs.

We're all kind of gathered there. And, um, it starts, you know, so 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, we just hear BOOM! And everything goes dark in my basement. TV turns off, lights turn off, breakers off, right? We can't find my father anywhere. He is dying laughing. He was in our, so our utility room is actually connected to our basement.

So it's right around the corner. So as soon as it hit zero, he pulled the breaker. And so for a second, everybody in my group thought the world had ended. No, like it was like, Oh my gosh, all these idiots on television are right. Like, you know, all these like, well, you know, we don't have anything to talk about.

So here's our, our latest news bait is the world ending with Y2K. Oh my god. Pulls the breaker. Everyone freaks out. I'll never forget that year. That's awesome. That's awesome. We had a wild neighbor too that like, she'd always get loaded. Like just hammer drunk. She was a riot. So no one cared. She called my mom and dad that year at like three in the morning was like, there's a couch on fire in the middle of the street.

Like we're looking out the window, like, no, there's not like, come on, Jane, the party's still going. Like, come on, let's all hang out. And it's like. She's wasted. No shit. Let's stay indoors. So did, was there people screaming and shit? Like when the lights went out? It was pure chaos. It was pure chaos. Like it was, to this day is one of the best pranks I've ever seen.

Oh dude, I wish I could go back and do that. It just makes sense. Like, and I think that like part of his way of thinking is kind of why we're here. Right? Like I have the same brain. Like I just do. I got to get these out, you know? Right. But yeah, that was absolutely just hysterical, you know, just like there was actual panic, you know?

Yeah. Like a second with a Titanic at that glacier, you know? And they're like, this shit's real. We're not on a cruise anymore. You know? Like a survival, right? Like, like that was kind of the moment, right? Like we had just hit the glacier. Yeah. Oh, shit. And if it weren't for him laughing, it would have been awful.

Oh, yeah. Right? Had we not been able to hear him? You couldn't control it. It was him and another dad. I want to say it was Danny's dad. Oh, yeah. They both have that goofy mindset. The gray people. That's awesome. Oh, man. I want to go back and do that. I want to go back in time and do that. Dude. And then the other stuff I got, I mean, do you got any other, uh, New Year's Eve stories or any, any stories from, from last year that are kind of funny or cool?

I think we should talk about the Bart Bauer bash. I think that's a great, great idea. So the Bart Bauer bash is actually something that me and a friend of my name, Danny created, which we had a couple, a couple of bachelor parties in the same year, and we looked at each other and said, fuck, fuck, man, let's do this.

Hell yeah. So what it is is we get, uh, how many did we have last year? There was 10 10 10 guys. Okay. So what we do every year is we actually get we rent a house somewhere a big house You know multiple bedrooms nobody in the house snoring

That's some bullshit right there set up. We have a giant beer pong, which is just five gallon buckets and basketballs. We play poker every night. Uh, we actually do what's kind of funny. It's called a movie draft. So we have everybody pick a couple of movies when we get there and then we just put them on rotation.

So I have a binder that I collected from all these Goodwills and all these garage sales that just have hilarious movies in them. Old school rush hour, American pie, you name it. Yep. Um, classics. But yeah, so we actually adopted a dog last year, um, at the Bart Bauer Bash, which was pretty cool. Um, yeah, you want to Belvedere.

Belvedere, yeah. So Do you want to tell the tale of Belvedere or should I? I, so I, I, you talked to the, the homeowner. It was actually, so we were at an Airbnb and there's this statue. Yes. Baldwin, Michigan. It was a statue and, um, it was a belt. It was a, like a Butler bulldog. So it was a dog. Has a little tray like picture like a cheesy dog with like a monoc, monocle, Monocle, yes.

Oh my gosh and he's got a tray and all we put on that tray during our adventure at the bar bar bash was what was what Brad? It was there like 50 joints at least. Yeah so when people come out to to this 12 of us we all get together it kind of changes year to year but We keep it under 200 bucks and includes all meals breakfast lunch and dinner it includes beer includes weed It includes snacks dude, and it's under 200 bucks and you have you have a bed to sleep in too It's not like you're sleeping on the floor.

Oh, yeah, it was nice. So we we ended up golfing last year for one day Yep. That was a riot. I'd I'd wait. I'd smoked way too many joints. Yeah. And be physical again. Everyone's like, wow, you're doing really good. And it's like, am I, am I, I haven't heard that compliment out here on a golf course in a while, you know, but the other thing that was fun was the games.

So we do a games every year and this is kind of where Belvedere gets incorporated. So we adopted a bulldog Butler statue named Belvedere. And the homeowners, I got to give a shout out to the homeowners cause they were awesome for letting us take, we, I don't remember how much money we came up with. It was 56 in a roll of, of, uh, of paper towels.

That's, that's what we left in the six pack of cruise light. Oh yeah. Yes. Those three things. 56. Paper towel still in the wrapper still in the wrapper. That's important six pack of course

So we contacted the homeowner we're like hey, um, We're a little bit fucked up right now, but uh, this statue is really cool and it's, it has a purpose and uh, it's kind of part of our tradition. It's part of the group now. Just wondering if you could let us, you know, buy that, is it for sale? And he said, yeah, um, we actually bought it for graduation.

If you guys want it, leave a donation on the counter. And I thought to myself, light bulb, 56, a roll of paper. Paper towel and six course lights should do the trick and it sure did. We did go around and ask people to donate Yeah, then that's all that 56 dollars. That's all we can come up with between dead guys.

Danny threw in, Papa threw in Jake threw in. Yep. Matt threw in Jacko, did Jacko throw in? I'm using that picture Dave Poboda threw in. Yep. I think everyone did. It didn't matter what it was. I think the only one that might not have was Cushman because he was hammered. You know, like, so before this, we played what are called the Bart Bauer Bash Games and there's six games.

So you have a teammate. Uh, the first event that we did last year was, uh, five gallon bucket beer pong. Yep. Then we did cornhole. So it's a tournament. So there's five teams of two and we did a tournament So last man standing gets five points second place gets four third place gets three. It's your cumulative total.

Yep And then we did chipping golf balls into buckets. Oh, yeah after that it got funky. Yeah We did the the finished two pre rolls and that just oh my gosh, everyone was fried So we eat pizza after that remember the little break where we got pizza Did we was that did we do the puzzle before the pizza?

No, it was after that was after after Everyone's all you know energized again from the pizza Shout out to whatever Pete. Okay. I just got to preface this too. We, we left before we even got to the house. We stopped at the grocery store and got three, count them three carts full of food, right? Including some items that could have killed our friend Cushman.

Yes. Turns out he's allergic to peanut butter. So no PB and J's at the house. Did I ever tell you the truth about that? Yeah, you were eating peanut butter M& M's. I was eating peanut butter M& M's. I'm hooked. Another place I'll do free ads for. I was hooked, buddy. So I'm sitting there, I'm stoned. He's like, hey guys, I'm allergic to peanuts.

I'm popping them in my mouth, dude. Like that wise man on your street that always gives you advice as he pops things in his mouth, you know You know, right, but we had three so we had plenty We had food everywhere and we decide to order pizza because nobody wants to cook. I don't know We're we have like enough to feed we could have stayed a month all team man.

We could have stayed a month Easily. Yeah. Yeah. We, we, um, we made Brad executive, uh, grocery store manager. He's going to get this under control for us. Make sure that Cushman doesn't die. It's important to us. Yes. So the last game that we did was actually, you had to, um, So the Bart Bauer Bash games when you win them you win a trophy and you also win Belvedere for the year So that's kind of the twist.

Oh, yeah, that statue comes home with you so one of the last games that we did which was an absolute riot was you finished a tall boy of It was like Coors Light and I want to say that we did a full length pre roll So you and your teammate had to finish a 24 ounce beer in a pre roll Run inside and finish a kids puzzle 30 pieces Forty pieces.

Wasn't it a shark? Yeah, it was a shark. It was like baby shark or something like that. Yeah, baby shark. So people are screaming at the top of their lungs like, Fuck! While they're putting a kid's puzzle together. There's nothing more ironic than that. You're going to be a great father. Okay, just maybe have her handle the puzzles from now on and don't do a joint before, okay?

We've learned this. So the other, I had a quick little blurb funny story too that I wanted to tell actually. So a great story, but my son was born this year as you know, a 9 9 Payton. Oh yeah. Which is wonderful, I mean just seeing him, you know, I can't even explain it, but it just, just wonderful. You know, me and Chelsea have been wanting to give Lucy a sibling forever and everyone's just so excited about it.

But the funny thing was is that she was trying to go natural. So she was trying to induce labor. Yep. Yep. So we were there for multiple days. So it was, oh yeah, it was like three or four days, wasn't it dude? It was, yeah. When it was all said and done, I wanna say five days. Yeah. Were spent at the hospital.

It's just rough. So they put us in this room and there's no one on our floor. And, and I looked down and this is kind of a funny story 'cause it's about me, right? And, and I wanna make, I wanna make it clear that like this whole um, you know, birthing process was not about me, but this is just kind of a funny tidbit that people probably wouldn't say, but I'm gonna right.

So I go to lay down to go to bed and in this bed is like the size of a microwave, dude. Like they do not plan on the dad staying like that is not like, yeah, they don't make beds comfortable in a hospital. So I had to like roll the chair up like, dude, okay, so I'm six foot three. This bed maybe covered my upper torso, but like not my legs.

So like your legs are hanging out on the chair didn't pull out like no pull out function completely broke like just piece of shit Right, so three days of that and like I am as you know a social butterfly. I'd like to be out there I like to do some fun stuff. So being cooped up at a hospital is just like it's like punishment almost, you know, like it's just And then I can't sleep So i'm just sitting in there and the last day that we're in, you know to try to induce labor The nurse comes in.

She's like, why did they give you that couch? I was like, what do you mean? She's like, you're a huge guy. And I was like, yeah, I'm big. And she's like, this is the smallest couch we have on the floor. And I'm like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. This is day four. You know, like, like, this is like, dude, like try to fall asleep on like a Coleman cooler from back in the day.

Like, you know, like those ones you'd bring, like those old ones fall asleep on that for a couple of nights, like while you're in prison. Right. Yeah. So. I'm trying to be positive about it. My wife's in pain. She's going through so much. They're coming in every hour So like I can't ever sleep. Yep. So finally they're like we're gonna induce labor We're gonna you know do an epidural and get you going and um, you know My nurses are hilarious and they're super cool We can't we couldn't be more thrilled with the staff and how things went whoever Manage the room.

Yeah, what the fuck man? You know, like maybe look at the chart, you know I'm huge. Okay. This is the biggest guy we have we should give him the smallest couch Yeah, the smallest the only one the only one it's not the smallest. It's the only one all the other ones are normal, right? So so our nurse is like, hey, you know after you going to labor Uh, the room that you're going to have, like the couch is glorious.

It's huge. Yeah. You know, so I was fucking geeked. I was like, Oh my God, like, I can't tell her this, but like, dude, I haven't slept in fucking days, you know, we get there. So, so we go in, you know, and it's really weird when you, when you do a C section because it's like, everything's planned. It's like, Hey, we need to be down there at 10, 15.

Yep. Okay. You know, other than that, like you have a, you have a to go bag, you're ready for it to just kind of happen. We go down there the surgery. It's crazy as shit. A really bonding moment. I mean, I connected, my son was screamed crying, I touched his hand and he just started smiling. Like, it was such an awesome moment.

We get out of there, you know, friends and family are there, you're there. Um, you know, we're getting ready to go to our room. And, uh, we're, they kind of have like a A staging area, if you will. Yeah. And our nurse is still the same nurse from when I was on the mini couch. Right. So she's still checking on us.

And she's like, Hey, the couch that you're about to get, like, like, just, just wait for it. It's going to be sweet. You know, she's talking to me as if like, I just gone through surgery. Right. You're like, you're the excited one. Like I may be sleep deprived, but like, she's been through hell, like, right. Like, like my mind's mild.

We get up there and um, and i'm looking at the nurse and i'm like, oh my gosh Can you show me how this couch works? The couch is huge brad if it's two of me, you know, like it's just I mean But it has a table in the middle. So it's a weird setup. It's like seat table seat Right. So like the tops fold down The back where you'd sit on folds forward and it becomes a glorious bed.

So I'm talking to the lady and I'm like, Hey, can you show me how the bed works? You know, like almost like I got a toy for Christmas and I don't know how it works. Like, how does this bike work? You know? And she's like, yeah, you just hit this button in the back and then the, Oh no, I think this is the couch that's broken.

And I'm like, you gotta be fucking kidding me right now. Right? Like I had that like parrot look on my face. Like we're done here. You know, like, and Chelsea's still on like the wheelie beds. Like she can go wherever. And it's like, can we get a different room? Like we're at the Holiday Inn right by the door and everyone's slamming the door.

And so she's like, I don't know what to do. You know, the chair pulls out, like that's going to be great. You know, the chair, chair recline, she's like selling me on it. You know, like it's a, it's a Ford Pinto in the lot. And it's like, it's got automatic windows and it's going to work out great for you. So I finally look at her and I was like, I'm willing to cross lines.

Are we allowed to look the other way? And I'm just going to swap it. Yeah, she goes, you know, I'd probably get in trouble one second Let me go talk to my manager and let's see, you know, you seem like a really reasonable guy Let's see what we can do. So I Opened the door and she's wheeling a 300 pound couch down the hallway She swapped it for me.

What an angel. I slept like a baby Brad, but the kicker is this I get the couch for client. It's perfect, right? I can't believe it like dude if I were to slip down the other couch, there's a table in between so your ass is on wood Like it's not like i'm not being a bitch here. Like it's just like it's just like oh, no, right?

So I get in the chair at the end of the night, you know, holding Peyton, like reclining with him, feeding him, hanging out. Yep. Hit the button to recline. It's fucking broken. It's fucking broken, dude. Like, and the best part about this is, the nurse told me that all the other rooms are functioning fine. Oh yeah.

So two times, I got picked for the worst room in this hospital. Right? So my five days of not sleep, I still think I'm catching up from that trip. No shit. Wow. Oh my God, dude. But look, you know, everything went great. The staff was so wonderful, but it's just so funny to me because it's those ancillary things that people don't think about, right?

Like you can't like tell that story ever. You can't like talk to your wife about it either. You can't be like, I didn't sleep good last night and she's like bouncing on a medicine ball at three fucking AM. Do you think she slept well? No. You know, like, so it's like, we're just miserable together. It's like an unspoken hilarious thing.

I just had to say it because what are the chances you get? A bed that's made for Verne Troyer and then a broken bed, dude, it's like so broken, like P. Diddy broken, you know, like, yeah, it worked out great. Our son's happy. Hell yeah. And now we're on a podcast. So that's the most important, you know, big props, Larissa for hooking me up with that bed.

I appreciate it. Well, hey man, you know what time it is? Top five. It is time for the top five. So we each have a top five list of worst New Year's resolutions. And I'm excited to hear your list, Eric, because I have no idea what's going on. All right. So these were kind of crazy for me to come up with the Christmas gifts.

I think we're a little bit more naughty for me, you know, but I tried to kind of cross some lines with these, but not too hard. So, so my number one. Worst New Year's resolution for this year. I would like to invest in a mirror setup in 2025 for above my head and bed. I want 2025 to be the year I finally start appreciating my handiwork.

LAUGHING Can you imagine? Like your buddy's come over and he's like, Why do you got a mirror up there? Like, are you and your wife really getting into it? It's like, no, she's been sleeping on the couch every Thursday, and I wanna see what I look like. So that's my number one. Dude, that was That was fucking epic.

You didn't expect it, did you? No, oh my god. That's what this show's all about, buddy. So that would be a personal one for me. You know, like, I just, I really, I think that it's time that I start watching. You know, we watch our kids play sports. We watch all sorts of things. But we never appreciate our own work.

You know? Oh shit. Oh my god. Okay, so number two would be as if I was a girl. I don't know why I'd have to be a girl, but I'm gonna go ahead and be a girl for this one. I want to sleep with somebody in every Zodiac sign because why not turn 2025 into a fucking cosmic conquest?

That way you have more purpose with it, you know, it's like I see Claire, you know, and she's at you know Ferris State and she just wants to get out there, you know, and it's like let's start with cancer We're going to end with, uh, I don't even know all the signs, you know, that's why I think it had to be a girl because I don't think I could give you five.

Cancer there's Taurus Pisces Pisces, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know any of the other ones. I don't even care That's why I had to be a girl, you know, right? Yeah, she was girls care about that. She she reads the cosmos And you know, it's like you look for a Pisces. They're gonna be all hostile You know All right, all right number three number three and I want to make it clear that I actually have five today for you Not sex.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah, we there's a little mix up in the first one So I want to start my morning every day in 2025 by smoking an ounce joint, playing a game to guess what day it is. I want to remove all calendars and, and even like the date from my phone. And I want to just start guessing what day it is. Guess what day it is.

Yep. Ounce joint, dude. Rolled, smoked. Right before the Lucky Charms. You know what I mean? Like, it'll probably turn into chicken wings if you're smoking that much, dude, for breakfast, you know? You're gonna be there until dinner. Oh my god. So this list was a little hard for me to come up with, but you know what?

I think that this, these last two are kind of my bang bang buggies. Okay, I'm not here to play games. Dude, that first one was, that first one was awesome. This is number four. Am I number four? Yep, number four. Okay, number four. I want to try, oh wait, show me, you gotta say show me first, so in 2025, I want to try every drug alphabetically, starting with A and ending with Z, and I even made a list of all of them, amphetamines, I don't even know how to pronounce some of them so it's gonna be kind of funny, amphetamines like Adderall.

Benzodiazepines, which is like Xanax. Benzies. Benzies. Benzinos! Cocaine, DMT, ecstasy, fentanyl, GHB, heroin, inhalants, like paint thinner, right? When all else fails. Um, JWH compounds. Don't know what that is, but it's gonna be nuts. Uh, LSD, meth, nitrogen, oxycodone, PCP, oxycontin. Oh, Oxyco No, Oxycontin, PCP, Quaaludes, Ritalin, Steroids, Tramadol, U47700, right?

What the fuck is that? What the fuck is U47700? I don't know. Sounds like we're in Area 51, you can only like drink it while you're there, right? You can't tell anyone. You can't tell anyone. Look at me, shut the fuck up, you can't talk about it, okay? You just drink it, and enjoy it. It's like Surge, but it's better.

You know? Vicodin. Wellbutrin. That doesn't sound bad. That sounds like one of those ads where it's like, don't take if you're allergic to wellbutrin. Yeah, but most of that shit's killing you. Like that's the, like the disclaimer, like this, like if you have an upset stomach, you might have diarrhea, you might have this, you might have that.

But the biggest one is like, you might die if you take this. And I think I should have been ayahuasca, you know, like the thing that Aaron Rodgers did to suck this season, you know, like when he went to that house or whatever, like I would have tried that. Um, Yo him mine, yo him mine. It sounds pretty rough.

It's gonna be a good time. I think it's also at area 51 It's a shot that they offer Zolpidem zolpidem zolpidem. Nothing is everything You know what I mean like so I'm gonna try every drug alphabetically I Think that that would be good for everybody's future, you know And my number five, I really enjoy this one.

I want to get so good at smoking weed that because that I become a marijuana success story I want to be known as the white Snoop Dogg of smoking. I want to be the best car operator I want to be the best white. I want to be the best person I want to be the best person eat a cheesy gritty to crunch like in the world's Guinness Book of World Records for smoking as a white dude

2025 and I think I can accomplish that you know what I mean? Like hey You got a whole year, man. You got a whole year. I had spaghettios this morning and I think it really spoke to me. You're not going to remove your calendars until the first. Well, if it, if it takes the venture of me being the white Snoop Dogg, I don't know that I need a calendar.

I'm just going to be keeping it fucking real, you know what I mean? Calendars are just a nuisance at this point. All right, man. So what are you, what is your top five? That was an awesome top five. Dude, number one kills me. That's definitely, I think, well, we'll see, but that might be the number one on the next episode.

You think so? It might be. It might be the Snoop Dogg one or the, no, no, no, no. The first, like your first one, the mirror, the hand, you can see my handiwork, you imagine that like that's self centeredness to a new level, right? It was just like, like, no, no, no. I watched myself. That's why I bought an Oculus. All right, here we go.

So these aren't in any particular order. Okay. Right. Okay. So. making a number one, making a resolution to only drink Miralax. Does that make you shit? Oh my God. Like every day. Like that's it. That's the only drink you get. Dude, that was sad. Dude. It tastes like shit too. So you're like socks. All right. Number two making a resolution to only tip Waitresses and waiters with advice.

And pizza guys, like, Hey, Daryl, is it here's a tip, you know, like you, oh, so you remember the waitress that we had at the, uh, the diaper party? Like she never smiled. Like, here's a tip. Fucking smile once in a while. Dude. Speaking of tips at restaurants the other day. So when I bought your gift card, right.

That I gave to you today for Christmas. Yeah. I was there and I had 60 bucks and I said, can I get a 50 gift card? The lady looked at me without even blinking and goes, Do you want change?

Yes, fucking yes. Like, like, like, like, like, when has this ever worked? You know, like, like, making us crazy now. Like, can I get a 60 gift card? You hand her a hundo and it's like, do you want any change back? Yeah. Like, what did you do? Right. To just earn 10. Like, like, like, please explain to me how you just earned 10.

Great. Yeah. It's getting nuts, dude. I waited up there for like 10 fucking minutes. Everyone was looking at me like, and she comes up, she's like, we're building. You should have said, I would have given you the 10, but it went down by 1 every minute. I had to wait. Yeah. And she goes, we're building gingerbread houses.

And I'm like, I don't give a fuck. I want a gift card. All right. Oh shit. Okay. Oh, the other one. The other tip, just do better. Just do better. Dude, can you imagine that? When I was a pizza delivery guy, if somebody did that to me, it'd be over. There was a guy that worked in my pizza place that would blow up mailboxes when people wouldn't tip him.

Oh, no shit. Insane. Found that out later. Like, can you imagine, like destroying property? Who would do that? Like, dude, that's, that's, that's crazy to me. That's a federal offense, dude. Yeah. Yeah, like that's felony. Yeah, no shit. Can you imagine showing up and just every time giving him a tip like just just something?

Yeah, murky. Yeah, you know, you know, I would have given you a 20 tip, but your car looks like shit So here's a tip for you. Here's a tip wash it stop ordering so much pizza Alright, alright number three I'm gonna get a pizza I'm going to make a resolution. I'm going to finally get my taint waxed.

It's like the long hair don't care, right? Like bleached asshole coming through like, Hey, how are you today, Brad? I bleached my butthole. How you doing?

All right. All right. I wanted to come out perfectly every day. So. They call it a Brazilian butt lift, but really it kind of hurt. Oh shit. Okay. Number four, I'm going to make a resolution. I'm going to finally contact that, uh, Saudi prince that wants to give me money all the time. No, no, wait, wait, wait.

There's more. So I'm going to use that, right? I'm going to get my inheritance. I'm going to give him my, all my account information, you know, cause I think it's a good idea. It's gotta be. And then I'm going to use that to finally get my UPS parcel out of customs. Absolutely. And it's worth five mil. If you send them a small fee of five grand, you get five mil.

Fuck yeah. Oh my God. They're totally legit. All right. Yeah. He sent me pictures of him and his family on spring break. You don't do that unless you're legit. Unless you're legit. Yeah. I think it's, I think it's a good idea. You just want a basic information, like my name, my address and my social security number, but I think my bank account information and also he can make the transfer.

You know, I get it. He needs that stuff. It just, yeah. He has way too much money and he just wants to give me some. It's about it. It's about time we start saying yes. So, and then number five. Number five. I'm going to make a resolution to just stop bathing. Like altogether, like showering. Yep. It's all done.

I'm done with it for the whole year, for the, well, you know, forever. We'll see how it goes. You know, maybe I wanna see how long it would take me to look like Pigpen on the Charlie, isn't it Charlie Brown? Like, isn't that Pigpen? Like, he's just got this smoke of like, oh, cloud of the guy around him. The guy was carrying the whoopie or the blanket?

The um, uh, no, no, no, no, no. That's, no, it's the guy that always has the, the cloud of dust and dirt and shit like that around him. And now that you're not in, like, high school and shit, like, you could easily be the smiley kid and get away with it. You know what I mean? Like, you gotta see how far you can take it.

Right. Like, back, like, get a back massage at a random place, dude. Oh my god, yeah, just show up at, like, a, the, uh, massage parlor. It just stank. Dude, a sauna. Oh. Just terrorize holidays. No, like going to a hot tub where there's like a bunch of people, like you get in and the dirt and just crap just starts going across the hot tub like a film.

Damn babies. Oh, like, oh, like weird gum wrappers and receipts. Oh yeah. Just filth. Yeah. Yeah. That would be tough. So that's my top five. Or dude, dude, imagine a competition where we both saw how long we could go. That No, no, that's that's not good right now. I'm not good on the couch and the couch is mad at you Like the couch is kicking you off the kids are like upset Yeah, the wife's upset like you walk in and the babies start instantly crying like oh my god, it smells he smells worse than my diaper So did you have any that didn't make your top five?

No, I had a hard time with those. I didn't have any extras. It was hard. I, I had, I'm going to stop smoking weed. Wait,

that's a good one dude. On Mondays. That way I start my week every week with a clear head. You know what I mean? Like on Mondays. I was going to say something about invest in better quality toys for 2025, give my hands the rest they deserve. Maybe some moisturizer too while I'm at it. Give the mirror a break.

I'm going to set a record for how many times my Wife screams my name in bed in a 24 hour period. My current record is a half. I think she said it once, but I'm not certain. I'm going to say yes to everything for a seven day period, no matter how crazy it is, no matter how much trouble I could get in. Oh, no shit.

But that could go really bad. It could go. I, you know what? I did have one. I forgot. I was going to be brutally honest, like more like, Not even necessarily like somebody asked me a question. Like, I'd just be like, you know, you'd probably be a better person if you would just like brush your teeth and comb your hair and just come out with everything.

Not even questions, just like too much honesty. Dude, that would be awesome. That would be so awesome. Like, like just how's your day going? Well, really shitty. You know, have you ever had that? Have you ever had that? Like I was at Walmart once, I asked the lady, like, it's like, Hey, how you doing? How's your day going?

Awful. My manager made me work four extra hours and I'm here and you know what I didn't even get to go on break and you know what else? Brayden's here and Brayden wasn't supposed to be here. So it's give me your life story. It's like I do not fucking care. Can you please ring up my tortilla chips? Okay, my off brand soda.

And my moose tracks and can I get on with my fucking life? I just want to get the fuck out of here. You know, like, how did you want me to solve that? Like, okay, I'll go talk to him for you. Right. Yeah. I'll go talk to your manager for you. No. It'll be fine. Carol is it? Fuck that Carol. Fuck that Carol. Get me on the, get me on the, get me on the Walmart intercom, okay?

We have to let the people know. You know, like dude, she wouldn't shut the fuck up. Yeah, and it's like dude, I'm nice to everybody but you just expect that How you doing? I'm wonderful. How are you sir? Right, you know? Yeah, then when someone was like real with it like where it's like depressing and mopey It's like I don't know that I can do this You know, I take it back a couple other ones like I wanted to submit a highlight reel You know, of my sex moves to an adult film company, but show them all with myself, right?

Like just like, like me in the backyard, me in a chair, me standing, me sitting, me laying. Here's a one armed pushup. You know what I mean? Uh, master one hand, one handed bra techniques, uh, like a fucking magician. No fumbling, no awkward pauses, just instant applauses. Uh, and then I was going to kind of quit everything that I already don't do.

Like I was going to stop drinking Diet Coke, stop eating quinoa. I'm going to stop eating vegetables. Um, I think I'm going to, you know, stop rooting so hard for, I can't even say their name on air. So that team in Ohio, um, you know, and just stop being a good dad. Like I'm just over it, you know, like I just, I just over it.

So that's kind of what I came up with, which is so ridiculous though. Some of those would have been a good. Good to add to your top five, but you know, we only have five. So if you have any more, any great ideas, any new year's resolutions, something that you've made before, that was not a great idea, Let us know in the comments.

Yeah. And just, just to paint a quick picture for you. It's like, you know, you have your friend, you know, and Sean's looking at you and he's like, Hey, what are you going to do better this year? You turn, you look at him and you say something fucking stupid. What is that thing? That's fucking stupid. That's what we're looking for.

Okay. We don't want serious stuff. Planet fitness is busier than ever. You know, for about three weeks and then everyone's like, this place smells, there's fucking jack dudes and tank tops and it's fucking 10 degrees outside. This is stupid. And I have to work out when I'm here. Yeah. And they don't make sugar free peanut butter M& Ms.

So fuck it. All right. I'm going to make another wish in 2026 and we're going to get better at this, but not right now. You know, like that's how it goes every year, every year. I'd be selling the shit out of fitness memberships right now because you know, the next nine months are just dead zones. Right?

Where it's like, Oh yeah, I would work out, but I have shit to do. That doesn't involve working out. I'm not true to myself past February. You know this.

Oh my God. I'm going to start eating Subway and be a better person. Fuck. But thank you guys so much for listening to the podcast. We really appreciate it. As always feel free to leave a comment if you'd like to get in the show in contact with the show directly We can be reached at rowd and laudy at gmail.

com. That is r o w d a and d l Oud y at gmail. com We hope you have a fantastic New Year's Once again, if you want to hear our previous episode of the worst gifts to buy your wife listen to Santa's naughty list Yeah, and other than that, we hope you have a fantastic year with your family You These are the times and the memories that you'll always remember.

So thank you for letting us be a part of that. And we hope you guys have a fantastic year. Thank you for listening to the Roud and Loudy Package. Yeah, have a, have a great 2025 everybody. And don't do our ideas for resolutions, make up real ones, but the fake ones that you come up with, email us. Yeah, absolutely.

Absolutely. All right. Have a great New Year's everybody. Thank you for listening. Happy New Year.