Rowd & Loudy Comedy Podcast
Welcome to Rowd and Loudy, the podcast where two blue-collar best friends from Michigan take you on a wild ride through life’s highs and lows. Whether we’re swapping stories from the jobsite, sharing laughs over backyard beers, or diving deep into the struggles and triumphs of everyday life, we keep it real, raw, and relatable. Expect a mix of humor, heart, and hard truths as we navigate the chaos of work, family, and friendship—all with a Midwest twist. Tune in and join the crew for a weekly dose of unfiltered conversation, a little rowdiness, and a lot of laughs!
Every episode features funny stories, funny moments and a top 5. The top 5 is unique because we do not share our top 5's with each other until we are live on the air.
The catch neither Brad nor Eric knows what the other person is going to say, the shock value is incredible. This is a comedy podcast about all the fun stuff in life.
Every episode features funny stories and a top 5.
Join Eric and Brad on a Rowd and Loudy Journey today!
Rowd & Loudy Comedy Podcast
Episode 6 - In Memory of Steve: Humor and Heartfelt Tales
Ever wondered what chaos looks like when comedy meets candid office tales? Buckle up as we take you behind the scenes of Rowdy and Loudy, where we celebrate our sixth episode with a wild ride full of hilarious work stories and the unexpected perks of being an HR nightmare. From poking fun at bizarre team sponsors like Dollar Tree condoms for the Jacksonville Jaguars to our shock over college football upsets, it's an episode packed with laughter and food for thought. And speaking of food, get ready for a culinary adventure as we reminisce about our favorite pizza joints and our short-lived vegetarian days inspired by a Rise Against DVD.
Join us as we swap tales of arcade escapades in Myrtle Beach, where the thrill of travel dances with family responsibilities in a delightful tango. The laughter turns tender as we remember our dear colleague Steve, whose unexpected passing at a golf outing sparked deeper friendships and conversations about authenticity. We also share some quirky stories of office mischief, from setting off Alexa's suggestive sounds to navigating the minefield of HR drama. Learn how to find humor in even the most intense workplace confrontations and the importance of solidarity among coworkers.
Our episode wouldn't be complete without a dash of adventure and hilarity in unexpected places. Picture us navigating the bustling markets of Dubai on a quest for a counterfeit Ferrari watch, complete with secret rooms and hidden elevators. Wrap it all up with plans for subject bingo in our milestone Episode 10, where randomness reigns and listener interaction is key. Whether it's appreciating dump truck photos or sharing your own goofy stories, we promise to keep the laughs rolling while reminding you to face each day with humor and positivity.
ROWD and LOUDY is the ultimate comedy podcast where two best friends share hilarious, never-before-heard stories in every episode! Tune in for laughs, surprises, and spontaneous humor as each episode features fresh, funny tales that one of the hosts has never heard before. Plus, every episode includes a Top 5 list where we rank and discuss random topics, adding even more fun to the mix. Whether you’re into storytelling, comedy, or just want to hear two friends banter about life, ROWD and LOUDY has you covered.
Listen now for your weekly dose of laughter, entertainment, and raw, unfiltered humor.
Comedy, Funny Stories, Humor Podcast, Best Friend Podcast, Hilarious Podcast, Top 5 Podcast, Hilarious Podcast, Storytelling Podcast, Weekly Comedy Show, Laugh out Loud Podcast, Unfiltered Humor.
Welcome back to the Rowdy and Loudy podcast. We are at episode six already. Can you believe that Shit? Six episodes. We're on a roll, man, we're on a roll. We got like six subscribers, so we're good.
Speaker 2:I know that Chris and Jay are a couple Honestly probably the coolest guys I know, yeah, but you don't know, chris, never mind.
Speaker 1:It's alright, okay, so tonight. Tonight we're gonna go over the uh recap of the super bowl episode, the top five there. We're gonna talk about some funny work stories from the past. I've got a few good ones for that Dude fuck work, yeah, work sucks. That's what we're doing. This sucks, adulting sucks it does. And then we're going to have top five reasons for being pulled into HR.
Speaker 2:Dude, I'm an HR nightmare buddy, I'm sure, and I don't even need to be Like that's the worst part, right? Like I didn't get in trouble in school because I was rude or bullied somebody. I wasn't there for talking too much or becoming friends with everybody. Yeah, they'd send me with the kids I liked to talk too much. Send me with the jocks to talk too much. Send me with the goth kids with, like the zipper jeans Talk too much.
Speaker 1:Talk too much.
Speaker 2:They'd send me with like the Talk too much, Talk too much. They sent me with like the really geeky kids Talk too much. Yeah, it became movies.
Speaker 1:I can't imagine you ever talking too much. No, I can't, I can't, no, it's unfathomable to me.
Speaker 2:I would never make it as like a monk.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:I'd probably try to have a cool feel to it, though I'd like to be like Monk Doggy Dog or something Like. No, he smokes a lot of ganja but he doesn't talk anymore. You have to take a vow of silence. I think it involves a comment about like a girl's dump truck booty or something like that. But that's why he doesn't talk.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, oh shit.
Speaker 2:So let's go over the uh recap top top five than the uh the names and sponsors that we kind of went through with the uh, while we're so pumped about kendrick lamar, like just so I, I saw.
Speaker 1:I don't have any idea who he is, so whatever and then I'm it.
Speaker 2:The only way I could explain it to you would make me sound like I'm 70. Brad, he's a rapper guy and what he does is he goes out there with fresh beats and he hits the streets. Okay, that's all you need to know about Ken Diplomato. Okay, so a little recap of the last episode. If you want to listen to that, um, it's the same way you're listening, just uh, hit back one. Um, so we did, uh, worst names for a jersey or worst sponsors for a jersey?
Speaker 1:uh, here's our worst team sponsors here's our top three.
Speaker 2:Recap the jacksonville jaguars, with Dollar Tree condoms as the sponsor, because liking the Jacksonville Jaguars is like taking risks that you know are not going to end well they suck.
Speaker 3:Every year.
Speaker 2:Every year how?
Speaker 1:long have they been around, do you know? I'll check it out. You keep going. I'll check it out.
Speaker 2:You keep going number two was Bob's bail bondsman, so your homies can enjoy the game too which I thought was hilarious can you imagine seeing that in a sporting arena? You'd be like what is this guy doing? I get that this is probably people he's trying to appeal to. Maybe he needs to switch it up and Bob's bail bondsman starts sponsoring all the people that have played the superbowl.
Speaker 1:So wait, she can't record all her concerts so the jacksonville jaguars were founded in 1995 shit so yeah look up their franchise record like like from 1990.
Speaker 2:What is their overall wins and losses?
Speaker 1:So just search Franchise record.
Speaker 2:Franchise wins and losses. Jacksonville Jaguars. Okay, it's not good. And the number one sponsor from the last episode was the Dallas Cowboys, who would be sponsored by Pornhub because the fan base is used to finishing disappointed but still coming back. That one killed me. Man Epic, it's just perfect.
Speaker 1:So from 1995 to 2024, their record wins, losses and ties is 202. Wins 202 wins 282, losses and ties is 202. Wins 202 wins, 282 losses and zero ties. They've never tied.
Speaker 2:Every time that they go take a test, like if they're in school, their normal is 30% of the time they're going to do okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yep, 30% of the time.
Speaker 2:And you'd think it'd be a pretty easy place to build up. You're in fucking Florida. Yeah, yep, 30% of the time. And you'd think it'd be a pretty easy place to build up. You're in fucking Florida.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Can you imagine having to play in Detroit, Like I get word use to winters right? Yeah, you have to understand that a lot of football is these kids from Texas, these kids from Louisiana, these kids from Georgia. These kids are places that are not very cold.
Speaker 1:No, they've got some good teams in Florida. They've got Florida.
Speaker 3:State and they've got the weather.
Speaker 1:They've got the Miami Hurricanes.
Speaker 2:Dude as soon as the NIL stuff started going like where they're paying the college players right.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I knew that the West Coast teams were going to do really well. Yeah, I knew that the West Coast teams were going to do really well. Yeah, I can't believe that the last two champions have been Michigan and that other team, and the funny thing is they won a championship but didn't beat Michigan. Yeah, I bet that's never happened. That's one flaw of the playoff that I see. You shouldn't be able to lose two games and win a title. Yeah, that's not how college football ever has worked.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:If you lose one game, you can get in. If somebody fucks up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know, it'd be an interesting thing.
Speaker 2:It'd be like having a drunk friend right. It's like if Claire falls on her face I can go in the club, like that you know If Claire's in front of me in line and she falls on. I haven't seen false 100s, you get one of those. You get one of those friends right. It doesn't have to be Claire and Kelly fall Right and then I get in. Yeah, you shouldn't even be in that game, yeah.
Speaker 1:Fuck Ohio State, but Claire's the one that fell down.
Speaker 2:Dude, and she's still got it. Dude, david Portnoy, like the dude from Barstool Sports, has been just with two Ohio State like really well-known podcasters for Ohio State and he opens with we fucking own you. That's it Four years in a row. Yeah, we fucking own you. There's nothing you can say to me Like, just start like dude, love that guy. He's the guy that does all like the pizza reviews. He did Barstool Sports. He's a Michigan grad, okay, and he does like. I don't know if you're familiar, but he does a podcast where he does like pizza reviews. But everyone has the same rule so he has to pick it up to go. He takes it outside Like he takes one bite of the pizza and one bite of the crust and then gives it a ranking oh, and it's huge, oh shit.
Speaker 3:I love pizza, so yeah, I do too.
Speaker 2:Pizza's great dude. Why is pizza not in the food pyramid?
Speaker 1:We'll never fucking know it is in the food pyramid. It's there. No, with all the other ingredients it's all good for you, dude.
Speaker 2:Tomatoes bread grain. I tried quinoa once. Dude, horrible.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's not good.
Speaker 2:No Tastes like a mashed up bag of assholes. Those are like some of my questions for God if I get up there right, if I nail it right.
Speaker 1:If you nail it, if you make it, I'm like mosquitoes.
Speaker 2:The fuck do they do? How do they help anything?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a good question.
Speaker 2:Why does the healthy food taste like shit and cost more. That's the kicker. I can go to the store right now, brad and I get enough Jack's Pizza to last me for fucking two weeks and it's like 40 bucks If I wanted to go eat healthy and I'm buying like avocados. Okay, no sorts of dumb shit that tastes awful, that I know is gonna rot and I'll throw away. Yeah, I guess I'm bigger because I like to throw away less money and I think that whole food sucks. If I have to hear one more time about how they have potatoes that are purple, don't fucking care.
Speaker 3:We have potatoes that are purple.
Speaker 1:I like purple potato chips, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Those are fucking bomb From the Great Lakes right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, great Lakes. They're made in Traverse City, really yeah.
Speaker 2:Dude.
Speaker 1:They're awesome.
Speaker 2:Think about how many puns come with Traverse City, like Tra trevor's titty, or yeah, I like, I like trevor city though.
Speaker 1:that's nice, that's awesome it's a good place to. It's a good place up north to get away to take a vacation oh, yeah, play some golf uh, another one that I was kind of blown away by was um, shit, I'm blanking.
Speaker 2:I'm shooting blanks, bud, yeah, me too. No, I um. One that I really like is called cherry beach, but it's kind of weird. It's like it's off the beaten path, like you're driving through the country and then you come to a landing in the middle of nowhere is it up by traversite? Um no, it's more by, like sleeping bear dunes it's right before it, so it'd be exit 12.
Speaker 1:I think sawyer is the time okay dude, have you ever been to moons long lake inn?
Speaker 3:it's up by traverse city restaurant it's a restaurant I can talk food all day it is phenomenal yeah they have awesome food.
Speaker 1:they actually have a really cool story, like the original restaurant burned down but they still have the fireplace and everything from the original. They just built a new building around it and they have like a plaque and they just got the story of the restaurant and how everything. But they do their own beef, Like they raise them, and they do all their own slaughtering and everything. I think.
Speaker 2:I've been in videos I don't know how to watch. Yeah, you want to know how your steak got here today. Brad, like we can actually show you watch this.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, but it's a hell of a lot better than oh yeah, I'm just being goofy dude.
Speaker 2:I had a bad experience. So, yeah, I saw how dogs were made and like, oh yeah, went to warp tour and got this dvd from rise against vegetarians, yeah, so it was like a slaughterhouse, yeah, and I didn't eat meat for, like I don't know, a couple hours. A couple hours.
Speaker 3:I was traumatized.
Speaker 1:Oh shit, yeah, but no, it's awesome. I've been up there quite a few times and the steak's there, what's?
Speaker 3:your favorite pizza place.
Speaker 1:My favorite pizza place. My favorite pizza place. My favorite pizza place. My favorite pizza place has got to be.
Speaker 2:Well, you're thinking of that. I love Cavoni's in Battle Creek.
Speaker 1:I haven't had that.
Speaker 2:Dude, it's like Mancino's, but better. There's a weird falling out with the family. Something happened, but I don't know. Cavoni's, it's fire, it is my favorite. It is hands down, dude, it's wedged in between a Mexican place and some thrift stores too, which is kind of fun, so you can go. Do you know where Hobby Lobby is in Battle Creek?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:If you're looking at the building two businesses to the right in that little strip mall. Okay, it's a pizza place. The owners are the nicest people, dude. I love them.
Speaker 1:I haven't been there, I don't want to grab their names.
Speaker 2:I am crazy about that pizza. It's to the point now where, if my wife hadn't worked with this lady for a long time and knew her to the point that they still talk, I would totally be going in there and buying two pizzas at a time. But I'm embarrassed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's that good though it's. Oh, fuck, it's good. Yeah, like I dude in the other place, what did you think of the pizza in in uh in um immortal beach? Did you hate it or did you like it?
Speaker 1:I. It was good. I wasn't as phenomenal as you made it out to be you gotta have pot with it.
Speaker 2:That was. You skipped a step. Skipped that step, right. It'd be like skipping a step with macaroni bud, right? Yeah, you don't have the milk.
Speaker 1:I'm sure that if I was yeah, if I was high I would have been a really good pizza, but sitting dude, sitting at that shitty park like you know what I'm talking about right, right in out, in front of it.
Speaker 2:There's that. If I was high it would have been a really good pizza. But sitting, dude, sitting at that shitty park like you know what I'm talking about right in out in front of it yes, that park that's all lit. Yeah, I sat out there every night, stoned as fuck on my honeymoon, baked a shit and watched a homeless crackhead dance. Okay, so for me, life-changing. Yeah, dude, me and my wife spent so much money at the arcade when we were there, like yeah, I can't say the amount because it's bad, but like a lot.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, dude, they actually had like an adult gift shop with with the prizes so like oh no shit games. It's like dude, it'd be like 30 bucks, but like we were taking home T-shirts, blankets, oh yeah, they had picture frames. They had a place that you could put shells. They had knives.
Speaker 1:So that reminds me. So we have our yearly Myrtle Beach trip.
Speaker 2:Meteral, meteral Beach, meteral.
Speaker 1:Beach Myrtle Beach trip in November.
Speaker 2:That's when we're going, so if you're able, Well, looks like I got the Rosetta Stone for Christmas.
Speaker 1:I'm going to see you in November, so I think my favorite pizza.
Speaker 2:Hey and sidebar. Yeah, Scott Tyler, I'm going to try. Hey, and sidebar yeah. Scout Tyler, I'm going to try to go to this Yep I don't know if this is the year with me having a newborn at home.
Speaker 1:No, hey, I'm just throwing it out there. If you can make it, you can make it.
Speaker 2:If you can't dude, that's cool, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take Brad Right, and that's bold of them.
Speaker 3:Okay, I want to go.
Speaker 2:Right, I'm not going to golf. I'm not going to bring any morale to the golf team other than laughs.
Speaker 1:Okay, is that okay? Yeah, that's fine. I mean, do they have senses?
Speaker 2:of humor.
Speaker 1:Some of them, most of the guys, are old, like I'm the youngest guy there.
Speaker 2:Oh, like there's my uncle's, like 82 type of dude I could like let a dude in front of him, no way oh, yeah, yeah, and he'll smoke it with you no way. Oh yeah, I love old people. Dude, we're gonna have so much fun. Will you get baked with me and go eat pizza, maybe, just maybe, just one time. Just one time. I'm not asking for a lot, all right, maybe. Well, if you can make it, then One of the things yeah, do you drive up?
Speaker 1:Yeah, we drive down.
Speaker 2:Good, because weed's illegal in Myrtle Beach. It's what the weed's illegal at Myrtle Beach, Is it? Yeah, that's why it was so much fun for me.
Speaker 1:It was like Dude, they sell it across the street from.
Speaker 2:It's like Delta 9. They're selling like a theory. It's like selling CBD.
Speaker 3:Oh, okay, you want to know why you'd ever want CBD.
Speaker 2:You know what the acronym is. You can't buy drugs Ready.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's it Only reason All right, so my favorite pizza. I think Leah's Pizza in Grand Rapids is probably one of my favorites Is Leah's. It's not Leah's not there, it's some dude that he's always there. I don't even know his name, but it's a little hole in the wall place. It's right on Eastern and 44th Street I think it's right on that corner, but they got a really good pizza there.
Speaker 2:Dude, mad props to him. I really like the Beltline Bar in Grand Rapids. Like dude, those white burritos.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, in a bar and it happens like, if you're talking like dude, those web burritos. Have you ever been?
Speaker 2:there. Yeah, those are good, so good, yeah, and I love how the restaurant is set up, like where you go downstairs almost it's been a long time since I've been there, so it's so good. Yeah, they've got really good food it's decorated like Elvis would decorate it like this 70s. You know they haven't renovated, but I like that. It still looks better than the apartments that I lived in when the lights came off. The lights came off as if it was like a sequence Don't pay bill, don't have lights. That's the sequence. That's what happens.
Speaker 2:That's what happens.
Speaker 1:Do you?
Speaker 2:have a funny work story. I do. Do you want me to start? You go for man, okay you go for it ready, so jay's gonna love this one if he's listening and that's what I love the most is that because I said that now he'll text me. If he hears this, yeah, and if he doesn't, he's not really there we can give mad props to chris again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and as soon as he hears it he'd'll be like fuck that, I'm listening again. Dude, bullied way earlier. So I had a really good buddy at a construction company that I worked for and he was a sales guy, yep, and his name's Steve, and Steve actually passed this year. It sucked.
Speaker 1:Oh, that was the guy that when we were playing golf, of course, when I got that call and I got teared up like and it was really tough for me. Dude, that was that really sucked for that. Sucked for me Because I, honestly, I was going to be like let's fucking go, dude.
Speaker 2:I know, and that's dude.
Speaker 1:And I didn't, I didn't know.
Speaker 2:That's when it clicked for me, like like that, like me, and you were like way more than like dealing with like business type stuff together and have more friends. When you looked at me and you said hey, if you want to fucking get out of here, no question that's, we're on hold too yeah we just paid for golf, we just got on work, like that's. When I realized, dude, I was like all right, yeah, and I think that's what I kind of like opened up a little bit more was like showed you like how fucking goofy and crazy I was, and I think that conversation is part of why we're here.
Speaker 1:You know what? And I think that to me you always wanted to be crazy and weird and out there and shit like that, but that made you more human, I guess.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 1:I don't know, maybe that's weird.
Speaker 2:I want to do the Ozzy Osbourne podcast. No one can expect anything.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to eat a bad dog. You talk way too clear for that.
Speaker 2:I love him though.
Speaker 1:Yeah, fuck yeah dude, I'll respect what you do Okay, Okay listen Tell me this how can a man that you cannot fucking understand what the hell he's talking he seems so good, he, he rocks it and you can understand everything he's saying.
Speaker 2:I don't understand. When you look in his eyes, you see that he is so genuine. Yeah, Like dude, he's not a dickhead. No, you can call him whatever you want.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But even, dude, we went back and watched the Osbournes recently, like the show about his family.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Like, what I thought was really cool about that is like, yeah, they had people at the house to help them. Like dude, they're quote-unquote nanny. Like the one that helped them with the house was his other daughter from a different relationship yeah he's out there cleaning up dog shit. He's out there fucking you know what I mean like yeah, he's a real dude, he was frail. That was all four.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he was frail then yeah so now he's dealing with a lot of shit. It's sad, I do. I love ozzy like I get. I get what you're saying, like dude, change music like like there's there's oh yeah, absolutely that are iconic right I just don't know.
Speaker 1:I just don't know how the fuck that works, dude.
Speaker 2:Okay, so I think, like from every race, like there's somebody that everybody loves, right, like george lopez would represent, like hispanics, like for, like, uh, the black community. It would be way, brady, everybody loves Wayne Brady. Ours is Ozzy. Whether you like it or not, you can't take your eyes off the guy.
Speaker 1:You don't want to because you don't know what the fuck is coming next.
Speaker 2:When it clicks with you that Sharon is probably just as cool.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, she has to be, she has to be.
Speaker 2:It makes it that much more interesting. It's so cool, but they've been married since like, I think, the 80s.
Speaker 3:It's a long time.
Speaker 1:Like mid-80s.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I got a lot of respect for that guy, yeah, but anyway, so Steve buddy that passed Yep, and what we were reading, kevin, is I got golfing with Brad and also two of my coworkers.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And it was just kind of a weird moment because I just started a job too, so yeah, it was weird.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was all together.
Speaker 2:So I worked with Steve at a construction company in Kalamazoo. Really cool, he was a sales guy. I was sales and marketing, so more marketing. But I really worked closely with Steve and Jay works there. So, Steve and Jay were the sales guys.
Speaker 3:I was marketing.
Speaker 2:But because my boss got fired when I started there, like two months in I started working a lot with sales. I started kind of helping Jay with materials like anything that he needed Pitches, decks, whatever. You know what I mean, so using my skillset to help him. So Steve, the other sales guy, mostly tells me a funny fucking story. So he came from a rival company and he told a story about him and the owner going out to lunch at a really richy place in Kalamazoo. I don't know what it was, but something really expensive. Yep, they're on their way back to the office and the owner slams on his brakes. He's driving a brand new Porsche. And this isn't that long ago. This is probably five, six years ago.
Speaker 3:Yep.
Speaker 2:And the guy that owns this company is a fucking D-bag. I know the guy. I know him Went to school with his son. That's all say okay, stops.
Speaker 2:the car starts screaming at this homeless guy in a fucking porsche middle of the day like one o'clock really the guy is wearing a branded sweatshirt of this company, like he's built a brand like fucking 90 and Nike and like how dare you? Oh, no shit, no one gives a shit about this. If you're in three rows, you don't know who the fuck this guy is. Yeah, what the fuck are you mad about? He pays this bum dude $10 to take off his shirt and he's living, and he drives up the street like a mile and chucks the shirt out of the car. You're being a dick, what the fuck what did you do?
Speaker 1:what the fuck trust me this is good.
Speaker 2:This is good, be still so. Steve and dude. Steve like. Rest in peace, buddy man. I miss like guys, so much like dude. Just what a great, just a great human being, dude yep so so owner gets pissed in the portion of homeless guy right. Fast forward about six months.
Speaker 2:Steve gets canned from this company and he's worked there for 15 years oh yeah, he's sales guy, so he's kind of the face of the company and, uh, he's like how the fuck am I gonna get back at this guy like this is this is fucked up, right? So he probably got fired for being too normal. You know he's not the type to shout at homeless people, right. When he clears out his desk, he realizes he's sitting on a fucking treasure trove of branded merch t-shirts, polos yeah three-quarter zips.
Speaker 2:Hoodies, hats, blankets you fucking name it, dude. Now most people give it to a co-worker, burn it, sell it, whatever right yeah not him. Steve's a man of the people. He loads up his car, giggling to himself, with over a hundred branded items. Dude, like all over this shit. Branded items.
Speaker 3:Yep.
Speaker 2:He drives the route that the owner would take from his house to the office and stops by every homeless camp on the way. Oh my God, handing out shit like he's fucking Oprah. Dude, you get a hoodie. You get a fucking hoodie. Especially if they're on the street and they're just standing there like holding up signs. Those are the people he targeted. Within a week, dude, it looked like the fucking company was hosting like a homeless Olympics. Everywhere the owner went, dude, you'd see homeless guys wearing his brand. He probably got so fucking pissed, dude, oh shit, but I thought that was one of the best. Like petty revenge, like crazy stories like oh yeah I've never heard that's awesome.
Speaker 2:It's just pure genius, right. It just clicks for me, like when my dad shut the lights off uh, y2k. Like it makes sense, right? Yep, that is hilarious that's awesome, dude, that's.
Speaker 1:That's a great way he's shining down dude.
Speaker 2:That dude was awesome. Yeah, I don't think he liked me at first, so like when he first met me like dude and I get that I'm a lot so like dude I don't mean to be, I have a huge heart.
Speaker 3:You know that about me Like dude.
Speaker 2:I always do Good to my wife. It took him a while, yeah once it clicked for him that, like I had his back, me and him became fucking honeys. Yeah, I made a fucking. So they started a stupid book club at this company. Yep, construction company.
Speaker 1:Let's boost morale and make a book club said nobody, somebody actually said it. Not a good idea, fucking dumb, dumb buddum bud yeah.
Speaker 2:So I made do you remember the Sticky Bandits with Home Alone? Yeah, yeah, when they were in the newspaper, the Sticky Bandits, I made the exact version of that but it was the wet, the uh. The book club bandits. Like lock your doors. The book club bandits. I photoshopped a picture of me next to steve yep with the jail thing like marvin, and I changed all the headlines on the newspaper to just different shit, like something was mentioned in j, like it was just fuck dude, like just those boys, they're just epic yeah.
Speaker 1:Like.
Speaker 3:Justin Steve Jay all those fucking dudes man.
Speaker 2:They're just great fucking people. Every time I see them, dude, it's like a whole new, like they're the people you don't have to see all the time. Like, if I don't see them for a little bit, it's fine. Jay, I probably hang out with Jay the most, but like, yeah, they're just I don't know, just blessed and honored to be hanging out with them. That Steve story kills me, though. Just good people Handing out swag to the homeless people that's awesome. Fuck that guy.
Speaker 1:Fuck that guy. Oh shit, that's funny. So I got a story. So a lot of my stories have happened overseas, right, because I travel a lot. So this was back in 2016, no 2018, 2019 timeframe.
Speaker 2:Okay so that's like a charter timeline, Like when they're like you know it's not a repairman out. Yeah, I don't see time between 10 am and 6 pm.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, so we're over in the UAE, in Abu Dhabi, right? So we've got some installations going on there. And we get to this place, and it's in the middle of the desert. Right, we landed in Abu Dhabi, which is it's beautiful. I can't even explain it. If they could grow grass at this place, it would be the most beautiful place on earth.
Speaker 3:It is, it's great.
Speaker 2:Isn't it grass?
Speaker 1:though it's all desert. They have some places where they have water that they can grow grass, but it's a weird kind of it's different because it's grown in sand right. Right, but anyway we get off the plane and we take this bus like an hour from the airport to the facility. And the facility is it's like a secured area, kind of like a military base, but not quite as secure. I guess it's run by a security company and they take their security very seriously that kind of thing.
Speaker 1:So we get there. We have to hand over our passports when we go in this facility, which is the oddest fucking thing. You're over in a different country and you're handing over your passport. It's just not a good part of it You're not handing someone different country and you're handing over your passport.
Speaker 2:It's just not a good part of your life. You told them that was your life. You're not handing someone your Social Security card.
Speaker 1:It's like, are you making a copy, kind of you know, but you're there, You're going to be there. You're not able to leave without transportation, which we didn't have. So we're there and we're there for about three weeks at this place. Like, we get there, we get into our room and everybody has their own little room, which is basically nothing more than a bed and a bathroom, Like that's it.
Speaker 2:Murphy bed. Yeah, was the Murphy bed like on the wall.
Speaker 1:No, no, it didn't fold down. It was an actual bed, but it was like sleeping on cardboard and a sheet of plywood, you know, like there wasn't much cushioning, like the bed that I slept in when I slept in the hospital.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a bed at the hospital. Okay, totally get it.
Speaker 1:So we're there, we get there, and the first night we're okay and we get in there and we go to bed and we wake up and we're going to work, right. So we do the installation, we work, and then at lunchtime they take us to basically it's a cafeteria style, and we walk in and the fucking smell dude it's. Oh my God, it was the just reeked.
Speaker 2:Like whoa.
Speaker 1:What kind of bad right like puke, like a puke smell it was bad, like the sawdust chips in middle school it was bad. So we walk in and it's a cafeteria right and they have metal bins and everything that all this food is in. And when I say food, I'm using that term loosely because Like what did you normally get?
Speaker 1:They had. So they'd have like a soup or a slop, I'd call it. So, if you can imagine military-grade food, like something that you would go to a military, and they're scooping it out of the metal bins and they're throwing it on your plate and it's like splatting all over, like a prison kind of thing. But they take their chicken. It's bones and all dude when they grind it up, it's everything. They hold it and they just grind it up and then they have some rice or whatever that kind of thing. And so we have this for lunch and we have one guy he's a vegetarian, I don't know why. I laughed at that. There's nothing for him to eat, right. So at lunchtime he grabs some rice and they have like water and stuff like that, so he's not eating much. And then at dinner we have to go back to the same place. Right, they didn't have to do this. This is on a military-style security. There's nothing. This is it. This is the only place they have to eat.
Speaker 1:Okay, so we eat dinner and when we're walking in to the first night we were having dinner. They have all this food and then they have like, we get all our trays right and we get all our food and our slop and everything and they're taking us back. Everybody else is in the cafeteria style seating. They take us back to like a banquet hall. That's probably for like the general and all that stuff. They take us back there. There's four of us we're the only four people back there but we have our own section and our own food and on the way back, like they have loaves of bread on the on the uh shelf, the vegetarian grabs like the whole loaf of bread and like takes it with him. This is the only fucking thing he's got to eat, right.
Speaker 2:So did you guys eat in the ballroom? Yeah, did they have like pizza?
Speaker 1:like no dude they had the regular food that everybody else had. They just took us back there Just a better room, just a better room. I don't know, it was weird, it was fucking weird.
Speaker 2:Fucking weird right.
Speaker 1:So we get done eating and on their way back to our room, we notice that there's a little kind of like a 7-Eleven, right yeah, without the gas, and just a little shop. We go in there, they've got cookies, they've got chips, they've got shit like that, and we're loading up, right, because everybody's fucking starving, because all this food just sucks. So this is every day, dude.
Speaker 2:That's how Clark bars get here, folks. Yeah, yeah, that's how Almond.
Speaker 1:Joy sells out. So every day is like this we're there for three weeks, and on the weekend, right, it's the same fucking thing. We're still working because we've got to get this shit done, and so we're working.
Speaker 2:So your work sent you to a concentration camp, to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, it sucked so, but the best part. So this is the kicker right, we get the last fucking day we're there. Yeah, the guy that's kind of the liaison for the area and everything he's like, you know he's asking him. She's oh, how was the room? It's like well, you know I mean fucking sucks, but we can't tell him that you know, because we're he's our customer, basically.
Speaker 1:So like, yeah, you know, it's okay. He's like, did you guys get to get you know? Did you guys go out anywhere? We're like, what do you mean? Did we go out anywhere? Like, yeah, you guys could have gone out every night. You just had to ask for a car. And we're like, what the fuck? This is the last fucking day that we're hearing this right Three weeks, three fucking weeks in the last day says oh yeah, you guys could have gone out and got something to eat every night if you would just ask for a driver.
Speaker 1:Dude, we just about fucking ringed his neck, you know, like fucking murdered him, so. So he asks us that. And then he's like did you guys have any problem with bed bugs? What do you mean? Did we have any problem? Oh yeah, they say they run rampant around here. This is the last fucking day we're there, like, we're checking out, like we're giving him the keys back to the rooms and shit and we're getting the fuck out of there. And he's asking us all this shit, yeah, it's like you've got to be shitting me, dude. We fucking starved and ate shit. I mean, after like the first week, every single one of us. We wouldn't even go to the cafeteria, dude. We'd just go to the store and buy shit. We'd buy cookies and whatever we could eat.
Speaker 2:That's what you ate for two weeks, three weeks.
Speaker 1:Well, two weeks, fuck yeah, Dude, it was so bad, what.
Speaker 2:So you stayed in bedbugs.
Speaker 1:We didn't have bedbugs, thankfully.
Speaker 2:Dude, but prison food sounds good. Oh, thankfully.
Speaker 1:Dude, but prison food sounds good. Yeah, it was utterly ridiculous. So this is our first trip there, right? So we have another trip back. So the next time we get there we rent a car. We've got. No, we didn't rent a car that time. We actually had a bus that took us to the city, so're staying there and the we had one of the another guy come with us the first night. We he wakes up and there's ants all over his fucking bed, right, so he's like we're getting the fuck out of here. So we so we rented a car, went into the city. Dude, we stayed in the city the rest of the trip. It was fucking phenomenal. We ate at, there was a sports bar, we could get pizza, we could get beer, we could get every. I mean, dude, it was awesome. We still had to work our asses off. But like that first trip, like we still talk about that first trip and how much it sucked, the last fucking day he had tells us this yeah he just about got murdered.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was close.
Speaker 2:We're all looking at each other like that motherfucker. Yeah, oh, bed bugs. Yeah, I eat those every night because it's better than your cafeteria. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You don't want me to leave a yelled at you on this shit.
Speaker 1:No, no, yeah, it was fucked up. It was a fucked up situation. That's not cool. Is he getting another one?
Speaker 2:I do, it's a little bit bold. So this one's wild buddy, all right. So I worked for a construction company and I did marketing and sales and they had two offices. So actually their main office was in Kalamazoo. The office that was kind of a satellite was in Grand Rapids.
Speaker 3:Yep.
Speaker 2:And so there's probably five people up in Grand Rapids. It's probably more like 50, 60 in Kalamazoo, a lot of people in the field, okay, so it was one of those offices that, like you, could shot across the whole place without leaving your chair.
Speaker 3:Yeah, right, yep.
Speaker 2:Probably like your if you put three awful hotel rooms that you just described in a row and knocked all the windows down about that.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I was set up there to help a guy, their sales guy, with the marketing tools and and who he's going after, kind of like I don't know. I did more marketing and sales type stuff for them and it worked out really good. But um, so I was set up there to help a buddy I don't want to say his name, I'm just kidding. So we're sitting in the conference room, tiny little office. He's like how's Kalamazoo going, buddy? So I've been with this company for like three months at this point.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Now, me being me, I thought hey, let's lighten the mood. At 9 in the morning I replied yeah, that's pretty cool. It's pretty annoying, though. They're doing a lot of construction right now in our office and they're like moving toilets around and stuff and it's starting to drive me nuts. And he's like what do you mean? Well, they're putting all the hot girls by the bathroom. I said why is that a problem? I don't want to lock eyes with a girl and then go drop a fucking deuce next to her while she can hear it. I get that I'm getting married, but that's just not something that I pride myself in.
Speaker 2:I am a go take a dump in the middle of nowhere and hope no one can hear it coming out. So he's fucking dying dude right. And he's like who's by the bathroom? I'm telling him, I'm like you know, um, you know, heather, and yeah, jessica yeah you know, and I was like you know, I should have stopped there, dude. But you know me, I'm a habitual line stepper, so like we're laughing in unison now, me and this guy, like we're fucking dying yeah, yeah, he's saying crazy shit, I'm saying crazy shit, yeah but it's just it's, it's all in fun, right, like we're not putting it, but downwards being hilarious, yep.
Speaker 2:So I looked at him. I was like dude, pooping in the bathroom in front of jessica is a crazy experience. He's like what do you mean? I was like dude, you just don't want to make a sound. It's like a fart in church. It's like, dude, she's got that dump truck booty man, that big ass, you know. So, yeah, so I shouldn't stop. But I did Right. Other two guys fucking lose it. They're laughing. They're saying well, aren't you shit that. I'm saying, yeah, you know, like, just because I'm new, so I'm still feeling the wash, so this is a tamed down version of me. I think I'm doing all right, right. Yeah, I think I'm doing all right, right. Yeah, we're laughing in the room like idiots. Dude, ten minutes later, loud dude, ten minutes later. So we're in a conference room, yep, ten minutes later, after we're done laughing. So probably more like 15. Conference room door Fucking slides open, right, just fucking boom. And he's standing there, dude. He's like well, the only girl in the office that's good for construction, right?
Speaker 2:and she's one of those like PC types. Like you know, arts degree allergic to sarcasm. A bank out in the house probably drives a Subaru. Actually, I think she does drive a Subaru yeah boss open that door. Buddy right, I didn't even see it coming. I'm in like. I'm in like really good spirits because we've been laughing I figured, it was fine.
Speaker 2:Who the fuck do you think you are? This girl says to me, she's looking right at me. You know what, like I do, I think I've been good. Yeah, how can you talk about your co-workers like that Last part? I still don't know what she's talking about. Yeah, there's a long list that it could be. I got dirt on him, I got dirt on her.
Speaker 2:Definitely got dirt on me. Yeah, she said you know, when you guys were saying that Jessica is a dump truck booty, that's one of your fucking coworkers. Loses it Just like a PC person would right.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:She didn't like that. You're a fucking pig. You're pathetic. How do you fucking sleep at night Only talking to me? Really, I'm like dude, I was t tamed. Yeah, like this podcast does not tamed me. No, like, more tamed than 10 times more tamed than this, right, yeah, she storms out of the fucking room, dude, threatening hr. You're fucking done here. Fuck you, dude. Wow, pc girl right, just lost it. The best part, it wasn't even about her.
Speaker 1:She was mad for somebody else.
Speaker 2:Oh my God.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:This is recent. This is like last five years recent, no shit. So full disclosure. When she busted open the door and started yelling, like I had no clue what she was talking about and that's the funniest part Is that like she could have said anything.
Speaker 1:There's a multitude of things that I did this morning that she could be talking about.
Speaker 2:So, without even thinking, I look at her and I was like, yeah, she does have a dump truck booty. Honestly, if I heard a bunch of girls in a conference room talking about that, I'd be walking around them all the time dropping fucking pencils and dropping all sorts of shit, just kind of like that dope confidence. That's exactly what I said to her.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:She didn't like that at all. You fucking pathetic pig, Fuck you. She slams the door so hard. I'm going HR Dude. I hate deer in the headlights, dude. You guys too. They're sitting there, almost same deer in the headlights, but almost with that like good fucking luck, bud. Yeah, Look on their face, oh yeah, and it's like no, no, no, no, no, no. Fuck both of you, yeah.
Speaker 2:You guys are talking about, like sex positions and shit. Oh yeah, she has a nice ass, like if that's best part is. I still to this day, don't know if that's something that I said, because I don't ever say dump truck booty like it's not a thing yeah right yeah so I'm sweating bullets, dude.
Speaker 2:I'm like what the fuck man, I drive back hr ladies, my friend I always think you've already talked to her several times tell my side of the story and apologize. Same lady who, when I started, was like do you need a drug test? I'm like what? She's like we do a drug test. I was like for what? And she's like anything. I was like this pot, bad you know. And she's like, yeah, like how much time do you need? Like a week or two?
Speaker 2:67 days later I pass that bitch so six months later, like I think it's done, like I go, I go, I talk to hr and she's like hey, what's going on? I explained to her. I was like dude, grace just got pissed for something else. What do I do? And the other lady that I was talking about with the fucking last baby, she's HR too. That's her job.
Speaker 1:Oh, no shit. So she knew.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the other girl that got pissed off was not HR. She was accounting or something. But she, I don't know listened to the Dixie Chicks on the way to work and she was feeling, fuck men that day and I was in her path, dude. Yeah, oh yeah, you were in the path of the tornado six months later, dude, they pull me into an office and talk to me about why it's wrong and all this shit, and it's like I know I wrote the book on why this is wrong.
Speaker 2:I wrote the book on wrong shit she's asking me about the other guys and it feels like I'm in that weird like prison situation where it's like if you tell me what they said, I might loosen your I'll take it easy on you. I didn't snitch on them at all. I didn't say a fucking word because it's like you know what. Go fuck yourself. Yeah, and this is a girl, it's just, it's so. Yeah, long story, short dude. We fucking died. Like anytime I bring that up with Jay it's yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh god, no. Was the HR lady pissed that you were talking about her? That's the best part.
Speaker 2:I went to her still not knowing if I had said it that's how good of a friend I was. I still didn't know. I know I said shit and they said it, but I don't think I said that, but I don't think I said the dumb trick that's so specific.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I didn't want to snitch right.
Speaker 1:Right Snitches, get stitches.
Speaker 2:So I go to her and I explain to her. Dude, this is well before that six-month meeting.
Speaker 3:Well, before Like probably day after Right. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm like, hey, this is what happened, you know she's like honestly. I was like what the no way. Like awesome, we did the fist bump, everything's fine, right, she's cool, I don't think she's gonna come back, she's not. Yep, get pulled into an office six months later, dude, by, like the one I went to before. Oh fuck, yeah, didn't get fired, though, but why it's not? Ah, such a weird situation, yeah, but like just so fucking funny the same place. Do you have another one?
Speaker 2:I do, okay, hit it so this is oh, wait, wait, uh, what the fuck moral of the story folks Right out there, be careful with jokes at work, especially when Karen can hear you. I have learned that PC ladies, especially Karens, they have incredible fucking hearing.
Speaker 1:They've got mics everywhere, dude.
Speaker 2:And the silver lining to this all Is, if you're going to meet with somebody about sales or marketing, you don't always need comedy. I learned it that day.
Speaker 1:It helps.
Speaker 2:PC lady allergic to fucking sarcasm, coming at you with a fucking like dude. She's been in her room alone.
Speaker 1:Dude, she had to hate you.
Speaker 2:Oh dude, the last pussy that got touched in her house was the cat. For sure, 100%. She has four of them, 100%.
Speaker 1:Oh shit, yeah, oh shit. So we are in the UAE, okay, and so we're in Dubai this time, Okay, so there's.
Speaker 2:It's a really rich people.
Speaker 1:It is. That's a beautiful place, but we're on an island. It's called the Gold Soak. That's literally what they call it. Okay, it's an island in the middle of Dubai that you can can go over, you can get across it on a bridge or whatever, but we took a boat from one side of the little river there that they've got to the other, obviously to the island. So we're walking around and at that time I was looking for a watch and I really wanted a ferr Ferrari watch, because they have Ferrari World over in. Oh, that's cool, of course. So we're walking through and this guy like you can walk through and they're just like on top of you trying to sell you whatever, trying to sell you this, trying to sell you that.
Speaker 2:So it's like the stripper cards in Vegas.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely yeah, they're on. So we're walking through. And he's like, oh, can I help you find something, or whatever. And the guy I'm with says, yeah, he's looking for a Ferrari watch. He's like, oh, follow me. So we start walking, we start following him. Right, we're going through alleys. We're going through alleys. We're going through shit like that. There's fucking guys, homeless guys sleeping on the side of the road and they're in the alley and shit like that.
Speaker 2:It's just weird and that guy's t-shirt. Right, my friend steve, they got fired. Were they wearing a shirt? They?
Speaker 1:weren't, they weren't, but so so we get into this little. So we're looking for a watch, right, that's what I'm looking for.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And we walk into this place that has a like they have linens and shit and bags.
Speaker 3:I'm like what the fuck?
Speaker 1:And he's like oh no, no, no, come in, come in, come in. And so we're standing there and there's another guy that's in the store already and he starts to try to talk to us, and obviously we don't speak the language, so he can't communicate.
Speaker 1:So all of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, there's a little, you know, like the drop ceiling, squares the tiles. Yeah, the motherfucker starts coming down from the ceiling. This is no shit, it's a fucking elevator. It's the size of a fucking square of a drop ceiling. Okay, it's probably three by three. Yeah, it's coming down out of the ceiling, Gets to the bottom. All three of us so the guy I'm with me and this guy that's showing us we all get on this fucking elevator. It's a three by three fucking square. I'm not a small guy. This guy's small. The guy I'm with is a little smaller than me. We get in there and we're all scrunched up and we go right up through the ceiling, dude it was like Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Speaker 1:So we get up there and there's a bunch of bags and stuff that are all over their shelves and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:They're all over A whole different world A whole different world and we're like I'm still looking around, there's no fucking watches to be found, right. So we go over and there's like mirrors on the corners of the room and stuff like that. He starts pulling mirrors off the wall and we're like holy shit, we're going to have to walk through the fucking wall. We're like this is freaked out. We're like what the fuck is going on? Well, he pulls these mirrors off the corners and he pulls out these briefcases right, pulls them out and he opens them up and it's full of watches Wow, full of them. Like there's all kinds of them.
Speaker 2:There's like there's all kinds of there's foresters. Were they real or fake? I don't know. I would imagine tile that you wrote up. No dude okay.
Speaker 1:So first of all, we're in a fucking like. They don't make things like that. Yeah, so that I think there's some sketchy shit going on. Oh, I can't say so he proceeds to open these briefcases up. He's got all these fucking watches and I'm like this is fucking weird this and he's like trying to sell me this train.
Speaker 1:I'm like I'm looking for a ferrari watch. That's what I want. I want a ferrari watch. He doesn't fucking have any. So he opens up this other, he goes in another little corner and he pulls off that briefcase and finally he's got one. Right it's you can definitely tell it's like it's not legit at all. Yeah, I'm like this and he's trying to. He's trying to sell it.
Speaker 3:And at that point.
Speaker 1:it was probably I don't know 50 bucks. He was trying to get me to buy it for I don't know how much. I think I got him down to like 10 bucks. He was trying to get me to buy it for I don't know how much. I think I got him down to like $10. I bought it, but it was just. I mean you can definitely tell it's not anywhere.
Speaker 2:Do you still have it?
Speaker 1:I think so somewhere.
Speaker 2:How old is the guy?
Speaker 1:Oh dude, I don't know. I have no idea how old he is he was probably in his mid. I would guess he was probably in his mid.
Speaker 2:She like went into the ceiling of a bodega and like found this watch.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, the guy I'm with you know he thinks we're going to get fucking murdered. You know he's in it for the adventure he's that guy.
Speaker 3:He's like let's do this. Fuck yeah, let's do this.
Speaker 2:We're going up. Our E True Hollywood story is called when you Lie and Die in Dubai.
Speaker 1:But I mean, the thing was, it was like we walked into this fucking place. There's not a fucking watch to be found, it's a fucking. They've got like cloth and shit and you're not anywhere near home. No, no, we're not. I mean, we're out on the fucking. So this island right, there's gold everywhere. Can you imagine if you were three girls?
Speaker 2:Oh, it would never happen. I'm not being weird, but I'm saying like that would be a crazy situation.
Speaker 3:I don't think that you could yeah.
Speaker 1:Girls shouldn't do that and we probably shouldn't have been in that situation either, but we're in it for the adventure. You know, we're in fucking Dubai. We're halfway across the world, we're going to dubai.
Speaker 2:We're across, we're halfway across the world.
Speaker 1:We're gonna do it. We're gonna win it. You know, yeah, we're gonna try, and I got a great story. We got it from the road, the fucking the, the tile, the tile, elevator.
Speaker 2:You know we're gonna be sliding we're gonna try, we're gonna ride the elevator real high and we're gonna die in dubai yeah they used to. I used to go like to new york every now and then when I was a kid, and they had that too with fake oakley's and fake rolexes and tag humor watches. Oh, yeah, so they'd follow you around and it was funny because they'd have trench coats. They'd open those bitches up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and there's just like every frame of oakley you can think of like the sport frames the wire, frames the whatever, yep, and then every fucking rolex you can think of. Yeah, and they just walk around like, like. But you could do it. It started at 40 bucks. You would get them down to like six dollars yeah I bought all of them. I bought so many. I loved it. I loved hunting down the fake oakley guy. Yeah, that was fun as shit for me. So I was a kid. Yeah, you wear like SpongeBob sunglasses. You don't wear real shit.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:So when you can like look official and have real shit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Way better. No, it was cool. I mean it was cool because of the. I mean we're in the middle of nowhere, there's nobody around, we have no idea if we're going to our death. It was cool. We're in it for the adventure. So that's my, it was wild, it was really wild.
Speaker 2:I got work stories for days. Yeah, like just a spoiler, I'm not going to tell it. But my buddy Jay, he put a chirping cricket in my office that I couldn't find those suck dude.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, those suck.
Speaker 2:Hilarious Fan-fucking-tastic Right.
Speaker 1:I'll tell that one a different day, all right, all right, so I think we should do the top five.
Speaker 2:Reasons for getting pulled into HR that don't include a dump truck booty. All, all right you want me to go first? Yeah, you go first. Okay, did you go one to five last episode or five to one?
Speaker 1:I, I didn't put them in any particular order, okay number one.
Speaker 2:I altered my friend's email signature to include the term MILF. I changed her work logo to a picture of her naked oh my God From her OnlyFans. She forgot and sent an email to the board of directors.
Speaker 3:Oh shit Wow.
Speaker 2:Perfect story. Whoever got that email was like no fucking way, You're not doing it. I told you they were perky.
Speaker 1:I told you, bitch, I told you you had a dump truck butt.
Speaker 2:The dump truck butt Number two. All right, I sent my Alexa to moan every time someone asked to turn the lights on or off. They apparently aren't a big fan of automation. Can you imagine that, if you're like Alexa, dim lights? It's like ah, yes, oh shit, Alexa, turn the lights on. Oh man, that's fucking awesome. Oh yeah, oh yeah, Dude, I good old time. Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Dude, I would laugh so hard at that Number three, I made an inappropriate banana and two eggs sculpture doing the company potluck. That would be me. That would be me all day. Oh yeah, jay's laughing, justin's laughing. Watch this. You know like he's being stupid yeah, yeah, I can definitely see that um, I sent a spec, a spicy text. Oh fuck, number four, number four. I sent a spicy text to my wife and realized it was a group chat that my boss was involved in. Hey honey, I heard you ordered a sausage pizza.
Speaker 3:You know?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was done. I mass texted a picture of my cock to everyone in. This is number one, shit, shit, number one, shit, shit, number one. I mass texted a picture of my dick to everyone in my phone. I mean, I'm a fucking numbers guy. The more texts, the more possibilities. Ask HR if they understand how numbers work. Oh shit, hey, greg, get my cock photo. Dude, did you like my cock phone out? Dude, did you like my cock on the shelf for?
Speaker 1:Christmas. What were you marketing for tic tacs?
Speaker 2:fake Ferrari watches. Dude, if you have the cock in there, it looks so real oh shit, oh.
Speaker 1:I worked with a guy that wanted to date a midget because it would make his junk look huge. Good idea.
Speaker 2:Wow, never thought of that. I'm surprised it's not a big thing in China.
Speaker 1:I think it just looks normal there. Yeah, true, I don't know.
Speaker 2:So we would be huge over there. That's cool.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:Right, though I mean I guess that's awesome. All right, so my top five. So all of mine are out of office replies. So when somebody sends you an email you're out of the office, the reply that gets sent back. Okay, Okay. So the out-of-office reply would say Number one Number one Went fishing for a new job. Wish me luck.
Speaker 2:We'll return one day.
Speaker 1:Number two the out-of-office reply would say I joined the circus, but don't worry, I'm still juggling all your problems.
Speaker 2:Dude, if I got that, I would fucking die.
Speaker 1:Number three, number three, okay, number three. Out of office reply would say binge watching Netflix and sipping margaritas you will be ignored until I run out of episodes or tequila.
Speaker 2:One of the two, one of the two, and so just a table full of half-carats.
Speaker 1:Give a picture. Yeah, oh my God, at number five. Wait, that was on three, One, two, three. Oh, this is number four, oh shit.
Speaker 2:I'm missing one Number four.
Speaker 1:I'm going to have to come up with one on the fly.
Speaker 2:My out-of-office reply would say I've been whacking off for the past couple days. When I come out of here, I'm going to look like Popeye the Sailor, but I will be back. That's you, tom. I like that one. Oh, my god, your right arm looks a little puffy. Yeah, I've been at home so my number five.
Speaker 1:then the out-of-office reply would say I'm out of the office and so is my patients. Your email will be deleted automatically.
Speaker 2:Dude what if it said you have a virus. Oh, you have received a virus.
Speaker 1:That would be sinister.
Speaker 2:You have received proof that global warming is real. Please throw your computer out your office window. If you don't want to see what, or if you don't want me to tell everybody your secret, just leave it there.
Speaker 2:You would see pcs go flying through windows dude yeah did you have any more um, if you put like an edible bottle of lube in the fridge and labeled it vegan salad dressing, use the office printer to print out my favorite OnlyFans picture. I mean, fuck my internet's down at my house. I need to have materials and this is MapQuest. Right, I don't have Google Maps, I have this shit.
Speaker 1:I've got to go home and watch the Dallas Cowboys.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, a couple times. I'm going to go watch Milfs on the Cowboys Network Mom, no, mom, wow, wow. And then I have funny things you can find in the fridge, like a co-worker's sex doll. Oh, like being ready for it at night all jazzed up Like what if it was Valentine's?
Speaker 1:Day hey find her in the dishwasher.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a banana with a suggestive bite pattern and a lipstick stain. It would be the mystery behind the banana. Oh yeah, I'd be on that for days. Me and Jay would have been on that for weeks.
Speaker 1:Like whose banana?
Speaker 2:is it Weeks buddy? Yeah, an American pie dude, like the one that Jim fucked, with no explanation, just like it looks like someone came by and fucked it or punched it and no one explained it. Why no one ate it. I would look through every camera. I would find out who fucked a pie. I would need to know. It's probably that lady that fucking got mad for her friend. That wasn't mad, you know oh shit.
Speaker 2:And then I had reasons for being late. Like my vibrator died mid session, I had to wait for it to charge. I super glued myself to myself. God damn it, my lube bottle looks like a gorilla glue. Um oh shit, I couldn't find the handcuff keys and we only had one fucking set. What was I supposed to do? I had to delete my browser history because my wife's coming back from her trip and I had to make sure I got it done. The McRib is back, so I rushed there, only to find out that lunch starts at 10.30. So obviously I waited, and now I'm here at 10.45. What's?
Speaker 1:the big fucking deal. Right, had to wait. Had to wait for the McRib.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the McRizzle, that's about it. Awesome. So vegan salad. So sex styles and vegan sounds, so yeah if you want to play a prank on your coworkers, just leave a very like dude the banana.
Speaker 1:If somebody put a banana in the office refrigerator With lipstick on it.
Speaker 2:With lipstick on it Like you're a deep throat in it, but like perfect, like where it's hot and a mystery, yeah, it's over. Yeah, like, or dude put, I mean, if you're bold, right, we live in the camera era.
Speaker 3:So you can't ding dong ditch, you can't do any lit shit.
Speaker 2:it's not a thing. Yeah, you know where they don't put a camera on the fucking fridge at work. Right, that's true. Throw a pocket pussy in there with a weird message Like I will never have your bullshit again, write that on there and leave it in there. Can you imagine I would lose it? Yeah, I'd have so much fun with that.
Speaker 1:Oh shit, yeah, you could get away with some really bad shit.
Speaker 2:Really bad shit or just be. You know, have a pattern. Like you know. You have a buddy at work that you fuck off with. That you know like will handle it like dude. Leave a sticky note on his desk that every day says I know what you did. That's the only thing it says, but never let him catch you dropping it. Yeah, and leave it like randomly like every Thursday. Every Thursday I come back to my desk and say I know what you did and it's like I don't know what I did.
Speaker 2:It's like when she busted in that room, I didn't know why she was mad, I just knew that you know. I don't know she got sick of watching her fucking cat get petted and her pussy nut get petted like I don't know what happened. I hate her. I don't know what happened. I hate her. I can't stand her.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm sure she feels the same way.
Speaker 2:I'm sure it's reciprocal, yeah, but like her reasons are dumb, like I'm sorry that your vagina doesn't get used and you hate the world. Like I'm so sorry about that, but like it's not my fault, bud, it's not my fault, I'm the new guy. Yeah, were you mad because I didn't say you had a dump truck for a year.
Speaker 1:Is that what this is Could be? Oh man, Well, hey, man, that wraps it up. I think we're all set. I think we covered everything. If you have any comments, any things you want to hear, any kind of top five of your own.
Speaker 2:If you just want to shout the word titties at us, we're fine with it. We're fine with titties, titties, titties, whatever.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, we're good with all that, so drop us a comment, subscribe, do all those kinds of things. We have an email, a Gmail.
Speaker 2:I think we only get advertisers advertisers looking to like, like, sell us like they're. Like you have 40 lessons. You do you want 40 lessons, like that's, where 50 listens. All right, we're small time.
Speaker 1:Do you want seven subscribers?
Speaker 2:yeah, we're bigger than.
Speaker 1:That is rowdandloudy at gmailcom.
Speaker 2:R-O-W-D-A-N-D-L-O-U-D-Y at gmailcom. Dude, I shouldn't sing. That should be a rule.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can.
Speaker 2:We got to have consequences for things that you do wrong, Like if I sing or something it's like.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, oh, dude, that reminds me. So episode 10, I, I'm gonna drop this right here. Episode 10 we're gonna do subject bingo. That was a. That was a comment that we had one of our, uh, one of our listeners. He wanted to have like random. So we just we throw a comment or we throw a subject into a hat or whatever and we pick it out and we gotta tell a story.
Speaker 2:It's time to celebrate, yeah.
Speaker 1:That'll be episode 10. We got a couple more episodes and we'll be there.
Speaker 2:Oh dude, we're gonna get all up in it, you know. Oh yeah, we're in it to win it.
Speaker 1:Alright, everybody, you have a good day, good night.
Speaker 2:Or try yeah, don't be a dick about it. Yeah, don't be a dick.
Speaker 3:Oh my God, I didn't mean to mess you up, that was me, that's all right.
Speaker 2:That was me, that's all right. I won't let it happen again. Yeah, you will.
Speaker 1:I know I will. I mean to All right, everybody, you all take care. Hope you enjoy the show.
Speaker 2:And yeah, leave us a comment, subscribe, throw us an email, all those kinds of things We'd love to hear from you, or a picture of a dump truck, your choice.
Speaker 1:Or some titties, titties. All right. All right, everybody. That's all I got you. Bye peace.
