Rowd & Loudy Comedy Podcast
Welcome to Rowd and Loudy, the podcast where two blue-collar best friends from Michigan take you on a wild ride through life’s highs and lows. Whether we’re swapping stories from the jobsite, sharing laughs over backyard beers, or diving deep into the struggles and triumphs of everyday life, we keep it real, raw, and relatable. Expect a mix of humor, heart, and hard truths as we navigate the chaos of work, family, and friendship—all with a Midwest twist. Tune in and join the crew for a weekly dose of unfiltered conversation, a little rowdiness, and a lot of laughs!
Every episode features funny stories, funny moments and a top 5. The top 5 is unique because we do not share our top 5's with each other until we are live on the air.
The catch neither Brad nor Eric knows what the other person is going to say, the shock value is incredible. This is a comedy podcast about all the fun stuff in life.
Every episode features funny stories and a top 5.
Join Eric and Brad on a Rowd and Loudy Journey today!
Rowd & Loudy Comedy Podcast
Episode 9 - Why College Stories Are Always Better with a Drink in Hand
Join us on a hilarious and nostalgic journey as we remember our college days filled with unforgettable moments and outrageous stories. In this episode, we dive deep into the wild and wacky tales that defined our youth—from epic parties to the surreal dating profiles we encountered along the way. We share our top five picks in a raucous game of "F**k One, Kill One, Marry One," featuring pop culture icons, guaranteeing laughs and heavy banter.
Reflecting on the relationships forged in those formative years, we discuss what those experiences meant and how they influence who we are today. We also dive into some of the worst (and the best) things we've spotted on dating profiles, which leads to a broader conversation about dating culture during our college years. Whether you’re a current student or recalling your own college days, there’s something relatable for everyone in this episode.
As always, we value our listeners, acknowledging your support and feedback that keeps us motivated and connected. With a promise of even more engaging stories, listen in, laugh with us, and be part of our journey as we continue sharing the loud and rowdy moments that make life unforgettable. Don’t forget to subscribe, share with friends, and leave us your thoughts for our next episodes—what are your most memorable college experiences?
ROWD and LOUDY is the ultimate comedy podcast where two best friends share hilarious, never-before-heard stories in every episode! Tune in for laughs, surprises, and spontaneous humor as each episode features fresh, funny tales that one of the hosts has never heard before. Plus, every episode includes a Top 5 list where we rank and discuss random topics, adding even more fun to the mix. Whether you’re into storytelling, comedy, or just want to hear two friends banter about life, ROWD and LOUDY has you covered.
Listen now for your weekly dose of laughter, entertainment, and raw, unfiltered humor.
Comedy, Funny Stories, Humor Podcast, Best Friend Podcast, Hilarious Podcast, Top 5 Podcast, Hilarious Podcast, Storytelling Podcast, Weekly Comedy Show, Laugh out Loud Podcast, Unfiltered Humor.
Welcome back to the Routin' Loudy podcast. This is episode 9 and we got a great show. I'm excited, very, very excited about it. It's going to be a banger.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, we're going to get all up in it. Brother, it's going down, dude it's going down.
Speaker 1:So tonight we've got some college-era stories. So what happened to us during our college days? And then we've got a top five of fuck one, kill one, marry one, and I've actually got a little bit of twist on it A little bit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, some of mine are vulgar as hell.
Speaker 1:I'm sure I have no doubt.
Speaker 2:And also a little bit like really guy. You know I got a good mix of those, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:So before we get started with that, we're going to go over our top three from the previous episode. Which was the best or no, it was worst Things that you could find on a dating profile.
Speaker 2:So you swipe right, you know, and you're reading that description, you're like okay, pictures are fine. I don't know why I always go to a girl voice, but like it's fine pictures, steve looks awesome, like I think he seems like a good guy, but then you read that description like oh, yeah all right. So our recap of that previous Number three my vagina has no gag reflex. She'd probably get a lot of swipe rights for that.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Number two married with a pegging fetish. My husband's not into it.
Speaker 1:No ass, I'll pass okay, dude, that's a big no big no how to go with mary's.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, I haven't shit right for a week, but wait, brother, how'd that happen like you don't want to know you know well love can be.
Speaker 1:I don't want to talk about it right, yeah, yeah, don't look at her profile and the number one from the previous episode.
Speaker 2:I can flick a paper football with my boner and make field goals, all damn day. See, I think that's a talent, I'd want to see that all like. If somebody See, I think that's a talent, I'd want to see that all Like, if somebody had like something like that, like, I guess, if I was the opposite, you know I'm trying to think about the girl equivalent. Like I don't know, I can shoot a ping pong ball out my you know and be like prove it.
Speaker 1:Like prove it, I can play beer pong with my vagina. Oh my God, just.
Speaker 2:She's better than you and she's not even using her hands, bro. What's your fucking excuse, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can flip a paper football with my boner.
Speaker 2:Hold up the field goal for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's my talent.
Speaker 2:Turn on Roseanne. I got a oh shit.
Speaker 1:That would be a fumble Dude. Why did?
Speaker 2:those ads never suggest watching Roseanne, like you know. If you have a boner for more than four hours and you've already watched 30 minutes of Roseanne, then call the doctor.
Speaker 1:Yeah, then call the doctor. I don't know. We should suggest that we should call Puffizer Puffizer dude.
Speaker 2:Suggest that those fucking dumb dogs I get why, but it's such a Puffizer.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:But we can't talk shit about them because they have deep pockets. I don't want to go there.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, yeah, they do have deep pockets.
Speaker 2:Yeah, deeper than us man. Oh yeah, like deep, yeah, yeah, my pockets get a hole in it. I know I chopped a quarter today and I went and picked it up and I was like I'm excited for the day, but I just don't care, I just leave it there it's like it's for the next guy. Yeah, I'm take a penny, leaving a penny wherever I go right but I never take them.
Speaker 2:So I'm fucking balling. Why don't you just use the take a penny, leave a penny? I turned a new leaf right. Just drop them. Never take one, because I'm fucking balling. Why don't you just use the take a penny, leave a penny?
Speaker 1:I turned a new leaf. I just drop them shits in the parking lot, right, yeah, I just throw them in the, yeah. The people love it, so so I want to take this opportunity to thank our fans, our listeners, our supporters that have been with us since day one. I wish I knew all their names, but unfortunately, dude, I know a lot of them.
Speaker 2:Jay, justin is another buddy of mine from a company that I used to work at. Shit, my dad's a jury. Oh yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Our wives.
Speaker 2:My mind doesn't listen much anymore.
Speaker 1:No, Well, I mean this is not really a show for girls, that's really not. I mean, I hope we have some, I hope we have a lot that listen to it. I just can't imagine that there's going to be a lot no, it's me maybe if we, we, I think eventually this show will evolve a little bit and it'll be more for everybody.
Speaker 2:But yeah, and I hope everyone gets enjoyment out of it. But like I just can't sit here and talk to you about feelings, or like I just I don't think it's gonna work. No, you know, no, I don't think it's gonna work?
Speaker 1:no, you know no, I don't want that either and I think I know why my wife probably doesn't like to listen is she's quiet and she has to listen.
Speaker 2:We talk all the day, so like if you've like added oh yeah, another layer.
Speaker 1:She doesn't want to listen to you any more than she has to I don't fucking blame her. You know, I don't fucking blame her yeah, I don't think my wife has listened to every episode yet, but she's just not dedicated.
Speaker 2:She's not that into you, dude. I wish she was we all do.
Speaker 1:We all do. Yeah, I wish she was that into me, but yeah, so but anyway any banger college.
Speaker 2:Oh sorry, you're just saying thank you. I want to say thank you too. It's dude. I never thought that we'd be sitting here like nine episodes in and like I get that we're still going. Dude, I want to hit a hundo you know Like I want to keep going, but like it is really cool, like realizing that it started as just kind of an idea for and tell funny fucking things that have happened in life, yeah, and it's kind of turned into an outlet.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:And it's kind of accomplished what I wanted it to, yeah, so the people that do listen, I sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, appreciate it. Yeah, I know I'm a wild guy, but I give a shit and thank you so much.
Speaker 1:Yeah, at this point in time, just our our on one statistics, or analytics, I guess they're called. We have 120 downloads and I don't know how much is on our youtube. I haven't looked at that in a while, but the last I looked it was over 50 there. So dude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we're probably like 200. We might be close to 200 listens, 200 downloads.
Speaker 1:So we're, you know I that's, it's cool.
Speaker 2:You know, I've never honestly didn't think that not that we've like taken off or anything, but I didn't think that there was going to be that many people I know that would want to listen to us talk no but it's been cool, that's it's kind of like a way of the of the future though it's like and I understand it too, because I gotta listen to sports radio all the time like when I get sick of music, like I just got the new a day to remember cd, though, and that fucking bangs dude, I haven't blaring that shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah back, love that band but like when I don't have something, like I listen to a lot of like talk radio, sports or like podcast stuff, so I get it, yeah, and I think that comedy is kind of an area that is lacking with podcasts, if you ask me. I think a lot of them are informational a lot of them are.
Speaker 2:There's a lot of them that I very niche yes, it's like bigfoot or it's like, uh, murder mystery, or it's, you know, and that's cool too, like that's what's, that's what's kind of unique about it. But I feel like there's not a ton of like comedy on there, there's some good ones, but like that's an area that I would like to be in and stay in.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, absolutely yeah. I want to make people laugh and I want it to be just continue to be an outlet and I mean I laugh my ass off on these shows.
Speaker 2:I mean I laugh my ass off on these shows.
Speaker 1:I mean now I go back and listen to them just to make sure that when I'm doing the editing and everything, I laugh my ass off when I listen to it.
Speaker 2:I woke up my newborn and my wife dude the time I was writing down the worst sponsors for football teams, and it was the Pornhub Dallas Cowboys because they're used to finishing disappointed and still coming back. And I just fucking busted Just the fact that I thought of that. It was like you've got to be fucking kidding. Me brain Really Woke up both of them. They were pissed and I was still laughing. I'm sitting there just like but it's Pornhub On a jersey, because they suck like but it's Pornhub.
Speaker 1:Like on a jersey Because they suck. Yeah, oh God, yeah, that was fucking hilarious. But, yeah, I listened too I hope that everybody out there enjoys the show, continues to listen, continues to get some laughs yeah, and that's all I'm looking for.
Speaker 2:Dude, we got to get like a text line. I think that's the way of the future, right, like instead of like comments on it. Oh yeah, wouldn't that be cool if we just had like a dedicated line that was like text.
Speaker 1:It would be 6969-6969 to 6969-6969. We will be right with you, oh shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so talk to me about college age, Brad. Did you go to school after or did you?
Speaker 1:So I did so. I had kind of a weird situation after high school. I was dating a chick in high school.
Speaker 2:Was she hot Kinda yeah that's fine, that's acceptable.
Speaker 1:Was she hot Kind of?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's fine, that's acceptable Bees get degrees dude.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so, but she ended up getting pregnant and this was.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, how old were you?
Speaker 1:I was 16?, 15?, 16?, yeah, but best part how'd she get pregnant, brad? Do we need to go to? Do we need to discuss the birds and the bees, eric?
Speaker 2:I mean, you know that the plane's not going to run without the fuel right?
Speaker 1:right, so. So I mean, so she ended up getting pregnant, right, okay, and it turns out it could have been three other dudes rather than me. Okay, like Three other dudes.
Speaker 2:Baby, baba Roulette.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it turned out to be another guy, which was fortunate for me, but anyway so. But after after that I met my first wife, and that was just before I left for college. So I went down to lima, ohio, to a uh, it's called northwestern, but it was um, it wasn't like the big northwestern, it was an auto diesel tech school oh, that's cool. So I went there for two semesters, okay, so I did automatic transmissions and manual transmissions, so I did both of those classes and then my first wife ended up getting pregnant.
Speaker 2:Was there three guys this time? No, thankfully it wasn't Just two.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, it was me.
Speaker 2:She can't ever get pregnant in the butt. You can never remember that for sure. Or if your pullout game is strong, nothing to worry about, right.
Speaker 1:So I was there for two semesters, right, so I didn't have a lot of stories from that time frame. I did go to school. I went back to college after and went into uh machining and got my journeyman's card and all that stuff.
Speaker 2:So dude, but yeah, it's more of like that age, like the 18, to like 25 is what I was going with. Oh, yeah, yeah that age, like it doesn't matter if you're. That's why I asked you that it's like it doesn't matter if you're at school or trade school. Yeah, it's just more that time frame, yep.
Speaker 1:But it was so one of those times that I came back from school. So I'm living in Michigan. I go down to Lima, Ohio it's just like a three-hour drive. I come back one night. She's got a pregnancy test on the dresser.
Speaker 2:Oh God.
Speaker 1:She's like there's something in the dresser you need to see. I'm like, okay, so I walk in there. I don't think I spoke for like three days. After that I'm like, oh shit, how old were you, I was 18. Fuck, no, I was 17.
Speaker 2:Sorry, because when my son was born, you were out of high school at 17? And then a trade school.
Speaker 1:Well, no, you must have been 19. Well, I was trying to think here.
Speaker 2:See, that's what Ohio does to you, dude. It clouds everything. Dude, it's just a big shittle.
Speaker 1:I must have been 18. Yeah, I was 18. That's what it was. I was 18, and I was just about to turn 19, because the lady at the hospital almost didn't let me stay in the room when my son was born because I was 18 and it was like under 18, you had to leave at a certain time.
Speaker 2:So that's what parents, teachers, did your parents sign the waiver?
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:Like a field trip. How old was your wife?
Speaker 1:She was 20. She was a couple years older than me 2021.
Speaker 2:That's all the shit. The crazy thing about that is that I was at Western from when I was 18 until 23. And I let's see Lucy's 12 going on 13. So, yeah, it would have been 23. So, like either it was right after, no, it was during college. Still, I think I was a five-year guy.
Speaker 1:I don't know, dude, it was too long ago for me to put all those fucking numbers together in my head. But yeah, so I was 18 because he was born in February.
Speaker 2:February what.
Speaker 1:February 24th, so his birthday was a couple of days ago, so anyway.
Speaker 2:I'm on the third. That's why I asked.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so, and then my birthday is in March, so so I was just about to turn 19. But anyway, so I got back, obviously, from college and saw that. So after that I took the two semesters in college and then I went to work just basically to raise money to take care of my family. Oh yeah, but while I'm down there, a couple stories happened.
Speaker 2:In Ohio.
Speaker 1:In Ohio. So at this college they had, we had dorms that were kind of different than normal. Dorms were kind of different than normal dorms. There was actually three bedrooms in the same, so it was like the same dorm but it had three bedrooms. There was one bathroom and then we had a little kitchen area with a stove and all that shit. So, coed no Damn, it was all dudes. Shit no Damn, it was all dudes.
Speaker 2:Shit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I roommate or I bunked with a buddy of mine that I went to high school with because he went there, and then two other guys that were in the other room they actually were guys that I met when I went to auto diesel school. In in high school there was a tech uh center that so I met them and they actually ended up going. And then there was another guy that was in the same. I think I met him in that same class. But then we had another guy he was like a senior at the time that was at um in the college, so he was a senior, so he was a few years, a few years older than the rest of us. Yeah so, but he, um, he was like a. I don't know where he was from. If he was from ohio, if he was from down south, I have no idea hickorbo yeah, he was a.
Speaker 1:He was a redneck like through and through, okay rebel flag tattoo kind of maybe yeah, but he um so every night and I swear to god it was every night, dude he liked southern Comfort, like that was his go-to drink. I bet he had I don't know this for certain, but I bet he'd have a bottle of that every night. So he'd down this, he'd get out of school, down this bottle of you know it was a fifth of Southern Comfort down the bottle and then before he would go to bed he would walk out in the middle of the complex, out in the road, and yell yee-haw at the top of his lungs and like yee-haw, I mean just loud as shit.
Speaker 2:And then he would go back in, walk through there, go to bed and he was done every night, the fuck, yeah, every night, so only in ohio, like there's no other place where that's acceptable. Like like dude, seriously, you, you think at western that someone could do that, and it's like no dude. By night three, I'm going out there and I'm giving that guy a piece of my fucking mind and I'm like bud, hey, right here, yeah me tall guy. Okay, yeah, six foot three. Um, once again, six foot three. How big was he?
Speaker 1:he was a big dude damn it yeah, he was big. He was a big farm boy. Yeah, nobody wanted to fuck with him.
Speaker 2:Let's put it that way he put some x-lax in that southern comfort. So when he lets out that yeehaw, A lot more comes out and he's embarrassed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh dude. It was like, oh my God. But the first night we're all there, right, we get there, we're hanging around the table playing cards and just doing stupid shit that college kids do. And he fucking gets done with his bottle, walks outside and does that and we're all looking like what the fuck is that, and he walks back in, goes to bed.
Speaker 2:Did you ever explain it the next fucking night? No, why Did you ever ask him why you do that? No, See. I'm bold as shit.
Speaker 1:I would have asked night one. I would have been like hey.
Speaker 2:Trevor, the fuck are you doing?
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, just put it in perspective.
Speaker 2:What kind of response do you think you're going to get when he's hammered as shit, does that and goes to bed. I think it sounds something like this Well, god damn it, I just put my trousers on and because of that I went and got my whiskey. I'm not able to shoot my daggum rifle or shotgun out there, so it's one of the things that just makes sense to me in my mind.
Speaker 1:I guess yeah, I don't know, nobody asked.
Speaker 2:It was like Was he a Buckeye fan?
Speaker 1:I have no idea, I'm sure. He might have. I don't know if he was from Ohio, though.
Speaker 2:If you celebrate ignorance, you're a Buckeye fan.
Speaker 1:Anyway. But yeah, it was like like it was every night, dude, he would down a bottle and do that go to bed.
Speaker 2:What if the only night he didn't do it in the street was when he was like banging out a chick and he knew he was finished because he let out the same yeehaw all right, bitch give me, my southern comfort. I gotta, I gotta go I gotta go yeah yeah, it was, uh, it was weird, weird, weird as shit. So if you ever have to work on your resume again, I think in special skills you should maybe put in there survived Ohio, like I think that probably should go in there.
Speaker 1:Right yeah.
Speaker 2:A lot of people don't come back from that, Brad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2:It's like a lack of concentration camp. You know Like it's like a lack of concentration camp, you know like it's just people who are so lost. You know not that you're lost, I mean you were a man amongst boys, but like yeah you don't come back from Ohio with a smile on your face. No it's not like jet skiing.
Speaker 1:Right, it's like paddle boating. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not even that cool.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not even that cool, it's not even paddle boat cool.
Speaker 1:It's like you're behind the paddle boat kicking the paddle boat because the paddle boat broke, or you're just on a raft. Yeah, that smells You're on a raft and going down the river.
Speaker 2:I'm on a raft. I'm on a raft, all right, so you get to play a little bit of a college story roulette. I got six of them for you doing. Okay, all the funny names, and one of them involves southern comfort. Oh, really bush nap bush nap stinky surprise where's waldo tiny but hilarious. Knock, knock, knock and no-go. Soko Bush nap. Stinky surprise where's Waldo Tiny?
Speaker 1:but hilarious Knock knock. I think we got to go with stinky surprise.
Speaker 2:That's a great one. So I had a couple buddies that I would go to parties with a lot like in college and oh gosh. So I hung out with a couple guys from high school that I ended up at college with, like Jacko, and then a couple of our like suite mates we were really tight with, but later on we kind of ran with a different crowd, like so it was like malloy and chad and all these guys, right malloy yeah, that was his name.
Speaker 2:That's what everyone called him. His real name was crisp. His last name was malloy, so it's kind of like how people call me schwab okay he was cool, cool fucking guy dude, yeah, um, and we would go to all these parties. Like they were really I don't know. They were like connected with like the people that you should be when. Like I was more of like a stoner, don't fucking care, kind of guy.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, right.
Speaker 2:So we were going to all these parties and I mean we met some fucking douchebags dude, like, just like. I mean we met some fucking douchebags dude, like, just like. I mean you know the guy that comes out with like the tribal tattoos and like you can tell he's been like in his room fucking just pounding steroids and red bull dude and just being a fucking flamer dude, right, well, like we'd always see these people and like chad was really outgoing, I was really outgoing, maloy was really outgoing. And then we ran with a crew that was wild as fuck dude. There's like 15 of us like, but like it was people you wouldn't fuck with, like my friend dylan like I mean, just mess people up. So we started going to these parties more and I wasn't I mean I I went to a bunch of parties, but like it wasn't that normal to me to go all the time right.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So I finally started talking to Malloy about it and I was like dude, some of these people we're meeting at these parties are fucking douchebags and I just started listing them. He's like who, man? I'm like Jason Corey, sean Greg.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know what makes them a douchebag? It's like what makes them not a douche bag? Like I don't mean to be like judgmental guy, but like fucking a and uh. Maloy is one of those dudes that would like drop something that would make you think, but like you wouldn't, you wouldn't ever solve it for you. So he just looks at me and goes, oh well, yeah, chad already takes care of that. And I was yeah, chad already takes care of that. I was like what the fuck does that mean? He goes out. I'll have him show you sometime. And I was like all right, so we go to this, this party, and this guy is fucking ridiculous and he's like he's got these like two puppies or whatever at this house.
Speaker 2:There's like 300 people at this house they're getting fucking smashed and we're smoking, drinking whatever typical western party like yeah and this guy's like don't let the dogs out, don't let the dogs out, and who let the dogs out? Right, so, um, did you hear it? Fuck, yeah, I was that guy. I was that guy all day, and anyone listening knows that I'm that guy I'm bold dude like I am not good for somebody to be sitting there like, hey, why don't you?
Speaker 2:you know, and I'm fucked up like hey, what if you, you know, grab the cop's gun and point it at him? I bet he'd like that. Like you know, like dude, I don't need one of those near me when I'm fucking hammered because I'll do it so this guy's like don't let the dogs.
Speaker 2:Oh, you know, and like, every time he's talking he's talking about how he plays lacrosse and he's just a fucking douchebag, the kind of guy that walks out with a stick on his shoulder, dude, at a party, and it's 1 am, it's like you know, fling the ball in the yard. What the fuck are you doing, right? So after an hour of listening to this dude babble and for some reason the chicks liked him, liked him, I don't know, I thought he was a dweeb he goes out to the front because one of his buddies came and, um, I look at chad and I look at maloy and I'm like I'm gonna go let the dogs out. And they're like dude, no, you're never, you're not gonna do that. Like you, you wouldn't do it. I was like, yeah, you're right, I wouldn't. So I walked to the bedroom and it's jimmied a little bit like it's.
Speaker 2:It's a locked door yeah so I whip out my credit card because I've already committed. Okay, I jimmy the door of the credit card. Yep, I let the dogs out. Maloy's fucking dying. Chad's nowhere to be found.
Speaker 1:This guy comes in, just fucking furious man like and people are like starting to point at me, but like you know, me, dude, I'm goofier than fuck like I think I'd maybe be a hard guy to be mad at because of that right like yeah
Speaker 2:so like they're like talking like, and I'm like, yeah, I sure did, man, you know like it was me, you know, almost like, almost like mocking it. Yeah, chad comes running down the stairs and he goes we gotta fucking go, we gotta fucking go, we gotta fucking go. And I was like what's up? So I grabbed maloy and we get the fuck out of there. We're like sprinting out of this house and we lived, uh like three blocks down. So I didn't live with chad maloy, but I stayed over there all the time because I get fucked up and, um, we get outside and chad goes. I was in the middle of teaching those fuckers a lesson and somebody came in the bathroom and I said what are you doing?
Speaker 2:And my mind instantly went to pissing somewhere or maybe I don't know if you could jerk off quick or something I don't know. And I said what were you doing in there that made them freak out off quick or something like cool, like I don't know. Like you know, I I just didn't and I I said what were you doing in there that made them, you know, freak out? And he's like, oh, they came in there fucking screaming and I said what were you doing? He goes. Well, every time I meet a douchebag, like this fucking guy that came out with the stick, and every time that, like you or maloy, noticed they're a douchebag, I always take care of it. It and I said what does that mean, bud?
Speaker 2:He goes. I give them an upper decker, you give them what An upper decker. And I didn't know what that meant at the time. Yeah, he goes. I pick up the lid of the toilet, I drop a shit bomb in there, dude, like the stinkiest fucking college kid shit you can think of oh my god for some reason, I've always been able to pretty much shit on demand, especially when I'm drinking this beer like I.
Speaker 2:That's why I drank it right and like everything about him just made sense, like if I told you where this guy worked right now, you'd be, astonished fortune 500 like it all.
Speaker 1:It all makes sense now Fortune 500.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so someone came in while he was sitting on the top of the toilet with his feet on the fucking lid of the toilet Shitting. That was shit, yeah, and that's why he came running down. And then he told us in the car he's like would you boys be upset if I told you I didn't get a chance to wipe, like you know? Honestly, I think what you did back there was bold and brave and we're going to let it go.
Speaker 2:But yeah, it turns out that that dude did that to like 30 different people, like just any time we met a douchebag and we were out partying the next step for him was he was like I'd always like slam this beer and smoke a dube and I could always shit on demand so like god yeah dude, and if you've ever smelled an after, so like I've actually gone in after he's done that.
Speaker 2:Oh, not knowing that he did that but like the whole ride home I'm talking to maloy, I'm like dude, that bathroom smelled like bathroom, smelled like a fucking strip club. It just felt like shame in there. I don't know how it smelled that bad.
Speaker 1:I really don't understand. What is the aroma of shame? He's up there and just kind of like he's at the back and I'm asking him why it's funny.
Speaker 2:He's like shit's funny. You could always mask it, but it's funny because he knew that what I'm talking about is the conversations that were happening in all these houses when we would fucking leave and I didn't know, oh shit. That's awesome Like dude guilty by association. Yeah, what if you don't know.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Like what if you don't know right. Like what if that was a felony to poopy in the top dude? It's like I didn't know.
Speaker 1:He's a serial shitter a serial shitter, a serial upper decker. So I have a story to kind of piggyback off of that yeah same college same group that and we had.
Speaker 1:We had a couple of guys that we'd hang out with that would come over to our place. We'd play cards, drink some beers, that kind of thing. And one night a guy from a couple a couple of blocks down came over and he was pissed about something. I don't know what he was pissed about. I don't remember One of the guys that was staying that lived with us. He was pissed at him, I guess.
Speaker 2:I guess I didn't really ask. This seems fair.
Speaker 1:Yeah, whatever, I didn't want to know I didn't want to get involved, but anyway this guy goes to the bathroom. So the guy that's pissed at him takes his.
Speaker 2:This is in his beard.
Speaker 1:No, the guy went to the bathroom, so the other guy grabbed his beard.
Speaker 2:Oh, so you saw his dick and shit? No, he took it outside In the corner.
Speaker 1:In the corner I don't know where, but anyway he pissed in his beard. The fucking guy comes back out of the bathroom, takes a big fucking swig dude, Big fucking swig of pissed beer.
Speaker 2:Of pale ale.
Speaker 1:But nobody knew At that time, nobody knew that he had pissed in it. Okay, so he takes this big swig of beer, or what he thinks is beer, and it's all piss, and he just he sprays it, spits it all over, you know did you get hit I didn't get hit, but he was pissed. I mean you can imagine right?
Speaker 2:yeah, literally pissed like the mean, if you can imagine Literally pissed like the most literal pissed he could ever be. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So he's like who the fuck pissed in my beer? Who the fuck he was so pissed? And this fucking guy that's over there he's laughing. So he knows that he's the fucking guy that did it and for whatever reason, he was pissed at him anyway. So this guy why he decided to do this, I don't know. He was probably drunk at that time. The guy that pissed in the beer his car was parked outside our apartment or our dorm.
Speaker 1:Out in the parking lot. Dude goes out, drops his fucking pants and lays fucking swirly on his hood. Fucking shit's all over it.
Speaker 2:That's awesome, dude. I like the second guy so much better. He didn't fight, he just got even as shit. Oh, you're going to fucking piss in my beer, son of a bitch. Look at that, coily, you dumb fuck he coiled one up right on his hood man. Oh, was it hot or cold.
Speaker 1:It was hot. He shit on his hood. No, the temperature oh, it was pretty warm yeah.
Speaker 2:And then every time you drive and you look at that spot again, you just know.
Speaker 1:And he did it right on the driver's side too, like right where he would like he could see the spot every time.
Speaker 2:It'd be so much cooler if he did it where he sat. So it was on the hood.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he got right up on the hood.
Speaker 2:Fucking drop trowel. Were people out there like watching this?
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, well, by that time, yeah, we knew something happened.
Speaker 2:Dude, what a bunch of passive, aggressive pussies. I'm just saying, if you're going to go out there and drop trout on my car, you're defenseless at that point. You're crouching with your pants down at an elevated place.
Speaker 1:Laying a swirly.
Speaker 2:Dude, a touch of the knee, a touch of the ankle. You're fucking down.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:With shit on yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You don't tackle a dude that's shitting, though that's a rule because then you're gonna get shit on you because I was in like this dumb, like men's group thing where this guy was like talking and he's like I was in the driver's seat of this car and a car like pulled in front of us and wedged us in and then like this guy was trying to rob us and came around the window and like started choking me and I was like you didn't do anything. It's like, well, no, I couldn't have. And it's like roll the fucking window up, open the fucking door and hit that motherfucker, back the car up and hit him.
Speaker 2:You just got a free pass to fucking do whatever you want yeah you just sat there and took it that's fucked up like why I don't know. This just blew my mind, like, can you imagine sitting there while someone's shitting on your vehicle and not doing anything about it? Like, but I understand that that tackle is going to have consequences. Right, yeah, but it's also the principle of like it's my house, fuck. Like it's my house, fuck you. Second, it's my fucking car fuck you.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But the other side of it is you've pissed in a man's beer, right, so that dude deserves whatever the fuck he has coming.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:The duke. He stands.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and there might have been. You know, I was watching it from across the table, right, so I'm sitting at the table, I'm looking out the window as all this shit is going on, and there might have been some other guys that let him shit on the hood, like he was holding the other guy back. I don't know, but yeah, he rolled one up right on his hood, man, oh my god, yeah and once again, when you shit like that, he didn't wipe, so like he's really the loser because he drank beer with piss in it and then drove home with shit in his pants.
Speaker 1:Oh no, he was there. That's where he was, our roommate.
Speaker 2:It would have been funny when he came out and said who did that? If you could do that voice of that idiot that you lived with and you just go, yeah, just right after. Yeah, yeah, I pissed your beer. You damn fuck dude. Oh shit, oh, my god, I got one more for you, all right. So you gotta pick bush nap, tiny but hilarious, or knock, knock, knock, knock okay, good. You got to pick Bushnap Tiny but Hilarious, or Knock Knock, knock, knock Okay, good one. So my second year of college, I lived on campus, but in a house, not in the dorm.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So are you familiar with Western's campus? Yeah, you know where Lafayette is.
Speaker 1:I don't know roads. Okay, do you know?
Speaker 2:where the 7-Eleven was, right on the corner of Howard and West Michigan.
Speaker 1:I think so, yeah, right there, yep.
Speaker 2:I lived like a street down.
Speaker 1:Okay, in a huge like 11.
Speaker 2:So it was a duplex six on one side, five on the other. Okay 11 people technically in a house, yeah, um. So I lived with six guys and we're all fucking stoners, so smoking weed at one o'clock was not a thing like all time you know, like all the time, yep, so one day, like we're getting fucking wrecked, like we were doing like a stony circle, so like everyone would bring like one like their favorite item, if you will and then you just pass it, so like bowls, joints, blunts like you name it yeah.
Speaker 2:It's like two o'clock, man, we're fucking fried. It's like a I don't know.
Speaker 2:We'll call it Tuesday, I don't know what day it was, but during the week, so you know Monday through Friday, like probably I'll narrow it down Tuesday through down tuesday through thursday, all right, okay. Um, and we're fucking baked and like it's getting to. It's getting to the point where it's just like cloudy in that fucking room and all of a sudden we hear like at our door and like we're thinking to ourselves like everybody that knows us just comes in. Right, our neighbors don't knock, they're just cool with us, they'll just come in. Our landlord doesn't knock. Who the fuck is knocking at our door? I open up the door. Dude, we've been smoking for an hour and a half straight in the house Inside the house, dude, like just seven people.
Speaker 2:Open it up, dude, a cloud of fucking smoke goes out. It's the president of Western, john Dunn, and I'm the one who answered the door.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I have a shit-eating grin on my fucking face. Of course I'm baked out of my fucking mind and he's being a good guy and he's going door to door to the houses and introducing himself.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:And letting us know if you ever need anything, stop in my office. I got your back and it's like dude, worst fucking time ever he's like did you guys go to Western. I'm like, uh-huh, what are you guys studying Stuff? I'm not giving you any information because you know what I've done. Dude weed was illegal at that time.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. He had to know what was going guy, though we fucking blew it Like I wouldn't do it. There's no way every house that he went to was like that. There's no way, because campus got crazy at night, though, Like it wasn't, I don't know, I don't know. I was raised to respect authority, so for me it was a big deal.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because it's like what the fuck? I'm going to change my ways Like I'm done smoking. I made it like three hours. By the time I was done with my rant, I lit a dupe you know, but that's the only time I ever talked to the president of Western while I went there and gave him what? 80 grand $100,000, dude was literally while I was high off my mind and I was just the one that always answered the door.
Speaker 1:That's awesome.
Speaker 2:He was probably like thank you, Thank you so much. Do you guys mind passing that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, speaking of academic, that would have been awesome, dude. Yeah.
Speaker 2:But you couldn't, though. If you were in that position, that would have been awesome, Dude. Yeah, but you couldn't though, if you were in that position that would never happen.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, there's no way. No, it's like me right now.
Speaker 2:Right, I like pop, but I don't smoke during the day. That's a rule of mine. Yeah, while I'm working. No, no, no, not even a vape, I just don't. I don't cloud mine, I'm in the zone. That would be unwise, even if people offered it to me and like it still. Right, my last place I worked, everybody smoked on the brakes dude all the time. Like did our parking lot smell like a snoop dogg concert? It's like sativa indica oh that's a nice hybrid, pretty pungent you know like I could walk through there and it could be like six people are smoking.
Speaker 2:I'd say three to the west and two to the east, you know, and maybe one night here in the northwest.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're like checking the wind, Like oh, there's a guy Like just throwing up the grass.
Speaker 2:Yep, I'm going with that.
Speaker 1:That's an indica strain.
Speaker 2:Oh my God. Yeah, if you ever want to remember how that works I don't know if I've told you this, but it's literally so like when people are like what's indica?
Speaker 1:steve right, steve is head high and indica is gonna be body but, like the way I always remember is into couch yeah, indica into couch like you're not fucking moving.
Speaker 2:So before the show, every single episode, I always smoke a sativa because I'm not trying to chill you know, trying to grill, right, trying to get shit going, get Trying to grill.
Speaker 1:Right, right, trying to get shit going. Get shit going.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I want to be like the Kendrick Lamar of podcasting.
Speaker 1:Wow, dude, you're off the fucking show.
Speaker 2:All I got to do is move the mic closer.
Speaker 1:You're done son.
Speaker 2:Get out. Didn't you see the symbolism when he moved his mic?
Speaker 1:I got a symbolism for you. Suck my wiener. Oh man, I think it's time for the top five.
Speaker 2:I think so too, Bushnap and Tiny but Hilarious, will make their way into our next roulette episode we've got the roulette episode coming up, next episode 10.
Speaker 1:So we're going to do we're each going to have three different stories that could be in a bowl. We're going to pull them out, and our top five is also going to be roulette top five. So we're going to have a subject and then we're going to have to come up with something on the spot for the top five of that subject.
Speaker 2:And I want to let everybody know too that Brad just said a very intriguing keyword. He said pull out. And I want to let you all know that Brad pulls out but, I, never do. I just want all our listeners to know that I want to make that clear Crystal clear Apparently, I have a problem pulling out.
Speaker 1:I got two kids, so yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, girls can never get pregnant in the butt or on their face Ever.
Speaker 1:Too far.
Speaker 2:It's good to know, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, we're here. This episode might be construed as a learning teaching moment.
Speaker 2:Will it.
Speaker 1:You know, hey, we're learning stuff.
Speaker 2:We are.
Speaker 1:Can't get a girl pregnant in the butt or on the face.
Speaker 2:Kangaroos have three vaginas.
Speaker 1:Really, yeah, did not know that Pretty cool, did not know that, pretty cool, did not know that.
Speaker 2:I wonder if they all sync up too, like girls do here.
Speaker 1:Oh Jesus, if they all bleed at the same time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like it's Bluetooth right, like every time you're in a room if you go on the cat it's like device connection, you know, like when you're walking through, like that hotel it's like would you like to connect to Wi-Fi. I feel like girls have that internally, but they always hit yes. So, like anytime that you're with girls for like I don't know, six, seven days, like those girls have synced up and it's like they have Bluetooth.
Speaker 1:Dude, that's. You know what? That is weird, let's bleed on Thursdays. That girls do that, that they will actually sync up and be at the same. That's weird to me.
Speaker 2:A vagina is a powerful thing, and I think that with that power comes consequences. You know how weird would that be, though, dude, like if every time we went to the Bart Bauer bash it's like hey, brad, how's your day going? I'm like, yeah, pretty good, pretty good.
Speaker 1:But I just pissed blood, you know and it's like dude bro, me too.
Speaker 2:I wonder if we synced up.
Speaker 1:That would be fucked up. I'm glad that guys don't do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, there's all. Yeah, I can't go down this road.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, let's stop talking about bleeding vaginas.
Speaker 2:I like mustard on my hot dog, no ketchup.
Speaker 1:What the fuck is mustard? Okay, you don't want to know, dude, you don't want to know. Okay, I don't. I don't want to know. All right, so top five.
Speaker 2:Marry one fuck one. No, okay, so we'll do it the vulgar way, like the marry one fuck one kill one, okay.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to change up a couple of things. I am going to have some of those, but then I have a couple of just you choose, okay.
Speaker 2:Okay, are you going first?
Speaker 1:I'll go first, yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, so the way this works is more interactive, where I have to answer his question. Yep, so okay, go Okay.
Speaker 1:This is bad dude Number five. Number five, number five, marry one, fuck one, kill one. Okay, whoopi Goldberg, joy Behar or Rosie O'Donnell, oh God.
Speaker 2:Who is?
Speaker 1:Rosie Behar, joy Behar, they're all on the View. Joy Behar, they're all on the view. Joy Behar is the redhead on the view. You know who Whoopi is. You know who Rosie O'Donnell is right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's why I'm going to kill Joy Behar.
Speaker 1:She's just nobody to me right All right, all right, all right.
Speaker 2:I think I'm going to angrily fuck Rosie O'Donnell to the point that she's almost in tears. All right, before I finish, I'm going to say there's no crying in baseball. What the fuck? What the fuck is baseball?
Speaker 1:That's from her movie dude. She was in a movie and that's like a very famous line that she said, so I'd say it right back to her as I'm like, you know, like okay, so you're going to marry Whoopi.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like we go to Knicks games and have fun. Remember my story of going? Have I told the story of going to Les Miserables?
Speaker 1:Oh, you told me that, but you haven't told it on the show.
Speaker 2:Oh fuck.
Speaker 1:That has to be next. Yeah, okay, so we got that one out of the way, so this one is better. Okay, emma Stone, scarlett Johansson oh, hello, armila Kunis.
Speaker 2:Oh my.
Speaker 1:God, oh, man Shut up hello.
Speaker 2:Or Mila Kunis, oh my God. Oh man, shut up Meg. Did you know that Mila Kunis is Meg in Family Guy? So every time they're like, shut up Meg and fuck you, meg, it's like the only hot one on the cast, right, oh, that's a great one. Well, fuck. Actually, me and my wife have a free pass. So, like, each of us have one free pass, okay, and mine has always been, uh, anna kendrick, like the lady from pitch perfect oh, yeah, yeah, yeah that she's not on the list, dude, just not one of the three and then it switches to scarlett johansson so that's where I was going with that Gotcha, gotcha.
Speaker 2:So I'm totally going to bang out Scarlett Johansson and just make it last a while. All right, I'm going to kill Emma Stone, even though it's hard to do, and I'm going to marry Mila Kunis. Okay, because I feel like of those three, mila Kunis would be the coolest and I feel like the other lady would be a good like one for the old tool belt dude.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know what Honestly I think that's probably Was she Wonder Woman who?
Speaker 2:Scarlett Johansson.
Speaker 1:No, that was Gal Gadot, or I think it's Gal Gadot, I it. I remember her first name is something got it gal got it.
Speaker 2:That's a dope name I don't, I can't.
Speaker 1:It may not be her right.
Speaker 2:I'd have to look it up here, let me look it up, but yeah, I'd have to rebound from the rosie o'donnell thing yeah and then I'd come back let's see why can't I find we're on the?
Speaker 2:internet on the intro oh, dude, I came up. So I know you're not a huge rap guy, but do you remember the song that used to be like they see me rolling? Yeah, they hate it yep patrolling and trying to catch me riding dirty. Yep, I came up with one for peyton dude and it's fucking funky, fresh. And now that we got a little bit of ad time right, they see me rolling. I'm peyton paw patrolling and trying to catch my diaper dirty. Trying to catch my diaper dirty.
Speaker 1:Trying to catch my diaper dirty so it was gail, got it, dude gail does got it all right.
Speaker 2:What's number three? Number three I'm getting in it.
Speaker 1:Okay, so these are TV shows.
Speaker 2:That I would fuck, marry kill.
Speaker 1:Well, no, it's characters on. Tv show Okay, so on. Married with Children Peggy Bundy.
Speaker 2:I don't know who that is.
Speaker 1:Okay, I got it. I got it, shit.
Speaker 2:I got it Okay so.
Speaker 1:Peggy Bundy Kitty Foreman from that 70s show. She's awesome, though. Or do you know the show, the Nanny Fran Drescher? Do you know that one? Oh Peggy.
Speaker 2:Bundy's all right. No, it kind of looks like Tiger King His mom.
Speaker 1:So Peggy Bundy, kitty Foreman or Fran Actually her name on the show was Fran Fine, but she was the nanny Fran Drescher. If you don't know them, then I'll go to somebody else.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I only know, kitty.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And I'd probably kill her because of that. Laugh, okay, and.
Speaker 1:I'd probably kill her because of that. Laugh, okay, I asked you. Okay, I'll go on to my next one.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry about that. That's all right.
Speaker 1:You don't know shit.
Speaker 2:Dude, I do know shit, but I didn't watch a show called the Nanny.
Speaker 1:That's fine, it's too old for you. Okay, that sounds like it's's too old for you.
Speaker 2:Okay, that sounds like it's a Jeep thing. You wouldn't get it.
Speaker 1:It's a Jeep thing. You wouldn't understand.
Speaker 2:It was before your time, the Nanny.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I watched a porno once called the Fanny, but I don't know.
Speaker 1:Never mind Moving on Cameron Diaz, ooh, drew Barrymore or Lucy Liu they were Charlie's Angels.
Speaker 2:I okay, fuck, I'm gonna kill Cameron Diaz, because if I killed Lucy Liu, it it looks like a hate crime and I think that 2025 doesn't deserve a hate crime.
Speaker 1:Okay, sorry, cameron.
Speaker 2:And I'm marrying Drew Barrymore because she seems lovely.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yep, she does seem lovely.
Speaker 2:I'd bury the boner in that for a minute, you know.
Speaker 1:For Lucy Liu, so you're going to fuck Lucy Liu. Marry Drew Barrymore, kill Cameron.
Speaker 2:Diaz, I don't know. Like you know, I don't mean to be a dick or nothing, but like I'm totally going to eat some orange chicken before I go over there, I just feel like it has to happen. Like you know, orange chicken, egg roll, like rice, like eating chopsticks, and then I'm going to go banger, you know, and then I'm going to go banger, you know, and then I'm just going to not eat Chinese food for a while.
Speaker 1:What the fuck, dude, something like that. All right, so that was three. Oh man, that took a dark turn.
Speaker 2:You wouldn't have a couple fortune cookies after you bang out a hot Asian.
Speaker 1:Come on, come on. Wow, that's dark.
Speaker 2:It's not, though, okay.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay, I'm back. So these are. I'm going to give you two options and you have to choose one to get rid of for the rest of your life. Okay, so it's a little bit different. So, if you had to choose one to get rid of Taco Bell, oh fuck you. Or pizza.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, You're a fucking asshole. You would, you would, oh my God.
Speaker 1:That is awful. It is that's bad, oh my.
Speaker 2:God, Because I would have loved a third option. Like you know, know, Sonic marry one, fuck one, kill one. It's like I'm going to fuck Taco Bell because it's a taco, you know, I'm used to that. I'm going to marry pizza, you know, because it comes in different varieties. Fucking A Dude. I would have to like I would hold a funeral for Taco Bell if I wasn't allowed Right yeah. I close my eyes, Fuck. But pizza is definitely on my food pyramid.
Speaker 1:I knew this was going to be a bad one for you. Oh my God, this is brutal. Wait until you get to the next one. The next one's even worse, oh my God.
Speaker 2:I was expecting like I don't know. I don't think I can publicly say it on air, so I'm going to kill pizza.
Speaker 1:I love you tacos, I just I can't, can't, can't, not, can't not have taco bell. Okay, talk taco bell, it is okay. Number number one or number five, whichever whichever Mambo number five Do you remember that song?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, okay, A horrible song, yes, so you had to choose.
Speaker 1:Oh fuck, choose one. Okay, okay, okay, weed, oh God, or sex, what the?
Speaker 2:fuck, fuck, dude. Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding? Me, oh you placed four bullets in the gun and they came out taco bell, pizza, weed insects, the very existence of my being, oh fuck oh my god. I feel like he's such a, he's such a downer dude Like when they show like those depression ads and they show like that guy that's like wandering in the supermarket just staring down, Like what happened to Eric.
Speaker 1:He's gotta choose. Yeah, gotta choose.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they gotta make a choice, dude. Oh, my god, we should turn these into challenges for like 30 days. No, fuck you, dude. Yeah, then don't put all these things out there, okay? Because I think real okay I think real, I play for keeps uh, maybe say goodbye to pizza. That was hard. Yeah, now I gotta think about boners or fucking pot, because the thing you gotta think about is that, like I'm killing weed, how can I be the white Snoop Dogg? All right, but sex is awesome.
Speaker 1:Sex is awesome.
Speaker 2:You know, like weed's cool, but like sex is like really cool.
Speaker 1:It's next level yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:I'm surprised that it took you that long. It's pot.
Speaker 2:And the way that I was thinking about it. It's like, you know, when you're older it's pot.
Speaker 1:You're like when you're older, you're like when you're when you said that when you said that you look like, you look like a five-year-old, it was like but like the way, like, like, okay.
Speaker 2:So my, my little brain is thinking to myself is good for everything. I need to sleep, let's smoke. I need to fucking eat let's smoke. I need to laugh let's smoke. I've had a bad day, let's smoke. I've had to sleep let's smoke. I need to fucking eat let's smoke. I need to laugh let's smoke. I've had a bad day, let's smoke. I've had a good day, let's smoke, right, right. But you could replace all that with sex. That's just not logical because more than likely it's going to turn into I have a headache. Well, I didn't get much sleep.
Speaker 1:The other day. You can always look in the mirror.
Speaker 2:So what if you gave up weed and then the sex started to like fizzle out a little bit right when it was like not as much, and now you don't have that thing to rely on and it's like, dude, I'm reading books called Don't Jump. Oh shit, mine are a little bit darker, that's for fucking sure. Okay, all right, and also a little bit darker, that's for fucking sure, okay, all right. And also a little bit like, oh, fucking gross right.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I went there Ready for a kind of gross one. Yep, hillary Clinton.
Speaker 1:Oh Jesus.
Speaker 2:Nancy.
Speaker 1:Pelosi. Oh fuck, dude, I was going to go there, I was not Kamala Harris. Oh fuck Jesus, I know, I know.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Hillary Clinton's got to go. You think I'm off on her.
Speaker 2:Yep, I don't care what the fucking she's got to go, okay, so Dude bad options, like if you were at like a mail order bride site right with these two last options, like this would be the deep clearance yeah summer like summer overstock event yeah, I think fuck.
Speaker 1:I know, I think I would have to. I think I would have to do the same thing like angry fuck nancy pelosi, because there's no fucking way that I could spend the money with her.
Speaker 2:How's this for a policy, you dumb? Fuck so.
Speaker 1:I guess I'd have to marry Kamala, okay, oh, but she's. You know what she's ditzy.
Speaker 2:Our podcast wouldn't exist. There's too much privilege in this room.
Speaker 1:You know what the?
Speaker 2:fuck dude. Oh yeah, so that's that's. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna have to do. Okay, I understand that you ready for a real, real good one yeah the michelin man, michelin man jesus. The lemu emu from the commercials oh yeah, michelin man Jesus.
Speaker 1:The.
Speaker 2:Limu Emu from the commercials. Oh yeah. And a furry that never takes the costume off? Do you know what a furry is?
Speaker 1:Yeah, Weird right. What do they dress like?
Speaker 2:Good question, you can do this, I will elaborate too. Okay, any question you have, I will right. Golden retriever michelin man is a normal mission michelin man garb, he will talk. Wow, if you were to choose fuck, he can't talk um. And then the emu. I mean, that's just bestiality you're choosing that you're choosing that, so yeah, but free that never takes the costume off. You marry that. Okay, dude, I would start taking that thing to church yeah, so I'm gonna go with.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna marry the furry because I like dogs and they never take the costume off, then I don't need to know, that's how I met my wife. And then I guess I'm going to have to kill the ostrich and fuck the Milt Street Michelin man.
Speaker 2:I don't know, dude, he's begging for it.
Speaker 1:I feel like I'm curious of what he has for plumbing, because is he just going to? Have a big hole like a tire, I mean.
Speaker 2:I'd assume that if you were to make like a life-size marshmallow and then punch it, I feel like that's what you'd be fucking.
Speaker 1:It's all going to be fucking a marshmallow. I'm all right with that.
Speaker 2:It might have some sponginess to it, but we'll never know.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:I think the emu is just going to sit there and be like, or whatever.
Speaker 1:I feel like I'd probably get a donkey kick if I try to yeah.
Speaker 2:The correct answer was to bang the Michelin man on the emu but we're past it, all right. So that's two. Yep, so that was five, and four, so number three. This is so bad buddy. This one is so bad. Anne Frank.
Speaker 1:Anne Frank.
Speaker 2:The one who wrote the diary, because she was hiding from the Jews?
Speaker 1:Was she?
Speaker 2:I'm not even sure what she looks like she hid in an attic. Yeah, I don't know what she looks like she hid in an attic.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know what she looks like, yeah none of us do.
Speaker 2:Okay, helen Keller or Rosa Parks? Wow, helen will never say no. Rosa Parks is really good at sitting down. Anne Frank's a real writer. She's gonna be vivid. So, and if you killed Helen, she'd never see it coming. Oh shit, maybe we don't do this on air. And if he killed Helen, she'd never see it coming. Oh shit, maybe we don't do this on air, because this one's pretty rough. Should I switch it? What do you mean? Why? Let's roll, I'm going to roll with it. Helen Keller blind, deaf, dumb. Anne Frank, girl who grew up in an attic writing about how she's hiding from the Jews Horrible life. Rosa Parks, famous for sitting on a bus.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm going to. I'm going to fuck Rosa Parks because I feel like she would be really good at sitting on it.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, she's used to that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:What part of the bus do you think it's? I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to. I'm going to kill Anne Frank and marry.
Speaker 2:Whoa whoa. No, I do, Helen, whoa whoa.
Speaker 1:Helen.
Speaker 2:You're marrying Helen. Yep, yeah, she can't ever say no, I get that.
Speaker 1:That's good logic. Yeah, she'll always be smarter than her dude, did she, did you know like she figured out how to communicate? Not being able to see or or hear?
Speaker 2:like she could communicate I mean all of us could. It's like. This means I means.
Speaker 1:I'm mad. Yeah, but how are you going to know that you can't see? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I think she was pretty intelligent, but I mean, for all we know, the person that wrote that book is full of fucking shit. That's very possible, but I think it was the nurse that wrote the book, what it called again whoa, whoa, I don't know. Do you remember that the miracle worker where, like, they get helen to talk and all she says is, and then it ends no, I never saw that. Yeah, don't watch it okay if you want to have a bad day, watch the miracle worker.
Speaker 2:Okay, number two number two martha stewart, but she's never allowed to shower never allowed to shower she just never showers it's a stinky martha stinky martha oprah. But every single time you're about to climax, she shouts at the top of her lungs you get a cum shot, you get a cum shot, you get a cum shot.
Speaker 1:Or.
Speaker 2:Kim Kardashian, but any time that you were to get intimate involving kissing, blowjob, whatever Kanye West is allowed to watch from the corner and just says stuff like oh, hell, yeah, the whole time that you're there.
Speaker 1:Oh shit. So I don't like Oprah, so Oprah's out for me. She's gone.
Speaker 2:Okay, martha Stewart, kim Kardashian, you are also marrying Kanye West.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't care if he watches, though that would be so weird. It would be weird, but I mean I don't know Dude, I couldn't handle Dude.
Speaker 2:That would be weirder than you think. I'm sure it would Like what if you're going to eat that puss dude and all of a sudden he's like Aw, yeah, dude, get in there, man.
Speaker 1:Oh hell, yeah, I saw that you brushed and right, but how can you do that to martha, where she's never gonna shower? It's her fault but that I couldn't like it's.
Speaker 2:It's kind of like it's kind of like to give or take right. So martha's a bad, bad. Kim kardashian's hot. She's got that nice donkey booty but comes with baggage like she's got more baggage than the tsa both of them come with baggage oh yeah but can you imagine walking around with martha stewart as your wife, dude, I mean old fuck yeah but she likes weed. I'm sure kim does too.
Speaker 1:She's dated all of the nba yeah, I guess I'm gonna have to. Uh, I don't know, I guess I'm gonna have to get it over with one time with martha and then marry kim oh, I next one comes.
Speaker 2:Number one has a little bit of consequence, you know.
Speaker 1:Okay, jeffrey the giraffe, jeffrey the giraffe, oh, from Toys R.
Speaker 2:Us.
Speaker 1:Mickey.
Speaker 2:Mouse, oh Jesus. Or Tony the tiger, tony the tiger, I'm going to kill one.
Speaker 1:Or Tony the.
Speaker 2:Tiger.
Speaker 1:Marry one, fuck one, kill one.
Speaker 2:Now Jeff can get stuff for you off the top shelf with that giant fucking neck of his right.
Speaker 1:Right, oh, oh, whoa, brad oh, that feels good. Oh, whoa, oh. How'd you do that, brad oh?
Speaker 2:Oh Mousecatool, how'd you do that, brad Mousecatool?
Speaker 1:Is it time for me to use my mousecatool, jesus?
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:They're great. I can't handle Mickey Mouse. Me neither I couldn't handle that fucking voice. Huh, are you about ready to climax? I'm hungry. Huh, okay, mickey's out, he's dead. I think I would have to fuck Tony the Tiger and marry the giraffe.
Speaker 2:Yep, that's just yeah, because jeffrey the giraffe, like I feel like he's more caring than fictional tony the tiger more caring mickey's so upset though dude, he's blasting off right now somewhere in fucking Disney World. He's just like oh fuck him oh, fuck him oh. All right.
Speaker 1:So I've got some other ones for you. Yep, so Mimi from the Drew Carey show, oh God. Roseanne, oh no.
Speaker 2:Or A can of tomato soup.
Speaker 1:Or the last one is Mama Fratelli from the Goonies.
Speaker 2:Oh buddy, oh my God, that's such a class of awful. I would have to kill Roseanne because she drives me bonkers.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And what she did to John Goodman Fuck you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, all right, so Roseanne's out.
Speaker 2:And my other two are the Goonies and.
Speaker 1:Mimi from the Drew.
Speaker 2:Carey show.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, I'm marrying Mimi and killing the Goonie Lady, but then I'm going to divorce Mimi you already killed Roseanne, so you'd have to fuck Mama Portelli bed her dude fuck.
Speaker 2:That's awful legends never die, but today they will.
Speaker 1:Is that where you're going with? No?
Speaker 2:Can I kill Roseanne and the Goonie Lady with one bullet?
Speaker 1:No, we're just like bop, bop you know Bop?
Speaker 2:No, no, fuck, that's so bad. No, no, fuck, that's so bad. I am going to put a plastic bag over Mama Fratelli's face and nail her, okay, and then and mirror Mimi Yep Okay. What about OJ Simpson, hitler or Putin?
Speaker 1:Oh my God, Holy shit. Wow, OJ Simpson Putin and Hitler. Hitler, hitler's got to go.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 1:I feel like, if I married OJ, that I'd just end up dead.
Speaker 2:You'd bang him. The juice is loose.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I guess Fucking OJ and marrying Putin If the glove fits. Oh shit, okay, so I got another one. Yeah, so you watched the Goonies Sloth? Oh my God, rocky Road. No, it was Baby Ruth, baby Ruth, baby Ruth. Sloth, hunchback of Notre Dame, or Frankenstein's Monster, oh my God, I'm going to kill Sloth, hunchback of Notre Dame, or Frankenstein's.
Speaker 2:Monster. Oh my God, I'm going to kill Sloth. I'm going to fuck Frankenstein's Monster, because it was lab created and that pussy would be tight, and then I'm going to marry.
Speaker 1:Marry the Hunchback.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that way I always feel like I have a leg up. What about your wife's best friend, your wife's worst enemy or your wife's grandma on the other side?
Speaker 1:what horrible right can you imagine if you had that choice? So my wife's best friend, your wife's worst enemy, my wife's worst enemy and then your wife's mom my wife's's mom or be grandma my wife's grandma.
Speaker 2:Horrible. I shouldn't have said it, but we're here.
Speaker 1:So my wife's grandma.
Speaker 2:So we're talking like 98 and frail If you hit that wrong. Like if you angrily fuck, like you're going to do to Pelosi, like for sure she's gone, what now? Like if you angrily fuck an old 98 lady she's not coming back from that, right?
Speaker 1:yeah, wife's best friend, wow. So I think I'm probably going to have to kill the worst enemy. I don't even know who that is, who my wife's worst enemy is. It's more of a hypothetical.
Speaker 2:I wasn't actually talking about. That's just weird, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Circle back to me.
Speaker 1:I don't know, that's a tough one, dude. I don't really want to off the gram them, but I think I have to in that scenario. That's what old people do, brad they die, yeah, they die. So she's not too far off anyway, so I'm just doing her a favor, yeah. And then fucking her worst enemy and marrying her best friend.
Speaker 2:Brad Kevorkian over here, I'm just helping out, just helping out. Now why why, why, dude? Do you have any other ones?
Speaker 1:And while you're looking, Do you know who Anna Faris is?
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, I do.
Speaker 1:Okay, anna Faris, jamie Presley, mm-hmm. Or Julie Bowen, I think it's Claire on the Modern Family.
Speaker 2:Those three I am going to marry Anna Faris. Okay, I'm going to bang the chick from Modern and kill Judy Lawless. What was her name?
Speaker 1:Jamie Presley. Jamie Presley, same. Thing.
Speaker 2:Madonna, lady Gaga or Ellen DeGeneres.
Speaker 1:Oh, ellen DeGeneres is gone, she's gone. Dude but seriously If I could kill her twice.
Speaker 2:Seriously, though, tell me that you could stick your wiener in madonna or lady gaga and come back from a dude. I wouldn't come back from a dude okay I'm getting pornhub premium and I'm making sure I got a projector in my house and I'm watching nothing but hot titties.
Speaker 1:So you said madonna and who lady gaga okay, I'm gonna say madonna from back in the 80s.
Speaker 2:Nope, that's not it.
Speaker 1:You didn't fucking specify, motherfucker, current day.
Speaker 2:No, current. No, I make the rules here, I don't give a shit. Current day, madonna dude looks like a bag of fucking wet rice.
Speaker 1:Lady.
Speaker 2:Gaga, who has a brilliant voice and sounds good, but when you look at her it's like, oh, God, I think I got to.
Speaker 1:I there's no fucking way I could marry madonna, so I gotta fuck her and marry lady gaga. But ellen degeneres does not even come into the not into the equation for me, if I could kill her twice I would.
Speaker 2:What about your priest, your doctor or your mechanic?
Speaker 1:What the fuck Dude?
Speaker 2:What about the Hulk? A great white shark and a silverback gorilla? Marry one, fuck one, kill one. You would like me when I'm angry? Jesus, jesus.
Speaker 1:So I have a story about a silverback gorilla Is it real, do you? Want to hear it. Is it real? So I don to hear it. Is it real? So I don't know how real it is, but I heard it on another podcast that I listened to. Okay, so it's about hunting. I listen to a lot of hunting podcasts and this one specifically. There's a guy on there. He's doing an interview with the, the guy that usually runs the show. Um, should I say the name? It's texas predator hunting. Yeah, tph.
Speaker 1:Um, I listen to that one all the time anyway, he's interviewing this guy and he's talking about hunting experiences and stories and shit. So apparently he got a call from one of his listeners and he's telling them a story about a buddy of his. There was actually two guys, two or three guys that went out. They went to a Texas hunting preserve kind of thing and they go out really early in the morning texas hunting preserve kind of thing and they go out it really early in the morning. It's like 4 am, it's dark as shit and there's pine trees and shit like that all around. So it gets like in the pine trees and shit. It's really dark you can't see shit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's so dark when you walk out the moonlight, there's nothing yep, so one of the stands is right there in the pine trees, so they drop bob off at the first stand and they're in like a side by side. Yep, so they drop bob off and they're headed to the next stand. And they get to the next stand and they're gonna drop joe off and all of a sudden you hear this like five shots go off and like what the fuck? What the fuck is bob shooting at you? They can tell it's coming from from bob's stand, who got dropped off first. Right, yeah, bob got dropped off first. He's like what the fuck is, but it's four, four in the morning there's fucking pitch dark, it's, you can't see shit.
Speaker 1:Like what the fuck is she? What the fuck is going on? So, joe and the guy that's running the, the uh preserve or whatever, they get back in the side by side and they're headed back. Well, they don't even get to fucking bob stand and that motherfucker is running down the fucking trail fucking full tilt, running like, like what they get to him and like what the fuck bob? What, what the fuck is going on. He's fucking shaking. He can't. I mean, he is like something happened. They're like what the fuck bob, what the fuck he was shooting at? He's like I just shot bigfoot, I just fucking shot bigfoot, whoa. Then they're like what the fuck?
Speaker 2:are you talking about?
Speaker 1:no, you did so so go back to the stand right and fucking Bob is freaked out Like he doesn't want to go anywhere near that motherfucking stand.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't either.
Speaker 1:So he gets there and they're like what the fuck? He's like. They get up to the stand and sure enough, there's fucking five holes in the side of the blind. And they look over at bob. Like what the fuck happened? Bob, he's like I was fucking, I just fucking shot big fish. I'm sitting there in my stand and I'm on my facebook on my phone and shit, the motherfucker reached in, grabbed my phone and walked off. So I fucking pulled my fucking rifle and boom, boom, boom through the fucking side, five shots and sure enough, there's fucking blood on the side of the fucking stand, on the outside of it.
Speaker 1:So they're like what the fuck? And the guy that's running the place, he's like well, we'll fucking, we'll wait till late and then we'll go. He's like I'm going back to the fucking lodge, that's where I'm staying. So they all get back in the side-by-side and they roll into the lodge and during this time the guy that runs the place called a couple other guys to have him come out and investigate, right? So obviously Bob is still shaking, he's fucking up. And they're like okay, bob, let's go out to the stand and see where it going. He's like motherfucker, you can call the us fucking navy. I ain't going in the fucking woods, I ain't going anywhere near that fucking place. I am staying my ass here I just shot him.
Speaker 1:I don't want to talk to him so they're like okay, so he stays there, bob stays in the in the lodge. All these other boys roll out. They got trucks and they got their side-by-side and shit they roll out to the stand.
Speaker 1:And they follow, they start following the fucking blood trail and, sure enough, like 100. No, I think it was 500 yards. Somewhere in that vicinity You'd have to listen to the podcast. 500 yards. There is a fucking Bigfoot holding this fucking guy's food, this fucking guy's phone. It's a silverback gorilla. Oh my God, that had reached in. Apparently he had escaped from like a local zoo or something like that.
Speaker 1:But yeah this fucking guy is on his phone and this fucking silverback gorilla reaches in and grabs his fucking phone and walks away. You fucking imagine four o'clock in the fucking morning, pitch black, and this motherfucking hairy ass arm reaches in and grabs your phone Out of shit my pants. Yeah, fuck, yeah, whether or not I have no fucking idea. If it's true, I mean this is like third fucking story. Yeah, third, yeah, whether or not I have no fucking idea. If it's true, I mean this is like third fucking story.
Speaker 2:Yeah, third, yeah.
Speaker 1:But can you? I mean that fucking story alone In the world we live in.
Speaker 2:I don't see it being that great Like in the right area. You never know.
Speaker 1:I mean he said it was in Texas, so you know, like a Texas zoo or a lab or wherever this fucking gorilla was at, I don't know. Know, but holy fuck dude, I couldn't I mean I can't even fucking fathom that happening when I would lose it, buddy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'd fucking lose it. I would.
Speaker 1:I'd be pooping I definitely would be blowing holes in the side of my fucking stand.
Speaker 2:I can tell you that yeah, yeah, you look like the michelin man when I was done, dude I would never go out there again either. I'd just be like nope, I'm all about peace, I'm on the other side now. Um we should really protect the deer population just switch like I'm converted I'm converted to pita I'd be about as annoying as a scientologist at that deer camp yeah, but yeah, that was the yeah, that you.
Speaker 1:We said that fucking silverback gorilla.
Speaker 2:That reminded me of that story so I guess I'll change my answer on the whole, uh, rosanne thing, because I think she could probably take that gorilla on. So I'm gonna marry rosanne, you're gonna stuck with her for life well, dude, think about it. You're a grizzly bear like, and you look out and you see me and I get on big like, but you see her and you're like that every time, every time. Man, oh shit, I don't have to run faster than that, I gotta run faster than you.
Speaker 1:You know one of those situations yeah, did I tell you about the bear story in alaska? No, I got chased by a bear really. Yeah, my dad and I were up there fishing and we're down by the river and this guy next to me is he's caught a fish, right, and my dad and I are fishing and this fucking we're like we're where two rivers converge the key and I and the russian river where they come together, and this bear and there's a mama and her cub they've been walking up the fucking river so everybody like gets up, goes up to the bank, is like giving them all the fucking space that they want.
Speaker 1:Fucking guy next to me carries the fucking fish with him, like you fucking dumb, dumb. That's why she is fucking there. So we get up to the top. We all split and go separate ways. Guy behind me is following me and I'm thinking to myself the only fucking person that I need to be faster than is you, motherfucker, because you're carrying fucking food yeah and she gets up to the top.
Speaker 1:she follows him up. We all go up the stairs. She follows, follows him up, hops over the fence Like it's not even fucking there, this is like a five-foot fence. And she just puts both paws over the top and just comes over. She jumps over the fence and starts running towards us and I swear to God with all of my kids' lives, she was within 30 feet of us. Fucking guy next to me or behind me runs back down to the river and I think what he did is dumped the fish back into the river because he came up the other fucking side and did not. I don't know if he ever had the fish. I don't know. I was fucking walking him, getting the fuck out of there because the cub what a fucking idiot. We have no idea where the cub is right. So if she gets in between, like if we're in between her cub and her, it's game over, dude I think I know where they.
Speaker 2:I think I know where the cub is. I think it's losing baseball games in chicago somewhere. Yeah, yeah, that was fucked up. Nuts, that was fucked up. We had three. That's nuts.
Speaker 1:Dude that was fucked up. We had three bears that day that walked up and down that river, but yeah, the cub and the mom that was fucked up.
Speaker 2:They don't play games, dude, especially like yeah, she showed up wanting pizza and you walked out and waved a hot and ready.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, like you, fucking dumb, dumb. Yeah, I couldn't believe this fucking guy's carrying the fucking fish with him. Like you, fucking, you're an idiot.
Speaker 2:Dude, who do you think eats more fish in a year? A bear, a Chinaman or a porn star? Porn star no question he lays down rugs dude, yeah oh shit so, like guys have fluffers, what do girls have like wetters?
Speaker 1:I don't think girls get fluffers. That sucks I I don't know. I mean, do they need fluffers? Like the whole idea of a fluffer is to get the guy hard.
Speaker 2:What if they have an emotional fluffer and like they come in and it's like they have a lady that comes.
Speaker 1:They have a psychologist that comes in and talks You're beautiful you're strong.
Speaker 2:The notebook Channing Tatum Diaries Okay, I'm good, bring him in. I'll fuck him now.
Speaker 1:Jesus, oh man, oh shit, I had one more for you, okay. Dave Chappelle, chris Rock, kevin Hart. Oh man, this sounds like I'm going to get in trouble for this one. Actually, I listened to Dave Chappelle a little bit on the way he was doing an interview with Joe Rogan. Oh yeah, he's great, joe rogan yeah, listen to this podcast today, my way dude, I love dave chapelle.
Speaker 2:Uh, like his old, like chapelle show yeah, fuck, yeah, he's funny as shit I actually met chapelle when chapelle was going big. Oh no shit, in dc when I was 18, when chaappelle was big. So that was 2007, when Chappelle was going.
Speaker 1:With Chappelle's show Yep.
Speaker 2:Give me the three again.
Speaker 1:Dave Chappelle Chris Rock Kevin Hart.
Speaker 2:I'm going to kill Chris Rock I love him, though. I'm going to bang Kevin Hart because he's small and then uh, mary dave chappelle I'm gonna marry dave chappelle, all right, yeah, he made half-baked man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, dude, he's funny as shit yeah you know what, and listen to that, that podcast and that interview that joe rogan did with him seems like he's fucking just cool as shit down to earth.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, just yeah the type of dude that would smoke a do with you and just kind of talk and like hang out like that would be so cool, like to have those moments, like you know, because at the end of the day, we're all people. We're all just like you know you know, but I I feel like there's select few that would be cool, like that. I feel like he'd be one of them.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:I've always wanted to get like baked out of my fucking mind with like Seth Rogan or like Will Ferrell. Oh, yeah, just so stoned, Just like dangerously, like you're driving home stoned you know, like, like when. I'm in that mindset, but didn't you give this up for Lent? Yeah, mindset. But didn't you give this up for lent? Yeah, fuck you. Brad you stupid weed or taco bell or pussies or pizzas, dude, fuck man, that took me to a dark place. All I could see is me in a padded room. Just real sad real sad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that, yeah, I knew were going to have problems with those.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Dude your face.
Speaker 2:I'm serious, dude, you look like a fucking five year old.
Speaker 1:That was just Dude, yeah.
Speaker 2:It's awful man Pizza Dude. It's like taking cherry pies Away fromason biggs dude. That's all he knows. You know? That's all he knows. I thought it was apple pie, I don't know, but I seriously I mean that wholeheartedly like like top three weird scenarios I could ever have.
Speaker 2:And I'd love to meet jason biggs in a bakery and I would just walk up to the counter. I'd grab the first apple pie I saw. I'd open up that little lid, that little plastic. I'd beat the fucking shit out of that pie, dude. I'd put the lid on, I'd seal that shit. I'd have them sign on the top. All fucked up.
Speaker 1:That'd be awesome. Uh, yeah, but like you open it up before you do that and be like this looks like one that I would fuck, yeah right, I named it nadia too.
Speaker 2:Oh my god, dude, oh shit, oh fuck. Well, dude, god bless america, god bless america, oh my God dude oh shit, oh fuck.
Speaker 1:Well, dude, God bless America. God bless America Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if you don't like it, you can get out. I'm just kidding, but go bald. Eagles, bud lights and boobies that's all I got to say last. Okay, go ahead.
Speaker 1:I was just going to wrap up. Wrap it up, dude, wrap it up.
Speaker 2:If you would have known that earlier, you know, you would have been one in three, right? Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah, that was a bad situation for me, but hey, you learn from all of those stupid, shitty things that you did as kids.
Speaker 2:so there's a line that you'll learn in blue mountain state. That's hilarious uh there's one of the someone gets pregnant. They're trying to figure out who it is and harman keeps going with them everywhere where they're trying to figure it out and, like, this person identifies himself and every time she goes, harman, you can't get pregnant in the butt. I've told you this several times. And then he'll just go. Okay, go, I'm out, like, and just walk away. It's like he forgets, dude, yeah.
Speaker 1:My God, oh shit. Well, hey, thanks for listening. Hope you enjoyed the show. You can reach us at rowdandloudy at gmailcom that's R-O-W-D-A-N-D-L-O-U-D-Y at gmailcom. Or you can hit us up on comments and we'll look into that number. Get a number.
Speaker 2:It's going to be 6969-6969-69-420.
Speaker 1:I'm pretty sure that that number's taken. Dude, what if?
Speaker 2:we got 420--6-9-6-9?. That would be dope.
Speaker 1:We'll work on that. We'll work on that.
Speaker 2:It's 5-5-5-6-6-6. Yeah, we'll get some. That would be sweet, though I think that would be better because, like, who checks email? I don't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I mean, I'd check it if we got any, but we haven't got any, so yeah, that's all right People. You know what People are listening and that's really the only thing that I care about that people are enjoying the show, laughing their asses off, that's it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're trying to tingle the senses, something that Helen would know nothing about. Jesus. I'm done. I'm done, but thank you guys so much for joining us. It's been an absolute blast.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Episode 10 should be a little bit funky.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, Episode 10 will be good.
Speaker 2:We're doing some bowl roulette.
Speaker 1:Bowl roulette.
Speaker 2:Bald eagles and bitches y'all. It's loud and loudy.
Speaker 1:All right, everybody. Thanks for listening. We'll catch you on the next episode.
