Rowd & Loudy Comedy Podcast
Welcome to Rowd and Loudy, the podcast where two blue-collar best friends from Michigan take you on a wild ride through life’s highs and lows. Whether we’re swapping stories from the jobsite, sharing laughs over backyard beers, or diving deep into the struggles and triumphs of everyday life, we keep it real, raw, and relatable. Expect a mix of humor, heart, and hard truths as we navigate the chaos of work, family, and friendship—all with a Midwest twist. Tune in and join the crew for a weekly dose of unfiltered conversation, a little rowdiness, and a lot of laughs!
Every episode features funny stories, funny moments and a top 5. The top 5 is unique because we do not share our top 5's with each other until we are live on the air.
The catch neither Brad nor Eric knows what the other person is going to say, the shock value is incredible. This is a comedy podcast about all the fun stuff in life.
Every episode features funny stories and a top 5.
Join Eric and Brad on a Rowd and Loudy Journey today!
Rowd & Loudy Comedy Podcast
Episode 11 - Salute to Service: Military Stories, and Moments of Courage
The Roud and Loudy podcast salutes our military service members with Army Signal Corps veteran Jen, whose nine-year career spanning 42 countries began with the most unexpected motivation - walking past a row of recruitment offices and choosing the Army because "they had the hottest recruiters."
From establishing critical communications systems in remote global locations to surviving a near-death experience whitewater rafting at the source of the Nile River in Uganda, Jen's military journey combines harrowing adventure with unexpected humor. She recounts being pulled underwater by a waterfall so powerful she "couldn't see light from the surface," only to discover afterward that crocodiles and aggressive hippos populated those same waters.
Her stories range from frightening (getting terrifyingly lost in Abu Dhabi while trying to attend an AA meeting) to mortifying (being unwittingly hypnotized to simulate extreme pleasure in front of her new commanding officers). Behind the laughter lies Jen's remarkable 15-year sobriety journey, which she maintained even during high-stress deployments.
The episode strikes a perfect balance between reverence for military service and genuine human connection through humor, culminating in a hilarious "Top Five Worst Things to Say to a Drill Sergeant" segment that would make any veteran chuckle with recognition. Whether you've served or simply want to better understand military life beyond the stereotypes, these raw stories offer a window into the unexpected realities of service life.
Want to share your own military experiences? Connect with the show at RowdandLoudy@gmail.com and join the conversation celebrating those who've dedicated themselves to serving our country.
ROWD and LOUDY is the ultimate comedy podcast where two best friends share hilarious, never-before-heard stories in every episode! Tune in for laughs, surprises, and spontaneous humor as each episode features fresh, funny tales that one of the hosts has never heard before. Plus, every episode includes a Top 5 list where we rank and discuss random topics, adding even more fun to the mix. Whether you’re into storytelling, comedy, or just want to hear two friends banter about life, ROWD and LOUDY has you covered.
Listen now for your weekly dose of laughter, entertainment, and raw, unfiltered humor.
Comedy, Funny Stories, Humor Podcast, Best Friend Podcast, Hilarious Podcast, Top 5 Podcast, Hilarious Podcast, Storytelling Podcast, Weekly Comedy Show, Laugh out Loud Podcast, Unfiltered Humor.
Welcome to the Roud and Loudy podcast. This is episode 11, and tonight we have a special show. We are doing Salute to Service All our service members, all our troops that are out there protecting us every day. We salute you. We want you to know that we are. We're here for you. We got a special guest tonight. We're here for you. We got a special guest tonight. Her name is Jen and she was in the Army and she's going to tell us some stories and she's got some really cool things going on.
Speaker 3:Eric, what do you got for us?
Speaker 1:So happy for you to ask that.
Speaker 3:Brian and I also want to let all the military men know out there that they can still keep their hats on, then they can, you know, during the national anthem.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean Me and Brad should take it off, but while you're listening, you can leave it on because you're the shit today.
Speaker 3:We also want to let you know that if you ever want to get in touch with the show, it is RowdenLoudy at gmailcom. Just like it's spelled.
Speaker 1:Just like it's spelled. Just like it's spelled. Just like it's fucking spelled R-O-W-D-A-N-D-L-O-U-D-Y at gmailcom. Just like it's spelled.
Speaker 3:Oh my God. So how are you doing today, jen? I'm great. How are you? I am fantastic. So you served in the Army. Yes, sir, how are you, I am fantastic. So you served in the Army? Yes, sir, how many years? Nine, wow. Thank you so much for your service.
Speaker 2:It was my honor and privilege. What was your role? So I was in the Signal Corps and I was a signal support system specialist. So I would hook up different methods of communication from remote locations across the globe.
Speaker 1:Awesome Wow.
Speaker 3:That's a really important role. Yes, I mean think before we had cell phones, right, Like what the fuck did the military do? Like, do they have cup phones?
Speaker 1:I don't think they had cup phones.
Speaker 2:He wasn't alive when phones were still connected to the walls yes, I was, yes, I was.
Speaker 3:I lived through all that shit. It was traumatic.
Speaker 1:You know the guy with the phone, they had the 100 foot cord dude.
Speaker 3:They used to have phones in cars and it was a dollar a minute yeah, I know my mom and dad had one it had a cord.
Speaker 1:It did and dad had one, had a cord it did, it did and it plugged into the cigarette lighter.
Speaker 2:That's so cool.
Speaker 3:Like if we can do that, why can't we put a popcorn maker in there, right, right?
Speaker 2:Well, they're putting coolers in cars now. They have been for a while Like built-in coolers.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 3:Huh, I'm just saying if you can hook up a communication system in the fucking jungle, you can probably help me with this dream of a popcorn maker and I like that and grow sour patch kids for you oh yeah you would never leave yeah, the other day jen was out uh gardening and I was talking to her and I was like you know, I bet there's not a lot of guys that are into this, huh, and she's like probably not, and I was like you know, I think it's the product.
Speaker 1:If we could grow Sour Patch Kids Dude, if we could grow Sour Patch Kids and.
Speaker 3:Gorditas Hot and Ready's Gorditas.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And then, like earlier, we were talking about the cinnamon crunch toast.
Speaker 1:Cinnamon toast crunch Cinnamon crunch toast.
Speaker 3:The cinnamon toast crunch tree with extra crunch dust. Yeah, Dude, that would be the funniest 60 minutes ever Like.
Speaker 1:I'm Dan.
Speaker 3:Rather Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Sudden uptick of men liking gardening coming to you after tonight, right.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God.
Speaker 3:So when you say that you're a signal support specialist, did you, like you, have a team with you, or was it just you?
Speaker 2:No, always on a team, okay.
Speaker 3:Always.
Speaker 2:Big, small, I mean when we were in garrison, which means basically not deployed part of a battalion, part of a battalion. When I was deployed, same thing, except when I was in Africa. I was with civil affairs teams for different missions throughout Africa. So it was just me, but with a different team.
Speaker 3:You've probably heard some shit though Mm-hmm, that's wild, that's awesome. How many different countries have you been to?
Speaker 2:42., 42., 42.
Speaker 3:I'm so glad that I got this proof now because you know earlier I was telling everyone that I tell people that you're a badass right, I always lead with. She's been to 26 countries and I've been fucking blown up.
Speaker 2:Now, mind you think about. You know, some of those were just on the ground in the airport, but I still count that as being in a country, I mean in and out. Because I mean, if that wasn't the case, then it is probably more like 26 or 28.
Speaker 3:I'm still going to go up you know You're still going to go with 42. Yeah, I'm going to go with 42. Do what you want man, it's got a nice ring to it. But with you being in a bunch of random countries, I'm just going to rapid fire ask you a couple questions real quick. Okay, worst food? What country? Worst food? Like the worst? Like it just like high school cafeteria.
Speaker 2:It was very like. I don't know, it was just blah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:When I was in Africa that was a Air Force base, no Navy base Camp Lemigny in Djibouti.
Speaker 1:Yes, I said Djibouti, Djibouti, camp Lemonnier in Djibouti. Yes, I said Djibouti, djibouti.
Speaker 2:Djibouti. If you take a map, like one of the flat map of the world or the earth, and you fold it in half, djibouti is right on that ass, crack, right on the crack. That goes it's.
Speaker 3:America's ass crack. They could have a whole tourist destination with that America's ass crack or my wife likes it in Djibouti Would be a hilarious shirt.
Speaker 2:Oh, I'm sure they're there. Well, maybe not though, because, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3:But yeah, nicest people.
Speaker 2:Uganda.
Speaker 3:Uganda Uganda.
Speaker 1:Favorite food.
Speaker 3:Yeah, favorite food, favorite other country's food that you liked.
Speaker 2:Indian Really Mm-hmm, I really grew.
Speaker 1:What was it about Indian food? Because I've had Indian food.
Speaker 2:Oh wait, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, thai've had Indian food. Oh wait, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, thai, it was.
Speaker 1:Thai, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 3:I was about to ask a bunch of Indian questions. No, it was Thai, like the guy in the cupboard, or?
Speaker 2:It was Thai because the spice I loved the spice. At that point in my life I couldn't eat things that were hot enough Huh.
Speaker 3:If only they had tie in Djibouti, you could tie those in. You know, it all makes sense. I like getting tied up in Djibouti, okay, okay um, what was the most, uh, what was the closest to America, like place you went, if you don't mind me asking that too, like like, what civilization kind of reminded you of being in america, and what one was so drastically different?
Speaker 2:um, probably abu dhabi was was like here.
Speaker 3:Yes, okay, yeah I can?
Speaker 1:I can uh vouch for that a little bit. I was there for a little while and then, what was the the other?
Speaker 3:one, the most drastic change from what it's like here. Djibouti Dude. I got to go to this Djibouti place, dude.
Speaker 1:You can ask your wife later.
Speaker 3:I'll ask if she's down for a Djibouti. But I got to play my cards, right, you know.
Speaker 2:It's a tight fit.
Speaker 3:So we're telling some funny military stories today and kind of keeping it light right, mm-hmm. Would you like to share your story first, or would you like me to go?
Speaker 2:How about I start?
Speaker 3:I like that.
Speaker 2:Because this is the story of why I chose the Army to begin with. Okay, all right. So there I was, a senior in college LBN college and basically my parents were questioning me and saying what are you going to do with the rest of your life? You know you're graduating from college. Have you thought about the military? Apparently, I needed some discipline or some shit. I don't know.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:What was your major? Uh, history and speech communications. Okay, I really had no idea what I was gonna do in my life I was expecting general studies with an undergrad in art.
Speaker 2:You know, or something like nope. So I, um, my mom and dad said, have you thought about the military? And I, I said no, but what the hell. So my friend Sarah and I drove to Jackson and in Jackson, in the strip mall, they had the Army, navy, air Force, marine, coast Guard recruiting stations. So they had all these recruiting stations right in a row recruiting stations. So they had all these recruiting stations right in a row. So my best friend and I go to this mall and I walk, we walk by, we walk all the way down past all of the recruiting offices, turn around, walk back, and the army had the hottest recruiters recruiter.
Speaker 3:So that's why I walked into the army. Are you being 100% serious?
Speaker 2:100% serious, that is so awesome.
Speaker 3:That sounds like something me and Brad would do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, yeah, definitely.
Speaker 3:Like do you want to go to Domino's Pizza Hut or do you want to go grab Little Caesars? It's like I don't know.
Speaker 1:Let's go see what the tail looks like.
Speaker 3:Let's go see titties, yeah let's go see what one's going to. You know, give a little rise to our crazy bread. You know, right, I totally get that. Rise to the crazy bread. How old were you? Oh, I was a senior in college, so like 21?.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 20. Yeah, maybe 20. I had just turned 22.
Speaker 3:Yeah, is part of the reason that they hired you because you told them that you're okay with it in your booty, or did that not get brought up yet?
Speaker 2:that didn't get brought up cool, cool.
Speaker 3:Just one. Okay, so that's literally how you picked it yes and what mall has four fucking? It was in jackson, at this jackson crossing strip mall huh, dude, jackson has a lot of life-changing decisions, dude, like the biggest jail in, isn't that? The biggest jail in Michigan is in Jackson, yeah.
Speaker 1:It's one of them. I don't know if it's the largest, because there's a large one up at the UPE.
Speaker 3:We also have one in, I don't know, detroit. Yeah, that one's probably pretty fucking big yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh God that's great. So yeah, that's my my story to kick it off. That's awesome, okay, so you? Said air force, marines, army and navy, navy there might have been a coast guard there too rank the hotness that day for me.
Speaker 3:Okay, so we got Army at one who's two?
Speaker 2:Oh gosh, I don't know if I could remember. Well, no, it's probably not the Coast Guard, the Air Force.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, he flies that pretty boy, you know. Yeah, like I used to play lacrosse and now I'm here kind of guy.
Speaker 2:Yep, they got that flow, mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:Yeah, guys like me and Brad can't compete with that. It sucks.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, uh-uh.
Speaker 3:We're probably more like Coast Guard guys, you know, and that's okay.
Speaker 2:What about the Chair Force?
Speaker 3:The Chair Force. Chair Force. Is that what they call the Coast Guard?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 3:That's what they call the Air.
Speaker 2:Force, no, no, you guys would never know the air force?
Speaker 3:no, you guys would never know. No military. No, what the fuck is the chair force? I need to know now. You can't have a secret, you're doing it like you're oh yeah, we're in the chair force yes, oh my god, you haven't once said anything about my surface. Here I am grinding in this chair all the time we're past it.
Speaker 2:We're past it.
Speaker 3:I got a funny story for you about Camp Lejeune. So this would be in the 90s.
Speaker 2:Were you alive in the 90s?
Speaker 3:Yes, Jerk, I'm just kidding, but yeah yes, I was 89. Okay, so yeah, oh yeah, I had my heyday in the 90s. I was.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, Five.
Speaker 3:Yeah, if you average it. So this is actually a story that involves my uncle and my dad, right, but it's been passed down and I've heard this story so many times, I find it fucking great. Yeah, so they're at Camp Lejeune, which is the biggest marine base in the country. Is that right? I have no idea.
Speaker 1:I think so, it's big.
Speaker 2:Camp Pendleton is pretty.
Speaker 1:That's true.
Speaker 2:So I don't know, it was probably. It could be back at that time. Yes, yeah.
Speaker 3:So he went to the px store, which I didn't even know what that was, so like I actually called my dad and had him run, run me through this so the post exchange. Yep and uh, he's like it's the size of a fucking walmart like. It's just giant like and you get discounts, whatever. So my uncle goes in and he needs a new bathing suit. So he's with my dad and my uncle was a chaplain in the navy so he was pretty high ranking and a lot of people knew him so like I mean he had been in the navy at that point, I don't know, at least 10 years, but uh, everybody knew him.
Speaker 3:So when they walk in you know it's hey, dave, hey how are you? Hey, what's up? You know saluting him everywhere he goes, like he was kind of royalty.
Speaker 2:Wrong hand. But yes, hey, I'm getting there, all right.
Speaker 3:The chair force recruits from within, and I am not through the training yet.
Speaker 1:All right, he's practicing with his other hand.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's, you know, I got it. So they walk in. They're saluting my uncle. So they walk in, they're saluting my uncle and my uncle's trying on a bathing suit. So my uncle shops around and my dad was like he probably talked to 20 people. He's there, everyone knew him and he goes into a changing room. He comes out and he looks at my dad. He's like how does this bathing suit look? And my dad looks at him without even blinking, goes, turn around, you know, let's see it. He looks at him and says loudly you have an amazing ass for a guy in your 40s. And says it with a straight fucking face. And mike turns around just with this, like no, you didn't like look at his face, because that was the chaplain. So everyone in the store is looking at him like wanting to kill him and finally, like my Uncle, mike's like look, this is my brother. He's just breaking my balls, kind of thing.
Speaker 3:And then everything was fine, but my dad's like it was so tense in that moment Because, like there's people looking at us like are you fucking kidding? You do not know where you are right now.
Speaker 2:Right Like kind of looks you lost your damn mind.
Speaker 3:So anytime I see my uncle or my dad sees my uncle, it always gets brought up and it's always like you know, uncle Mike, I don't mean to be this guy, but you have an awesome ass for a dude in your 60s. Like I just got to. Gotta be clear do you get compliments? Like that a lot, and every time I say like he knows exactly what I'm talking about so it's just such a funny story because it was such an inappropriate time to have a joke like that, yeah, in in military, like that was a big like, was that don't ask, don't tell, or was that well before that?
Speaker 1:I would think that was before. Yeah, it was big.
Speaker 3:No, no, so so the chaplain, having somebody look at him dead serious and say you have an amazing ass.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:In a store full of military people. Yeah, that's a little awkward, but now you know where I get it from.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm proud of that, you know, isn't that great, that's awesome.
Speaker 3:Oh my god.
Speaker 1:That's awesome.
Speaker 3:Do? That's awesome. Oh, my god, that's awesome. Uh, do you have a funny story that you'd like to share? It doesn't have to be funny, can be cool, can be whatever about your experience, because I'm I'm definitely kind of crazy interested in what you did all right.
Speaker 2:So when I was deployed to africa it was mainly humanitarian work and when I was in uganda I was on a civil affairs team out of I can't even remember now, but I was on the civil affairs team to do their communications and our commander wanted to do a team building like we were going to be there for several months. So one of the first few weekends when we were in Uganda we went whitewater rafting At the base of the Nile River, at the base of the Nile where it started, in Jinja, uganda.
Speaker 3:So the civil affairs team Jinja, jinja, yes, what if she was a Jinja that also liked it in Djibouti? No, would she be a Djibouti Jinja? Jinja, yes. What if she was a Jinja that also liked it in Djibouti? No, would she be a Djibouti Jinja, okay.
Speaker 1:Yes, I see how that could be easily possible. Oh my God.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. So we decide to go on this whitewater rafting trip and we get the little you know rundown of these rapids, blah, blah, blah. Some of them are pretty, you know. They're pretty big, severe rapids. Okay, we're good. You know, one team, one fight, go hard, go go home, that type of thing. So I think there were seven of us to start and one of the girls had she couldn't do it, like after the first rapid. She's like I'm done.
Speaker 1:So the kayaker helped, like get her to the so they took her to shore, basically off the raft.
Speaker 3:Yeah, is kayaker a real thing?
Speaker 1:Yes, kayaker it is now. Oh, I thought you said kayactor.
Speaker 2:No, kayaker, that sounds like.
Speaker 3:I construct kayaks in Kayak Adventures.
Speaker 1:Look at my business card bitch.
Speaker 2:You know, so we start whitewater rafting, having a great time. You know we flip several times. We're all really having a good time, but you know it's getting to the point now where we're getting more out, because every time you flip you have to use all upper body strength to pull yourself back up into the boat.
Speaker 2:So we're coming up on the last real major like this is the last one of the excursion and they briefed us don't try to fight it, just your body will surface. You know it's a pretty. Basically in the united states you would not be allowed to whitewater raft on these rapids.
Speaker 3:They're so severe really yes, so how fast do you think that water's going? If you had to guess, oh I have no, so let me.
Speaker 2:so we get ready. And we're like, yeah, this is the last one. We're like we got this, we got this. So that was not a rapid, that was a fucking waterfall.
Speaker 2:Oh shit, oh man. So I remember just starting to flip. I remember like just starting to flip and when I opened my eyes I was so deep down in the water that I saw no light from the surface like none, and my body was just thrashing from the water. It was so intense. So I just remember, you know, I did what I did and I couldn't thrash anymore, so I just gave up and my body, you know, I came up about 500 yards from where the rapid was, I mean it just pulled us so deep, so fast, so hard that sounds like a good time.
Speaker 1:So, fast, so deep, so hard, yeah oh my God and the waterfalls nearby.
Speaker 3:This is going great.
Speaker 2:Yeah the date went good, all right. So we get all done right and we get to shore, everybody's accounted for, everybody's alive, you know, a few bumps and bruises. Then we find out how dangerous the water with, like, the wildlife living in that area. You know, we didn't know about the possibility of crocodiles, or maybe they were. I can't remember if they were alligators or crocodiles but, hippos and all of like just the-.
Speaker 1:Yeah, hippos are mean too. Yeah, they will kill your house. They swim fast too. Did you see that one?
Speaker 3:where he like followed the boat oh yeah, he's like in the wake and like followed him Like dude, fuck that, it's something like 40 miles an hour.
Speaker 2:They can swim underwater.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's insane and they'll kill you oh yeah, oh yeah they're insanely yeah, they warned us of that with the game the hungry, hungry hippos.
Speaker 2:Yes, they did we would be those little balls yep, yep, got it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, are you saying you have little balls?
Speaker 3:I am not, but I am saying that if I am next to a hippo, I'm just going.
Speaker 2:I'm fucked. Yes, oh my God, oh shit Wow.
Speaker 3:So yeah.
Speaker 2:And then the other outcome of this and this is an appropriate place to share it is from the whitewater rafting trip. We most likely all ingested Nile River water and we had to get dewormed.
Speaker 1:Oh no shit. What does that mean it?
Speaker 2:means we had to take a couple of pills and watch her.
Speaker 1:Did you actually like shit, worms?
Speaker 2:I never saw any in mine, but it was a precaution, oh that's so cool and weird.
Speaker 3:I'm interested. Oh, and you know, fuck those people for not putting up a sign. Water help, waterfall ahead.
Speaker 2:It's nine dollars see, that's what I'm saying. Like it wouldn't, legally, the us government would not let you whitewater rat. I mean it would be at your own risk. Like no guided tours like this.
Speaker 1:Do you know how far the waterfall was? No, If you had to guess like with how many stories?
Speaker 3:like in a building right Like, would it have been like 15 to 20 stories up, like, or.
Speaker 2:Well, when you're going that fast through a rapid yeah, you don't really know, it's adrenaline quick.
Speaker 1:Yep, you're going over a waterfall you don't give a shit about how far you fall. You just know that you're falling Right, holy shit, and you're thinking about ginger jabooties. There's no way to really focus that energy back.
Speaker 3:I understand that oh good lord. All I can think of is Without a Paddle. Have you seen the movie Without a Paddle?
Speaker 1:That reminds me of your tubing story.
Speaker 3:Without a Paddle, Fuck dude.
Speaker 1:Oh, that was so bad, but they're looking for DB Cooper's treasure.
Speaker 3:In this movie they go on a canoe kind of thing and they're all like we got this. Then they go to a waterfall and that shit hits the fan. Yeah, yeah, they lose everything, like all of the stuff with their bone, everything their sanity. You know that's when they like cuddle in a cave three dudes and they're like you know balls are touching and stuff like yeah waterfalls lead to bad things.
Speaker 2:I'll take the worms so yeah, and we were all like just so you're tore the fuck up for three or four days after because our bodies were just being, you know, thrown around and jerked and it, yeah, and this to pull ourselves up what's the name of the girl that stayed back?
Speaker 3:A fake name's? Fine, I couldn't tell you. We'll say her name's Carissa. Okay, carissa. Fucking hated on you guys so hard after that Like she was the only one that didn't support right. Like instead of being like.
Speaker 3:I feel so sorry for them, like they're so bad. It's like those fucking idiots wanted to go whitewater rafting and I told them I'm fucking done, I'm fucking out of here, and now they're shitting worms. You get, you reap what you sow, bitch. You know like oh, but she fucking took that to a new level she had a legit phobia of water oh no shit.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. That's not a place to be and she.
Speaker 2:She gave it a good shot, like she really, really did, but she started having panic and she just couldn't yeah which good for her for trying.
Speaker 1:But we understand, you know I mean it's shitty that what happened and everything, but I bet it was just the coolest experience oh yeah I mean, after everything was said and done, you were out of the water and away from the hippos and crocodiles and shit.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I would have been like they named a virus after this. You know the Nile virus.
Speaker 2:You know like maybe we don't.
Speaker 3:The Nile beer. Yeah, like you know, maybe we don't Fuck. Carissa was right, that fucking bitch.
Speaker 2:I live to tell the story, Right Right.
Speaker 3:Dude, that's true, and that's a good thing. And you found the treasure and you got to pet a hippo. When did I say that you did?
Speaker 2:You did. I didn't pet a hippo.
Speaker 3:Dude, that'd be so cool. No, really, you wouldn't do that if you could, no.
Speaker 2:I'd pet a cheetah, I wouldn't go anywhere near a hippo dude. Yeah, I wouldn't either yeah, so when we had to get water from the hippopotamus pond. When we had to get water from the hippopotamus pond, we would pull water out of this pond and then dump a bunch of chemicals in it so that we had water to shit shower shave with.
Speaker 3:Hippos make their own ponds.
Speaker 2:No, well, it was like limit, it was the drought there was. It was a big enough to be able to take a couple hundred gallons of water out of to do laundry and to do the basics, so we had a little bit of water, yeah, so I mean they took weapons when they went to do that because those hippo hippos will come up on you so fast out of that water and I mean their jaw strength is wicked intense.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's crazy. Did anyone ever have to fire when getting water?
Speaker 2:No, thankfully. Yeah, right, I mean you could see a hippo across the pond. Turn your back for 10, 15, maybe 20, not even 20 seconds and turn back around and that hippo is right in front of you.
Speaker 3:So it's not good for people with short attention spans, right, I would be fucking mad.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you would. That hippo would gobble your ass up.
Speaker 3:I'd turn to the guy next to me. Like you know, you could actually grow cinnamon crunch toast on a tree.
Speaker 2:Like yeah, here's how it works. Dude Crunch cinnamon toast.
Speaker 3:Cinnamon crunch toast, cinnamon toast crunch, cinnamon toast crunch. Holy fuck dude, unreal, it's fun. That's like me getting Taco Bell wrong. It's three things.
Speaker 1:It's Bell Taco.
Speaker 3:Bell Taco. There is a Del Taco and it's fucking delicious, but no, there's.
Speaker 2:What show is that from?
Speaker 1:What from?
Speaker 2:The Del Taco.
Speaker 1:Oh disjointed.
Speaker 2:There's a Del Taco.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, if you ever see a taco is a taco.
Speaker 2:Did we get off topic? Yeah, it happens every time.
Speaker 3:If you ever see a Taco John's while you're out's really good, oh yeah it's weird. You get a taco and then you get a side item. Like you're at like a normal, like like a, almost like a, like a white castle, like their sides are like fries or tots, or get the fucking tots and get a taco and tell me you're not having a great fucking day. It is so good. It is so good. Those tots are awesome dude. Yeah, they're called Double D Tots.
Speaker 1:Double D Tots.
Speaker 2:Where were we? Oh, Main Street has those really good. Oh, those are good.
Speaker 3:Loaded stuff, tot things.
Speaker 1:Yes, those are awesome.
Speaker 3:But if you are listening Main Street, get it to fucking gather. How do you not have chicken wings on your menu? How do you not have a normal pizza and the burritos that I order? Every time they're fucking frozen. If you could get it together and message me, that would be awesome. And why is it that every time I go to Main Street, if there's three, people in there, or 300 people in there you wait the same amount of time. Explain that to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the matawan one is horrible like oh really, you'll go in there.
Speaker 2:I don't think we've had an experience like that, that bad. I just don't I don't know, I don't.
Speaker 3:I don't appreciate a place that calls himself a pub and they can't make a fucking buffalo wing like. It's stupid. To me it's like going to cracker barrel where's the omelet next time you go look for the omelet. It doesn't exist. How the fuck do you not have an omelet on your menu and you're a breakfast place?
Speaker 1:this is why you're closed out. Yeah, that's weird.
Speaker 3:I had a special order it last time. It's like you had to put it in a scrambled eggs that were flat.
Speaker 1:Yeah see, I've walked into a cracker barrel, and there's no barrels either, or any crackers dude. It's like this is not. There's no crackers Ever.
Speaker 3:I'm expecting a barrel full of townhouse and I got nothing when I walked in there, dude, you got no crackers. I crack.
Speaker 1:Where your barrel at white boy.
Speaker 3:Oh man, all right, all right. Where your barrel at white boy? Oh man, all right, all right, we're no, nope, nope, nope, we're saying we're back okay.
Speaker 1:So back I've got a. I've got a military story. This is actually my dad, um. He was stationed in germany and for the. I don't know how long he was there, but but he was stationed and while he was around different places he ended up at the Black Sea and there may have. Every time I hear this story from him, he always says there may have been alcohol involved. But he says he fell asleep next to the Black Sea and he got so sunburned and at the time I don't know if he was dating my mom or they'd just been married, but he sent her like skin, like his peeled skin in the love note that he was mailing back to my mom what the fuck it's dude I wonder if he was on peyote.
Speaker 3:Like that is some, that is some leonardo davinci shit. Yeah, like I'm gonna mail her my ear. Yeah, she's gonna love it but yeah, so he got.
Speaker 1:I mean, he was just just toast like he got, so burnt, I don't know if it was like off his arm or wherever, but yeah, sent it back to her in a in a love note can you imagine being so hammered that you thought a good decision was peeling off your skin to send to the well, this was later, you know he got subvert, yeah, I mean, you know, back in the. I mean this was whatever year, so I mean that's the only way they had to communicate was letters and cup phones and cup phones.
Speaker 3:Jen knows all about that she was communications in 49 countries. All right, right, she set up the African cup phone system is very diverse.
Speaker 1:She set up the solo cups.
Speaker 3:Oh, my God oh shit had I not set up a cup phone through the jungle near the ginge, we would have never made it home, but I cup phoned my commanding officer and I said we've fallen through a waterfall, come get us.
Speaker 1:And he said, all right, you know yeah, oh shit yeah I get yeah, every time that I hear that story I'm just like what the fuck, why would you do that?
Speaker 3:but yeah, that's some dark shit, man Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't think my mom necessarily appreciated it.
Speaker 3:Dude, that'd be like being so hammered, that like. So. I know that you couldn't make the circumcision, but I wanted to send you the foreskin. Ew Thought.
Speaker 2:Oh line crossed.
Speaker 3:That's all every episode. Maybe you want it on the mantle. I don't know the thinking of you just with that in the bottle.
Speaker 1:We'll put it on Grandpa's urn and the card would say and the card would say oh shit, I'm only here for the win.
Speaker 3:Enjoy the foreskin.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, oh man win.
Speaker 3:Enjoy the foreskin oh, my god, oh man what other uh? Do you have any other funny uh like military stories or um, you know, tell me, tell me about someone that you hated. Tell me about someone you loved. Tell me about more gingers, gingers gingers, ginger um, so Gingers.
Speaker 1:Ginger.
Speaker 2:Ginger. So when I was in Abu, Dhabi, I was let's see, I was newly sober when we were in Abu Dhabi and I wanted to start an AA meeting, so I sat. You know, I got approval and had an AA meeting because there was alcohol allowed on the base.
Speaker 2:So you could have like three beers a night. But we also had a lot of people who probably it was good for me, it was good for my sobriety to do that. So one like I got approval to go off base in Abu Dhabi to. I found a Catholic church where there was like an in-person AA meeting. Yeah. So there's this NCO who wanted to.
Speaker 2:He volunteered to drive me because I couldn't. Obviously, you know, being in a Muslim country, I couldn't drive myself. Basically, I needed I should have had an escort. So I mean, abu Dhabi isn't an extremely dangerous place and there are a lot of Americans there already. So and we were allowed to go out once in a while. We would have liberty so we could go out into the city. I got to take a trip to Dubai. I got to do some pretty cool things and see some cool things. So I got approval to to go off base for this meeting. It was a friday, it wasn't, it was night because it was dark. Um, but we got lost because all of the sign we couldn't you know like what the fuck are we looking at? It looked like a bunch of you know squiggly lines.
Speaker 1:It was all in Arabic.
Speaker 2:So we thought we could. You know, we thought we'd been out enough that we could get there, because GPS wasn't a thing at that point in time.
Speaker 3:There, I'd still be there.
Speaker 2:Still be walking around looking at squiggly lines brad brad knows from being in that area that the the roadway is not designed properly and when I was there several years ago it was there were a lot of unfinished sections. Like, you would be driving and you would have to get off because the road just ended.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Why did you get off sooner? Why did you read the sign?
Speaker 2:Because I can't wait to get back. So we were and we had to be back by a certain time and we totally missed the meeting. So we're driving around in Abu Dhabi, lost as shit, like I'm starting to panic right. I'm getting nervous because we don't know where we're at, we don't know how to get back. I still have nightmares about this shit, man.
Speaker 3:How long were you driving before you kind of hit that moment Like how far was the trip, I guess, how far was it to the church? It?
Speaker 2:was like 45 minutes or so To there. To there, okay, and that was allotting for a little bit of like Fucky roads, right, so it like driving around for the hour and a half. Coming up on two-hour mark, I'm getting real nervous because we're not seeing anything that looks familiar at this point yeah and so, yeah, it was.
Speaker 2:It was terrifying, and I still have nightmares about this that terrify me just being so lost and like not knowing it, it was yeah, and at this point, like we had the little nokia, like tiny phone, yeah, that was a suck yeah, that you had to like put minutes on to be able to use it. Yeah, so comms were, yeah, the prepaid thing, so it wasn't like we could just pick up a cell phone and pull up a gps, you know it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, how long were you gone, total, before you got back to the base?
Speaker 2:um close to four hours holy shit wow how did you finally figure out where I don't even remember really it it was? I was just terrified because I'm in a foreign country, right a? Woman A woman in a Muslim country. I just it was terrifying.
Speaker 3:Did you have to wear something on your face Like, did you have to do that kind of stuff while you were there?
Speaker 2:To go. Yes, well, I didn't have to like to go out by myself to walk into the church. It would be appropriate to put one on.
Speaker 3:okay, but um that required more respect, more respectful, exactly, okay yep so that's crazy I mean abu dhabi at that point, and it's even more so now is very americanized oh yeah I mean it very you just made me feel awful about how bad I am at directions right, like in, in being real, like I'll be heading home to my parents and I'm getting off on oakland. It's like, what way you're going? Do I go right or left? What the fuck you know? It's like I've been using this exit since I've been able to drive. How do I?
Speaker 3:not know, this right, yeah, dude I would still be there wandering looking for the church like no, they said, it was fine 35 years ago.
Speaker 1:Wandering in the desert, mm-hmm. So how many years now have you been sober? Because that's cool.
Speaker 2:It was 15 in November.
Speaker 1:That's an accomplishment, that's awesome. 15 years sober that's amazing, thank you.
Speaker 3:Incredible 15 years sober. That's amazing. Thank you. That's incredible Congratulations, thank you, keep going, keep doing your thing yeah. And I'll bet it was hard in that moment to not want like right. The big picture that I keep thinking about of the story you just told is here's a lady trying to better herself and also better her community and, uh, you know, and start an aa group and and get in there and when I think about what would trigger me, you know, oh yeah, it's, it would be a situation like this, where it's hopeless, right so like that's.
Speaker 3:What was crazy to me is that, like, here you are leaving to go do something positive yeah and it has a negative trigger that just killed that positive thing that's nuts, that's so it's been 15 plus years of that that's crazy that's nuts, that's awesome I have. I have a similar dream, I'm not even kidding. When I was younger, I had a dream that I was in like japan, china, I don't. That's horrible. I don't know what one, I really don't.
Speaker 2:But you were a kid and that was a while ago.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I was always like held at an airport somewhere, being yelled at by a military general in Chinese.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 3:And he's like tiny and I know I can kick his ass, but I have no idea the fuck he's saying. I have no idea why I'm there and I have no idea what I did.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I just like wake up, like so confused all the time Like I'm trying to explain this dude in English, I might as well be barking, like you know he's looking at me like answer my question, but he's asking me it all in Chinese. I don't know, it was the weirdest fucking dream, but like I don't know if that's like my fear, like knowing I could kick someone's ass but, being like strapped to something and then not even being able to communicate.
Speaker 3:Maybe that's what my fear is, but just kind of, I don't know, made me think of that when you told your story.
Speaker 2:Maybe you just have a fear of strap-ons yeah, why does it always come back to the strap-ons with you too? I don't know.
Speaker 3:I was thinking about that too, but maybe we just turned over a new leaf and now we're talking more about ginger jabooties ginger jabooties ginger in jabooty yeah, I got this hot girl. Her name is Judy. She's sexy With a ginger booty.
Speaker 1:Oh shit.
Speaker 2:Oh, I remember what that story was last night. All right, it was about getting hypnotized.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah, in a different country? Oh yeah, do you have a death warrant, like, do you have a death wish? Let's go to fucking Dubai and let's get hypnotized. This is a.
Speaker 2:Djibouti story Djibouti story no way.
Speaker 2:So we had this in the military. There's something called MWR. It's kind of like they planned when John Cena came to Abu Dhabi to do his little tour or Jillian Michaels in Iraq, I mean. So the MWR planned to have this hypnotist come in. Yeah, and it was Friday or Saturday night and you could have three. You were allowed three beers. Like the ration was, you got three beers if you wanted them a night. And so during the show the hypnotist wants, um, some volunteers. So I'm getting ready to leave. I just met my um new civil civil affairs team that I was assigned to and they we were sitting at a table, the captain bought us a beer and it was the first time meeting these people, yeah, but I'm like, oh, I'll volunteer so I go up to the stage with five or six other volunteers to get hypnotized because I didn't think in front of a crowd, in front of a few hundred people.
Speaker 2:so, because it was a friday or saturday night, like you know, we were having a beer, a 50 degree beer, a very warm beer in a very hot, hot country. But so we're all up on stage. I don't think there's any way that my mind, I could be hypnotized, right. So he does his little spiel, we all get seated in these chairs and he starts I really focus and he starts doing his thing and I was hypnotized because there was video of it and one of the things it was was um, act like you're feeling the most intense cold you've ever felt in your entire life and like shivering and looking for you know, like teeth chattering and our bodies were moving, or act like it's the hottest hot you've ever experienced. Then it was Like the army recruiter. Yes, it was like the army recruiter. Yes, exactly Like the army recruiter.
Speaker 3:tying it back. Tying it back, I like that. Got you, got you.
Speaker 2:Um, so the next one was the next one, which is the most horrific thing, was act like you are experiencing the most pleasure of your entire life.
Speaker 3:No, Did you call the guy daddy Like yes, daddy.
Speaker 2:What was that movie with the O, o O?
Speaker 3:face Office Space. Yes, thank you. Things go well. Tonight I might be showing her my O face. Yes, you know what I'm talking about. Yes, thank you. Things go well tonight might be showing her my whole face. Yes, you know what I'm talking about Ow ow.
Speaker 2:So there I am basically having.
Speaker 1:Or Stifler. Stifler did that too, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Acting like I'm having an orgasm on stage, because that's the most intense pleasure.
Speaker 1:Why did you sign up for this?
Speaker 2:I didn't think it was going to be like that. I thought they might have us clucking like some chickens or some shit like that.
Speaker 3:Even that's bad Right.
Speaker 2:So I like come to Literally, literally. That's awesome. You just wow, so I opened my eyes, oh God.
Speaker 3:And my brand new captain and team that I just met, that I'm going out on a mission with for a few months, saw me do this. You must have gotten some numbers. That night Saw your O-face.
Speaker 2:Oh, and I didn't believe it. That's awesome. I legit did not believe that. I did any of no, I had no clue, and then they showed me the video snippets of it.
Speaker 3:Did you call the hypnotherapist?
Speaker 2:I was so embarrassed Did you call him daddynos the hypnotherapist. I was so embarrassed did you call him daddy I. I was mortified like oh it was it was it was awful. Wow, I can't but I had the best time with those people. I mean, I had we had such a successful mission in Uganda. It was amazing.
Speaker 3:No waterfalls. Well, that's where we, oh, is this after? Or?
Speaker 2:before Before.
Speaker 3:You didn't even know. Okay so if you could go back right, you have to do one again. Would you whitewater raft, knowing that you're going to fall off a fucking waterfall and it's going to be horrible, or would you let the dude make you come on stage again? You have to do one.
Speaker 2:It would be the waterfall.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I can see how embarrassing, that is.
Speaker 3:I'm a habitual line stepper. I don't like what's up here, you know, so I would never sign up for that, because I would be the one that would say weird shit like oh fuck, oh fuck, yeah, you like that bitch.
Speaker 2:You, yeah, yeah, ginger booty, ginger booty you know, yeah, no, I uh, yeah it. It was terrifying, but that was a great group of people. Unfortunately a few of them gave their life for our country.
Speaker 1:Wow, oh no shit.
Speaker 2:Oh, really Not during that time, but after, and other deployments other oh that's. Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's the worst, yep, you know it's, that's so worst.
Speaker 3:Yep, you know it's. That's so sad. Yeah, is it because they didn't want it in Djibouti Come?
Speaker 2:on. I'm messing, I'm messing, I'm messing. That's me hitting you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I deserve it. So I wrote a poem about this. Would you like to hear it? Sure, this is called A Poem I Wrote by Eric Schwab. Oh, god damn it, not again. Man, fuck, we gotta get the beep out again. Yep, we gotta beep it. Hey girl, I know that this is fruity and I know you're active duty. I only have one question, please don't sue me. Can I put it in Jabooty?
Speaker 2:Did you just come up with that in like the last 40 minutes?
Speaker 3:It's literally called a poem I wrote by Eric Mee.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3:But this right here is why I will never get hypnotized, like when the guy's like hey, I'll do it, you know, you'll get some free cinnamon toast crunch, nailed it.
Speaker 1:You'll also get a free hot and ready, you know, grown fresh from our garden. I wouldn'tailed it. You'll also get a free hot and ready grown fresh from our garden.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't do it. Yeah, where were we? I?
Speaker 3:think it's time for the top five? I think so too. Do you need a?
Speaker 1:Okay, so tonight's top five is the worst thing that you could tell your drill sergeant or your commanding officer, or brand new drill sergeant. Oh yeah, or brand new commanding officer. You can show them your oak face Daddy.
Speaker 3:Oh shit, oh my God. So would you like to go first or second, Brad, and we are going to go ahead and let Jen have a pass on this top five.
Speaker 2:Well, I want to give one. Okay, I like that.
Speaker 3:But I also want you to kind of explain this. What would happen if this was? Said you know, just like what you think the response would be would be kind of a gold thing for us.
Speaker 1:Yep, okay, I'll go first, okay, okay. So my number one is don't ask, don't tell a thing, because Walker's hammer is really swinging my way, oh my.
Speaker 3:God dude His meat sword.
Speaker 2:Oh dude, his meat soared. Oh shit, oh shit is right.
Speaker 3:That's bad. Did you get fired that day?
Speaker 2:But here's the thing you can't really get fired. You've got to fuck up enough times where they kick you out, but it's not like you fuck up so bad and you're done. That day they've got to write you up, and write you up, and write you up, and then yeah, but don't you have to go through shit like if you were to say something like that oh, you wouldn't walk or move your arms for at least two weeks, like you'd be doing nonstop front bag O's, oh yeah.
Speaker 3:Nonstop what's? A front bag O Laptop.
Speaker 2:So front is you're doing push-ups, Back you do flutter kicks and then go is you start running. And you do each one of those things until they decide to say the next. So I say front, you get on, start doing pushups until I say back. And that could be 30 seconds, that could be three days.
Speaker 3:So they don't like cockiness.
Speaker 1:No, okay, my number two.
Speaker 2:Well, okay, hold up, they don't like cockiness Back in the day when I was there, like in the military, because I've been out 10 plus years now it's different than it is today. I want to throw that caveat out there, because it is very different today with what is tolerated and accepted.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's good, that's a good thing. Right In your opinion, like that it is that way accepted. Yeah, that's good. So Is it? That's a? That's a good thing, right In your opinion? Like that, it's that, it is that way now, no, oh, I don't, I was so supportive I realized I got to put the pom poms down. How dare they?
Speaker 2:I, just I. You know the things like the trying to make it more.
Speaker 3:Like, can you be.
Speaker 2:Like, can you like switch a gender, like while you're in the military, that's okay. No, I don't. I don't know about any of that okay except for what I you know news and stuff. But um, news sucks, it's. It was, you know, 10, 12, 14, even 20 years ago. It was much more physically demanding without all of the sunshine and rainbows.
Speaker 3:Okay, so it's a participation trophy kind of place now.
Speaker 2:No, I wouldn't say that, because less than 1% of the American population is serving or has served in the military. So you know, but it's I don't think DE think dei helped it, if I can say that yeah okay I like it like, let's not put out a oh you gotta, you gotta, take that out. I can't say that I'll say it.
Speaker 3:So what you're saying is you don't want to have a bunch of pussies.
Speaker 2:Okay, like I, like pig yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, number two. Anyway, walker was swinging his hammer around driving rail spikes, and so we took the train to your daughter's house.
Speaker 3:Oh, oh my God, she's still talking about a dude's beat sword.
Speaker 2:Here's the thing. You would have got half of that out before you were just Cold cocked.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, really Boot up your ass, yeah, my.
Speaker 1:God. Number three you have such an ego, you think, because you say it, we're just going to do it oh my god yes, yes I do pound your face. Yeah, pound your face, that's that could go in a different way like that wouldn't work with my last boss, dude pound your face.
Speaker 2:No, no, you have such an ego, ego, oh, yeah, yeah he's a fucking dick.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 3:Not current boss.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 3:From the last place. Dad did not hug him much. What Dad did not hug him much as a kid he's a fucking angry human being All the fucking time I'm sorry it's okay that's not fun I'm not there anymore
Speaker 1:anyways, number four number four if assholes were airplanes, you'd be a jumbo jet, oh my god, yeah, that's not as bad as the yeah, but yeah.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I'm trying to think.
Speaker 3:If I had to like dude. That person's getting whipped. That person's getting the baton. You know Like I'm gonna fucking fuck them up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and mine, I think.
Speaker 3:Number five. Okay, mambo, mambo, number five.
Speaker 1:I got you the special 152 count box of crayons. Oh my God, I don't know how the hell that ever started with Marines. I wish I did. But With the crayons, yeah. They always talk about, they joke about eating crayons. Even my brother-in-law, he was a Marine and he jokes about eating crayons.
Speaker 3:Holy fuck, there's a dog in here. That's so cool. What's up, buddy? Oh my God. So I think that that was a great top five, and I think that you'd be doing some physical labor, oh yeah. I think that with mine you might get shot.
Speaker 1:I think I'd be dead from like overworking.
Speaker 3:You ready for mine? It's about to be bad bud. Did you go 1 to 5 or 5 to 1?
Speaker 1:I did 1 to 5, but they're in no particular order. This is just as they came to my head.
Speaker 3:Okay, sir, so this would be Drill Sergeant. I'm going to specify Drill Sergeant, sir. Why do you remind me of my ex? Oh yeah, you're loud, demanding and leave me unsatisfied.
Speaker 2:You might get a chuckle out of the other drill sergeants, but he's about to fuck your ass up. Oh yeah, dude.
Speaker 3:Pistol whipped. That's what I'm going for.
Speaker 2:It's a good thing drill sergeants don't have weapons on them.
Speaker 3:I'm looking for that honorable discharge.
Speaker 2:That would be so dishonorable.
Speaker 3:Honorable discharge, but if he pistol whips me, am I good.
Speaker 1:I don't think you're going to survive.
Speaker 3:I'm fine with eating food through a straw but what I'm saying is Okay.
Speaker 1:You know, it would be epic if we actually had drill sergeants that were listening. That would do that so great like this is what I would have done if I'd heard that you ready for number two?
Speaker 3:yeah, damn, sir. If you keep riding my ass like this, at least buy me a fucking drink first. Number three oh my god, that's so bad. I'm gonna say it, though, for someone who's in charge you sure look like you're used to being on your knees. Oh, damn yeah. These are cold though I like these.
Speaker 1:Oh shit, I can yeah.
Speaker 2:Your eyelashes would hurt.
Speaker 3:What do you mean?
Speaker 2:You'd get the dog piss smoked out of you.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, your toenails would. Yeah, They'd rip your nails off.
Speaker 2:No From running or doing whatever you wouldn't.
Speaker 3:What if you just sat down Indian style? What do they do? Just sat down Indian style and completely ignored them and just said like namaste, what would happen?
Speaker 2:Not good things.
Speaker 3:Like can they physically? Like fuck you up. No, then I'm good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, for a little while, for like five minutes yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2:Because if you want to eat? Sleep shower? Change your underwear, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, okay, piggybacking off that number four. Are we allowed to? So this would be to your new high-ranking person that you report to, not Darrell Sargent, but like you're in his office asking him Sir, are we allowed to fuck higher-ranking officials? I would really like to show her my honorable discharge.
Speaker 1:No comment Pretty clever though, oh my God Pretty clever, oh shit, could you imagine.
Speaker 3:Does that person get thrown out of that office? No, because they can't touch you. That's great.
Speaker 2:Well, mps can touch touch you, that's great. Well, mps can touch you like cops, you're so fucked, but good one right.
Speaker 3:Would it have been better if I showed her my dishonorable discharge or said something like I want to honorably discharge on her face?
Speaker 2:Oh my god.
Speaker 3:I mean you know what.
Speaker 1:I'm talking about.
Speaker 3:You're digging up fucking all of it, you're lucky, I can't hit you. Wait, I thought that wasn't that bad. I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to cross the line, I just thought that was great. It is a discharge. Oh my god.
Speaker 2:Number five.
Speaker 3:Number five If common sense were fuel, you wouldn't have enough to power a fucking flashlight. Oh shit Wow. You're probably dying for that one. Did you have any that didn't make it.
Speaker 1:No, I didn't, I did Hold on Hold, on Hold on what was your one?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, the one conscientious objector to walk into your commander's office three or four days before a deployment and say I'm a conscientious objector, I'm not deploying oh shit, oh, what would they have done? Oh, I saw it oh really yeah, it was, yeah they. What happened? He got uh kicked, kicked out never, never heard from again oh no, I heard from him again when I moved here. He's got a tree service in the area really I think I know who you're talking about.
Speaker 3:Yep, is he a little wild?
Speaker 2:oh, I don't know okay, okay, but yeah um, it's the same guy that at fort bragg's, yeah no shit wow wait, what happened? What same guy we were getting ready to deploy, like we were packing our bags to deploy, and this kid, 18, 19 years he must have been 19, said. I'm a conscientious objector, I will not deploy.
Speaker 3:He was conscious. Yeah, wow, wow yeah.
Speaker 2:I'd hit him, so yeah.
Speaker 1:He'd hit him with the honorable discharge yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, what about this for a question? Does the military still have a don't ask, don't tell policy? Because these dudes are pretty fucking hot man.
Speaker 2:I think you can say that stuff now.
Speaker 3:It'd be so weird. I'd salute you, but I'm already standing at attention, if you know what I mean. If I do you a favor and drop down and give you 20, will you do me a favor and drop dead? Oh, damn, oh my gosh. Or to a drill sergeant? Is the weather going to get colder? My thong is riding my ass and it's really making it hard You've just made.
Speaker 2:so many stories come to mind.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:You'll have to do another salute service in the future so I can share some more of my crazy, fucked up shit that I've done.
Speaker 3:You're giving an order like you have something to prove. Are you compensating for something, sir?
Speaker 1:Oh Jesus to prove.
Speaker 3:Are you compensating for something, sir? Oh jesus, at this point, just fuck me. At least I'd be satisfied for once okay, that's enough of those oh wow, all right, I think that, uh, we nailed it.
Speaker 2:This is a lot of fun guys I did, I, you have fun.
Speaker 3:I did, I did. I'm so glad.
Speaker 2:I was nervous at first.
Speaker 3:Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to kind of explain this to us. And yes, we had some fun, we had some laughs, but at the end of the day we give a shit about our military.
Speaker 2:We really do.
Speaker 3:And whether or not you do it doesn't matter. But, like this whole part of the show is just kind of to talk about it, glorify it a little bit and also have some fun. But we want everybody to know that we're very much pro-military.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely 100%.
Speaker 3:I'm two things always I'm pro-military and I'm down to put it in Djibouti.
Speaker 2:I'm pro-military and I'm down to put it in Djibouti and, on that note, super fun night guys. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:Thank you for coming on the show, thank you for your service, thank you for all you've done and congratulations on 15 years sober. Thank you, that is so cool, sober.
Speaker 3:Thank you. Thank you, that is so cool yeah.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
Speaker 3:And you got lost in a country with a bunch of signs that just look like hashtags, you know, like hashtag squiggly star. This is where we turn. Yeah, pretty much, that would have been fucked oh man.
Speaker 1:Well, all right. Well, thanks everybody for listening. I really hope you enjoyed the show. If you or someone you know are in the military, thank you for your service, yep.
Speaker 3:What was? And piggybacking off of respect, I want to let all our listeners know that our next episode, oddly enough, is a 420 guide. So it is a guide to a wonderful 420.
Speaker 2:We'll be back with more. Oh doodle pies.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, oh fuck.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:We can't get into that yet. Oh God, we got to save that stuff, yeah.
Speaker 1:I could talk about food forever, yeah, especially on 420. It's Easter this year FYI oh yeah, that's true Is this year.
Speaker 2:FYI oh yeah, that's true, Is it?
Speaker 3:Yeah, it is 420 is on Easter Dude. I have a new goal. I want to get high with the Easter bunny, the actual one. Okay.
Speaker 1:Oh man, all right everybody, thanks for listening. Appreciate you guys, take care and we'll catch you on the next episode If you're lucky. All right, peace.
