The Napkin In Between
Welcome to The Napkin In Between Podcast where we dive into social commentary, personal life, politics, & everything in between. The Napkin In Between Podcast delivers necessary hard truths, but don't worry...we'll give you a napkin to soften the blow!
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The Napkin In Between
Home Visits, Headstones, & Homophobes: WWDD?!
Family can be our greatest source of love or our most painful source of hurt. In this candid episode, I dive into my recent Atlanta trip to celebrate my Nephew's 12th birthday – a milestone that's left me emotional as I watch the little boy who gave me my Auntie nickname "Nene" grow taller than me.
Between reflecting on my driving anxiety (seriously, we're controlling several-ton machines with just our feet and a wheel!) and stepping outside my comfort zone at an airport bar, I explore how my perfectionism often keeps me from experiencing life fully. The conversations I had with strangers reminded me that we're all living vastly different stories on this "floating rock in space" – so why waste time worrying about others' perceptions?
The heart of this episode tackles a powerful listener question in our first "What Would Daijné Do?" segment. Michelle shares her struggle to get her father a headstone after 18 years, facing resistance from her siblings. When family members make their conditional love evident, how do we honor our boundaries while still accomplishing what matters to us?
I leave you with this truth: blood relation was forced upon us without our consent, but choosing who deserves space in our lives is entirely within our control. You deserve to live authentically without anyone diminishing your peace – and sometimes that means letting people go, regardless of their relation to you. Your one precious life shouldn't be spent trying to earn acceptance from those unwilling to give it freely.
Have a question for the WWDD segment? Email thenapkininbetweenpodcast@gmail.com and share your story. I'm honored to be part of your journey toward living your fullest, most authentic life.
Is this thing on? Hello hello. Uh-oh, another yapper with a mic. Hello everyone, welcome back to the Napkin In Between podcast. I'm your host, Daijné Jones. Today we have a special guest my dog Luna. She is attached to my hip right now. Well, she's pretty much attached to my hip at all times, but I just took a weekend vacation and just got home late last night, and so she has been right by my side ever since I got home. So she is joining us today for the pod, because literally everywhere I go, she is right beside me. She won't leave my side. So for those of you who watch on YouTube, you get a sweet little treat today to see my little dog, Luna.
Daijné:Speaking of my trip, this past weekend I went to Atlanta to see my family. This has been the peak of my week, by the way, and it's kind of ironic because Atlanta is one of my least favorite cities, but my most favorite people live there. So every time I fly to Atlanta it's a little bit like I don't even want to be in this city, but obviously I love seeing my family, so it's always like a little bit of an oxymoron for me. And no hate to Atlanta, it is just a place where I experienced the worst relationship of my entire life. So I think that's probably why I don't like the city. Also, I have a lot of driving anxiety and the only way to get around in Atlanta is driving. I mean, you can take public transportation, but the way the public transportation is set up in Atlanta, instead of going through the city, it goes around the city and I'm pretty sure that's because of gentrification and racist white people. They didn't want the public transportation to go through the city, they wanted it to go around, and so the public transportation in Atlanta makes no fucking sense. Like it's not that it's more convenient, it's not that it gets you there quicker because of the way it's set up. It's so stupid. It goes around the city that you're going to get there in about the same amount of time as driving, because of traffic and things like that.
Daijné:So, being as someone who again has a lot of driving anxiety because, like, think about driving for a second, ok, here here's why driving is so scary for me. You are controlling a several ton thing with a wheel and your feet. That is like the scariest concept to me ever. Like what do you mean? I'm making this thing go with my feet and this wheel, and then on top of that, you have to trust that the other people in their several ton motorized thing are controlling their thing with a wheel in their feet safely. You know what I mean?
Daijné:Most of driving, for me at least, is just worrying about what the people around me are doing like. Are you impaired in any way? Are you texting? Have you been drinking? Do you even have a license, especially in Atlanta? Do you have insurance? Because a lot of people in Atlanta drive uninsured, and me personally, like I just don't have a lot of trust or faith in humanity, and so being that dependent on other people is just a really, really scary concept to me. So I don't enjoy driving, and I guess the alternative to controlling my own several ton motorized thing is putting my life in other people's hands and letting them control the thing, because, like, I would genuinely prefer to take an uber or public transportation, which also doesn't make me feel that safe either.
Daijné:Now that I'm thinking about it, I guess I never really thought about it until literally just this moment, but driving is just such a scary concept to me, like I didn't get my license until I was 23, almost 24 years old, because I just didn't want to drive and I honestly didn't have a reason to anyway. Like, growing up, I grew up in a really small town. You could walk everywhere. And then when I went to undergrad, I went to a college in a town very similar to the one that I grew up in, so I didn't need to drive there either, I could just walk everywhere. And then for my master's degree I was in Pittsburgh at the University of Pitt, and with your student id you're able to use public transportation for free. So I just did that, and then, after I graduated from Pitt, I didn't have the free public transportation anymore. But I was in a relationship, so I was a passenger princess. But then I realized that I was depending too much on a man because, like, anywhere I needed to go, he was driving me, and so I was like, okay, I should get my license now. So I eventually got my license at like 23 or 24.
Daijné:But the whole concept of driving has just always been so scary to me. I just don't like doing it, and so I think that's why I don't like Atlanta as well, just because you have to drive everywhere, like it's nothing to do with the city itself. Like, the people are great, the food is amazing. I just don't like the way the city is mapped out and then I guess it's it's one person in Atlanta that makes the whole city terrible for me. Anyway, I was going to Atlanta to visit my family. It was my Nephew's birthday. He turned 12, which is crazy to me.
Daijné:Like of all of my nieces and nephews, he's the first born and so he's the one who made me an aunt. And not to say that I have a different connection with him than my other nieces and nephews but also I kind of do, because my family dynamic is really messy and toxic and definitely a conversation for another day but him and I are just very, very close. Like he's the one who gave me my auntie name, because my name is Daijné, and so when I was first thinking about like what my nieces and nephews were gonna call me, I was like I have no idea, like I didn't really want them to call me auntie, because when he was born I was 18 or 19, and so I was like I don't really want y'all to call me auntie, like I just feel like auntie is like a term for the older aunts and uncles. You know what I mean. So I was like I don't really want to be called auntie, obviously, as children desion a is way too hard. And so I was going back and forth, like what, what should they call me? What should they call me?
Daijné:And then one day he had come with my grandpa and my older sister to help me move out of college my freshman year. And they opened the door and he just goes Nene, I'm so happy to see you. And I was like who is Nene? And he's like you, you're Nene. And I'm like okay, like I guess that works. Like I have no idea where he came up with that, I don't know where it came from. He just one day called me Nene, and now that's what my nieces and nephews call me is Nene. And so it just stuck, which was great because again, I was struggling and I had no idea what I wanted them to call me anyway. And he just he came up with it himself and I was like you know what? Hell? Yeah, this, this is what we're going with. So he's the one who made me an aunt, he's the one who gave me my aunt name.
Daijné:Like he and I's relationship is just, we're just very, very close, partially because, again, like I said, my family dynamic is really messy and really chaotic and just I feel like with families, either your family is like your biggest supporters or they're your biggest haters, like there's really no in between when it comes to family. At least from my experience and what I've seen with families and unfortunately my family, namely my siblings, my biggest fucking haters like if y'all were around at the beginning of 2024, when it was me versus my siblings online, mind you all, because my younger sister stole my car and so I pressed charges against her because she stole my car. And here come my siblings like mad at me and coming at me online because I was pressing charges on my sister. Like I said, either your family is your biggest supporter or your biggest hater. Unfortunately for me, my family seems to be my biggest hater. So, anyway, because of the chaoticness of my siblings and different things like that, my mom so my nephew's grandmother has been his constant since he was like two years old and I've been his second constant, you know, like when I would go home from college in the summers or for vacations, like I was the one who was most around apart from my mom. She's been like the constant and so being as though he's turning 12, his last year before he is a freaking teenager.
Daijné:I am not okay. That's just a big birthday to me and I was like I need to go celebrate that with you because, like I don't know, I just can't wrap my head around it. Like it was just yesterday, he was two constantly wanting to climb on my shoulders and wanted me to pick him up, and now he's taller than me almost, like literally. I feel like every time I go back to atlanta we always stand side by side to see if he's passed me up. Yet we are shoulder and shoulder. I just know the next time I see him he's going to be taller than me. Oh, I am not okay. I can't handle this.
Daijné:So I caught a flight into Atlanta on Friday his birthday was actually Friday, the 21st, um and then spent the weekend with him to celebrate his birthday and just be there for him, because that's my baby. I just I really cannot wrap my brain around the fact that he is just getting so old. We had a really good time. We went to a place called urban air. It's a trampoline park, but it also has like vr and climbing walls and slides, and it was just really it was really nice. I'd never been there before. It was a ton of stuff to do and so I think he had a good time. I hope he had a good time time because it was good to see him and he's just so funny.
Daijné:It's just so interesting to see kids grow up and develop into their personalities and just see them experience life and learn things and just develop into people and assert themselves, which is something that honestly, with my nephew, I was kind of worried about with him, honestly, because he's very quiet, he's very timid, and so I was always worried because kids can be mean and I feel like every generation they just get meaner and I think that part of it is just like the development of social media and social media can desensitize people and I don't know, these kids are just mean these days and so, with him being so like timid and quiet, I was worried about, you know, if he is ever bullied at school. He's never said anything to me about kids picking on him or anything like that, but I it's just always something that I was always worried about just because of how timid and shy and quiet he is, and a couple months ago my mom was telling me that, um, there was this boy in his class who is known as the bully of his grade and he like went up to my nephew and like slapped his glasses off my nephew's face and my nephew punched him and, honestly, when my mom was telling me about it, I was like you know what? Hell? Yeah, I feel like he got that from me a little bit because unpopular opinion maybe, I don't really know.
Daijné:I think that bullies need to be bullied back because it's like you could have left me alone, you could have just minded your business, you could have sat there and ate your food. But it said, you wanted to be a bully, so here's a taste of your own fucking medicine. And so when my mom was telling me about it, I was like, don't punish him for that. You know he stood up for himself. He shouldn't get in trouble at home for that, which she told me she wasn't going to. He did get suspended from school for like a day and the other kid got three days. I think it was because he started it.
Daijné:But I was very proud of him because, like I said, he's very quiet, he doesn't bother anybody, and so if anyone is going to be a target for bullying. I always figure that it might be him, just because of how quiet he is. Like you know people, they take your quietness and your timidness for weakness and he let him know real quick. I am not the one or the two and I said you know what? Hell yeah, if somebody is messing with you, you should absolutely stand up for yourself, and I stand by that. But it's just so interesting to see them develop all of the different qualities that are needed in people, like their personalities and the way that they assert themselves and the way that they navigate the world, and it's nice to be there to help them navigate it as well.
Daijné:Also, on my trip to Atlanta, like I told you guys in my last episode, two things I don't do enough are utilize my free will and romanticize my life, and I told y'all that I wanted to do those things more, and so Friday night, when I was flying out to atlanta, my flight was hella delayed. It was delayed by like two and a half hours, and so I was like you know what? I'm just gonna dilly dally, I'm gonna utilize my free will. So I went to an airport bar for the first time, which is honestly a really big step for me, because anytime I do something by myself out in public, that's huge for me.
Daijné:Honestly, because I struggle a lot with social anxiety and I think a lot of it stems from the fact that I'm a perfectionist. I'm always worried about how I'm being viewed by people. Like one of the biggest things that I am working on is just not really caring about what people think or what people have to say, because I get one life, and what am I supposed to do? Worry about other people's thoughts and opinions my entire life? Like be for real. Which probably sounds a little contradictory too, because I am a content creator, I am putting myself out there constantly. This is something that has helped me a lot with my social anxiety and putting myself out there, but also sometimes I forget that y'all are real people who are viewing my content or like watching me. You know what I mean. Like I feel like parasocialness can work both ways from the community to the creator and from the creator to the community.
Daijné:Like you know how sometimes people forget that, like content creators are human or have feelings or you know whatever, and so they will cross a weird boundary or comment things that they would never say to people in person or say to their faces. I feel like that happens to me too is like I forget that y'all are real people and like right now, I am just myself and I'm being fully myself because I just feel like I'm sitting in my room talking to myself and the person that I'm most comfortable with is myself. And so whenever I'm creating content in my room whether it be the podcast, whether it be a TikTok, whatever that is who I am fully 100% right because it's just like I'm. I'm just by myself, talking to myself, whatever. Because I sometimes forget that there are real people who will see these things like I genuinely forget that there are people behind the numbers that are the community that I'm building, and so there's been a couple times where people have recognized me in public and been like are you that girl from TikTok and I'm not gonna hold you. When it first happened the first couple of times, I said no. I looked the people right in their face and I said no, I'm not on TikTok, I have no idea what you're talking about. And then they're like oh, my god, I'm so sorry. You look like this girl that I follow on TikTok and I'd be like oh, it's okay, no problem, whole time, it's me. I am the girl you follow on TikTok.
Daijné:But it was just scary for me, like I was like you're not real, like I genuinely forget that y'all are real, and so when I first started being noticed in public the first time, I would just lie and be like that's not me, I don't know what you're talking about. But now, like I admit to it, like I'm like, yeah, that that's me, but I cannot remember a single interaction that I have had with anyone that I have met who has noticed me from TikTok or whatever. Like I swear to god, I black out and honestly, my biggest fear is that as I continue to grow my community, as people recognize me more and more and more, it'll come off as like I'm someone different online than I am in real life, because I do struggle a lot with social anxiety and I can be a little bit more introverted actually way more introverted than you guys see online, and so I don't ever want y'all to think that like I'm posing or I'm faking or whatever. It's just that the person you see online and the person that you see in real life, like those are two different people. Like the online me who I feel like is genuinely just sitting in my room talking to myself. That is when I am most comfortable, and so that's who I genuinely am. But when I go outside and there's people, I just have a lot of anxiety.
Daijné:Anyway, what the fuck was I even talking about? Oh, the airport bar. So, anyway, I went to the airport bar because I was like I want to exercise my free will more and romanticize my life and just take myself outside of my comfort zone. You know that saying that's like life begins on the other side of your comfort zone, I feel like for me, life begins on the other side of my perfectionism. So I went to the airport bar, got myself a drink, whatever.
Daijné:I was sitting there and there was this man beside me. After I ordered my drink he was like oh, what are you drinking, young lady? That looks good, he's like 60 or something. And so I I pointed him on the menu, like what I had ordered, whatever, whatever. And so he strikes up a conversation. He's telling me like what he's in New York. For he was a firefighter from Alabama, he had come to New York for a training and he was just flying back to Alabama. I told him about me going to Atlanta to celebrate my nephew's birthday. Also, side note, if you see my eyes wandering, there's a fly in my room right now. It's driving crazy. JLO done sent one of her little workers to try to distract me while I'm trying to film. She wants somebody's content to be as mediocre as hers, like girl. That's why I'm a snatch your wig harder bar. Anyway I'm talking to this man at the bar, I'm having my drink, he's having his drink, whatever.
Daijné:First and foremost, I did not realize how strong airport drinks are. Mind you, again, this was my first time ever at an airport bar. I didn't really know what to expect, but the airport pour. I feel like is on the same level as the gay poor. You know what I mean. If you've ever been to a gay bar, you know what I'm talking about. Gay bars drinks are so strong, which I love, I'm not complaining, but I'm just saying, like them, bitches, are strong. That's how the airport drinks are also.
Daijné:And so I started to feel it a lot because I had eaten a couple hours earlier. So I was like, oh, I should probably put something on my stomach. And so the guy beside me was eating wings, and so I was like oh, do you like those wings, like are they good? Because they smelled really good. And he was like yeah, they're really good. So I was like okay, I'll order myself some wings. So I put in my order for wings and the bar manager is like oh, I think the kitchen is closed. And so I was like okay, like no, worries, if it is like not a big deal. The gentleman beside me was like oh, do you want these? He had like two wings left on his plate because it came in like an order of five, and I was like how sweet of him to like offer his wings to me. But I was like no, it's okay. Like don't worry about it, it's all good. Thankfully, the bar manager came back and said that I was the last order the kitchen was going to take. So I was like okay, period, thank God, because I was really hungry and that drink was hitting me hard and soft. Okay, so I get my wings, whatever.
Daijné:Him and I continue our conversation and he's about to leave for his flight. So he's closing on his tab and he tells the bar manager he's like put her wings on my tab. And then he looks at me and he goes did you want another drink? Do you want anything else and I was like you know what? Hell yeah, I want another drink. So he bought me a second drink and I was just sitting there like, of all, I definitely need to come to the bar more often if this is how it's gonna be. But second, that is how men should be like. He was so respectful. He was calling me ma'am, which I was like okay, chill out on that, but he's from the south, so that's just how it is down there, but he's calling me ma'am. We had a nice little conversation, bought me a drink, paid for my wings, and then after that he was just like, okay, have a good flight, and left and I was just like this is how men should be. Like he wasn't creepy at all, which obviously is the bare minimum, so I'm not going to hype that up too much, but he wasn't creepy. He was extremely respectful, bought me a couple of things and then left and I was like, oh, hell, yeah, I need to meet strangers at the bar more often in the airport, because it was just. It was just a nice conversation and he was just so, so sweet.
Daijné:And on the other side of me there was this woman who was also on my flight to Atlanta. So she was at the bar because our flight was delayed and I was able to check up a conversation with her. She was telling me that she was going to Atlanta to see her man. He had bought her a ticket, was flying her out. She was telling me that it was her first time ever flying.
Daijné:We were flying Southwest and if you've never flown Southwest, it's very different. There's open seating. So she was like trying to figure out how she finds her seat because they hadn't assigned her a seat. So I was like explaining to her like oh, it's open seating, you can sit wherever you want when you get on the plane, whatever, whatever.
Daijné:But she was also telling me that, like her grandma is really sick and she's back at home, she's from the DR, and so while we were sitting at the bar, she was on the phone, like speaking in Spanish to someone, and she was telling me that she was like frazzled because her grandmother, who she's really, really close to, was really sick and so she was happy to be going to see her man. But at the same time, like her head was all over the place because it sounded like, in the way that she was explaining it to me that it could be any minute for her grandma, and so she was telling me that, like if her grandma were to pass away, she would drop at everything, no matter where she was, and obviously go straight to her grandma. And so she was telling me, like how bittersweet it was to be going to see her man in the time that you know she is also really struggling with with family things, and it just was a reminder to me that so many people are living such different lives. Like the man to the side of me was just there on a work trip. The woman on the other side of me was from New York going to Atlanta, but also her head and heart were in the DR, and here I was going to Atlanta to see my family and celebrate my nephew's birthday.
Daijné:Like we all live such different lives, which was also a reminder to me that, like none of it matters we are on a floating rock in the middle of space. Like live your life. Who cares? You know what I mean. Like at any moment, your life could drastically change. Like life is too uncertain to worry about the perception of others. You get one life. You're going to spend your entire life worrying about others or not doing the things that you want to do, because, oh, someone might think that this is weird, or you know they might. They might say this about me, or they might do that, at the end of the day, people are going to be people. They are going to judge. If they want to judge, they are going to talk. If they want to talk, you might as well give them something to talk about. You know what I mean.
Daijné:And so, going to this bar, meeting these people and, just you know, striking up these conversations, it genuinely helped me so much because, again, I struggle with anxiety and and not wanting to do things by myself because of perfectionism or whatever, and it just was a nice reminder to me that so many people live such different lives and we only get one life. And so, as long as you're not hurting anyone, live your life. When did I get home? Last night? Around like 11, 11, 30 after traveling, and so it's Monday morning at like 7 am. So I don't even really know what I'm saying. I'm sorry if I'm like all over the place this episode, but I think the point I was trying to make is that I utilized my free will, which I said I wanted to do more of and ended up being really cool. 10 out of 10 would recommend, because I got free food and drinks and I was able to have conversations with people which reminded me that life can be very fleeting. We get one life, live it to the fullest. So, anyway, that was the peak of my week. That was like a lot, as always. I would love to hear the peak of your week. Please tell me something that made you smile, kept you grounded, just made you happy in the chaos that is this world. So what are you guys talking about today?
Daijné:In my very first episode of the podcast, I said that I wanted to do a segment called WWDD, which stands for what "Would Daijné Do, and I got this idea from one of you on TikTok. Your favorite gerontologist was studying for an exam one day and she was listening to music and it got to the point in studying where the music was becoming distracting. So she wanted to put on a movie, and so she was gonna put on the movie Enough, which stars Jennifer Lopez, and so she thought to herself WWDD, like what would Dejanay do? And then she didn't put on the movie, which also, side note, I genuinely think that JLo is a pretty good actress. I did like her and enough. I liked her and Selena. I just think that she's a little bit too delusional for my liking. You know what I mean, because she wanted to do acting, dancing and singing like girl. You should have just stuck to acting or dancing, because she's not a bad dancer either. It was just the singing that I was like okay, girl, we need to, we need to relax anyway.
Daijné:So it gave me this idea because I also have a degree in social work. I worked as a therapist for a couple years before I got into nannying, and so it gave me the idea that you guys could send in to me your stories, your situations, your whatever that you need advice on, and I would give you advice or what I would do in that situation. And so I recently got my first submission for a WWDD, and so I want to read through it and talk about the situation, talk about you know what they have going on, and I'll give them my advice. I briefly read through the email because I wanted to see if they wanted me to keep anything anonymous. They didn't say that they did, but I didn't really read the email and so I'm not really sure of the situation. I felt like I wanted to do it that way because I wanted it to be like my raw, honest first impression thoughts. You know what I mean. So let's get into the situation and I will tell you what I would do.
Daijné:Okay, so the email is from Michelle and she says I would like to start off this email by saying I love your content so much. I like the information you put into the world and I'm so excited you are following your dreams as a white woman in America, I really loved your black history month episodes of the podcast. I feel like the people you talked about didn't get any attention and likely purposefully done. I have done more research on those specific people because I really wanted to learn more. I like how proud you are to be a black woman. It is truly inspiring. Thank you so much, Michelle. I really really appreciate that, like genuinely. I appreciate all of you being here so much. You guys have no idea how much this means to me. I truly am following my dreams right now and you guys are just making my dreams come true, and I'm so so grateful for all of you woman.
Daijné:I'm a 39 year old woman, I live in Ohio and I have a twin sister and half brother. Our father passed away and I would like to get a headstone made for him. Now, my brother is special needs and when we got the plot my stepmother, my dad's ex-wife we decided to dig it deeper so that my brother, David, could be buried with my father when he passes away. I thought it was a great idea and I was totally in support of it. That being said, I recently texted in a group with my brother and sister. I said I would like to plan a day to get together and take a look at pricing and options. I even offered to pay for it.
Daijné:I'm not rich by any means, but I want my dad to have a headstone. This is exactly how the conversation went, word for word, and I can back it up because I still have the text. I don't erase anything and it saved me many times. Text I don't erase anything and it saved me many times. Period. I am the exact same way, because when a bitch want to switch up, I can be like aht aht, that's not what you said. December 9th 2013 at 7: 52 am. Like, be serious, I am the same way. I am a big proponent in never deleting anything, because you never know when you're gonna need that shit again. It too has saved me many a time. Okay, so let's get into these texts.
Daijné:So Michelle says I really want to get dad a headstone. What do you guys think? I'll pay for it, but I'd want your input. Low end placement will be around 1500. Danielle responds and says I know David has been wanting to do this for a long time. I really love for him to have one, but I know David has a very specific idea of what he wants. I don't feel the need to give any input on it, but would be very happy for him to have one. Finally, michelle responds and says my one ask would be for it to say Danny Pierce. The price is just for basic gray.
Daijné:Danielle responds and says his birth name was Daniel. Why Danny? Michelle says he hated being called that. I think he'd prefer that. Danielle says then Daniel "danny Pierce would be a compromise, michelle pierce would be a compromise. Michelle says I thought you didn't care. Nobody called him daniel. He didn't introduce himself that way to anybody. Everyone in the family called him uncle danny or just danny. Danielle responds and says because daniel was his name given to him at birth, she capitalized birth. We didn't put danny pierce on his obituary.
Daijné:Then Michelle responds and says David, are you wanting to be buried with dad still, or with your wife? He's's not married, but he's been with a woman for like 20 years. That is something we never considered. David says I'll have to get back to you on that. Michelle says okay. David says because I still have to talk to Shaidale about it. I'm assuming that's who he's been with for 20 years. Michelle says because I'd like to get it by the end of the year, there is only room for one more, which would be you, David. I don't visit him when I'm in town because it's been 18 years and it's depressing to not have anything there. David says okay, but, like I said, I'll get back to you on that. Michelle says okay, do you think you could have that conversation sooner rather than later? David says I'm kind of low on money right now. So yeah, I'll talk to her about it today. Michelle says you don't have to pay for anything, I will take care of it. David says okay. Michelle says thank you. David says no problem.
Daijné:Danielle then says we've tried to have this conversation many times over 18 years and now all of a sudden we have to move so quick because you want it done. Michelle says I'm just tired of it not happening. We talked about it a couple years ago and then nothing happened at all. I offered to pay for it then too, just forget about it. Danielle says I'm just saying we all have lives and can't just jump. Dude, you have no idea what's going on in either of our lives. So to just be like, hey, yeah, let's do it right now is a little bit unreasonable. But it's been 18 years and also michelle said that she'd like to have it done by the end of the year. So it's not like she's saying we need to have it done like right now. She's just asking to have the conversation and actually get it done, which I completely understand because, again, it's been 18 years and so I feel like ample amount of time has been given to get the headstone. And also Michelle is offering to pay for it. So it's not like she's like asking them to cough up money last minute or by the end of the year or whatever. She's offering to pay for it. So Danielle just seems to be being difficult for the sake of being difficult. But let's keep reading.
Daijné:Michelle says you're acting like I'm saying tomorrow. I live in Toledo, moved there from Cleveland where my dad is buried and my siblings live and work two jobs. I would like to actually make something happen. I said by the end of the year, that's 10 months. I don't think that's unreasonable at all. David says I'm going to be buried on top of dad. End of discussion. Michelle says that's fine with me. So what kind of things are you wanting the stone to be like? Can you get together next Saturday, February 15th? David says I don't have the proper funds for anything right now.
Daijné:Michelle has said multiple times like she's not worried about the money. What is wrong with these people? Sorry, I don't mean to be like rude to your family members, but like I just feel like they're being difficult for no reason. Michelle says again you don't have to worry about money, Rachel, and I will take care of it. We would just be going to look and talk about ideas, not buying anything right now. David says well, my mom has the information. Michelle says information was given almost two decades ago. So then Michelle says all right, are you free on the 15th? We could go looking, okay? So now Michelle says that's where the group text ended, because her sister, danielle, texted her separately. So in the separate text messages. Danielle says you should have said something to Teresa stepmom.
Daijné:She already paid for David to be buried on top of dad. She had to put extra deep for that reason. Michelle says I don't think that was extra for that. If I remember correctly, danielle says it was. She paid for him to be extra deep and paid for david's spot on top of him. Michelle says if I remember right, they asked it was no extra charge because they were already digging.
Daijné:Danielle says when was the last time you talked to David? Michelle says he said he doesn't agree with my lifestyle, that he would have to think about things. So I haven't. He deleted me from facebook. I'm not going to force anyone to be a part of my life if they don't want to be. Danielle responds and says now, he didn't, he got rid of facebook altogether. Oh, I think she meant no like no, he didn't delete her, he got rid of facebook altogether. And then she says well, David is a bit different, and not talking to him than just randomly talking about a headstone for dad is a bit much for him. It's his headstone too.
Daijné:Michelle says I'm tired of waiting. It's coming on 18 years. We talk about it every couple of years and nothing happens. I'm willing to pay for the stone. I said that the last time we talked too. Danielle responds and says David wants to help with it and right now isn't a good time for him. It's not just about you. I wish he had one too, but think of how hard this is for him too, facing his own eventual death.
Daijné:I feel like no one is really thinking about Michelle's feelings either. Like she said earlier that she hasn't visited the grave site of her dad because it's depressing, since there's no headstone there. Like it just feels like it's like a 2v1. You know what I mean. And it doesn't need to be a 2v1, because Michelle again is offering to pay for the headstone and also she's just asking for their input and to get it done by the end of the year, because it's been 18 years. Like, I don't think that Michelle is asking for too much. Anyway, Michelle responds and says I get that, but it's been way too long. Man, I just want to get together to take a look and talk about options. I think after almost 18 years, that's more than reasonable. No decisions have to be made, but we can get ideas, look and discuss.
Daijné:And that may be true about him deleting it Facebook. But he deleted me long before that. Ricky, who was her half sister, same mom but different dad had asked me one day what his post was about. I went to look and he had deleted me. Danielle says I get all of that. He handles things differently. Let's be honest. You've taken me off Facebook how many times? So what Michelle says I know he does. That's not the point. Everyone deals with things differently. Danielle says yeah, but you are saying about him doing the same thing you did. Michelle says you're missing my point. He said he didn't delete me because he just went off Facebook. That's fine that he did that. I'm just saying he did it before he got off his all. Danielle says got it. I mean, yeah, that's different. If he's lying about it, then yeah, that's completely different. Michelle is saying yeah, I deleted you, but like I was honest about it, david lied and said that he didn't delete me, he just deleted facebook, but he did actually delete me. I feel like they're trying to derail the conversation, like why are we focused on the facebook thing when we're trying to talk about getting dad a headstone? You know what I mean? Like stupid argument. So that was the end of the conversation. Then Michelle says in her email now we haven't spoken a word about it but honestly, we just never talk.
Daijné:I'm what you call an lbl late blooming lesbian. I didn't figure it out until I was 35 and was crazy confused. My stepmother is a born-again christian. I'm not knocking religion, it's just for context, but I am more spiritual than anyone else and didn't want me to come out because she didn't want my brother to know. My brother is 25. I said I wasn't going to hide my life for the sake of her not wanting him to know.
Daijné:We don't speak since then. Also, my twin sister and I don't speak because her husband is a huge hunk of shit. He's extremely racist, homophobic, misogynistic and a huge supporter of trump the typical white hillbilly trash born and raised in west virginia mountains. I am not allowed around the kids only two of three are his with my fiance because he doesn't want the kids exposed to that, meaning the fact that she is a lesbian and my sister is complacent. That is a whole other messy story of their marriage and how they came to be. It's wild. You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Her and I have never been close for a number of reasons. Mainly, she is just a less obvious hunk of shit than her husband Always has her hand out. The world owes her everything and never does anything for anyone without expecting something in return, and I hate that about her. But anyway, you have a huge fan in Toledo.
Daijné:I love what you're doing and your passion. I really love watching your TikToks and so happy your Methany video came across my For you page. I laugh and watch it all the time. That is some of my best work, I will say. You are hilarious and I enjoy your laughs so much. Always looking forward to your new episodes and I wish you luck in everything you do. Hopefully I end up hearing my story and your take.
Daijné:I have an idea of what I'd like to do, but would love to hear what you have to say, even if you don't waste an episode on it. I would love to get an email back when you can get around to it. Take care and thank you for your time and consideration. Any questions, feel free to ask, as I am an open door, okay? So, Michelle, I feel like I did have questions until I got to the end of your email and then it all made sense to me because, as I was reading the whole email, I was like none of this combativeness makes sense. You're telling them that you'll pay for the tombstone. You're asking for it to be done by the end of the year, which it sounds like. You started this conversation in February, so that's 10 months more than than enough time. And speaking of more than enough time, it's been 18 years, and so I could not understand why they were being so combative. But then when you told me that you're a lesbian and your family is homophobic, it all made sense.
Daijné:Personally, I don't think that this has anything to do with the tombstone or with it just not being a good time or anything like that. I think that they just are homophobic and they don't like that you are a lesbian, so they don't want to work with you. First of all, I want to say that I am so proud of you for keeping your boundaries and standing up for yourself and cutting off whoever you needed to cut off in your journey of figuring out your sexuality and realizing that you are a lesbian, because that is not an easy thing to do. Like I said earlier in this episode, family can be your biggest supporter or your biggest hater, and unfortunately, it sounds like your family might be your biggest hater. I don't want to say that I understand how you feel, because everyone's feelings are different, but again, my siblings are my biggest haters, so I can I can relate to how you might feel.
Daijné:At the end of the day, I feel like no matter what you do, what you say, how you go about it, there's always going to be some sort of combativeness or excuse as to why it's not a good time, and genuinely I don't think that it has anything to do with the headstone or it not being a good time. It just sounds like your family does not want to work with you or hear you out or anything, which is complete bullshit, because you are trying to get a headstone for your father and that should trump everything. But the thing about people who are racist, homophobic, whatever they have so much hate in themselves. They're filled with so much hate that they have no space for logic or common sense or reasoning, and so I feel like, no matter what you do in the situation, they will always be combative.
Daijné:So if I were you, I would just do whatever the fuck I wanted to do. You've given them 18 years and 10 months because you said by the end of the year in your text messages, right? So you've given them ample amount of time to all come together and get your dad a headstone. So, honestly, what I would do in the situation, I would just go forward with my plans. If you wanna get your dad a headstone, give your dad a headstone Now. If you want to still kind of get their input because I can understand, you know, wanting to work with your family and different things like that because it is your dad's headstone so in a perfect world you guys would all come together and work together to get your dad a headstone.
Daijné:So if that's the route that you feel like you want to take, you could absolutely send them ideas, you could continue to reach out to them and at the end of the day, they continue to be combative. You tried. You know what I mean. You tried because my thing is like how long do they expect you to try? How long do they expect you to disregard your own feelings for the sake of theirs? Especially with your sister, she's just like oh, you can't expect us to to do it tomorrow. Whole time you didn't ask them to do it tomorrow, nor did you ask them to even pay for it. You offered to pay for it and it sounds like from your email you've offered several times to pay for it. So if this is how they're gonna be, if I were you I would just go ahead with my plans. And again, like I said, if you want to have them involved in it, or at least attempt to try to have them involved in it, you could send them ideas or, you know, continue to try to have that conversation, but unfortunately it does look like it's not going to go anywhere.
Daijné:Given the fact of what we saw in the text messages and the fact that it's been 18 years, I would just move forward with whatever you wanted to do. Honestly, it doesn't seem like they're going to want to work with you. From your sister's messages and how they've treated you ever since you've come out and just been open and honest about your sexuality, it just doesn't seem like they're the people that you can work with. And again, I honestly just feel like no matter what the conversation is because this conversation again is about your dad's heads done and doing something for your father but people who are racist, homophobic, etc. They are so filled with hate there is no reasoning with them, unfortunately, in in any sort of capacity. It doesn't matter what you're trying to accomplish, whether it be a world problem or something as simple as just getting a headstone for your father they're just not people that you can work with and, as unfortunate as it is, especially when it's family and you're trying to do something for your family and for your dad in a perfect world, you would be able to just agree on a headstone for your father, but unfortunately the world is not perfect and people are going to be people. People are going to people, unfortunately. So final answer if I were you, I would just move forward with what I wanted to do and, if you want to try to still get their input, send them updates and different things here and there, but I wouldn't put too much pressure on myself or hoping them to really get around to doing it, because I just feel like they would continue to be combative.
Daijné:So do what you got to do because at the end of the day, like I said, you get one life. You get one chance to live your life. You cannot live your life based off of other people, and I'm sure you want to visit your dad and memorialize his resting place and give him the tombstone that he deserves. So do your thing. It's been 18 years. You've given them 10 extra months. At this point, do what you gotta do. Hope that helps, gosh.
Daijné:It really makes me sad how big of a haters your family can be like. In a perfect world, everyone would have a great relationship with their family members, but family members are. I feel like some of the reason family members behave the way that they do is because they think like oh, we're family, I'm your sister, I'm your brother, like blah, blah, blah. But it's like, because you are my sister and my brother, you should have more respect for me and more grace and more kindness for me. But you have the least amount of respect and grace and kindness for me because you feel like at the end of the day, we're still blood related personally, to me, blood relation means nothing, because I couldn't decide who I was. Blood related to. That was forced upon me against my will, mind you right. So so for me, I don't care who you are. If you're blood related, if you're a lifelong friend, whatever. If you are not respectful of me and my life and my boundaries and just who I am as a person, cut the fuck off. I don't care, because again you get one fucking life, one life.
Daijné:You do not have to spend your life around people who do not respect who you are, especially if you were just living in your truth, and your truth isn't hurting anybody. Hating on someone who was just living in their truth is a choice. It's not a good choice, but it's a choice. And if that's the choice that you are making, then it is my choice to not be around you, because I don't have to be around you if all you're going to do is bring me negativity like. Be around the people who bring you peace. That is what life is all about, no matter who that is. And for the people who bring you peace, that is what life is all about, no matter who that is. And for the people who don't bring you peace if it's a family member, if it's a grandma, if it's a parent, whoever it is Cut them off, let them go, because the sooner you are able to let them go, that opens up space in your life For the people who will value you and treat you the way that you deserve to be treated, to come in as we end this week's episode, I hope that each and every one of you know you are deserving of love and peace and respect from the people who are in your life. You deserve to live in your truth again, as long as that's not harming anybody. You deserve to live in your truth peacefully, respectfully. And the second someone takes even a morsel of that piece away from you, let them go. Let them go live your life the way you want to live your life. Period, the end.
Daijné:Thank you, guys, so much for tuning into today's episode, Michelle. I hope that that was helpful. Thank you so much for your submission for a WWDD. I do not take it lightly that you guys want my advice or value my opinion. I'm really, really grateful for that and I hope that it was helpful and, honestly, go get your dad a tombstone.
Daijné:If you need any more advice or help or anything, feel free to reach out. My email is open and for anyone else who might want advice or has a WWDD, feel free to email me at thenapkininbetweenpodcast@ gmailcom. If you would like to remain anonymous, please put that somewhere in the email, preferably the header, because I don't read the submissions before the episode because I want to give my honest, real, raw reactions and advice to them. But if you do want to be anonymous, please put that somewhere in the email and I will keep your name and everything else out of it.
Daijné:Thank you guys. So much again for tuning in. I hope everyone is having a good day except for that orange drink lady, and I will talk to you in the next episode. Peace and love. Talk to you later. The Napkin in Between, hosted by Daijné Jones, produced by Daijné Jones, post-production by Daijné Jones, music by Sam Champagne and graphics by Isma Vidal. Don't forget to like and subscribe. See you next episode.