The Napkin In Between
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The Napkin In Between
I FINALLY DID THE BIG CHOP!!!!!
Have you ever wondered what would happen if you faced your biggest fear? That's exactly what I did when I finally shaved my head after years of anxiety and hesitation. What followed was nothing short of transformative.
Growing up as a Black woman, my relationship with my hair was complicated. I received compliments only when my natural 4C hair was braided, straightened, or permed - leading me to get chemical treatments every six weeks until my hairdresser refused to continue damaging my hair. When she suggested "the big chop," I couldn't imagine being bald. The idea terrified me.
After years of transition and still hiding behind protective styles, I found myself in a period of stagnant personal growth. Following what felt like divine signs - including a dream about having my head shaved and mysteriously encountering videos of bald women on social media - I finally made the appointment.
The moment the barber's razor touched my scalp, something magical happened. With each stroke, I could feel weights and shackles falling away. Standing before the mirror afterward, I experienced a profound liberation that words can barely describe. Everything clicked into place - how little hair actually matters and how much unnecessary pressure I had placed on myself because of it.
Being bald helped me realize that I am beautiful exactly as I am. My hair had been my way of conforming to society's beauty standards, and without it, I could clearly see how none of that matters. The only perception that truly counts is my own. I am powerful, strong, beautiful - exactly who I think I am.
Ready to embrace your authentic self? Join me on this journey of self-discovery and liberation. Check out my merch at shopdaijnebriell.com, and let me know if this episode inspires you to make a bold change in your own life!
Is this thing on? Hello, hello, uh-oh, another yapper with a mic. Hello everyone and welcome back to The Napkin In Between podcast. I am your host, Daijné Jones. Y'all, we're so back.
Daijné:Last week was so weird for me not having a podcast episode come out, like I don't know. I feel like I've gotten into this routine for the last couple of months of like filming a podcast episode, editing it, putting it up, you know, whatever, and I didn't have to do that last week and it's just been so weird. But I was fighting for my life last week and I just wasn't feeling well, so I didn't film a podcast episode. And it's crazy because, like, initially I thought it was allergies and I was like, oh, my god, my allergies are really bad right now. And then it just kept feeling worse and worse and worse and I was like, yeah, I don't think this is allergies. So I took the week off to, you know, take care of myself, and all that good shit. But I'm feeling so much better now and we're back. We're so back and I'm so excited to be back.
Daijné:Jumping right in with the peak of my week, I saw the "Sinners movie, which, if you haven't seen it yet, honestly, what are you doing with your life? Go see it. It is so good. I don't want to say any spoilers, because if people haven't seen it again, if you haven't seen it, what actually are you doing with your life? But I loved every single part of that movie. There were so many parts that I was just like yes, like no, no, 10 out of 10. Yes, some of my favorite parts, without saying too much and spoiling it Annie, love her, love her so bad.
Daijné:And I'm seeing people online talking about how they were confused, that she was the love interest and that she looked like their mom. And you guys are actually so close. That's just your mammification of heavy set, dark skinned black women. Yeah, hope that helps. In no fucking world Does that woman look like their mother, like. Can we please be so Fucking for real, your brain has just Been wired so when you see A heavy set, dark skinned black woman, you immediately think of her as a mammy. That's something that we all need to work on, cause there's just no way that y'all really Thought that that was their mom. They literally all look the same age. What are we talking about?
Daijné:Anyway, I loved her character so much and I love the way that the director portrayed her like number one. Nobody questioned her when she said shit in the movie. They were like okay. And I love that because listen to black women. Like we know what the fuck we're talking about. And it was so refreshing to see the other characters just be like okay, like you know she, she knows what she's talking about. We all just need to listen to her. It wasn't no type of back talk, like I just love that. They were all just like okay, what what she says? If she peeps this shit, then it must be correct. Loved that. I also loved the native americans in the movie.
Daijné:Again, I don't okay, there might be a spoiler, so if you haven't seen it, like skip ahead or something I don't know. But when they came to the house that remick had ran into for safety and they were like hey, like there's this man running around. He's not what he appears to be, and the white people didn't believe them. And then he peeped that klan hood and he said y'all got it, y'all got it. He was not doing too much, he was not trying to convince him of anything. He said I'm gonna tell y'all this one good time. And if y'all don't listen, that's on y'all.
Daijné:And I love that because, at the end of the day, there are people who are going to have to be left behind. Ok, we need to be a lot more Harriet Tubman and a lot less George Bush. Some people cannot go where we are going and they're stuck in wherever place they are, and we need to leave them where they are at. And I love that because, like, that's just the energy and the mode that I have been on recently. It's like I'm going to explain this to you one good time and if you don't get it, that is on you. You, that is your choice. So now you're gonna have to deal with the consequences of those choices. Like I, it don't. You don't even take all that talking. I'm not with all that talking anymore. Like, I'm gonna say this to you one time and if you don't get it, okay, that's. I'm gonna leave you where you at. You got it. That's all. I'm going to say this to you one time and if you don't get it, okay, that's. I'm going to leave you where you at. You got it. That's all I'm going to say.
Daijné:I don't want to say too much because I really don't want to spoil it, but there were so many other parts I loved about the movie. Sammy loved him, not for the reason that y'all love him, like a lot of y'all was freaked out. Michael B Jordan okay, wait, we have to talk about Michael B Jordan. His range as an actor is insane. The fact that he was playing two characters in this movie and they were both vastly different characters insane. He's just so good at his job and that just makes him so much hotter to me, like yeah, he's obviously a very attractive man, but the fact that you're just like good at your job and he just seems so charismatic and like down to earth, so hot, like he just great actor, loved him in the movie too.
Daijné:Hailee Steinfeld was also great. I had only ever seen her in pitch perfect. So her character in sinners and the character in pitch perfect two vastly different characters. Like she was like goofy, quirky and pitch perfect, but she also has some range as an actress, which I really really like. That was cool.
Daijné:And then I loved the comedic relief characters too, like Cornbread and Delta Slim, which Delta Slim is the same man who was in that interview with those white men who were like, oh, rappers can say the n-word, but when a white man says it like it's an issue. He is the man from the interview who was like, so, say it, like, say the words you want to say. And I didn't realize that until I got on tiktok. But I love him. I've loved him from that moment and he was just. I loved his comedic relief character in the movie as well, as well as cornbread he was. He was really, really good too. He's really funny. Um, it was just a good movie all around. It was a really really good movie.
Daijné:The message behind the movie it dove into a deeper topic that I fear a lot of people aren't ready for is that, like the christian faith that is studied is it was made by white people and it was made by white people to, in parts, justify their white supremacy and make people feel OK with slavery. And it's a conversation that y'all aren't ready for. So we're not going to get into it too deep. But yeah, anyways, just go watch the movie because it's a really good movie. But that was definitely the peak of my week was just watching that movie and I want to go see it again. I've seen it it once so far, but I feel like I need to see movies several times because, especially a movie like Sinners, like I know, there were so many parts in that movie that I probably missed um, so I do do want to go see it again and if you haven't seen it, definitely go see it, because it was a really good movie. I want to hear the peak of your week.
Daijné:Tell me me something that made you smile, kept you grounded, kept you sane in the chaos that is the world right now, segwaying into what I feel like has been truly the peak of my life. I am a bald baddie. I am one of your newest bald baddies. I have always known that at some point in my life I was going to go bald, but part of me was always afraid to do it. But now that I have finally done it and I am bald, I'm like kicking myself in the ass that I it took me so long to go bald Like this has been the most freeing thing. It's only been a week since I chopped all my hair off, but it has genuinely been the most freeing thing that I've ever done. Number one, the most freeing thing that I've ever done. But it was like instantaneous freedom. Like the second, I was bald like, not even fully bald, like just one strip of hair was gone. I immediately was like, oh, I have unlocked the greatest character that I could have ever unlocked. I have collected my last infinity stone. Like I am unstoppable at this point and I feel like at least for me personally I was always so afraid to go bald because I felt like I had a really big attachment to my hair which was very rooted in my own internalized anti-blackness and racism, and so that's the reason that I knew that eventually that I was always going to want to go bald, but like it was always such a scary thought for me and sadly I know that a lot of black women relate to that as well but truly, if you have ever considered going bald, if you have ever thought about doing the big chop, 10 out of 10 recommend this is truly the freest that I've ever felt in my entire life.
Daijné:So let's start from the very beginning and I've talked about this a little bit on the pod but growing up I had a very complicated relationship with my hair. It's not that my hair was ever demeaned, I mean, in some ways it was like I was called like nappy headed and different things like that. So I don't ever want to like knock that, because that is still a very negative way to speak about natural 4c hair. I just mean that it could have been much worse. Like I, I understand that the the ridicule that I got for my hair was very light, but as someone who grew up and my confidence was rooted in other people and their perceptions of me, I was only ever complimented on my hair when it was braided or straight or like when I eventually started getting permed. I got a lot of compliments on my hair. So, again, because my confidence was rooted in other people's perceptions of me and that was the only way that my hair was ever complimented like I was constantly wearing braids, constantly wearing sew-ins, constantly perming my hair, like I felt like that's what I needed to feel pretty.
Daijné:And so eventually, in 2019, and I've done an episode on this, if you haven't seen it yet, it's in my episode it's called what Radicalized Me, so I don't want to talk about it too much because this is a conversation that I've already had but in 2019, I eventually stopped getting perms. But leading up to 2019, I was getting perms every six weeks for like a year and a half. Like the end. Like thinking about that now. That's insane. Like that's the craziest thing in the world to me that I was putting so much pressure on myself from my own internalized racism and anti blackness that I was going to get perms every six weeks. Like every month and a half I was in the salon chair getting a perm.
Daijné:Needless to say, it fried my hair. Like my hair was so damaged and it got to the point where my hairdresser was like I'm not giving you any more perms and like that's when you know it's really bad. Like when your hairdresser the person that you're paying like that's how she makes money and she's like, yeah, I'm not doing this anymore, that's how you know it was bad. So she suggested back in 2019 that I do a big job, and I was like absolutely not, because I could not fathom me being bald. Like being bald was like truly one of the scariest things in the world to me, because I was so attached to my hair and I felt like I needed my hair to be pretty, and so I was like I'm not gonna do the big chop.
Daijné:Now again, I'm kicking myself in the ass because, like, just the freedom that has come with me cutting all of my hair off has just been like I can't even describe it, it's just the best feeling in the world. But at the time I was like, no, I'm not going to do a big chop. So I cut off most of my hair, but I still kept some of it, and so then I would go every so often and we would cut off a little bit, little bit by little. Um wasn't getting relaxers anymore and was cutting off and eventually all of my hair was just my natural hair and while that was a very freeing process, I still feel like deep down I always knew that eventually, like in order to be completely free, that I would want to or need to go completely bald eventually. But even so, like that process was still very freeing and I was able to learn you know how to better take care of my natural hair. And for the first time I felt like I was able to learn you know how to better take care of my natural hair and for the first time I felt like I was pretty with my natural hair.
Daijné:But I was still very much like in the shackles of my internalized racism and anti-blackness because, yes, I was wearing my natural hair more, but I was still getting braids a lot of the time, or wearing sew-ins or clip-ins or like just anything to like hide my natural hair like I was wearing it, but I was still very much hiding it. So I'm going through this process of, you know, trying to be more comfortable with my natural hair while simultaneously trying to hide it. And while my hair was doing better like it was, it was flourishing more, for sure, but the fact that I was still like adding, you know, these clip-ins or braids or whatever, I wasn't giving my hair enough of a break and so, because I wasn't giving it a break, it was very much still breaking off, like especially my edges. Um, I was still putting a lot of tension styles on my edges and different things like that. So I I noticed that my edges were like leaving it's, like they were like, okay, you're not gonna give us a break, then we're just gonna give ourselves a break and break the fuck off. You know what I mean. And so eventually I was like, okay, like I, I really do need to give myself a break.
Daijné:And that was by this time I was living in Atlanta and I thought about cutting all of my hair off, like going bald, but I was still like can't do that yet, like I just wasn't there. I wasn't there and so I started wearing my natural hair more of just like I would wear, like my afro or different things like that. And at that same time was when I was nannying Callie and also started posting on social media. I've talked about this. You know, posting on social media and nannying Callie were both things that really helped me to unlearn a lot of my anti-blackness and, um, internalized racism, like those two things were the things that really catapulted me into really unpacking my anti-blackness and internalized racism. And when I started to really unpack all of it, I realized that like 80% of it was in my hair. And then, after Atlanta I was when I moved to New York City and I met my roommate Teliea, who is one of my best friends now, but her and I would talk a lot about, you know, wanting to shave our hair off and going bald, and they were little conversations here and there, and then I would also also.
Daijné:So I was starting to try to do other styles other than like my afro, um, and I was trying to do like two strand twists and flat twists and different things like that. And when I would do the flat twist, which is what I noticed worked better for me. My hair is is very fine, um, and so the two strand twist just didn't work for me. Personally. I I found that on my hair the flat twist worked better. But I would do the flat twist and I was kind of subconsciously at first I didn't realize this, but subconsciously I was using this as a way to like get used to seeing myself with no hair, because, like when my hair was flat twisted, it was like completely like twisted down and I couldn't see my hair as much and I was. I could literally just see my face and I don't know how to explain it. I don't know if that really even makes sense, but it was just like a way for me to kind of get used to just seeing my face, but I would see myself like that. I'd be like wait, like this is kind of tea.
Daijné:And then I started doing styles on social media because like I just I can't do hair. I have watched so many YouTube videos, I have tried so many things and it's just like, it's just not a gift that I have and I feel like that's God's way of keeping me humble, like he knew if he gave me the gift of being able to do hair. It would very well be over for you bitches like like, y'all can't tell me shit now anyway, regardless, but y'all really couldn't tell me shit if I knew how to do hair. But I started doing my hair online because I wanted more tips and different things like that, and I would always get comments especially when my hair was flat twisted and I would be taking out my flat twist of people being like, oh, like, you should try a pixie cut, or I could see you being bald, or different things like that. And I'm not gonna lie, like that was kind of a confidence boost for me too. Like, okay, like, because I felt that way, but it's like, I don't know, it was just like it was a co-sign. You know what I mean. Like, okay, they see you too. And so, leading up to Saturday, when I decided to chop all of my hair off, I was thinking about it all week and that week I had also posted a video of me doing my hair, and so I was getting um comments of like, oh, like you should try pixie cut, or I could see you with a low fade.
Daijné:And Saturday morning, I was sitting in my living room and Teliea came into the kitchen and you know, we greeted each other like, hey, how are you doing whatever, whatever? And I said to her like I think I'm gonna make a really big change today. And she's like, what do you mean? And I was like like I think I'm gonna go bald. And she was like really, and like we had again we had talked about it before. But I was like, yeah, like I think I, I think I just want to cut all my hair off. And I had.
Daijné:I didn't think about it too much even that morning before, because I knew if I thought about it too much that I probably wasn't going to go through with it, like I would think myself out of it. You know how, like sometimes when you take a picture and it's like a good picture, but then you look at it too much and you find like insecurities within the photo. That's like the kind of logic that I feel like I have sometimes with decisions, like if I think about it too much, then I'll think myself out of it. But I mentioned it to her and she was like do it, like it's just hair, like it'll grow back. And so I was looking at different barbershops and I was like, okay, like I found one that I liked and I was like, maybe I'll go here to get my haircut off. And I I decided on this barbershop because, number one, it had good google reviews. But I was on their website and they also had photos of women like getting their haircut and their haircuts. And I was like, okay, and it was the only one, the only barbershop that I found that had photos of women or women in the comments being like I'm a woman and they cut my hair really well. So I was like, okay, we'll go to this one.
Daijné:So I had called them that morning, saturday morning, to see if I needed an appointment. And they didn't answer the phone. But I got like an immediate response like, oh, like, just text me. So I texted and I was like, hey, like I wanted to come in and get my hair cut, like do I need an appointment? Do you guys take walk-ins, like? And she responded and she was like you can do a walk-in, or if you want to do an appointment, you can do an appointment.
Daijné:And I had seen, like the reviews and I was specifically looking at the reviews from women and they were saying like, oh, I got my hair cut by Mario, like he's a great barber. Da, da, da, da da. So I texted her and I was like is Mario in today? Like I'd like to make an appointment with Mario. And she gave me Mario and another man's number, um, but I texted Mario and I was like hey, like I want to come in for a haircut. Like do you have any availability today? And he was like yeah, I have availability today. Like what are you looking for? And I responded and I said oh, I just want like a clean shave, like I want to go fully bald. And he was like okay, 3, 30, like just gave me a time and I slow down, like I need to prepare for this a little bit, um. And so I was like like I'm not available at that time, like can we do a little bit later? Like 7, 7, 30, and he was like okay, sounds good, so at this point it's like 12 in the afternoon, I think, somewhere around there. And so that gave me like seven hours to prepare. And so that gave me like seven hours to prepare.
Daijné:And so I came home after hanging out with my friends and I washed my hair and I was just like sitting with my thoughts and with myself and again, I was trying not to think about it too much because I knew if I thought about it I would think myself out of it. And so I was looking online and I was watching videos of black women doing big chops and like their hair going back because I'm not gonna lie. Like I was looking online and I was watching videos of black women doing big chops and like their hair growing back Because I'm not going to lie like I was scared. I was like how long is it going to take for me to grow my hair back? Like it was just I had a lot of thoughts running through my hair. My anxiety was at an all time high. The group chat was bumping and I was like mute in the group chat. Like I was just like I need to like not speak to anybody because I felt like if I said anything or talk too much, like I would just talk or think myself out of it. And I was trying really hard not to think myself out of it because I had asked for a sign. Oh wait, I let me go back a little bit because I completely forgot to. To put this part in there.
Daijné:I had been feeling for the last couple of months that my personal growth had become stagnant. Like in the past couple of years I've done a lot of work internally with, like, my emotional regulation, my communication skills, my own internalized racism and anti blackness, but for some reason I felt like I wasn't improving and so I would never say that I'm a Christian. But I definitely have a relationship with God and I pray and I talk to him, and you know, I was raised in the church, which is why I will never say I'm a Christian, because, anyway, that's a conversation for another day. Moral of the story I have a relationship with God and so I was laying in bed on Tuesday, the Tuesday before the Saturday that I got my haircut off and I. And so I was laying in bed on Tuesday, the Tuesday before the Saturday that I got my haircut off, and I was praying. I was saying to God, like you, you know, for the past couple of months, like I felt like I'm not really going anywhere. My, my personal growth feels stagnant. What do I need to do to get back on this journey of improving myself? Because I feel like personal growth is a lifelong journey, like there's always things that we need to be learning or unlearning to grow as people, and I felt like I wasn't doing that. So I prayed and I asked for a sign for what I needed to do to help kickstart my personal growth journey again.
Daijné:And that night I had a dream and I was in my childhood pastor's home. Now, again, like I just said, I was raised very heavily in the church, and while a lot of the people in the church are not seeing the pearly gates, my childhood pastor is exactly who God has called her to be. Like the people in the church that I grew up in, they may not be seeing the pearly gates, but they're. It's not because of her Like. She is exactly who God has intended her to be. And so I was in her house and I couldn't see like around me, but like my hair was being like shaved off.
Daijné:And I woke up the next morning and I was like surely that's not the sign. Like that's not, that's not what I'm being told that I need to do. Like I was, I was trying to like ignore the very clear sign that god was giving me. So I was on tiktok scrolling and I kept seeing videos of either women who were bald or women who were talking about their hair growth journey or different things like that. And again I was like, surely this is not, this can't be the sign. Because I was still.
Daijné:I was still very scared, even up until I was in the chair getting my head shaved. I was still terrified of being bald, and I knew that most of that fear just came from anti-blackness and internalized racism, but I was still scared nonetheless. Like two things can be true at once. You know what I mean. But eventually, like I just kept getting these signs all week and I was like, yeah, this is, this is God telling me that I need to go shave my head. And so, like I was saying earlier, I texted this, this barber and, you know, set the appointment. And so, after I got home from brunch with friends, I washed my. Like I was saying earlier, I texted this barber and, you know, set the appointment. And so, after I got home from brunch with friends, I washed my hair. I was sitting in my room and I was scrolling on social media. I was like watching different videos of women getting a big chop and trying to see how long it took their hair to grow back, because I was trying to gauge, like how long it would take me.
Daijné:Because, again, I was still very, very scared and I was like I don't know if I really want to do this. And so it gets to the time that you know it's time for me to go to the barber to get my haircut off. And as I'm walking to the barber, I can like feel my heart beating like in my ears, like I was just so, so nervous. And so I walked into the barber shop and there was a man who walked in behind me and I walk in and initially I don't say anything, I'm just kind of standing there because I'm like I don't really know what to do. I'm terrified. And so the man behind me is kind of looking at me like girl, are you going to say something? And I'm just standing there, like not saying anything. So he walks around me and he's like says to the workers they're like hey, I just need like a lineup and a trim or whatever.
Daijné:And the guy's like, okay, like go to him. Like you know he can help you. And then he looks at me and he's like hey, like can I help you? Because I'm still standing there. I haven't said a single word since I walked in. So they're all looking at me like girl, are you okay, like, can we help you? And so I said to him Mario, like your 730 is here, and Mario's looking at me. He's like oh, and he like goes to tell the guy to like he has to move because he didn't have an appointment. But I was like, no, it's okay, like, take care of him first.
Daijné:Because, number one, I still needed a little more time and number two, more importantly, I wanted to see how he cut his hair, cause if he would have fucked his shit up, I would have been like nevermind, I don't want, I don't want this anymore. Um, so I let him go first. And he, he does a fine job. He takes him like 10 minutes. So I was like, okay, I guess it's my turn now.
Daijné:And so I sit in the chair and he's like you're the clean shave? And I was like yeah. And so he looks at me and he's like okay, like, show me pictures of what you want. And so I had already had pictures queued up, because I was looking at videos and pictures like before I got to the shop. And so I showed him pictures of just like bald black women and I was like this, like this is what I, I want.
Daijné:And so he's like okay, so he starts getting everything ready, whatever, whatever, and he just immediately starts shaving my head. And I love, I love that he didn't ask me too many questions, because if he would have kept asking me too many questions and not have just done it, I probably would have just been like never mind, like I would have thought about it too much. But he immediately just starts shaving my head and, like I said, the second he started shaving and then with every stroke of the razor after it was like I could feel the weights and the shackles just like falling off of me. It was the most freeing feeling in the entire world and he's shaving my head. We're not having any conversation, I'm just kind of sitting there and he's just shaving my head and it was just like. I wish I could describe it, but it's truly like. It was like an indescribable feeling. But, like with every every shave, it was just like the less anyone's expectations or anyone's feelings, or anyone's just like the less anyone's expectations or anyone's feelings or anyone's like it just it didn't matter anymore, it just didn't matter to me. And so he shaves my head. Um, I pay him it was literally 25 to get my head shaved, like men have it so easy.
Daijné:Anyway, conversation for another day. So I pay him and then I go to leave the shop and it is pouring down rain like nasty puddles everywhere, because the sewage draining in in New York City is terrible. But anyway, pouring down rain like the nastiest puddles everywhere and I just felt so much joy, like I had the biggest smile on my face. There's people rushing around like grunting, angry because of the rain and I was just so fucking happy, like biggest smile on my face, like the dumb grin. You know what I mean. And so I get home and I just look at myself in the mirror. I'm standing in front of the mirror and I am just like.
Daijné:I wish that I had better words to explain it, but I just felt a joy that I have never felt in my entire life, a freedom that I have never felt in my entire life. Like and like I said, it was like an instantaneous joy and freedom. Like the second my hair was gone. It was just like I'm free, like that. I don't know how that's the best way I can explain it, it's just, I just felt so free and it was just like truly everything just like clicked for me, like it all made sense just how little hair matters and and I put so much pressure and weight on myself because of my hair Like it was the thing that mattered more to me than anything. And once it was gone, I was finally able to see just how ridiculous that is and just how little it mattered.
Daijné:Like your hair does not define your beauty. Nothing really does. The only thing that really matters is how you view yourself and how you perceive yourself, and I think that that's why it was so freeing to me, because I put so much of the perception of other people into my hair. Just because of that's where a lot of my internalized racism and anti-blackness was, and that's how I felt pretty in quotes in society was when my hair was straight or covered up or whatever. And once it was just like I I don't have that to fall back on anymore. It was like an instant click, that like I never needed that to fall back on in the first place you know what I mean Like I am beautiful and exactly who I think I am, with or without hair, and that's what I feel like it was. For me was my hair was the way that I conformed to society's standards of beauty. And again, that was rooted in anti-blackness and racism, and once it was gone, it was just clear to me that it didn't matter, like none of it matters, and it also made me think about how stupid racism is.
Daijné:Like this is my natural self. This is how I was born. This is the hair that grows out of my head, the features that I was born with. Why does that bother you? Why do you care? Why do you hold that to such a high regard? Like this is what I was born with. You know what I mean. Like I feel, like it's what I'm saying. I don't know how to word it in a way that it'll make sense, and maybe that's why I can't find the words for it, because it doesn't make sense. Right, like this is. This is who I am. Why are you mad about who I am? How does me being me affect your life in any way? You know what I mean.
Daijné:And the second I shaved all my hair off. It all just clicked and I feel like once that really clicks for you is the most freeing thing in the world and genuinely none of it matters. No one else's perceptions matter. The only one that matters is my own, and to me. I am exactly who I think I am. I am that girl. I am powerful, I am strong, I am beautiful, like I am exactly who I think I am and that is genuinely all that matters and that's all that should matter, and that is like just the most freeing thing in the world. And, like I said, there are so many black women who I know can relate to what I'm saying, which is so incredibly unfortunate, and I just want y'all to know, like none of it matters. It literally none of it matters. It literally none of it matters. The only thing that matters is how you view yourself and as long as you know exactly who you are, that is all that matters. Period, the end. Like.
Daijné:So I say all this to say I truly have never felt more beautiful or more free in my entire life than I feel right now. And that's just like a crazy thing for me to even think, because, again, being bald was like one of my biggest fears. It was something that I always knew, that I kind of wanted to do, but never really thought that I would ever get to this place where I would actually do it. And now that I've done it, I'm just like why did I waste so much time being afraid. You know what I mean. Like fear is the thing that I feel like holds a lot of people back from doing things that they want to do, and you truly never know how something will turn out until you do it. And something as little as hair like it's hair it'll grow back. If it doesn't grow back, you can get a wig like you know what I mean like it's just something that doesn't matter so much. So the fact that I put so much pressure on myself and on it is like it feels silly to me now, but I'm just happy that I I did it and I don't know what the future holds with my hair.
Daijné:Like, like, people keep asking me like, am I going to be bald forever? Am I going to let my hair grow out? At the moment, I am letting it grow out, um, but I mean, we'll see what happens. I think that it feels like for me, like as my hair grows, it'll help me grow more personally and work on myself, and I can also learn my natural hair from scratch. You know what I mean. Like, yes, again, it was really helpful for me to cut off little by little and and get to my natural hair that way. But I feel like this, like not only am I gonna grow personally, like, but like obviously my hair is gonna grow too and I can grow and hopefully, fingers crossed, one day learning how to do hair, because, oh, it's the second I learn how to do hair. I swear it's over for you, bitches.
Daijné:I'm just really excited and happy to see where this journey takes me. And if you needed a sign to do the big job, girl, do it like literally it does not matter. And even if you cut your hair off and it ends up being something that you don't like, it'll grow back and in the meantime, you could just wear wigs or you know whatever. Like there's other things that you could do. So I'm I'm really happy again. I feel like I've collected my last infinity stone, like I am the most powerful person in the world right now. Like that's how I feel and I'm just really excited for this journey. And, of course, I'm excited to bring you guys along with me too.
Daijné:And yeah, I just, if you needed a sign to cut all your hair off, just do it. It like it literally does not matter, it truly is hair. It'll grow back, everything will be fine and again, I know like that's easier said than done, because up until the point where I was in that chair, I was my anxiety was at an all time high. But now, being on the other side of it, like it doesn't matter, it'll grow back and everything will be OK. And not only will it grow back, but it also gives you the opportunity to grow with it as a person. You know what I mean Like personally, and that's what life is about. It's just like growing and constantly evolving and being a better person. So if you needed a sign to cut all your hair off, this is it. It's just, it's truly just the freest I've ever felt in my entire life and I'm just really excited to see where this journey goes. So thank you guys for tuning into today's episode. Shameless plug.
Daijné:Also, I'm wearing my merch. If you would like to get some merch, I have baby tees, hoodies, sweatshirts and so much more over at shopdationabrielcom so you can check that out there. I'm also working on different designs for merch, so those will be available. I don't want to say soon, but in the future those will be available. So keep a lookout on the website. I hope everyone is having a good day, except for that orange drink, lady, and I will talk to you in the next episode. Peace and love. Talk to you later. The Napkin in Between, hosted by Daijné Jones, produced by Daijné Jones, post-production by Daijné Jones, music by Sam Champagne and graphics by Isma Vidal. Don't forget to like and subscribe. See you next episode.