The Napkin In Between

PROTECT BLACK WOMEN!!!!!!!

• Daijné Jones • Season 1 • Episode 21

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Strength looks different for every survivor. When Cassie took the stand to testify against Diddy, when Halle Bailey sought a restraining order against DDG, when Megan Thee Stallion refused to be silenced—they showed us courage in action while facing relentless victim-blaming.

Why do we ask "Why didn't she leave?" instead of "Why was he violent?" The answer reveals our society's persistent tendency to hold everyone accountable for a man's violence except the man himself. Drawing from personal experience with psychological abuse, I share a frightening moment when an ex threatened suicide to prevent me from ending our relationship. The truth? Until you've been trapped in the fog of manipulation where your own reality becomes questionable, you cannot know what choices you would make.

Those who publicly blame victims aren't just hurting celebrities they'll never meet. They're sending clear messages to the one in four women and one in nine men in their actual lives who have experienced intimate partner violence: "I am not safe to confide in." Our words have consequences beyond our screens.

The contrast becomes even starker when examining cases like Adriana Smith's—a brain-dead pregnant woman in Georgia kept on life support against her family's wishes due to restrictive abortion laws. We're witnessing real-life scenarios that mirror dystopian fiction, where women's bodies become vessels, their autonomy sacrificed on the altar of control.

This episode celebrates women's resilience while acknowledging how exhausting the fight continues to be. For anyone reliving their trauma through these public cases, remember that how you navigated your situation was valid. You survived, and that alone is victory.


Speaker 1:

Is this thing on Hello hello? Uh oh, another yapper with a mic. Hello everyone and welcome back to the Napkin Inbetween podcast. I am your host, dejanae Jones. I hope everyone has been having a good week, except for that orange drink lady, of course.

Speaker 1:

I feel like this past week has been such a win for women but at the same time, extremely, extremely, extremely draining, with everything going on right now with the Diddy Trial and Cassie testifying, halle Bailey and Diddy G, megan Thee Stallion, chris Brown, tori Lane like there's just so much going on right now that in a sense, feels like a win for women. But at the same time, there's just so much going on right now that in a sense, feels like a win for women but at the same time, it's just so draining to see the mixed response to all of this, because the fact that there even is a mixed response is fucking crazy. So let's start on the good side. Of course, this has been. The peak of my week is just seeing the strength that these women have displayed in this past week. The strength that these women have displayed in this past week, first with cassie and having to testify in the trial against diddy, having to relive years and years and years of trauma is one of the hardest things that a person can do. Even if you've done the work to heal from that trauma, having to go back and retell the story can be insanely re-traumatizing. So for her to get up there and testify against him and tell her side and and finally be able to let go of that, yes, it can be very healing, but it can also be extremely re-traumatizing as well. So, just like the strength that it takes is something that I feel like we need to commend and we need to realize like that's that's a hard thing to do. So the fact that she's doing that eight months pregnant, no less is just an insane thing, and I hope that that has been more healing for her than it has been anything else, because not only is she having to relive all of this and be in the courtroom with her abuser, but again the fact that there's such a mixed response and that she's receiving any sort of backlash for being strong enough to come forward and finally tell her story, like I can't imagine, especially on such a wide scope.

Speaker 1:

Diddy is a very powerful man and, just like the people who are defending him or coming at Cassie like I, just I can't imagine having to one relive all of this and then to receive backlash from people online who feel like victim blaming is okay, like I'm so sick of seeing people like oh well, why didn't she leave? Why didn't she come out sooner? Why didn't she this? Why didn't she that? How about? Why didn't he do this shit that he fucking did? Why did he put her through all this? Why was he abusive? Why did he make her participate in freak offs? Can we, can we, focus on that? The why didn't she leave? Why didn't she do anything?

Speaker 1:

Crowd is fucking crazy, especially given the fact that we know, because we saw from the hotel footage, what happened. When she did try to leave, that man chased her down, grabbed her by her neck, threw her to the ground, kicked her and drug her back by her hair. Like hello, people are like why didn't she try to leave? She did, and he drug her back by her hair. Or when she jumped out of a car and he instructed one of his bodyguards to chase her down and bring her back, like and that's only two instances that I am aware of where she talks about when she did try to leave, where she was hunted down and brought back like this man is wild. She just testified that when she was dating kid cuddy, he was angry and told her I'm gonna blow up his car. And then Kid Cudi's car blew up, like he is an extremely or was an extremely powerful man who had so much control over her, not even just like romantically, because they were in a romantic relationship, but before that even started he was her boss, right, like she had signed a 10 album contract with this man. A 10 album contract is fucking crazy. I just looked because I wanted to see roughly how long that would be. So I just looked at Beyonce's discography and I counted 10 albums. From 2003 to 2019, beyonce released 10 albums, so that's 16 years. She signed roughly because, like, nobody's working like Beyonce, but I just I used Beyonce for reference, but she signed roughly a 16 year contract, probably more.

Speaker 1:

She was young and impressionable. She was 19 when they started dating, right, he was 36, full stop, right, fucking there as a 36 year old man. What the fuck are you doing with a 19 year old? We're gonna act like he wasn't preying on her, both in the career space and romantically. Please be so, fucking for real. Her brain isn't even fully developed at 19.

Speaker 1:

This is a very clear Case of grooming. He groomed her in multiple ways because he, I feel like he knew exactly what the fuck he was doing. He knew exactly what the fuck he was doing. He wanted to control as much of her as he could so that she would do whatever he said to do. There's no way you could convince me otherwise. Signing a 10 album contract and then getting into a romantic relationship when you're 36 and she's 19, lock him away and throw away the fucking key. I want him under the jail. But to see people victim blame her and question oh, why didn't she leave? Why didn't she this? Why didn't she that?

Speaker 1:

Ho, you can't even tell your fucking hairstylist that they fucked up your hair. You go in for a fucking trim. They give you a fuck-ass bob. You tell them that you love it. You go home, cry and make a tiktok about it Like you. Go to the nail salon. The nail lady pulls out that one power tool you know exactly which one I'm talking about and she nicks your finger. You're sitting there bleeding and you smile on that woman's face and tell her you're fine.

Speaker 1:

You go to a restaurant. The kitchen fucks up your order. You sit there disgruntled, eat the entire thing and then you take it out on the waiter or waitress by giving them a bad tip. You know what I mean. Like you have a coughing fit in public and you feel like you're drawing too much attention to yourself. So you sit there with the cough lodged in your fucking throat, face red veins popping out of your fucking temple. You'll sit there and fight for your life rather than just cough like people don't realize. People pleasing comes so naturally that you do it in instances that are minor, minor inconveniences.

Speaker 1:

You'll, people, please, you won't speak up, but you're telling me that you would have spoken up against diddy, a powerful, powerful man. Let me find it real quick. Like I'm getting pissed off because I need y'all to be so fucking for real and shut the entire fuck up. And then what's killing me? Y'all will be like oh, she should have left, she should have spoke up, she should have called the police. Halle Bailey is doing that right now Went to the authorities because she says that DDG was physically abusing her, got a restraining order and y'all are bashing her as well.

Speaker 1:

Like nothing a woman does in a violent situation is ever good enough for y'all. Let's take Megan Thee Stallion, for example as well, shot on the foot by Tory Lanez. She didn't even press fucking charges. The state of California press charges, but y'all have not let her breathe a fucking day because the state of california press charges on that man because he was a felon with a gun and shot a woman with said gun. And y'all are blaming megan the stallion.

Speaker 1:

Oh, she lied. You bitches lie about fucking men too. I don't give a fuck. That's not against the fucking law. She didn't lie when it mattered. Which was on the stand. Okay, god forbid. A woman doesn't want to claim a body. Y'all be talking about some. Oh, she lied, she lied. She lied. So did your mother. That's why she had to get a dna test to find out who your father was. Can we be for real? It's just so fucking disgusting how everyone is held accountable for a man's violence other than the man. Why didn't she do this? Why didn't she do that? Why was he not violent? Period, full stop, the end. The issue with violence is the person who is perpetuating that. Why was he not violent? Period, full stop, the end. The issue with violence is the person who is perpetuating that violence. You have no idea what you would do in a violent situation and when someone has control over your mind whether they've gaslit you, groomed you, whatever that is extremely hard to break out of.

Speaker 1:

I was in a relationship with my ex for six months. This man was a class, a narcissist. The way that he would gaslight me or make me question my own reality, it was like he went to school for it. It was like the craziest thing, like there were times where I would literally question my own sanity or what I knew for a fact happened. I would question it because he was so good at twisting it to where I would be like, wait, did that happen? Or do what I remember happened.

Speaker 1:

But there were several times that I tried to leave that relationship because, statistically speaking, it takes a woman about seven times trying before she can successfully lead an abusive relationship. But I can remember the scariest time that I tried to end the relationship and I want to add a trigger warning because there's mention of suicide. So please, if you need to skip forward, please do so. But I tried to end the relationship several times and I remember the scariest time where I tried to end the relationship. We were fighting and you know I texted him and I was just like you know, this isn't healthy. We're constantly fighting. I just think that it would be better for both of us if we just ended the relationship.

Speaker 1:

He starts calling me incessantly, like over FaceTime and calling my phone and video calling on Instagram, just like calling and calling and calling. And I'm trying to ignore all of it. I don't want to answer because I didn't want to talk to him. It was just not healthy. I was, it was just not healthy. But it keeps calling me, calling me, calling me calling me, and I was like, ok, I'm just going to answer this one FaceTime call immediately, tell him it's over and hang up the phone.

Speaker 1:

And I remember I answered the FaceTime call and he was laying down with a belt around his neck and he told me that if I ended the FaceTime call, that he was going to unalive himself. And the belt was like tied around his neck, like he's like laying there with a belt around his neck and I am terrified. I'm sitting there and I'm like, holy shit, like I felt like if he did kill himself, like it was my fault, um, and so we're on the phone and I'm afraid to hang up and and we're talking and anytime I said something that he didn't. Like he would like make the belt around his neck a little bit tighter because I was trying to like gentle parent, my way out of this relationship. Like you know, I'm saying anything like it's not you with me. Like I just feel like I need to be by myself right now and anytime I would like hint at wanting to end the relationship. He would like tighten the belt around his neck, like and that's why I feel like people don't understand is like you can try to end it, you can try to leave, you can try whatever, but like if they don't want you to leave, they will do everything that they can think of or everything in their power to make you stay.

Speaker 1:

And mind you, like, in this relationship that I was in, all he had was a psychological which I'm not saying I don't want to say like all he had. But like in the case with, like Cassie and Diddy, he like controlled her entire life, he was her boss. They were in a romantic relationship. You know what I mean. We were just in a romantic relationship and I still struggled for six months to leave because I felt every time I would try to leave, he would do something. You know, like he would threaten suicide or he would, you know, make me think that the best thing to do was to stay in the relationship. And it's just scary, it's so scary to think about, like it is insanely hard. Until you're in that relationship or you're in that situation, you have no idea what you would do.

Speaker 1:

Like I said, in the relationship that I was in, it was like a psychological hold, like other than the romantic feelings that I had for this man, like he had nothing on me. Right, I have a master's degree, this man has a birth certificate. If we ever got into an argument over text, I'm a very fast texter, just normally. But when I'm upset, like my thumbs move a mile a minute, he would tell me oh, you have to slow down, I can't read that fast. Like, admitting this all now is crazy. Like, oh my god, this is so embarrassing. But I say all this to say until you're in that situation, you have no idea what you would do and it is extremely hard to get out of that situation. Once you're mentally in that situation, and then take into account the added layer that he was her boss and she was in this contract with him and he could blackball her in the industry like it is not as easy as y'all are trying to make it just to like get up and leave, especially taking all this into account. And also, she did try to leave and he hunted her down.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, it has been the peak of my week to see just her strength and the strength of Halle Bailey and also Megan Thee Stallion, I, her guardian angels. I need to know the exact prayer she prays. I need her to write it down, put it in an ebook, put it in a verse, I don't know, put it somewhere and hand it here, because Megan Thee Stallion's guardian angels do not play about her. Chris Brown posted free Tori on his story and hours later that man was arrested like the story was still up, and that man was in cuffs.

Speaker 1:

And I I love that for her. I love the hedge of protection that is over her and I need that. I need that real bad. I just love women and I love the strength of women and I love seeing them fight back in a way that is healing for them and reclaiming for them. And I I just love women. I love women and, in case there was any discrepancy, this is a pro Cassie, pro Hallie, pro Megan, anti JLo account? All of my accounts? Are these things just just throwing that out there? I just love seeing women reclaim their energy and reclaim themselves and just say fuck you to these men who do this shit, and I love seeing men held accountable, and I hope that justice is served in every situation like this and to anyone who feels as though they're kind of reliving their own trauma through this as well, because I feel like when one of us is hurting, all of us are hurting.

Speaker 1:

You know what I mean if you've ever been in an abusive relationship, whether that be physical abuse or emotional abuse, because people also don't realize the strength of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. Just because you can't physically see the scars does not mean that they are not there. So for anyone who feels like they might be having to relive their own trauma through all of this, I hope that you are all safe. I hope that you have a support system. I hope that you know that it was never your fault. However, you decided to navigate this very scary and abusive situation. If any of you ever need to talk my DMs, my email, my everything is always open. Please reach out to me, not to get all high school musical on you, but we are all in this together and a win for one of us is a win for all of us, in the very same way that a victim blame for one of us is a victim blame for all of us.

Speaker 1:

And I want people who are victim blaming any of these women to also know you are showing the people in your real life just how much of a safe space you aren't right. You think that you know you're spewing this at cassie or hallie or megan or whatever, but the people in your real life also see this and are also like damn, like you might not realize it, but the real people you're hurting are the people in your real life. You might be spewing it at cassie, hallie, megan, whoever chances are. They probably aren't going to see your exact message, but the people in your real life absolutely will. So let's just keep that in mind as well. You're actively showing the women or the men in your real life, because one in four women and one in nine men experience this at some point in their lives. You are showing them that you are not a safe space, even if you feel like you don't know anyone who's experienced it. I promise you you do, and they are seeing exactly how you are responding to all of these situations. I hope that y'all will keep that in mind and I hope that you will understand.

Speaker 1:

Psychological and physical abuse is very real. It is an extremely difficult situation to get out of and to finally come to terms with and leave, and it's just like I just need more people to really understand that and hopefully you will do the work and you will. That was kind of long and kind of all over the place, but that has been the peak of my week is just seeing the strength of women and seeing women come together. Thankfully, I've realized, too, that I'm surrounding myself with great people, because everyone that I've talked about personally or my mutuals online, my friends online like they're all on the right side of all of this, and so that's just like healing and validating for me that the people that I'm surrounding myself with are good people. So, anyway, that's been the peak of my week. Please tell me the peak of your week something that made you smile, kept you grounded, kept you sane in the peak of my week. Please tell me the peak of your week something that made you smile, kept you grounded, kept you sane in the chaos of the world, while I do feel like this past week has been a win for women, the Lord works hard, but the US government, it, works harder.

Speaker 1:

We are living an actual episode of the Handmaid's Tale in real life right now. There's this woman. Her name is Adriana Smith and she went to the hospital back in February because she was having headaches. They gave her medication and they sent her home. The next day, her boyfriend woke up to her gasping for air and he called the police. She was rushed to the hospital. They found that she has multiple blood clots in her brain and she was declared brain dead. However, she's nine weeks pregnant or she was nine weeks pregnant back in February when this all started and so, since she was pregnant, they are keeping her on a ventilator so that she can be an incubator for the baby. That's essentially what they're doing to her right now. She is an incubator for this baby, who was nine weeks when this process started. So clump of cells, not viable heartbeat, sure, but cannot survive on its own. At nine weeks, okay, but because of Georgia's abortion law, which is known as the heartbeat law, an abortion is illegal after a heartbeat can be detected, which is around six weeks. So she was declared brain dead, which is legally dead. If you're brain dead, doctors can't do anything to bring you back. So she was declared dead when she was nine weeks pregnant.

Speaker 1:

She is now currently 21 weeks pregnant and they plan to keep her on the ventilator until the baby reaches a stage where it can be safely delivered I say in quotes, which is 32 weeks. So at this point she has been on this ventilator for longer than she was ever even pregnant and they're going to keep her on it against her family's wishes. And also her family has to pay for this medical treatment, which they are against. They have said they do not want her to be on this ventilator, but they plan to keep her on this ventilator for at least another 11 weeks until they feel like they can safely deliver the baby. Mind you, the baby has fluid on its brain, so high chance that the baby won't even survive. But they refuse to take her off of this ventilator because of the abortion laws. What the fuck is happening? We are literally living in an episode of the Handmaid's Tale. There is literally an episode of the Handmaid's Tale where one of the handmaids is dead and they keep her on a ventilator because she is pregnant and they want to deliver the baby on a ventilator because she is pregnant and they want to deliver the baby.

Speaker 1:

I am sick to my stomach because again her mom has said the family has no choice in this. The doctors have told her mom she's not allowed to make medical decisions for her and they plan to keep her on this ventilator until they can deliver this baby while at the same time charging the family. They're not allowed to make medical decisions, but they have to pay for said medical decisions. What are we even talking about? And partially I understand the doctor's hesitancy because with these abortion laws like they're fucking ridiculous. They could be charged criminally, they could lose their jobs, they could lose their license to practice medicine, like. So I can understand, like their hesitancy or their want to to do this because like there's so much of a gray area, but at the same time I feel like this isn't a gray area, like if a woman is pregnant and she gets into a car accident and she dies, that's not her having an abortion. Like she died and her baby died, like you know. You see what I'm saying.

Speaker 1:

So it's like adriana went to the doctor because she was having headaches, they gave her medicine, sent her home. She went because she was having trouble, she was having terrible headaches, and they didn't look or didn't do I don't. I don't know the the specifics, but they didn't do anything to really help her. They gave her medicine and sent her home. The next day she's gasping for air. So her boyfriend calls 9-1-1. They find she has blood clots and now she has to be kept alive because the first hospital didn't do what they were supposed to do and didn't do enough investigating to figure out why she was having these terrible headaches.

Speaker 1:

Like legally, I don't see how this can be considered an abortion and even lawyers and people in the legal field have said, like this is not an abortion. So it's like I I'm not understanding the discrepancy at the same time, like, yes, I can understand the doctor discrepancy. At the same time, like, yes, I can understand the doctor's hesitancy, but at the same time, I can't Because this there's no way that this can be considered an abortion and I need someone in the legal field to like step in and do something. This is like inhumane. This is inhumane to keep this woman alive just to deliver the baby, baby, and then the baby might not even survive because the baby has fluid on its brain and the baby could be blind or not be able to walk. And then and then, even if the baby is able to be successfully delivered and it lives, they're not gonna give a fuck about that baby once it's here.

Speaker 1:

No universal health care, no free lunch, school shootings out of the fucking wazoo, like why does a fetus have more of a right to life and protection than actual living, walking human beings? Pro-life, my fucking ass. You only give a fuck about fetuses when they're not even. That's not a life. What the fuck are we talking about? This poor woman? This is so inhumane for her, for her family, for her son, to see her in this situation, in this position, because they would rather make her an incubator than actually give a fuck about her for a fucking fetus, bro I. This is not real. Real. This is ridiculous and I need somebody to do something. Because what the fuck? I just don't even understand how this was able to go on for so long.

Speaker 1:

This whole thing started when she was nine weeks pregnant. She's currently 21 weeks pregnant. She's been on a ventilator, she's been an incubator for the majority of her pregnancy at this point and will continue to be so for 11 weeks, and nobody in that hospital is thinking hmm, you know, maybe we shouldn't be doing this. There's just no way that this can be considered an abortion, and this is why we need federal protection of abortion rights, because let roles be reversed and the law is now men have to get mandatory vasectomies. That shit would never fucking fly. It's it was never about being pro-life.

Speaker 1:

It is literally their weird, demonic, vile obsession with controlling women's bodies, with controlling women, period. Honestly, we see this in every situation, from Cassie to Halle to Megan to Adriana. Like, what is the obsession with wanting to control women? Holy fuck, are y'all okay? The world would be so much better if y'all would just leave us the fuck alone. Have y'all ever considered just leaving us the fuck alone? And then? This is why I cannot be friends with people who are like oh, we can agree to disagree. Yes, I'm a trump supporter, but fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you I. This is my life on the line, this is other women's lives on the line, and you guys want to tell me oh, but he's great for the economy did. Shut the fuck up, immediately. Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1:

All of this is just making me insanely sick to my stomach and I'm so worried for the safety of women, especially women in red states, because this could happen to anyone. You know know what I mean. Like pregnancy is beautiful, a beautiful thing, but it's also an extremely scary thing and you never know what could happen. And with these laws and them caring more about fetuses than actual living breathing women, like it's just like it makes me sick to my stomach and I don't understand how this can even be happening right now. Like this is something straight out of a dystopian TV show and we're seeing this in real fucking light. I'm just sick to my stomach and I need someone to step in and do something. I don't know who, but someone has to do something. This is, this, is inhumane and I fear that if it happens in one situation this, this is gonna, this can spiral real quickly and real aggressively and get way out of hand. Like we've already seen a couple cases of women who have died because of these abortion laws. And now we're seeing a woman they won't even let her rest in peace because of these abortion laws and like I'm just like sick to my stomach and then they wonder why women don't want to have kids, first of all, in this fucking economy hell. No. Second of all, in this fucking political climate hell, fucking. No, absolutely not.

Speaker 1:

I just hope that all women are taking necessary precautions to protect themselves, and it shouldn't even be that we have to take precautions. It should just be that men shouldn't be violent towards us and the government shouldn't be controlling our fucking bodies. But I just hope that everyone is protecting themselves. Do whatever you have to do, because it's it's just really crazy. Out here. There's really no safe space for women, especially black women, and it just makes me sick to my stomach. Do whatever you have to do to protect yourself. Keep that thing on you and keep that other thing out of you, if you know, if you know what I mean, because this shit is just crazy. I hope that everyone is staying safe. I'm sending so much love and prayers to cassie, hallie, megan, all women in violent situations. I am praying and hoping that something is done with Adriana and she is able to rest. I'm praying for her family strength. This is just. The world is just so fucking crazy. It's just so much going on, and I'm just hoping for justice for all of us.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for tuning into today's episode. Stay safe, have a good week and I will talk to you in the next episode. Peace and love. Talk to you later. The napkin in between, hosted by Dejanae. Hosted by Dejanae Jones, produced by Dejanae Jones, post-production by Dejanae Jones, music by Sam Champagne and graphics by Yzma Vidal. Don't forget to like and subscribe. See you next episode.