The Napkin In Between
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The Napkin In Between
Nicolandria and the Power of Being Gentle: Reflections on Love Island
We've all heard about "putting yourself first," but for Black women, that concept often feels foreign or even forbidden. This week, I'm diving deep into what it truly means for Black women to prioritize themselves in a world that constantly demands our energy, care, and emotional labor.
Drawing from the current season of Love Island, I explore how the relationship between Nic and Olandria beautifully demonstrates what happens when a Black woman is genuinely cared for rather than being the constant caretaker. As a self-proclaimed president of "Nicolandria Nation," I break down why I'm so invested in their story – it's about witnessing a Black woman who has clearly spent her life being strong for others finally experiencing tenderness and having someone prioritize her needs.
Let's talk about what "being selfish" actually means for Black women. The truth? It's not selfishness at all – it's simply giving ourselves the same basic care and respect we've been conditioned to give everyone else. I understand the pressure to always be the provider, the strong one. But what if we flipped the script?
From unpacking cultural expectations around "Black love" to examining how Black women are often villainized regardless of how they express their needs, this episode challenges us to rethink relationship dynamics. The message is simple but revolutionary: find someone who genuinely likes you, not just loves what you do for them. And remember, when it comes to Black women's well-being, we can't wait for the world to give us permission to rest – we must claim it for ourselves.
Ready to challenge your thinking about relationships, self-worth, and what it means to truly put yourself first? This conversation is long overdue. Subscribe now, share with a friend who needs to hear this message, and let's continue building a world where Black women's care for themselves is celebrated, not condemned.
Is this thing on? Hello, hello. Uh oh, another yapper with a mic. Hello everyone and welcome back to the Napkin In Between podcast. I am your host, Daijné Jones. I hope everyone is having a good week, except for that orange drink lady, of course. I missed you guys last week.
Daijné:It's always so weird. This is only the second time that I've missed a week in the podcast since December when I started it, and I swear, every time I don't upload an episode, I always feel so weird, like because I have nothing to edit that week. I don't see your guys' comments or whatever on the podcast or anything like that, and so it's always just so like funky to me. Like I feel like it's like I don't know what. What did they say? It takes like 21 days to form a habit or something, and so I feel like it's been embedded into my routine now to like film and edit and, you know, get the podcast ready for the week, and so when I don't have that to do during the week, I'm just like kind of twiddling my thumb.
Daijné:I will say this past time was a little bit different. The reason I didn't upload a podcast was number one. My family was visiting me in New York City, which was absolutely the peak of my week. I always love when I get to spend time with family, and it's kind of few and far between now, because all of my family lives in Atlanta or not all of my family, but, like my mom and my nephews, who are like the closest to me in my family, they live in Atlanta and so I live in New York city now. So when I lived in Atlanta, of course, I was seeing them all the time, but now that I live in New York city it's a little bit harder. We have to book flights and all that stuff. So it's always nice when I get to see them. They're literally my favorite people in the entire world. Like truly me against the world when it comes to my mom and my nephews. Like I will, I would literally go to bat against anyone over my mom and my nephews, and it's always just so special to spend time with them.
Daijné:I'm like the fun aunt. Like I don't have any kids. I have a dog which they love. They love playing with her and it's kind of nice whenever they're here I get a little break, kind of, because anytime I like want to take her out after feed her, they're like, can I do it? Can I do it? Can I walk her, can I feed her? And I'm like you know, I go right ahead, do you? And it's so funny my, my youngest nephew, who is five.
Daijné:We were talking and he's like you know, I watch your podcast and I'm like, oh Lord, like like part of me loves it, because I feel like I talk about important things but I don't really talk about them in a kid friendly way. So I'm like, what do you be learning? What do you be hearing me say? And then they're like you know, like let's make a TikTok, or let's do this or let's do that, like they're literally like my biggest supporters and my biggest fans and you know they want to be just doing things with me, which is really important to me too, really special, because if they would have asked me that like a year and a half ago, if they would have told me like, oh, I watch your podcast or I want to make a TikTok with you, that would have freaked me the fuck out when I first started content creation, thinking about people that I know like watching my videos or whatever.
Daijné:Literally I well, when I first started content creation, I blocked everyone that I knew in real life, including my mom, like everyone was blocked because I didn't want anyone to see what I was doing, not because I thought that they would judge me, but because, like, your audience is not your friends and family and the people that you know in real life like when you are creating content, that is not your audience. Your audience will always at first be strangers and at first be people who don't know you in real life. And I just felt like I don't really know how to explain it, but I was just like I just didn't want them to see. I not, it wasn't that I would felt like they were gonna judge me or anything like that, but I was just like I just didn't want them to see. So I had blocked everybody. Um, anytime someone that I knew in real life would be like oh, like I saw when your videos, I'd be like no, you didn't like go and block them, like I just didn't want anybody to see.
Daijné:But I'm at the point now where I'm like I want to include my family and my friends in my videos and in my content, because I feel like I I don't show enough of my real life. I feel like like I'm always like just sitting in the bed talking to my camera, which, I mean, is what I'm just most comfortable doing. But I do want to start branching out and show you guys, like I live in New York City. I'm doing stuff in the city, like my friends and family, like all of that good stuff too. So it was nice we had gone to Hibachi and then we went to the Museum of Illusions and we all made a couple TikToks together, which was really fun, and we're going on a cruise in October me, my mom and my two nephews and so I'm excited to, you know, see them then and make more content with them and just get them more involved in my content. So I say all that to say the first reason that I didn't upload a podcast last week was because my family was here and I was just wanting to be present with them and explore the city and, and you know, be with them.
Daijné:And then also, I feel like for the last month, I've been taking in a lot of screen time because Love Island is on right now and if you're not familiar with Love Island, they put out new episodes every day, except for Wednesday and Saturday. They do put out an episode on Saturday it's called After Sun and they all sit down and like talk about what happened and you know, talking about the couples and things like that. And it's just like I wish they used to do this thing of unseen bits, which they have a little segment in after sun now, but before they had the after sun they would do unseen bits. I wish that we could see more of that, because I want to see more of, like, the Islanders personalities. You know what what I mean? Like I want to see how they interact with each other and the fun things that they do, the things that they say, like just I just want to see more of them.
Daijné:So I don't ever watch the after sun, but I have been obviously watching the entire season of Love Island and I'm doing recaps after every episode and things like that and it's just a lot. Watching a show for five days a week is a lot. It's a lot, especially when I want to do recaps after every episode. I'm watching the show but I'm also taking notes and I'm pausing and I have to rewind so I can make sure, you know, I say everything that I want to say and then, mind you, I still like leave things out unintentionally that I wanted to say. But anyway, I I just like I feel like I'm doing a lot of like screen time and so I was like I didn't plan last week very well, with my family coming, and then also feeling like I'm just watching a lot of tv or like looking at a screen a lot, um, so there was no episode. But Love Island is coming to a close, the finale is today. I guess I'm like, not today is what I'm filming, but today, when this podcast is uploaded. It'll be out later today and I wanted to share my thoughts about this season and the Islanders and when I say the season and the Islanders, I mainly mean Nicolandria, because like, uh, I I really am a lover girl, I'm a hopeless romantic.
Daijné:I hate men, right, like two things can't be very, very true at once. I hate men, I hate for them to be around me, I hate men, right, like two things can be very, very true at once. I hate men, I hate for them to be around me, I hate for them to be in my vicinity and by vicinity I mean within 3000 miles of me. But at the same time, like I love love and I love relationships and I love you know I love the idea of love. I don't love like the practice of it. Do you know what I mean?
Daijné:Like I love, I would love to have a relationship but at the same time, like I hate talking to men, I hate going on dates, I hate the process of it. Like I want God to just deliver the man that I'm supposed to be with to my front door with like a little like post-it or something and just be like like this is your husband, have fun. Like I just hate the idea, especially in today's world with like online dating. Like I would love to meet someone organically or just like in the wild, you know. But I just also like I leave my house some, but I don't leave my house a lot, so I don't really know how that's gonna work. And also, like even I know myself, and even if I did leave my house More and did do more stuff and a man approached me, I would run away kicking and screaming Like I I just I can't with men. I love the idea of our relationship, but I hate the practice of getting into one, and I knew from episode one I knew Nicolandria was gonna be a thing and I hate that. Like there's like a week left of the show when we're finally getting Nicolandria and I'm like I wish y'all would have tried earlier. But I absolutely understand, like why it didn't happen.
Daijné:Because when it comes to a woman like Alandria, we have to remember a couple of things. Number one she is the oldest daughter, oldest child, in a single parent household. She was raised by a single mom and knowing that information about her explains so much about her to me, never mind the fact that she is a dark-skinned black woman, never mind the fact that she, you know, grew up in alabama. Like all of this together tells me so much about her and it explains to me so much why she moved the way she moved in the villa, and she said it in a recent episode. She said you know her picking nick, finally, was the first time that she felt like she had been selfish in the villa. And when it comes to a show like love island, like, yes, you make friendships and you know you create bonds and different things like that, but at the end of the day, you really do have to be selfish, you really do have to put yourself first and you know, yes, you build these friendships, but at the end of the day. It is love island, it's not friendship island, and so if you feel like you have a connection with somebody that you want to explore, you have to put that over your friendship.
Daijné:And I feel like, as a woman, as a dark-skinned black woman from alabama, raised by a single mom, being selfish is such a foreign concept to her, like that is not something that she can fathom because she's so used to having to always put other people first, and I feel like a lot of black women can resonate with that as well. It's like we are literally from children. We are like told to put other things before our feelings, whether it be, you know, our schooling, whether it be our family, like whatever it is we are. We are conditioned to never really think about ourselves first and to always keep everything else at the forefront, ourselves first, and to always keep everything else at the forefront and then our feelings are like really never validated or never really paid attention to and different things like that. So the fact that it was so hard for her and it took her damn near the whole season to finally be like you know, I'm actually gonna put myself first.
Daijné:I hate that for her because number one, it's like I, I really want black women to be selfish and I think that we deserve to be selfish. And also I feel like it just kept her. It kept her from nick, because I feel like I, nick, I feel like had feelings for sierra but at the same time they weren't as nearly as like strong as like how he wanted to explore with alandria, like I feel like he was always yearning for her like we, we see in different episodes. If you, if you watch nick, you can see him like stolen glances at alandria or like making sure she's okay, or, like you know, looking at her like he wanted her bad. He wanted her bad, he wanted her bad.
Daijné:And I feel like I saw somebody say I don't know how true this is, but I saw somebody say that you know, taylor had asked him or he had told Taylor that he was interested in Elandria and wanted to get to know Elandria and Taylor asked him to not pursue it, to not talk to Elandria and to not do that. And so I feel like part of it was him just being like a good friend to taylor, because nick and nick and taylor did form like a really close friendship. But I think that you know, if alandria would have been more open and been more selfish for herself, I think that he would have been all for it, like. I think that he would have been like, okay, yeah, like fuck, fuck, taylor, let's try this thing. And I really wish that Alandria would have been more open because Taylor played in her face so fucking bad, so fucking bad, like he told everyone and their mother how much he was not physically attracted to alandria, which is fine. I am not dragging him, because physical attraction is subjective.
Daijné:I think alandria like, literally her features are things that people pay money for and she's just born with them. I think she is literally like, across ethnic groups, across races, whatever, she is one of the prettiest girls that I've ever seen in my entire life. Like nick said, one of the most beautiful women he's ever seen in his lifetime. Like, oh my god. But I'm not shaming taylor, for you know, not being physically attracted to her.
Daijné:My issue with taylor lies in the fact that he never told her that he was not physically attracted. He led her on so bad, even even worse than we saw, because even the narrator, who has been narrating love island for 10 years, said that he would have bet his house on taylor and alandria winning this season like and, mind you, he sees unedited footage, he sees things that we don't get to see. So, whatever scheme that was set up by taylor and todd, like he was good at it, he had everybody fooled every when he even when he picked clark at the recoupling, everyone was shocked. Amaya was ready to be his fucking ass. I love amaya so much. Uh, she, she needs to work on not cutting people off. But she never said she was perfect. She never said she didn't have any flaws. So anyway.
Daijné:But I feel like alandria was so set on taylor. I feel like this was, for a couple of reasons, number one again, whatever he was doing to her to make her feel like you know, he was choosing her and like it was going to be her in the end, like he, he did that. He, whatever scheme him and todd set up, it was working. But also I feel like, again, knowing alandria's background, knowing that she is the oldest daughter to a single mom, dark-skinned black woman from alabama, I feel like and this is just my perception I could be very, very wrong, but I feel like, especially in the South, black women are pretty much I don't want to say told, but like they, they feel like their partner is a black man, right, like they feel like black love is what they should be striving for, what they should be doing.
Daijné:And so, no matter how a black man you know treats some black women, they'll put up with that because at the end of the day, they're in a relationship with a black man and that is held at a standard. More than anything, more than him respecting her, more than him actually taking care of her, more than anything, the fact that he is a black man is held at the highest regard. And I'm gonna tell y'all black women, I love y'all and I love black love and I love that. But at the end of the day, true black love is loving yourself first, loving your blackness and having respect for yourself as a black woman first, and sometimes that means that your partner will not be a black man. I know that's a hard pill to swallow for some and I understand it, because we've been conditioned to think, oh, black love, like we need to. We need to be with a black man. But if that black man is not respecting you, if that black man does not like you, do not let that stop you from your husband. Do not let that stop you from your husband, because the way Nick has treated Alandria compared to how Taylor treated Alandria, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
Daijné:I I'm rooting for, I will always root for Nicolandria, and when I really think about it, it's not even the fact that I'm rooting for Nicolandria, I'm rooting for Alandria. I'm rooting for this black woman finally having someone cater to her and provide for her. There's something so powerful to me about seeing a black woman who has very clearly had to always have up her guard, had to always be a provider, had to always be the strong one. There's something so powerful to me about seeing her finally be able to be soft, seeing her be taken care of, seeing the provider be the providee. I will always root for that and that's why I root for Nicolandria so hard and that's why I call myself the president of Nicolandria Nation, because I want black women to know struggle.
Daijné:Love is not what you should be aiming for. Something that Alandria always said about Taylor after you know he recoupled with Clark was like oh, I worked so hard for this, I put so much time and energy into this. I, you know, I always made sure that he was okay, but it's like is he doing that for you as well? Is he, is he making sure you're okay? And also, yes, I understand that relationships are work and that you have to put in effort and time and things like that, but the effort and time that elandria was putting in is not the effort and time that you should have to put into a relationship. Like you shouldn't have to try to force someone to like you. And I'm not blaming her for that because, again, I feel like taylor did not tell her that he did not like her. So I understand why she like just was oblivious to it and didn't realize it. But it's like, looking from the outside in, we could see that she was working for him to like her and he just didn't. And that's not work that you should have to put into a relationship.
Daijné:When it comes to nick she, she never had to try. She literally just sat there all season and we literally watched this man yearn for her. We've literally seen this man tell her you know, whatever you decide, like, I just want to be in your presence, hello. We've seen this man say I like your strong personality. We've seen this man say you bring out the manlier side of me like everything about her is like what he wants and like what he he was just yearning for this entire season. And that's what I want for all black women just for someone to make you feel like you can be gentle and you can be calm and you can rest and you don't have to always be the person who's putting in all the work or doing everything or providing for everyone. Like that's what I want for every black person, regardless of what that person's skin color is.
Daijné:And if that means that you have to date outside of our race and you have to date a white man or a lesion like whatever, just date someone who genuinely, who likes you. Date someone who likes you, not someone who just loves you. Because most of the time, when you're dating someone who loves you and you're doing all the providing, you're doing this they don't really love you. They love what you're doing for them. They love that you're providing for them. They love that no matter what they do to you, you're gonna put up with it. That's what they love. They're not necessarily in love with you or even like you, because if someone genuinely likes you, they would respect you, they would let you have rest, they would let you feel like you could be gentle and calm and let them take the wheel. You know what I mean. Like that's what's so important is like not trying to find someone who loves you, but find someone who actually likes you. That's more important than anything, because if someone genuinely likes you, then they just would not do that to you. You know what I mean and I feel like this season has really shown that is that, like, black women will really sacrifice themselves and do everything for someone else and let's like you don't have to do that.
Daijné:You don't have to do that and you shouldn't do that. You should allow someone to take care of you and to provide for you and to allow you to be gentle and sit back and let them take the wheel. And that's why I root so hard for nicolandria, because I'm seeing a black woman who, from just knowing a little bit of her background, has probably always been the provider being provided for and I like that's, I will always root for that, because I I need that for all of my black women. So this season hopefully y'all have been watching, because I didn't even really give y'all a background or like let y'all know what I'm talking about. I just hit the ground fucking running.
Daijné:But moral of the story from this season is allow someone to take care of you. Be with someone who allows you, who makes you feel like you don't have to to do all this work because you don't have to do all this work. You don don't have to do all this work. You don't have to put time and energy into someone who is not reciprocating that, whatever that means. That could be a romantic relationship, that could be a friendship, that could be a familial relationship. Like you don't have to sacrifice yourself for other people. It is okay to be selfish, it is okay to put yourself first, it is okay to understand that you deserve the respect and the rest and everything that you are giving everybody else.
Daijné:And that's why Nick and Landry are my winners, because, at the end of the day, I have not seen a single interaction between Nick and Landry where he is not making sure that she is good, where he is not making sure that she is taken care for. And it's the little things. It's the little things like him making her her favorite foods, him making sure her pancake edges are crispy, him getting out her pajamas for the night, like he just genuinely wants to take care of her and I love that he's not only said this multiple times, like I just want to be the man, I just want to take care of her, but he's actually showing he just wants to take care of her and that's why like, oh, I love them, I love them and I just I. I hope that she will tap more into that and get out of her mind, because I feel like there was a point where she had asked shelly, after like her and nick were talking, she asked shelly, like does it look natural? And I saw people asking, like well, why would she ask that? Why would she ask if it looks natural, like clearly, because people still think that they're faking it.
Daijné:And I'm like, first of all, for anyone who thinks that Nick and Elandria are faking, I can tell y'all don't read. Y'all do not read romance novels, friends to lovers things, or if you've seen a rom-com and it's the friends to lovers trope, you didn't actually understand the movie, because this is a classic friends to lovers trope. Episodes 1 through 20 is them building that friendship foundation. Episode 21 was where they were like wait, do we like like each other? Do we have feelings for one another? Let's try that out. Episodes 22 to like 30 I think it is 30 29 is them being like. No, we don't have feelings for each other, we're just friends, which made no fucking sense to me, because we had always seen nick and alandria like in little um clips of like them talking or like them being around each seen nick and alandria like in little um clips of like them talking or like them being around each other, nick picking alandria for a challenge, whatever.
Daijné:In episodes 22 to like I think it's 29 or 30. They're avoiding each other. We barely see them. And first of all, if y'all are just friends, why the fuck are y'all avoiding each other? Second of all, why the fuck is this villa in such disarray? It was in disarray because they weren't speaking, because they were they. Both the men and the women who have been dumped from the villa have said, or even when elandria was being dumped and nick was being dumped, people were saying like they were the glue that held everyone together. So the fact that they were not speaking or they were avoiding each other because they're just friends, and the whole villa was like up in fucking flames yeah, it's because my parents are like. I didn't grow up in a a two-parent household. But for people who did, when your parents are fighting and you know your parents are fighting like that shit is that it throws off the entire dynamic of the house. That was how it was in the villa. But anyway, episodes what 22 to 29, 30 was them trying to convince themselves because they weren't fooling fucking me that they were just friends. And then what we see from episode 29, 30 to now is them being like okay, like we're actually not friends and we actually are attracted to one another and we have an emotional connection. So let's nurture that.
Daijné:This is a classic friends to lovers like I y'all just don't read, y'all don't read. And that's the problem. Y'all, y'all too locked into these damn devices. It's that damn phone, it is that damn phone. Go pick up a fucking book and read. And that's another reason as to why I root for them so hard, because I love the friends to lovers trope. That's one of my favorite ones.
Daijné:I love when people have a friendship first, because again, that goes back to my whole point of like you need someone who likes you, who respects you, before you can find someone who loves you. And I feel like when you actually have a friendship with someone first. Then it's like, okay, like I, like this person, you know what I mean like I respect them, and then you can build more onto that, so that, coupled up with the fact that Nick is genuinely like just taking care of her, they are my winners. They're my winners and I need, like I, I just love.
Daijné:I just love seeing a black woman being taken care of for, because we don't get that a lot. It's always, you know, people are always expecting us to do something for them, but it's like what are you doing for me? Ask, not what a black woman can do for you. Ask what you could do for a black woman. That's what I need everyone to live by, because it's like we're always asked to sacrifice ourselves and we're always asked to, you know, disregard our feelings and put everything else first. And it's like it's 2025.
Daijné:I need black women to be selfish. I need y'all to be selfish, with your time, with your energy, with literally everything. Literally everything, because, at the end of the day, the only person who's truly going to care about your feelings as a black woman is you. So you need to put yourself first. Period the fucking end in every aspect of your life, with your friendships, with your family, with your romantic relationships, if something truly is not serving you and you feel like you're having to work in order to get just the fucking bare minimum of just like respect, end it, end it bye, period the end. Don't, don't, don't put yourself on the line, because, at the end of the day, it's like the world is conditioned to disrespect and to walk all over and to just take, take, take, take, take from black women.
Daijné:Be selfish, allow yourself to be selfish, allow yourself to put yourself first, because that is what we, as black women, deserve. We deserve to put ourselves first. We deserve to think about ourselves. We deserve to be selfish. That is my hope for every black woman and that is my goal for myself is just to live a more selfish life. And it's like I say selfish but, at the end of the day, selfish when it comes to a black woman is literally just giving herself the bare minimum, giving herself the same things that she gives everybody else.
Daijné:So it's not even really us being selfish. It's us just taking care of ourselves. The way that we have been conditioned to take care of everything and everyone else like that's crazy when you really think about it. It's not even really us being selfish. It's us just taking care of ourselves, the way that we have been conditioned to take care of everything and everyone else Like that's crazy when you really think about it. It's not even us being selfish. It's just us wanting the bare minimum, wanting what we give to everybody else, what everyone else continuously takes from us but doesn't give to us in return. That's literally all we want as black women. So it's time for us to do that. All we want as black women. So it's time for us to do that. It's time for us to finally give ourselves the respect and the care and just everything that we have given quite literally the whole fucking world. So that is why I root so hard for Nicolandria. That is why they are my winners.
Daijné:But if they don't win, shelly and Ace have to win. If anyone has done this process of Love Island how they're supposed to is shelly and ace. They have been into each other from the very beginning. They've had a connection, they've explored other connections, they've gone through things, they've communicated through those things and they've always come back to each other stronger and I just love seeing their connection. That is a black love story that I can get behind, because ace takes care of shelllly. Even when they were fighting, he was still coming to her with her breakfast, with her flowers. He had a sour fuck look on his face, but he was still taking care of his girl and that's what I love. Like he likes Shelly, you see what I mean. Like when someone truly likes you, regardless of what is going on, they will still provide for you and take care of you, and that is what I need for black women, because there's not a lot of times where black women can truly feel their emotions and and their emotions are validated and I love that. Even though ace was like I don't truly understand your feelings, he was trying to understand where shelly was coming from with the whole. You know we need boundaries, but I'm still exploring. I will say I did agree with ace on that. Like I was a little confused as well, but even though he didn't understand it or fully see where she was coming from, he was still like I, like you're still my girl, I'm still gonna take care of you, and I love that.
Daijné:And I I see people trying to compare hudda and chris to ace and shelly, because now hudda and chris are having communication issues and they're like. Well, ace and shelly have had communication issues and everyone's giving them grace, but y'all are not seeing this this cycle with hudda and how her behavior has been with every single man that she's been coupled up with, of her not allowing them to talk, of her listening to respond, not to understand where they're coming from. And I I want to like hudda, like I really I really want to understand her, but I just think that the only person that she needs to couple up with is a therapist. There are some things that she needs to work through that should have been worked through before she came on love island. First of all, I don't think that she's on the right show. I think she needs a show like love is blind or married at first sight, because the way she does not want Her man especially when it was jeremiah to explore anyone else, she was calling the bombshells all out of their name and everything like that. She wants someone who was all about her beginning to end, and that's just not what love island is.
Daijné:Love island is about exploring other connections as well, and she was not having that. So I think she needs to go on a show more suited for like the fast track of like okay, we met today, we're getting married tomorrow, not love island, that's. That's not how love island works, but also her communication. It just has to be better. And she's always like oh, like the communication is great, like you know, we're really strong, we're this, and it's like is your communication great, or Are you just not letting them talk? Are you just not understanding that they're just agreeing with you to kind of not rock the boat?
Daijné:Because the second chris was like hey, like I want to communicate this thing with you, she's talking over him, she's not listening, like when he was talking about you know, you won't kiss me out here, but like we're having sex, like I, like I don't get that. I'm trying to understand what she's talking about. Like oh well, out here it's like pda, but it's like y'all share a room with what? Eight other people, 10 other people. So it's like is there really any privacy? Mind you, not only are you sharing this room with all these other people, but like millions of Americans and millions of people all over the world are are watching y'all too. So it's like there's not really any privacy.
Daijné:So I'm not really understanding what she's saying, and I don't feel like she was understanding what chris is saying because she kept interrupting him. Like that's not a healthy relationship if you're not actually communicating. And then you're like, oh, our communication is great, is your communication great or are you just not really listening? And I feel like she's done that not only with chris but with, like, the girls as well, like when her and shelly got into it about whatever happened, because I feel like it was cut whatever, whatever she did in that challenge, we did not get to see. So I feel like people weren't understanding that and that's why people were like not understanding where shelly was coming from, and also people, I feel like the people who understood hudda and hudda being like, oh, it's just a challenge, it's just a challenge, are male-centered. Y'all, y'all are male-centered because the argument that I saw is people being like oh well, why wasn't shelly mad at ace? Like, why, why is she? Have all the smoke for huda but none for ace?
Daijné:So a couple things. First of all, shelly was upset with ace and she said that to ace. Did it take her a day or so to understand that she was also upset with ace? Yeah, am I? Am I going to be mad at her for that? No, because God forbid.
Daijné:A girl needs to regulate her fucking emotions and understand how she feels in a situation that literally just happened to her, in an environment where she gets two to three hours of sleep a night and is like constantly on go. Like they purposely manipulate their emotions. They keep them like quarantined for like two weeks before they even go into the villa. They have no connection with the outside world. They don't even know what time of day it is because their phones like nothing has the time on it. Their sleep schedules are all out of whack. Like of course her emotions are going to be heightened and also maybe all over the place because of the environment that she's in.
Daijné:But also the reason she was upset with hudda first and more upset with h Huda is because it was about the principal. It was about their friendship. It had nothing to do with Ace. Shelly had never had an issue with Ace doing a challenge. The entire season, the only person who had an issue with anybody doing a challenge was Huda. So that should tell you that it wasn't the fact that it was a challenge. It was the fact that Huda asked for respect when it was her and Jeremiah and Shelly gave her that respect. But then, when it was Shelly's turn for that respect. Huda did not do that. It was the principle of their friendship. It was the you asked me to do this thing and I did it for you, but now that it's my turn, you're not doing it and I'm seeing people being like, okay, well, shelly didn't communicate that.
Daijné:Does Shelly really need to tell her friend that she expects the same respect that her friend wants from her? Is that something that Shelly really had to articulate and say to her like, can we be serious? Like, if I have a rule in my house for my friends, like, oh, when you come to the, when you come to my house, take your shoes up at the front door. I I have that thing for everyone who comes into my house take, take your shoes off when you come into the door and then I go to your house and I'm just walking around with my shoes. Wouldn't you look at me a little bit sideways? Wouldn't you be like well, you have this thing at your house and I've always respected it, but now that it's my house, you're not having the same rules. Do you see what I'm saying? Like that is why shelly was upset.
Daijné:It was because of the principle. It had nothing to do with the man and it's so interesting to me, the people who are defending hudda in that situation. I know they've squashed it, but I just never spoke about it on the pod, so that's why I'm doing it now, the people who were defending her. It really told me a lot about them because, like I just I did not understand why people were making ace the focal point of the issue and it was just a very male-centered thing to do. And it was like, after thinking about the whole situation, it was either one of two things either people were male-centered and centering ace, or it was just blatant racism, because then people would be like, oh, it was just a challenge, like hudda is not the wrong, it's just a challenge. But then when alandria shared during the stand on business challenge that hudda and chris kissed, oh, that wasn't alandria's place to share, that she shouldn't have done. That, was it not the stand on business challenge? Was it not the challenge to air your grievances and get everything off of your chest? And that's what Alandria did and y'all said it's just a challenge. So it's just a challenge, right? Exactly, you bitches are fucking racist or you're misogynistic and there's no image Like you're never going to convince me that. It's not one of those two things as to why people were defending hudda. It was one of those two things, or a mix of both, because two things can be true at once as well. Anyway, crazy tangent.
Daijné:But that was another situation where a black woman put herself first and her feelings first and she was still villainized for that. People were calling shelly and landria bullies. They were saying that they were ganging up on hudda, they were yelling at her and it was like shelly very clearly and very calmly articulated what was wrong, where her issue was, and it was like even in her calmness people were like, oh my god, she's such a bully, she's, she's so rude, mind you, hudda, calling everybody out of their name, b words, this calling, calling jeremiah a pussy ass bitch. But like people were like, oh, that's justified, she was just crashing out.
Daijné:But when it's shelly who was calmly articulating why she was upset, that's an issue and this is why I will always say, as we're up today's episode black women, put yourself first, because no matter what you do, someone is going to have an issue with it. It does not matter what you do, it does not matter how you say it, it does not matter how you go about it. You will always be the villain. So we might as well not make a liar out of people. We might as well just put ourselves first and be selfish and do whatever works for us and however they're going to take it, is how they're going to take it. It should not matter to you because, no matter what you do, they're always going to someone is always going to have an issue with it. So put yourself first, be with people whether that be friendships, relationships, whatever who like you, regardless of their skin color, and allow yourself to let someone else take the front wheel so that you can sit back and be taken care of and be yearned for and just get everything that you have always tried to give everybody else. That is my, that is what I hope, wish and pray for all black women is just for us to allow people to take care of us, which I know is easier said than done because, again, from a young age, we're always taught, you know put everyone first, be the provider this, that and the third but just make sure you're also providing for yourself and make sure you're putting yourself first and being quote-unquote selfish. But being selfish is literally just doing for yourself what you've always done for others. That is just what I want for black women and that is why, today and every day, I will always be team Michelangelo.
Daijné:Even if they don't win, I will still root for them. I need them to add them to the beyond the villa cast, because I need to see more of them, because the fact that we were robbed all season of them exploring and seeing their connection like oh, that makes me so sad. As of right now, when I'm filming this, we don't know the outcome. The outcome will come out like a little bit later, after this is um uploaded on sunday. So fingers crossed for nick alandrio or shelly and ace, either one. I I need one of them to be the winner. It doesn't matter to me which one um, they just have the best connections, in my opinion, in the villa shelly and ace because they've just done love island the way that they're supposed to, and nick and alandria because I just love. I'm a sucker for a romance book, a romance movie, and Fran Sullivan's trope is just everything and more to me. So, and regardless, in both of these love stories, I just love seeing a black woman being taken care of, and so I'm just rooting for for everybody black and Nick.
Daijné:Thank you guys, so much for tuning in today's episode. I hope everyone is having a good day, except for that orange chick lady and I will talk to you in the next episode. Peace and love. Talk to you later. The Napkin in Between, hosted by Daijné Jones, produced by Daijné Jones, post-production by Daijné Jones, music by Sam Champagne and graphics by Isma Vidal. Don't forget to like and subscribe. See you next episode.