The Napkin In Between
Welcome to The Napkin In Between Podcast where we dive into social commentary, personal life, politics, & everything in between. The Napkin In Between Podcast delivers necessary hard truths, but don't worry...we'll give you a napkin to soften the blow!
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The Napkin In Between
Sometimes It's Okay To Shut The F*ck Up...
The journey toward authentic self-expression online isn't easy, especially for those from marginalized communities. In this candid episode, I open up about my recent creative project that unexpectedly resonated with so many of you, and how much it means to finally be embraced for my genuine self after years of feeling pressure to conform.
As I describe my "firecracker" personality (courtesy of my Sagittarius sun, Sagittarius moon, and Leo rising placements), I reflect on the liberation that comes with no longer trying to fit in. Being fully myself online—outspoken, passionate, and unfiltered—has created a space where we truly see and understand each other beyond the digital divide.
But having a platform comes with responsibilities. When followers asked for my take on Cardi B's recent fatphobic comments about her merchandise, I recognized something crucial: this was a moment to step back. Some situations call for us to amplify voices rather than center our own opinions, especially when we're not part of the community directly affected.
True allyship isn't performative—it requires knowing when to speak and when to listen. Dismissing harmful remarks as "just jokes" normalizes bigotry and upholds systems of oppression that kill people daily. Fighting fatphobia, racism, homophobia, and other forms of discrimination requires more than passive non-participation; it demands active, everyday resistance.
Follow educators like Samyra (@samyra) and Daven (@imdaven) for perspectives rooted in lived experience, and remember that education comes best from those navigating these realities firsthand. If you appreciate authentic content that entertains while challenging you to think differently, subscribe to Napkin In Between wherever you get your podcasts!
Is this thing on? Hello hello. Uh oh, another yapper with a mic. Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Napkin In Between podcast. I am your host, Daijné Jones. I hope everyone's having a good week, except for that orange drink lady. Of course I have been having a good week, except for that orange chick lady. Of course I have been having a great week because how do I say this?
Daijné:I started a new project and I started it just kind of like out of the blue, not really thinking a lot of it, started it, put it out there, and the love that I have received from you guys on this project has been surprising. Honestly, like I didn't think that so many people would care about it or even notice it as quickly as you guys did. I'm kind of gatekeeping it because I just I want y'all to find it when you find it. So I'm not going to go into too much depth about like what the project is or whatever. If you know what I'm talking about, you know. But yeah, I started it like kind of out of the blue, not really thinking too much of it, and I just love. I love how y'all just show up and y'all truly like support me and see me and I I've talked about this before, but it's like when I post online, I'm truly like the most genuine form of myself and I am just like putting myself out there as 100% me, which is something that I've truly had to learn how to do, especially as a black woman, and unlearning my own internalized racism. And so I've gotten to the point where I truly am just like fully myself and putting my thoughts out there, my feelings, regardless of if they're like 100% correct, because I know like I've missed the ball sometimes and, um, I I just really it means so much more to me that you guys are here, because I'm like this is just like truly who I am and it's taken me so long to get here, and so the fact that I'm being my authentic self and y'all are here, you're showing up, you're enjoying my content, you're engaging in it, like I just feel like so blessed to have the community that I do, because you guys are just like you guys just really mean a lot to me. You really do.
Daijné:I don't I don't want to get sappy, but like y'all, like I just appreciate how much y'all truly appreciate me and value me and see me, because I am just being myself, and that's always been something that I was afraid to be, because I'm like I don't know how this is going to be taken, accepted, and so I've always kind of just tried to go with the flow and do things to kind of just fit in. I've never really wanted to stand out. And now I feel like I don't know if the right words is to say that I'm standing out but like I'm just being me, I'm not worried about conforming to anything. I'm not trying to appease anyone or fit in or like not, you know, go against their grain, like I'm truly just being my authentic, genuine, outspoken self and I just love that. You guys are appreciative of that and you guys always show up and support me and it just we just have a key like I, really like we just key like I, y'all just get it, y'all get it and I get it and we get it like we see each other for real and I just really appreciate it. That's been the peak of my week for sure. It's just like, like every time I log in somewhere and like, look at your guys's comments or your dms, like I just feel such a sense of gratitude and I just love, I just love that y'all are here. I'm just very, very happy that you're here and I appreciate you guys more than I could ever put into words. I don't even like have the words to describe how much I appreciate you guys, because this is something that I've always wanted to do, like I've always just wanted to talk and to make myself little videos and to make people laugh and to also educate people, and you know, I feel like I'm doing all of that in one right now and it's it just really means a lot to me and I just love that you guys are all here also.
Daijné:Like, not gonna lie, I kind of like the attention, like my big three I'm a Sagittarius Sun, sagittarius Moon and Leo rising and I I call myself a little firecracker. Like I, I love to say like I'm a good time. You know, you bring me to the party because I'm a good time. I'm there to have fun. I'm there to you know, put myself out there like she's a good time. However, if you do too much, if you light me up too much, I will burn all this shit to the fucking ground and I'll look real pretty while I'm doing it. Like that's how I like to describe myself to people because, like it's true, like I, I'm a little firecracker, I'm a good old time. I'm here to have fun, I'm here to you know, entertain, give you all cute little show. But if you do too much, if you light me up too much, I will burn this shit to the fucking ground and I'll look cute as fuck while I'm doing it. And then, on top of all that of me being fire sign for my big three, I'm a scorpio cusp at least I think I am I'm.
Daijné:My birthday is november 22nd, the first day of sag season, so I'm on the cusp of Scorpio and Sagittarius. I don't really know what that means. I'm not super big into astrology, but like, do with that information what you will, but my Leo rising, she has been like shining this week. Like I don't know. I feel like I've gotten so many new followers this week and I'm not gonna lie, the Leo rising in me, that little bitch, loves attention, she does, she loves attention. So I'm just like, oh my god, like I'm not going to lie, the Leo rising in me, that little bitch, loves attention, she does, she loves attention. So I'm just like, oh my God, like I'm so happy you guys are here and giving me attention and I just, I really, I'm just really excited about this content creation journey.
Daijné:I've had to, you know, start over a couple of times because TikTok hates to see a girl shine, but somehow, someway, you guys always find me and I'm just so grateful for all of you and I really appreciate all of you being here and just tuning in and, yeah, I hope I entertain you guys. I hope you guys are also learning something, because that's really important to me too. Like I try to make my content silly and funny, but, at the core, like I do hope that people are learning things, and I've gotten messages from people saying that, like you know, I didn't understand this thing until I watched your video, because you made it in a way that anybody can understand it and that's the entire goal. That is the whole goal. If anyone, like if I can just help change one person's mind about something and educate one person, that means everything to me. So that has definitely been the peak of my week. I'm just so grateful for all of you. Thank you guys so much for being here. I just I feel like I'm living my dream, like and I know that like I have so much more to do, like there's. So I have a ways to go, but I'm just every single milestone. I truly, truly, truly am so appreciative of it and I love you guys and just thank you so, so much for being here. So that has been the peak of my week. Please tell me the peak of your week something that made you smile, kept you grounded, kept you sane in the chaos of the world, thinking about my content and adding my opinion, my thoughts, and trying to educate people and talking about important social issues.
Daijné:Going into what we're going to talk about today. I kind of want to talk about when it's important, to not talk when it's important to shut the fuck up. I get that you guys want my opinion on things and I really appreciate that. I I understand how much y'all value my opinion and I do not take that lightly. And so this past week y'all have been asking my opinions on the cardi b situation and her merch and the 3x t-shirts. Um, if you're not familiar what I'm talking about, cardi b had gotten on live, um, after all of her 3x merch shirts sold out and was like essentially calling her fans fat and like making jokes about them being fat and saying that you know they were big or whatever. And y'all have been asking me my opinion on the situation and my thoughts and different things like that, and my only opinion is that my opinion doesn't fucking matter. My opinion on this does not fucking matter because I am not a part of the community directly affected by her fatphobic. We're going to call it what it is. I don't care if it was her trying to joke with her fans, whatever, it's still fatphobic. Okay, so my opinion on that does not matter because I am not a part of the community that was directly affected.
Daijné:Fatphobia is real, extremely like. It is a part of bigotry, it is a part of white supremacy and it is. It's alive and well. And so I understand you know, because I do talk about a lot of, you know, white supremacy and bigotry, things like that I understand why you guys want my opinion, but I really want to encourage y'all to listen to the people that it directly affects, because the way that I feel about it, it's like, say that cardi b had a makeup line, okay, and the darkest shade of foundation had sold out, and she got a line and was like damn, you fucking darkies. Like damn, y'all saw, y'all sold that shit out quick. Y'all dark as fuck.
Daijné:If she said some shit like that and then a light skinned or white person was trying to give their opinion about it, that shit would piss me the fuck off. Like if. If that were to happen and people were getting online and being rightfully upset about it because it's colorist, right, and then people were like, oh my god, it's just a joke. It's just a joke, like she was just joking I would be mad as fuck. I would mad as fuck. I don't give a fuck. If it is a joke, it's still wrong, right. And I would be mad as fuck if someone from a community when that who like didn't affect them, was trying to make like a think piece about it because, at the end of the day, like this is this is people's lives, right? Fat phobia affects people's real lives, racism affects people's real lives, colorism affects people's real lives. So you can try to say like, oh, it's just a joke, it's just a joke, it's not a fucking joke. It's not a fucking joke because it affects people's real lives.
Daijné:Any form of white supremacy, any form of bigotry like that will never be a joke to me. Like I don't think that we don't need to be normalizing those kinds of jokes. That's why I can never get behind like comedians and their whole spiel or their whole shtick is like racist jokes, but like they're not black or any sort of minority in which that affects. Like how I feel is like if you, if you're black or you're like a part of a minority and you want to make a joke about you know that thing? I I'm not here to tell you that you can't do that.
Daijné:I think that there is a lot of healing in dark humor. Me myself, I use a lot of dark humor, but if you're not a part of the group that you're using, this quote-unquote dark humor on. Like dark humor is a way to cope with something. If you're not a part of that community, what the fuck are you coping with? Why the fuck are you making a joke about it? It doesn't affect you. It's not something that you have to cope with because you're benefiting from whatever they want to joke about. You get what I'm saying.
Daijné:So it's like trying to say that it's a joke but, like you, you're not affected by whatever it is that's being joked about. I don't think that that is your place. I don't think that that's fair for you to make that kind of joke, like it's not, it's not funny. And especially if people are a part of that community and are telling you like it's not funny, you don't get to invalidate their feelings by telling them oh, it's just a joke. It's just a joke like I think that's such a problem in the world. Is that like when people who are affected by something negatively try to come to people and voice how that thing affects them? People are so quick to try to defend themselves to be like oh well, this is why that thing is happening, or it's not that big of a dealer, or it's just a joke.
Daijné:Listen to the community that it is affecting. Listen to the community that that thing is affecting. If it doesn't directly affect you, you don't get to tell other communities how to feel about that thing, and that's how I feel about this whole thing. If you guys ask me my opinion, again, I understand. I give my opinion on a lot of things and so I understand why you want my opinion. Listen to the people that it directly affects. However they feel about it is how I feel about it. I'm standing 10 toes behind how they feel about it.
Daijné:If they say this thing was fucking wrong, then it was fucking wrong and I didn't need to hear from other people that it was wrong. I immediately, when I heard it, I was like what the fuck? Like? I did think that it was wrong, but I don't think that my voice should be louder than the people's that it actually affects because, again, if it were something that negatively affected black people or black women, I don't. I don't really want to hear from other communities how much it doesn't matter, how much it's just a joke, how much it was people are just taking out of proportion. Because, at the end of the day, if something has the power or the ability to negatively affect my life in any capacity, it's not a joke, it's not a fucking joke. And I think when I said this in a previous podcast, when we were talking about love island and the amount of black women who you know were calling alandria and shelly bullies and things, there are times when we can aid in our own oppression, can aid in our own oppression where we can help to uplift white supremacy and bigotry and, you know, all of these things that keep us oppressed. And so when we try to downplay things and being like, oh, it's just a joke, like it's not that deep, whatever, whatever. Like that aids in the normalization of bigotry, of racism and fat phobia, of homophobia, misogyny, transphobia, like those things are not a joke.
Daijné:If it can negatively affect someone, if it can kill you, I I don't think that's a joke. And not just you, but like also put yourself in other people's shoes. Like if it can negatively affect other people's lives, it can kill them. That's not a joke. And also we have to think about intersectionality and how different forms of repression Like if it can negatively affect other people's lives, it can kill them. That's not a joke. And also we have to think about intersectionality and how different forms of oppression go hand in hand.
Daijné:Fat phobia directly impacts racism and vice versa. Like we can't be get on here talking about something. Oh, it's just a joke. It's just a joke. It's affecting real people's lives and it's unless we fight it. It a joke. It's affecting real people's lives and it's unless we fight it, it's always gonna affect real people's lives. This is it.
Daijné:That's why I always say it's like you can't just say that you're not racist, not fatphobic, not homophobic, whatever. You have to be anti those things. You have to work every day to try to unlearn and fight those things. It's not enough, and it will never be enough, to just say, oh, I'm not racist, I'm not fat phobic, I'm not homophobic, I'm not transphobic. You have to work every single day to be anti those things, because they are embedded into our society, into every part of our society, all of it, all of it is, and so I really want to encourage y'all to listen to the people that it directly affects, that my voice does not matter. I stand behind a group of people who it directly affects and it was wrong. It was wrong. I don't think you need me to say that. I think you need to listen to people that it directly affects.
Daijné:But, yeah, I do think that it was wrong and I do think that education is needed, because I also saw she was talking about she was trying to like defend herself Cardi B and was like you can go to a town as a black person and you could be killed there as a black person and you could be killed there. No one's trying to kill fat people and it's like that's extremely fucking ignorant, because fat phobia can kill people, it absolutely can and it does, and it has like open the fucking schools. This. It's just so fucking ignorant and we have too much. We have computers in our fucking pockets. We have too much access to the internet for y'all to be this fucking stupid.
Daijné:If you can, if you have the time, to go on live or whatever and make these fucking disgusting fat phobic comments I'm not even gonna call them jokes, because they're not jokes, they're fucking fat phobic comments and then also try to have time to defend yourself from your fat phobic comments. You have time to educate yourself. You absolutely do. You absolutely do so. Let's, let's do that and let's listen to the people that it directly affects, because I feel like that's where education comes the best from is from people who have these lived experiences, who know exactly how this thing affects their lives. And so I wanna shout out Samira. I've learned so much from her. She advocates so much for the plus size community. I've learned so much that I did not know from her. I also want to shout out I'm Dabin. I've learned so much from her as well about you know fat phobia and like, not even just fat phobia. She's just so fucking smart. I love listening to her videos. I love watching her learn so much from her.
Daijné:Those are the people that I want you to go listen to on on this topic. I I genuinely this is a time where I am going to shut the fuck up and I'm going to tell y'all who I want you to listen to, because their opinions are my opinions. I'm 10 toes behind them. I I love how they have spoken about this. I agree wholeheartedly with their message and I want to encourage you to go and listen to what they're saying, because it is so important and fat phobia is real. It's real and it needs to be talked about. It needs to be addressed. I feel like it's swept under the rug so much, and all forms of oppression need to be called out. They're all important. None of them are jokes. None of them are funny. We need to listen to people that this affects, and that's what I just want to encourage everyone to do. I'm going to shut the fuck up now, as we are for this episode.
Daijné:For everyone who has been asking me my opinion on this, we all need to learn when to shut the fuck up and to listen, and that's what I have been doing. That's what I want to encourage all of you to do. Samira, I am Davin Like. That's why I want to encourage y'all to go listen to it Because I think it's important. And yeah, I'm shutting the fuck up Because, again, I feel like there's times when you should speak and when you should talk about things, and there's times when you should speak and when you should talk about things and there's times when you should shut the fuck up and you should listen.
Daijné:And this is one of those times where I feel like my opinion does not matter and we need to listen to the people who it actually affects.
Daijné:I think world problems could be better solved if we actually listen to the people who were affected by those problems, because, as I said before, I think the best way to learn something is through a lived experience, and so if we would listen to people who actually live that experience, I think the world would know more peace and we would actually be further than we are now. So I say all that to say I stand 10 toes behind Samira. I stand 10 toes behind I'm Davin. Go listen to them and allow them to educate you. It is so important. All forms of oppression need to be talked about, need to be taken seriously. Literally none of us are free until we're all free. So please go listen to these beautiful ladies, educate yourselves, and I'm shutting the fuck up because, again, my opinion does not matter.
Daijné:Thank you guys so much for watching today's episode. I hope everyone's having a good week, except for that orange chick lady, and I will talk to you in the next episode. Peace and love. Talk to you later. The Napkin in Between, hosted by Daijné Jones, produced by Daijné Jones, post-production by Daijné Jones, music by Sam Champagne and graphics by Isma Vidal. Don't forget to like and subscribe. See you next.