The Napkin In Between

Starstruck, Sexism, & The System: The Diddy Documentary

• Daijné Jones • Season 1 • Episode 46

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The photos from a thirtieth birthday party sparked something bigger than nostalgia: a reminder that peace is a choice you have to defend. I talk about cutting off toxic ties—even when they’re family—and how that pain made room for a community that actually shows up. That shift sets the stage for a harder conversation sparked by the new documentary on Diddy and the accounts surrounding Cassie Ventura: what happens when jurors bring celebrity worship and misogyny into the room where justice is supposed to live.

I unpack the moments that made my blood boil—like a juror recalling a decades-old TV head-nod while doubting a survivor’s memory of kidnapping—and why “separate the art from the artist” is often just cover for ignoring harm. We address the dangerous myth of “why didn’t she just leave,” especially when an abuser also controls contracts, income, and public narrative. From video evidence of forced returns to the mechanics of coercive control, we connect the dots on how power silences, distorts, and then gets rewarded for it.

This conversation isn’t about celebrity gossip; it’s about culture, trauma literacy, and the systems that keep failing people who speak up. I share personal lessons on boundaries and peace, then widen the lens to demand better: smarter jury selection, less starstruck coverage, and a public that recognizes trauma responses as evidence of harm, not contradictions. If you care about accountability, community, and making space for survivors to be believed, you’ll find clarity and fire here.

Listen, share with someone who needs to hear it, and tell me: what boundary protected your peace this year? If the episode moved you, subscribe, leave a review, and pass it on. Your voice helps push this conversation into rooms where it matters most.

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Speaker:

Is this thing on? Hello, hello. Uh-oh. Another yapper with a mic. Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Napkin Mattain Podcast. I am your host, Daijne Jones. I hope everyone's been having a good week, except for the Orange Drink Lady. Of course. So as you all may know, my birthday was a couple weeks ago, and earlier this week I finally got the photos back for my birthday. Like where I had my birthday, had a photographer, and so there was a photographer there who was like taking photos and uh videos, so I got like a cute little like two-minute video of just like my party. And I am just feeling so grateful to just be surrounded by so much love. Like I had a like I threw a party for my 30th birthday, and like my family and friends came. My family flew from Atlanta to come to my birthday. And like looking back on all the photos and the videos and stuff, like I'm just so grateful for my community, both my online community and my in real life communities. Like, I just feel like I'm surrounded by so many good people, and I love that for me because there was a time, conversation for another day. I'm not gonna get too into it, but there was a time where I was surrounded by fucking haters. And if you've ever been surrounded by people who secretly hate you, like I don't feel like I need to elaborate further. Like, it's like there's always this like unspoken competition, or like they always have like this animosity towards you, and the worst part of it all, like when I was surrounded by people who low-key hated me, like they were family, blood related, you know what I mean? So it's like knowing that there was always this like animosity from them, I'm like, y'all are supposed to be the closest to me, you know what I mean? And I feel like I fought so hard to like prove myself in those relationships, like, no, like we're cool, like we could just vibe, you know what I mean? Because I like again, they were my family, and so I'm like, I want to have a relationship with you, but like at the end of the day, like you're toxic, and no matter how hard I try to have this relationship, it's never going to be what I want it to be. And that was like such a hard thing to come to terms with to know that like I had to either stay in those relationships and realize that they were just always gonna be tumultuous in some way, or I could end those relationships and not have those relationships, which is hard, like that sucks because like you're my sister, you're my brother, like I would love to have a relationship with you, but at the end of the day, you're toxic. You're toxic, and really the only reason that we even have a relationship is because I'm allowing you to cross my boundaries, I'm allowing you to walk all over me, I'm allowing you to disrespect me. And so is this even really a relationship, or is it just like I don't know what the word is, like you using me, I guess in some way to benefit yourself. Like that's not a relationship. If you're in somebody's life and the majority of that relationship is them just like using you or disrespecting you or whatever, like that's not a real relationship. And so having to come to terms with that and like cut people off who I really, really wanted relationships with was really, really hard. However, and I've said this before, when you cut off or add relationships with people who don't truly value you, you open up the door for people who do truly value you to come into your life and to have actual real healthy relationships. And so looking back at the pictures and the videos from my party, like I'm just so grateful that I have people in my life who truly value me and truly respect me. And like I had friends who drove in four hours to come to my party, some took the train. Like I said, my family flew from Atlanta. Like, I just love when people show, like, I love having a community where people show up for you, you know what I mean? And like obviously it's reciprocated, like I would show up for them as well, and they know that. And I just love that I have just amazing people in my corner. So that's been like really the peak of my week, is just like looking back at, you know, my party and just like again, it's the end of the year, so I'm like reminiscing and looking back over the year, and like this is truly one of the best years that I've had in my life. Like, I'm chasing my dreams with content creation. I have people in my life, like I can't name one person in my life right now that I like feel like there's any sort of like toxicity or negativity in our relationship. Like, all of my relationships right now are extremely healthy, and that's why, like, once you have a healthy relationship, it's like this is shit I've been putting up with in my past. Like, why would I do myself like that? And that's like really where I am. Like, if you do not add peace and just like zero toxicity to my life, like you you gotta go. You don't gotta go home, but you gotta get the fuck out of my life. Like, I don't know where you're going. I don't really care, best of luck to you, but you can't stay around here because once you have peace, like it's absolutely priceless, and you just don't I there's just no room for any sort of like we get one fucking life. One fucking life. Why the fuck would I spend it around people who are toxic or people who don't value me or respect me? No more of that, no more of that. So it was just nice to look back and see like all my friends and family, and just like I truly feel like I have the best relationships and the best people in my life right now, and uh, it's just so peaceful. I love it. We love peace, we love peace. So that has been the peak of my week. Please tell me the peak of your week. Something that made you smile, kept you grounded, kept you sane in the chaos of the world. And speaking of peace, actually segueing into what we're gonna talk about today, a person that I hope is just overwhelmed by peace for the rest of their life is Cassie Ventura. Cassie fine. I hope that that woman is experiencing and living a life of just so much peace and so much just like calmness. And the reason I'm thinking about this is because the Diddy documentary came out, I don't know if it was last week or when it came out, but it came out recently and I watched it last week. And thinking back to the trial, I could not for the life of me understand how the fuck they found that man not guilty. I was so confused because I just felt like there was an overwhelming amount of evidence to prove the case, and so I'm like, how the fuck did this man get off? Like, obviously, he was convicted of some of the charges, but for like the the bigger charges of like the Rico charge and things like that, like he was found not guilty. And I'm like, how? Like, I just did not understand. But watching that documentary and hearing from those two jurors, juror 160 and juror 75, I think the man's juror number was. I I understand now, and I feel like I'm disappointed but not surprised. Like, I feel like I should have knew from the beginning why he got gone off, and it's because people are so fucking male-centered, and people don't believe victims, unless the victim is fucking dead, because that's the only perfect victim. People will try to find a way to blame the victims, and listening to these two jurors talk in the documentary, case in fucking point. First of all, that woman juror, juror 160, made the back of my throat itch so fucking much. Every time she was on my screen with that damn smirk, my blood was boiling, boiling. Because, first of all, I don't even understand how she was selected to be on that jury. That bitch was so fucking fanned out, so incredibly fanned out, and you could tell, I don't know how she was like recruited for the documentary and how people reached out to her to be on the documentary or whatever. But you could just tell, even in the documentary, like her even being included. I know that she thought that she was like hot shit being included. Like, oh my god, yes, they've reached out to me. Like, this is my moment, this is my time to shine. Unbeknownst to her, the reason that she was put in the documentary is because Diddy, or I'm sorry, not Diddy, 50 Cent wanted to show how fucking fanned out this bitch was for Diddy. And like, I I just know you can just tell the way that she was speaking, the way that she was, it was going right over her head. The whole purpose as to why she was in this documentary. Like, girl, you are so fanned out. She was mentioning, like, oh my god, I'm getting pissed off. Just like thinking about it. I feel like I'm screaming. Let me calm down. Let's take a deep breath. Let's all take a deep breath together. Ready? Okay, what was I saying? In the documentary, she's mentioning things like the way Diddy nodded his head in making the band 20-some years ago. And she can remember the way Diddy would nod his head and the way like things about him from the doc or from the TV show. And then in the same breath, she turned around and said that she didn't know if she could believe Capricorn Clark's testimony. Because how could she remember all of those details from so long ago? What? Like, what? Like, you're you're telling me that you can remember the way this man nodded his head 20-some years ago in a TV show. But this woman recounting what was probably the most traumatic event of her life being kidnapped? You're saying that it's unbelievable that she can remember that? I just I genuinely don't have words because how the fuck does that make a lick of fucking sense to you? How the fuck does that make oh my god, I'm so I'm getting irritated just thinking about it because bitch, the the only reason you feel like Capricorn Clark was lying or you're questioning her credibility is because you're fanned the fuck out. It's because you you're in the room with this fucking mega celebrity, and you can't you can't separate yourself. That's why when people are like, oh, I still listen to so-and-so's music because I I'm separating the art from the artist. That's literally in fucking possible. Like you can't separate the art from the artist. Especially, y'all will say shit like that about people like R. Kelly, like people who who defend so listening to R. Kelly's music. The first defense was, well, his victims are the royalties from his songs go to the victims. That's not real. That's not real. He did have to pay victims um restitution, but the restitution was, I think it was like $500,000 or something along those lines. So after he reached that pay threshold, now all of that goes back to him. So people are like, oh, I listened to it because the the proceeds go to the victims. Not real. False, not real. And a simple Google search would tell you that. But then when people realize that, like that that's not real, then their next thing to excuse themselves from use listening to his music is, oh, well, I'm separating the art from the artist. So explain to me, like I'm five, how you're able to separate the art from the artist when in some of R. Kelly's uh songs, he's literally talking about his crimes. So how are you separating the art from the artist when he's literally singing about the shit that he was doing, the fuck up shit that he was doing, and you're just be bopping around listening to it. You bitches piss me off. Like you bitches piss me off so much. You're so male-centered, you don't give a fuck about victims, and you'll whatever excuse that you can think of to excuse your behavior that you know is fucking shitty, that you know is fucking shitty, you'll use it because for some reason that makes you feel better. I hate you bitches. I hate you bitches. And that woman juror was the exact same way. She could not separate Diddy from his like fame. She was so fucking fanned out, and she's talking about some. Oh, I'm not really a fan of Diddy. I'm not really a fan. Bitch, you're talking about how you remembered the way he nodded his fucking head, and you're trying to say that you're not a fucking fan. Please don't piss me off. Please do not piss me off. And then she's talking about some, yeah, we were making the same facial expressions at some points, and it you could tell that we were on the same page. You're not even supposed to be looking in his direction to even realize that you guys were on the same page, and also the fact that you're using your free will to say with a fucking smirk on your face that you were on the same page as a man who was on trial for sex trafficking, and a man that you had heard kidnap somebody, you've heard this person recount the story of them being kidnapped by this man, and you're proud of the fact that you felt like you were on the same page as him. You bitches make my throat itch. You make my throat itch because what the fuck are you talking about? Mind you, y'all were on the same page because he was manipulating you. He was manipulating you, which is why the judge threatened to remove him from the courtroom if he would not stop trying to interact with the jury, because what he was doing was manipulating you. And then you're like, then the bitch is like, oh, I don't think he was interacting with the jury. Mind you, you're talking about how y'all were on the same page and y'all were having the same visual expressions. But yeah, he's not trying to interact with you. But he's looking over at y'all and like nodding, and this is from your own recount, by the way. Her own fucking mouth, if no one has watched, if you haven't watched the documentary. She talks about how there were times when Diddy would be nodding his head, or he would like, if somebody said something in court that didn't make sense, he would kind of like make this face at the jury, like, uh, are are we all here the same thing? So, yes, bitch, that is him interacting with you, but you can't fucking see that because you have on these fucking glasses, or you're so fucking fanned out that you cannot separate the fact you can't separate this man from his fame and realize that he is a fucking demon reincarcerated. Like, oh my god. And then the man, the male juror, I think juror 75, I think, proudest fucking member of the misogynist and victim blamers club that I have ever seen in my entire life. All this man said, you could neither one of them were unbiased. The woman wasn't unbiased because she was fan the fuck out, and the man wasn't unbiased because he was a raging fucking misogynist. Like, what like what are we talking about? He's sitting up there talking about some well, Cassie wanted the life of fame, so you know that this is what comes with the life of fame. Can we be fucking for real? Can we be fucking for real? Like, blaming Cassie, who was 19 and fairly new to the music industry, when she met Diddy, who was 37 and not at all new to the music industry, for Diddy abusing her and grooming her and purposely making it so that he controlled every aspect of her life because not only were they in a romantic relationship, but he was technically her boss. She was signed to his label and signed a 10 album contract. A 10 album contract. Let's look. I I did this before and I can't remember the number, so I'm just gonna look really quick. But let's see how many albums Beyonce has released in the last 10 years. And I I'm just using Beyonce, but we all know Beyonce, like her work ethic is unlike any person I've ever seen. So let's say, okay, so first album from Beyonce, 2003 Dangerously in Love. 2003 to 2019 marks the span of Beyonce releasing 10 albums. 2003 to 2019, that is 16 years. In 16 years, Beyonce released 10 albums. Diddy knew exactly what he was doing when he had Cassie sign that contract. He knew exactly what he was doing. He knew that if he controlled every aspect of her life from the romantic to the professional, she's she's under his control. What can she do? Genuinely. And I think people don't understand. It's hard enough to leave a relationship that is abusive and that you're being like manipulated in when all it is is just romantic connection, right? But think about on top of the romantic connection, now that that person controls every aspect of your career, and not only that, he was huge in the music industry for whatever fucking reason. I honestly looking back, I said this the other day, watching the people talk about how untalented Diddy was in the documentary, like it never really clicked to me because I never really paid much attention to Diddy. But now looking back, like I can only name one song off the top of my head of like that Diddy's on, and it's I'll be missing you, right? And the only parts of that song that I really enjoy are the chorus and the bridge, the parts where Diddy's not a part of the song. And so I I don't understand how he got so big because even like in the documentary, the people were talking about how he was just sitting around and he would have them listening to other people's things, and then he would just do what other people were doing. Like, it's not like he was innovative in any way. Like, I don't understand how he even got to be as big as he as he was, but he was huge. So imagine if Cassie had tried to get out of the the contract or the professional side of the of their relationship. He absolutely had the the power to blackball her in the industry, and all this woman wanted, this teenager at the time wanted was to to to sing and to dance and to whatever. Like, you know what I'm saying? So it's like he controlled every aspect of her life from her emotions to her professional career, and he did that on purpose. You'll never convince me that he did not know exactly what the fuck he was doing. And so for people to be like, like for this juror to be like, oh, well, that's the life that she wanted, so that's what she has to deal with. That's fucking crazy. But then on top of that, he's like, Well, why didn't she just leave? So let's think about what happened when Cassie did try to leave. Because there's literal video evidence, video evidence of her trying to leave, and this man chased her down in a towel and drug her back by her hair. Not only that, Capricorn Clark had just testified about Cassie being with Kid Cuddy and her being kidnapped, Capricorn Clark being. Kidnapped and Diddy telling her, I'm you're not going anywhere until I find Cassie until until we get Cassie. Like there was also another incidence where he had like people jump out of a moving car to chase her down and drag her back when Cassie tried to leave. So for people to ask, Oh, why didn't she just leave? Why didn't she do anything? It's fucking preposterous. You guys have to be so fucking for real. Jesus, be a critical thought, I beg. I beg. Like, what are we talking about? Like, it does not take a rocket scientist to be able to put all of these pieces together. Especially when they're like, oh, we can't believe Capricorn Clark. Like, we don't know. Okay. You don't want to believe her, but you also don't believe your fucking eyes. Because again, there's video footage of what happened when Cassie tried to leave. So what like genuinely, what are we talking about? Please be so fucking for real. But the the problem is people are so fucking male-centered, and people want to figure out a way to try to blame the victim rather than blaming the man who perpetuated this system and this environment of just violence and turmoil and chaos. No matter who it is, people will always try to find a way to blame the victims. And it is the most disgusting thing because people want this perfect victim. There is no perfect victim. The only time that people really see a perfect victim is if the victim is dead. And it's so it is so fucked up. It's so fucked up. It's like no matter how a person tries to come forward with their story of abuse, people are always gonna try and find a problem with it. Well, why didn't she leave? Well, why didn't she speak up sooner? Well, why didn't she this? Why didn't she that? How about why didn't this man fucking abuse her? How about instead of trying to hold the victim accountable for the abuser's behavior, we blame the abuser? Crazy fucking concept. And I wish that I know that I don't think that this can happen because of double jeopardy and not being allowed to try a person for the same crime twice, but I think it's quite obvious that these jurors did not go into this case with an unbiased mindset. They're very, very biased, either fan the fuck out or just victim blamers. Like both, they're just male-centered at the end of the day. And like that's it's not surprising because that is a society that we live in. We live in a patriarchy, and people are always making excuses and trying to excuse the actions of men, but it's like fuck. I just don't understand how you can see something with your own fucking eyes and just not believe your eyes. Like, even if I I think that it's super fucked up to say that Capricorn Clark was too emotional, or how did she remember all of those details? Like, that's basic trauma. Like, it's not a far-fetched scenario for someone to be emotional or to remember details when recounting something that was extremely traumatic for them. That's that's a normal response to a traumatic event, and like responses to traumatic events also manifest in several different ways. Like for some people, your brain might block out the traumatic experience completely, and then you might like as time goes on, you might be starting to remember like things that happen. And so sometimes when that happens, people will be like, Oh, well, why is her story changing? Why is this, why is that? Because it was a traumatic experience, and people don't process those traumatic experiences all the same way. Like, my response to a traumatic experience might be completely different from someone else's response, and that's normal, that's okay. But I think people don't understand or realize that, like, that's a thing that happens, and so they they view the that person's traumatic response through their own lens, which is what it's problematic. Like, you can't do that. Everyone processes a traumatic experience differently, and just because someone's response is different doesn't mean that they're somehow wrong or there's something wrong with their response. Like, that's just how the world works, and it's so unfortunate. I think not understanding trauma and how it can manifest and people can process it, along with Diddy being famous or a celebrity or whatever. I think this case was fucked from the beginning, and I hate that because victims deserve justice, they deserve to be believed, they deserve for their abusers to be held accountable, and this is why this cycle keeps repeating. People are like, oh, well, why don't victims come forward? Why don't they share their stories? Because look, look what happens when they do, they're immediately picked apart. People are immediately like, how can we blame the victim? How can we make this their fault? How can we excuse this man's problematic behavior? And then it's just a vicious cycle that continues. People blame the victim. Why didn't the victim come out? Other people see that. Other people who might have stories see that. Now they're afraid to come out. Eventually they wake up the courage, they come out. People start to pick them apart, they're blamed, and the victim, they hold the victim more accountable than the abuser. And then it's again, why didn't the victim come out? It's a this vicious fucking cycle, and it's so disgusting and so disturbing. And I just I was hopeful. I really was because I felt like there was so much evidence that incriminated him, but I'm I'm not at all surprised that he wasn't held accountable in the way that I feel like he should have. Like he again, he was found guilty for the smaller charges, but for the bigger charges, he was found not guilty. And now I think with this documentary, we all have a better understanding as to why. Because we had fanned out bitches on the jury, we had misogynistic victim blamers on the jury, and I wish I could hug every victim individually and just let them know, like it's not you, it's the system. And this whole system, it like I don't even think we can reform it at this point. It needs to be torn down completely and just rebuilt from the bottom up. Because I just don't understand how things like this can keep happening. Abusers just continue to get away, and then people are like, Well, why didn't she speak? Why didn't she come forward? Hello. Like, because y'all don't create safe environments for victims to speak. The the speed at which people go to defend abusers is absolutely fucking crazy. Like, and y'all don't see how fucking weird that is. Like, holy shit, it's so fucking weird. But to every person who has a story who has been a victim at some point, I want you to know how strong you are. It's not you, it is not your fault, it's not your fault for it happening to you, it's not your fault for the the system that we live in that will immediately try to blame you. And I just hope that you experience so much peace, so much peace, and never stop speaking up for yourself, never stop advocating for yourself. And I I truly hope that one day we will have a system that holds people accountable, regardless of of if they have celebrity status, whoever the fuck they are, it does not matter. Abusers need to be held accountable. And for the sick and disgusting, male-centered and victim-blaming people who just spend so much time trying to figure out how you can blame a victim for their abuse. I hope that you know how fucking disgusting you are. Like, I hope that you never know peace, actually. Like, that's so like you are the worst type of person to try and figure out a way to blame a victim for their abuse rather than holding the abuser accountable. You are the worst type of person. And I wish nothing but the absolute worst for you. I hope that you uh never sleep well, and I hope your pillow is warm on both fucking sides. I hope you stub your toe on every corner you come across. I hope you get a fucking hangnail on every fucking nail that you have. I hope that you burn your tongue on soup every time you go and try to eat it. Like, I just hope the absolute worst for you. And I just hope that one day you'll wake up and realize how fucked up you are and how disgusting it is to blame a victim for their abuse rather than holding the abuser accountable. I actually hate you, bitches. And a big fuck you to everyone and anyone who's your first thought is to blame the victim when you are presented with literal fucking evidence of a person being abused. Like you're disgusting, and I actually fucking hate you. Hope that helps. Thank you guys so much for tuning against today's episode. I hope everyone has a good week, except for that orange lady and people who blame victims and people who are male-centered and fanned out ass bitches. And I will talk to you in the next episode. Peace and love. Talk to you later. The napkin in between, hosted by Daijne Jones, produced by Daijne Jones, post production by Daijne Jones, music by Sam Champagne, and graphics by Isma Vidal. Don't forget to like and subscribe. See you next episode.