TAPE 28 - "Bills Topless Billboard" Artwork

The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck

The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck is a documentary-style audio descent into a place that shouldn't exist—but very much insists that it does.

Once a forgotten military outpost in the depths of Northern Ontario, Bootstuck has taken on a life of its own. Discovered only through a pile of mislabeled cassette tapes at a Sudbury garage sale, the story of Bootstuck slowly unravels through scattered interviews, cryptic clues, and increasingly bizarre residents. The deeper you listen, the more you realize — this isn't just a town. It's a puzzle. And somewhere in that puzzle?

A plane crash that changed everything.

Somewhere between folklore, found audio, and fever dream, Bootstuck blurs the line between documentary and delusion—offering listeners a place to get lost in, over and over again.

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The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck

TAPE 28 - "Bills Topless Billboard"

July 06, 2025 • Richard Vandentillaart / Nick Vardon • Season 1 • Episode 28

Another tape and I'm not sure if the numbering is sequential because the subject matter certainly isn't. No introduction, no real context and no interviewer—just Don ranting about Bill's “topless billboard.” He claims it lost the entire top half in a storm, leaving only the bottom and needing a rebuild from a topless neighbour. There’s back and forth about whose job it is to fix it, if anyone even reads it, and whether a warning sign telling people to stay away is worth the trouble. Partway through, the recording gets interrupted by opera music coming from somewhere nearby—no apology, no comment, just loud singing over the argument. Then later, weirdly, there’s an old Dristan nasal spray ad that plays as if they’d taped over it by accident.They keep right on talking like none of that happened. By the end, they’re debating whether anyone can even measure distance in proper units when all they have is how long it takes to walk somewhere in “minutes,” and Bill is threatening to repaint the billboard himself.

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0:05

Whoop.Yo.I'm hunting horn now.Whoop, I'm here.Are you calling me or not calling in here?Well, I think we called the show.I want to call you Dave, but that ain't your name.Well, my person is named Dave, but my likeness,the citizen, is also Dave, but I'm not Dave.There's the Barbard Games two are coming around town.now I'm going to sing opera.What's happening?You' the morning to eat breakfastThen I took a show Can't close the door.I can't hear anything.Sorry about that.Anywho, the Parlor Games tour wants to come and set up and bootstuff for about three hours or so, where you play darts,pocket pool, and hornholio and bucklechuff.Well, you going, sir?But would you be interested in having the partner games come to town?Well, I don't think that there would be any issue with us the game's upI got a question, though.I don't know what Hornhole is.I don't know what, what was it?Fuck.Py Hug?Py Hug.Yeah, Tuckleft.Something like that.Shuffle the partner.Fuck.I don't know what those are.Oh.That's a partner game is what it is.Something like that, anyway.I'd be nice.Well know, my concern, this mayor, is it bringingsome advertisem perhaps Bill's been building the billboard.He ain't got nothing to put on it.Maybe they can bringsome ads, put on Bill's billboard.Oh, that would be that.That's be real nice.Maybe even if they just brought us 112 magazines and wecan rip out the ones we like bass, you know.So on Fridays, we can put up printing, make people smitting real hard when they drive back.But on Sundays, we can put up anything that we.Because we' luck.Drist dance's like sending your sinuses to Arizona.Yes, D dance like Arizona.It'chy.Where'd you go?I'm right here.Where did y'all at?I don't know what that was.Did you hear that?I don't know, but I got a new soda in my cup..And my soda's pretty full right now, but hold on a second.My soda's a little bit less than it was before.Did you microwave it?Did that microwave?I saw a couple of problems there.We don't have a highwayNow, if you want to say rural Row, we could put it on the rule row, that's only 48 kilometers down yonder.We could put up a build door between there and yonder.That'd be real nice.We're not having strong negotiations with yonder right now.We don't want them to benefit from honor advertising.They have a bigger budget than we do.Lastterday on my walk, I found tree nickel sitting on the row.Well, that's 15 cents.I can buy you an old stack of magazines over at the Ustuff Store.Yeah, that's Jed buyy and sell it again.Stuff and S. No, it was supposedto be a Stuff and such, but his wife, not that.I'm supposed to know this.Oh, no.Yeah, I don't even need to finish it, right?No.She let's just say she's stuffing such to him.Well, I'm fair to say, because, you know, got her first.I caught her last Tuesdayover at Bill's place, helping Bill make the board.And, well, she wasn't wearing no top.Oh..So double trouble.It's interesting that Bill's an outdoor advertising.He's never actually been outside. one time he went outside,he said, "Put a garbage bag over top of me. protect me from there. elements, Wat Osha."So I did that for him.Then he proceeded to walk into trees.So turned him around three times.Bill's not very bright.Nope, but we'll go bring them in tonight before he gets too dark.Bring them in.Make sure he gets some foodand you might want to clean him up a touch.He's starting to smell like the wet end of town.I'll let the parlor games know we're passing, and we're going to give up all that free advertising.What the heck's a parlers?I don't know.It's where they put the game?I think that if we pass on there, our chances of doingthe Olympics is kind of not going to happenThey got corners?oin in the Olympics?I don't think so.No, I thing to sell it at the concession stand.Of course, we have the strangest conversations here, boosticks.Thank you for listeninging.We might have stinging

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Nick Vardon

Host

Richard Vandentillaart

Host