TAPE 34 - "The Lollipop Song"

 A long-distance call with questionable audio quality spirals quickly into fashion advice, livestock comparisons, silent Caleb, and a surprisingly long telephone cord.

Listeners are introduced to a popular local garment — a fleece-lined “chook” (hat) — made of lamb wool and allegedly topped with a rabbit testicle pom-pom. If no rabbits are available, a fairy substitute will do. The logistics are unclear.

Music preferences in Bootstuck are discussed, but the town’s recent shipment of broken Bluetooth earbuds means no one can actually hear anything — leading to mass public singalongs that are entirely disconnected and wildly off-key. Gerald has blue teeth and is therefore assumed to be the key to solving this.

Meanwhile, Caleb remains silent, which is apparently normal. Internal organ communication is suspected.

A box-delivered phone cord — one kilometer long — allows the caller to take calls deep into the woods, provided he doesn’t go uphill. He just follows the cord home. The math checks out.

Key Moments:

• Fleece hats with rabbit or fairy anatomy
• Gerald’s blue teeth = community Bluetooth
• Music headphones that don’t play music
• A one-kilometer landline shared with Dave
• Lollipop time anthem (“Pop pop pop!”)

If you’ve ever tried to get a straight answer in a snowstorm while wearing a testicle hat and shouting Britney lyrics into a dead Bluetooth earbud — this one’s for you.

www.bootstuck.com

Transcript

Speaker 01: 0:01

Hard

Speaker 00: 0:06

to hear you. We're far away from each other, right? Like... Sorry, you've got some questions. I can answer them. Okay, let's just go through them here. He wants to know the most popular food. Chook? Or food? Chook? Chook? I didn't think we were that far from each other, to tell you the truth. Anyhoo, what did you want to know about my chook? Chook? Your chook. You know what? Why don't you just tell me about your chook? Sounds like a good time to me. Today I got a good one on. Fuzzy on the inside, like a fleece. You ever know about a fleece? Fleece comes from a little lamb. Baa, baa, black sheep. Nope. But mine's white. It's different. I don't know if all of them are supposed to be black or if that's just the odd duck. Odd ducks. I don't have duck feathers inside of my hat, though, so we'll stay on topic. Oh, no. Pom-pom on top. That's made out of a rabbit testicle. The little ball on the top of your tooth. They're very fuzzy, and they bubble around. It's made of rabbit testicles? Most of the time, yeah. Fairy, if you can't find a rabbit. But rabbits are pretty common around here. You guys got a rabbit near you? We certainly We certainly do, but they have very small testicles. We have pretty large rabbits out here. They're about the size of a small John Deere. A rabbit the size of a tractor. I'm just holding up my hand and thinking maybe you've got one of them video phones. I doesn't. It's hard to tell. Oh, my God. How many more questions you got? What kind of music do people listen to up in Boopsta? Oh. If you wanted to listen to Britney Spears... You'd have to sing it real loud. We'll call Gerald over. I'm going to call him. Hang on. I've got another line here. Hold this line for me. That's going to... Gerald! If you hold a string, you got the same type of thing I got? You hold a string, even if you don't got can, you put your lips on it and yell, get out! It'll go all the way to the other side. What are you on about? We got a shipment six weeks to a day ago, minus the moon, and inside the box, Tiny little headphones, but with no wires. They're broken. Everybody got a pair of them. There's no music coming out of the headphones, so you've got to sing louder. They just walk around with them in their ears, singing to themselves out loud. But nobody can hear what they're singing because everyone's got the headphones on. I think those are earbuds that you've gotten. You have to turn them on, and they're connected through Bluetooth. Yeah!

Unknown: 2:42

Oh!

Speaker 00: 2:42

We'll call Gerald over because he's got blue teeth. That'll be helpful to us. Gerald, we're going to have music tomorrow. We're going to move on to the questions. Gerald loves Britney Spears. You should see the stack of wood Caleb made this year. Yeah, woo-hoo. Not slanty at all. I'll skip a couple of questions because Caleb is on there. People want to know why Caleb doesn't talk. Yeah, he does sometimes. What do they call it? Internal. So I think his liver talks to his lungs. You can hear him muttering. So before we lose you, let's see if we can end this. You won't lose me too much. I've got a long cord. now. So I can go out into the woods for about a kilometer and a half. Well, it depends if you're going uphill or downhill. And I can go all that way. So getting lost is going to be difficult. I just followed the cord back home. You have a one kilometer long cord for the phone? Yep. How? I didn't make it. It came in a box. So that's why Dave uses the same phone as me. Sometimes I just leave it at his house. They sent you a one-kilometer-long song. Yeah! There's a lot going on here. So, in summary... You've got a lot of stuffing. You need stuffing? Oh, God. Maybe these questions are too hard. Mints are hard candy. Yeah. I can offer some wisdom. Talking to you is like a ping-pong ball in a wind tunnel. I'll sing a song if you don't mind. Swoop!

Speaker 01: 4:11

Swoop!

Speaker 00: 4:12

Yep, yep, yep. All right, lollipop time. Yep, yep, lollipop time, lollipop

Speaker 01: 4:21

time. Yep, yep. Yep, yep. Think about it. A lollipop, pop, pop, pop, pop, lollipop time. Pop, pop,

Speaker 00: 4:32

pop. Sorry about that. I'm sorry, I didn't get all that. That's okay, I didn't give it all. A lollipop, pop, pop, pop, pop, lollipop.

Unknown: 4:43

And...