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The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck is a documentary-style audio descent into a place that shouldn't exist—but very much insists that it does.
Once a forgotten military outpost in the depths of Northern Ontario, Bootstuck has taken on a life of its own. Discovered only through a pile of mislabeled cassette tapes at a Sudbury garage sale, the story of Bootstuck slowly unravels through scattered interviews, cryptic clues, and increasingly bizarre residents. The deeper you listen, the more you realize — this isn't just a town. It's a puzzle. And somewhere in that puzzle?
A plane crash that changed everything.
Somewhere between folklore, found audio, and fever dream, Bootstuck blurs the line between documentary and delusion—offering listeners a place to get lost in, over and over again.
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 35 - "Lasagna Hut with a Flock of Potatoes"
EPISODE SUMMARY (Tape 35):
A long-distance call with questionable audio quality spirals quickly into fashion advice, livestock comparisons, silent Caleb, and a surprisingly long telephone cord.
Listeners are introduced to a popular local garment made of lamb wool and allegedly topped with a rabbit testicle pom-pom. If no rabbits are available, a Ferret substitute will do. The logistics are unclear.
Music preferences in Bootstuck are discussed, but the town’s recent shipment of broken Bluetooth earbuds means no one can actually hear anything — leading to mass public singalongs that are entirely disconnected and wildly off-key. Gerald has blue teeth and is therefore assumed to be the key to solving this.
Key Moments:
- Fleece hats with rabbit nuts
- Gerald’s blue teeth = community Bluetooth
- Music headphones that don’t play music
- A one-kilometer landline shared with Dave ( Don?)
- Lollipop time anthem (“Pop pop pop!”)
If you’ve ever tried to get a straight answer in a snowstorm while wearing a testicle hat and shouting Britney lyrics into a dead Bluetooth earbud — this one’s for you.
www.bootstuck.com
See it? Sort it. You see it and you know it. You hear it. You know it because somebody else talked about it in the social media flyer. I'm the social media flyer. I gotta get my articles finished. got to get their social media flyer ready because there's going to be boat stuff coming to the ears of everybody and people need to know about it. People need to know and we don't have social media account now to think about it. We're going to have to get ourselves one of those instant gram measure things. Instant grams. Face place. Face place. Any place. Yep. I like to put mine on Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's a good idea. Cross it off the board. Can you be anybody on this place, Face? Face Place. Face Place your face? Where do you place your face? I'm normally a 21-year-old female. I see. So you don't have to be you. No, you can be me, and I can be you. Well, that don't sound right. That's okay. I got a Sharpie. We can change our licenses. How are you going to fake a government document with a Sharpie? Well, you get the same color they use. They use white. I got one of them. Easy peasy. I'll put a mustache on you. Now you look like me.
UNKNOWN:Well...
SPEAKER_00:Better make ourselves a journey out to the Arts and Crafts shed. Yeah, Arts and Crafts shed is shed number 62. And you'll find the key for that, the key shed, shed 7. Get the key for log 62. Find your way a little trolley. Get yourself down there. Take you a while. If I could also inquire if you would be interested in stopping at shed 6. Oh, yeah, they do. They got three types. They got vegetarian lasagna, which is mostly, I guess, vegetables. They got a meat lasagna. It's a mystery beat today. You'll have to guess it. Death will never tell you. The third lasagna is yesterday's lasagna. It's happening. Don't break my heart. Well, Dave's in charge of the garden this year, and he was thinking about growing some flowers. The thing is, he used bird seed. And I have a feeling we're going to have a flock of potatoes this year. A flock of potatoes. Yeah, we used to grow potatoes regularly. They didn't, uh... Tastes so good, so we'll stop eating them. But now that Dave's got the magic bird seed, you should probably have a gaggle of potatoes within about a week.
SPEAKER_01:I see. You planted a garden with bird seed.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, with seed or we'll get some good flowers. Well, Dave likes to experiment with all sorts of things. You know, he's our mayor and gets to kind of do what he wants to do around
SPEAKER_01:here. That's what I've heard. I'm surprised by your logic that you're not going to grow a flock of seagulls.
SPEAKER_00:Well, wouldn't that be interesting if a whole flock of seagulls came out and thrown the bird seed down on the ground and watering it and going like this? Please, no, please Wouldn't that be amazing?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, my God.
SPEAKER_00:I want you to think about how a garden really grows. And in springtime, you know what happens? Nature plants our own garden. We're planting a bird field.
SPEAKER_01:Bird field.
SPEAKER_00:Bird field. We should probably have a couple crows coming by to see what's going on. Then we'll have two. Pretty much a balloon away from an air show.
SPEAKER_01:An air show again.
SPEAKER_00:Every year. But don't worry about the air show this year. There's more excitement coming to town. Yeah. Yeah. We should have... We always had tires and carrots. Now we're going to have potatoes and parsnips. And then later we're going to try and get turnips. That'd be real nice.
SPEAKER_01:Quite the variety. Have you thought about some green vegetables?
SPEAKER_00:Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Yeah, most of the green comes on the trees in the spring. All you do is wait, and then it's like magically the leaves have been painted back again. Uh-oh. Can I call you right back? We've got another message coming in. I'll tell you all about it. All right. Why am I doing that? Hey, happy day. How many apples, how many apples have fallen for me?
