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The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck is a documentary-style audio descent into a place that shouldn't exist—but very much insists that it does.
Once a forgotten military outpost in the depths of Northern Ontario, Bootstuck has taken on a life of its own. Discovered only through a pile of mislabeled cassette tapes at a Sudbury garage sale, the story of Bootstuck slowly unravels through scattered interviews, cryptic clues, and increasingly bizarre residents. The deeper you listen, the more you realize — this isn't just a town. It's a puzzle. And somewhere in that puzzle?
A plane crash that changed everything.
Somewhere between folklore, found audio, and fever dream, Bootstuck blurs the line between documentary and delusion—offering listeners a place to get lost in, over and over again.
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 36 - "Traffic Lights in The Amazon"
In this unusually musical instalment, the town confronts the potential arrival of a Walmart with its usual level of deeply flawed logic and overly enthusiastic planning.
The tape opens with a morning anthem, improvised in real time and including references to jackets, wolves, and " Walking your Steven" Things escalate quickly from there.
Concerned about the rise of future tourism and traffic, the gang discusses installing traffic lights in the center of town. There’s only one problem: Bootstuck has just one intersection and no actual traffic. Solutions include painting the lights black so they don’t bother anyone, or replacing traditional signals with colors like blue — or going back to the system of “just go whenever you want,” which is already in place.
Despite confusion, someone claims to have ordered traffic lights from Amazon — the rainforest, not the website — suggesting Caleb be shipped back in the box to harvest wood. For what purpose? Possibly to carve woodpecker shapes. Or the Bootstuck insignia. It’s unclear.
Highlights Include:
- “Morning Time” sung with full commitment
- A serious debate on black traffic lights
- Misunderstanding Amazon as a rainforest-based manufacturing hub
- Plans to mail Caleb to South America
- Closing jug band number
If you enjoy small-town meetings that spiral into illegal imports, spontaneous folk music, and woodcarving diplomacy with the King of Canada—this one’s a must.
www.bootstuck.com
Hi,
Speaker 02:it's me. Yep, this one's called Morning Time. Okay.
Speaker 01:Yep, morning time. Yep, morning time. And in the mornin' you can look at the time And realize that it's not well o'clock yet That's okay, get your jacket Yeah, it's mornin' time You gotta take a walk, cause you gotta call For a wolf or a season Yeah, it's mornin' time Ooh, mornin'
Speaker 00:What kind of a man is
Speaker 03:he? So I wanted to talk to you about having some traffic lights installed. Yeah,
Speaker 02:because we're going to get a Walmart one day.
Speaker 03:That's possible down the road, but that's exactly the point, is that down the road it's going to start getting busier. And we need to control the traffic if people are going to come up and be hanging in town, shopping, and, you know, as such.
Speaker 02:I like it. Yeah, I like it. Because now, now... When Stephen drives by, he might actually stop.
Speaker 03:Well, we don't have to put anybody up by the side of the road to wave them down.
Speaker 02:No, we don't got to put the spikes out of Dave's name.
Speaker 03:Now, I guess the question is, these lights are quite bright, and the only intersection of roads in Hoogstuck is in the middle of town.
Speaker 02:I got a solution for your problem. Make all the lights black. And then you won't be bothered by him so
Speaker 03:much. How would we see the lights if they're painted
Speaker 02:black? Just get black lights instead. Don't paint them. Just get the black ones. It's about a black ball. It's fine.
Speaker 03:How would we know when to go and when to stop?
Speaker 02:Whenever you want.
Speaker 03:Well, that's what we're doing now.
Speaker 02:Sounds good to me. Red light, yellow light, green light, red light, yellow light, blue light.
Speaker 03:I don't think we need no traffic lights.
Speaker 02:When are they coming?
Speaker 03:I ordered traffic lights on Amazon. You know what the Amazon
Speaker 02:is? It's a jungle in South America. I'm very versed in geography.
Speaker 03:And apparently they build things in the Amazon and they will ship them to you no matter where you live.
Speaker 02:And then they send it over? And then you open it up, and then you've got a box to play with for Christmas.
Speaker 03:Sometimes there's something inside the box as well, which is what I did.
Speaker 02:Wait, are the kids building it? What's going on?
Speaker 03:Uh, what? Hang on.
Speaker 02:You can build anything out of wood.
Speaker 03:Well, I ordered a traffic light. I don't know how to go about getting a traffic light.
Speaker 02:What happens when the traffic light comes, if the box is big enough, we put Caleb in the box and send him to the Amazon, and he can get us all kinds of wood.
Speaker 03:That's a good idea. You think he'll do
Speaker 02:it? Yep.
Speaker 03:Caleb! Caleb! Tell him that it would be like a mission.
Speaker 02:Caleb, it's going to be like a mission from the King of Canada, and you're going to go down and make him proud and cut up the wood, preferably in the shape, I like a woodpecker. Make it a woodpecker and bring him back. No.
Speaker 03:Why don't we get him to do the bootstuck insignia?
Speaker 02:Where's that? It sounds like a song.
Speaker 03:Oh, well, let's play some jugs and then we'll end
Speaker 02:the call. Okay.
Speaker 03:One, two, three.
