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The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck is a documentary-style audio descent into a place that shouldn't exist—but very much insists that it does.
Once a forgotten military outpost in the depths of Northern Ontario, Bootstuck has taken on a life of its own. Discovered only through a pile of mislabeled cassette tapes at a Sudbury garage sale, the story of Bootstuck slowly unravels through scattered interviews, cryptic clues, and increasingly bizarre residents. The deeper you listen, the more you realize — this isn't just a town. It's a puzzle. And somewhere in that puzzle?
A plane crash that changed everything.
Somewhere between folklore, found audio, and fever dream, Bootstuck blurs the line between documentary and delusion—offering listeners a place to get lost in, over and over again.
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 37 - "Current Affairs and Squeezin Rita"
What begins with a vague reference to “current affairs” quickly turns into another Bootstuck spiral of half-finished thoughts, potatoes, and emotional trauma. The narrator once again attempts to document meaningful insight from the townsfolk, only to be met with suspicious snuggling rumors, unsettling clown chatter, and a sudden confession about itchy necks and abandoned parents. Somewhere in the chaos, a circus is being planned — or perhaps invented on the spot. Either way, Dave is involved, Caleb may be painting horses, and someone has three photos of snails ready for the big show.
Highlights:
- A cryptic tutorial on “squeezing it a bit” leads directly into a conversation about current affairs, specifically Dave and Rita’s suspicious offseason snuggling.
- Circus talk begins: Caleb may paint horses; Geraldine is offering pigs and mud; snails will be slowly paraded.
- A debate on whether to include clowns. The official position: “Bootstuck ain't got time for evil.”
- Redneck lineage, parental abandonment, and a plaid jacket left behind by a father who disappeared when the speaker was three.
www.bootstuck.com
If you put it over here, stick it in tight, push it down, squeeze it a bit. I'm sorry, clearly I've caught you in the middle of something. Squeeze it a bit. And it's not going inside unless you squeeze it a bit. Oops, too much. I won't even investigate. So I got your message. You wanted to talk to me about something. What was it about? Current affairs. Yep. What current affairs? Dave and Rita's been snuggling off-season. Is that right? Is that right? Rita, this is the woman that comes up and keeps... That seems to be the current affair. Oh, I understand. Tell the world about it because everybody knows about Madonna. Good point. So I'm just checking my notes here. Rita, this is the woman that comes up in the wintertime and keeps everybody warm? Yep. Keep warm with Rita. That's kind of what... We'll be doing December only. But now you know it's February, right? That's a long time from December. Soon it'll be December and then everything will be all messed up again. So talk about it and think about it and let me know in the morning. Thank you. I don't really understand what's being said to me, but that's okay. Some people say I got potatoes in my ears. Doesn't see how they can fit inside my ears. Speaking of potatoes, there was a potato patch the other day I came across, decided to pick a couple of tatties. Sat down, picked about six tatties, put them in the back of my sack and went on my way. Then I remembered the time when somebody had talked to me about a potato famine. Oh, I don't think I'd like that. Potatoes? Potatoes, potatoes, tatties, potatoes. Tomatis, tomatoes, what do you like to do? growth forwards and backwards perpetual motion combination together with acceleration cross those two off the board and then you'll realize that what i said doesn't make sense we're getting the circus coming it down that sounds exciting what kind of animals are you getting caleb gonna paint some horses out back geraldine from yonder is going to bring over two pigs and we're going to get them all muddy and then also we're going to have something else Sounds like quite the circus. Are you going to have clowns? I don't know. Yeah, if you ever listen to the book by King Stephen, there's a clown that comes around, scares you. Don't think we're going to have too many of the clowns at the circus. But what we could do, we could put more pillows under Dave's shirt. More pillows under Dave's shirt. I got three pictures of snails. I'll also show people and move them slowly. You know, I have to agree with you. And as a journalist, to me, the clown is an evil and awful thing. I don't associate them with good things. Many movies have been made about clowns being very evil. Bootstuck, we ain't got time for evil. We're a loving, caring, kind bunch. That is apparent. Who? My parents? All right, fine, we'll get into it. Dad wasn't always the nicest guy, but he did have a really cool plaid jacket, which he gave to me one time when he left when I was three. I'm hanging on to it in case he comes back. You know, it's in the closet, and so is Mother. As a journalist, I have to maintain my integrity, but I have to be observant, and nothing is funnier than a redneck talking about lineage. My neck's really itchy today. I couldn't even wear a collar on my shirt. I had to tear the collar off because it was just itching and itching. I guess tomorrow I can fashion it back with some duct tape. Otherwise, this is my new shirt. Hello, number two?
Unknown:Uh, that's, uh, the, uh... Thank you.
