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The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck is a documentary-style audio descent into a place that shouldn't exist—but very much insists that it does.
Once a forgotten military outpost in the depths of Northern Ontario, Bootstuck has taken on a life of its own. Discovered only through a pile of mislabeled cassette tapes at a Sudbury garage sale, the story of Bootstuck slowly unravels through scattered interviews, cryptic clues, and increasingly bizarre residents. The deeper you listen, the more you realize — this isn't just a town. It's a puzzle. And somewhere in that puzzle?
A plane crash that changed everything.
Somewhere between folklore, found audio, and fever dream, Bootstuck blurs the line between documentary and delusion—offering listeners a place to get lost in, over and over again.
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 66 - The Whoop Ban and Seatless Bicycle Racing
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
A noticeable drop in “whoops” leads to the revelation that Dave’s bout of whooping cough forced a temporary ban on celebratory noises — and some very questionable problem-solving methods. Bootstuck turns its attention to spring entertainment, including a seatless bicycle race through the forest and ongoing recruitment efforts to lure visitors north using a maze of travel instructions and social media flyers.
Local “discoveries” include dream-inducing mushrooms, mood-enhancing campfire plants, and pine sap breakfast enhancements, all presented as perfectly normal community developments. Amid grand ambitions to finally get Bootstuck on the map, the conversation drifts from accidental wisdom to indoor plumbing confusion — ending, as always, with abrupt goodbyes and unfinished plans.
www.bootstuck.com
I think we should find something else to do with our time. Let me look inside of the side.
SPEAKER_00Oh. That's okay.
SPEAKER_03Uh I haven't heard you say whoop in a long time. You depressed?
Hat GuyNo, we actually have realized something about the whoop. About the whoop. Yeah, whoop. It got overused for a little bit. Because, no, well, you don't see you don't got a video phone anymore. Told me so yourself. No, you don't have a video. Dave got the whooping cough. We got real quick tired of that in a hurry fast. So we duct tape Dave's mouth shut, and Dave's been farting up a storm. It can come back now, I guess, but I'm telling you, if Dave starts whooping up again like that, like he did last season. No, no, no. Yep. I kind of like it.
SPEAKER_02I don't suppose there's any psychologists living in Bootstock or in nearby or over there.
Hat GuyPsychologist. Woo! Cyclists. Yeah. We have a couple. Bicycle races are coming today. Yep, because we have two now. Yep, so we can race them. No seats, though. That'll be fun.
SPEAKER_03Oh.
Hat GuyYep, yep, yep.
SPEAKER_03Just out of curiosity, were there any uh volunteers at the ready to ride these bikes?
Hat GuyOh yeah, we got Gerald and Caleb.
SPEAKER_03I see.
Hat GuyThey're gonna go racing through the sack through the trees in the forest. Naked. Woo! Cyclists. Yeah, it'll be fun spring this year up here. You gonna come up?
SPEAKER_05Uh you know, I I'm I think I might be busy this decade. But I'll give it a go at some point, I'm sure.
Hat GuyYeah, let me know if anything clears up for you. It doesn't take long to get here, a day and a half. And then from there, what you'll do is you'll get in the boat. Once you get in the boat, after the boat, you'll have to do a little bit of walking, and then you'll have to resort to the social media flyer for your next instruction. But once you're here, you'll never want to leave.
SPEAKER_05Do you make your own drugs at Bootstock?
Hat GuyUh no.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
Hat GuyFound some mushrooms that's been giving us some interesting dreams lately. Catching stars, putting them in jars. We got a plant that grows green. If you throw it in the campfire, what happens is everybody becomes funny. We like to take the pine cone sap and pour it on our cereal.
SPEAKER_03You know, maybe I could free up some time this summer.
Hat GuyYeah.
SPEAKER_04Well, I'll I'll impart my wisdom because it's timely. Um, it applies directly to this conversation and every conversation I've ever had, and that is embrace the unexpected, for it often holds the greatest blessings.
Hat GuySounds good to me. Well, that was really long. I hope you have a wonderful trip.
SPEAKER_03Oh my god. I'm not going anywhere.
Hat GuyI hope your curtains come right to the floor. It's been nice talking to you.
SPEAKER_03Gotta go.
Hat GuyYou're a nice man. Dave doesn't really realize what he's got going on here, because I believe that you really can bring bootstuck to the map. It'd be nice to finally have our name on the map somewhere other than the one that Caleb wrote. Can't spell right. And he wrote it with a big Sharpie. So now the apparently bootstuck takes over most of North America. Think about it. I gotta go.
SPEAKER_03Oh, oh, okay. Oh, he's gone.
Hat GuyYeah, well, before I go, I'm not gone yet. Gotta put the garden hose away. Somebody brought the garden hose inside.
SPEAKER_00Why did you bring the garden hose inside? Maybe we should go outside with the garden hose and keep the water outside. Oh sorry, we got an indoor pool. Okay, gotta go. I need money.
Hat GuyWhen's a good time to helicopter your genitals at a client? I don't think there's actually an opportunity time. I think it's always a good time.
SPEAKER_03Great icebreaker, and it really sort of sets the tone. Do you ever cup yourself?
Hat GuyUh uh uh I do it all the time. I have to be cautious not to do it when I'm in front of somebody.
