So Your Boss Sucks, Now What?
Bad bosses happen to good people. Join entrepreneur, corporate trailblazer-turned-business strategist, and podcast host Natalie Parker as she unpacks real-life stories of tough leaders and toxic work environments. With Natalie’s expertise in navigating corporate chaos and building strategies for success, this podcast offers practical advice and actionable insights to help you turn workplace challenges into opportunities for growth. Whether you’re dealing with micromanagers, toxic cultures, or just plain bad vibes, this is your go-to guide for taking control, thriving, and proving that when your boss sucks, your success doesn’t have to.
So Your Boss Sucks, Now What?
S3 E7 Cellular Success: How to Thrive When Your Boss Doesn't Get You (Part 1)
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Dr. Mariska Adams-Cadogon embodies what it means to live with purpose, seamlessly blending her roles as chiropractor, educator, and spiritual leader while making each one look effortless. Her journey from biology researcher to alternative school teacher to administrator reveals how our spiritual gifts manifest regardless of our professional title.
The conversation explores Mariska's fascinating career path, which took unexpected turns when she discovered that laboratory research didn't provide the human connection she craved. A chance car accident introduced her to chiropractic care, launching her into a healing profession where she excelled - sometimes too much for her supervisors' comfort. With remarkable candor, she shares stories of workplace jealousy and the courage it took to walk away from toxic situations, maintaining that "loyalty will always be to God, my family, and myself, and work does not make the list when any of that is in danger."
Perhaps most compelling are Mariska's experiences teaching in alternative schools, where she worked with students others had written off. Her innovative approaches and deep empathy transformed classrooms, resulting in extraordinary academic achievements from students labeled "troublemakers." Through creative teaching methods tailored to what she calls "the haves and have-nots" - bright but bored students and those hiding learning difficulties behind bad behavior - she demonstrated how powerful the right educational approach can be.
Mariska's wisdom about organizational systems resonates far beyond education. Her observation that "systems aren't designed to support individuals; they're designed to accomplish the system's goals" explains why talented people often find themselves pigeonholed. Her advice? "Don't let your credentials go stale waiting for recognition" - sometimes the only path forward requires leaving comfortable positions.
What's your loyalty priority list? Where does work fall on that spectrum? Join us for this powerful, two-part conversation about purpose, resilience, and the courage to create your own path.
Don't let your boss suck the life out of you.
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Introduction to Dr. Mariska Adams-Kotogan
Speaker 1I had a seventh grader that he lived with his mother . He knew his father for sure because the father , quiet as kept and in my observational opinion , was this boy's father but also his drug boss , because I think he ran drugs for the father .
Speaker 2Have you ever met someone who could align your spine , teach a class , sing you're so happy and still show up with snacks and sparkle Like she's got a whole Beyonce production team behind her ? Well , let me introduce you to my friend , dr Mariska Adams-Kotogan Chiropractor , educator , worshiper , wife , mother , sister and the one and only Nana to a set of twins who absolutely adore her . Mariska is black girl , magic personified , blending brilliance and compassion , degrees and devotion and a whole lot of Jesus , with just the right amount of don't play with me energy . A Bennett Bell and my sister of nearly three decades . She brings wisdom , wit and warmth into every room that she enters , from adjusting bodies and uplifting spirits , from leading classrooms to loving them deeply , mariska does it all and makes it look effortless .
Speaker 2In this episode , we celebrate sisterhood , purpose and the power of a woman walking fully in her light . If you've ever wondered what it looks like to live in purpose with a capital P , then you need to meet Dr Mariska Adams-Kadogim educator , healer , singer and an all-around force of nature who reminds us that we can be everything that we're called to be . Get ready for laughs , lessons and a whole lot of love with my girl , dr Cadogan . Hey , girl , hey , I'm so glad to have you on . You were probably one of the first people I told that I was going to have a podcast and I was like I've got to have you on . You were probably one of the first people I told that I was going to have a podcast and I was like I've got to have you on , and so I am glad to have you .
Speaker 1I'm glad to be here with you always . You know how much I love you .
Speaker 2I've been known to show up with snacks and sparking . Behind me Two decades . Two and a half decades Adams , katoka , sure , her wife Madonna . Two and a half decades . I feel like you've mastered the business . Live in purpose . You've mastered the business . How does a biology major turned chiropractor get into education , get ready for life , girl doctor .
Speaker 1A biology major turned chiropractor get into education . So I think that I'll start by saying that I tell people all the time that your spiritual gifts show up , no matter what your job is and no matter what my job has been Dr Cado , teacher , hey girl . So that being one of my major spiritual gifts , it shows to have you and I also am a seer , and that shows up whether my hands are touching you or not . That shows up in conversation . It shows up whether we're strangers or best friends .
Speaker 1So , when you look at the overarching gifts then none of it is 1997 . It's completely crazy , but on the level of everyday life it probably doesn't make sense . So as a biology major at Bennett College , I actually was studying so that I could be a PhD . My scholarship Minority Access to Research Careers from the NIH actually was preparing minorities to be PhDs and be in research so that we could have some folks there for representation .
Speaker 2A biology major a chiropractor .
Speaker 1I had this great scholarship , did a lot of traveling , so I think that I'll start by saying I tell people all the time that your spiritual gifts show up , no matter what you're doing .
Speaker 1So I was at Wake Forest for a while and I was doing research at Wake Forest that had to do with heart disease , that had to do with medications , and to me it meant that it helped my grandma or people like her . It meant that it helped my neighborhood . It meant that it helped my peers to not have to go through what I saw my grandma go through . But in bench research , in that lab setting , you're not allowed to do that . You can only talk about the molecule and what the molecule did and what you saw , but you cannot say what it will do in the future . You're not allowed . Wake Forest was a time that I knew that I wanted to be a person who dealt with people , but it wasn't the way that I got to do it . So I spent one year in the PhD program doing beautiful work in the lab but not mastering to their standard the classroom . Beautiful work in the lab but not mastering to their standard the classroom , which , when I tell you this and I think , if people hear it , if this makes the cut that a C in a class got me excused . So I failed one single test in a class called biochemical metabolism , and that one single test C got me excused because I did not have a 3.0 . A 3.0 was a requirement and that is what you had to do to stay . Now . It probably took me 15 years to not well up in tears to tell somebody that I was excused . You know , the first five years I probably used some verbiage that made it seem like I just found out it wasn't for me . And then the second five years , I made a joke and just said well , we do put out . You know so because I'm a person who likes to succeed . Well , I was so great in lab and this is a real story that the last principal investigator I worked for asked me please , not to leave . Don't leave , please stay and work for me as a lab technician . And so I did . I met a man , and that man lived in Charlotte and became my starter husband . So I had to . That's what I call my starter husband . So , anyway , my starter husband lived in Charlotte and we had this pact that we would both look for jobs and the first person to find a job in the other city would be the one to move . In hindsight I don't think he tried very hard , but the job that I found was teaching science in middle school in downtown Charlotte , and so I moved to be with my future starter husband and got into education that way .
Speaker 1One night we're riding along the highway probably somewhere around I don't know , 85 or something See the sign where there's a husband and wife chiropractic team . And he asked me I've never thought about it Like nah , no , never thought about it . Well , I decided to look into it and I opened the phone book age me and there was a picture of this black lady who was just grinning in her white coat . That she's a chiropractor and I was going to go see her to meet somebody and understand what the field was about . But before I could get there we had a car accident and I had to become a patient . So I get there as a patient , she fixes me . I'm like , okay , this is it , I can do this . And I moved from Charlotte with my starter husband to Syracuse to go to chiropractic college , not because I wanted to live in upstate New York , but because that's where he was from and I thought it'd be nice for him to be back with his family again .
Speaker 1Wrong wrong wrong , right , yeah , so I love you guys Browns , anyway . So it was a terrible choice to go there for that reason , but the school itself was good and I found myself really falling right into spaces , understanding things very well , enjoying my time there , and chiropractic became my thing . I released my starter husband before I graduated because I needed to get my name back .
From Biology Major to Chiropractor
Speaker 1It wasn't working , so I released him and went about going into my chiropractic career . I went back to Danville , virginia , and ended up opening a practice . All the whole time I was in Danville with my practice , my hustle was substitute teaching and I taught college because I'm a teacher and in chiropractic school I was always a teacher assistant . I was always a tutor and I worked for the National Park Service as a tour guide at the Women's Rights Museum tour guide at the Women's Rights Museum . I'm a teacher and so teaching just is in me the whole time .
Speaker 1But as I went on in my chiropractic career , I found out that my mom was ill . I was living in DC 2010 , and I had to come home , and the easiest way for me to come home was first to be a traveling doctor . That's my favorite way of being a chiropractor I put on my cape , I sweep in when somebody's on vacation or having a baby or whatever . I do my thing and then I get a check , a decent , a nice check . And so then my sister goes well , they have an opening in Danville Public Schools to teach biology . I'm like I'm not going back to the classroom because that one year in Charlotte and they about killed the system . Okay , first years are like that , but I didn't know that at the time and , being the only teacher of 157th graders in downtown Charlotte in urban area , shout out Sedgefield Middle School it was a rough year . So going to Cairo school was a great escape to get out of that . And I'm like I'm not going back to the classroom .
Speaker 1She says to me this is the entirety of what moved me . She says , girl , you better get them benefits . So I was like , okay , I applied for the job and the lady God rest her soul who was in charge at the time did not want to hire me . She did not want to hire me because , according to her standards , I wasn't highly qualified . I thought that was crazy . What were her standards ? What were her standards ? She wanted me to already have a . Virginia . Say it again , previous experience . No , she wanted me to have a Virginia teaching license already . Okay , that was . I had taught college , I had a doctorate in , you know , biological sciences , and she says I was not HQ .
Speaker 1So I went around her , because back in those times , I still was a person who didn't let people tell me no . Because how dare you tell me no ? I'm me right , this is me . So let's just find a way around . And I contacted a lady who was my mentor in high school . She was an assistant principal at that school . I said hey , you know I'm trying to get in , but they're blocking me , saying I'm not qualified . She says well , send me your resume , I'll give it to the principal . In a day or two , I get a call saying that the principal has requested that I be interviewed .
Speaker 1Right , because I went around and it was an alternative school , alternative school being grades seven through 12 who have been put out of their school . Maybe that's the spirit that I felt for them , because they're my tribe . I got put out of Wake Forest . I got put out of their school . That just happened to me just now . When I got put out in August of 2011, . They called and said you have the job . The janitorial staff will let you in on Saturday morning so that you can prepare your classroom and school starts on Monday . And so I did Me , my mother , my sister , my auntie . We go in there and sweep it up and clean it up and create some sort of introductory lesson plan . And at the door on Monday was me standing there in that white coat receiving kids that others had not been able to manage . Yeah , and I found my travel .
Speaker 2That is again such a varied , varied set of experiences . I want to go back to chiropractic , your chiropractic practice . You were first in DC before Danville right .
Speaker 1No , I actually did Danville first , okay , okay . So I was looking for jobs in Chicago . That was my dream city . I wanted to live in Chicago and one of my best friends , katina , lived there . She was going to be finishing up law school and we were going to be these roommates , rhoda and Myrtle Moore , except black and brown and we were so excited . But I went on all these trips and went to go see people and I just could not find a fit for me there .
Speaker 1Yeah . So after graduation . My graduation was December 2005 . I came back to Danville and I ended up taking a personal loan from a family friend to start my practice . Yeah , ten thousand dollars , and I started the practice here in my hometown . And do you ?
Speaker 2have a license plate that says something about crack . Who's that ?
Speaker 1That cracker , that cracker . Yeah , BKCR-R On the Mustang or the Camaro yes , it was a black Mustang . I bought that black Mustang just before I left Danville to go to DC . I didn't know I was leaving and it was a stick shift and I went from you know little town , Danville , 42,000 , everywhere takes 10 minutes to traveling back and forth to a job . That actually was 30 miles and took an hour and a half and a stick shift on 95 . But it's good stuff because to this day I can eat a piece of chicken and put my makeup on driving six years that's talent , that's down okay .
Speaker 2But my , my first recollection of you having a
Corporate Jealousy and Professional Challenges
Speaker 2major , I'd say , work issue was in DC .
Speaker 1In DC , absolutely yes , well , actually so , in Falls Church .
Speaker 2Okay , so talk to us about the bad experience , or at least the learning experience , you had with that leader .
Speaker 1So I worked in Falls Church and I started there as a covering chiropractor and in that position I was being paid by the day and she wanted to hurry and convince me to change to full time so that I could cut my money in half or worse . So you know , people try to put together a package and show you how it's better , and chiropractic has a saying . They say chiropractors eat their young , and so when you come out of school , yeah , they eat their young . So they find ways to take advantage of your newness in their practices . So they have more bodies for more patients , more cases and paying you little to nothing .
Speaker 1You know , in a lot of places I had somebody offer me $24,000 a year and a bonus package and I had left Charlotte as a teacher making 32 , you know this is 2002 when I left there making $32,000 . And then come after a doctorate degree , somebody's offering me $24,000 . Which is not a lot of wage anywhere and you're trying to work to get this bonus . But bonuses are 52% taxable and so it really doesn't make sense to do anything based on a bonus but fast forwarding to when it got funky . I will reserve names to protect the innocent and the guilty , but a thing that I have always dealt with is envy . So I will be working super hard to make the vision go that somebody tells me they want , super hard to make sure that the people who they are serving , the promises that they have made , are real . And once I do that , then I experience a lot of envy and I get backlash from doing what I was asked to do .
Speaker 2And from the person that has hired you From the bosses . Yeah , absolutely .
Speaker 1Because they never want anyone to prefer me over them for a chiropractic office . It is a sin for a patient to say , oh well , dr adams isn't there when I'm not the head person , right ? So I was dr adamson . So , um , you know , I actually had one doctor who appreciated as the a person who I went just to cover he had special days , just so that he could tell people it was going to be me , because people would come . And so the person who I was working for started to get jealous and she started to remove cases from me , as if I wasn't qualified for the cases , to more or less promote her areas of expertise as she saw them . Yes , go ahead the question , because you have a question that's brewing .
Speaker 2It's more of a maybe it's a question . We'll see what happens . What I've noticed in coaching , consulting people who are highly technically skilled typically don't come with a high level of I don't know charisma and personality . Right , that's true . You get them so deep in that expertise that to come up for air and actually deal with the humans that consume the products and services is actually quite hard , right ? I would imagine that you know , because you show up so colorful , because you show up so grand , because you show up owning spaces , that that's hard for the people who you work with , because they don't show up that way and they don't understand the secret sauce of the formula , the blood , sweat and tears that it takes to show up that way .
Speaker 1I agree with that Totally . So it wasn't a question , it was a statement . But I agree with that statement 100% . I think what they don't know is it's not easy being green that's Kermit the Frog but it's not easy to be who I am , to show up the way that I do . It's many years of work , internal work , that has allowed me to do that , and so I have survived a lot of things , and I don't even like to talk about survival , I like to talk about thriving .
Speaker 1So I've pressed my way through many , many things from a child until now , and because I have pressed my way and survived so many things , I show up in spaces saying nothing can beat me . And it's not to the person , it's to the situation . Nothing is going to beat me If it scares me . I'm going to go harder If I feel in any way nervous or shaky . My mother taught me that shakiness is like fuel . When you get jitters , it's an indication that something good is coming , and so , instead of being knocked down or put aside by the jitters , put down by the nervousness , I push harder to go through it , because there are situations , but truly every day , you never get it again , and so if I don't take advantage of my situation today .
Speaker 1Tomorrow is never the same , and how can I allow nervousness or embarrassment or the possibility of what somebody might think keep me from doing the things that I think are best might think keep me from doing the things that I think are best ? And so you cannot be jealous of what you don't know . You don't know if it's recipe , you don't know what it took , and so that's why I'm not an envious person , because somebody can be right in front of me holding the hope diamond and I'm like what did they have to do to get it ? Who gave it to you ? And what do you owe ?
Speaker 1Um , you know how long do you get to keep it ? Is it cutting your hand ? So you know there's , there's cost to everything , and so for that reason , I don't usually fully understand envy , but I do understand what you're saying about showing up and how people don't . But I always , in every situation , I'm always encouraging people to , encouraging you to show up . I believe in 360 degree leadership , and so I believe that I can help everybody in every direction and encourage them to show up like I do encourage them to show up like I do , but it doesn't mean it works .
Speaker 2But I think part of the challenge that I find also is not just you being you or me being me , but it's also the lack of authenticity and willingness to have the conversation about the discomfort right .
Speaker 2So if I feel like whoa , like we're doing too much here , here's what's needed , I can't come to you and say , hey , look , because I don't know how to articulate it . People don't know how to articulate their discomfort and they don't know how to articulate or even have a self-awareness about why they're uncomfortable in the first place , and so they make it your problem , not theirs . Yes , and that , for me , is just .
Speaker 2It's frustrating , because if you knew how to put it into words , then we can have a conversation about it , rather than you trying to scapegoat me about your own fragility .
Speaker 1Right Now , that particular
Teaching at Alternative School
Speaker 1place where I worked in Falls Church . That did not make me know we were done . That made me dial back a bit . That made me dial back a bit . What made me know we were done is when the owner of the practice blamed me for someone quitting who had not been doing their job correctly . So because I corrected a person in their path and the person then quit the job , it was my fault .
Speaker 2Were you their manager .
Speaker 1Say that again . Were you their manager ? I was the associate doctor and this was a chiro assistant . So this is my assistant , who I corrected , and the boss blamed me for the person leaving .
Speaker 2What would have happened if you hadn't corrected them ?
Speaker 1It was a patient care issue , and so if you had corrected them , the issue would have progressed , or they would have been doing things wrong for patient care .
Speaker 1That would have then not allowed us to be progressing in the patient's wellness . So we're trying to get the person to a certain level . You're doing things wrong . I have to tell you that it's wrong so that you don't continue that . But also I had to correct her not only on the thing but also on her response , because she had a very nasty response in the presence of patients . So I had to correct her on that , pulled her aside . She tells the boss that I kept her from carrying on the schedule by pulling her aside to tell her about the behavior . Now I believe in addressing things when things are in the room . I'm not going to come back and try to make you remember the situation . I'm going to tell you when I need to tell you in that moment . So we don't carry on .
Speaker 2I tell people all the time feedback is like leftovers after about three days , don't nobody want it . Like it needs to happen when it needs , you know immediately so that you can associate what's being said to you to the situation to determine whether or not you agree . You see the same way . You have other questions but you wait for five days and like , oh , remember that thing ?
Speaker 1no , I don't , because there have been one million things that have happened between now and then and in that practice I was seeing no less than I would probably say that I was seeing no less than 35 or 40 patients a day , a day , a day is that a ?
Speaker 1normal case load . I mean I was tremendous . I mean I don't know , I just I was , you know , good at it , but Tremendous . I was tremendous because later I had a practice where I've seen 95 patients in a day . Wow . So is it good for my person , my body ? Probably not . It's good for the bottom line . But the two to three minute conversations I had with her , behind closed doors , away from anybody's earshot , she took it as somewhat intimidating and as if I was threatening somehow , which is a dark skin problem for those who can't see them . Dark skin . But there's , that's a problem when you're correcting people , that even when you are kind , you can be much more easily taken for threatening . It's , you know , an intentional RBF , I guess because I am not that Can we say what RBF means on our podcast .
Speaker 2I don't know you can . I'm going to have some bleep it out .
Speaker 1Go ahead , oh rest in bitch face . So I you know , just by being dark skinned I can be perceived as coming with a meanness , aggressiveness and direct behavior is not aggressive . It's real-time response , so real-time response is not aggressive .
Speaker 2Pregnant pause . So no , no , no , I was gonna say for those of you who have not done any research or work on the concept of colorism , especially in the African-American community , it's worth doing because there are a lot of stereotypes and tropes around dark-skinned women and how they present themselves , whether it be overbearing or over-sexualized or all of the over things , especially in contrast to our lighter , fair-skinned , you know humans .
Speaker 1And , might I add , this practice was about 85% of my patients were Spanish speakers , and so my entire staff were Spanish speakers . So we were dealing with the Hispanic population . My boss was actually Italian , but a rather darker-skinned Italian , and he was fluent in Spanish . And I thank God for that position , though , because I actually learned so much that I was able to do appointments without my assistants , explain the x-rays , explain the treatment plans and , you know , tell them what I needed them to do in order to do exercise or anything . So that's why , when I left that job with no other job because I was like no , we're not doing this , we're not taking blame for incompetence , we're not going to be pointed out by my assistant as having done wrong .
Speaker 1When , after the same assistant and I were supposed to be going to a weekend event it was going to be like a continual education class because this person had not gotten a license to be a car assistant which does exist and as I'm heading toward this event , she calls me and says she's going to be a little bit late because she had to change cars . Her car had broken down , and so I said OK , and I wait a little bit . I call her back . I was trying to see if she wanted me to pick her up and she didn't answer the phone . She did not answer the phone . That was on Saturday and she never came back to work . Never came back to work .
Speaker 2And that , yes , that is the person that I was blamed for quitting because I had corrected her . She ghosted you at the conference and then didn't come back .
Speaker 1And never came back to work . Very classic , that's not even the worst . She had hired a person , a guy , who she met at the Sears next door . This is like seven corners of Wall Street . She's not there anymore . So she met him at Sears . She had hired him to be a car assistant . She just always wanted to hire people who were fluent in Spanish , even if they didn't have experience . We would train them . And as I'm training the guy , we're in a U-shaped sort of office and I'm showing him some things about what he has to do . And , um , he says to me that he needs to go . Go to the bathroom , which is toward the back in this break room . Whatever I see him go back there , he opens the door to the break room , opens the door that exits to the hallway of the of the office complex and leaves in the shirt that has a chiropractic office name on it and never came back . That was his first day .
Speaker 2You know it's interesting . I've got to find the statistics . But you would be surprised how many people either don't show up on their first day after they've hired , signed the contract , everything , or they leave after the first day . Or they've hired , signed the contract everything , or they leave after the first , the first day or two . You'd be surprised , um and I watched him .
Speaker 1He kind of looked back at me and smiled when I was diabolical .
Speaker 2That's so fascinating , so , all right , I had to get off the cell .
Speaker 1But yeah , that conversation I was sitting with her in that conversation , the boss , and she's telling me how it's my fault , and I'm just smiling , I'm like , and so she finishes talking and I say to her you know , I'm so glad we had this conversation because it allows me to speak my truth . And my truth is that my time here is up and so I'm going to give you a 30 day notice because that is just a kind thing to do , but our time is up .
Speaker 2How did you not like ? How did you not turn on the like ? What did you do to process it ? Where you were like this is a wonderful thing , I'm ready . Where you're not coming at her like you know what , let me tell you how this isn't my fault . You're not trying to plead your case , because that's typically . I was coming at her like you know what . Let me tell you how this isn't my fault . You're not trying to plead your case .
Speaker 1Because that's typically I was laughing at her . Internally I was laughing , that's why I was smiling . I was laughing at her and the ridiculousness of her statements about my fault in this . I was laughing and so I just . It was just so bonkers until I was just entertained . I wasn't angry , I was just entertained at how stupid it was , you know .
Speaker 2And yeah , all right , so you , you leave DC and you go back to Danville , cause mom gets it .
Speaker 1Oh well , you're skipping though , because that was 2008 . Okay , I left her and went on Vistaprint and printed business cards as a traveler that said , say , I've learned Spanish and I spent a year working for myself in DC , maryland and Virginia covering for doctors . Um , I , by then I lived in Vienna . When I moved to DC , I was still covering and I just said , god , I need $3,500 a month to come in and let's go find it . And I worked for myself and I worked for agencies and for myself .
Speaker 1I worked tax free days I would charge them $425 a day plus mileage , and half days I would charge them $425 a day plus mileage . In half days I would charge them $375 , so they would pick up the full day . But yeah , so I just charged them , I sent them contracts and I just did my thing . And I did my thing all the way down to central mountainous Virginia , to Baltimore , and I did that . And I taught at Nova Annandale and Nova Alexandria . I taught biology there and I just did it for myself . And I ended up working for a guy in Friendship Heights . So I spent a year in Friendship Heights and that's when mama got sick while I was at Friendship Heights .
Speaker 2But I love how a lot of times we get stuck from the time we decide to like , hey , this is time to pull the ripcord to the next thing .
Speaker 2Not only did you not try to jump into another thing . You pivoted like , okay , here's what we're fitting to do and I find many times that we get scared to do that thing right because you knew how to do all of the things . You knew how to , you know , engage with the doctors , get to the knee and come in and come out . What would you say to someone that has what I would call your spirit , your ability to hustle and grind right , and how you show up to be a plug-in for people , because that's a very unique skill to be able to come in , make an impact and roll out .
Speaker 1Well , first and foremost , when you're plugging in for somebody , understand that whatever they do is what they do and do that Period , you can do it with your smile I can't help with my smile , I can't help with my laugh , my jokes , whatever the way that I am is not interfering with what I am doing . So when I look at the doctor's notes , when I talk to the patients , the staff whether it be a chiro assistant that works with patients or billing or appointment coordinator I am asking them questions about how they do it . I show up no less than 30 minutes earlier than the office opens . I used to do an hour but people wouldn't be there so I'd be sitting and waiting . So I started 30 minutes and I come in and I get the tour , I talk to the people and if you can possibly have a visit before you're filling in for whatever , so that you can just 15 or 20 minutes watch what happens , you don't even have to be walking around with a doctor . You can sit in the waiting room or sit in the jump chair just to watch the interactions , what they usually do and if you can have that visit before the contract is signed , it's awesome because they know that you're really trying to be there for them in the way they need you , and I was careful not to overdo so that the patient wouldn't feel like that when I was gone they missed something .
Speaker 1I was also really good about encouraging them to trust their doctor's word . So , whatever and whoever you're covering , when you see the notes , when the patient says what he says Y Z Well , x , y Z is a great answer . I think you should go with that , because they're looking for a second opinion . But I'm not a second opinion , I'm filling in . So I just encourage them to follow the lead of that doctor in that office and to trust the process . And I would always throw in some things about you know healing pathways . You know why it takes so long , why you might have a contract for this many sessions or a plan that breaks it down like this yeah , just encouragement of what they're already experiencing and that also makes the doctor want to hire you again .
Speaker 2And I think that's from what I understand . What I see is your ability to do that when you're with a client or a student or what have you , and you are able to separate your disagreement with them in private rather than airing it out publicly .
Speaker 1Oh , that's hugely important , yeah , even though they still may not respect it , but you do right , right , oh , my god , when we get back to dc girl , I gotta tell you about that .
Speaker 2Back to dc 2014 do you want to go there now , before we go to another story ?
Speaker 1sure , did we ? We we're good , well , well , yeah , so when I left in 2010 , I got to say this DC , I left in 2010 . Um , and the doctor who I was working for at that time you know very nice practice and everything . He had a way of creating a family vibe , um , so he would incorporate himself into your other parts of your life , you know show himself supportive in ways that he didn't have to , because he had a real gift for obligating people , but I don't obligate easily , so that was very shocking to him . As a matter of fact , one time I told him that I knew the way he was working when he and his wife came to a recording of a gospel album I was on . So they came out to Maryland and attended this live recording of his gospel album and he met my mom and my sister and he was talking all about the family atmosphere and this and that . And I said , or it could be so that if you do things that seem like family , it'll make me just work harder . And he was like , well , you know , he couldn't . You know , and that's so funny and you know , because he had a way of doing that and the loyalty that he garnered by doing those things . I know for sure that he loaned money when people's families in other countries were struggling , that he you know , that he , you know , gave advances on paychecks when somebody's kid had to get braces , or you know things like that that you don't have to do , but you do them so that people will feel more loyal to you .
Speaker 1When my mother got sick , I had not planned on ending that contract , but I had to end it because I needed to go back home . My sister was here alone and my mom had ovarian cancer , and so that was actually 2009 that she got diagnosed with ovarian cancer . It was October , and I worked and traveled back and forth between Danville and DC until December 2010 . Back and forth between Danville and DC until December 2010 . And at the time I was still teaching at the college at Nova Alexandria on Saturdays , annandale on Saturdays , and I would leave my teaching job on Saturday and come to Danville , five hours away almost , and be here day and a half , and on Sunday evening I would go back and show up to work on Monday morning , here day and a half and on Sunday evening I would go back and show up to work on Monday morning , and so I did that at least twice a month . And I finally got to the point where I was saying it's too much , I'm going to have to go because my sister needs my help . So we have a private office conversation about how I have to break this contract . It wasn't my plan .
Speaker 1And what's funny is one time he even gave me a gift for my mother because he wanted me to send it to her because when he had been sick and unable to move around a little bit , it helped him . And it was one of those grabber things like get trash . So this grabber thing . And so he sent home to my mother this brand new package grabber thing . You know he's helping me , you know because he wants me to be loyal . So but anyway , I told him I had to go . And I told him in early November and gave , you know , more than a month's notice .
Speaker 1So he started the speech to me about loyalty yes , ma'am , about loyalty , yes , ma'am . And he was berating me about keeping my word , about being someone who could be trusted , dependable , and whether I was a person who was dependable . And did I just walk away when something was hard ? I mean , he went in honey , cue the Godfather music Honey . So when I tell you that conversation was . I was like what Now ? What I was doing by leaving was loyalty in the highest degree . So I said to him I've heard all that you have to say and I was angry . I was angry . I was angry and like trembling , and I said to him no matter what you think of me , my loyalty will always be to God , my family and myself , and work does not make the list when any of that is in danger . I appreciate what you have done . I appreciate your understanding . My last day will be and fill in the blank Um how did how ?
Speaker 2but how was it like after you gave him that ?
Speaker 1you know how was it like after you gave him that you know that's oh solid treatment really he didn't even really talk to me after that and because of the way he felt about me leaving , then I was getting gas all around like nobody wanted to appear to be supportive oh yeah , corporate leprosy is the whole thing .
Speaker 2we talked about it when we talked about um . When people aren't performance improvement plans , how , like ? We think people don't know , but then everybody knows because everybody's lowering their . It's like I call it hospice . When the organization puts you on contact Right , it's just like , oh yeah , she's in the room Like , and you're doing this death walk day in and day out , intentionally isolating you . It is , it's awful .
Speaker 1Yeah , I mean , I had gone to work at that job in snow so deep that the only reason why I could make it to work was because I could ride the train and all the train pathway was underground and that's the only reason why I could go to work . I bought my favorite city rolling cart . I call them Rollo . We've been through a lot together . So Rollo , my rolling cart , I bought at a container store over in Friendship Heights because I needed to be able to carry stuff around with me and ride the train to get back and forth and work in the snow .
Speaker 1And one time another associate doctor and I went on a Saturday morning now , when I say snow , this was that like snowpocalypse thing they talked about . Oh yeah , snowmageddon , yeah , snowmageddon , there you go . We got there . And this associate doctor that was with me , he didn't live so conveniently so he had offered to just get a hotel room near the office . Offered to just get a hotel room near the office . The Grand Poobah , in his wonderful generosity , offers to pay half . You should have paid the whole thing Just a little bit . Nobody should have to get a hotel to show up at work .
Speaker 2For those of you who don't know what snowmageddon is , definitely google it , but it was circa 2009 , was it ?
Speaker 1no , it's not 10 .
Speaker 22019 , like 10
The Trifecta of Educational Challenges
Speaker 2listen and within four hours , almost a foot and a half of snow dropped on the dc maryland area . I think I went all the way up to Philly . It was crazy . People were stuck in their cars , people abandoned their cars on the GW Parkway . Do you remember that At the time it was terrible ? I lived in Bethesda . No , I worked in .
Speaker 2Bethesda . I was at the cover headquarters of this company . I lived in Rockville and lived in Gaithersburg , which is every bit of six miles . It took me four hours to get home in that snow . Four hours to go , six miles . It was horrendous . People died in Snowmageddon because the forecast said snow but there was no way to predict how fast the snow came .
Speaker 1So I'm just earmarking the situation , because it was the idea of like not helping you stay somewhere makes no sense , because it took us days to plow out of that , yeah , and so because I was on green and red lines , I was able to ride the train , yeah , and then I'd get out and you know , walk , you know whatever , a couple blocks to the office , um , but we , we were there and in two hours we had one patient call to see if we were open . Other people just didn't show up . We called , you know the grand poobah or whatever , and he's like , well , you know , if nobody came yet , I guess you guys can go ahead on and leave and like wait another hour and then go ahead and go . Thank you so much , sir , so kind and so generous you so much , so kind , so generous .
Speaker 2So let's , let's fast forward . Let's fast forward to the first , the first full-time educator position after chiropractic , because I remember , I remember those days you're excited you were my 2011 um .
Speaker 1Yeah , so I um . That was the one where the lady didn't want to hire me , um , and I pushed in because I just don't believe in somebody telling me I'm not qualified when I'm overqualified . And I found myself really reaching these kids because quiet is kept . I'm super shiny , but I grew up in a bad neighborhood so I shined it well and I always say I think people think because I'm super shiny that I didn't go through anything . But let us not forget that in order to be polished , you must be buffed and scratched and scraped . So my shine comes from a lot of experience and the majority of the children that I was working with were in low socioeconomic situations and I called them before Tyler Perry I mean , he really owes me a check because I called them the haves and have-nots .
Speaker 1That's what I called my kids , and the reason why I called them the haves and have-nots is because there were two reasons why my children ended up in alternative school . So their nauseating behavior , ridiculous actions that happened . Some of the children were super bored because they're so smart , so smart , so quick . Super bored . They found something else to do and those are the haves . And then my have-nots have deficits that they cover with bad behavior . So , in order to keep from appearing stupid , they don't want you to think they're dumb or they can't do it . They just would rather be called bad . They're just bad , which is just not true . Sometimes those kids are really frustrated , and other times they just are diverting attention so that nobody knows how they struggle . So I had a seventh grade class . This was a block schedule diverting attention so that nobody knows how they struggle . So I had a seventh grade class . This was a block schedule .
Speaker 1So we're talking a 85 minute or so class 85 to 90 minute class , and so I had seventh graders in the morning , a planning period and then two biology classes in the afternoon . My seventh grade class in an alternative school was 23 kids , so I got 23 kids that got put out from somewhere else .
Speaker 2That's a lot of kids in general , let alone a lot of kids who have challenges .
Speaker 1That doesn't even seem to be true , exactly , and I remember so many of them and I've run into them around town that they have survived , they have moved forward . Between that and my other high school experience , I have taught three murderers , so I have had three murderers that have been on the news for murder , chased down in , you know , manhunt bolo .
Speaker 1So I worked with people , kids , who were actually violent . For whatever reasons , there's always a why . So I never judged the behavior . I wanted to know why . I had a very smart child . I'm going to call him Antoine . Yeah , let's call him Antoine Because that's not his name . So he was so smart . But he had a very difficult time dealing with transitioning changes , anything that was not steady , if you did not keep your word . And it did not show up as sadness , it showed up as anger , anger that also showed up in his physical body , like lockdown . You know that kind of thing . I had girls in seventh grade , turning 14 years old , that asked me if they could go to the bathroom because they forgot to take their pill .
Speaker 2But don't worry , it ain't no crazy pill or nothing , it's just birth control .
Speaker 1In the seventh grade , in the seventh grade , in the seventh grade , in seventh grade , yeah , and you know I had . I actually had a set of twins in that class , fraternal girl twins , and I ran into one at KFC very recently . Funny enough , we called them both Keisha , and they don't mind me saying that because I love them to death . We had I love Keisha and tell Keisha , but we called them both Keisha and somehow they knew who we were talking to . It's so funny because I think I'm like Keisha but they answer when you call them . So my first 7th grade class I had a little boy in there that was enamored because my house smelled good .
Speaker 1He said he said your house smells good , he said my house Like oh , it must be my body Bath and Body Works or something he's like no , I can tell it's your house , he's like your house really smells good .
Speaker 1It must be so nice and tell it's your house . He's like your house really smells good . It must be so nice and I'm just , you know , pulling ones that are that first seventh grade class . One of my murderers was in that class and he was one of the best kids . I just loved him . He was so agreeable with me . Anyway , he's the one who taught me that tax season is better than Christmas . Love him and he inspired me with that , because it actually helped me to teach my high schoolers graphing based upon tax season .
Speaker 2So I taught them about an increasing trend in tax refunds based upon how many children that you would claim . Hey , that's the way to do it . So let me ask this question . I've been talking to people about the trifecta of challenges that educators have in doing your job , the trifecta of what I call the trifecta of bad bosses . It's the administration on a state scale , right , a federal , whatever . Then you've got the local administration in your school , then you have the parents , and it could be a quadruple if you add the kids . Sometimes I have not yet gotten anyone who's like yeah , it's the kids , it's the kids . Most of the challenges I've heard have been about the administration and the parents . Would you ?
Speaker 1Yeah , we can talk about that , because sometimes it is the kids . But the reason it's the kids is usually the parents Say more yes . So there are parents that have grown tired of correcting . They have given up on having the discussions to push the children into submission , if you will , to do the things that they need to do when they need to do them , doing what we have to do now so we can do what we want to do later . They don't teach them that . Shout out to great debaters , but we yeah , we cannot see a child without seeing the parents . There are exceptions to that . We have parents that are actually grandparents . We have parents that are adoptive or parents that are doing fostering . We have parents that are siblings , cousins and aunties . The nuclear family is a complete farce in our world today . It does not usually exist . Has it never existed ?
Speaker 2in your perspective .
Speaker 1It has existed , but still not in the , not at the level that people tried to make it seem . You know , the Dick and Jane and mom and dad era was still a lie . My mother grew up with both her parents , but my mother's mother was her dad's third wife . She had siblings that were older than her mother . She lived in a nuclear household , but my grandmother , my mother-in-law .
Speaker 2My grandmother was the last of 11 , I believe 12 . Yeah , her mom died when she was little , so the sisters took turns raising her . My mother-in-law , her mom died when she was little , so she had to
Administrative Leadership Journey
Speaker 2live with a bunch of different people . Like it's just , it's . It's an interesting thing that we probably don't discuss enough how many people don't have the proverbial classic form of a household Right ?
Speaker 1I had a seventh grader that he lived with his mother . He knew his father for sure because the father , quiet as kept and in my observational opinion , was this boy's father but also his drug boss , because I think he ran drugs for the father . The mother had no parenting skills with him whatsoever . He was 12 . He was a true seventh grader who was actually very smart and did most of the parenting for himself . And when I realized that I had met with the mother , I talked to her on the phone . I met with her in person and all she could do was say , well , I don't know what to do . And then in person she's just crying . She doesn't know what to do . She has this mousy little voice and , um , you know , she could barely look me in the eye .
Speaker 1I said , oh , this kid . I got no parents so I need to deal with him as an adult . So that's a great example of the kid being the problem . But the kid was also the solution , because the parents were not the solution , they were the bigger problem . So that particular child would miss days and days of school . He was one of my Tuesdays , like he didn't do Mondays because the weekend had been so turnt as a 12-year-old , so he did not come to school on Monday , and usually also not Friday , because Friday is when business gets going really well .
Speaker 1So I had him three days out of the week , but because he was so smart , I could always catch him up and he would always pass quizzes and tests because all I had to do was talk to him a little bit , give him something to stare at for five minutes , and he would remember we had a special program that I did with the seventh graders where we created a school wide recycling program . And the way I teach science is that science is everything and everything is science . So in this particular program this was a community project , so it was environmental science . Seventh grade science is life science , so we dealt with environmental . We also created a slideshow that was for us to present it to the administration and to chosen teachers so that we could get help and get permission for students to be able to go around and collect the recycling , and this was something that then , once they collect , I had to drive it to the place , because Danville is not a recycling city . So we had done this plan and he was there on a given day when we practiced . Who would say what ? So every child had a line in our presentation and they had been given their lines and they practiced them because they really wanted to be able to say them without reading them . That was a classroom decision . They don't want to read them , but I convinced them to allow me to still take them on the desk , just in case if they needed to look at them . And we created hand signs it was really just sign language so they were all numbered and they knew when it was their turn .
Speaker 1So the day of the presentation he comes back after being gone for two days and he would have had a part , but I was going to take it because he hadn't been there . He was number 12 , I still remember . And he said no , I can do it . And I was like well , I mean , you can just read . He's like no , he's like are they reading theirs ? I was like no , nobody else is going to read it . He's like well , I'm not going to read mine either , I'll be ready . So I mean , this is like maybe 10 minutes before we start this thing . And so we turned down the lights .
Speaker 1I do a little introduction and so I'm doing them like one , two and I didn't have to say nothing the whole time , and so this you know . Next , you know , and the kids stand up and they do their thing . And these are kids that nobody thinks can do things . We get to 12 and my boy stands up , says his part straight out , like a good old Easter speech , sits down , cocked their head , like now , like I told you that I didn't have to . You know , he was so proud of himself . So he was a super smart child and kids are all gifted in some way . I like to remind people of the multiple intelligences . You can get a child to learn just about anything if you teach them in their primary intelligence , and so that kid was motivated by being the best . Usually he wanted to be the top , he wanted to look the best , he wanted to be the best . He had a whole slew of tattoos . Girl , this is a 12-year-old .
Speaker 2Who was good ? Don't worry about it , I'm going to ask the question .
Speaker 1I love him so much . I'm really working hard not to call his name , because I know my kids . No , no , no , I love that .
Speaker 2So I still want to know who gave the baby tattoos , but that's the conversation for another day . Tell me about . Tell me about the kinds of things that you had to deal with when it comes to leaders not understanding your superpower of dis have seen you come up with the most creative ways to solve problems because you are willing to kind of , you know , leap over a tall building Right , and I also know that that's caused you some trouble with the people that you work with Right , with the people that you work with right when they're like , well , we don't do it that way . We're like , yeah , but it's getting done . Your way wasn't getting done .
Speaker 1Like , talk to me about talk to me , especially on the alternative level , so in the alternative school , remembering that one of my mentors was an administrator , so she was super supportive but in a way that she was impressed by the differences . I remember one of the first times she was impressed by the differences . I remember one of the first times she was impressed was because we had like crazy outfit day or something . It was a spirit week and so my crazy outfit had like multiple , multiple prints , like I had all these animal prints and I had like flowers in my hair , like fur earrings and like this whole thing . I have a picture of it where I made the outfit into a lesson about organisms . So the day was for spirit , you know crazy outfit day or something . But I created and she walked past as I was standing in the hallway and you know the kids would come in and their opening activity was to name as many living organisms that my outfit represented as they could possibly find for me . And so , as I was standing in the hallway , I always would read out what was on the board , because I did have students who were not great readers and they would , you know , kind of stall out waiting until we go over it to do it because they weren't sure what it said fully . And so I would keep saying what it was as I'm passing out pieces of paper or whatever , and she walks by , she goes , she done made a lesson off the crazy clothes . You know , she didn't say it to me , but she was just like I don't think she knows she said it out loud . You know she was excited because I created a lesson that went with what we were supposed to be doing and still had the spirit . And then another time we had a meeting with a kid and his parents . The kid was angry because I made them put their names on their work first and last , teaching them that scientists always have to take credit for their work and we have to give a full name , because I can have many Taquans , which I actually had three in one year . I can have many , but that wasn't who I had to meet with . And then that you know I won't know who that is , and so we need to have a first and last name . And so what I would do is I would not fully grade the work in the grade book , on the actual computer grade book , until they had their name on it and the date , and so I would put a number in there , which was actually a number one , and the number one meant you were here , but it's not ready . A number two told me you were absent and so I need to make sure you get it done . Well , he was so angry with me , that boy , that he had his mama come down there . So we had this whole meeting and all I needed to make sure you get it done . Well , he was so angry with me , that boy , that he had his mama come down there . So we had this whole meeting and all I needed him to do was put his name on the work so I could change the grades . He was so angry girl , until she actually took him out of the class because he could not find himself to let go of the need to be right and make me wrong , and a lot of the work had no name on it . It was no name . I just knew it was his because it's handwriting , so I knew it was his . But it didn't have any name on it . So he was so mad she's like you'll just have to take this class next year because you're not ready . So she put him in something else . So that was a supportive avenue , but I didn't want to go . I just want you to put your name on the paper . I got to hurry up because I said this meeting ran long and I thought , and I got to go put together the thing they're about to do . And she goes oh , you guys are doing manipulatives . I was like is that what it's called ? And she's like my God , you're doing so great and you don't have all this . You know the vernacular . I didn't have the words then because I am a teacher and I know what it takes and I would follow my instincts or do the things that I know I would have wanted to do Keeping them busy , creating things that they could show were their creation but also could be used to understand concepts . And at that particular time we were doing transcription and translation . It was DNA , so we're in the genome and that's , you know , seventh grade is do genetics . So we were doing genetics in both classes and she says , oh , that's what it's called . I said , oh , yeah , yeah , okay , okay , manipulatives . So I would be learning to teach a vernacular along the way . So she was super supportive , but I did have a person who blocked me on something in that time . I wanted to have parents come and volunteer in my classroom because I wanted to have more adult eyes . Now , remember , I said I've taught murderers and when I have teachers tell me that they can't do something because the kids won't do something , I said you know I've given scalpels to murderers , so there's probably nothing that you can give me . That's a reason to not have children busy . So I'm sorry that . You know I'm like you know , just take that and understand my background . Understand that you know my foundation has given scalpels to murderers , so I don't know why you can't give markers and paper to to kids . So , uh , because I dissected and everything , in those class and alternative school .
Speaker 1We dissected and everything in those classes . In alternative school we dissected fetal pigs , we dissected frogs , and so , yeah , I have very sharp objects . So I wanted to have some parent volunteers . They didn't have to be experts in science or anything , they just had to be in the room to make sure nobody got impaled with protection pins or things like that , and so I thought it was going to be so great because I had some parents who were really awesome parents Back in the day when you and I were kids . If somebody got in your face , and especially they put their hands on you , you could beat them up back and you wouldn't get in trouble because they started it that part . But by the 2000s everybody gets suspended for 10 days for fighting and recommended for long-term suspension . Based upon their records and background . They may be put on a 365-day suspension and go to alternative school based on defending themselves .
Speaker 2Who's that in return for , if kids don't want to be in school in the first place ? That's a rhetorical question , it's not .
Speaker 1That's where some of my methods were different , because I didn't write kids up . I told them , if we can't deal with these four walls , then you know , the only way you're getting out of here is if you just blast out and you just walk out , and then I'll have to write you up for walking out because I didn't tell you to leave . So yeah , but the principal didn't want to allow me to do that because he claimed that you know it was dangerous for the children , blah , blah , blah . But the real issue was he had been threatened by so many parents with his very dry way of disciplining children , very dry way of addressing issues that arose , and even before it was alternative school . I have heard stories like that where he wasn't in any way able to be , I guess , empathetic for whatever was happening with the kids . And so parents have , like I'll come across this damn desk . They have done that to him many times . He's had to have , you know , resource officers to escort parents off campus , ban them from school campuses , based on their responses to his way of being . And so it's not that we had no parents that were absolutely crazy . But I was offended that you would put everybody in that bucket and not allow me to have people who were more than willing to come . And I had , like , boy dads who wanted to come and I'm like this is a boy dad who wants to come and be in class with his son and see his son learn , and his son is going to impress his dad with what he does . This is way more than biology man , this is life , this is family connection , this is showing parents that their children are more than what they've done in the past . And he blocked me . So what was sweet about that relationship is that by the end of the school year our biology kids have to take a standards of learning test . In North Carolina they do ELG . This is the ELC end of course test , and I had a class that was 100% . Everybody passed the biology SOL . Some of the kids in that class had never passed SOL in their entire life and they passed that one .
Speaker 1And that first year I had an an 86 pass rate for my biology students and so he had to come to me and say that that was impressive . But because he didn't have the skills for the real people were serving , he wasn't going to tell the kids . So I had to ask him to please come , wasn't going to tell the kids . So I had to ask him to please come and tell the kids how proud he was of them . I said maybe we can do something for them . You know , especially this class , because the whole class passed this and that class had some of my most colorful stories of how they got there . And so I really did that to him in the hallway and ushered him into the room to prompt him to say he's proud .
Speaker 1So the biology kids both let the guy have a pizza party . He paid for this pizza party for them and I think that was the first time in his tenure there that he had actually done something , a reward from him to the students and not some program that didn't work . We had this thing where kids could earn these dollars but some of my kids were like they were intimidating teachers into giving them the dollars , you know , so they could go to the little store and buy the snicker bar or whatever . So that stuff did not work . The PBIS , the positive behavior intervention systems , or whatever .
Speaker 2So let's fast forward from there to you , leave the classroom and go into administration , which I know was important to you , especially because you had went got your third degree . Third degree Is it the third or the fourth one ? The degree from Liberty ? I was like .
Speaker 1I don't know . Oh , the Liberty . Now , the Liberty degree I actually started while I was in the alternative school , because when you come in as a lateral entry person here in Virginia , you have to have 15 credits of education courses , but 30 is a master's . I was like , why would I get 15 floating credits when I can do 30 and have a master's degree ? So that was that . So I did get a master's degree . So that was that . Um , so I did get a massive education while I was working alternative school . Um , when I was finishing , I finished it up and then I went to graduation .
Speaker 1By the time graduation came , I was already gone to dc again in 2014 . Um , but the administration was an addendum . So I went to a program with longwood University and did
Creating Your Own Path Forward
Speaker 1a certificate program with them . That was Saturday , all day , saturday school for many , many weekends over a year , and then also 320 hours of volunteer administrative work , and that work was done in 2017 , 18 .
Speaker 1So the administrative and the real reason why I went back to add the administrative licensure was because I had been , by then , going back to DC , come back to Danville and worked actually both in North Carolina and then also back to my alma mater , and so after about a year there at my alma mater , I was made a co-chair of the science department and I had some new folks come in , you know , young teachers fresh out of school , or they had been out of school a couple of years and were doing a lateral entry , and I was doing a lot of mentoring and creating classroom environments for them , with them , like I had done , um .
Speaker 1And so I started to see , after having created such a great department there and relationships among teachers , even the ones who were my haters I had I had haters too , um , there in that group , but they couldn't deny the success of what we were doing , because I tend to lean into the people aspect of the grown folks too so I wanted to be able to create that atmosphere for many teachers . So I thought , if I could do this for one department , which is about 12 teachers , what if I can do this for a whole school , which is 120 teachers ?
Speaker 1You know , and so that's why I went to get the administrative license , not because I didn't like the classroom , and that's something that people do all the time . They get tired of the classroom and think that if they get into administration they're going to feel relief because they're not in the classroom . And in my opinion , that is the worst possible decision you can make , because what you become is an energy field of negativity about classrooms , when you're supposed to be trying to help teachers create goodness in classrooms . So you know how do you do that . You know what I'm saying .
Speaker 2Where do you do that at ? So I left something because I hated it , and now I'm trying to make you do good at it , because it burns you out . So what lessons have you learned about ?
Speaker 1both the system and yourself being in administration . Some people look at the classroom and admin as if they are in concert with one another continuously , and they are just not . There are so many things that have to be handled administratively that really have nothing to do with the classroom at all , that have nothing to do with the individual children at all , such that it is a very difficult thing to manage to balance that . And so , even talking about that alternative school principal , I can understand how he could lose sight of the service .
Speaker 1Education as an entirety is in a service profession , and for those of us who forget that , it really breeds a well-fertilized plot for growing disdain . Yeah , for being angry at what you have to do , for being mad at how things turn out , because you're going because it serves you , or so you think , because you get paid to do it , because you have prestige to do it , but you're really there as a servant , and so when people forget that , it makes it very difficult to keep the connection to the kids . And so for me , in conversations , some of us , we say , well , we went to the dark side , we do ABM , so over to the dark side . I was finished with my program in August of 2018 . Actually , I finished it on my birthday , august 4th , and what's funny is , in the midst of finishing that program , I also was preparing to be married to my dream guy , traded in that starter husband for my dream guy and we were deciding when we would get married . What's funny is that it was the day before my birthday . We decided that our wedding day would be August 25th of the same year Very fun wedding .
Speaker 2I was very pregnant .
Speaker 1My husband put you in a big chair . He's like she can't sit in that little chair . She and Khalil came to my wedding and later on Khalil goes . I could have played for you . He was so hot , but I mean , that was not something that was important . My whole wedding was $1,500 $1,500 .
Speaker 2She not only lended her ingenuity to her profession , but it also showed upended her ingenuity to her profession . But it also showed up in her wedding . It was beautiful , the food was amazing . He still talks about that food . My husband still talks about the food from your wedding .
Speaker 2It was good , it was good girl and he's always anyone who listens to this and knows him knows that he's always grading the wedding by the quality of the sermon in the wedding and the quality of the music . Like , and I'm like , but it's not your wedding . Like , yeah , I did that for them , it gets bad .
Speaker 1I know that's right . Well , you know , you never tell . What do you think about my uncle , keith solo ? I don't remember . I have to ask him . I have to ask because that was not my idea . It was my sister's idea to have him sing that solo . Oh , lord , and I have to think of what it was .
Speaker 2William we to cut this out so she don't tell the whole world that she didn't like her Uncle William song .
Speaker 1No , no , no , I did not like it . It wasn't my idea . I just can't remember the song title right now . That's because there's menopause . You can leave it in Listen .
Speaker 2Go back . Going back to you were about to get married . I finished the program .
Speaker 1The point is , I finished the program in 2018 . And when I go back to my school , then I'm applying for jobs within my same district . I'm being overlooked , being overlooked , overlooked and this is a great point to you know to bring up for this particular podcast , because that's then your district administration , which is completely a different administration now today , completely different . But I was being pigeonholed , basically kept in place because I was doing so well , right ? So people should remember that systems are not designed to support and grow individuals . Systems are designed to accomplish goals that the system sets out to accomplish .
Speaker 1And the system is not going to portray itself Right , and those goals are not created by the system itself . In this case , for schools , those goals are created by the state government and created by the federal government , which are so far removed from the actual systems , realizing that in Virginia , your school systems are based upon your municipality , and so every city is going to be different . The county is different . My district sits in the middle of a county . We're surrounded by a county on three sides , but the county has its own school district and we have our own . So the goals that we are trying to accomplish are not going to support individuals and their goals and their ideas , even though my goal was selfless . My goal was to help them create what I had done at a larger scale , but I was being kept in place . The cog had to keep cogging , so that's the reason why I had to leave this district to get my admin experience , and I didn't even look for it in the way it came . I just , like about every person in our age range , probably has an account with Indeed or you know these job apps . Yeah , but I didn't really pay attention to it and usually I would get really silly jobs like do you want to be an equine specialist in Missouri ? No , I do not . Would you like to you know ? Would you like to you know ? Do disease testing on a term farm in Colorado , on a turn farm in Colorado ? Oh no , you know , that's not for me . And one day one popped up and it was for the director of an academic learning center at Hargrave Military Academy . It's a private military school for grades 7 through 12 and postgraduate basketball players . There used to be a postgraduate football team and for some years , in the 80s , there was also a division of female students as well . And it popped up and I started to look and I'm checking , you know , I even printed it out to see . I'm like that's me , that's me , that's me . And so , based upon my experience with the haves and have nots , it really did lend to my skills in general , because I can go into a room with a gradient of learners and make it work . As a matter of fact , the alternative guy he had to compliment me one day on this observation because it was a day where kids were showing up late , probably a Monday , and we were doing a lab and every time a kid showed into the room I got them started on something to do and he was like it's like second year . He's like how did you do that ? That nobody got left out , that everybody jumped in where they fit in , everybody had a job , everybody knew what was supposed to be happening and even a kid showed up to that class probably 14 minutes before the block was over Wow . And he was incorporated in the cleanup group and I even called it that and made him the leader .
Speaker 1So this job with this academic learning center was wrought with have and have nots , because it was both ends of the bell curve . So that job had me in charge of students who were so advanced they needed college courses . So I handled all the online charge of students who were so advanced they needed college courses . So I handled all the online college courses . And then everybody who needed extra tutoring and this is grade seven through 13 , really , you know , because there were some who had already graduated and still need assistance .
Speaker 1And so I went to interview for the job after having done a virtual , because this is 2020 . So we're dead in the middle of pandemic . I had had major surgery , had a total hysterectomy in March of 2020 during the pandemic , and this is July when I go to this interview and I get the job and I had to tell the school that I'm leaving . But the reason why I had to go is because to me , a credential goes stale . So if anybody is listening , who has a credential in anything ? If you've earned a CPA , if you've learned a certificate to assist the horse trainer , if you've learned a certificate to set up the lunch service at a restaurant my aunt had to do a whole certificate to set up breakfast at Best Western and it was online class you had to know what to put the yogurt on ice , how long to stay out all these things .
Speaker 1If you've earned anything , don't let it go stale , waiting for your current situation to change , waiting for somebody to recognize you . Sometimes people have to miss you to appreciate you . I know that's right . So I had to walk away so that I would not have wasted 320 hours of volunteer service , probably 24 credits of coursework , you know various papers and projects . Let it sit on the shelf waiting for it to go stale , because after time , if I had tried to leave this district after many years , I'm sure an interviewer question whether it be out loud or in the back of their mind would be well , why didn't they give you a job ? There must be something wrong with you , right ? If your own people didn't give you this job , so why should I hire you if your people who have worked with you did not hire you ?
Speaker 2Hey , fam , it's me again . Listen , this is the end of part one . Our conversation went so well that we had to break it up into two parts , so I want you to go ahead and join me over in part two , where Dr Cadogan and I are going to be talking about everything from bias and betrayal , how to listen to your body and why you should be listening to your body and the things that it's telling you , and she'll talk to us about how to show up in purpose , even when you're hurt . So join me in the next episode and remember , don't let your boss set the life out of you . Today's episode is brought to you by Natalie Parker Enterprises , where we shape the future and unlock potential by helping organizations and people work together to do good work . Find out more at thenatalieparkercom or , if you'd like to be a sponsor , email us at info at thenatalieparkercom .
