10 Secret Truths About How to STAY Sober That I Learned After Rehab

Did you know that recovery isn’t just about the person struggling—it can ripple through and heal an entire family?

Most families facing addiction feel heartbreak, frustration, and helplessness. What if the path to healing starts with one person—and the lessons learned go far beyond sobriety?

In this episode, you will:

• Discover the story of the Newport Beach weekend that changed Jason’s relationship with his dad and family
• Hear how one person’s commitment to recovery and boundaries can inspire hope for everyone involved
• Learn the 10 most powerful recovery tips Jason gives anyone in early sobriety—plus how families can support lasting change
• Understand why emotional sobriety, empathy, and small daily decisions are at the heart of real healing
• Get practical wisdom on overcoming shame, negative self-talk, and the challenges of rebuilding trust

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Quick Preview of Jason’s Top 10 Recovery Tips:

1. Stick with the winners: Surround yourself with people who are growing and honest.
2. Watch your SUDs: Notice the “seemingly unimportant decisions” that can trigger setbacks.
3. Practice Gen Shy: Never treat anyone—including yourself—in a way that makes them feel small.
4. For it is in giving that we receive: Service to others is key.
5. Practice Namaste: Honor the divine within yourself and others.
6. Convalescence: Give yourself time to truly heal.
7. Feel it to heal it: Allow yourself to experience and process emotions.
8. Chase emotional sobriety: Balance neglected areas of your life.
9. Find new fishing holes: Keep your recovery fresh with new connections and experiences.
10. What is to give light must endure burning: Growth comes through facing—and enduring—hardship.

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If you’re a parent, sibling, or love someone in addiction, this episode is for you.
Jason’s story is proof that healing is possible, hope is real, and you’re not alone.

🎧 Scroll up ⬆️ and hit play now to learn how one person’s recovery can bring light to an entire family.

Resources & Support:

• Free Webclass for Families: liveunhooked.com/family
• Free Webclass for Individuals: liveunhooked.com
• Jason’s Book: Unhooked (on Audible & Amazon)
• More recovery programs: brickhouserecovery.com

JOIN the next FREE Webclass at liveunhooked.com
For more information on treatment services, check out brickhouserecovery.com

Transcript

Brick House ep. 12\_audio

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Get Unhooked podcast with Jason Coons, where experience meets insight. Jason Coons, nationally recognized speaker, bestselling author and founder of Brickhouse Recovery shares hard earned lessons on resilience, leadership, addiction and mental health. No filters, no fluff, just real stories, practical wisdom, and a deeper look at what it takes to grow, lead, and keep moving forward.

[00:00:27] Now, here's your host, Jason Coombs. Welcome to Get Unhooked. I am Jason Coombs and I am grateful for all who are joining for the first time. Many of you may have found, found me through a friend or a family member, and please thank them for me. The passion that I have for the work of helping addicted people and helping addicted loved ones and their families is by far the most important calling that.

[00:00:58] That I have ever had in my life and I discovered it at the age of 31. So if any of you are listening and, and watching, and you are under the age of 45 and you're wondering, when am I gonna discover my purpose? It might be through this experience. 'cause my parents discovered their purpose. In the autumn of their life.

[00:01:24] And my dad, bless his heart, passed away this last summer and he has never been happier than the last 16 years of his life that he found recovery and found these principles and learned about get off the beach and learned about. Dance don't wrestle. Learned about the emotional raincoat and he learned about codependency and how to overcome it and how to practice empathy and rolling with resistance and all the things that you'll read about in unhooked and other things that now that I'm going back through and reading his, his journals from recovery, it has been a beautiful experience for me to see and learn insights that he had that I was never taught.

[00:02:06] And so he is teaching me through his writings. And I'm so grateful that he kept those and that I'm able to, to get closer to him on many levels because of those writings. And what a, what an honor it is to, to be able to read such sacred insights that came to him. Through inspiration and because of the great work that he did, my mom on the other hand, is still sharing experience, strength, and hope people reach out to her everywhere she goes.

[00:02:38] Not that she's going a lot of places. I don't wanna make it sound like she's out and about. She's, she's actually pretty home bound right now, and when I say everywhere she goes, when she moved from her old home where they lived down to where they're currently living, where it's a little warmer and easier on the bones.

[00:02:55] It seems that people just gravitate to her. You know, I went, I, I spent a couple weeks with her last month and there were now everywhere we went, whether it was a restaurant or whether it was her church congregation, people just are gravitated to her, and I'll tell you why. It's because of the light that is the result of doing this work.

[00:03:20] That is why. It's the light that is attractive. It is the peace that she carries that is so attractive. It is the, the love that she emulates and that she exudes that is so attractive. And that's all great that you know, people at church and people at restaurants come and flock to her. But what is even more impressive to me is that her children and her grandchildren.

[00:03:50] Want to be near her and want to learn from her and want to ask her questions and want to call her and want to stay in touch with her. And if you're thinking about your current relationships and ways to improve those current relationships, I can't think of any better suggestions, tips, resources, coaching than the principals found in.

[00:04:19] Process of recovery. Recovery from substance use disorder, recovery from compulsive behaviors, recovery from self-hatred, recovery from negative self-talk, recovery from shame, the recovery from the natural man or woman. Those are principles that have. Transcended the ages and are ancient and are found in sacred writ and are biblical and are found in so many recovery literature, resources, and, and I just feel a responsibility to pass them along and then add my little spin to 'em, you know, my little experience to them to give them a little more color.

[00:05:11] So today we're gonna dive into a few of these and we're gonna take a little bit of a different approach because typically I address the family member topics, you know, how to help you guys, how to tee you up to be of maximum influence and support to your addicted loved one as they're walking through treatment or as they're walking through a relapse.

[00:05:38] Or is there. Working through it, their ambivalence, or maybe they're in the pre-contemplation stage of change and they're a teenager and they don't think that they need help or they don't need to stop because they only see the use as a solution. And I validate them. I do. I validate them because I, I recall finding.

[00:06:02] Through self-medication, the solution to a lot of the undertow of my anxiety disorder and depression and a DHD and so forth that I couldn't figure out how to treat on my own. And, and yeah, I grew, grew up in an age where many of you, we didn't talk about that stuff. We didn't understand that stuff. It was just kind of chopped off to behavior.

[00:06:28] But I'm here to tell you that, you know, in this day and age, I. Science and medicine has caught up to the spiritual maldy where we're able to treat both, and the knowledge that we have about the brain science and the knowledge that we have in medicine and behavioral health is just nothing short of a miracle to know why people with addiction and disorders and mental illnesses do the things that they do.

[00:07:00] One small example. Why are people with A DHD chronically late? That's a great question. My teachers growing up didn't understand why I was chronically late. My bosses didn't understand why I was chronically late because they knew that I cared. I just, well, at least my bosses, they knew I cared. It was just, just such a struggle for me, and I.

[00:07:27] When I learned that the symptom of time blindness is attached to my A DHD, and I emphasize the H, because the hyper part is the hyper focus, which I, I believe is the superpower found in that diagnosis. Because without my A-D-H-D-I would not have a a, a company. I would not have written unhooked. I would not have this relationship with you beautiful people.

[00:07:56] And so it is a blessing, but time blindness, I. Is a symptom of of A DHD. And so in order to express empathy to someone who has this type of condition, just knowing that gives better perspective of why they do the things they do. And if you're able to parallel that to substance use disorder, you know, typically it's this substance that is one of the symptoms I.

[00:08:29] Of the undertow of compulsive decision making, heightened anxiety, hypersensitivity, and so big emotions, and not knowing how to cope with those big emotions can turn to ways to self-medicate and, and maybe a healthier outlet might be compulsive ex exercising, or it might be compulsive work. Compulsive reading or whatever that that might look like.

[00:09:03] There are ways that we will self-medicate to kind of offset those hormones that flow. Cortisol is, is a very real experience and, and when you don't know that you have it and you feel heightened anxiety each day. And then you learn by cracking a joke in class and getting everybody to laugh at you as a adolescent helps lower that and gives you that little hit.

[00:09:33] Then you begin to perpetuate that behavior and you can start to see how, how things like that begin to turn into habits. And then when you find substances and that begins to solve some of that undertow, it really does help. To show empathy towards them. When you can recognize that it's, it's really not about them wanting to disappoint you or, or go back on promises or choosing the drug over you.

[00:10:10] 'cause that's not what's processing and in, in the context of their, their thoughts, their brains, it's. More around the midbrain that is driving it, and it's overriding that pre cortex, which is where values are weighed and measured. It is where consequences are, are measured, and it's where meaning exists.

[00:10:45] When the midbrain is telling you, if you've ever wanted to know what the midbrain does in your life, put yourself near an ice bath and make the decision to get in and then start to step in. And then you will feel what the midbrain and the power of the midbrain as well as the voices that negative voice, self-talk.

[00:11:13] That I've been a slave to most of my life, telling me to get out. I can't. I'm not strong enough. This is insane. Why would anyone do this? Well, we can get stuck in comfort and when the midbrain is screaming at us, it's just this process of green light go. You just go, you know I need error. There's gonna come a point if you try to hold your breath where.

[00:11:43] You will give in 'cause your midbrain will force you to give in. You might be able to hold it to a a certain point and you'll have control over it, but your body and midbrain will either pass you out so that you take a breath or it will take a breath for you while you're still conscious, unless you're absolutely.

[00:12:09] It's impossible to take a breath, but even if you were underwater, you would take a breath and you would just breathe in water. And maybe there are exceptions to that, but you get the point, you get the illustration. And when someone has substance use disorder, I liken it to that because I've experienced it.

[00:12:27] And when the green light is on and the midbrain is in control, all I could see was I. This is the path to relief and it was go, whether that be going to the liquor store, whether that be going to the dealer or whether that be calling the pharmacy and the doctor and trying to get an appointment so that I could get an early refill or whatever that might be.

[00:12:59] And I didn't think about family in those moments. I didn't think about promises in those moments, and I didn't think about. Values or morals in those moments that was not even operating, it was completely shut down. And that's why it's important that we accept and respect the nature of disease, the nature of mental illness, because it is, it is real.

[00:13:27] I did hear it said in one of my very first experiences in treatment. No, I take that back. I heard it in my last round of treatment actually, that someone was grateful that they had this disease over any other disease because it's the one disease that they can choose to put into remission one day at a time, and I'd never looked at it that way.

[00:13:51] Maybe I can't control the disease, but I can choose. To take the chemo medicine or chemotherapy parallel to recovery and take recovery actions and put it into remission. And that is a beautiful thing, but that doesn't mean that, but using dreams aren't going to creep up or insane thoughts aren't going to creep up.

[00:14:21] That's powerlessness. That's the part that, that we're powerless over. When I talk to, to, to my clients today, and they're struggling with powerlessness on step one, you know, I'll ask them, have you ever had a using dream? And they'll say, yeah. Say, okay, do you know someone that doesn't have substance use disorder and just has never touched a drink or a drug in their life?

[00:14:49] And they can think of that person. And I said, do you think that they dream about smoking crack or. Smoking fentanyl. You think they think about having a drink in their dreams? No. And and I've asked my parents and my family like, have you guys ever had those? And they just, it's so foreign to them. It's so foreign to them.

[00:15:12] They don't, they don't think like that. And, and that's why it's so hard to understand why someone like, like me, who they raised and. You know, I didn't grow up in a rough home or a rough environment, and so they couldn't understand why I would choose to go down a rough path until they recognized that there was a disease going on, which manifests in powerlessness and powerlessness over that disease continues to manifest.

[00:15:46] Like I can walk into an open bar wedding and. I will not notice the milk across the room on, on, on the table, but I will notice the alcohol. I will. It's like I just natural, like my brain will naturally notice it and it calls to me. It's just a very interesting experience, even this many years into sustained abstinence and emotional sobriety.

[00:16:18] And recovery. So that's an important piece to, to consider as we talk about the framework of the 10 keys, the 10 tips that I recommend that someone in early sobriety take. You know, and early sobriety is a relative. I'm gonna share these tips here because as, as you look at. What we walked through as someone in early recovery, these are the suggestions that were given to me within the first year of my recovery.

[00:16:56] And so some of these came, you know, six months into a abstinence. Some came at eight months, nine months, but one of the very first ones was to stick with the winners. Sticking with the winners is vital. For those that want to change. Now, emphasis on the want. We may or may not want to change on any given day, and so someone in early sobriety might be very committed when they're in group or in treatment and you fast forward a couple of hours and they're back home and, or they're at the, the gas station and they run into an old friend.

[00:17:42] They wanna stick with them. And you know, it's been said that we're the average of the five people that we spend the most time with. And so when I learned about that principle and then, and then considered who do I spend the most time with in my sobriety, I was counting up winners, I was thinking of.

[00:18:09] Richie and Taz and Micah and Brian and Shem and Jordan, and the, the list just kept, kept going. Like I was surrounded by more than five people. I was surrounded by my mom, my dad, my sister, my brothers, their spouses, and I began to recognize that I have an arsenal of winners around me. And if you stick with the five people who are invested in growth, invested in self-awareness, invested in doing daily inventory, looking at their own character defects, right, their wrongs, considering where they need to make amends even for past mistakes and past wrongs.

[00:19:02] And I'm willing to have the courage to go and, and take those steps. And I'm willing to walk through the 12 steps. You know, these are the individuals that I like to surround myself with because they're the ones that will be honest with me and they're the ones I can be honest with. And there's no judgment.

[00:19:21] There's just understanding and support. And when, when someone comes to me and they're asking for help, I will always wanna make sure that the environment that they're in here at Brickhouse is full of winners. Now, I'm not saying that these, that a hundred percent of my clients, I mean, we probably treat a hundred people at any given time and throughout all of our locations and our virtual program, and that doesn't count their family members that we're treating the, the reality is, I mean.

[00:19:55] Depending on how you look at the, the word winner will determine whether you think they're a winner or not. I look at a winner as someone who is pointed in the direction of progress and wanting to make micro improvements that day. That's a winner to me. Someone who is willing to admit their wrongs and.

[00:20:22] To work on their character defects. It doesn't mean they're absent of character defects. It means that they might have more character defects than they do assets today, but they're willing to at least own them and work through them. Number two, pay attention to the seemingly unimportant decisions. When I first got out of my last treatment program, my therapist, Steve Brown.

[00:20:49] Strongly recommended that I consider seeing a therapist for some other compulsive behaviors beyond my substance use disorder, and one that I can openly talk about I in a, in a way that I think you can relate to is, is I, I had an addiction to. Validation from other people, especially from the opposite sex as I was a single person, especially like in high school and college.

[00:21:17] And then when I was divorced, needing, validating, the validation from a woman was oftentimes as much of an obsession as it was getting a fix. I was a little bit in denial when I was on my. Last week or two of treatment and, and, and my therapist, Steve said, you know, I recommend you, you see this, this therapist, she specializes in this particular area of, of needing to be validated.

[00:21:52] And, you know, it was, it was a, I was a resistant. I, I, I, I thought to myself, well, I don't need that. What I need to do is get back to work and start making a living and start making up for lost time. That's what I really need to do. And. I, I will never forget when he said, Jason, I think that this is more important than anything because I believe it's your primary addiction and your substances are secondary.

[00:22:23] And boy was that a hard pill to not only consider, but to swallow, but I couldn't argue with it because he asked me to, you know, think back to all the times that you were committed to change. And what set that ball in motion where you slid backwards and you relapsed and e every single time it was loneliness, or it was getting into a relationship with someone who did not protect sobriety and definitely didn't protect my sobriety.

[00:23:02] So. There, I couldn't like, dismiss what he was saying. I had to just look at it closer. And so I said, okay, I'll go check out this therapist. And so I went and her name was Carrie and she, she's just such an amazing, gifted person and, and I was sitting across from her in a chair in her office, the very first session.

[00:23:31] And she taught me about suds, the acronym seemingly Unimportant Decisions. And it was at that time where I had recognized that every time I would get outta treatment, I would walk along the fence, or excuse me, I would walk along the edge of the cliff of relapse and when I would have a little slip because we are going to have.

[00:24:00] Weekdays, we're going to have slips, we're gonna have setbacks, but they don't have to be relapse in early sobriety. And when she said, Jason, set the fence up further back away from that cliff's edge so that if you do stumble or if you do stub your toe, or if you do slip, you're not relapsing and falling off the cliff, but you're just skinning your knee.

[00:24:27] I. And then you just get back up and make some tweaks on some corrections 'cause that's going to happen. Like nobody does this journey perfectly. What does that look like? And so we walked through the scenario of typically those relationships and that that loneliness, the validation, addiction. Which would usually lead into sexual compulsivity and things along those lines.

[00:24:54] It always started with that feeling of loneliness and then a text message, a text message to someone that would validate me, and then that would, you know, result in a dialogue, and then that would result in hanging out. And then that would result in then, and then the, the ball was rolling from there. And maybe I didn't relapse right away, but over time without a fence up further away from the cliff's edge, eventually I'm gonna be falling off the cliff into the ditch.

[00:25:33] And so being aware of the suds in our lives with our behaviors is. Heightened awareness of the risks and rewards. This takes access for me. This takes access to the sunlight of the spirit and to have personal revelation to where I am living my life in such a way where, where I'm asking God to help me know and discern the blind spots that I don't see in my life, like is this person.

[00:26:08] Risky is this person that I'm spending time with, safe is this activity safe? And making those decisions are very important. And so I began to just spend more time with winners. I began to spend more time and the winners change. Like I I, I had. Folks that I spent a lot of time with in early sobriety and over time they put down their weapons of war and they put down their armor and they began to slide back and they had to go through their ambivalence and they had to go through their journey of setbacks and getting back up.

[00:26:51] And some went to treatment multiple times. And, and because I had done that myself and had gone through treatment multiple times, and I had slipped a bunch of times. I could kind of see it, but it was discernment. It was the gift of of the spirit that helped me to identify that I was watching my past right before my eyes in the lives of others, the lives of others that I loved.

[00:27:17] And to have the courage to say, Hey man, I'm worried about you. I don't see that this is gonna turn out well for you. I just want you to know that I'm here and I'm happy to help. You know that that was, that was huge for me. That helped me to stay further away from the cliff's edge because I was not just spotting risks, but I was like calling it out because they were safe to call it out with.

[00:27:45] And I think we helped each other that way. And when they saw risky things that I was doing, I had, I had some caught out. And, and kind of correct me along the way, and we're just like, thank you. I, I needed that. And I still try to surround myself with people that are willing to do that for me. So, seemingly unimportant decisions, the suds, very important.

[00:28:10] And number three, to practice gans shy. Now, gen shy means to never treat a person in a manner that would make them feel small, including ourselves. I can't think of any other condition that drives more self-hatred and, and shame and negative self-talk than someone who has set goals and promises that they're gonna change and then find themselves failing over and over and over again.

[00:28:43] But it's not just failing ourselves. It's failing those that we've made promises to. The, the real of negative beliefs and the, the negative talk, the hateful talk about ourselves is just, it's just, it's chronic and it's, it's gross and we didn't even know, like we don't even notice it a lot of times. And I know that this is not only for people with substance use disorder, anyone who.

[00:29:18] Struggles with this weakness come negative self-talk. It's just looking at ourselves in the mirror and uh, how do we talk to ourselves? As I was learning this principle, my dear friend Dave Blanchard, he asked me, Jason, if I talked to you the way you talk to yourself, would we still be friends? And I had thought about that.

[00:29:43] I was like, no, we wouldn't, because I would never. Be friends with someone that would say those kinds of things to me. And they said, then why do you give yourself permission to do that? Why do, why do you let yourself talk that way to yourself? And I think it's a very profound to think about the way that we talked to people.

[00:30:09] Do we build them up or do we tear them down the way we talk about people. When they're not around, are we an individual who builds them up or are we an individual who tears others down? GaN shy and this word was taught to me through the book, one of my top three life-changing books of all time. The first one being Sacred Scriptures, the second being the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, and the third book being Aspire.

[00:30:46] Discovering your purpose through the Power of Words by Kevin Hall, who is a dear brother. That's where I learned this profound lesson about Gen Shy. So to be a gen shy practitioner means that we will practice the restraint of tongue and pen, and that we will become aware of how we talk to others. Do we.

[00:31:12] Ever say things that would make someone feel small or treat them small? If we give a beggar some money and they're on the ground, do we get down on their level and squat down on our knees and hand it to them eye to eye? Or do we just toss it to 'em from above? How does it make them feel? And it's that kind of awareness that.

[00:31:40] This skin shy is, is all about. And so in my kids' bathrooms, I share a bathroom on their mirror above each of their heads, like when they're looking themselves in the mirror above each of their heads and, and in my own mirror, I have a sticker that says Gen Shy and I am teaching them to. Never look in the mirror and treat themselves in a manner that is small, because they will believe those words as they grow up.

[00:32:18] Now, none of us are perfect at this, especially me, but I could tell you I'm, I'm working on it one way that I. I work on this is I wrote a post-it note that said, love yourself with a compliment today. And I put it on my mirror and as I look in the mirror, I will stare into my own eyes and I will say something that I know I can believe about myself.

[00:32:49] You are a good dad. You are an honest man. You are striving to be. A disciple of Christ, you are a loyal husband. Like things that I know that I can, I can believe, and that kind of talk offsets the default of the negative self-talk. Again, shy, never treat a person in a manner that would make them feel small, including yourself.

[00:33:21] Number four for it is giving that. We receive in giving to others we receive, and this, this comes straight from one of the prayers in the recovery literature, the prayer of St. Francis. And if you wanna know where to find that prayer, I believe it's on page 99 of the 12 by 12. The 12 steps and 12 traditions.

[00:33:48] If it's not on 99, it's on page 101, but I think it's 99. The Prayer of St. Francis talks about things that have been used in global bestselling books such as Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen r Covey. One of the chapters is seek to understand than to be understood. Well. Where do you think he learned that?

[00:34:17] He learned that from the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi. And the prayer of St. Francis talks about for it is in giving that we receive. And so as you think about. The blessings that you have in your life. Could it be because it was because you gave so much of your heart and your resources to bless the lives of others that you received?

[00:34:46] Those? Think of ways that in, in early sobriety, someone can begin to give, because addiction is all about me, me, me, constantly. It's survival because again, it's the midbrain, it's like. I need. I need, I need. And I take, I take, I take. And so in recovery, we begin to flip that to who can I serve? Who can I lift, how can I help?

[00:35:20] And that is a very difficult process to go from being stuck in self bondage and narcissistic behaviors to thinking of others. I'm not sure we ever arrive because I think it's depending on the threats to our basic instincts, character defects flare up and we become selfish and impatient and prideful and fearful, et cetera.

[00:35:44] So thinking about others actually is the solution to anxiety. It isn't giving. That's the solution to anxiety and depression. As long as it's not super chronic illness that needs advanced treatment through, through professionals. But even with that treatment, it's in giving, it's in tithing, it's in charitable contributions, it's it's offering our gifts and our talents and our time to build people up and thereby building up the kingdom of God.

[00:36:25] Number five. Practicing Namaste. This goes along with practicing che and, and the seemingly unimportant decisions. It goes along with the negative self-talk and the positive self-talk, but practicing Namaste is looking at ourselves, and you can think of someone in early sobriety how important this is. So when they look in the mirror, the last thing they see is someone who has divinity.

[00:36:52] The first thing they see are all of the ugly parts about them. And the problem with this is that we never really break through that cycle and see our God-given gifts until we be can begin to honor the divine within. And so namaste means to honor the divine within. And as we do that, honoring others.

[00:37:18] We're better at accepting compliments from others instead of dismissing them. But we'll say things like, thank you for the kind words I accept and receive them with immense gratitude. My, uh, mentor Kevin Hall, who wrote Aspire drilled that into my brain. 'cause it used to be so hard for me to accept compliments.

[00:37:38] I was either inhaling them to my ego or I was dismissing them with my ego. But to just be a receiver of. Thanks. And just being like, this person is thinking the divine within me. They think that they're seeing the divine within me. Therefore, I need to thank God for all the gifts that he's planted inside.

[00:38:03] And that is a A process. So practice. Namaste. Number six, convalescence. This is one I talk about in unhooked. Most people want to rush out and. Start earning a living or the opposite, they will just flop and not take any action when they come out of a residential treatment program. And, and I was taught that convalescence is a critical part as we are recovering from an illness and spending time recovering.

[00:38:36] From an illness or medical treatment, and recuperation is the definition of convalescence. And so as my wife was going through chemo chemotherapy, it was very important that she wasn't working and that she wasn't out exercising every day and putting her body through that stress, but rather convalescing and then building the strength back up over time.

[00:38:59] And we have to view it the, the same way with some, someone with substance use disorder. And allow the process. That's why sober living is so helpful. That's why outpatient treatment is so important when you come out of residential and, and then you taper down on the treatments so that there's a window of convalescence.

[00:39:20] And I always, I always recommend that our clients devote the full year to their recovery, putting it first before everything else. And fit everything else underneath that because it will take that amount of time to convalesce and to grow strength by adding work to the mix and the stress. And, but, but working through all of that in a convalescence stage.

[00:39:48] I'm not saying take a year off and just sit and play video games. Not at all talking about. Just giving time for recuperation by allowing time to go to meetings and therapy and treatment and exercising slowly and getting, getting the strength back. So it's very important. Number seven, feel it to heal it.

[00:40:10] This is a big one. One of my favorite therapists, as you all have read, Chris, Chris Groves. She told me, Jason, you must feel it to heal it. Take the time to grieve and honor your sadness and your pain, and your depression and your loneliness. Don't run from it and start seeking validation from others, but feel it.

[00:40:34] And it wasn't. I didn't start feeling my divorce until I was four years post-divorce because I was numb. I was using, once I got sober, all of the emotions began to surface that first summer being sober. I. Oh, actually it was, it was the second summer being sober in 2010. I remember being so sad and full of loneliness that there was one afternoon where I laid in bed, just I couldn't get outta bed, and I kept the blinds closed and I was so sad and depressed.

[00:41:14] Grieving, and the words, you got to feel it to heal it. I was never going to heal from my loss and divorce unless I honored those feelings and consecrated those for the healing process. And it was in that experience that I learned the value of love. It was through the process of feeling my feelings that they were able to pass, not just get stuck down, but.

[00:41:47] They came and they passed through me. They taught me and then they moved on and I continue to heal. Today is my birth son Nathan's 18th birthday and he graduates high school in a week or two. And I have felt over the years times where HiTA was heartbreaking, the loss. Of placing him for adoption, feeling those emotions instead of running from them and hiding them and stuffing them have allowed us and blessed us with a beautiful relationship today.

[00:42:25] And I'm so grateful for knowledge that I have that feeling. Our emotions, even if they aren't the best emotions to feel, are how we heal. That's where we meet. God is in those. Those places because he's felt them out. Number eight, chase Emotional sobriety. This is, it ties into the Joseph Campbell saying, the cave we fear to enter holds the treasure we seek.

[00:42:57] And so as we think about achieving the highest level of happiness, you know, it's interesting that there are areas in our. Life domains that do get neglected and emotional sobriety is, is really, I, I don't know if balance is the right word. I know I've, I've said balance in, in a lot of my writings, and I'm not sure I totally believe that there is such a thing as balance, but I do believe in balance with priorities and so prioritizing what's most important and then spending time on those.

[00:43:33] There's naturally gonna be things in areas that'll be neglected, and so the more we could put attention on the areas that are neglected, the more emotionally sober we become. It's hard to be emotionally sober if we are neglecting our nutrition. For example, I just finished at Three Day Fast on Tuesday morning.

[00:43:54] It was a complete water fast with some mineral hydration and bone broth, and that's all I all I had, and then some amino supplements so that I didn't lose muscle. A big part of that was because I was just so stuck in the routine of unhealthy eating and, and unhealthy behaviors when it came to sleep and exercise that.

[00:44:18] I was feeling joint pains in my knee. I, I have arthritis and, and I was waking up stiff. I was waking up mentally foggy at about two in the afternoon I would start to crash and I just needed a reset. And so I set a goal to do a three day fast with my little brother. And I tell you, you know, here we are two days after I broke that fast and I feel incredible.

[00:44:46] I had my mineral hydration appear. I've just been reset and that has been a beautiful process to chase emotional sobriety. Like I feel emotionally sober more today than I did when I started the fast. And so that was an area that was a cave that I didn't wanna enter was like addressing my nutrition. And I was like, I don't think I could go without food for very long.

[00:45:12] Like I and I would. I would just say I'm the worst at fasting and I suck at it. Well, that was the very cave I needed to go into because boy have I found treasures. Fasting has been my weakest area, but it was powerful. It was powerful to go through it, and I feel so high in a good way. Like the real, the real feelings.

[00:45:36] I just needed that reset. I got into my ice bath this morning. I got into the sauna before that at the gym. I did a workout before that, and I'm just like. That's what I needed. I just needed to invest in an area that was neglected. So chase emotional sobriety. Look at where it's being neglected, and spend some time just making little improvements.

[00:45:59] Not saying you have to do a three day fast and an ice bath and all of that, but whatever it is, you probably need to do something extreme if you're gonna break the cycle. That's why rehabs exists. We have to break the cycle and there's nothing better than like going somewhere and staying somewhere and investing in something.

[00:46:20] Hire a coach, you know, join one of our unhooked courses. Join a, you know, a group, A club, something, lot of resources out there. Number nine, find new fishing holes. What does that have to do with emotional sobriety or recovery tips for someone who is in early sobriety? Well, one of the risks of early sobriety is the motivation starts to wear off, the motivation to stay sober, the motivation to go to meetings, the motivation to work, the steps, the motivation to reach out to a mentor or a sponsor or a therapist, or even the motivation to be honest.

[00:47:02] And the motivation just starts to fade. And so one of the ways that I've found. Over the years to keep things fresh is to liken it to fishing. If I fish the same fishing hole in the same river over and over and over again, I'm gonna get bored of fishing. It's very much like if I ski the same slope on the same resort over and over and over again, I'm gonna get bored of skiing.

[00:47:35] Trust me, I've done it. 'cause I, I worked, used to work at a ski resort. I started to get bored of skiing, so switching it up, finding a new fishing hole in recovery. I encourage them that like, look, if your home group starts to, you know, if you feel like you, you're just losing motivation. It's not because you're doing things wrong or you're not giving enough or, I mean, maybe there's some things that you could work on.

[00:48:01] Of course there's always things you could work on, but maybe that's the point where. You go with your sponsor and, and start taking meetings into adolescent treatment centers, or my sponsor, take me into the adolescent detention centers and I would share my story, began to get asked to speak in church, and I would go and serve there.

[00:48:22] Throughout the years, I've had different seasons where I would spend time taking recovery meetings to the the maximum. Security prison and meet with inmates for, and I think that that window was like a two and a half year window where that was what I did for my recovery. I'm in a season now where, you know, I, my recovery looks more in the realm of the caregiver support groups for cancer family members as.

[00:48:59] Many, many of you know, my, my wife has battled cancer the last two years and she's getting near the end of her trial and that, and, and so far so good. Like it's, it's been absent from any of her scans, but I have fears and I don't know what the future holds. And so from that standpoint, it's like, okay, how do I stay healthy and work on my recovery?

[00:49:25] And so I will go and I will learn from these. Family support groups, like many of you, like I'm learning how to support my loved one who bless her heart. You know, uh, sometimes her disease takes over and things aren't as certain as they once were. Thing behaviors aren't as steady as they once were. There, there are just a lot of parallels.

[00:49:53] You wouldn't believe it unless you. Unless you joined one. But they, they, they really are. And so that's what my recovery looks like right now. That's a new fishing hole. It's a new type of fishing. It's a new, it's, it's, it's, it's a different animal, but it's keeping it fresh. 'cause at the end of the day, I'm still looking at improving my character and chasing emotional sobriety and checking my defects and ego at the door, and really trying to build a relationship with God through having more empathy for her.

[00:50:26] Others, namely my wife and my children. Number 10, and this is not number 10 because it's the least important. In fact, let me make this the most important perspective is very easy to slide into a space of self pity. Number 10, what is to give light must endure burning. I'm gonna repeat that. What is to give light must endure burning.

[00:51:00] This is a quote from Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl, who taught that even in Nazi concentration camps, he was able to maintain a positive attitude. He was able to stay alive. Because he recognized that what he was going through was refining him and allowed him to give light and to minister to others who were suffering in his same conditions.

[00:51:35] And when we first get sober, a lot of us kind of expect life to get back to normal. The truth is we got a lot of wreckage and we got relationship damage, and we've got trust to build and we've got other habits to kick, and we gotta be willing to welcome adversity and opposition and not be victims. We gotta be willing to embrace that.

[00:52:02] Maybe it is this trial and adversity and opposition and resistance that is. Preparing me for the platform that God has in store for me to prepare me in a way that I will uniquely know how to bless lives of others, and more importantly, will uniquely teach me how to be closer to God. I know there are a lot of us within the sound of my voice that would rather not have our trials.

[00:52:37] Would rather not have the grief of losing a loved one, not have the stress of having an addiction in the family, who wouldn't? But since we're here, since we have it, since this is the hand of cards that you and I are dealt, whatever those cards might be, they're gonna burn, but it's for a purpose. That's why people are flocking to be around my mother, wherever she goes is because of the light that she has earned and continues to earn through so many seasons of burn and sleepless nights and pain, and she's being prepared to meet her maker just like my dad was.

[00:53:31] So in summary, the 10. Top recovery tips that I love to give to people in early sobriety. Now, number one, stick with the winners. Number two, remember the seemingly unimportant decisions or suds. Number three, practice GaN shy. Number four, it is in giving that we receive number five. Practice. Namaste. Number six, convalescence Number seven.

[00:54:11] Feel it to heal it. Number eight, chase Emotional sobriety. Number nine, find new fishing holes. And number 10, what is to give light must indoor burning. It's been an honor hanging out with you guys today. I love each and every one of you for the. That you are going through and that you will go through, may you find peace within the storm and may you continue to double down on the principles that you know work.

[00:54:46] And please share this hope and this message with anyone that you think it will benefit because others are going through it in silent and you might be the answer to their prayers. Thank you for joining me today. I love you and we will see you next time. I just want to thank you for taking the time to listen to this show.

[00:55:13] Thank you for your support. Thank you for sharing these episodes so that they can help others. This is one way that you can give back and pay it forward is by just passing along. This free information to others that are possibly in need. Share it on social media. Share it with your loved ones and family members.

[00:55:33] And don't forget, you can access my book on, um, audible as well as on Amazon or on my website as, as well as you could find information about, uh, our services at Brick House recovery@brickhouserecovery.com.