The Desperation to Decision Ladder: A Framework for Families

You’ve tried everything. Nothing’s working. And somewhere in the back of your mind, you’re wondering if you’re making it worse. This episode is for you. Jason Coombs breaks down the Desperation to Decision Ladder: a five-rung framework that maps exactly where your loved one is in their journey toward change, and what your role actually looks like at each rung. Practical, honest, and built from lived experience.

Show Notes:
In this episode of the Brick House Recovery Podcast, Jason Coombs, person in long-term recovery and founder of Brick House Recovery, breaks down one of the most practical frameworks he’s developed for families who love someone struggling with addiction. If you’ve tried everything and feel like nothing’s working, this one’s for you.
Episode Highlights
[01:00] Three questions that stop families in their tracks
[02:30] Why being in long-term recovery doesn’t automatically make you an expert at helping others
[04:17] The pattern Jason sees over and over with families, and why love alone isn’t enough
[05:08] Why the sickest person in the room ends up setting the rules for everyone else
[06:37] Introducing the Desperation to Decision Ladder: a five-rung framework for understanding change
[07:10] Rung 1: The Pain Gets Loud, and why softening it is the worst thing you can do
[11:22] Rung 2: The Denial Weakens: you can’t break it with a speech, but you can stop competing with reality
[13:32] Rung 3: Truth Breaks Through: the gift of desperation and why addiction is the only disease that lies about itself
[15:57] Rung 4: Willingness Appears: why this is a window, not a door, and how to show up when it opens
[20:21] Rung 5: Commitment Is Chosen: why it has to be theirs, and what happens when you want it more than they do
[23:02] The two journeys happening at once: external signals vs. the inner work that actually matters
[25:01] Two real outcomes, divorce and staying together, and why both can be a win
[27:19] Applying the five rungs to yourself, because you have your own ladder to climb
[32:39] Naming the disease: why Jason called his addiction “Sancho” and how that changes everything
[35:32] Dancing instead of wrestling: how to have hard conversations without locking horns
[39:49] The Goldilocks Zone: love and law, justice and mercy, enabling and abandonment